The Art of Getting to YES: How Using Questions Correctly Inspires Action, Agreement, and Connection with Anyone

by Lynn Baber

Do you consciously frame questions so the easiest answer is "Yes"? "We need to talk, can you meet me at noon?"Fear strikes the heart of most folks when they hear, "We need to talk..." from their boss or spouse. Heart rates soar, blood pressure rises, and concentration on anything else is pretty much toast. Unless the specific intent was to cause panic, one bit of questionable communication can ruin your day.

Effective communication is hard. Concise effective communication is an art. For those who don’t have the gift, questions can even the playing field. That’s how questions became the foundation of the author's career and inspired this short-read book.

People who ask brilliant questions are often more successful than people who give brilliant answers. It's like the old story about the difference between giving someone a fish or teaching them how to fish. One answer won't make your career, but skillfully asking the right questions might.



˃˃˃ Personal and professional relationships are fed by trust. Properly using questions inspires trust.Most people look for a yes - action, obedience, or agreement - from customers, colleagues, families, and even horses. This short book addresses the reasons why you don’t get the response you want and the unintended consequences of asking the wrong question.

Easy-to-understand and packed with illustrations, "The Art of YES" shares the 4 Types of Questions and teaches you to wield them effectively and responsibly. Has a question ever made you feel uncomfortable? If that wasn't the intent, what went wrong?

Written by Lynn Baber, best-selling author, World and National Champion horse trainer and breeder, and promoter of the concept of Message over Market. A serial entrepreneur, Lynn credits her success in large part to the savvy use of questions.

Scroll up, grab a copy, and unlock the power of questions today.

Genres: Amazon, Nonfiction

49 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 30, 2017

Reviews

[Mai Thi Ngoc Tu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tempted to read "The Art of Saying NO", I was borrowing through the book list and smitten with this title.
In short, the book hit my ego hard, in the right place, at the high right time.
Concise, crisp. A highly recommended quick fix for young motivated people who are at the junction of their quarter-life crisis. It does not only offer the art of asking questions purposefully and consciously but also provides a strikingly corrective and relatable kaleidoscope of life, leadership, and relationship.


Effective communication is hard. Concise effective communication is an art. For those who don't have the gift, questions can even be the playing field. That's how questions became the foundation of my career.
Success is the result of learning and applying foundational communication, self-awareness, and relationship skills.
Concepts are important. Application is everything. Communication excellence is a function of commitment. People fail all the time because they simply don't want success enough to do the work.
Consistency, communication, and commitment. Deliver those three and you will reach your goals.

Why do you ask questions? If you want a simple answer, ask a closed question. If you're interested in something more, ask an open question. Closed questions can reveal the truth, limit how much truth is revealed, or back someone into a corner by removing the opportunity to explain an otherwise short answer. Rhetorical questions are used to encourage someone to think, to connect the dots, to look for answers internally. Some are best asked in person. Putting it in a text could open a can of worms.
Why do you ask questions?Don't ask a question until you know why you're asking. Different goals require different questions. Using questions improperly or irresponsibly may damage your credibility and relationships. Instead of building trust, it erodes. Irritation and frustration are useless emotions that suck up your time and energy. That also inspires behaviors you may later regret. Objectivity is a bear. Most people aren't completely objective about anything. Mix in ego, self-esteem, or the desire for fairness and objectivity becomes impossible.

Q#1: The Invitation. Wrapping a command in sweetness doesn't make it palatable or make you popular. Doing so implies deceit and untrustworthiness. It's a quick way to lose respect and goodwill. Failure to communicate can make an innocent invitation seem like a command. The danger is greatest when someone with greater perceived status extends an invitation to someone with less. Examples include a boss and employee. Confusing invitations and requests are common.
Q#2: The Request for Information. It's the best way to gauge present ability, circumstance, and the state of the relationship. If you tell someone you don't care, you better not care. Be equally delighted regardless of what shows up on your plate. If you ask someone to pick what's for dinner, their selection should be equally delightful to you. Anything else is bad form and damages the relationship. Manipulation is a form of lying because it suggests something other than what is intended.
The most difficult part of using questions well is objective self-awareness. What is my goal? Do I want information, or do I want my way? If you don't know what you want, the odds of getting it are slim to none. How do you know if you get what you want if you don't know what it is? Do you always know your motivation behind questions or statements? Do you seek information or power? Taking responsibility for your side of communication yields surprising benefits. Others see you more favorably and you'll learn a lot about yourself. Saying what you mean and correctly asking for information earns respect and produces far more yes answers than nos. What you see/ say is what there is: no subterfuge, no gamesmanship, but completely transparent. Success that matters is the result of being other-directed.
Q#3: The Request Expecting a Yes. The lack of fear rests on the lie that they have ultimate power and are immune from correction. They believe that no power can make them do what they don't want to do. Do not make a request unless you're 95 percent sure you'll get a yes. Have Plan B ready to cover an unexpected no. Transitioning from Plan A to Plan B should be seamless. Knowing when to ask a question or make a request is a high-order skill. It takes practice. Once you know, then you must decide which question to ask and what to request. The next challenge is discerning whether the person or horse gave you the right answer or response. The desire for simple clear direction is exactly what people and horses expect from you. It's what they hope for.
Q#4: The Command. Issuing a command indicates earlier leadership failure. Your authority is challenged and you decide to respond with a directive. The habit of obedience based on respect and reality is nurtured and strengthened over years. Don't start a fight you can't win. Go back and ask better questions. Successful people have another secret. They wake up every day dedicated to maintaining the respect they've already won. And they'll do it again tomorrow.

Failure is always due to (1) inability or (2) unwillingness. When you can't determine if someone is unable or unwilling, offer grace. "That's fine", you say, "but what's the next practical step?". When you don't know whether the problem is one of unwillingness or inability, a second rule applies: fix the problem.
Enforcement, or punishment, will never fix inability, and no amount of education will ever fix unwillingness.
The greatest problem with communication is we don't listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don't listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what's behind the words.

[Ezequiel Moriyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply and amazing

Excelente, entendible y practico para aplicarlo.
Ejemplos simples que ayudan a trasladarlo a ejemplos que nos pasan a nosotros en nuestro día a día.
Sea cual sea el rol que desempeñes en cualquier area de tu vida, este libro va a servir para empoderar tus resultados.

[Ed Barton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Questions From A Christian Perspective

Getting to yes starts with asking the right questions and looking for the right answers. The Art of Getting to YES gives a Christian frame to a questioning and seeking approach. A quick and easy read.

[Noah Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

It went very in depth about the psychology of questions, although it was somewhat short and left a few points hanging.

[Alejandro Posadas · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shallow

Uses a catchy title that does not reflect the content of the book. At least is a short read. It is not directly related to negotiation.