Kiss & Tell

by Alain de Botton

Presents a challenge to biographical norms by setting out to chart the life of someone unknown, intimate with their biographer, and still alive. The subject of the book is Isabel Rogers, a 25-year-old Londoner, and her biographer's approach to her life is complicated by their love affair.

Genres: Fiction, Philosophy, Contemporary, Romance, Novels, Audiobook, Essays

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Alain de Botton is a writer and television producer who lives in London and aims to make philosophy relevant to everyday life. He can be contacted by email directly via www.alaindebotton.com

He is a writer of essayistic books, which refer both to his own experiences and ideas- and those of artists, philosophers and thinkers. It's a style of writing that has been termed a 'philosophy of everyday life.'

His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], minutely analysed the process of falling in and out of love. The style of the book was unusual, because it mixed elements of a novel together with reflections and analyses normally found in a piece of non-fiction. It's a book of which many readers are still fondest.

Bibliography:
* Essays In Love (1993)
* The Romantic Movement (1994)
* Kiss and Tell (1995)
* How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
* The Consolations of Philosophy (2000)
* The Art of Travel (2002)
* Status Anxiety (2004)
* The Architecture of Happiness (2006)
* The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work (2009)

Reviews

[Özge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ablamın kütüphanesinden aşırdığım aslında çok planlı bir okuma sürecinde olmadığım Alain de Botton'un bu kitabını kısa sürede soluksuz bitirdim! Kolay ve mükemmel bir üslup! Sayfaları kıvırmaktan yoruldum desem yeridir... Anlatımı harika... Aslında biyografi yazma etrafında şekillenen bir kurgusu var, ama olaylar bir biçimde Proust'a öyle bir bağlanıyor ki, Proust'la ilgili okuduğum her satır için bir artı yıldız da ekleyesim geliyor.

'İnsanı geçmişini anımsamaya zorlamak, onu silah zoruyla hapşırtmaya benzer, sonuç mutlaka hayal kırıklığına uğratır, gerçek anımsama tıpkı hapşırık gibi her isteyince elde edilmez, evet bunun adı neyse, Proustvari anı dedikleri şey...

Biyografiler... 'Einstein'in küçükken banyoda sabun köpüğüyle oynamayı sevdiğini, Churcill'in purolarını nasıl Stalin'le paylaştığını,... Biyografilerde aradığımız özel yaşamdır,

Aynı maddi dünyada yaşadığımız ve ortak tanımlarda birleşen dilleri konuştuğumuz için başkalarıyla konuşurken kafamızdaki imgeleri büyük ölçüde paylaştığımızı varsayarız... Hepimiz aynı güdülerle harekete geçer, aynı hilelere kanar, aynı umutla canlanır, tehlikelere karşı benzer biçimde kendimizi dışa kapatır, arzularımız yüzünden aynı şekilde başımızı derde sokar, zevklerle de baştan çıkarız...

Kitabın sonlarına doğru ise, İsabel ile Proust'un aynı sorulara verdikleri farklı cevapların yer aldığı bir bölüm geliyor ve çıtayı arşa taşıyor. :)

Partner bulmak için kendi kısa biyografilerini; gazetenin ilan köşesinde yayınlayan tiplerin tanımlarının geçtiği bölümde ise; kişilerin neyi aradığı ve kendinde hangi özellikleri barındırdığı eğlenceli bir dille anlatılmış. Buradaki diyaloğun en tatlı bölümü ise; eğer Proust gazeteye bir eş bulmak için ilan verseydi; ne yazardı? sorusu :) aşağıya alıntı yapmadan geçemeyeceğim;

PARİSLİ GAY YAZAR: annesine çok düşkün, astımlı,.. Vermeer'den uzun cümleler kurmaktan, şoförlerden, kadın adları taşıyan erkeklerden ve Venedik'ten hoşlanır... Seyahat etmek, kısa cümleler yazmak ve iyi geceler öpücüğü almadan uyumak gibi konularda sorunları var. Şuan çok büyük bir proje üzerinde çalışıyor,... Fotoğrafla başvurun.

Eğer Kayıp Zamanın İzinde romanına başladıysanız en az benim kadar heyecanlanarak okuyacağınız bir roman olacak :)

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

The plot goes like this: a guy is dumped by a girl who says he lacks empathy and is only interested in himself. Then in a bookstore the idea jumps out at him from some random book: writing someone's biography is one of the most unselfish and empathetic acts you can do. So he decides to do exactly that for the next girl he likes.
This is an incredibly witty, clever and delicate novel that I really enjoyed reading. It made me laugh a handful of times, but I think that I also found a lot of deeper insights there. And Isabel is absolutely charming and now one of my favorite fictional female characters. If there is anything I didn't like about that novel, it was an ending; I liked its form but not the substance. It made me think that I like Isabel more than her creator.
Now I wish that someone would want to write my biography... isn't that the most romantic thing ever to do for a girlfriend?

[MAP · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first discovered this book in the weirdest way possible: a section of it was a passage in the 2002 AP Literature test. While most of those passages are snore-worthy, during this test you could tell when everyone hit this passage because people would consistently laugh out loud. It stuck out enough to me that I jotted down the title before I left the test.

I bought it in college but spent most of my college career focusing on a doomed relationship, so I didn't get to read it until now, when I've been reading tons of extracurricular in an attempt to not write my master's thesis.

The book is about a guy, our heroic nameless narrator, who after being told by an ex-girlfriend he is totally egocentric, decides to write a biography about his next girlfriend. The book is part novel, part philosophical musings about the entity "biography". Many parts will make you laugh out loud, there are a couple of sections that seem to drag, but ultimately it lived up to its AP literature passage promise.

[iva° · Rating 3 out of 5]

nakon uvodnih razmišljanja o formi biografije (zašto i kako ih autori pišu i zašto ih volimo čitati), a. de botton zacrtao si je napisati biografiju "obične" osobe - prva slijedeća njegova djevojka bit će "materijal" za biografiju. kroz nekoliko poglavlja, de botton, kao i inače verbalno raskošan i duhovit, provodi svoju družicu isabel kroz njenu povijest (doslovno, od rodoslovnog stabla) pa nadalje, dajući nam uvid u njen život slično kao što čitamo u biografijama slavnih.

sasvim zgodna ideja, ali jedna stvar u cijeloj priči ne štima: dok čitamo biografije, u pravilu izabiremo likove koji nas interesiraju, a, ruku na srce, isabel ne bi ni u kojem slučaju bila predmet mojeg interesa. sama po sebi ni po čemu posebna - tek utoliko što je izabranica u romantičnoj vezi s autorom. zbog toga sam s jedne strane, čitajući, bila zabavljena samim de bottonovim pristupom i njegovom pismenošću, a s druge strane, iritirana što saznajem svakojake pojedinosti o dotičnoj isabel, osobi koje me se ni u kojem smislu ne tiče. nije ni čudo da se mnogi čitatelji ovog djela na gr-u žale na dosadu pri čitanju ovog djela - svi smo bili suočeni pratiti neželjenu, sporadičnu osobu kroz dvjestotinjak stranica... a s vremenom to postane pravi zamor.
dajem tri zvjezdice zbog de bottonovog vještog pisanja i ideje kao takve.

[Mary Rodeback · Rating 3 out of 5]

de Botton merges fiction with philosophy in this exploration of biography, intimacy and narcissism. At turns funny, poignant and painful, it is the kind of book I had to read in chunks, not for the weighty nature of the ideas or the prose, but because the strain of loneliness in the narrator became oppressive in its sadness. I liked this book--the consideration of the complicated nature of telling a life's story in particular--but it was a difficult book to savor.

[Marco Gautero · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pagine di puro genio alternate a pagine di pura speculazione filosofica.
Considerando che il titolo originale è "Kiss and tell" secondo me potevano tradurlo letteralmente.

[Elif O’Neil · Rating 4 out of 5]

not his greatest book but still loved it <3

[sinepudore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Voglio avere dei bambini,ma ho paura di diventare come mia madre.So che dovrei fare qualcosa di buono nella mia vita,ma sono le otto passate e arriverei in ritardo al treno.
#quote

[Mitch Reynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kiss & Tell (1995) by Alain De Botton is a fantastic and very refreshing read.



The plot follows the unnamed narrator of the book who has been told by his ex girlfriend that he can’t empathize with people so he decides to take on that challenge by writing the biography of the next person he meets. That next person is Isabel Rogers. Over time, he gets to know Isabel and there is a mutual romantic feeling between them but it is unspoken between them.

I really enjoyed it. The book is so authentic to life and is really funny in many parts. There is also much satire about biography writing which was both funny and philosophical.

There is a sense of the everyday, longing and a trying to find your place feel to this book. The complexity and simplicity of being a human are shown very well through different aspects.

I liked how one minute this book has you thinking, in another laughing, occasionally both. This author is super talented. You can tell in the book that the author writing the book that he wants to write. That comes through very clearly and I love that. It is unique, quirky, new, interesting and I loved it.

A must-read.

[Abhinav · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhat insightful on matters of the heart but expected much more on the lines of the brilliant "On Love"/"Essays in Love".

[Elly Stroo Cloeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik heb mij voorgenomen om meer biografieën te lezen. Om me wat voor te bereiden las ik De biograaf (Kiss & Tell) van filosoof Alain de Botton uit 1995. Dit is een grappige, intelligente mix van een roman en een bespiegeling aan welke eisen een goede biografie moet voldoen. En wat zijn de bestaande conventies? Want: een biografie zou moeten leiden tot meer begrip voor de hoofdpersoon, we moeten ons in hem/haar kunnen inleven.

Het idee om deze bespiegelingen in een roman te stoppen, is briljant. Alain neemt ons mee in zijn relatie met Isabel, van wie hij alle mogelijke feitjes noteert. De gangbare, zoals familie en werk, en de niet zo gangbare, zoals wat zij met haar ‘snotjes en pulkjes doet’. En niet te vergeten haar reactie op het ononderbroken vragenstellen van Alain. Ook komen de dingen die ze samen doen uitgebreid aan bod, inderdaad als een roman. Alain is er zeker in geslaagd mij me te laten inleven in Isabel, ik vind het een leuke spontane meid! En hij laat me nadenken over welke feitjes nu wél en niet relevant zijn voor een biografie, en hoe (on)betrouwbaar een biografie kan zijn. Daar ga ik zeker wat aan hebben!

Het ‘semi-biografische’ boek De biograaf is ook het verhaal van de ik-persoon, Alain, die een relatie heeft met Isabel. Van elk dingetje dat hij over haar leert, vraagt hij zich af hoe relevant het is, of daar eerder in biografieën over geschreven is. Hij schrijft dus ook over zichzelf. En dat is één van de eerste vragen die hij opwerpt: hoe interessant is het leven van de auteur van een biografie, de biograaf dus. En dat van zijn vrouw, die altijd wordt genoemd in het dankwoord. Hij maakt ook een vergelijking met de kwantummechanica: de waarnemer neemt waar maar beïnvloedt ook het gedrag van wat wordt waargenomen. Als je een poosje door een microscoop kijkt ‘geef je de atomen zo’n onbehaaglijk gevoel dat ze dingen doen die ze anders niet zouden hebben gedaan’. Of anders gezegd: als je moeder erbij is, wordt er over sommige dingen wél gesproken en over andere juist niet, en als je de buren begluurt zullen zij hun potje vrijen op de huiskamervloer uitstellen. In hoeverre beïnvloedt de biograaf het gedrag van zijn onderwerp? Interessante gedachte, en superleuk verwoord.

Wat is de ideale biograaf?
En dat leidt tot de volgende vraag: worden de levens waarheidsgetrouwer beschreven als er veel afstand is tussen biograaf en onderwerp? Kent een vriend of geliefde het onderwerp niet juist veel beter dan een afstandelijke biograaf ooit zou kunnen? Want voor een goede biografie moet je gefixeerd zijn op het onderwerp, iemand door en door willen kennen. Zoals een geliefde dus. Of heeft een geliefde juist teveel vooroordelen, een té roze bril op?

Zijn eetgewoonten relevant in een biografie?
Wat zijn interessante weetjes en wat niet? Wat iemand eet, en lekker vindt? Daar lees je bijna nooit over. En dat terwijl een groot deel van de tijd in ons leven opgaat aan eten (per dag 2-3 van de 16 uur, schat ik, inclusief snacks zo’n 20%) en nog meer aan nadenken over wat je gaat koken, je verheugen op dinertjes en treuren over vreetbuien. Deze vraag vloeit voort uit een ruzie tussen Alain en Isabel, omdat hij een doosje bonbons bijna heeft leeggegeten en haar ‘laat zitten met die stomme citroenparfaits’. Wat is dat, zo’n parfait, en waarom stom? En waarom vindt Isabel het onvoorstelbaar dat Alain denkt dat zij die lekker vindt? Alain gaat op weg om nieuwe bonbons te kopen, maar …. welke vindt ze dan wél lekker? Waarom zegt wát we eten en hóé we eten (boerend, onze jus opdweilend met een stuk brood) volgens de biografen niets over ons karakter, en met wie we slapen en op wie we stemmen wél? Slechts van enkele beroemdheden weten we iets culinairs: Rousseau was dol op peren, Sartre haatte schaaldieren. Dat is nogal magertjes.

Isabel echter denkt het karakter van mensen wél aan de hand van het eten te kunnen afleiden. Zij doet in de supermarkt de winkelwagentjes-test. Een tube ansjovispasta plus een fles walnootolie? Een kinderpornografie-type, ultrarechts, vóór de doodstraf. O, en mensen die tijdens het eten iets anders doen, zoals de krant lezen, tv-kijken, dat zijn ‘verloederde types’, volgens Isabel.

Horen privé-zaken wel in een biografie?
Dan de vraag: wat is té privé voor een biografie? Ik lees een gedetailleerd verslag hoe Isabel met haar snotjes omgaat. Alain vraagt of ze ze ook opeet? Nee, ‘de mijne zijn te zout’. Brrr. Zou ze die van anderen hebben geprobeerd om te vergelijken? Brr Brr. Dat vind ik te privé. Maar verhalen over de eerste kus, de eerste keer seks, aantallen bedpartners, ……

Wat zeggen uitzonderlijke verhalen over een hoofdpersoon?
Men zegt dat biografen teveel aandacht geven aan uitzonderlijke verhalen, denk aan een incidentele knokpartij. In hoeverre is dat een teken van een gewelddadig karakter? Toch is het volgens Alain relevant, omdat in een ‘normaal’ leven er waarschijnlijk zeer weinig aanleidingen zijn geweest voor gewelddadig gedrag, terwijl iemand dat misschien tóch is. Hoe kun je weten of je dapper bent, als je nooit bent toegebruld door een leeuw, midden in de jungle?

En boeken?
Wat zeggen boeken over iemands karakter? Wie heeft er niet tijdens een bezoek of op een feestje, de boekenkast van de gastvrije vreemden bekeken? En als iemand dezelfde literaire smaak heeft, mag je die nét iets liever, maar als je doorpraat over het boek zul je merken dat de ander toch een andere voorstelling heeft over de hoofdpersoon en de omgeving. Die vul je namelijk in met je eigen herinneringen: het gezicht van je neef, de kamer van je opa.

Verschillende biografieën over dezelfde persoon
Over die herinneringen schreef Alain een heel interessant stuk, waarin hij laat zien dat specifieke details en herinneringen anders worden ingekleurd als je een ander humeur hebt. De geboorte van Isabel’s zusje Lucy is dan óf een heerlijke gebeurtenis tegen de eenzaamheid geweest, die haar leerde speelgoed te delen en verantwoordelijkheid te nemen, óf iets wat Isabel beroofde van de aandacht van haar ouders en wat leidde tot rivaliteit. Is ze nu aardiger of juist gemener geworden door Lucy’s geboorte? Je kunt dus twee verschillende biografieën schrijven…

Er is ook verschil tussen biografieën van dode en levende onderwerpen. Bij dode hoofdpersonen weet je welke bekentenissen op het sterfbed zijn gedaan, wie wat kreeg in het testament, en is het duidelijk wanneer het boek afgerond is. Anderzijds word je als biograaf waarschijnlijk beïnvloed door de manier van overlijden: van Mozart ‘was het altijd al duidelijk dat hij arm zou sterven’. Je mist dan alle toevalligheden, en alle keuzes die onuitgesproken gemaakt zijn. Alain zegt dat één persoon in feite een opeenvolging van verschillende mensen in hetzelfde lichaam is. Denk maar aan alle verschillende beroepen die je ooit wilde worden, voor Isabel onder andere metselaar en melkboerin, om allerlei verschillende redenen. Wát je uiteindelijk geworden bent, is niet wíé je bent, dat vergeten we bij dode hoofdpersonen nog wel eens.

Is een autobiografie betrouwbaarder dan een biografie?
En dan de autobiografie. Begrijpen we onszelf beter dan onze vrienden dat doen? Nee. Onze herinneringen zijn gekleurd, en vaak ook aangepast, dus onbetrouwbaar. We interpreteren wat af! Een autobiografie zit dus vól verzinsels. Als biograaf van een levende persoon is het dus dubbel zo lastig een waarheidsgetrouwe biografie te schrijven: niet alleen de hoofdpersoon interpreteert, maar de biograaf óók!

Misschien dat de bekende questionnaires betrouwbare resultaten over iemands karakter opleveren? Onze biograaf Alain en Isabel vullen er samen een paar in. Zegt je favo kleur, vogel of bloem iets over je persoonlijkheid? Dat slaat (natuurlijk) nergens op. Handlijnkunde dan? Isabel vindt dat bijgeloof. Maar ze gelooft wél in het lot en in karma, hoewel haar gedrag er blijkbaar niet door wordt beïnvloed. Is dat relevant? Kent Alain Isabel nu beter? Jawel, maar of hij ook haar karakter beter kent …

Is dikker beter?
Tot slot wat over de steeds maar toenemende dikte van de biografieën. We weten niet goed wát we moeten weten om iemand te doorgronden, de biograaf schrijft dus maar álles op. Of is het zo dat gewoonten en zaken van gewone mensen zoals jij en ik triviaal zijn, terwijl diezelfde gewoonten van beroemdheden automatisch wél interessant zijn? (Die gedachte leeft zeker bij de schrijvers van Dagelijkse rituelen en vergelijkbare boeken). Anderzijds, deze triviale zaken weglaten en je als biograaf beperken tot enkele bijzondere trekjes leidt ertoe dat de lezer deze uitvergroot en van de hoofdpersoon een karikatuur maakt. Oók niet goed!

Mijn evaluatie van De biograaf
Dit boek is een roman en dus fictie. Maar het maakt filosofie zó behapbaar dat het voor de helft echt wel non-fictie is, én leerzaam. Alain heeft de gave om je, al filosoferend, op een andere manier te laten kijken naar dingen die je altijd maar voor vaststaand aannam. Natuurlijk weet je dat een (auto)biografie maar een selectie van het leven van iemand weergeeft, maar ik had nooit zo over de details, over relevantie, over interpretatie nagedacht. Ik kijk nu iets anders terug op de bio’s die ik al las, en de bio’s die nog komen (in één ben ik al halverwege) lees ik met andere ogen.

Alain voert Isabel op om zijn stellingen te ‘onderzoeken’ en te ‘bewijzen’, maar verwijst ook naar biografieën van historische figuren om zijn punt te maken. Isabel is verzonnen, maar levensecht, en haar ervaringen en gevoelens zijn zeer herkenbaar. Ook na 30 jaar nog!

Het boek is geïllustreerd met tabellen (over bonbons, bedpartners etc.) en foto’s, onder andere van de grootouders van Isabel. Hoe relevant zijn die, vraag ik me af. En Alain heeft ze waarschijnlijk precies daarom opgenomen. Het maakt wel dat je inderdaad denkt de bio van een ‘echt’ persoon lezen. (Wie zijn die mensen écht, vraag ik me nu af.)

Alain’s schrijfstijl is bijzonder grappig. De passage die Isabel’s huidverzorging beschrijft is herkenbaar én hilarisch. Ze zijn al laat voor een afspraak als Isabel een pukkeltje op haar slaap ontdekt …. Ze missen de afspraak, en wat volgt is 4 pagina’s met reinigingsmelk, tonic, vochtinbrengende crème enzovoorts tot en met het borstelen van de wenkbrauwen. Mét gedetailleerde beschrijvingen van de flesjes, potjes en kleuren. En zo zijn er meer stukken, heerlijk.

Deze stukken maken ook héél duidelijk wat Alain wil zeggen met zijn beschouwingen over details en relevantie. En ook dat het hele ochtendritueel voor vrouwen niks bijzonders is, maar voor mannen superinteressant kan zijn, in 1995 althans. Een goed voorbeeld van triviaal of niet: als het een bio van, zeg, Kim Kardashian zou zijn, was dit vast héél relevant. En ook: kan een mannelijke biograaf wel de ervaringen van vrouwen volledig begrijpen? Daar heb ik óók nooit zo bij stilgestaan. Knap, als je dergelijke voorbeelden kunt geven, verzonnen of niet.

Mis je iets als je dit boek niet leest? Nee. Behalve als je een enthousiast biografieën-lezer bent.

Conclusie
Inhoud: Leerzaam +, Onderbouwd +, Relevant 0, Tijdloos +.

Vorm: Aansprekend+, Verzorgd +, Illustraties +, Structuur +, Schrijfstijl +

FOMO -.

Ik gaf het boek 4*

[Esonika · Rating 3 out of 5]

Neden kendi sevgilimin biyografisini yazmayayım diye düşünmüş Alain’ciğim ve sevgilisi Isabel ile birlikteyken biyografi tekniklerini kullanarak bu kitabı yaratmış. Aslında hem dili çok eğlenceli hem de analizleri çok özenli ama ben kendimi çoğu zaman neden Isabel’i bu kadar ince ayrıntısına kadar tanımak isteyeyim ki diye sorgularken buldum. 3,5 yıldız verebilsem verirdim.

Kitaptan alıntılar:

- Kötü biyografi, yazarın öznesi hakkında çok fazla fikir beyan ettiği ve okuduğumuzda, öğrenmek için para ödediğimiz kişinin komplekslerinden çok yazarın kendi kompleksleriyle ilgili bilgi sahibi olduğumuz biyografidir.

- Karşındaki insanın ismini unutmak, başkalarında nasıl bir izlenim yarattıklarını çok odaklanan insanların başına gelir. Çünkü karşılarındaki kişiye yoğunlaşamazlar.

- Isabel’in ailesini anlatışını dinlerken, sahip olunan toprakları,unvanları ve bir nesilden ötekine intikal eden malvarlıklarını değil de, insana ailesinden kalan duygusal mirası gösterecek ve kısaca “soydan gelen kaçıklık ağacı” diye adlandırılabilecek yeni bir soyağacı türü düşünülemez mi diye sordum kendime. (Örnek büyükanne; istifçi, amca; duyarlı ama yeteneksiz gibi)

- Biyografik yazılarda yiyecekten nadiren sözedilir. Kariyerleri üzerine elimizin altında pek çok belge bulunmasına karşın Abraham Licoln’un yumurtayı tavada mı yoksa haşlanmış mı sevdiğini tam olarak bilemeyiz.Yine de bir insanı kolayı kutudan nasıl içtiği veya çikolata parçalarını paketinden nasıl çıkardığı gibi sıradan eylemlerde tanımak mümkündür. Biyografi kahramanlarının mutfakları hakkında öğrenebileceğimiz şeylerin bize çok etkileyici gelmesi de şaşırtıcı değildir. Marquis de Sade’nin turtalara karşı zaafı olduğu, Rousseau’nun armutlar için methiye yazdığını, Sartre’nin deniz kabuklularından nefret ettiğini, Proust’un Ritz’e gittiğinde kızarmış tavuk sipariş ettiğini ya da Nietzche’nin elma soslu omletle servis yapılan bifteği çok sevdiğini öğrenmenin heyecan verici bir yanı yok mudur?

- Isabel ve benim insanlar hakkında dikkat ettiklerimiz de çok farklıydı. Eğer o bir biyografi yazacak olsaydı, çalışması, insanlarının avuç içlerinin ne kadar nemli olduğuna ilişkin betimlemeler içerirdi bense bunu asla düşünmezdim. Bu noktalar önemsiz kabul edilebilir tabii insanlar kelimeleri de farklı yorumlamıyor olsalardı. “Mantıklı” sözcüğünü ele alalım. Isabel’in sözlüğünde bu sözcüğün tanımları şöyleydi ve ona göre bir hakaretti:
1. Bir insanın can sıkıcı ve çok bilmiş olabilme yetisini vurgular.
2. Duygulu olmanın karşıtıdır.
3. Bir zamanlar eski sevgilisi tarafından kendisine yöneltilmiş bir hakaret.
Oysa ben kendi sözlüğümdeki tanımlardan hareket etmiştim.
1. Yüksek fikirli insanlara söylenen iltifat sözü
2. Marie Curie ve Virginia Woolf mantıklı insanlardır.
3. Duygularıyla uyum içinde, hatta duygularının ötesine geçebilme yetisine sahip

- Gazeteye aradığın kişi için bir ilan verebilecek olsaydın nasıl bir ilan verirdin?

[Lulli · Rating 2 out of 5]

Questo è il terzo libro di Alain de Botton che leggo (li ho cominciati in ordine cronologico di pubblicazione) e devo ammettere di aver fatto una fatica impensabile a finirlo. A un buon inizio di quello che sembrava un libro interessante nello stile che seguiva la scia degli altri due, con questo ci sono state continue battute d’arresto, momenti di blocco di lettura, disinteresse, difficoltà nel seguire il filo logico, derivante forse anche da una traduzione non proprio eccellente, poco scorrevole ed errori ortografici presenti che sono imperdonabili.

Allo sforzo di scrivere una biografia fedele della ragazza che il protagonista narratore sta frequentando si accavallano riflessioni filosofiche e meno su come deve essere scritta una buona biografia, con tanto di esempi da quel capolavoro biografico di Doctor Johnson scritto dall’amico Boswell. Lo stile di de Botton si sente ma non mi ha attirata e ho cercato di finire il libro più per dovere e scrupolo che per il piacere della lettura che appariva ostica e confusionale.

[Tony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding fictional examination of how we perceive each other as humans as well as the art and form of biography. The narrator, derided as being self-absorbed, decides to write a biography of the next person he meets. Thus, we are treated to his attempt to do this with "Isabel", a young London woman he meets at a party. De Botton spins it all with a very light, often comic, touch, and yet manages to raise some fairly deep issues relating to how our perceptions of others are formed and shape our actions. Very good stuff which makes me want to find his other work and read it immediately. Fans of "High Fidelity" will likely find this a slightly higher-brow, but very enjoyable book.

[Will Dorrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

An unconventional and very entertaining take on a biography.

The author is pretty erudite, and I just find him fun to read as he takes off on some random new tangent. The idea is also fun, he does an autobiography of a girl he dates for a year. Both the two characters in the book are 20 somethings living in London. As a twenty something living in London I can relate!

It's set in the nineties. All the problems, worries, and joys of these two people were the same as twenty somethings in the 2020s, they just had fewer phones, more cars, and more reading of newspapers.

A very enjoyable read

[Berrak Özdemir · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Çoğunlukla zengin ya da ünlü kişilerin hayatları biyografi olarak yayımlanır. Biyografi yazarının kaleme aldığı kişiyi tanıması gerekmez, hatta bu kişi büyük olasılıkla uzun zaman önce yaşama veda etmiştir. Klasik biyografi kalıplarına cesurca karşı çıkan bu kitapta Botton, ‘mahrem’ bir ilişkiye girdiği, ‘sıradan’ bir kadın olarak nitelendirilebilecek, hâlâ ‘yaşama veda etmemiş’ sevgilisini zekice kurgulanmış özgün bir anlatımla okura sunuyor.”

Kitabın arka kapağından aldığım bir değerlendirme ile kitabı yorumlama kolaycılığına kaçıyorum; çünkü sonradan dönüp baktığımda kitabı ve okuma sürecinde aldığım keyfi hatırlatmaya yetecek kısa ve özlü bir yorum. Keyifle okudum. Çok beğendim.

[Clare · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the premise, but the way Alain de Botton chose to deliver on it sometimes fell short of my expectations. I felt he dwelt too much on the history of the biography rather than the creation of his own biography. But then again, my beef with his construct did make the ending that much more satisfying. I also couldn't stop wondering the whole time I was reading--since this is fiction, who were all the people whose pictures appear, biography-style, in the middle of the book?

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was reminded that biographies are incomplete ways to know people. Knowing people also seems to be an incomplete way to know people. I really liked that this book, which is very interesting as an examination of a biography and not that interesting as a biography, was sprinkled with humanity and thought-provoking passages.

[Cansu Varol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yine bir Alain De Botton şahaseri, altını çizmekten kalemim bitti. Şu an satışı olmadığı için ben sahaftan aldım. Kapağı ayrı içeriği ayrı güzel. 'Ünsüz' Isabella'nın biyografisi bu kitap ama aslında hayatın biyografisi. Tam bir 5 puan.

[Nicholasajallen]

wasnt in the mood gave up on this

[Nada · Rating 4 out of 5]

Genijalna knjiga. Obavezno štivo za sve koji vole čitati biografije a i za sve ostale koji žele dobiti zanimljivi uvid u načine na koje donosimo zaključke o drugima i samima sebi.

[Valentina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alain de Botton jedan je od najboljih zivucih filozofa kraja 20. i pocetka 21. stoljeca. Njegova erudicija simpaticno odzvanja iz korica knjiga koje je napisao, njegovo stivo je uvijek zanimljivo, privlacno, nikada pretenciozno. Jos prije nego sto su postojale aplikacije (ppa😃 op.a.) procitala sam Utjehe filozofije, Kako vam Proust moze promijeniti zivot, Radosti i jadi rada, Statusna tjeskoba, Arhitektura srece …knjige su me osvojile pa sam ih cesto kupovala i poklanjala drugima. Tada je i T com pod vodstvom Mudrinica (uz moderatoricu Maju Weber) doveo Alaina u Hrvatsku pa sam iskoristila priliku poslusati ga i uzivo. On je i tvorac School of Life, preporucam da pogledate o cemu se radi (upoznati pritom i drugog osnivaca skole te filozofa i pisca Romana Krznarica).
Danas, 2022. bit ce vam gotovo nemoguce kupiti knjigu Alaina de Bottona u hrvatskom prijevodu, stoga sam se razveselila kada sam ovaj naslov nasla u nekom shopping centru na rubu jednog grada, kako ja to volim zvati “na sredini”. Studentica (zelim misliti da je studentica) s loknama i dugim noktima buljila je u mob, skrolajuci po drustvenim mrezama, bivajuci pritom potpuno nezainteresirana za rijetka izdanja knjiga koja su pred njom. Tamo je izmedju ostalog pocivala Algoritmova biblioteka Zlatka Crnkovica. Odabir pisaca je izvrstan, ali i “oprema knjige”: korice tvrde, font slova, razmaci, cak i fotografije u boji - to je ono kad knjigu opipavate, njusite, s nestrpljenjem “otvarate” knjigu pa pazljivo prelistavate. Na kraju, kupila sam samo Alaina de Bottona i odmah pozalila sto se nisam duze zadrzala na tom otocicu s blagom, (a u shopping centar na rubu nekog grada tesko da cu se vratiti). Da se vratim na knjigu samu, knjiga je dosadna. Da, d o s a d n a. To je zapravo biografija jedne potpuno nepoznate osobe i sve sto je vezano uz nju i njezin zivot, bas je dosadno. Iako, nisu li svi zivoti ponekad dosadni, bas dosadni. Ono od cega de Botton, na srecu citatelja, ne moze pobjeci, jest njegovo obrazovanje i vjestina pisanja koje se ocituju u filozofskim opazanjima, opservacijama na temu zahtjevnosti pisanja biografije i poznavanja neke osobe, psiholoskim zamkama s kojima se susrecemo..sve je to mozda mogao napisati i bez te (ona meni nije glavni lik, ona mi je Ta) glavne protagonistice i njezina zivota. Naravno, ponekada je volimo, ponekada se prepoznajemo u Njoj, ali nije li ta podudarnost ionako ocekivana. No, cini se da se Alain de Botton uvodnim citatom ogradio od, moze biti citatelju, dosadnog ugodjaja: “Mozda je jednako tesko dobro opisati neciji zivot, kao i dobro prozivjeti vlastiti.” Lytton Strachey

[boombaard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book years ago on someone's stoop. Perhaps people were moving out, or cleaning up. I recognized Alain de Botton's name from philosophy-related TV programs I'd seen ages ago, but I had never actually read any of his work. So I thought, let's give this one a try. I put it on the shelf, then didn't touch it.. until earlier this year: I was cleaning my own apartment, found this book again, and thought by myself, let's give it back to the streets — after I finish reading it.

I love the premise of the book: everyone's worthy of a biography. I really liked the early chapters, where do you even start with telling someone's story. In the later chapters it dragged a bit for me, but that's okay.

Some sentences I marked along the way:

On different ways to structure a life:
“I began to wonder if one might arrange the part not according to the familiar chronology but by pioneering the use of the Proustian moment, following the triggers of smells, touch, sounds and sight around which the scenes of a life are crystallized.” (p. 93)

And this sharp little observation:
“Ironically, we gain the security to discover faults in others as a consequence of the very strength these faulty characters have been generous enough to grant us.” (p. 137)

On why “finished” lives are easier to narrate (but not necessarily more 'right'):
“If the purpose of biographies is to understand how people experience their lives, the dead biography misses out on an important feature — that we rarely approach our story with the certainties so easily fastened to lives when they are over.” (p. 155)

On how much we change:
“The brutal way an adult treated the teenager, a brutality made possible by a sense of radical separation, showed how a single person was really a succession of different people crowded within a deceptively continuous body.” (p. 158)

On the danger of diaries for a biographer:
“The diary is an alarming item because it threatens to be a repository of another’s most unlovable thoughts.” (p. 176)

On the clichés of travel:
“Doesn’t everyone love travel if it’s to a nice destination, the plane lands on time, the suitcases don’t get lost and the exchange rate is favourable? But who doesn’t hate travel when it involves a forced march across enemy territory…?” (p. 231)

[Federica Tommasino · Rating 2 out of 5]

La prefazione è assolutamente geniale. Dopo poche pagine mi ero già convinta che sarebbe stato il libro perfetto per recuperare la delusione dell'ultimo letto. La scrittura umoristica è condita con una serie di teorie interessanti e stimolanti che fanno da cornice alla storia... ma come dice l'autore stesso, le biografie sono noiose e nessuno vuole passare ore a leggere pagine e pagine delle sue preferenze sulla scatola dei cioccolatini, piuttosto che le risposte - con tanto di tabella completa di X - sulle domande del grado di soddisfazione dei servizi offerti dalla compagnia di volo, o il completo albero genealogico della famiglia, a partire dai nonni dei nonni.
Accusato di non capire le donne decide di stilare una lista di ben 216 pagine sui gusti in fatto di libri, dischi, cibo, sesso, davvero qualsiasi cosa, per conoscere a tutto tondo la nuova ragazza e non commettere gli stessi errori precedenti. Servirà a qualcosa oltre che a tediarci per giorni interi?
L'idea poteva essere carina, ma alla lunga il libro diventa lento e noioso e nemmeno il tono umoristico dello scrittore riesce a farmi tenere gli occhi aperti per più di 10 pagine.

[Allison Thornton · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this Alain de Botton novel, the narrator is accused of narcissism by his former girlfriend and so sets out to chronicle in painful detail the life story of the next woman who walks into his life - Isabel, a production assistant at a stationary company.

Having just seen the latest Wes Anderson film, Asteroid City, last night, I can't help but compare the two. Wes Anderson has a way of keeping his audience at a distance by crafting stunning, meticulous, aesthetically-gratifying worlds that are then inhabited by his familiar cast of characters who deliver their lines with a deadpan gravitas. de Botton's works are similarly something of an emotionless palate cleanser. His lofty language and carefully-crafted phrases are worth marveling at but they also create space between the reader and main characters, making it difficult to connect to the central plotline.

[Vireya · Rating 1 out of 5]

Tedious. The life of an ordinary 80-yr-old at least has interest because they have lived through times and changes that the reader has not. But someone in their 20s? A "biography" of an ordinary person in their 20s is never going to be interesting other than to themselves. The "biographer" in this book was a pain in the neck, and Isabel should have dumped him in the first chapter. I didn't need to get to the end of the book to realise that his previous girlfriend was correct, he had no empathy or understanding.

Maybe the digressions on the nature of biography were more interesting, but then they were non-fiction rather than a novel.

If I'd had another audiobook available to listen to this book would be on my "abandoned" shelf.

[JanGlen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a mock biography, complete with an index, family tree and photographs.
The narrator is accused by a former girlfriend of lacking empathy and decides to counter this by writing a biography of the next person he meets. So we have Isabel Rogers who, unsurprisingly, becomes his girlfriend but about whom we learn very little of consequence - the focus being on the minutiae of life that generally gets ignored in standard biographies.
Added to this, the biographical information on Isobel is well and truly subsumed by the narrator's lengthy musings on the nature of biography and human behaviour.
It's amusing enough and does lead the reader to think about the extent to which we can really understand another person, but at times it also gets a bit tedious.

[Jarin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really only read this book because I was camping and had nothing else to do.
Following the story of a man who writes a biography of the woman he is seeing as he gets to know her, this book was intriguing, well written, witty and thoughtful and I really didn’t appreciate any of it.
Though there was a lot of deeply philosophical concepts and space for self reflection, I simply could not get past a) the jargon and convoluted sentences (the first sentence is quite literally a paragraph long) b) the general unlikeable character of the narrator, I understood he was doing his best but generally he was in fact too self-absorbed to be a good partner, I understand how that was the point but I found him to be simply a bit of an ass.

[Laura Watt · Rating 5 out of 5]

having read the Proust book, I had to try some of de Botton's fiction - and was rewarded for my efforts. This book completely delighted me, perhaps partly because the way some British writers exert a mystical charm through their words. After being castigated for lacking empathy, the narrator decides to write a biography of the next person he meets, who happens to be a girl at a party, who he also eventually starts dating. The book consists of trying to sort through the details of her life, and becomes a wry discussion of how the essence of a person emerges (or doesn't) from those details. Very fun and highly recommended. (8/98)

[Tony Lawrence]

A biography or an 'unknown' person, an acquaintance of the author ... looks interesting.

This is a typical Botton book, full of clever insights and ‘pop’ philosophy for the layman! However, he has changed his MO and written a novel pretending to be a biography! Botton takes a comment from an ex-girlfriend about his lack of empathy as a challenge to fully ‘understand’ her by writing her biography, and by-and-by, decide what it means to explore and document a life from a lot of different perspectives. I enjoyed this, but again typical of Botton, best to try and ingest in small chapter-sized chunks.