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Demaris Protocol
** NEW EDITION COMING JUNE 9, 2025***
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...
- GenresM M Romance
350 pages, Out of Print
First published January 1, 2017
9 people are currently reading
39 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
June 8, 2025
OMG this book.
It was such a ride!
Ever since the release of the cover I had this book on my radar. I have a screenshot of it dated November 2024.
This book is the sole reason why I signed up for GRR to read it sooner.
So it was under a lot of pressure and it didn’t disappoint in the slightest!
I’m not even sure where to begin…
The book is mostly set in 1992. The CIA recruits a civilian to have leverage on a Czech nuclear scientist.
You have to take the term “recruits” here loosely.
Basically Trey is kidnapped, physically and mentally pressured into giving in to their demands and then trained over several weeks to take part in the OP.
Along the way he forms a bond with his CIA agent Rick.
I was born in 1992. So everything that happens in the time is historical for me. I learned about a few things but it was an amazing but sad dive into queer history.
The story is based on true events. The author talks about it in his afterword and basically he was Trey. “Based on” can mean a lot of things and it all reads a lot like pure fiction but to know that there’s a bit of truth behind it makes the book even more amazing! It makes me a bit paranoid though.
The book is a bit long but very detailed and never not once I had the feeling that it dragged or that something could’ve been skipped.
There are many psychological aspects through the story. It is very complex on how humans react in certain situations. Not only the MCs but also the people around them. The author did amazing capturing and explaining all that!
The book isn’t a romance. Trey and Rick form a romantic bond and become lovers. But their relationship isn’t the focus in the book. Some of it is essential for Trey’s development and maybe also for how Rick handled things.
The book made me feel a lot. My heart bloomed, I cried, I cursed, I rolled my eyes, I hated, and I was afraid.
I read the last sentence and stared at the wall for half an hour because I had to comprehend and get over what I read.
As a German I… uh… might have a few annotations regarding the German phrases in the book, but please don’t judge my English, so I’ll shut my mouth.
I recommend this book to anyone who reads queer fiction and who likes thrillers. It is absolutely amazing!
It was such a ride!
Ever since the release of the cover I had this book on my radar. I have a screenshot of it dated November 2024.
This book is the sole reason why I signed up for GRR to read it sooner.
So it was under a lot of pressure and it didn’t disappoint in the slightest!
I’m not even sure where to begin…
The book is mostly set in 1992. The CIA recruits a civilian to have leverage on a Czech nuclear scientist.
You have to take the term “recruits” here loosely.
Basically Trey is kidnapped, physically and mentally pressured into giving in to their demands and then trained over several weeks to take part in the OP.
Along the way he forms a bond with his CIA agent Rick.
I was born in 1992. So everything that happens in the time is historical for me. I learned about a few things but it was an amazing but sad dive into queer history.
The story is based on true events. The author talks about it in his afterword and basically he was Trey. “Based on” can mean a lot of things and it all reads a lot like pure fiction but to know that there’s a bit of truth behind it makes the book even more amazing! It makes me a bit paranoid though.
The book is a bit long but very detailed and never not once I had the feeling that it dragged or that something could’ve been skipped.
There are many psychological aspects through the story. It is very complex on how humans react in certain situations. Not only the MCs but also the people around them. The author did amazing capturing and explaining all that!
The book isn’t a romance. Trey and Rick form a romantic bond and become lovers. But their relationship isn’t the focus in the book. Some of it is essential for Trey’s development and maybe also for how Rick handled things.
The book made me feel a lot. My heart bloomed, I cried, I cursed, I rolled my eyes, I hated, and I was afraid.
I read the last sentence and stared at the wall for half an hour because I had to comprehend and get over what I read.
As a German I… uh… might have a few annotations regarding the German phrases in the book, but please don’t judge my English, so I’ll shut my mouth.
I recommend this book to anyone who reads queer fiction and who likes thrillers. It is absolutely amazing!
March 21, 2025
A quick note: This review may move. I’m not sure this will be the book’s listing closer to its release date. I can’t find anything else, but that could change.
I have been reading this book in pieces for a while now. I was going to wait to read it until closer to the release date, but I figured if they didn’t want extremely early reviews, they wouldn’t have put the ARCs out. So, when I’ve been able (and not raging fucking pissed or bawling my eyeballs out at the shitty parts of the story) I’ve chipped away at it. It’s not that it’s long, it’s that I’m a weenie and needed to take many “emotional damage” breaks.
And today, with ~book panic~ and depression eating at me, I sucked it up, threw on my grown-ass-adult pants, and finished the last 12%.
I loved it. Even the parts that made me angry and confused and hurt and upset and raw and breathless… every part was fantastic. It’s been a very long time since I indulged in something other than a romance, and while there is a hint of it here, this is for sure a suspense thriller with sex and feelings as garnish.
And for all the folx who are going to whine that there’s no way this could’ve happened: lol just don’t. Do not act like our shitty ass governments wouldn’t treat people this way. All of them. Mostly the States, but I mean, come on.
I’d love more, but even if it gets left here, I could imagine a whole lot of shit to keep it going in my brain. It was absolutely gripping and I am so fucking glad I took a chance on it.
4.75/5. Damn. Good fucking soup. Excellent soup. Compelling soup.
(—I received an ARC from Gay Romance Reviews (GRR). All ratings, reviews, and opinions are my own.—)
I have been reading this book in pieces for a while now. I was going to wait to read it until closer to the release date, but I figured if they didn’t want extremely early reviews, they wouldn’t have put the ARCs out. So, when I’ve been able (and not raging fucking pissed or bawling my eyeballs out at the shitty parts of the story) I’ve chipped away at it. It’s not that it’s long, it’s that I’m a weenie and needed to take many “emotional damage” breaks.
And today, with ~book panic~ and depression eating at me, I sucked it up, threw on my grown-ass-adult pants, and finished the last 12%.
I loved it. Even the parts that made me angry and confused and hurt and upset and raw and breathless… every part was fantastic. It’s been a very long time since I indulged in something other than a romance, and while there is a hint of it here, this is for sure a suspense thriller with sex and feelings as garnish.
And for all the folx who are going to whine that there’s no way this could’ve happened: lol just don’t. Do not act like our shitty ass governments wouldn’t treat people this way. All of them. Mostly the States, but I mean, come on.
I’d love more, but even if it gets left here, I could imagine a whole lot of shit to keep it going in my brain. It was absolutely gripping and I am so fucking glad I took a chance on it.
4.75/5. Damn. Good fucking soup. Excellent soup. Compelling soup.
(—I received an ARC from Gay Romance Reviews (GRR). All ratings, reviews, and opinions are my own.—)
June 7, 2025
4.75/5 ⭐
Demaris: Protocol is a debut novel by Brian David Randall. Here’s what you can expect from this book:
🔎 Action, adventure, and thriller with elements of romance
🔎 Third person multiple points of view
🔎 Unconventional ending that is true to the author’s lived experience
🔎 Set in 1992
🔎 Some open door spice
🔎 CIA spy thriller
🔎 Draws upon author’s ten years in Washington, D.C. and the unusual circumstances of his coming out
🔎 Trauma bonding
Ensure you review the content and trigger warnings to decide if this book is right for you. Note that this list of warnings and triggers may be incomplete. Please take care of yourself while reading.
This is one of the most interesting stories I’ve read in recent memory, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever read before. When I read the blurb for this one, I knew I had to take a chance on it. The only genre I love reading more than romance is action/thrillers, and this was a great blend of both. This book features civilian Trey Carter, a character that’s deeply closeted and carries a mountain of religious trauma, and his CIA handler, Special Officer Rick Morgan.
I definitely don’t want to give too much away with this one! There are a lot of moving pieces, and although the story is primarily told from Trey and Rick’s points of views, we also get snippets told from Rick’s colleagues, his superiors at Langley, and the villain of the story, Ivan. I absolutely loved the spy games and political thriller elements that were at play. This book is thick, coming in at just under 700 pages, but I didn’t feel like any of those pages were wasted and this story had a real grip on me as I needed to know what happened next. The really cool thing about this debut novel from Brian David Randall is it’s based on true events that took place during his ten years in Washington. If it wasn’t based on true events, I’d have a hard time believing anything like this could possibly happen. You can learn more about the effort that went into publishing this book in Brian’s note at the end of the story. I really liked Rick and Trey, and really, the entire team (even if what they’re doing in the name of global security feels very unethical). I liked getting a few snippets from Ivan’s perspective, as we learn about the events that shaped him into the dangerous nuclear engineer he is at the time of the book. The 90’s were a very different time for 2SLGBTQIA+ folks serving in the military and different branches of the government, and I think this book captures a lot of lessons that are still important today. Trey is definitely the hero in this story, and I admired his strength and courage throughout a process that was designed to tear him down (physically and psychologically) and build him back up again.
Let’s talk about the ending (with a spoiler warning, of course)! Given the events of the book and the nature of the content, I do consider this to be a happily ever after. It’s just unconventional, but it also reflects the author’s lived experience.
This was an awesome read, and if you’re looking for something a little different I highly recommend checking it out. Especially if you’re a fan of action, thrillers, and suspense! Brian does mention in his author’s note that it might become a series, and I will definitely be reading anything else he writes along these lines. I commend his courage and bravery for choosing to share his fascinating time in Washington as a work of fiction like this.
I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Gay Romance Reviews and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Demaris: Protocol is a debut novel by Brian David Randall. Here’s what you can expect from this book:
🔎 Action, adventure, and thriller with elements of romance
🔎 Third person multiple points of view
🔎 Unconventional ending that is true to the author’s lived experience
🔎 Set in 1992
🔎 Some open door spice
🔎 CIA spy thriller
🔎 Draws upon author’s ten years in Washington, D.C. and the unusual circumstances of his coming out
🔎 Trauma bonding
Ensure you review the content and trigger warnings to decide if this book is right for you. Note that this list of warnings and triggers may be incomplete. Please take care of yourself while reading.
This is one of the most interesting stories I’ve read in recent memory, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever read before. When I read the blurb for this one, I knew I had to take a chance on it. The only genre I love reading more than romance is action/thrillers, and this was a great blend of both. This book features civilian Trey Carter, a character that’s deeply closeted and carries a mountain of religious trauma, and his CIA handler, Special Officer Rick Morgan.
I definitely don’t want to give too much away with this one! There are a lot of moving pieces, and although the story is primarily told from Trey and Rick’s points of views, we also get snippets told from Rick’s colleagues, his superiors at Langley, and the villain of the story, Ivan. I absolutely loved the spy games and political thriller elements that were at play. This book is thick, coming in at just under 700 pages, but I didn’t feel like any of those pages were wasted and this story had a real grip on me as I needed to know what happened next. The really cool thing about this debut novel from Brian David Randall is it’s based on true events that took place during his ten years in Washington. If it wasn’t based on true events, I’d have a hard time believing anything like this could possibly happen. You can learn more about the effort that went into publishing this book in Brian’s note at the end of the story. I really liked Rick and Trey, and really, the entire team (even if what they’re doing in the name of global security feels very unethical). I liked getting a few snippets from Ivan’s perspective, as we learn about the events that shaped him into the dangerous nuclear engineer he is at the time of the book. The 90’s were a very different time for 2SLGBTQIA+ folks serving in the military and different branches of the government, and I think this book captures a lot of lessons that are still important today. Trey is definitely the hero in this story, and I admired his strength and courage throughout a process that was designed to tear him down (physically and psychologically) and build him back up again.
Let’s talk about the ending (with a spoiler warning, of course)! Given the events of the book and the nature of the content, I do consider this to be a happily ever after. It’s just unconventional, but it also reflects the author’s lived experience.
This was an awesome read, and if you’re looking for something a little different I highly recommend checking it out. Especially if you’re a fan of action, thrillers, and suspense! Brian does mention in his author’s note that it might become a series, and I will definitely be reading anything else he writes along these lines. I commend his courage and bravery for choosing to share his fascinating time in Washington as a work of fiction like this.
I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Gay Romance Reviews and am voluntarily leaving a review.
June 11, 2025
If you’ve watched shows like 24 and The West Wing, then you’ll find those vibes in this book. Set at the end of the Cold War, the CIA is on the hunt for a scientist that didn’t make himself known until he started reaching out to publish his work. There’s many moments of suspense and crumbs of actual history in the book. And I have to say it is a hefty read, so if you’re not into spy thrillers, you may have difficulty getting through it. But, for someone like me who’s grown up watching shows in this nature, I found it pretty enjoyable. Possibly even seeing it in a cinematic way. Definitely different from what I usually read but I’m glad I took the chance on this one.
Thanks to @demaris_protocol and @gay.romance.reviews for the review copy.
Thanks to @demaris_protocol and @gay.romance.reviews for the review copy.
June 6, 2025
I almost gave up on this book so many times. I was confused with the constant switch in pov, the side quest and the internal thoughts that was contradictory to what the character said out loud.
All I can say for certain is that while Rick felt bad for some of what he and his team put Trey through, Trey as a character was beyond strong. He lived through a religious cult of sorts, he was trying to be himself at a time he was treated as less than, then what the agency put him through to "get their man", not to mention what happens on the assignment.....
it was worth the perservance..
but the emdimg has me wondering will there be a book 2
All I can say for certain is that while Rick felt bad for some of what he and his team put Trey through, Trey as a character was beyond strong. He lived through a religious cult of sorts, he was trying to be himself at a time he was treated as less than, then what the agency put him through to "get their man", not to mention what happens on the assignment.....
it was worth the perservance..
but the emdimg has me wondering will there be a book 2
April 17, 2025
This book was everything. I didn't even realize it was based on a true story. As former military, this book broke my heart so many different times, but it also slowly put it back together. Absolutely devoured this and am excited to see what is next for this debut author.
June 13, 2025
DEMARIS: PROTOCOL
by Brian David Randall
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.75
I received an E-book ARC edition of this novel in exchange for an honest review. It is available where most books are sold.
www.amzn.com/B0F27CRHSK
www.barnesandnoble.com/w/demaris-bria...
riptidepublishing.com/products/demari...
✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
--“No one will know our story.”—
This is a 671-page Historical Suspense Thriller with MM Content. This is not your normal MM novel. I want to put that out there. I was warned before I was given the ARC. However, this story based on true events that the author experienced himself within The Agency as a civilian is something that needed to be told. Like FELLOW TRAVELER, it centers on the Queer community within the government and military and how just existing was pure danger in certain aspects of life and hiding was the only path to survival. This book should be read and studied.
--“Hold The Line.”—
The plot at the beginning seems a little jumbled. Please stick with it until around page 60. It will jump time from the 50s to the 90s back to the 80s and so forth until we land mostly permanently in 1991-1992. The puzzle will come together! Rick is a closeted gay man who works at the CIA in part of the agency not many no about. He has been surveying a target named Ivan who has a thing for very young men. When Rick and his team’s protocol just isn’t working, they swerve and ‘recruit’ Trey, a civilian, that looks way younger than he is, and is a southern Baptist closeted gay man that works for a republican politician. With 45 days to train him for his OP, time and patience are of the essence. But to start, Trey has to break-a-part to be pieced back together the way they need him. What helps it along and no one seems surprised about except for Rick is the attraction that him and Tray have of each other.
--“Fear is an entry point. Opens the door to his head. Then and only then is when our real work begins.”—
This was written beautifully!!! It reads like an autobiographical TV Show. I can’t tell you enough how impressed I am that even with its slow pace and so much detail, it really grabs your attention and makes you curious about what isn’t being fully said or given. Remember, it’s a puzzle. Google was my best friend and my worst enemy as I fell down multiple historical rabbit holes while reading to learn more. It was written in multiple POVs from the first person. It also had multiple languages, and a good bit of them were not translated into English, so I had to highlight and translate on my Kindle. It made it very authentic and real. Something else very realistic was the emotion. The fear and anxiety were very strong. It was a very tense and suspenseful story, and it truly does emote off the pages and into your own soul. Be prepared, have tissues.
--You and I will never get a star.—
The MM spice was simple in a loving manner. 1/5🌶. Most of the scenes are CUT TO BLACK scenes. But this wasn’t the main point of the story. It was used to establish the relationship between Coach & Recruit and to prepare for the main mission. What was detailed was not terribly graphic to me and could easily be skipped, but it would be a shame to miss out on a monumental time.
--“Before you and I met, you thought the world was one way. You’d watch the news, read about events, and…well, sometimes what you saw was exactly what we wanted you to see.”—
The Mission. What a journey to get there. And OH MY GOD, its so wild and so far fetch you would think, ‘This can’t be true…they couldn’t have actually done this and put queer people in that position…could they?’ It was a brutal chain of events that if you can’t handle BDSM or abuse, Physical or Sexual, it will be hard to read. It was hard for me. The way the author wrote the ending of this book, it was like he took notes from Sarah J Maas on how she writes her endings…I wanted to scream, lol! Once that snowball started rolling, there was no stopping it. The danger was real. And the ending will shock everyone.
---“Every scar has a story, Tiger.” These scars told his past, and he held a secret now that could not be shared. Nothing felt the same as he stared at his body. Nothing would ever be the same.—
The ensemble was extensive. Because there are so many moving parts to the plot, there are a lot of character interaction and development. They all had purpose for the most part. There are some details that we didn’t get a conclusive answer to, but I think that’s also the beauty of the way the author ended the novel.
--“Guys like us, if we get to serve at all…it’s different, in the shadows. Our government thinks we’re weak, that we can’t serve side by side. They don’t know any better. But the protocol gave me a second chance.”—
I truly loved this novel. Was it slightly long-winded? Yes. Was it worth it in the end? YES! The details and trajectory matter! The talent it took to write something so challenging from his own experiences and psyche while inserting details of what it was like living in the 80s & 90s as a gay men with tropes like BDSM, Dark Romance and Forbidden Love into a Suspense Thriller was pure Gold. Plus, it’s a topic that is new. Like the Lavender Scare, this is untold or lost history that needs to be made aware. Visibility is key to survival. Not hiding. Show our history so we don’t repeat it in a negative way. Being visible saves others. Even when you have to be invisible while being visible, it can still save others. That’s the whole point of this novel.
💜Happy Reading🫶
⚠️Content Warnings
Confinement, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, Weapon/Gun violence, Homophobia/Homophobic Language, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Car accident, Murder, Outing, Injury/Injury detail
**Personal Note: My 50th ARC
by Brian David Randall
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.75
I received an E-book ARC edition of this novel in exchange for an honest review. It is available where most books are sold.
www.amzn.com/B0F27CRHSK
www.barnesandnoble.com/w/demaris-bria...
riptidepublishing.com/products/demari...
✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
--“No one will know our story.”—
This is a 671-page Historical Suspense Thriller with MM Content. This is not your normal MM novel. I want to put that out there. I was warned before I was given the ARC. However, this story based on true events that the author experienced himself within The Agency as a civilian is something that needed to be told. Like FELLOW TRAVELER, it centers on the Queer community within the government and military and how just existing was pure danger in certain aspects of life and hiding was the only path to survival. This book should be read and studied.
--“Hold The Line.”—
The plot at the beginning seems a little jumbled. Please stick with it until around page 60. It will jump time from the 50s to the 90s back to the 80s and so forth until we land mostly permanently in 1991-1992. The puzzle will come together! Rick is a closeted gay man who works at the CIA in part of the agency not many no about. He has been surveying a target named Ivan who has a thing for very young men. When Rick and his team’s protocol just isn’t working, they swerve and ‘recruit’ Trey, a civilian, that looks way younger than he is, and is a southern Baptist closeted gay man that works for a republican politician. With 45 days to train him for his OP, time and patience are of the essence. But to start, Trey has to break-a-part to be pieced back together the way they need him. What helps it along and no one seems surprised about except for Rick is the attraction that him and Tray have of each other.
--“Fear is an entry point. Opens the door to his head. Then and only then is when our real work begins.”—
This was written beautifully!!! It reads like an autobiographical TV Show. I can’t tell you enough how impressed I am that even with its slow pace and so much detail, it really grabs your attention and makes you curious about what isn’t being fully said or given. Remember, it’s a puzzle. Google was my best friend and my worst enemy as I fell down multiple historical rabbit holes while reading to learn more. It was written in multiple POVs from the first person. It also had multiple languages, and a good bit of them were not translated into English, so I had to highlight and translate on my Kindle. It made it very authentic and real. Something else very realistic was the emotion. The fear and anxiety were very strong. It was a very tense and suspenseful story, and it truly does emote off the pages and into your own soul. Be prepared, have tissues.
--You and I will never get a star.—
The MM spice was simple in a loving manner. 1/5🌶. Most of the scenes are CUT TO BLACK scenes. But this wasn’t the main point of the story. It was used to establish the relationship between Coach & Recruit and to prepare for the main mission. What was detailed was not terribly graphic to me and could easily be skipped, but it would be a shame to miss out on a monumental time.
--“Before you and I met, you thought the world was one way. You’d watch the news, read about events, and…well, sometimes what you saw was exactly what we wanted you to see.”—
The Mission. What a journey to get there. And OH MY GOD, its so wild and so far fetch you would think, ‘This can’t be true…they couldn’t have actually done this and put queer people in that position…could they?’ It was a brutal chain of events that if you can’t handle BDSM or abuse, Physical or Sexual, it will be hard to read. It was hard for me. The way the author wrote the ending of this book, it was like he took notes from Sarah J Maas on how she writes her endings…I wanted to scream, lol! Once that snowball started rolling, there was no stopping it. The danger was real. And the ending will shock everyone.
---“Every scar has a story, Tiger.” These scars told his past, and he held a secret now that could not be shared. Nothing felt the same as he stared at his body. Nothing would ever be the same.—
The ensemble was extensive. Because there are so many moving parts to the plot, there are a lot of character interaction and development. They all had purpose for the most part. There are some details that we didn’t get a conclusive answer to, but I think that’s also the beauty of the way the author ended the novel.
--“Guys like us, if we get to serve at all…it’s different, in the shadows. Our government thinks we’re weak, that we can’t serve side by side. They don’t know any better. But the protocol gave me a second chance.”—
I truly loved this novel. Was it slightly long-winded? Yes. Was it worth it in the end? YES! The details and trajectory matter! The talent it took to write something so challenging from his own experiences and psyche while inserting details of what it was like living in the 80s & 90s as a gay men with tropes like BDSM, Dark Romance and Forbidden Love into a Suspense Thriller was pure Gold. Plus, it’s a topic that is new. Like the Lavender Scare, this is untold or lost history that needs to be made aware. Visibility is key to survival. Not hiding. Show our history so we don’t repeat it in a negative way. Being visible saves others. Even when you have to be invisible while being visible, it can still save others. That’s the whole point of this novel.
💜Happy Reading🫶
⚠️Content Warnings
Confinement, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Gore, Weapon/Gun violence, Homophobia/Homophobic Language, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Kidnapping, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Car accident, Murder, Outing, Injury/Injury detail
**Personal Note: My 50th ARC
January 29, 2026
Hmmmmm..........Rick Morgan is written with a level of painful honesty that made me stop more than once and sit with what I was reading. He is not positioned as a rescuer, and that choice feels deliberate and necessary. His anger toward the CIA is not performative or rhetorical. It is rooted in lived damage. You can feel that he understands exactly how the machine works because it has already worked on him. When Rick recognizes Trey’s fear, it does not come from empathy alone. It comes from recognition. Trey is not just a recruit to him. He is a reminder of a younger version of himself, standing at the edge of a line he already knows will be crossed.
What unsettled me most is that Rick’s awareness never becomes enough to stop him. He sees the harm as it unfolds, anticipates it even, and still participates. That contradiction is where the character truly exists. The novel refuses to give Rick the comfort of clean intentions. His desire to protect Trey is real, but it is compromised from the start by his continued obedience, by the small rationalizations he makes to stay inside the system. Each choice feels incremental, almost reasonable in isolation, and that is what makes the corrosion believable. There is no single moment where Rick becomes culpable. Instead, culpability accumulates.
Rick’s internal conflict between protection and desire is written with striking restraint. The book never allows that tension to be romanticized. Any pull he feels toward Trey is inseparable from the imbalance of power and the institutional framework enclosing them both. His conscience is active, but it is not decisive. Duty repeatedly wins, not because Rick believes in it, but because disobedience would require him to confront what he has already sacrificed. That internal stalemate eats away at him, and the reader can feel that erosion happening quietly, scene by scene.
What hooked me is how the novel refuses to let the reader stand above Rick morally. It does not ask us to condemn him from a safe distance. Instead, it shows how survival within a coercive system reshapes ethical boundaries until obedience feels like the only option left. Rick’s past is not backstory for sympathy. It is a warning. Seeing how closely his history mirrors Trey’s possible future creates a sense of inevitability that is deeply unsettling. The tragedy is not that Rick failed once. It is that he is still failing, slowly, knowingly, and with no clear exit. That parallel between them is one of the most devastating elements of the book, and it made Rick Morgan feel painfully real to me long after I finished reading.
So it was truly a 10 outta 10 to me, Bravo!!! to the brain behind this
What unsettled me most is that Rick’s awareness never becomes enough to stop him. He sees the harm as it unfolds, anticipates it even, and still participates. That contradiction is where the character truly exists. The novel refuses to give Rick the comfort of clean intentions. His desire to protect Trey is real, but it is compromised from the start by his continued obedience, by the small rationalizations he makes to stay inside the system. Each choice feels incremental, almost reasonable in isolation, and that is what makes the corrosion believable. There is no single moment where Rick becomes culpable. Instead, culpability accumulates.
Rick’s internal conflict between protection and desire is written with striking restraint. The book never allows that tension to be romanticized. Any pull he feels toward Trey is inseparable from the imbalance of power and the institutional framework enclosing them both. His conscience is active, but it is not decisive. Duty repeatedly wins, not because Rick believes in it, but because disobedience would require him to confront what he has already sacrificed. That internal stalemate eats away at him, and the reader can feel that erosion happening quietly, scene by scene.
What hooked me is how the novel refuses to let the reader stand above Rick morally. It does not ask us to condemn him from a safe distance. Instead, it shows how survival within a coercive system reshapes ethical boundaries until obedience feels like the only option left. Rick’s past is not backstory for sympathy. It is a warning. Seeing how closely his history mirrors Trey’s possible future creates a sense of inevitability that is deeply unsettling. The tragedy is not that Rick failed once. It is that he is still failing, slowly, knowingly, and with no clear exit. That parallel between them is one of the most devastating elements of the book, and it made Rick Morgan feel painfully real to me long after I finished reading.
So it was truly a 10 outta 10 to me, Bravo!!! to the brain behind this
June 28, 2025
This suspense thriller comes in at over 650 pages and despite its length, it captivated me. It took me a while to get into the story at first, but after that I was enthralled.
The story is based on a true story and it's incredible when you think about it.
Trey is a young gay civilian who is not out and is forcibly recruited by the CIA by being kidnapped. He is more or less blackmailed into taking part, otherwise he will be outed.
The writing style is fluid and the story is wonderfully written. It is told in the first-person perspective from the point of view of different protagonists. The pace is rather slow and there are lots of details. It's all the more surprising that I still couldn't put the book down.
There are a few time skips at the beginning, which require some concentration, but after that the story mainly takes place in the 1990s.
The CIA, specifically his instructor Rick, has 45 days to prepare Trey for a mission. It's not easy, but it helps that there is an attraction between Rick and Trey.
The emotions were brought across very realistically - I could feel the fear and anxiety right away. The story is exciting and suspenseful and it lingers - so make sure you have tissues ready!
There is a lot of interaction and I liked the development of the characters. Even if it's slow going at times, everything somehow makes sense.
If you think there's a lot of spice in the story, you're wrong. Yes, of course there are a few scenes, but the main focus of the story is elsewhere.
The way to the end was intense and not for the faint-hearted, the danger was immediately palpable. The ending was ... shocking.
Despite its length, the story was incredibly gripping. I absolutely recommend reading this page-turner!
The story is based on a true story and it's incredible when you think about it.
Trey is a young gay civilian who is not out and is forcibly recruited by the CIA by being kidnapped. He is more or less blackmailed into taking part, otherwise he will be outed.
The writing style is fluid and the story is wonderfully written. It is told in the first-person perspective from the point of view of different protagonists. The pace is rather slow and there are lots of details. It's all the more surprising that I still couldn't put the book down.
There are a few time skips at the beginning, which require some concentration, but after that the story mainly takes place in the 1990s.
The CIA, specifically his instructor Rick, has 45 days to prepare Trey for a mission. It's not easy, but it helps that there is an attraction between Rick and Trey.
The emotions were brought across very realistically - I could feel the fear and anxiety right away. The story is exciting and suspenseful and it lingers - so make sure you have tissues ready!
There is a lot of interaction and I liked the development of the characters. Even if it's slow going at times, everything somehow makes sense.
If you think there's a lot of spice in the story, you're wrong. Yes, of course there are a few scenes, but the main focus of the story is elsewhere.
The way to the end was intense and not for the faint-hearted, the danger was immediately palpable. The ending was ... shocking.
Despite its length, the story was incredibly gripping. I absolutely recommend reading this page-turner!
June 15, 2025
It took me 10 or 15 pages to adjust to the writing style, which focuses on dialogue and makes quick shifts from action to interior thoughts. But then I started to see that the style was kind of a manifestation of the protocol itself. It also kept the novel moving.
In Demaris: Protocol, a dark-ops CIA team has 40 days to turn a young closeted gay man into a civilian level 5. There is a lot of detail - very interesting detail - about the process, informed by psychology primarily. Trey, the young man just out college - Liberty University, eep - has a lot at stake if outed: he could lose his job, his parents, his friends. He is basically entrapped by the team and threatened with exposure and arrest unless he agrees to work for them. What follows is long process of vetting and training with Rick, his "coach." Rick and others keep pointing out that they don't deal with black and white situations: things are usually grey with their assignments. And this set up, the way they manipulate Trey, and Rick's relationship with Trey are all very "grey." But somehow Rick and Trey's relationship is also poignant and moving. It's easy to see that Rick, who was turned when he was outed in the military, feels acutely what Trey is going through.
I had to read more about the recruitment of gay agents and didn't find a ton, but it was interesting that several CIA reports now declassified, showed how being homosexual was seen as a liability because those individuals could be pressured by threatening to out them. They also seemed to imply that other countries create honeytraps for homosexuals, but not the US. One report essentially said such coercion is especially effective where "homosexuality is condemned" and laws against are promulgated and enforced. Sounds like a great reason never to go back to those kind of laws!
I loved reading this and the way it is written, without handholding the reader, makes you feel like you are part of the action. When they finally get to the action in Germany, I had to tell my family to leave me alone!
In Demaris: Protocol, a dark-ops CIA team has 40 days to turn a young closeted gay man into a civilian level 5. There is a lot of detail - very interesting detail - about the process, informed by psychology primarily. Trey, the young man just out college - Liberty University, eep - has a lot at stake if outed: he could lose his job, his parents, his friends. He is basically entrapped by the team and threatened with exposure and arrest unless he agrees to work for them. What follows is long process of vetting and training with Rick, his "coach." Rick and others keep pointing out that they don't deal with black and white situations: things are usually grey with their assignments. And this set up, the way they manipulate Trey, and Rick's relationship with Trey are all very "grey." But somehow Rick and Trey's relationship is also poignant and moving. It's easy to see that Rick, who was turned when he was outed in the military, feels acutely what Trey is going through.
I had to read more about the recruitment of gay agents and didn't find a ton, but it was interesting that several CIA reports now declassified, showed how being homosexual was seen as a liability because those individuals could be pressured by threatening to out them. They also seemed to imply that other countries create honeytraps for homosexuals, but not the US. One report essentially said such coercion is especially effective where "homosexuality is condemned" and laws against are promulgated and enforced. Sounds like a great reason never to go back to those kind of laws!
I loved reading this and the way it is written, without handholding the reader, makes you feel like you are part of the action. When they finally get to the action in Germany, I had to tell my family to leave me alone!
February 5, 2026
This book does not behave like entertainment. It behaves like an experience you agree to and then slowly realize you underestimated. From early on, the tone signals that this will not be comfortable reading.
The tension is not loud. It is methodical. Pages go by where nothing explosive happens, yet the unease keeps growing. As a reader, you start adjusting your expectations. You stop looking for relief and start preparing yourself instead.
What surprised me most was how the book made me physically react.
I caught myself pausing, rereading lines, and exhaling without realizing I had been holding my breath. It felt like being taken on a long psychological trip where the scenery keeps getting darker but the writing is steady enough that you trust the journey. When I finished, my first thought was wow… that was intense, but somehow I made it through and I’m grateful I did 😮💨
The tension is not loud. It is methodical. Pages go by where nothing explosive happens, yet the unease keeps growing. As a reader, you start adjusting your expectations. You stop looking for relief and start preparing yourself instead.
What surprised me most was how the book made me physically react.
I caught myself pausing, rereading lines, and exhaling without realizing I had been holding my breath. It felt like being taken on a long psychological trip where the scenery keeps getting darker but the writing is steady enough that you trust the journey. When I finished, my first thought was wow… that was intense, but somehow I made it through and I’m grateful I did 😮💨
February 5, 2026
If there were an award for calm institutional cruelty, the CIA in this book would win it. Every interaction is polite, measured, and devastating. They speak in reassurances while stripping agency line by line. I found myself laughing in disbelief at how clean the language was.
It’s always for your safety. It’s always necessary. It’s always temporary. And somehow it’s never optional.
What makes this portrayal brilliant is how familiar it feels. This is not villainy with teeth bared. This is villainy with a clipboard. Being in the community make it hit hard because the tactics felt recognizable. Smile. Reassure. Minimize. Proceed anyway. By the end, I wasn’t angry. I was impressed and disturbed by how accurately the book captured institutional harm
It’s always for your safety. It’s always necessary. It’s always temporary. And somehow it’s never optional.
What makes this portrayal brilliant is how familiar it feels. This is not villainy with teeth bared. This is villainy with a clipboard. Being in the community make it hit hard because the tactics felt recognizable. Smile. Reassure. Minimize. Proceed anyway. By the end, I wasn’t angry. I was impressed and disturbed by how accurately the book captured institutional harm
January 29, 2026
Ivan Dimitri is one of the most disturbing characters I have encountered, not because he is written as monstrous, but because he is written as formed. His early experiences aboard the submarine reveal how abuse embeds itself into identity. The repetition of “Get in, get out” reads like a survival spell, something whispered to endure the unbearable. Ivan’s later actions are never excused, but they are contextualized in a way that forces the reader to confront uncomfortable truths about cycles of harm. This is a book that understands that power does not emerge in a vacuum. It is learned. It is rehearsed. It is passed down.
June 18, 2025
Interesting contrasts and parallels between the evangelicals who want to control Trey and refuse to allow him to be himself and the control exerted by the CIA in order to get what they want. The author does an excellent job of portraying the time period and the different shades of Trey's emotional spiral. Rick is a complicated character who is hard to like at times. He feels all sorts of things for Trey and for his government employers but he also accepts there is a mission to accomplish and he has a job to do. I was totally caught up in this world with these characters and the mission and hope there is a follow-up book to show us Rick and Trey's life following the events of this story.
June 24, 2025
Fascinating and last half a page turner. Liked the relationship between Rick and Trey. Highly recommend!
November 23, 2017
I finished this book really not sure how to feel about it all - I'm definitely angry and a bit confused and after reading this, I guess I feel a little bit lucky to be 'straight' when I see how our main character Trey was treated all because he was gay. This story is based on true events with artistic license to enhance the story and even if only a small proportion of it actually happened, it's appalling.
In 1992, Trey was finally free from the oppressive, religious upbringing he had suffered for so long. He is living on his own terms but is so careful to keep his sexuality hidden until one day, after a little alcohol makes him brave and he makes a move on another man. The next thing he knows, he is blindfolded, kidnapped and is being blackmailed. He is kept hidden away, trained and conditioned into willingly working for the CIA. As long as he works for them and does whatever they tell him, then he won't be outed.
The way that Trey was treated is unbelievable and his life is no longer his own. He becomes a puppet and is placed in such dangerous and life-threatening situations. The CIA had been watching and assessing him for a very long time before he was taken and brainwashed by his captors and because they know such intimate details about his life, he feels he has no choice but do as he is told.
His 'coach' Rick becomes more to him than just the person who trains him. Rick is also gay and although he works for the CIA and is responsible for breaking Trey down, he is really in the same situation as his trainee. As a gay man, he is also exploited by his employers and as he and Trey get closer, he knows this is not a life he wants Trey to be sucked into but knows there is no way out.
By the end of the book, I had really grown to like the two main characters and feel sorry for the situation they are both locked into. I lost count of the number of times I had to pick my jaw up off the floor! There's clearly a lot more to come for these men in subsequent books and I really want to know what happens to them.
Copy received from publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Reviewed by Cheryl from Alpha Book Club
Alpha Book Club
All Alpha Males Accepted
alphabookclub.org
In 1992, Trey was finally free from the oppressive, religious upbringing he had suffered for so long. He is living on his own terms but is so careful to keep his sexuality hidden until one day, after a little alcohol makes him brave and he makes a move on another man. The next thing he knows, he is blindfolded, kidnapped and is being blackmailed. He is kept hidden away, trained and conditioned into willingly working for the CIA. As long as he works for them and does whatever they tell him, then he won't be outed.
The way that Trey was treated is unbelievable and his life is no longer his own. He becomes a puppet and is placed in such dangerous and life-threatening situations. The CIA had been watching and assessing him for a very long time before he was taken and brainwashed by his captors and because they know such intimate details about his life, he feels he has no choice but do as he is told.
His 'coach' Rick becomes more to him than just the person who trains him. Rick is also gay and although he works for the CIA and is responsible for breaking Trey down, he is really in the same situation as his trainee. As a gay man, he is also exploited by his employers and as he and Trey get closer, he knows this is not a life he wants Trey to be sucked into but knows there is no way out.
By the end of the book, I had really grown to like the two main characters and feel sorry for the situation they are both locked into. I lost count of the number of times I had to pick my jaw up off the floor! There's clearly a lot more to come for these men in subsequent books and I really want to know what happens to them.
Copy received from publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Reviewed by Cheryl from Alpha Book Club
Alpha Book Club
All Alpha Males Accepted
alphabookclub.org
July 24, 2017
A propulsive story that reads like a screenplay in parts. Lots of action, espionage and a real sense of the end of the Cold War.
June 24, 2018
funny, sexy and educational!
December 24, 2025
Rick’s character resonated with me because he represents a generation shaped by institutions that demanded total loyalty while offering very little in return. His anger does not feel random or performative. It feels earned, built over years of being used, discarded, and told that sacrifice was the price of belonging. For anyone familiar with military or intelligence culture, especially during that period, his resentment rings true.
What I appreciated most is how his protectiveness toward Trey is portrayed. It is complicated, conflicted, and never romanticized. Rick is not positioned as a flawless protector or a savior. He is someone who understands the cost of these systems because he has already paid it himself. That awareness makes his concern feel grounded, but also flawed, because care shaped by trauma is never simple.
His character reminded me of older queer men who survived harsher eras by becoming hardened, guarded, and sometimes angry. Many carried both deep compassion and deep damage at the same time. The book allows Rick to exist in that tension without trying to smooth it over or redeem him too easily. He is capable of care, but also constrained by his own wounds and the rules he still lives under.
The author’s handling of Rick feels respectful to both the character and the audience. There is no attempt to force him into a moral box. Instead, he is allowed to be complex, imperfect, and shaped by history. That honesty gives the story emotional weight and makes Rick feel like someone you might have known, someone who survived, but not without scars.
What I appreciated most is how his protectiveness toward Trey is portrayed. It is complicated, conflicted, and never romanticized. Rick is not positioned as a flawless protector or a savior. He is someone who understands the cost of these systems because he has already paid it himself. That awareness makes his concern feel grounded, but also flawed, because care shaped by trauma is never simple.
His character reminded me of older queer men who survived harsher eras by becoming hardened, guarded, and sometimes angry. Many carried both deep compassion and deep damage at the same time. The book allows Rick to exist in that tension without trying to smooth it over or redeem him too easily. He is capable of care, but also constrained by his own wounds and the rules he still lives under.
The author’s handling of Rick feels respectful to both the character and the audience. There is no attempt to force him into a moral box. Instead, he is allowed to be complex, imperfect, and shaped by history. That honesty gives the story emotional weight and makes Rick feel like someone you might have known, someone who survived, but not without scars.
December 24, 2025
This book brought back memories of growing up in a time when there was no language, no safety net, and no permission to be different. Reading Trey’s story felt like revisiting an era where being queer meant constantly editing yourself before the world could do it for you. In the late 80s and early 90s, being found out was not just uncomfortable, it could cost you your family, your faith community, your education, and your future. That quiet fear lives inside Trey in a way that feels deeply authentic.
What resonated most with me was the constant self surveillance. The way Trey is always watching his words, his body, his reactions, calculating risk in every interaction. That invisible labor of hiding is something many people from that era will recognize immediately. It is exhausting, isolating, and lonely, and the book captures that without dramatizing it. There is no spectacle here, only the slow erosion of safety that comes from never being fully at rest.
The author treats this internal struggle with care. Trey does not feel like a symbol or a lesson. He feels like a real young person shaped by his upbringing, his faith, and the limited choices available to him at the time. The story honors the quiet courage it took just to survive in that environment. It is not flashy or loud, and that restraint is exactly what makes it so powerful and human.
What resonated most with me was the constant self surveillance. The way Trey is always watching his words, his body, his reactions, calculating risk in every interaction. That invisible labor of hiding is something many people from that era will recognize immediately. It is exhausting, isolating, and lonely, and the book captures that without dramatizing it. There is no spectacle here, only the slow erosion of safety that comes from never being fully at rest.
The author treats this internal struggle with care. Trey does not feel like a symbol or a lesson. He feels like a real young person shaped by his upbringing, his faith, and the limited choices available to him at the time. The story honors the quiet courage it took just to survive in that environment. It is not flashy or loud, and that restraint is exactly what makes it so powerful and human.
July 10, 2025
This novel is a true page-turner! It's gripping, emotional, and unforgettable.
The character development is exceptional, and each character leaves a lasting impression.
I found myself completely immersed and unable to put the book down during my family's beach vacation. Based on true events, the narrative is both powerful and poignant.
Written by my close friend Brian Randall, this book is not only an outstanding read but also a deeply personal one. I am incredibly proud of him for sharing such an impactful story with the world.
The character development is exceptional, and each character leaves a lasting impression.
I found myself completely immersed and unable to put the book down during my family's beach vacation. Based on true events, the narrative is both powerful and poignant.
Written by my close friend Brian Randall, this book is not only an outstanding read but also a deeply personal one. I am incredibly proud of him for sharing such an impactful story with the world.
July 18, 2025
Amazing story
Loved this story, as difficult as it was to read at times. The author has developed rich characters and a thrilling storyline. The author’s bravery in sharing his story, no matter how much of it was fictionalized, is astounding and I’m grateful to have read this!
Loved this story, as difficult as it was to read at times. The author has developed rich characters and a thrilling storyline. The author’s bravery in sharing his story, no matter how much of it was fictionalized, is astounding and I’m grateful to have read this!
December 24, 2025
Reading this book felt like stepping back into a time when fear lived quietly inside people. The early 1990s setting immediately brought back memories of how much secrecy ruled everyday life, especially for anyone who did not fit neatly into what society approved. Trey’s internal struggle reminded me of friends who grew up religious and learned early that survival meant silence. His fear is not dramatic or exaggerated. It is small, constant, and exhausting, which made it feel painfully real. The story captures how institutions could control lives simply by threatening exposure, something that feels historically accurate to anyone who remembers that era.
Salutes to the brain behind this masterpiece.
Salutes to the brain behind this masterpiece.
June 11, 2025
This book was extremely detailed and written very well… however… this book was super hard for me to read and keep focused on. The multiple points of views was a lot to take. I started and stopping many many times.
August 23, 2025
I was a little sceptical about this book. 600 pages? Once I started reading, I found I couldn't put it down. Such a fascinating story! A great read!!
June 20, 2025
3.5⭐️
Overall, I enjoyed this. It’s an interesting look at the operant conditioning, coercion, torture, and psychological manipulation involved in breaking down a psyche to create an operative who doesn’t despise the organization and wants? is convinced? to protect the country at any cost. The Demaris Protocol is the methodology used to achieve this. Typically, the operatives are soldiers who volunteer; however, queer ones tend to be outed services members who choose this path bc they can’t have a government career otherwise.
Trey is an innocent civilian blackmailed onto Rick’s team after being set-up. His participation is voluntary. . .except for how they’ll blow up his life by outing him. Trey quickly trauma bonds with Rick and trusts him no matter what, in part due to Trey’s attraction to Rick. Trey is quick to anger and to take action, but as a sheltered twenty-year-old kid, he’s emotionally vulnerable and malleable. However, he’s also adaptable, dogged, and naturally talented.
Ryan was a marine scooped up by the CIA after he was beaten and degraded by his unit for being gay. If he wanted to continue to serve his country, the CIA would bury his sexuality as long as he was a valuable asset. With over a decade of experience, surviving the protocol, and being familiar with the unique headspace being gay has during onboarding, he does what he can to make the process less traumatic than his. However, the trauma is integral so he can only do so much.
The writing is decent; though its weaknesses frequently left me disengaged. The POV shifts and history/backstory inclusions don’t always feel smooth or organic. The writing style feels more detached than I think was intended. The emotions that the characters’ personalities and experiences are supposed to elicit are muted if not absent quite a few times. It’s sad to see Trey go through the process, but often it’s in a removed way. Part of this is the cold calculation, disregard, and clinical nature of the protocol, which is the majority of the book. No matter how much praise Trey received from passing his tests or how fun an outing, it was always attached to Demaris, and Trey was being manipulated in one way or another.
Another, is that the dialogue and inner monologues/emotions often feel unnatural and disjointed. The prose is also sometimes stiff, especially with the story immersed in historical political conflict that needs explanation. All this combined meant I’d get kicked out of any connection I made. It was like listening to someone give a report—an in-depth, interesting and harrowing one—but a report nonetheless.
Overall, I enjoyed this. It’s an interesting look at the operant conditioning, coercion, torture, and psychological manipulation involved in breaking down a psyche to create an operative who doesn’t despise the organization and wants? is convinced? to protect the country at any cost. The Demaris Protocol is the methodology used to achieve this. Typically, the operatives are soldiers who volunteer; however, queer ones tend to be outed services members who choose this path bc they can’t have a government career otherwise.
Trey is an innocent civilian blackmailed onto Rick’s team after being set-up. His participation is voluntary. . .except for how they’ll blow up his life by outing him. Trey quickly trauma bonds with Rick and trusts him no matter what, in part due to Trey’s attraction to Rick. Trey is quick to anger and to take action, but as a sheltered twenty-year-old kid, he’s emotionally vulnerable and malleable. However, he’s also adaptable, dogged, and naturally talented.
Ryan was a marine scooped up by the CIA after he was beaten and degraded by his unit for being gay. If he wanted to continue to serve his country, the CIA would bury his sexuality as long as he was a valuable asset. With over a decade of experience, surviving the protocol, and being familiar with the unique headspace being gay has during onboarding, he does what he can to make the process less traumatic than his. However, the trauma is integral so he can only do so much.
The writing is decent; though its weaknesses frequently left me disengaged. The POV shifts and history/backstory inclusions don’t always feel smooth or organic. The writing style feels more detached than I think was intended. The emotions that the characters’ personalities and experiences are supposed to elicit are muted if not absent quite a few times. It’s sad to see Trey go through the process, but often it’s in a removed way. Part of this is the cold calculation, disregard, and clinical nature of the protocol, which is the majority of the book. No matter how much praise Trey received from passing his tests or how fun an outing, it was always attached to Demaris, and Trey was being manipulated in one way or another.
Another, is that the dialogue and inner monologues/emotions often feel unnatural and disjointed. The prose is also sometimes stiff, especially with the story immersed in historical political conflict that needs explanation. All this combined meant I’d get kicked out of any connection I made. It was like listening to someone give a report—an in-depth, interesting and harrowing one—but a report nonetheless.
June 13, 2025
I rarely read suspense and intrigue, but the blurb sounded interesting so I took a chance. I am so glad I did. This is a long book, over 650pages, but I couldn’t put it down except to sleep once I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I lived through the times in this book, I remember the names and events of the summer of 1992, those in the military outed with their names in headlines, the talk of Ross Perot, and the concerns around Russian scientists in the Cold War Era, and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that our government would be beyond using gay civilians and training them as agents for critical missions.
This story, based on a true one, drew me in and kept me riveted from the set-up of Trey to the final day in his assignment with Ivan. I may not agree with the methods used, to essentially blackmail someone into “volunteering”, but also understand the necessity in certain situations. Trey and Rick had certain “characteristics” that couldn’t be acknowledged since gays weren’t allowed to serve in the military, but those same things could be useful to get to certain people for information, and using it was advantageous even though not officially condoned. I felt that much of the training that Trey went through was probably very realistic and he must have been a unique young man to progress so quickly and at such a high level.
I do wonder what happened between Rick and Trey, if anything, once the mission was completed, and was Trey involved in any other missions afterwards that might show up in a subsequent book (a book two was hinted at), or did he move on to a more “normal” life once the mission was done. Irregardless of the answer to those questions, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who lived through and remembers those times or is curious about them and wants a peek at the operations behind the scenes to protect the security of the country.
I received an advance copy of this book and this is my voluntary review.
This story, based on a true one, drew me in and kept me riveted from the set-up of Trey to the final day in his assignment with Ivan. I may not agree with the methods used, to essentially blackmail someone into “volunteering”, but also understand the necessity in certain situations. Trey and Rick had certain “characteristics” that couldn’t be acknowledged since gays weren’t allowed to serve in the military, but those same things could be useful to get to certain people for information, and using it was advantageous even though not officially condoned. I felt that much of the training that Trey went through was probably very realistic and he must have been a unique young man to progress so quickly and at such a high level.
I do wonder what happened between Rick and Trey, if anything, once the mission was completed, and was Trey involved in any other missions afterwards that might show up in a subsequent book (a book two was hinted at), or did he move on to a more “normal” life once the mission was done. Irregardless of the answer to those questions, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who lived through and remembers those times or is curious about them and wants a peek at the operations behind the scenes to protect the security of the country.
I received an advance copy of this book and this is my voluntary review.
May 26, 2025
This is a new author to me and it is a book I thought from reading the advances would interest me more.
I have to give the author a great big plus for detail and development of the plot but it also makes the book longer and more difficult to read. I gave up reading more than once, thinking I could not finish it but I did.
I get confused by a bit of information at the end. I gather Trey is a fictional character based on the author as is his protector in the final stages in Germany. The story ends without the hoped for HEA although from the notes at the end it seems that might have happened years later.
I received this as an ARC with the promise of an honest review. As such I have tried to see the author in another book and think he has potential but develop the characters more and keep drawn out detail to a minimum.
I have to give the author a great big plus for detail and development of the plot but it also makes the book longer and more difficult to read. I gave up reading more than once, thinking I could not finish it but I did.
I get confused by a bit of information at the end. I gather Trey is a fictional character based on the author as is his protector in the final stages in Germany. The story ends without the hoped for HEA although from the notes at the end it seems that might have happened years later.
I received this as an ARC with the promise of an honest review. As such I have tried to see the author in another book and think he has potential but develop the characters more and keep drawn out detail to a minimum.
February 4, 2026
What struck me most about this book is how firmly it feels rooted in real historical existence. It does not read like speculative fiction. It reads like something that could have happened quietly, efficiently, and without record. The Cold War era backdrop is not decorative. It carries the weight of a world where secrecy was currency and fear justified almost anything. As I read, I kept thinking this does not feel imagined. This feels inherited.
The book captures that particular historical moment when systems built for war did not simply disappear, but repurposed themselves. Old protocols found new targets. Old fears found new language. Reading it felt like brushing up against a shadow archive of history, the kind that never makes it into textbooks. The realization that this story fits so easily into known patterns of the past was chilling
The book captures that particular historical moment when systems built for war did not simply disappear, but repurposed themselves. Old protocols found new targets. Old fears found new language. Reading it felt like brushing up against a shadow archive of history, the kind that never makes it into textbooks. The realization that this story fits so easily into known patterns of the past was chilling
June 9, 2025
Where do I start---I was expecting a thriller and love story book and that was not this book. It was so different from any book I have ever read. Set in the 1990s with closeted gay man, Trey, is recruited (ie. kidnapped) as a civilian to work for the CIA or he would be outed. Along this path he meets his handler Rick and slowly they become lovers. If the author had not shared that this book is based on a true story, I might have not believed it. My emotions were all over the board and even though a long detailed book I read it quickly it was so engaging. A wonderful reminder of experiences of LGBT and their love/hate relationship with the military. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Prepared to be moved for sure. Outstanding! I did receive an ARC and leave this honest review.
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