Aging Disgracefully

by Danny Cahill

Does it count as a midlife crisis if you screw up your life and you happen to be entering middle age, or did you screw up your life because you are entering middle age? And does it matter if you take the kind of life most people envy—wealth and success and recognition—and blow it up, hurting everyone you love along the way? Who does that?! Danny Cahill had made it, by any He was a recruiting industry icon with a brilliant, lucrative career, hugely in demand as a motivational speaker, and a noted playwright and writer. But once a serious gym injury began to unravel his childhood deprivations, his mother’s shame-based modus operandi, and the choices he made in search of love, he realized he had thrown it all away in spectacular fashion. In Aging Disgracefully, Cahill takes on the emotionally tricky territory of memoir and charges into deep water to tell a frequently humorous and wonderfully dark tale that spares no one in his life, least of all himself. Painfully authentic and unapologetic, Cahill’s account reveals that no matter how the world rewards you for being at the top of your game, an unresolved past can follow you, shape your choices, and lead to comic and tragic results when lines are crossed. Cahill’s story is ultimately about climbing out of messes, saving ourselves from ourselves, finding exactly what we’ve been looking for, and realizing that it was there all along.

Genres: Nonfiction

358 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 2, 2017

About the author

Danny Cahill started his career at the headhunting firm Hobson Associates straight out of college. He was its rookie of the year and subsequently its youngest top producer and its youngest manager. At twenty-seven, he bought the company and built it into one of the country’s largest privately held search firms. His success led to a speaking career that culminated when he was awarded the recruiting industry’s first (Knutson) “Lifetime Achievement Award.”

In his other life as a playwright, his works have been produced off-Broadway and he has won the Maxwell Anderson, Emerging Playwright, and CAB theatre awards. His first book, Harper’s Rules, won an Axiom award.

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the CEO of his own company, Hobson Associates, Danny Cahill was a highly regarded business recruting expert and popular motivational speaker. This brought him tremendous wealth and prestige. On his 50th birthday, he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance following a work-out injury at the gym. Barely able to walk, it was a rude awakening to realize 50 wasn’t the new 40. Cahill had lost his mother, wife, home, and cats in a short time. “Aging Disgracefully” is an incredible memoir of Cahill’s spectacular business success and the disappointments and shambles of his personal life that prompted him to regroup and courageously reinvent himself.

When Cahill met his future wife Sidney, she was married to another man. Mariah, his “soulful and sweet” girlfriend warned him that with Sidney history would be repeated someday, she was right. For years business was solid, Cahill eventually developed a website, spent hours at the office and away from home on speaking engagements throughout the country. Business was good, he was mentoring a bright 22 year old, Kelsey a “moneymaker” for the company. By this time, Sidney had left their business, became an adjunct professor, and at nearly 40, wanted children. Cahill had no need to be a Dad, some of his staff were “childlike”—he and Sidney had cats that were also like children.

Perhaps it was the lack of success with IVF treatments, unable to conceive Sidney seemed deeply unhappy and began to drink and stay out until the bars closed. Cahill developed a close working relationship with Kelsey, and it likely didn’t help (concerning Sidney) when her daughter was born. To ease what Cahill called “The Drift” of their unhappy marriage, the Cahill’s sought marriage counseling with Russ, an excellent therapist that really seemed to help. Cahill generously shared many intimate details behind the scenes of his private life, counseling sessions, the new insight he gained, and the shocking and scandalous way his life unfolded around the breakdown of his marriage. This is among the best books I’ve read this year! ~ With thanks and appreciation to Greenleaf Book Group Press via NetGalley for the direct e-copy for the purpose of review.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the book cover. There’s something about the red color and the white and the font that really is appealing. I have to be honest, I am not really a non-fiction/memoir type of person. I enjoy mysteries and crime novels for the most part, and I am a 30 year old female, so I was pleasantly surprised that this book fell into my lap.

Cahill has an amazing way with words. It is one thing to be able to speak to 100s of people and another thing to be able to write it out. I was hooked instantly. I was worried in the first couple of chapters that the book was going to be unfair to these women? Does that make sense? But oh my goodness. I have never read or heard anyone describe so perfectly and honestly love. Cahill encapsulated how it feels to love someone, just the way he described Sydney and how beautiful and wonderful she was to you, it made my heart swell. And Kelsey too. She is a flawed human, but he saw the good in her and it was just so amazing how he used your words to describe these two women. He never put them down, no matter what was going on, and it was so refreshing. Both these women did some things that would make other men use not so nice language, and he never took it to that level. Danny Cahill described his hurt and pain and even rage in way that just spoke volumes about his character.

I especially enjoyed the stories about his parents. I feel like a lot of how he is comes from them, but I loved the lessons Cahill learned from them at the end. I actually would enjoy reading a book more about his childhood and his interactions with your siblings. There were some quick bits, but I would like to know more.

This book made me laugh, and it made me mad. I was genuinely angry with Cahill for not calling anyone when you were hurt. It shows that money is not everything, because you could afford the best care in the world, but you couldn’t accept that fact that you were powerless. This book made me sad, and it made me think. Why are we attracted to these type of people? Why do we stay when we know it’s destructive? I love the back and forth, I always enjoy being kept on my toes, and it was seamless. Sometimes you read a book and they are going from this memory to the present, to the past, to the future and you are like WHAT?? WHERE ARE WE?

I read the book in 4 days, and I was excited to get back to it every time I had to put it down. I don’t think Cahill is aging disgracefully, I understand why the book is titled that, and I think it’s a great title. I think he is a human, and sometimes being him, it might be hard to remember that we as humans are flawed.

This is a book that is going to stay with me for a while, because it taught me some things about myself as well. I saw myself a little in both Sydney and Kelsey and even the author. No one has ever paid me to speak for an audience. But, I do see myself as someone who does not always easily let people know when something is genuinely wrong, and reading your book made me realize that sometimes I need to say, “I need help”.

I would encourage other women to pick it up even if it doesn’t automatically speak to them, because it really, really spoke to me, even as a woman, but also as a human.

[Rita Mauro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Flannels, coffee, “Aging Disgracefully”, the perfect combination for a day set aside to dive into a good book. Hours later, it took every ounce of energy to break away and come up for air and pour that second cup of coffee and quickly return to where I had left off. I literally could not put “Aging Disgracefully” down, this book is brilliant. This is Cahill’s best ever!! Danny’s passion for words, his gift and vivid ability to give the reader the visual without the visual, creates the intense emotion and desire to keep reading. I laughed hard, I cried irrepressibly, I connected and I realized that each of us has a world full of dreams, longings, insecurities, grace and disgrace and we only partly reveal it to ourselves and maybe to those we love and that we know love us unconditionally. Danny Cahill has the courage to unpack his journey, the raw truth as he lived it with grace, sensitivity, kindheartedness, empathy and love for each of the relationships and a past that brought him to where he is today, in a world where judgement is paramount. He shares his authentic self and teaches us that “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” This is Danny’s “Ithaka”, his personal affirmation, his portrait of his real life journey. Real isn’t how we are born, it is what happens to us and as Danny explains, “finding exactly what we’ve been looking for, and realizing it was there all along.” Thank you Danny Cahill for this exquisite memoir, your honesty and your passion. "Aging Disgracefully"is a GREAT read that each of us can relate to as we take this wild trip of life that we do not come prepared for. We learn through Danny's struggles that we do not need to fear as these lessons profoundly make us wiser, better and it is never to late to be truthful with ourselves.

[Nelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

From the description blurb, "Cahill’s story is ultimately about climbing out of messes, saving ourselves from ourselves, finding exactly what we’ve been looking for, and realizing that it was there all along."

Um, no it's not. You can write as many platitudes as you want, but this memoir is about none of those things. I'm sure Danny Cahill found the writing of his super long story to be cathartic. I even think many readers will find meaning in it. I don't understand what he's trying to tell me or why he felt he needed to state something publicly at all. Not that what he has to say isn't interesting. I had a lot of fun psychoanalyzing this deeply deeply insecure and unhappy man whose self-worth stems almost entirely from choosing people he deems as "less than" and then trying to "save" them. On the one hand, he praises their certain attributes, but on the other hand he's mercilessly critical and vicious. The way we judge others is often a lower-scale measure of the way we judge ourselves, so I know he must live day to day in horrible fear of not measuring up. As much as he shoved into this book trying to prove that he's all sorts of things (smart, kind, loving, attractive, youthful, better than most, super fertile, virile, resilient...), I felt like he was trying to justify his every bad move with a "yeah, but..." So I'm at a loss what my takeaway here was meant to be. Danny Cahill, a deeply insecure yet successful man decided to write a book about himself. That's about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Fran Soto · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received my copy as a Goodreads giveaway.
Aging Disgracefully by Danny Cahill was received direct from the authors publisher. The author, whom I am five days older than (for what that is worth to you, the casual reader), wrote this memoir about his free fall to madness (his words, not mine). The author relates he is/was a motivational speaker (among other things), so as I read the sometimes funny, sometimes insightful stories, I imagined him on stage with a wireless microphone headset, talking to an audience in a overly excited manner. The author is a good writer than some and if you enjoy stories about life in general, this may be a good book for you to read. I never got bored with this book and I don't think you will either.

[Jenn · Rating 1 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book.

Oh my god. This book was not for me. After reading this book all I can say is, "And this is the person you're looking to, to help you get better?" He's an adulterer, he's used steroids for personal gain (to get bigger from his workouts, not caring what it does to his body), and is just an all-around dis-likable, arrogant person to me. And he ends the book on the fact that he's going to be a "Big Brother" to a teenager. I wouldn't want him near my kids. Pass on this book.

[Wendi Manning · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a real memoir. I've read a lot of memoirs that only show the bad things to get to the good. This book doesn't do that. It takes in everything as a whole and I loved it for that!
I've never read anything else by this author, but this book is a great introduction. He writes in a way that just makes the pages fly by and so easily that sometimes I forgot I was reading nonfiction.
This was a very open, honest book that even though it is a memoir, I'm hesitant to give details about because I went in knowing nothing about Danny and his life and I really think the book worked better for me that way. I'm not normally this vague, but there's more than enough reviews out there for you if you don't want to go in blind.
All I'll say is READ THIS BOOK! You won't be disappointed!

[Brianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I’m at a loss of words. Cahill’s memoir is probably one of the best that I’ve read this year. How he describes his love, guilt and fear brought me right into the pages of his story and I just couldn’t put it down. I read his book in the span of one day.
Cahill goes into his childhood and begins to explain his painful experiences of falling in and out of love. It’ll make you laugh and cry all the way to the very end. Without giving to much away I’m going to end it there, but I highly recommend Cahill’s “Aging Disgracefully” and it receives five stars from me!

[Gina Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book as a Goodreads giveaway. Thank you Goodreads, Greeenleaf Book Group Press, and author Danny Cahill. This was an enjoyable book to read on so many levels. It was funny at times, and I found myself laughing out loud. It was sad at times, and I was tearing up (especially the part with his mom in the hospital). At all times, it felt very raw and real. I felt Danny really showed his true self. I was rooting for him, Sydney, and Kelsey all the way through. The end was satisfying, too!

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, a well-written book. I thought the timeline could've been made clearer at certain points, where I would find myself wondering, is this scene pre-accident or post-accident? But it held my interest and I thought the "characters"/people were described as complex figures and not just stereotypes. I thought the parts about his family (parents and siblings) were fascinating and insightful.

The issues I had with the memoir:
- None of the people in this book are people to be admired. They are the embodiments of fault and flaw, and worse yet, no one seemed to have changed or grown from beginning to end. It's hard to root for people who don't seem to care much about themselves or others.
- I felt a lack of focus or lesson in Danny's experiences. And maybe that's ok with him; maybe he wrote this memoir simply to get all these stories off his chest and share them with the world. But it fell a little flat for me without much deeper thought or analysis on his part.

Thanks to Goodreads for the free copy of this book! It was an interesting read - glad to have read it, but not sure I'd go out of my way to recommend it to others.

[Linda Epach · Rating 3 out of 5]

Danny Cahill's memoir "Aging Disgracefully" is an easy to read account of his life as an executive of his own recruiting company and motivational speaker. He has a lot of humor written into his stories, so I imagine that he is an entertaining speaker. He hits 50 having a failed marriage, a successful business that has become his life as another relationship is failing. Looking for a slightly motivational memoir from a man's POV that is easily read and funny, this could be the book for you.

[Sharon Heck · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book as a Goodreads Giveaway. It was an interesting read to help me understand what middle aged men are thinking. It also gave me perspective on why people stay in troubled marriages and relationships. The storytelling was captivating even if I didn't relate to any of the story lines. I would recommend it to anyone wanting a view of midlife decisions.

[Kathy Heare Watts]

I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. So that others may also enjoy this book, I am paying it forward by donating it to my local library.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a good memoir and this did not disappoint. The author writes very well and the stories just flow. Really good book. I was given the arc for an honest review by Netgalley

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating reading about tremendously troubled people, but ...

[Tanya Perri · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a student of Danny Cahill's almost 20 years ago, all I have to say is, "WOW?".

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Prior to picking up this book, I had never heard of the author. As it takes a confident and assertive individual to be successful in his field, it shouldn't be surprising that these qualities are overabundant in the memoir. Most chapters begin with the author quoting himself. While the title has a negative lean to it and the book does discuss many less that perfect decisions the author has made, overall the novel seems to be another attempt for accolades.

I found the writing style mostly palatable and an easy read from the beginning, which certainly helped me progress through. I try to give all the books I read a fair shot, but this is likely one I'd have given up on had it not been provided for my reviewing pleasure. I just couldn't get interested in where the story was going.

I received a copy of this book as a Goodreads Giveaway. Thanks to the publisher and author for participating.

[Becki Ledford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir reads like fiction and I haven't decided yet if that's an insult or a compliment. Throughout the reading I kept wavering on my prediction about its star-worthiness, but in the last couple of evenings of before-bed reading, I wanted to know how things turned out "for the characters" -- then I remembered again that it's a memoir. Super interesting and unlike anything I've read before. For me, that's ultimately worth five stars, even if it makes me sad to realize all of these terribly broken people exist in real life.

[Camille U. · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an excellent read. It's not just a story about a businessman, a recruiter, a self-made man who found and lost love, found it again, then lost it, then... It's a story about human emotion. Everyone who reads this will be able to relate. I read it over a weekend. I was literally ignoring phone calls and texts- and get this, my favorite reality tv show! That says it all. Read this book NOW.

[James]

If you have ever seen Danny talk at a conference, you already know his gift for telling memorable stories that weave between pain and pleasure, darkness and light, tragedy and humor. He is always on point.

The idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover” has never shined brighter to this writer. I honestly thought I had him figured out. I could not have been more wrong.

The good news is that you do not even need to know him to get value out of this memoir. It is an emotional unveiling that grips you from cover to cover. Danny is completely naked.

One minute you are free-falling into a chasm of critical anguish, the next, you are laughing out loud. As a writer, Danny has this gift of keeping you on an interesting fulcrum point until he unleashes you into his creativity. Get ready to feel the full spectrum of human emotions.

This memoir, above all, is a story of courage. Danny shares a few words his father passed on to him that is both poignant and soothing: "Blame No One. Expect Nothing. Do Something."

Life is short people.