Thinking Out Loud: Love, Grief and Being Mum and Dad

by Rio Ferdinand

In 2015, former England football star Rio Ferdinand suddenly and tragically lost his wife and soulmate Rebecca, aged 34, to cancer. It was a profound shock and Rio found himself struggling to cope not just with the pain of his grief, but also with his new role as both mum and dad to their three young children.

Rio's BBC1 documentary, Being Mum and Dad, touched everyone who watched it and won huge praise for the honesty and bravery he showed in talking about his emotions and experiences. His book now shares the story of meeting, marrying and losing Rebecca, his own and the family's grief - as well as the advice and support that gets him through each day as they strive to piece themselves back together. It is written in the hope that he can inspire others struggling with loss and grief to find the help they need through this most difficult of times.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Autobiography, Football

203 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 3, 2017

About the author

Rio Gavin Ferdinand (born 7 November 1978) is an English footballer. He plays at centre back for Manchester United in the Premier League and at the international level for the England national football team. He has achieved 70 caps for the English national team while being selected for three FIFA World Cup squads. He is currently the vice-captain of the England national team and stand-in captain for Manchester United.

Known for his physical presence and composure on the ball, Ferdinand began his football career playing for various youth teams, finally settling at West Ham United where he progressed through the youth ranks and made his professional Premier League debut in 1996. He became a fan favourite, winning the 'Hammer of the Year award' the following season. He earned his first senior international cap in a match against Cameroon in 1997, setting a record as the youngest defender to play for England at the time. His achievements and footballing potential attracted Leeds United and he transferred to the club for a record-breaking fee of £18 million. He spent two seasons at the club, becoming the team captain in 2001.

He joined Manchester United in July 2002 for around £30 million, breaking the transfer fee record once more. He won the Premier League, his first major club honour, in a successful first season at the club. He missed a drugs test and was banned from competition for eight months, causing him to miss half a Premier League season and the Euro 2004 international competition. Upon his return, he established himself in the Manchester United first team and received plaudits for his performances, featuring in the PFA Team of the Year three times in four years. More club success followed with another Premier League win in the 2006–07 season and a Premier League and UEFA Champions League double the following year. His importance to the national team was underlined in March 2008 when Ferdinand captained England for the first time.

Ferdinand has two sons, Lorenz and Tate, with his fiancée Rebecca Ellison. His family is known for footballing prowess: brother Anton Ferdinand is also a centre back and former England international Les Ferdinand is his cousin. Off the pitch he is involved with music and television including the brief prank series Rio's World Cup Wind-Ups.

Reviews

[Rebecca Carter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this book thinking "why did I take so long to actually get around to this"? Maybe I thought it was going to be depressing and I wasn't in the right state of mind. I don't know why, but it took me almost a year to begin reading it. I was living overseas when the documentary about Rio Ferdinand and his family's loss was screened in the U.K. I had read things on social media by people who didn't think much of him, who then watched the documentary, and their opinion towards him changed to one of respect and sympathy.

I guess I was ambivalent towards him. When I lived in the U.K. Rio was playing at Man Utd and they were the team to beat. I used to be quite into football back then and respected him as a player. I had no interest in his personal life, and to be fair, didn't pick up on any gossip about him - although I'm not really one for gossip rags. Then I moved overseas; during that time the U.K. press began finding ways to "out" players who had taken out high court injunctions against British media outlets to prevent them reporting on their dubious personal lives. Everyone has heard about Giggs and Rooney's affairs. I was oblivious to Rio Ferdinand being mixed up in this. Strangely enough, until I was about 30% through this book I thought he sounded devoted to his wife. I picked up on an odd line about him saying he certainly wasn't a saint - but didn't think too much about it. The other day I was reading an article online about a dress (of all things), and the related comments. I knew Rio is now in a relationship with another woman and just engaged, but didn't know her, her name or what she did for a living - I just don't care a great deal for celebrity gossip.
Many online comments were about this woman, saying she and Rio should be disgusted with themselves for allegedly creeping around behind his dying wife's back, while seeing Kate (the girlfriend). While married he also allegedly cheated on his wife at least ten times (this is how many super injunctions were taken out to prevent the press reporting). It's said to actually be over 30 affairs and flings.

Sorry for digressing. Reading this made me reluctant to carry on with "Thinking Out Loud". It tarnished the entire book and made it feel like a fallacy. What kind of man can (allegedly) have numerous affairs, treat his wife with utter contempt and disrespect and then publish a book about grief and getting over the loss of her? It just didn't sit right with me.

I persevered and tried to ignore what I now know about the man. The book is part memoir, part autobiography and part a manual for dealing with loss and grief, after his wife Rebecca is diagnosed with cancer.
From about 60% onwards in particular, parts of the book could be helpful for someone grieving the loss of a loved one. Although Rio had the help of numerous professionals and resources normal people simply wouldn't have access to, there are some helpful pointers and lists of charities and helpful organisations.

Knowing how reluctant some men are to deal with emotional issues and grief, the fact this is written by a footballer, may encourage them to pick it up and read and in the process learn to open up more.

I wish I could write a more positive review and had remained oblivious to what Rio had (allegedly) been up to while he wife was in a hospital bed dying from cancer. This review would have been totally different. Sadly it altered my opinion of him and made me contemplate what he was doing at various points in the book, when he kept reiterating he has a "terrible memory" and grief can also make you blank time. I'm aware I should have attempted to remain neutral, however that's somewhat difficult when a book is about his "cherished beautiful" wife that he appears devoted to. There was another part that now makes me cringe, about moving on and dating other people and how unless you've been in the same situation you can't possible understand. Now I can't help but think he raised such a point because he (allegedly) had someone else on the sidelines. Really wanted to enjoy this but sadly allegations ruined it :(

Saying that, Rio appears to be a fantastic father to his three children. He's willing to see his errors and attempt to change them to be a better father. I'm sure this book will help many people, in particular men, to help deal with their emotions and grief after the loss of a loved one. Which if you take the book on the surface, and don't know any other details, is what the aim of it is - to help people to open up and overcome grief.

Thanks to NetGalley and Hodder & Stoughton for the opportunity to read this ARC in return for an honest and unbiased review.

[Gary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had already read and enjoyed Rio Ferdinand's biography but I was a little doubtful whether I wanted to read this due to the main subject matter of the book. I did choose to read it and was glad I did, yes it was sad and upsetting but it was a lot more than that. It helps to explain Rio's grief and how he manages to cope in such difficult circumstances bringing up 3 young children who are also struggling to cope with the tragic loss of their mother. Rio confesses that he has always struggled to show his feelings but now he must take on the role of both mother and father as well as trying to get through his own life. This is a very good read about a difficult subject, Rio Ferdinand shows bravery and resolve to overcome his most difficult situation.
I would like to thank Net Galley and Hodder & Stoughton for supplying a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

thanks to netgalley and the publishers for a free copy in return for an open and honest review

found this memoir based on his wife battle with cancer and his coping measures very heart warming and very interesting on how people cope with the loss of a loved one and how it effects the whole family and friends.

[Louise Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think most people will have heard of the footballer Rio Ferdinand. He tragically lost his wife Rebecca to cancer when she was just 34. Rio had to become both father and mother to his three young children. Rio has also made a documentary, Being Mum and Dad, and it touched everyone who watched it. In this biography Rio is brutally honest about not being able to express his emotions. This is an honest emotional read and you don't have to be a fan of football to enjoy this book.

I would like to thank NetGalley, Hodder and Stoughton and the author Rio Ferdinand for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving, thought-provoking and inspiring memoir by Rio Ferdinand who lost his wife to cancer at a young age, leaving him with three children to raise, and then his mother some two years later in the same way. Rio's 'warts-and-all' descriptions of what he did and didn't do, what he should have done and wished he had done is a real inspiration to anyone who has suffered bereavement and a guide to those facing such a challenge in the future. I thought how brave he was to do the television documentary and now even more so as he has followed it up with a more expansive analysis of his own failings in this book, which can only be of benefit to us all - 10/10.

[Bookread2day · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thinking Out Loud broke my heart reading it. Not only has Rio lost his wife Rebecca but he also lost his mother too. It's amazing how Rio finds the strength to be a mum and a dad to his children. There is a beautiful picture on the first page of Rebecca in her wedding dress. Lovely pictures are throughout Thinking Out Loud. Rio was sent many letters of support which he has added them in this book. You don't need to be a fan of football to read this brave account of Rio Ferdinand.

[Sara Oxton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thinking out loud: Love, grief and being mum and dad a five-star read that will have you grabbing everyone you care about and not wishing to let them go. I was a little perturbed about this book at first as I had seen the documentary and thought this was just going to be a celebrity autobiography dealing with life as a footballer, but it’s so much more. There is a great quality to the writing, and the openness that is shared in the content and the stories shared are full of heart-warming tales about real life, not the glossed over version we normally see. I’m not a fan of football, but I have faced loss in my life and this book was so refreshing and showed you can deal with loss in your own way and there’s no cut and straight ways. It’s hard to pin this to one category, as there is so much in it. Overall I’m just glad I read it.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a totally wonderful book. heartbreaking at times. I felt rio wrote from the heart and was so lovely to hear a man's prospective . I wish him well in his new relationship. great book

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read many celebrity and sporting autobiographies, but this was so very different. Rio Ferdinand's book read more like a confession at times rather than the memoirs of one of the worlds top footballers.

Rio had been bought up to hide his feelings, not to talk about anything emotional and that to show feelings was a sign of weakness. This was carried on into his football career where his whole life centered on winning matches. Failure was not an option and the loss of a match was met with utter devastation.

When Rio met and married Rebecca she understood that his world of football was all-consuming, that he would miss big family occasions because he was away playing football and not always be there for herself and their children.

Rebecca accepted this lifestyle because she knew that the career of a footballer was so short lived and that the day would come when he would hang up his boots and they could reap the rewards of his dedication to the game with a lavish and privileged lifestyle. She ran the home to perfection and was a fantastic mother to their three children, happy to keep everything running smoothly, and accepting that her husband was working for the benefit of their family.

Tragically Rebecca died from cancer in 2015 leaving Rio with three children he hardly knew how to communicate with and no idea how to care for.

Rio had been unable to accept that Rebecca was terminally ill and refused to let her talk about her upcoming death, her deepest wishes, messages for her children and now the guilt was wearing away at him. Rio doesn't just tell how things happened, but how he told the world they had happened, because he was in denial, still working and avoiding facing up to the sadly inevitable.

The autobiography is an enormously brave account and an extremely honest view of how badly he got things so wrong. From such a private, guarded and proud man, this book is truly amazing, and you can tell that it is done purely to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did.

The book shows that people can change, adapt and admit that to move on you need to show feelings and admit insecurities.

A tragic, heartbreaking book that will help so many grief-stricken people carry on after bereavement.

Rio Ferdinand also made a powerful and acclaimed documentary called 'Being Mum and Dad', that was aired by the BBC in 2017.

Thank you NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s funny isn’t it that we all at some point are going to die and yet we barely ever talk about it, in fact we try our best to avoid and delude ourselves into thinking that death is naturally something that will happen to us, our friends and family eventually, but only in the far-flung future. Although this book is heavily focused on men not being able to process grief I think it is applicable to everyone; particularly those of us who find it hard to bevocal about how we feel. When I experienced grief, I didn’t talk to anyone about it; I just buried it as deep as I could, and it remained an underlying issue for me for over 10 years. I’d been carrying around with me feelings of guilt for not spending more time with that person, for not showing them how much they meant to me and for being selfish in how I spent my time around them. The pain of losing someone you’re so close to makes you never want to be close to anyone again; you distance yourself and try to keep everyone at an arm’s length; you care but you don’t show ever show it. You try to make yourself as self-sufficient as possible so that if you ever lose anyone again you won’t fall apart. You then overgeneralise this and if another person makes you feel negative emotions you have a knee-jerk reaction to just cut them off and escape, which makes further relationships tumultuous. All this is hiding just below your consciousness and you don’t for years even realise you are doing it, so you make it very likely in the future that you’ll have the same guilt about someone else when they die. This book is immersive into the world of someone who is processing their grief and the challenges they face along the way; I was in tears at the end and hoping that no one I knows dies anytime soon.

[Jane Hunt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, with honesty and sensitivity, This is a story of a man's life and career and how he coped with the loss of his young wife. It is fast paced, poignant and gives a message of hope to those in similar circumstances.

I received a copy of this book from Hodder& Stoughton via NetGalley in return for an honest review.

[Coral · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really lovely and from the heart - he has a big heart ❤️

[Hayley Whytock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book definitely puts life into perspective, it makes you think, it makes you value everything you have. You don't know what you've got until it's gone.
I genuinely do think that it will be a massive help to people.

[Vicki - I Love Reading · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first thing I have to say about this book is, What an emotional read!
Tears were dropping down my cheeks at an alarming rate reading this book, I was a snotty sniveling mess. What a beautifully written, honest and emotional read that was.
Rio Ferdinand thought he was in control of his life, until the day his beautiful wife died, and his life changed forever, not only his life but the life of his 3 children. This book not only highlights how coping with grief is so difficult, but how one parent has to suddenly take on the roll of being both parents.
When you're the parent that wasn't in charge of the household, the daily running of things, you hadn't even realised the task of the school run is a military operation that you didn't realise just how much needed to be done, then life changes and changes in a big way.
Facing all these changes as well as suffering the loss of a loved one must be so so difficult, and in this book Rio tells us just how he found it, how he coped and didn't cope. How the children managed each day or didn't manage. This is a raw and honestly written book. It's an absolutely heart wrenching read, and anyone that has suffered the loss of someone they loved will understand a lot of what is said in this book. I also hope that this book will help anyone currently going through grief, to realise that grief is normal, anyone/everyone can suffer with grief at some stage, some cope better than others, there is no right or wrong way.

We also learn in this book of Rio's upbringing, his journey into football and him meeting his wife Rebecca. As I said earlier this book is emotional, it is very well put together, raw, honest, moving, i'm stuck for words on giving this book the justice it deserves. But if one person going through grief can find any form of comfort or help from this book then it's all been worth it for Rio, jumping out of his comfort zone and admitting that he's not a super human robot. And it shows that just because you are up there in the lime light, doesn't mean you are not affected like any other human being. Well done for writing this book Rio, I hope it also helped you.

[Leonard Bacica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a football biography unlike any other football biography: the sport only stays in the background and despite the insights into Rio's footballing life, the book centers on his family life. Meeting Rebecca - his future wife, their years together, the tough time of acting as a single parent while his wife was being treated for cancer and finally, his struggle to keep going and having to fulfill, this time for good, the roles of both mum and dad for his three kids.

Sure, due to his footballing talents Rio has had, since his mid-teens, a privileged life, and he doesn't shy away from it. But looking too much at the story from this angle doesn't do justice to anyone, least so to Rio. Tragedy is tragedy, and no amount of wealth or social privilege can protect you from it.

Not having experienced a loss as big as Rio's, I don't know how it feels. But I know that if, God forbid, I would suffer such a loss, I'd like to have a book like this close. And I feel it is a great instrument and has the potential to help a lot of people that go through similar experiences.

I cried a number of times while reading it, and there's also a lot of cute moments in the book, specially when he talks about the relationship with his kids.

Writing this book has been an enormous act of courage for Rio and shows both his strength of characters and his generosity. It is a great read, and I now think of it as a very peculiar cross between biography, self-help book and great literature.

Having experienced the death of his mother less than two years after his wife's was soul-crushing even for me when hearing the news. I can only imagine how poor Rio must've felt. All the more admirable that he chose to go through with his projects, all the more admirable to see him weekly in Sky's pundit chair. Even with this review, I feel I've been too harsh with a very admirable man and a great footballer. I'll end with a little story that is, I think, illustrative for Rio's character:

Earlier this month, when attending the launch of the book, we were told that a book is included in the price of the ticket, but there will be no signings, autograph sessions or photo-ops. And it was indeed an unfitting atmosphere for a meet-up between a footballer and his fans: most people in the audience were either recently bereaved or healthcare professionals, Rio's family and close friends were there and yes, there were a few Manchester United jerseys in the room, but they were in no way a focus. At the end, however, ignoring the organizer's advice and venue security's orders, Rio stayed and signed all the books that he was requested to, took all the pictures with everyone who asked him to and was generally an all-round gracious host.

I now feel sorry for ever being judgmental about Rio. Whenever I see him nowadays, whether on TV or in a picture, I just want to give him a big hug.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rio Ferdinand’s BBC documentary charted his journey as he attempted to come to terms with the tragic death of his wife Rebecca. The reception to the documentary caught him by surprise. “I knew I needed help to come to terms with a death,” writes Ferdinand, “[but] along the way, what I have discovered is that practically everyone else does too.”

Grief and loss are inescapable. These emotions inevitably impact each of us. Ferdinand has written Thinking Out Loud to continue the conversation about grief and to help those who have had to deal with unexpected death. It’s an insightful and moving written account that will continue to raise awareness about the impact of loss on our lives.

Whilst the book does give an excellent insight into the mindset of a top footballer, it’s not simply for football fans. It’s not your typical post-sports career money making autobiography. Instead, it is a book about loss and grief and how to mourn. It's about the void that Rebecca's death left on every aspect of Ferdinand's life. It’s a book about trying to parent your children after the death of your partner. It’s a book about the impact of Ferdinand’s upbringing and career as an elite sportsman on his ability to show emotion. It’s a book about men’s mental health and how many men have never been taught how to mourn. It’s a book with great advice for those who have been through what Ferdinand has been through.

Ferdinand’s story is heartbreaking, but it could easily happen to anyone. That is why this is an important book. It’s easy to read and I highly recommend it. Thanks to Ferdinand for continuing to use his experiences and his position as a former footballer to help and encourage others.

A copy of this book was provided for review by the publisher via NetGalley.

[Jaffareadstoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rarely have I read a celebrity autobiography is one sitting but there's something so profoundly moving about Thinking Out Loud that I really couldn't put it down and read several chapters with tears streaming down my face. The heartbreak and loneliness, and the sheer bewilderment of such a tragic loss comes through with every sentiment expressed and every emotion observed.

Rio acknowledges how difficult is was for him to express his grief, and his interaction with other men who had also experienced loss gives valuable insight, not just into the way that men cope with grief, but also in recognition of how dealing with loss in a positive way can aid the grieving process. His insightful inclusion of some of the letters he has received since the documentary aired on television, are some of the saddest, and perhaps the most inspiring things I have read in a very long time.

Not just dealing with his own grief, Rio also had to try to make sense of the senseless for his children. I think it is in these chapters where my heart broke again into a million pieces for this little family who struggled to understand just how different their lives were without their adored mum. I think amongst the most poignant of memories shared was the idea of starting Rebecca's Memory Jar and of just how important these memories were to her children and also to everyone who knew Rebecca.

They say, what breaks us, makes us stronger and most certainly for the Ferdinand family, who have endured more than their fair share of loss in recent times, I would hope that they now have a period of calm, of course, never forgetting the pain of their loss, but hopefully they can now carry the love they shared into the future.

[Susan Foulkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one sitting, with tears streaming down my face.

It is emotional, and heartbreaking, yet it leaves you with a sense of hope.

Rio is brutally honest about his difficulties in expressing his emotions, and he is courageous in his assessments as to why he is this way.

His childhood, and his life as a professional footballer, along with his intense desire to "win", moulded him into the man he was when Rebecca tragically died, at far too young an age. Being bereaved is hard at any age, but having three young children to nurture, to be both Mum and Dad to, is overwhelming.

Grief, whist suffered by all who lose a partner, me included, is not a one size fits all emotion. We all grieve differently, and learn to cope in different ways. I admire Rio for accepting that he needed help, then following through and finding it.

Sadly, Rio had to put what he'd learned into practice far too soon when his mother also died from cancer.

The book is beautifully written, it reads as though Rio is talking to you.

I hope this book helps as many people as possible, men and women, with its insights into death and bereavement, and would like to thank him for allowing this glimpse into his private life at such a difficult time.

[Joyb Animalcrackers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I assumed Rio Ferdinand was like most men and unable to talk about emotions, but it seems he is worse than most even when things are good. When his beloved wife died he was unequipped to cope with his own grief let alone that of his children.
His life has been so centred on playing football, it seems a pretty miserable existence .Wary if a girl speaks to him in case it is his fame she is interested in rather than the person. Unable to enjoy family holidays because of needing to keep in the mindset of top player. Unable to cope with normal life at all. So when he is faced with grief he has no means of dealing with it. He hasn’t even been taught to say thank you to people who help him so finds himself trying to function in a hostile environment all of the time.
Somehow he dredges up enough sense to seek help for his children’s sake. The ensuing documentary has a great impact on complete strangers and he is then unable to respond to them but at least he tries.
Just when things are improving his greatest ally his mum also develops terminal cancer. At least this time around he has an idea of what he should do even though he doesn’t always succeed.

[Will · Rating 3 out of 5]

A heartfelt and emotional account of Rio Ferdinand struggling to deal with the death of his wife from cancer at a young age. Looking into his own life, he deals openly with his inability to process emotions, coming both from British upbringing and the culture of his Saint Lucian father. When his wife dies, and he embarks on a journey as a single parent, he learns to process his emotional failings and come to grips with grief. The book will likely be widely read by people struggling with grief, especially blokey blokes who also struggle with their emotions. The one down side of the book for me is that there are several instances where the author (and also his wife before she dies) express suspicion of professional mental health care workers, who are seen as not having personally gone through the exact same experience, and therefore are unable to help. The author himself finds solace in speaking to other men who lost their wives. Whereas everyone's path of grief is different, and I don't aim to question anyone's individual path, the book risks coming across as spreading some kind of suspicion of mental health care workers.

[Candice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not the type of person to cry but I did shed a few tears while reading this book. It’s very touching and heartfelt. Perhaps, I could also relate to his kids in a way as my dad passed away when I was 14 from brain cancer and I also had a friend pass away due to a motor vehicle accident, who left behind a fiancé and a 2 year old son. It’s certainly relatable and I consider Rio’s words to be of great benefit to breakdown the barriers that have been understood culturally for many, many years.

This book can definitely go a long way in helping people to understand and acknowledge their grief, and the grieving types of others, while also providing some good suggestions to help the grieving process and to develop ways of coping, to make the most of a devastating situation.

Well done, Rio for turning your darkest moments, into a shining light to lead the way for others. It takes courage to write a book like this, especially to show others your own vulnerabilities, to ensure others don’t make the same mistakes. Rebecca and your mum would be extremely proud of you for how you have handled this.

[Michelle B · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was tempted to read this book after watching Rio in the BBC documentary “Being Mum and Dad” and reading an interview in the Guardian with the ghostwriter of this book, Decca Aikenhead. Decca obviously took a lot of care in writing the book as when reading the book it comes across very clearly as though Rio had written it. She has carefully selected the words to ensure the terminology and vocabulary would be within his useable. It is as though he is speaking with you and he comes across as he did in the documentary. She describes that having completed the book she felt not like a ghost writer but more like a surrogate writer and the project belongs to Rio - the rightful owner. Decca deserves praise for this as does Rio for being able to open up to her enough to see a vulnerable side to him and to verbalise his emotions to enable her to get them down on paper as this is clearly not easy for him.
It makes a great, but obviously sad, read.
I wish Rio and his family every happiness for the future.
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book.

[Linda Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having watched Rio's documentary earlier this year, I was keen to read this book. The documentary dealt with how Rio started to come to terms with the death of his wife and how he suddenly found himself being Mum and Dad to their 3 young children. The book deals with the same issues and offers lots of advice to people in the same position, but it also concentrates on Rio's early life. He tries to analyse what he feels made it difficult for him to talk about his loss and to ask for help. I really appreciated his honesty about his approach to his football - he clearly wasn't an easy person to live with during those years. It is just so sad that Rebecca never got to live their planned life after football, as she kept the family going while Rio concentrated on his career. I recommend this as a good read. Thanks to NetGalley for a preview copy.

[Sue Clement · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to say I was a bit sceptical at first when I was offered this book as I hadn’t seen the documentary that Rio had done but had heard nothing but praise for it. It’s also been a long time since I’ve read an auto biography. The first thing that hits you is that this book is Rios own words and not that of a professional author. This is what made the book even more endearing and you couldn’t help but fall In love with Rebecca too.
It was an open and honest biography about Rios own childhood and his own demons on and off he football pitch. It also gave you a different dimension with the inclusion of others stories and letters. It is definitely a book I shall revisit again in the future but for now my tears from the first and last chapter have finally dried. Thank you Rio.

[Linda Tilling · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be an unexpectedly honest and in-depth look at grief and struggling to step up as a Widower, to be a mother as well as a father to three young children by Rio Ferdinand.

I had memories of him from his football playing days, but had no idea of the struggles he faced throughout his childhood, adolescence and becoming a reluctant celebrity. This was a warts and all look at his failings as a husband in some respects, and he does not shy away from admitting to his failures in this regard, but faces them head on.

I finished the book with so much respect for him and having watched his documentary for the second time, I have no hesitation in recommending this book to anyone whether they are dealing with grief right now, or know it is lurking around the corner for us all.

[Adenrele Adesina · Rating 5 out of 5]

My little brother was and is a Red so I even though I’m not really a football fan, I knew the Man U squad in the 90s and 00s, sort of. I saw a documentary trailer and that prompted me to read the book. I found it raw, honest and very moving. The journey of a young man, who had led a very successful career in competitive, top flight football suddenly had a much, much more difficult mountain to climb. This was the journey of a laser focused footballing tough guy into the unfamiliar places of the heart. It is heartbreaking and encouraging and for the grieving, it is full of hope. Whether you love the Reds or loathe them, you will be rooting for Rio Ferdinand by the end of this book and will have insight and empathy for anyone you know that is walking a similar path.

[Paul Farrer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Open and honest

If you have ever lost a loved one and didn't know how to grieve, then read this book. A really open and honest account of someone who has everything and then a big part of it was gone leaving him with 3 children and no idea how to do anything for them. Showing that came and fortune are no good to you if. You can't cope. Rio tells of his mistakes and regrets and how he had to start over again learning to bring up his children on his own. At the same time dealing with his feelings that he has not been able to show before. Heartbreaking story but an excellent read.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having watched the BBC documentary, I was keen to read this book.
I find it hard to comment on the book.
To say that I enjoyed it would be untrue, however I have rated it five stars for the honesty.
Interwoven within the heart-breaking story is an informative insight into the way in which Rio Ferdinand was so driven during his professional footballing career.
There are so many upsetting aspects to the book.
I wish him and his family well for the future.
My thanks go to Netgalley and Hodder & Stoughton for a copy of this book in return for this review.

[Sammy Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing read, Dealing with loss is very difficult and for Rio to put it all in a book and share it with other people is amazing, I'm sure for anyone who has experienced loss me included, this book is great for showing that whoever you are, however rich and famous we are all affected by it, death is a great leveller, the advice he was given and shared will definitely be a great comfort to someone else going through the same thing, I wish you and your family Rio nothing but love and happiness from now on and for always.

[Adele · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the daughter of a widower at age 33, I thought that this book was going to be really hard to read but it wasn't at all. To start off I couldn't believe how self centred Rio the footballer was and I felt really sorry for his wife having to put her life completely on hold for him. Thankfully he realised this.....right when he was having to deal with the devastating aftermath. I never saw the programme when it aired but I remember reading of people talking about how great it was and how much it helped other widowers with young children, and I hope that this book helps them too.