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432 pages, Hardcover
First published March 20, 2018
I was like a bird who stashed every feather it molted. I’d nested in old selves for too long, afraid I’d need them again.Andrea Morales came to Portland, Oregon, to attend Reed College. Unlike the environment in her Nebraska home town, Portland offered a world in which it was entirely ok to be gay and out. In fact, she soon found herself part of a thriving lesbian sub-culture. But when Mom and Dad, heavily Catholic, learned that she had a girlfriend, parental funding for Reed was axed, and Andrea was urged to return home and pray away the gay. Didn’t happen. Check, please.

For the first time I understood why queer people changed their names. It was about more than trying to be different or weird, though maybe it was a little bit that, to go by Tiger or Ace or Ponyboy or Dirtbag or whatever, my future girlfriend Flynn adding the F to her name. The name they gave you belongs to someone else, their invention of you; if you turn out not to be that person, you have to name yourself. But I stayed Andrea—I couldn’t let go entirely of the person I’d always been. The tyranny of family love is that you can’t help but love people who think God can’t stand the sight of you.One of the people with whom she is most comfortable is Ryan, the drummer for a local band, Cold Shoulder. They hang out, play Scrabble. He sends her charming retro postcards from wherever, when he is on tour with the band. They can talk about a wide range of subjects. There is real affection between them. There has even been a…gasp…kiss. He is clearly interested in continuing down that path, while she is reluctant. But she misses him when he is away. He is charming and interested and the no-strings element is appealing, as she is not interested in having a real relationship with a man. Friendship leads to something more, making for confusion and social awkwardness. She feels it necessary to keep their relationship from her gay friends. But, as will happen, even with protection, Andrea becomes pregnant, and her secret is out. Oopsy.
It seemed in our urgency to redefine ourselves against the norm, we’d formed a church of our own, as doctrinaire as any, and we too abhorred a heretic.Johnson includes in her book chapters of occasional lists. For example Rules of the Lesbian Mafia, The Lesbian Mafia Official Shitlist, Immigration Question Test, and others. I thought these a mixed lot, sometimes fun, but inconsistent. Not that it needed breaking up, but a series of back and forths between two characters in brief paper notes, messages on answering machines, postcards, e-mails and unsent letters, does alter the rhythm of the story, in an ok way, while providing important elements of character development.
come to my blog!"Tell me about girls."
I was in a T-shirt and underwear, knees straddling his sides.
"What do you mean?" I said, unbuttoning his jeans. "You've been with girls."
"What is it you like about them?"
I studied his eyes. "No," I said. I leaned forward and kissed his lips: a quick, firm, closed-mouthed kiss.
"What's it like?" he persisted.
I said, "It's not like in porn. And it's not like this. And it's not for you to know."
I kissed him again, purposefully, planting a seal, and he wisely let it go.
—p.121
Fine was the loneliest place a person could be.
—p.87
Even with the economy's recent yearlong plummet, none of them could afford to live anymore in the neighborhoods where they'd come of age.Johnson's novel ably captures the changing face of Portland. And what I originally thought were false notes turned out to be my own mistakes—yes, Buckman is the arts school Johnson meant (Da Vinci, the one I was thinking, is the middle school that feeds into Buckman High), and you probably do need a bear hang when camping in certain parts of the Mount Hood National Forest.
{...}
They couldn't even afford to live in Meena's Belmont duplex, which she was able to rent out for three times the late-1990s mortgage she was paying, partially funding her new life in L.A. Hatchbacks and hoopties gave way to strollers and Outbacks. One corner of the Pearl warehouse where they'd mounted their queer art show now housed a coffee shop with a $10,000 espresso machine, and the rest contained a store that sold hand-tanned leather couches that cost five figures and decor gathered—no, "curated"—from around the globe{...}
—p.356-357
The guy was rootless without the ache, unlike everyone else I knew. He was hydroponic. He got everything he needed from the air, it seemed.The word for that kind of plant is actually an epiphyte—but still we know exactly what Andrea means.
—p.110
All photos were gerunds.
—p.362
I knew I shouldn't say yes. But knowing better, alas, has never stopped me from wanting. I said, "More, please."
—p.43