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Taming Toxic People: The Science of Identifying and Dealing with Psychopaths at Work & at Home
"I didn't know how to deal with the poisonous and toxic people in my life or why they behaved the way they did, so I went looking for an answer. This book is what I found."
Bestselling author David Gillespie turns his attention to a phenomenon that damages businesses, seeds mental disease and discomfort and can bring civilisations to the brink of implosion- the psychopath.
Psychopaths are often thought of as killers and criminals, but actually five to ten per cent of people are probably psychopathic without ever indulging in a single criminal act. These everyday psychopaths may be charming in the early stages of relationships or employment but, Gillespie argues, their presence in your life is at best disruptive, and at worst highly dangerous: they will leave you feeling cheated and humiliated, dominating and manipulating you to the point where you question your sanity. Worse, he caution, at a societal level their tendency to gravitate towards positions of power can be disastrous.
Taming Toxic People is a practical guide to restraining that difficult person in your life, be it your boss, your spouse or a parent. But it is also a serious and meticulously researched warning: if we value a free and well-functioning society, we need to rebuild the sense of community that has historically kept the everyday psychopath in check, and we must understand and act to manage the psychopathic behaviour in our midst.
Bestselling author David Gillespie turns his attention to a phenomenon that damages businesses, seeds mental disease and discomfort and can bring civilisations to the brink of implosion- the psychopath.
Psychopaths are often thought of as killers and criminals, but actually five to ten per cent of people are probably psychopathic without ever indulging in a single criminal act. These everyday psychopaths may be charming in the early stages of relationships or employment but, Gillespie argues, their presence in your life is at best disruptive, and at worst highly dangerous: they will leave you feeling cheated and humiliated, dominating and manipulating you to the point where you question your sanity. Worse, he caution, at a societal level their tendency to gravitate towards positions of power can be disastrous.
Taming Toxic People is a practical guide to restraining that difficult person in your life, be it your boss, your spouse or a parent. But it is also a serious and meticulously researched warning: if we value a free and well-functioning society, we need to rebuild the sense of community that has historically kept the everyday psychopath in check, and we must understand and act to manage the psychopathic behaviour in our midst.
288 pages, Paperback
First published July 25, 2017
149 people are currently reading
1162 people want to read
About the author
David Gillespie
46 books98 followersDavid Gillespie is a recovering corporate lawyer, former co-founder of a successful software company and investor in several software startups.
He is also the father of six young children (including one set of twins). With such a lot of extra time on his hands, and 40 extra kilos on his waistline, he set out to investigate why he, like so many in his generation, was fat.
He deciphered the latest medical findings on diet and weight gain and what he found was chilling. Being fat was the least of his problems. He needed to stop poisoning himself.
His first book, Sweet Poison, published in 2008 is widely credited with starting the current Australian wave of anti-sugar sentiment.
He is also the father of six young children (including one set of twins). With such a lot of extra time on his hands, and 40 extra kilos on his waistline, he set out to investigate why he, like so many in his generation, was fat.
He deciphered the latest medical findings on diet and weight gain and what he found was chilling. Being fat was the least of his problems. He needed to stop poisoning himself.
His first book, Sweet Poison, published in 2008 is widely credited with starting the current Australian wave of anti-sugar sentiment.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 82 reviews
October 25, 2017
4.5 ★s
Taming Toxic People is a book by former corporate lawyer, technology adviser and best-selling Australian author, David Gillespie. Subtitled “The science of identifying & dealing with psychopaths at work & at home”, this book delivers exactly what it promises. When David Gillespie talks about psychopaths, he’s not (usually) talking about the people that might kill us (“us” being the ones with empathy); rather, he’s referring to the people that can, so easily, make our work, our home, our neighbourhood, in short, our lives, a misery.
It may surprise readers when Gillespie notes that Mother Teresa has been described as a psychopath, although this is certainly borne out by Colette Livermore's revealing memoir of her time with the Order of the Missionaries of Charity, Hope Endures. But few will be surprised that Donald Trump, Caligula, Lance Armstrong, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin and Henry VIII also come under this banner.
Gillespie lists the key characteristics of the psychopath and describes their primary behaviours, with examples. From these, readers will easily recognise those people in their lives that are psychopaths. And if they don’t, if they’ve never met a psychopath, they can a) count themselves very lucky and b) know how to survive it when they do.
Gillespie includes handy checklists to help: identify psychopaths; survive the psychopath at work and at home; what to record; leave a psychopath; manage a psychopathic parent or child; and survive the psychopathic neighbour. The depth of Gillespie’s research is apparent from the extensive notes for each chapter, but this wealth of information is presented in easily digestible form. Essential reading for any human being.
Taming Toxic People is a book by former corporate lawyer, technology adviser and best-selling Australian author, David Gillespie. Subtitled “The science of identifying & dealing with psychopaths at work & at home”, this book delivers exactly what it promises. When David Gillespie talks about psychopaths, he’s not (usually) talking about the people that might kill us (“us” being the ones with empathy); rather, he’s referring to the people that can, so easily, make our work, our home, our neighbourhood, in short, our lives, a misery.
It may surprise readers when Gillespie notes that Mother Teresa has been described as a psychopath, although this is certainly borne out by Colette Livermore's revealing memoir of her time with the Order of the Missionaries of Charity, Hope Endures. But few will be surprised that Donald Trump, Caligula, Lance Armstrong, Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin and Henry VIII also come under this banner.
Gillespie lists the key characteristics of the psychopath and describes their primary behaviours, with examples. From these, readers will easily recognise those people in their lives that are psychopaths. And if they don’t, if they’ve never met a psychopath, they can a) count themselves very lucky and b) know how to survive it when they do.
Gillespie includes handy checklists to help: identify psychopaths; survive the psychopath at work and at home; what to record; leave a psychopath; manage a psychopathic parent or child; and survive the psychopathic neighbour. The depth of Gillespie’s research is apparent from the extensive notes for each chapter, but this wealth of information is presented in easily digestible form. Essential reading for any human being.
August 1, 2017
Well, here you have it, the handbook for working and living in the 21st century.
David Gillespie methodically outlines the characteristics of a psychopath (sociopath, malignant narcissist), how to identify one and how to minimize the damage they can cause you, your business, your family.
What is great about this book is that Gillespie is not saying psychopaths are "bad", "evil", they don't know the meanings of those words. They simply cannot feel empathy. Not by choice. They just aren't wired for it.
We are all born "psychopaths" until the spindle neurons in the amygdalae (a recent evolutionary development to help us live in social groups) develop when we are 2-4 years old. They do not develop in some people and these people are unable to experience the feelings of others-empathy. These people are psychopaths and create havoc and disruption wherever they are, using others for their own purposes and lying with impunity. Some of these people become serial killers or violent criminals, some become very successful CEOs, and some become the President of the United States.
There is plenty in this book, detailed and concise information that is very accessible.
Wonderfully, Gillespie also offers ways of not only identifying the psychopath near you but also provides strategies for minimizing the damage they produce. How to make sure you don't hire one or get into a relationship with one. Importantly, how not to make yourself a target, or "lunch" as he says it.
Unfortunately, the very individualist capitalist society that we inhabit, along with the loss of privacy that social media allows, encourage and empower the psychopath. Gillespie lists the countries and professions where psychopaths thrive, and boy, our increasingly morally ambivalent culture is creating a proliferation of psychopaths.
I grew up with a psychopath, I have worked for psychopaths, this book rings true.
What can we, the empaths do? Do not lie and do not tolerate lies. Psychopaths depend on and thrive on mendacity, deception, and a morally bankrupt environment. If we do not tolerate a murky ethical context, the psychopath can't hide. It means staying awake to a lack of empathy. Gillespie tells us what to look for. Great advice.
Recommended read.
David Gillespie methodically outlines the characteristics of a psychopath (sociopath, malignant narcissist), how to identify one and how to minimize the damage they can cause you, your business, your family.
What is great about this book is that Gillespie is not saying psychopaths are "bad", "evil", they don't know the meanings of those words. They simply cannot feel empathy. Not by choice. They just aren't wired for it.
We are all born "psychopaths" until the spindle neurons in the amygdalae (a recent evolutionary development to help us live in social groups) develop when we are 2-4 years old. They do not develop in some people and these people are unable to experience the feelings of others-empathy. These people are psychopaths and create havoc and disruption wherever they are, using others for their own purposes and lying with impunity. Some of these people become serial killers or violent criminals, some become very successful CEOs, and some become the President of the United States.
There is plenty in this book, detailed and concise information that is very accessible.
Wonderfully, Gillespie also offers ways of not only identifying the psychopath near you but also provides strategies for minimizing the damage they produce. How to make sure you don't hire one or get into a relationship with one. Importantly, how not to make yourself a target, or "lunch" as he says it.
Unfortunately, the very individualist capitalist society that we inhabit, along with the loss of privacy that social media allows, encourage and empower the psychopath. Gillespie lists the countries and professions where psychopaths thrive, and boy, our increasingly morally ambivalent culture is creating a proliferation of psychopaths.
I grew up with a psychopath, I have worked for psychopaths, this book rings true.
What can we, the empaths do? Do not lie and do not tolerate lies. Psychopaths depend on and thrive on mendacity, deception, and a morally bankrupt environment. If we do not tolerate a murky ethical context, the psychopath can't hide. It means staying awake to a lack of empathy. Gillespie tells us what to look for. Great advice.
Recommended read.
September 13, 2018
If you want to understand the nature of psychopaths in a more nuanced and considered way, read Jon Ronson’s “The Psychopath Test”. David Gillespie draws some long bows in this book. He fails to find a definition of psychopaths to his satisfaction, so makes up his own (a person incapable of empathy). He suggests a biological cause for psychopathy (higher spindle density and a small amygdala) and at the basis of psychopathy. He also posits that you can be a little bit psychopathic, the way you are a little bit pregnant. I found this simplistic, and challenged my understanding of psychopaths as a Forensic Mental Health Professional. He later contradicts this premise in chapter 4 with the concepts of a “moderate psychopath”, someone who lacks empathy but does not perform acts of violence on others. As Gillespie acknowledges, we cannot even agree what a psychopath is. It is hard to understand a phenomenon when you cannot even agree on a description of what you are talking about. Given this I found Gillespie was way to certain in his formulation around the subject. The thing I am most certain of is that he gets it wrong.
The book is not entirely without merit. Chapter 6 is useful, just in the steps an organisation can take to improve ethics and culture within itself (and thus protect itself from “psychopaths’). This chapter provides good and concrete advice on what to do should you find yourself in a toxic work environment (makes plans to leave!). This is useful. He then bemoans how our rich, individualistic, consumerist, capitalist society is the perfect environment for psychopaths, and juxtaposing this with how rare psychopaths are in poor, collective societies. It made me wonder if people would swap places if given the opportunity? (I doubt it, we will keep all our stuff and the psychopaths if that is the choice). Gillespie makes some good points, but the bad ones are unforgivable.
The book is not entirely without merit. Chapter 6 is useful, just in the steps an organisation can take to improve ethics and culture within itself (and thus protect itself from “psychopaths’). This chapter provides good and concrete advice on what to do should you find yourself in a toxic work environment (makes plans to leave!). This is useful. He then bemoans how our rich, individualistic, consumerist, capitalist society is the perfect environment for psychopaths, and juxtaposing this with how rare psychopaths are in poor, collective societies. It made me wonder if people would swap places if given the opportunity? (I doubt it, we will keep all our stuff and the psychopaths if that is the choice). Gillespie makes some good points, but the bad ones are unforgivable.
August 1, 2017
Gillespie successfully aids the reader in identifying psychopathic tendencies in those around them. Some good practical advice is given in how to diminish any damage done to you by those suffering from this personality trait. The most important message being that YOU cannot change them. Back away slowly...no sudden movements.
November 29, 2017
Just do yourself a favour and read this book. Enough said.
Well ok, 'why?' you ask? It's yet another David Gillespie must read. Check out the other books https://www.goodreads.com/author/show... (GR full of bugs as it is can't find the proper author in the 'Insert book/author' feature).
Together we can all cut these parasites off at the knees and reduce their power and harm over us and society. Show no weakness, no mercy, no emotion with these ghouls. Interestingly enough in Inuit cultures these cretins are killed. Good riddance I say. I'm not cold, just serious and logical, the world will be a much better place without these oxygen-thieves.
Lacks an index, but that's OK, it compensates by listing (in the back) the info boxes, case studies, tests & tips, and figures. Has plenty of end notes to find the sources.
Placemark:
Lateline transcript: (I'd hide this using the spoiler thingy, but meh, WTF I'm sick of clicking 3 times just to read the full comments on this shitty site ;-p so there you go)
EMMA ALBERICI, PRESENTER: David Gillespie, welcome to Lateline.
DAVID GILLESPIE, AUTHOR, 'TAMING TOXIC PEOPLE': Good to be here, Emma.
EMMA ALBERICI: You're not a doctor or a psychologist, you're not even an academic in this field. So what makes you an expert on psychopaths?
DAVID GILLESPIE: I guess the same thing that makes me an expert on sugar or schools and the other things that I've written about which is I require evidence for everything that I look in to and I search until I have the evidence and until I understand it, until I can piece it together and that's what I've done with this as well.
It's an area that I'm interested in so I went looking for the evidence.
EMMA ALBERICI: So tell us the tell-tale signs of a psychopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: I guess, there's a few but the ones that immediately stand out are there's usually a dichotomy between how they appeared when you first met them and how they subsequently appear.
When you first meet them they are incredibly charming. They tell you everything you want to hear, they seem like the most genial and wonderful people you've ever met in your life.
Very shortly thereafter they are completely different. People describe it as a Jekyll and Hyde nature where they are fine when they're ingratiating themselves with you and then suddenly they are just plain nasty or dismissive towards you.
EMMA ALBERICI: One of the examples early in your book which stunned me was Mothers Teresa.
DAVID GILLESPIE: Yeah, well, I should say about all the examples in the book is as you said, I'm not in a position to diagnose people.
I'm relying on the fact that other people have said those sorts of things about the people in the book and one of the example which really surprised me when I came across it was Mother Teresa in that all we are generally told is the public face of this - the goodliness, the godliness, the caring, the compassion and all of that sort of thing.
But there's a lot of evidence out there, quite well substantiated evidence that says a lot of that may simply have been a facade and that her true nature may have been closer to a psychopathic nature than one which is the normal public projection.
EMMA ALBERICI: In terms of what?
DAVID GILLESPIE: So for example, the hospitals that she ran for the poor in India were often in a dreadful state and people were allowed to suffer rather than providing relatively easy and cheap cures which is odd given the amount of money that she raised for exactly that purpose and when directly asked about this during public interviews she would say that suffering is part of God's plan.
So it was almost like...
EMMA ALBERICI: But she didn't suffer in the end?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No, not at all. So when it came to her health, when it came to, she had heart attack and when she needed medical treatment, she went to the best hospitals in the world.
EMMA ALBERICI: Is your definition of psychopathy in the book that which might be fined in the DSM-5, the manual that helps doctors recognise mental illness?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No. You won't find any definition of psychopathy in the DSM-5.
It's not a recognised mental condition at all which is strange given that it is used quite a bit in courts, but it isn't in the psychiatric manual.
The closest you come to it is anti-social personality disorder and many of the people studying psychopathy say 'yeah, okay, that's kind of the same in that it has a distinct lack of empathy, there's the brutality, there's the callousness, there's the vengefulness, the lack of fear'. All of those characteristics are all there but it's a very wide definition and people studying psychopathy say if you just used that definition, you'd classify vast numbers of people who really weren't psychopathic.
EMMA ALBERICI: So where does the test come from?
DAVID GILLESPIE: The test really comes from criminal psychologists who have been working in the prison systems and have identified that there is a class of prisoner who is a constant re-offender, who has absolutely no care for humanity at all and who will manipulate their way out of prison very, very quickly and be back.
There's a classic line in one of the studies that says that a psychopath will be back and forth to prison three times in the same period of time that someone who isn't a psychopath, convicted of the same crimes, will be.
EMMA ALBERICI: But not all psychopaths are criminals?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No. In fact, probably a minority are criminals.
Criminal psychopaths are simply I guess, what you'd call low-functioning psychopaths. The ones without the resources to achieve power, money, fame - the things that drive psychopaths other than by killing or harming others directly.
The more a high-functioning psychopath achieve all of those things without ever committing an overt criminal act.
EMMA ALBERICI: What's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: None whatsoever. A sociopath is a nice way to call someone a psychopath.
There's a lot of terms like this. There's bully, micromanager, psychopath, sociopath, malignant narcissist, they're all describing the same basic personality.
EMMA ALBERICI: And what's the number one tip for dealing with someone in your life, be it at work or at home, who is indeed a psychopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: Number one tip - look after yourself. They are out to hurt you.
Not because they have fun, well, they do have fun hurting you, but that's not their primary motivation. Their primary motivation is to extract resources from you and to extract loyalty and servitude from you and if you are going to survive that, whether it's at work or at home, then you have to provide a support network for yourself.
That means don't let them cut you off from your friends and family. Don't let them cut them off from your support base because you will need them constantly when you are dealing with the confusion and disorientation that they bring to your life.
EMMA ALBERICI: Is psychopathy something you are born with or do you develop it?
DAVID GILLESPIE: We don't really know. What we do know is that all babies are born psychopaths and that all animals are psychopaths but humans develop between birth and the age of four a set of neurones called spindle neurons which are essentially our empathy circuit.
They allow us to socialise, they allow us to cooperate in groups and form communities.
By the age of four we have our adult set of those neurones and that's what doesn't develop in psychopaths.
Now is it something that happens between zero and four or is it a propensity that was there at birth anyway? We just don't know.
EMMA ALBERICI: Can you change a psychopath, cure them?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No, absolutely not. There's no evidence at all and we have got 50 years of research, people trying to do it.
There's no evidence you can change a psychopath.
What you can do is control them. Good, strong communities control them with really obvious tools like honesty, transparency and structured decision-making.
EMMA ALBERICI: One of the other examples in the book which is very current is, what was also surprising, because you test score both President Trump and Hillary Clinton, and alarmingly they both scored higher on the scale of psychopathy than Hitler?
DAVID GILLESPIE: Yes, indeed. Look, there's a body of literature which says Hitler probably wasn't really a psychopath anyway. He was just surrounded by people who used him, who were psychopaths but who knows?
None of us were alive when he was and it's difficult to judge from a distance but the fact that modern politicians score high on psychopathic scales shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody.
The things that drive psychopaths is a power over people and absolute power over people. It's the perfect job as far as a psychopath is concerned.
EMMA ALBERICI: Let's leave it there. David Gillespie, thanks so much.
DAVID GILLESPIE: My pleasure.
Note: Lateline interview on Tuesday 25th July 2017
http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/conten...
For some reason the weblink has 2016, not sure why.
Well ok, 'why?' you ask? It's yet another David Gillespie must read. Check out the other books https://www.goodreads.com/author/show... (GR full of bugs as it is can't find the proper author in the 'Insert book/author' feature).
Together we can all cut these parasites off at the knees and reduce their power and harm over us and society. Show no weakness, no mercy, no emotion with these ghouls. Interestingly enough in Inuit cultures these cretins are killed. Good riddance I say. I'm not cold, just serious and logical, the world will be a much better place without these oxygen-thieves.
Lacks an index, but that's OK, it compensates by listing (in the back) the info boxes, case studies, tests & tips, and figures. Has plenty of end notes to find the sources.
Placemark:
Lateline transcript: (I'd hide this using the spoiler thingy, but meh, WTF I'm sick of clicking 3 times just to read the full comments on this shitty site ;-p so there you go)
EMMA ALBERICI, PRESENTER: David Gillespie, welcome to Lateline.
DAVID GILLESPIE, AUTHOR, 'TAMING TOXIC PEOPLE': Good to be here, Emma.
EMMA ALBERICI: You're not a doctor or a psychologist, you're not even an academic in this field. So what makes you an expert on psychopaths?
DAVID GILLESPIE: I guess the same thing that makes me an expert on sugar or schools and the other things that I've written about which is I require evidence for everything that I look in to and I search until I have the evidence and until I understand it, until I can piece it together and that's what I've done with this as well.
It's an area that I'm interested in so I went looking for the evidence.
EMMA ALBERICI: So tell us the tell-tale signs of a psychopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: I guess, there's a few but the ones that immediately stand out are there's usually a dichotomy between how they appeared when you first met them and how they subsequently appear.
When you first meet them they are incredibly charming. They tell you everything you want to hear, they seem like the most genial and wonderful people you've ever met in your life.
Very shortly thereafter they are completely different. People describe it as a Jekyll and Hyde nature where they are fine when they're ingratiating themselves with you and then suddenly they are just plain nasty or dismissive towards you.
EMMA ALBERICI: One of the examples early in your book which stunned me was Mothers Teresa.
DAVID GILLESPIE: Yeah, well, I should say about all the examples in the book is as you said, I'm not in a position to diagnose people.
I'm relying on the fact that other people have said those sorts of things about the people in the book and one of the example which really surprised me when I came across it was Mother Teresa in that all we are generally told is the public face of this - the goodliness, the godliness, the caring, the compassion and all of that sort of thing.
But there's a lot of evidence out there, quite well substantiated evidence that says a lot of that may simply have been a facade and that her true nature may have been closer to a psychopathic nature than one which is the normal public projection.
EMMA ALBERICI: In terms of what?
DAVID GILLESPIE: So for example, the hospitals that she ran for the poor in India were often in a dreadful state and people were allowed to suffer rather than providing relatively easy and cheap cures which is odd given the amount of money that she raised for exactly that purpose and when directly asked about this during public interviews she would say that suffering is part of God's plan.
So it was almost like...
EMMA ALBERICI: But she didn't suffer in the end?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No, not at all. So when it came to her health, when it came to, she had heart attack and when she needed medical treatment, she went to the best hospitals in the world.
EMMA ALBERICI: Is your definition of psychopathy in the book that which might be fined in the DSM-5, the manual that helps doctors recognise mental illness?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No. You won't find any definition of psychopathy in the DSM-5.
It's not a recognised mental condition at all which is strange given that it is used quite a bit in courts, but it isn't in the psychiatric manual.
The closest you come to it is anti-social personality disorder and many of the people studying psychopathy say 'yeah, okay, that's kind of the same in that it has a distinct lack of empathy, there's the brutality, there's the callousness, there's the vengefulness, the lack of fear'. All of those characteristics are all there but it's a very wide definition and people studying psychopathy say if you just used that definition, you'd classify vast numbers of people who really weren't psychopathic.
EMMA ALBERICI: So where does the test come from?
DAVID GILLESPIE: The test really comes from criminal psychologists who have been working in the prison systems and have identified that there is a class of prisoner who is a constant re-offender, who has absolutely no care for humanity at all and who will manipulate their way out of prison very, very quickly and be back.
There's a classic line in one of the studies that says that a psychopath will be back and forth to prison three times in the same period of time that someone who isn't a psychopath, convicted of the same crimes, will be.
EMMA ALBERICI: But not all psychopaths are criminals?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No. In fact, probably a minority are criminals.
Criminal psychopaths are simply I guess, what you'd call low-functioning psychopaths. The ones without the resources to achieve power, money, fame - the things that drive psychopaths other than by killing or harming others directly.
The more a high-functioning psychopath achieve all of those things without ever committing an overt criminal act.
EMMA ALBERICI: What's the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: None whatsoever. A sociopath is a nice way to call someone a psychopath.
There's a lot of terms like this. There's bully, micromanager, psychopath, sociopath, malignant narcissist, they're all describing the same basic personality.
EMMA ALBERICI: And what's the number one tip for dealing with someone in your life, be it at work or at home, who is indeed a psychopath?
DAVID GILLESPIE: Number one tip - look after yourself. They are out to hurt you.
Not because they have fun, well, they do have fun hurting you, but that's not their primary motivation. Their primary motivation is to extract resources from you and to extract loyalty and servitude from you and if you are going to survive that, whether it's at work or at home, then you have to provide a support network for yourself.
That means don't let them cut you off from your friends and family. Don't let them cut them off from your support base because you will need them constantly when you are dealing with the confusion and disorientation that they bring to your life.
EMMA ALBERICI: Is psychopathy something you are born with or do you develop it?
DAVID GILLESPIE: We don't really know. What we do know is that all babies are born psychopaths and that all animals are psychopaths but humans develop between birth and the age of four a set of neurones called spindle neurons which are essentially our empathy circuit.
They allow us to socialise, they allow us to cooperate in groups and form communities.
By the age of four we have our adult set of those neurones and that's what doesn't develop in psychopaths.
Now is it something that happens between zero and four or is it a propensity that was there at birth anyway? We just don't know.
EMMA ALBERICI: Can you change a psychopath, cure them?
DAVID GILLESPIE: No, absolutely not. There's no evidence at all and we have got 50 years of research, people trying to do it.
There's no evidence you can change a psychopath.
What you can do is control them. Good, strong communities control them with really obvious tools like honesty, transparency and structured decision-making.
EMMA ALBERICI: One of the other examples in the book which is very current is, what was also surprising, because you test score both President Trump and Hillary Clinton, and alarmingly they both scored higher on the scale of psychopathy than Hitler?
DAVID GILLESPIE: Yes, indeed. Look, there's a body of literature which says Hitler probably wasn't really a psychopath anyway. He was just surrounded by people who used him, who were psychopaths but who knows?
None of us were alive when he was and it's difficult to judge from a distance but the fact that modern politicians score high on psychopathic scales shouldn't come as a surprise to anybody.
The things that drive psychopaths is a power over people and absolute power over people. It's the perfect job as far as a psychopath is concerned.
EMMA ALBERICI: Let's leave it there. David Gillespie, thanks so much.
DAVID GILLESPIE: My pleasure.
Note: Lateline interview on Tuesday 25th July 2017
http://www.abc.net.au/lateline/conten...
For some reason the weblink has 2016, not sure why.
August 6, 2017
Required reading
This book is fabulously written. Well researched, well presented, offering a lot of food for thought in an easily digestible way.
The first section on recognising and dealing with psychopaths provides valuable tools for recognition and action beyond the "run away" line usually broached.
The latter part of the book showed why societies are in danger of being overrun by them as we lose the concept of community.
Most probably the people who read this will be the ones least likely to offend, but it's still worth reading and recommending to others.
And thanks to Richard Fydler and the ABC for interviewing the author. That conversation is available online and worth listening to. http://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/...
This book is fabulously written. Well researched, well presented, offering a lot of food for thought in an easily digestible way.
The first section on recognising and dealing with psychopaths provides valuable tools for recognition and action beyond the "run away" line usually broached.
The latter part of the book showed why societies are in danger of being overrun by them as we lose the concept of community.
Most probably the people who read this will be the ones least likely to offend, but it's still worth reading and recommending to others.
And thanks to Richard Fydler and the ABC for interviewing the author. That conversation is available online and worth listening to. http://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/...
September 9, 2017
Psychopaths are on the rise and there's likely to be one at or near the top of most organizations, companies and governments around the world. This is a fascinating look into the minds of these disturbing people. I really like the way Gillespie writes. The book is clearly well researched, but far from being a boring old tome, it makes for really absorbing reading. Even if you're fortunate enough to not be associated with or have to deal with one of these people, this is an important book for all people to read. Gillespie draws a highly plausible link between the growth of psychopathy in our society and the rise of individualism and capitalism. Psychopaths thrive in an individualistic and materialistic society; but they are suppressed in a collectivist, communal society. Food for thought here.
July 30, 2017
This book has helped me make more sense of my personal experience of a psychopath than the past two years of looking for reasons 'why'.
The information is well sequenced and references and anecdotes useful.
The best bit is the challenge to consider the way WE operate in society, at work and on social media, enabling the behaviours of the psychopaths amongst us.
The conclusion perfectly sums up our individual and collective responsibility: "Do not lie. Do not tolerate being lied to. No, I mean *really* don't tolerate it"....Applicable to every sphere in life.
The information is well sequenced and references and anecdotes useful.
The best bit is the challenge to consider the way WE operate in society, at work and on social media, enabling the behaviours of the psychopaths amongst us.
The conclusion perfectly sums up our individual and collective responsibility: "Do not lie. Do not tolerate being lied to. No, I mean *really* don't tolerate it"....Applicable to every sphere in life.
March 5, 2019
I found this helpful because I have seen the behaviours labeled in this book as psychopathy embodied by a person I have had to call a boss in the past. My reference point made it easy for me to understand the book and what it asks us to do but I can easily see this book not hitting home for a person who has not yet been under a psychopathic management style. I would recommend this book to people who believe that they are in a toxic relationship or work culture as it answers many questions and gives good strategies for being safe in the aforementioned situations.
August 26, 2024
The scientific research and background information was interesting to read about. Unfortunately the “how to deal with a psychopath” part wasn’t very useful to anyone. I essentially was told to “just put up with them”… probably not a book for a therapist to read lol
October 13, 2018
This was recommended to me...And I am so glad I bought this and read it. I am so tired of working with and for people who are toxic and create anxiety and stress in those of us who just want to get along and do our jobs and feel happy and satisfied with our work. For anyone struggling with bullies and corporate psychopaths... This book will remind you that you are not alone and give you some strategies to cope!! I enjoy David's casual but informative style...I appreciate his thorough research and ability to compile large amounts of information into easily digestible concepts... So for.all the empaths out there...Be sure to read this _we all need to stick together!!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 30, 2022
Opened my eyes
This book was excellent at helping me to understand the psychopaths around me. It confirmed to me that I am not alone in my experience and I am on the right track with trying to be honest and uphold my values in this world that favours psychopaths. Thank you for writing it David.
This book was excellent at helping me to understand the psychopaths around me. It confirmed to me that I am not alone in my experience and I am on the right track with trying to be honest and uphold my values in this world that favours psychopaths. Thank you for writing it David.
January 17, 2018
This book was very readable and very relevant to a current workplace situation. It explained a lot in a very straightforward way. Highly recommend to anyone who has dealings with a person who has mild or extreme psychopathic tendancies especially in the workplace.
July 10, 2023
Started this book a few years ago, as I was dealing with people with troublesome behaviours. I lost interest and bookmarked it. Came back to it in recent weeks. It’s more about how to work with others effectively to avoid and manage those who demonstrate psychopathic behaviours.
April 30, 2020
The author classifies psychopaths as anyone who can't feel empathy and traces it to a biological condition where these ppl naturally or surgically lack the brain neurology (to varying degrees) which allows us to feel and also read emotions exhibited by others.
So if you are lucky enough to be position where you have to closely interact with one, it's best you pick up some the authors pointers on how to best manage your actions and thoughts. Changing them is not an option.
Listened to the audio book, but this one would be better digested in the print format i think.
So if you are lucky enough to be position where you have to closely interact with one, it's best you pick up some the authors pointers on how to best manage your actions and thoughts. Changing them is not an option.
Listened to the audio book, but this one would be better digested in the print format i think.
April 23, 2021
This book was interesting, and presented the science in pretty digestible parts. I do think there is a danger that this book just creates biases and then you start thinking that anyone who has done you wrong is a psychopath though.
I did learn a bit though. Worth a read / or a listen.
I did learn a bit though. Worth a read / or a listen.
September 29, 2019
The best advice given on these type of personalities! Anyone working should read this for their own good. Psychopathic personalites decay society!
October 6, 2023
There were definitely some interesting insights, case studies, statistics and practical tips, but on the whole, this felt a bit reductive and pejorative. Psychopaths (as he defines them) are people too and I just feel that some more empathy (ironically) could have been applied. It felt a bit too driven by personal wounding, too.
May 16, 2019
Ok. A bit repetitive.
May 22, 2018
After hearing Gillespie interviewed on ABC radio I was intrigued by the concept of psychopaths being far more prevalent than we think, but as soon as I started reading Taming Toxic People I recognized the traits in people I’ve known in my own life:
He uses real life examples like Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ted Bundy, and Dr Patel and some not-so real life ones like James Bond and the replicants from Blade Runner to give us a meaningful perspective on the traits and behaviours of these toxic people.
With practical instructions on how to deal with the psychopathic neighbour, parent, partner, child, or workmate, and tips on how companies can prevent psychopaths becoming entrenched in their workplaces (hint: by promoting honesty) this is an invaluable read.
…confuse the hell out of us...bizzare and highly unpredictable…callous and parasitic…obsessive micromanagers…workplace bullies…just as likely to chop off your hand as shake it…Gillespie uses comfortable and informal language (‘the names and many of the identifying circumstances have been changed to protect … well to stop me being sued’) to share his findings in the hope that we can ‘tame the tigers rather than cower before them’.
He uses real life examples like Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ted Bundy, and Dr Patel and some not-so real life ones like James Bond and the replicants from Blade Runner to give us a meaningful perspective on the traits and behaviours of these toxic people.
With practical instructions on how to deal with the psychopathic neighbour, parent, partner, child, or workmate, and tips on how companies can prevent psychopaths becoming entrenched in their workplaces (hint: by promoting honesty) this is an invaluable read.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place you need to become the rock
October 16, 2020
Well, this was definitely the most interesting (and only) non-fiction book I've read this year! Having been in contact with people with the personality traits described here not only in the workplace, but in my personal life as well, makes this one a verryyy absorbing read.
April 20, 2019
Gillespie’s book about psychopaths and other toxic folk is fascinating. Apparently Hannibal Lector - from the novel and book of the same name, ‘Silence of the Lambs’ - is not classified by researchers as a psychopath.
Hannibal Lector was deemed as being just too crazy to be a psychopath. This may have been due to his cannibalistic nature. He liked nothing better than fresh human liver matched with fava beans and a nice Chianti. The liver in question having been extracted from a census taker.
Gillespie tends to divide the world into empaths and non-empaths who might well turn out to be psychopaths. Not all psychopaths are of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre type, many are termed 'subclinical' in that they stay on the right side of the law. Apparently psychopaths do well professionally as: CEO’s, Lawyers, Media personalities, Sales folk, Surgeons, Journalists, Police Officers, Clergy, Chefs and Civil Servants.
The key characteristics of psychopaths are that they're: completely lacking in remorse or guilt, take no responsibility for their actions, are emotionally shallow and callous yet also charming, manipulative, self-obsessed, impulsive, vindictive, fearless, aggressive and they’re also compulsive liars.
The author offers ways to deal with the psychopaths in your life and he also details his theory on why psychopaths thrive in individualistic societies such as the USA and Australia. It would have been useful if Gillespie had provided an index. However, there is a very useful bibliography and a 'Guide To Info-boxes'.
It makes for thought-provoking reading. Especially if you have a psychopath or two hiding out in your family tree or lying in wait for you in the staff tearoom.
Hannibal Lector was deemed as being just too crazy to be a psychopath. This may have been due to his cannibalistic nature. He liked nothing better than fresh human liver matched with fava beans and a nice Chianti. The liver in question having been extracted from a census taker.
Gillespie tends to divide the world into empaths and non-empaths who might well turn out to be psychopaths. Not all psychopaths are of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre type, many are termed 'subclinical' in that they stay on the right side of the law. Apparently psychopaths do well professionally as: CEO’s, Lawyers, Media personalities, Sales folk, Surgeons, Journalists, Police Officers, Clergy, Chefs and Civil Servants.
The key characteristics of psychopaths are that they're: completely lacking in remorse or guilt, take no responsibility for their actions, are emotionally shallow and callous yet also charming, manipulative, self-obsessed, impulsive, vindictive, fearless, aggressive and they’re also compulsive liars.
The author offers ways to deal with the psychopaths in your life and he also details his theory on why psychopaths thrive in individualistic societies such as the USA and Australia. It would have been useful if Gillespie had provided an index. However, there is a very useful bibliography and a 'Guide To Info-boxes'.
It makes for thought-provoking reading. Especially if you have a psychopath or two hiding out in your family tree or lying in wait for you in the staff tearoom.
December 29, 2017
This is a layman's guide but there were some good insights into why the behaviour of these people seems so perplexing and random (namely: you're not thinking like a psychopath, so until you do, the behaviour will keep feeling disturbingly random and traumatising.) The book demystifies this behaviour and gives you a handle on how to deal with it. Very much recommended for anyone who has ever had to deal with abusive/aggressive personalities who appear to show little remorse.
The first part of the book defines psychopaths in terms of diagnostic criteria and theory. Anyone who has done past background reading might find this section slow-going but can skip through it.
The second section is more about practical ways to deal with regular people in the community who show psychopathic traits (no empathy/self-serving, manipulative behaviour.) There were some good tips and strategies but unfortunately, the conclusion was that people with these traits can only be curtailed, not really stopped or cured. The strategies are therefore limited to containment/survival but still give some sense of control and direction to anyone dealing with this issue.
The first part of the book defines psychopaths in terms of diagnostic criteria and theory. Anyone who has done past background reading might find this section slow-going but can skip through it.
The second section is more about practical ways to deal with regular people in the community who show psychopathic traits (no empathy/self-serving, manipulative behaviour.) There were some good tips and strategies but unfortunately, the conclusion was that people with these traits can only be curtailed, not really stopped or cured. The strategies are therefore limited to containment/survival but still give some sense of control and direction to anyone dealing with this issue.
October 5, 2020
Fantastic book explaining why some people are almost impossible to work with. When you are focussed on good for all, they are only focussed on themselves. They dress up as all sorts of altruistic, caring people, but scratch a little and you will find a self serving psychopath.
Importantly this book didn't just help me identify the psychopaths in my world, t gave me keys for dealing with them. A must read for anyone who sometimes just wonders what the heck is going on with some of the conflict they see or are part of.
Importantly this book didn't just help me identify the psychopaths in my world, t gave me keys for dealing with them. A must read for anyone who sometimes just wonders what the heck is going on with some of the conflict they see or are part of.
March 29, 2020
Repetitive.
I felt he made up a lot of the "facts" on the definition of a psychopath. Gillespie himself admitted the definition isn't fully agreed on, but then relates his personal definition as if it should be the agreed definition.
I disliked most of the book. The beginning really just felt like he had been on the receiving end of bullies and wanted to get his own back, whilst venting to his audience.
I enjoyed the discussion about business models based on trust.
I think his overall advice was correct (in fact it is the same conclusion I had already come to in my own life). I think that created more disappointment, I didn't learn anything new. And long story short, you can't change people. Avoid them, pander to them or leave completely. All ultimately unsatisfactory options.
I felt he made up a lot of the "facts" on the definition of a psychopath. Gillespie himself admitted the definition isn't fully agreed on, but then relates his personal definition as if it should be the agreed definition.
I disliked most of the book. The beginning really just felt like he had been on the receiving end of bullies and wanted to get his own back, whilst venting to his audience.
I enjoyed the discussion about business models based on trust.
I think his overall advice was correct (in fact it is the same conclusion I had already come to in my own life). I think that created more disappointment, I didn't learn anything new. And long story short, you can't change people. Avoid them, pander to them or leave completely. All ultimately unsatisfactory options.
August 25, 2020
I was a little confused about the difference between a narcissist, a sociopath and a psychopath. I am not talking about psycho-killers, but the overt or covert manipulators we may come across in everyday life. David Gillespie’s Taming Toxic People was informative and an engaging book to read. His case studies were illuminating and I found that his definition of a psychopath provided clarity to the meaning of the term and I quote, “…, the defining difference of psychopaths is empathy, or, rather, the lack of it.”
I am now going on to read 'Snakes in Suits' by Paul Babiak and Robert D. Hare. It will be interesting to compare the two books. I am hoping it will further develop my understanding of psychopaths in society-(there seems to be one or two around in positions of power!).
I am now going on to read 'Snakes in Suits' by Paul Babiak and Robert D. Hare. It will be interesting to compare the two books. I am hoping it will further develop my understanding of psychopaths in society-(there seems to be one or two around in positions of power!).
December 5, 2017
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and found it to be an easy read. The strategies provided, particularly for the workplace, are ones that people should bare in mind all the time, not just in dealings with difficulty bosses. Highly recommended and one that I will probably read again when in need of reminding 😀
July 26, 2019
I would love to be able to run far away from all the psychopaths, narcissists, sociopaths and all the others in between. However since that would mean living in a tree house in the middle of nowhere, this book is helpful in giving some tips on how to not let them get to you.
September 2, 2018
Awesome information! We live amongst a lot of psychopaths...
October 17, 2019
Very readable and accessible. Some interesting reflections on the direction dominant Western societies are heading and consequently where, as one, we all are headed.
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