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Why I Don't Call Myself Gay: How I Reclaimed My Sexual Reality and Found Peace
Daniel Mattson once believed he was gay. Raised in a Christian family, and aware of attractions to other boys at age six, Mattson's life was marked by constant turmoil between his faith in God and his sexual attractions. Finding the conflict between his sexual desires and the teachings of his church too great, he assumed he was gay, turned his back on God, and began a relationship with another man. Yet freedom and happiness remained elusive until he discovered Christ and his true identity.
In this frank memoir, Mattson chronicles his journey to and from a gay identity, finding peace in his true identity, as a man, made in the image and likeness of God. Part autobiography, part philosophy of life, and part a practical guide in living chastely, the book draws lessons from Mattson's search for inner freedom and integrity, sharing wisdom from his failures and successes. His lifelong search for happiness and peace comes full circle in his realization that, above all else, what is true about him is that he is a beloved son of God, loved into existence by God, created for happiness in this life and the next. Mattson's book is for anyone who has ever wondered who he is, why he is here, and, in the face of suffering, where to find joy, happiness, and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
In this frank memoir, Mattson chronicles his journey to and from a gay identity, finding peace in his true identity, as a man, made in the image and likeness of God. Part autobiography, part philosophy of life, and part a practical guide in living chastely, the book draws lessons from Mattson's search for inner freedom and integrity, sharing wisdom from his failures and successes. His lifelong search for happiness and peace comes full circle in his realization that, above all else, what is true about him is that he is a beloved son of God, loved into existence by God, created for happiness in this life and the next. Mattson's book is for anyone who has ever wondered who he is, why he is here, and, in the face of suffering, where to find joy, happiness, and the peace that surpasses all understanding.
346 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 9, 2017
64 people are currently reading
264 people want to read
About the author
Daniel Mattson
1 book5 followersDaniel Mattson lives in the Midwest, where he has a career in the performing arts. He is a member of the Courage Apostolate and is featured in the documentary Desire of the Everlasting Hills. He has written about the Church’s good news concerning homosexuality in First Things, Crisis Magazine, Catholic Answers Magazine as well as other publications. He is also a regular contributor to Chastity.com.
He is a frequent guest on Catholic radio, appearing often on Catholic Answers Live, the Al Kresta Show and Catholic Connection with Teresa Tomeo. He has been a featured speaker at the National Catholic Singles Conference, and recently debated the Church’s teaching on homosexuality at Bowling Green State University. He is often invited to share his testimony with clergy, schools and parishes, where one of his primary focuses is to promote the freedom the Church brings to the world from our cultural confusion concerning sexual identity.
He is a frequent guest on Catholic radio, appearing often on Catholic Answers Live, the Al Kresta Show and Catholic Connection with Teresa Tomeo. He has been a featured speaker at the National Catholic Singles Conference, and recently debated the Church’s teaching on homosexuality at Bowling Green State University. He is often invited to share his testimony with clergy, schools and parishes, where one of his primary focuses is to promote the freedom the Church brings to the world from our cultural confusion concerning sexual identity.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
July 12, 2017
In light of recent buzz about the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community, I ventured that this book would lift the veil to the sometimes seemingly mysterious struggles of those who experience same sex attraction (SSA). Although a scientific and theological understanding of this delicate topic is essential, the personal testimony and experience of someone who has actually suffered and fought to understand and incorporate the teachings of the Church into his raw human life with all of its wounds, failures and unrelenting sinful inclinations proves invaluable.
Mattson is to be greatly commended for his great courage and extreme vulnerability in sharing the very private struggles of his sexuality and the experiences that both formed and reinforced his inclinations towards the same sex. Mattson exposes his struggles frankly and with a dignity consistent with the goal of his work. Far from being exclusively autobiographical, Mattson offers practical advice which is often applicable to all Catholics striving to live out the Church’s teaching on Chastity. Employing a number of credible sources both Catholic and non-Catholic, along with the lives of the Saints, Mattson does a remarkable job in showing readers the plausibility of the Church’s teaching on homosexuality and chastity in general. This text is the fruit of suffering and what, in theological terms, must be attributed to grace.
Although the temptation is often to dismiss or ignore the complex struggles of others which do not seem immediately relevant to our own lives, this book, with fluidity and fidelity to the Truth, not only opens a window of understanding to the suffering hearts of those who journey on this unique path to virtue, but beckons that in Christian charity we compassionately support those who struggle to live out these hard teachings of true freedom in search for their true identity as beloved sons and daughters of God the Father.
Mattson is to be greatly commended for his great courage and extreme vulnerability in sharing the very private struggles of his sexuality and the experiences that both formed and reinforced his inclinations towards the same sex. Mattson exposes his struggles frankly and with a dignity consistent with the goal of his work. Far from being exclusively autobiographical, Mattson offers practical advice which is often applicable to all Catholics striving to live out the Church’s teaching on Chastity. Employing a number of credible sources both Catholic and non-Catholic, along with the lives of the Saints, Mattson does a remarkable job in showing readers the plausibility of the Church’s teaching on homosexuality and chastity in general. This text is the fruit of suffering and what, in theological terms, must be attributed to grace.
Although the temptation is often to dismiss or ignore the complex struggles of others which do not seem immediately relevant to our own lives, this book, with fluidity and fidelity to the Truth, not only opens a window of understanding to the suffering hearts of those who journey on this unique path to virtue, but beckons that in Christian charity we compassionately support those who struggle to live out these hard teachings of true freedom in search for their true identity as beloved sons and daughters of God the Father.
September 20, 2017
This was such a beautiful book.
I've had the chance in the past to meet Dan at some talks he's given and his brother is my pastor so I initially was interested in the book because of my connection to the author. Reading his testimony was difficult. To encounter the wounds of another is always difficult and to receive the vulnerability of another as they bare their soul is a sacred thing. Most of the time I read the beginning of the book, I felt somewhat disconnected - not in a bad way, mind you - Dan allowed me in, to experience his pain, and that is deeply connecting. Rather, I felt like what he was communicating about same sex attraction was something I didn't have a context for relating to but something about which I could still feel sympathy. In other words, the book was about somebody "else."
But then, as Dan began the second half of his book and spoke about the guidance he has received from the Church and the saints, his reflections on human nature, virtue, humility, and being a beloved son, I saw how the particular struggles I have experienced in my life were rooted in the same truths about human nature - it's fallenness and it destiny in glory.
What Dan has done here is not simply given us a witness about living same sex attraction in the Catholic Church, he's given us a beautiful description of the life of a pilgrim on the road to the Father's House. And he's given me a lot to take to prayer myself.
Thanks Dan
I've had the chance in the past to meet Dan at some talks he's given and his brother is my pastor so I initially was interested in the book because of my connection to the author. Reading his testimony was difficult. To encounter the wounds of another is always difficult and to receive the vulnerability of another as they bare their soul is a sacred thing. Most of the time I read the beginning of the book, I felt somewhat disconnected - not in a bad way, mind you - Dan allowed me in, to experience his pain, and that is deeply connecting. Rather, I felt like what he was communicating about same sex attraction was something I didn't have a context for relating to but something about which I could still feel sympathy. In other words, the book was about somebody "else."
But then, as Dan began the second half of his book and spoke about the guidance he has received from the Church and the saints, his reflections on human nature, virtue, humility, and being a beloved son, I saw how the particular struggles I have experienced in my life were rooted in the same truths about human nature - it's fallenness and it destiny in glory.
What Dan has done here is not simply given us a witness about living same sex attraction in the Catholic Church, he's given us a beautiful description of the life of a pilgrim on the road to the Father's House. And he's given me a lot to take to prayer myself.
Thanks Dan
January 13, 2019
A must read on the subject of same-sex attraction. Thank you Daniel Mattson for offering us an intimate portrait of life with same-sex attraction. It was truthful and honest.
July 23, 2017
This is a fairly written, well-researched book that is both a fascinating memoir as well as a good social history of the past 50 years. Anyone who wants to recommend it to someone with same-sex attraction should first read it from start to finish.
The book includes great information on the truth of the Roman Catholic Church on same sex attraction, with references to the Catechism. It is a good apologetics primer for a Catholic who needs to refute a charge the our church is homophobic. It includes inspirational references from spiritual leaders, as well as an historical summary of the changes in our language about sexuality and gender. Mr. Mattson takes the position that he is a man, as defined by Nature, who has same sex attraction. That is the source of the title of the book.
He is an active member of Courage International, also known as Courage Apostolate and Courage for short. This is an approved apostolate of the Catholic Church that counsels “men and women with same-sex attractions in living chaste lives in fellowship, truth and love.”
I recommend that every Catholic should read this book.
The book includes great information on the truth of the Roman Catholic Church on same sex attraction, with references to the Catechism. It is a good apologetics primer for a Catholic who needs to refute a charge the our church is homophobic. It includes inspirational references from spiritual leaders, as well as an historical summary of the changes in our language about sexuality and gender. Mr. Mattson takes the position that he is a man, as defined by Nature, who has same sex attraction. That is the source of the title of the book.
He is an active member of Courage International, also known as Courage Apostolate and Courage for short. This is an approved apostolate of the Catholic Church that counsels “men and women with same-sex attractions in living chaste lives in fellowship, truth and love.”
I recommend that every Catholic should read this book.
August 4, 2018
I don't know where to start about this book review. I wanted to read it because I was curious. I kept reading it because I hate letting books half-read.
I would say there were two good things that I liked in this book and two bad things. Which makes me give it 2.5 Stars (well, 3, as you can't give it just 2.5).
Let's start with the good things. I really applaud the courage of the author to come out as "same-sex attracted" instead of "gay". Why? In the world of "you can be whatever you want to be", it seems to me that still there are many things that modern society doesn't allow you to be. The author said he cannot identify with the identity that the label "gay" gives him and he gave his reasons why and one big part of the book is about him explaining what he means by this label and why he feels he wants to reject it. I feel this is a very courageous step to take, but a necessary one. If we really want to be the open to all, accommodating society for every type of people than let's not reject those who are not okay with being gay. It is in their right. This is why I feel the step he did is a courageous one. It seems to me that at least in some circles of society this is an unaccepted feeling. Which is ironic, as not so long ago feeling attracted to the same sex was deemed an unaccepted feeling and according to the self definition of a progressive society is that we are trying to move *away* from deeming some feelings unacceptable.
The second good thing is that the author found a narrative that gives him meaning, a sense of purpose and a chance for a happy and fulfilled life, for which I am honestly happy.
Now to the parts of the book that I really found very problematic. First of all, the entire book is *very* catholic. I wouldn't recommend this book to any person who has had wounds inflicted by the Catholic Church, because I feel it would only make it worse. I am not such a person, thankfully, I only had positive interactions with the Catholic Church, even though I am not a catholic kind of Christian, they always treaded me as a sister (this actually has to do with my second point of critique, so I'll come back to this). So, the philosophy of this author is profoundly catholic and all his thoughts just seem unable to escape that way of seeing things.
I had to really keep myself reading mostly because of this aspect. I eventually came to turnes with it but hardly.
I particularly disagree with how he is ready to describe gayness as a spiritual disorder but not a psychological one. I feel that if it is a disorder, it is on all levels, and if it's not, than on none. I don't get where he takes the idea that spiritually is a problem, but emotionally and physically ....? I feel this part is not really coherent in itself. Moreover, it gives a counterargument to his arguments about what reality is (as described in the book). If reality is indeed what he says he is, the logical conclusion is that spiritual disorders translate into psychological disorders (and maybe the other way around, too). The gospel accounts also seem to think that there is a connection between physical illnesses and spiritual realities, which is why Jesus makes a point in healing and offering forgiveness of sins at the same time.
Now, the part that I personally found most hurtful of all was the implicit and explicit attitude towards the Protestant Church. I thought the times were long gone where the Catholic Church considered itself the sole Church, but apparently not. I could write further on why this is so wrong, but I wont, I think this is enough. I am sad that this is the view of the author. It is certainly not my view, as his views on being gay are also not my views. But I think it is always good to read a book you don't agree with :)
I would say there were two good things that I liked in this book and two bad things. Which makes me give it 2.5 Stars (well, 3, as you can't give it just 2.5).
Let's start with the good things. I really applaud the courage of the author to come out as "same-sex attracted" instead of "gay". Why? In the world of "you can be whatever you want to be", it seems to me that still there are many things that modern society doesn't allow you to be. The author said he cannot identify with the identity that the label "gay" gives him and he gave his reasons why and one big part of the book is about him explaining what he means by this label and why he feels he wants to reject it. I feel this is a very courageous step to take, but a necessary one. If we really want to be the open to all, accommodating society for every type of people than let's not reject those who are not okay with being gay. It is in their right. This is why I feel the step he did is a courageous one. It seems to me that at least in some circles of society this is an unaccepted feeling. Which is ironic, as not so long ago feeling attracted to the same sex was deemed an unaccepted feeling and according to the self definition of a progressive society is that we are trying to move *away* from deeming some feelings unacceptable.
The second good thing is that the author found a narrative that gives him meaning, a sense of purpose and a chance for a happy and fulfilled life, for which I am honestly happy.
Now to the parts of the book that I really found very problematic. First of all, the entire book is *very* catholic. I wouldn't recommend this book to any person who has had wounds inflicted by the Catholic Church, because I feel it would only make it worse. I am not such a person, thankfully, I only had positive interactions with the Catholic Church, even though I am not a catholic kind of Christian, they always treaded me as a sister (this actually has to do with my second point of critique, so I'll come back to this). So, the philosophy of this author is profoundly catholic and all his thoughts just seem unable to escape that way of seeing things.
I had to really keep myself reading mostly because of this aspect. I eventually came to turnes with it but hardly.
I particularly disagree with how he is ready to describe gayness as a spiritual disorder but not a psychological one. I feel that if it is a disorder, it is on all levels, and if it's not, than on none. I don't get where he takes the idea that spiritually is a problem, but emotionally and physically ....? I feel this part is not really coherent in itself. Moreover, it gives a counterargument to his arguments about what reality is (as described in the book). If reality is indeed what he says he is, the logical conclusion is that spiritual disorders translate into psychological disorders (and maybe the other way around, too). The gospel accounts also seem to think that there is a connection between physical illnesses and spiritual realities, which is why Jesus makes a point in healing and offering forgiveness of sins at the same time.
Now, the part that I personally found most hurtful of all was the implicit and explicit attitude towards the Protestant Church. I thought the times were long gone where the Catholic Church considered itself the sole Church, but apparently not. I could write further on why this is so wrong, but I wont, I think this is enough. I am sad that this is the view of the author. It is certainly not my view, as his views on being gay are also not my views. But I think it is always good to read a book you don't agree with :)
May 19, 2018
In the first part of this book, Daniel Mattson writes with heart-rending honesty about his struggles with same-sex attraction from child to adult, and how he eventually came to see himself not as a gay man, but as a man with SSA, a man who is a child of God. Through his challenges Mattson eventually found himself happily back in the Catholic Church. The second half of the book is devoted to examining & clarifying the Church's teaching on homosexuality, as well as exploring living a chaste life, loneliness, and true friendship. There are some very deep ideas & truths presented here, but with clarity and gentle wit, and again, devastating honesty. Reading Mattson's struggles has certainly given me more empathy for those with SSA, and anyone can relate to and benefit from the other issues that he delves into. Highly recommended.
July 25, 2020
Laughably pathetic filled with outlandish conjectures without any scientific basis. Why do people trust this book?
August 10, 2019
Not knowing any Catholics with same-sex attractions (SSA), I picked up this book wanting to know what life is like for someone with them. I was more than impressed. This book is very well written, and I would recommend it to anyone, not just someone who experiences SSAs.
If I were someone with same-sex attractions, I would have felt comforted as well as challenged by the guidance of this author. Even as someone without these attractions, the personable writing of the author made the book feel more like a conversation, and I felt like I even made a friend in the author.
This is a valuable book, especially for those who experiences same sex attractions, for those who love them such as youth ministers, pastors, parents, teachers, and coaches, and also for anyone who struggles with sins against chastity/purity.
If I were someone with same-sex attractions, I would have felt comforted as well as challenged by the guidance of this author. Even as someone without these attractions, the personable writing of the author made the book feel more like a conversation, and I felt like I even made a friend in the author.
This is a valuable book, especially for those who experiences same sex attractions, for those who love them such as youth ministers, pastors, parents, teachers, and coaches, and also for anyone who struggles with sins against chastity/purity.
December 22, 2018
Tough to read about Daniel having such suffering but is also inspiring in his witness of what is our true identity as a child of God.
July 16, 2018
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book, but I was interested to read a book by someone who considers themselves a Christian and is also gay or attracted to the same sex. Mattson is Catholic and if I had realized how much of the book would be about Catholic teachings/ideas/theology I might not have read it, but I'm glad I did. While I don't agree with Mattson 100% (he does not think anyone is born gay) he is very courageous to open his life up and show his struggle and how he has reconciled his life with the teachings of the Church. The first part is his back story then the rest of the book covers how someone with same sex attraction CAN be a Christian and can glorify God through a life of celibacy. Mattson believes that we are all more than our sexuality and we were all made to glorify God. And while I have issues with the Catholic church, he believes (and I agree) that the Church is to shine a light on the truth of God's Word for the world. While his message won't be popular with the secular world and our current culture, I think he gives a lot of hope for any Believer who struggles with any sexual sin that God can help you and you are more than your sexuality.
Some quotes I liked:
"We all acknowledge the weight of the societal resistance to or rejection of the Church's teachings on marriage and sex. The opposing forces are formidable. Out of fear of being called a 'hater' or 'homophobe,' or worse consequences, we can remain silent and unwilling to raise the banner of truth in a compassionate and thoughtful way." (p. xxxiv-xxxv)
"I have always wanted to live my life based on reality, on the way things really are. On the one hand, the way things 'really are' is that I am sexually attracted to men. But despite what the gay rights movement said about me (that my feelings and attractions reveal my true sexual identity), I never felt convinced by their arguments. 'Being gay' never really made sense to me. Defining reality based on my feelings seemed a rather unconvincing premise upon which to build a life...I want to live my life based on reality, not based on what I feel reality to be." (p. 90)
"We associate this sort of propaganda with the political machine of dictators; yet the weaponizing of the word 'can be found wherever a powerful organization, an ideological clique, a special interest, or a pressure group uses the word as their 'weapon.' The gay rights movement deftly uses the power of propaganda, the word wielded as a weapon, against anyone they perceive stands in the way of their aims. Just recently, a group of 'progressive organizations' fomented a propaganda war against Christian and other religious organizations who still uphold traditional marriage, in opposition to same-sex marriage, by labeling such organizations as 'hate groups.' In some countries like Sweden, it is becoming illegal to even preach about homosexuality as being immoral." (p. 102-3)
Some quotes I liked:
"We all acknowledge the weight of the societal resistance to or rejection of the Church's teachings on marriage and sex. The opposing forces are formidable. Out of fear of being called a 'hater' or 'homophobe,' or worse consequences, we can remain silent and unwilling to raise the banner of truth in a compassionate and thoughtful way." (p. xxxiv-xxxv)
"I have always wanted to live my life based on reality, on the way things really are. On the one hand, the way things 'really are' is that I am sexually attracted to men. But despite what the gay rights movement said about me (that my feelings and attractions reveal my true sexual identity), I never felt convinced by their arguments. 'Being gay' never really made sense to me. Defining reality based on my feelings seemed a rather unconvincing premise upon which to build a life...I want to live my life based on reality, not based on what I feel reality to be." (p. 90)
"We associate this sort of propaganda with the political machine of dictators; yet the weaponizing of the word 'can be found wherever a powerful organization, an ideological clique, a special interest, or a pressure group uses the word as their 'weapon.' The gay rights movement deftly uses the power of propaganda, the word wielded as a weapon, against anyone they perceive stands in the way of their aims. Just recently, a group of 'progressive organizations' fomented a propaganda war against Christian and other religious organizations who still uphold traditional marriage, in opposition to same-sex marriage, by labeling such organizations as 'hate groups.' In some countries like Sweden, it is becoming illegal to even preach about homosexuality as being immoral." (p. 102-3)
August 4, 2017
Éste libro es de lectura obligada a todo aquel hombre que siente atracción por de los de su mismo sexo, y que desea encontrar respuesta a las preguntas fundamentales sobre quién soy.
El testimonio del autor, brinda al lector herramientas para formación de su criterio y así pueda discernir de las experiencias relatadas y de las reflexiones contenidas. Lejos de condenar una u otra postura, el autor narra las decisiones que tomó en su vida y las consecuencias de cada una, su viaje es demasiado interesante y rico en preguntas, sabio en buscar respuestas.
Obligado para todo cristiano católico que tenga el firme deseo de comprender la postura de la Iglesia sobre la homosexualidad y sobre como apoyar a un ser querido o amigo que está pasando por esa situación.
5 estrellas.
El testimonio del autor, brinda al lector herramientas para formación de su criterio y así pueda discernir de las experiencias relatadas y de las reflexiones contenidas. Lejos de condenar una u otra postura, el autor narra las decisiones que tomó en su vida y las consecuencias de cada una, su viaje es demasiado interesante y rico en preguntas, sabio en buscar respuestas.
Obligado para todo cristiano católico que tenga el firme deseo de comprender la postura de la Iglesia sobre la homosexualidad y sobre como apoyar a un ser querido o amigo que está pasando por esa situación.
5 estrellas.
June 12, 2017
A superb book that not only relates a deeply personal and humbling memoir of the author's life with same-sex attractions, but also proves itself to be a universally essential spiritual guide for growing in humility, developing true friendships, recognizing the joy of hard-earned chastity, and so much more. I can't recommend it enough.
Thank you for your testimony.
Thank you for your testimony.
September 21, 2017
This is a heart-rendingly honest book: Mattson doesn't spare himself, or us, as he explores his difficult journey to discover his real self. A fascinating antidote to some of the dominant narratives on either side of this politically charged debate: one man's experience that doesn't conform to the claims of many on either extreme...
June 20, 2018
Brutally honest.
April 25, 2019
This book would have benefited from an editor.
June 30, 2022
nieporozumienie
March 8, 2021
It's hard to say what I think about this book overall. There's a lot I liked, some points I disagreed on, and some points I wasn't too sure about. Also, I faced some confusion on the credibility of this author since he was accused of being in a relationship with a minor in 2019 on Twitter, which is probably still an ongoing case.
Seeing that I have only discovered allegations so far, I've decided to take on the mentality of "innocent until proven guilty" and just look at this book as a testimony about someone who lived a lonely life through his same sex attraction. (I may return to my review later to update it if I hear anything else about Mattson's case).
As far as his personal testimony goes, who am I to say anything about his journey back to God and the Church? It is an amazing journey he went through, and his peace in embracing the love of Christ is beautiful. Through Mattson's book, I found new ways to understand the love of Christ behind the Church's teaching on same sex attraction (SSA) that I have never thought of before. I also never heard of Courage International until this book, and I am pleased to discover that there are resources out there for Catholics with SSA to feel safe and welcome. I was also incredibly impressed by the amount of research and resources into the LGBT community, Mattson's willingness to allow various points of view in his book, and most importantly, how he treats this sensitive subject and people with SSA the dignity they deserve. I was also overwhelmed by his humility as he kept pointing the finger to himself and his past rather than other people with SSA.
I do struggle with some of his points, particularly on his point of view on friendship. While I do think marriage is a beautiful relationship, I do think a close healthy friendship can be just as fulfilling, and at times more important, than marriage. I also think there is a difference in limits between male friendships and female friendships though, so that may be why my perspective is different. Furthermore, while I do understand that some people who identify in the LGBT have gone through some sort of abuse or exposure to same sex activity, I don't think all of them have the same common experience. I do appreciate that Mattson is aware of this fact though and is willing to share his own common experience with others who have similar past scenarios happen to them.
Overall, I am grateful to have read this book and take a look at another perspective on a subject I thought I had all the answers to. I would love to read more materials and look more into this subject.
Seeing that I have only discovered allegations so far, I've decided to take on the mentality of "innocent until proven guilty" and just look at this book as a testimony about someone who lived a lonely life through his same sex attraction. (I may return to my review later to update it if I hear anything else about Mattson's case).
As far as his personal testimony goes, who am I to say anything about his journey back to God and the Church? It is an amazing journey he went through, and his peace in embracing the love of Christ is beautiful. Through Mattson's book, I found new ways to understand the love of Christ behind the Church's teaching on same sex attraction (SSA) that I have never thought of before. I also never heard of Courage International until this book, and I am pleased to discover that there are resources out there for Catholics with SSA to feel safe and welcome. I was also incredibly impressed by the amount of research and resources into the LGBT community, Mattson's willingness to allow various points of view in his book, and most importantly, how he treats this sensitive subject and people with SSA the dignity they deserve. I was also overwhelmed by his humility as he kept pointing the finger to himself and his past rather than other people with SSA.
I do struggle with some of his points, particularly on his point of view on friendship. While I do think marriage is a beautiful relationship, I do think a close healthy friendship can be just as fulfilling, and at times more important, than marriage. I also think there is a difference in limits between male friendships and female friendships though, so that may be why my perspective is different. Furthermore, while I do understand that some people who identify in the LGBT have gone through some sort of abuse or exposure to same sex activity, I don't think all of them have the same common experience. I do appreciate that Mattson is aware of this fact though and is willing to share his own common experience with others who have similar past scenarios happen to them.
Overall, I am grateful to have read this book and take a look at another perspective on a subject I thought I had all the answers to. I would love to read more materials and look more into this subject.
October 15, 2018
Escuché una intervención del cardernal Robert Sarah donde recomendaba leer este libro y decidí hacerle caso. Me hice la idea de que encontraría ideas nuevas que lidiarían con el tema de la sexualidad desde una perspectiva distinta, más profunda y lejana a lo que estamos acostumbrados a ver en las guerras culturales. Como esa era mi motivación principal me sentí decepcionado al terminarlo.
Quisiera darle cinco estrellas por el candor, el coraje y la piedad con la que el autor lo escribe. Siento que habla un hermano en la fe, me siento super empático con su intención y comparto su celo evangelizador. Me ha soprendido gratamente su Cristocentrismo al tratar cada aspecto de este tema.
Pero el estilo autobiográfico, las innumerables citas de otros autores y el repetir constantemente los argumentos característicos de la apologética Católica me lo hizo parecer cansón, monótono y peligrosamente parcializado.
Ciertamente la experiencia del autor no son la norma en personas con atracción hacial el mismo sexo (SSA), pero en todo el libro parece asumirse que este es el caso. Me imagino que muchas personas, no católicas, se sentirán no identificadas con esas generalizaciones, incomprendidas y hasta ofendidas a veces.
Las razones principales por las que el autor decide no utilizar el término "gay" son personales y cuestión de preferencia, pero el intentar justificarlas como algo verdadero, evidente o correcto, es esperar demasiado de argumentos muy débiles.
En conclusión este libro me parece una oportunidad inaprovechada. Dos aspectos que me hubiese encantado ver tratados era el sostenimiento de toda la doctrina Católica sin la asunción de que las personas SSA no nacieron así sino que fueron llevados a esto por "heridas internas" que recibieron en su niñez. El otro aspecto es el de insistir en el trato que los católicos, la feligresía, debe darle a las personas SSA e insistir menos en cómo debe portarse una persona así respecto a los demás o en La Iglesia.
Sin embargo, si el lector es una persona joven, luchando con SSA, o desconocedora de la doctrina católica al respecto, se lo recomendaría como un buen lugar para empezar. Quizá el modo imperante autobiográfico le ayude a muchos para eso.
Quisiera darle cinco estrellas por el candor, el coraje y la piedad con la que el autor lo escribe. Siento que habla un hermano en la fe, me siento super empático con su intención y comparto su celo evangelizador. Me ha soprendido gratamente su Cristocentrismo al tratar cada aspecto de este tema.
Pero el estilo autobiográfico, las innumerables citas de otros autores y el repetir constantemente los argumentos característicos de la apologética Católica me lo hizo parecer cansón, monótono y peligrosamente parcializado.
Ciertamente la experiencia del autor no son la norma en personas con atracción hacial el mismo sexo (SSA), pero en todo el libro parece asumirse que este es el caso. Me imagino que muchas personas, no católicas, se sentirán no identificadas con esas generalizaciones, incomprendidas y hasta ofendidas a veces.
Las razones principales por las que el autor decide no utilizar el término "gay" son personales y cuestión de preferencia, pero el intentar justificarlas como algo verdadero, evidente o correcto, es esperar demasiado de argumentos muy débiles.
En conclusión este libro me parece una oportunidad inaprovechada. Dos aspectos que me hubiese encantado ver tratados era el sostenimiento de toda la doctrina Católica sin la asunción de que las personas SSA no nacieron así sino que fueron llevados a esto por "heridas internas" que recibieron en su niñez. El otro aspecto es el de insistir en el trato que los católicos, la feligresía, debe darle a las personas SSA e insistir menos en cómo debe portarse una persona así respecto a los demás o en La Iglesia.
Sin embargo, si el lector es una persona joven, luchando con SSA, o desconocedora de la doctrina católica al respecto, se lo recomendaría como un buen lugar para empezar. Quizá el modo imperante autobiográfico le ayude a muchos para eso.
February 28, 2021
When our chaplain handed this book to me several months ago, I didn't see it as anything special, and hesitated to read it for a while - I picked it up because I wanted to finish it to give it back, but now I am genuinely glad that I read it.
Even for someone who does not experience same-sex attraction, I found this book very meaningful. I appreciated Mattson's self-analysis of his past experiences and how they led him to act on his same-sex attractions lined up perfectly - as he repeats, the "hard to explain" isn't so hard to explain. I felt like Mattson gave voice to some of the problems I have considered and tried to put in to words, but haven't been able because I do not share the experiences of someone who has truly wrestled with these issues within themselves. The ideas were presented clearly and genuinely, for which I give the author credit.
I did not expect about half of the book to be more essay-like in that the author reflects on passages from the Bible, lives of the saints, and writings of many authors (from Catholics to secular). Though unexpected, this portion was not unwelcome, and I think it added to the book. While I think Mattson gets most of his credit in this book from recounting his own life experiences, the connections to other authors allows the reader to bridge his experience with Church teaching, secular ideals, and our human and spiritual struggles.
Even for someone who does not experience same-sex attraction, I found this book very meaningful. I appreciated Mattson's self-analysis of his past experiences and how they led him to act on his same-sex attractions lined up perfectly - as he repeats, the "hard to explain" isn't so hard to explain. I felt like Mattson gave voice to some of the problems I have considered and tried to put in to words, but haven't been able because I do not share the experiences of someone who has truly wrestled with these issues within themselves. The ideas were presented clearly and genuinely, for which I give the author credit.
I did not expect about half of the book to be more essay-like in that the author reflects on passages from the Bible, lives of the saints, and writings of many authors (from Catholics to secular). Though unexpected, this portion was not unwelcome, and I think it added to the book. While I think Mattson gets most of his credit in this book from recounting his own life experiences, the connections to other authors allows the reader to bridge his experience with Church teaching, secular ideals, and our human and spiritual struggles.
July 6, 2021
Read a good chunk but not all of it. I didn't find it insightful beyond the author's personal insight for himself. It seemed written more for him than for others. This could be helpful to some, as many would benefit from following another person's journey, but I could not derive principles or insights into the struggle and disorder that is erotic same-sex attraction. I would like to commend the author for his strength and courage in making a testimony that is so contradictory to the world in which we live. Thank you. I know that scandal surrounded the author for some kind of same-sex erotic lapse, but that does not change the principles by which he is striving to live. Sinners fall and horribly so. Redemption is still held out to them.
August 5, 2022
This book is written with brutal honesty and humility. The sections on loneliness and friendship resonated with me and made me reflect on the role of friendship in my life. As I walked with Daniel in his path toward sanctity I experienced a range of emotions. I was deeply touched by his story and inspired to do better, be better. I highly recommend this book for anyone, not just those with same-sex attraction.
February 24, 2020
What I appreciated about this book is the idea of the power of words in its use to pigeonhole and to box people in. I respect and agree with the author’s views that sexuality is not an identity. In the book, Gore Vidal said “Many human beings enjoy sexual relations with their own sex; many don’t...this plurality is the fact of our nature and not worth fretting about.” This was my favorite line.
September 4, 2022
Incredible book on the topic of same-sex attraction and the Catholic Church—would recommend as a must-read for anyone seeking understanding on this topic! Raw and real and soaked in Truth and Love Himself.
September 3, 2021
i wish i could describe in words how much this book means to me
May 1, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I do think Mattson has done a service to communicate some of the emotional complications which those who struggle with SSA face.
August 31, 2023
Riveting. An important read.
July 16, 2022
This book is largely about the writer's struggle with his same-sex love and addiction to porn. He thoroughly investigates the source of these attractions, mercilessly exposing himself. In this reader this regularly caused vicarious shame. Like when you read someone's diary with their most intimate thoughts. And sometimes I wondered if this was really necessary. I didn't recognize myself in it, but was triggered nonetheless. The search goes not only in depth, but also in breadth. Only in the end I found it really interesting and educational when it comes to friendship, what it means, what are you looking for in it? And about loneliness and how to deal with it. I can wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone for these final chapters alone. Not to read in one go, but to take in doses.
Dit boek gaat grotendeels over de worsteling vd schrijver met zijn liefde voor hetzelfde geslacht en zijn verslaving aan porno. Hij doet grondig onderzoek naar de bron van deze aantrekkingskrachten waarbij hij zichzelf genadeloos blootlegt. Bij deze lezer veroorzaakte dit regelmatig plaatsvervangende schaamte. Zoals wanneer je iemands dagboek leest met zijn intiemste gedachten. En soms vroeg ik me af of dit echt nodig was. Ik herkende me er niet in, maar was toch getriggerd. De zoektocht gaat niet alleen de diepte, maar ook de breedte in. Op het einde vond ik het pas echt interessant en leerzaam worden als het gaat over vriendschap, wat betekent het, wat zoek je erin? En over eenzaamheid en hoe daarmee om te gaan. Alleen al om deze laatste hoofdstukken kan ik dit boek iedereen van harte aanbevelen. Niet om in één ruk uit te lezen, wel om gedoseerd tot je te nemen.
Dit boek gaat grotendeels over de worsteling vd schrijver met zijn liefde voor hetzelfde geslacht en zijn verslaving aan porno. Hij doet grondig onderzoek naar de bron van deze aantrekkingskrachten waarbij hij zichzelf genadeloos blootlegt. Bij deze lezer veroorzaakte dit regelmatig plaatsvervangende schaamte. Zoals wanneer je iemands dagboek leest met zijn intiemste gedachten. En soms vroeg ik me af of dit echt nodig was. Ik herkende me er niet in, maar was toch getriggerd. De zoektocht gaat niet alleen de diepte, maar ook de breedte in. Op het einde vond ik het pas echt interessant en leerzaam worden als het gaat over vriendschap, wat betekent het, wat zoek je erin? En over eenzaamheid en hoe daarmee om te gaan. Alleen al om deze laatste hoofdstukken kan ik dit boek iedereen van harte aanbevelen. Niet om in één ruk uit te lezen, wel om gedoseerd tot je te nemen.
January 28, 2019
I thought the book was good as a contribution to the topic, but I thought he was too quick to dismiss "gay" as an identity. I understand his point that he does not see it as a viable central identity and a defining principle of one's life. Yet I disagree in his saying it is not an identity at all because one really could identify with any aspect of their life. Just because he doesn't identity with his sexual orientation doesn't mean no one can.
But from a Catholic identity and conversion point of view, I appreciated reading about his experience. I had seen his story in the movie "Desire for the Everlasting Hills" and it was good to learn more about him.
But from a Catholic identity and conversion point of view, I appreciated reading about his experience. I had seen his story in the movie "Desire for the Everlasting Hills" and it was good to learn more about him.
July 20, 2018
Good apologetics by author on why he does not want a "gay" label. Author has a strong identity of self as God's child and labelling him "gay" takes that dignity away. I recommend this book to people in the helping ministries as well. This book may help to change perspectives and help those in helping ministries to "know" how to be accommodating and supportive.
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