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Even in Our Darkness: A Story of Beauty in a Broken Life
Where is God when the story of your life falls apart?
"On the morning of December 31, 2000, I watched a white, cardboard coffin travel up a conveyor belt into the belly of a Boeing 757, along with the other baggage. The body in that coffin had belonged to my son. But he had loaned it out once too often."
So begins the memoir of Jack Deere, born in a rural Texas town east of Forth Worth who rises from poverty and obscurity to become a professor, pastor, and bestselling author only to have his future unravel with the tragic loss of his son. A modern-day story of Job, Deere weaves glimpses of God's surprising and unexpected beauty throughout his experiences of suffering and loss. From the suicide of his father and son to the disintegration of his marriage and his wife's battle with alcoholism, Deere writes honestly about his own struggles with sin, selfishness, and pride as he walks through "tragedies no one should endure." Through suffering and pain we learn what it means to have friendship with God - as God makes sense of our broken stories, rewriting them into something beautiful.
In Even in Our Darkness, Deere helps readers see the beauty of God through his unconditional love for us as he brings harmony to our broken stories of darkness and destruction.
"On the morning of December 31, 2000, I watched a white, cardboard coffin travel up a conveyor belt into the belly of a Boeing 757, along with the other baggage. The body in that coffin had belonged to my son. But he had loaned it out once too often."
So begins the memoir of Jack Deere, born in a rural Texas town east of Forth Worth who rises from poverty and obscurity to become a professor, pastor, and bestselling author only to have his future unravel with the tragic loss of his son. A modern-day story of Job, Deere weaves glimpses of God's surprising and unexpected beauty throughout his experiences of suffering and loss. From the suicide of his father and son to the disintegration of his marriage and his wife's battle with alcoholism, Deere writes honestly about his own struggles with sin, selfishness, and pride as he walks through "tragedies no one should endure." Through suffering and pain we learn what it means to have friendship with God - as God makes sense of our broken stories, rewriting them into something beautiful.
In Even in Our Darkness, Deere helps readers see the beauty of God through his unconditional love for us as he brings harmony to our broken stories of darkness and destruction.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2018
153 people are currently reading
1309 people want to read
About the author
Jack Deere
34 books74 followersJack Deere, formerly an associate professor of Old Testament at Dallas Theological Seminary, is a writer and lecturer who speaks throughout the world on the gifts of the Holy Spirit. He is the author of the bestselling book Surprised by the Power of the Spirit. Follow Jack on Facebook at www.facebook.com/authorJackDeere.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
February 12, 2018
I'm not even quite sure how to write a review of this book. First off, I think it's definitely worth reading. It's well written - moves along quickly with engaging stories. And it's a brutally honest book, which can be hard to find from a former seminary professor and popular speaker/author. I've benefited form Deere's other books (Surprised by the Spirit), so I looked forward to reading his memoir. But my gosh there is so much pain in this book (thus the 4 starts). Pain in his upbringing, in his journey of growth as a Christian, in his love won and lost, in his ministry, in his parenting, in his marriage. It is hard to read, but the ending is worth it. To come a place where one is fully loved is a beautiful thing to read.
January 9, 2020
I haven't kept up with Deere since reading his "Surprised by the Power of the Spirit" in my early twenties, but even those who had likely had no idea the turmoil going on behind the public ministry. At times I felt he was over-sharing. The book is "messy" in that regard. But that's kind of the point. At times I did not feel his transparency was appropriate, but about 20 pages from the end, I felt ministered to by it. The point isn't what I would've done differently or who or what he shouldn't have aligned himself with -- the "Kansas City Prophets," anyone? -- but that through his pain and depression, the Lord was still there. I can rejoice in that. Because I can identify with that. A lot of times we don't learn stuff like this about public leaders until long after they're gone, so I'm appreciative and a bit in awe he'd share it now when it could still cost him. I think that was kind of the point. Not for the fainthearted, but also very much for the fainthearted. Let the reader understand.
March 9, 2018
There are many reasons why Jack Deere is my favorite author and teacher. Jack lives life as it really is and receives deep satisfaction in pursuing friendship with Jesus in spite of the deeply disappointing realities of his life on this planet. He encourages me in this pursuit. There really is joy to be found in this life but it's not always pretty. It's excruciatingly hard and ugly at times. This book is a look behind the scenes of a man I deeply admire and even more so after reading his book. He is truly unique. Jack is not afraid to face difficult issues in theology or life and he does so with honesty and transparency. He is brutally honest in this book. It will challenge you. It will disturb you. But like I mentioned before, it will also encourage you to pursue friendship with Jesus and live with more courage. Some passages are written so skillfully you'll want to read them again. Some passages are so raw that you'll have to stop to absorb what you've read. And you may weep as I did. But I encourage you to read this honest and gripping account of a remarkable man who has truly found beauty in a broken life.
August 29, 2021
This is possibly the most honest and genuine story I have ever read.
Deere hides nothing of himself in telling this story. His vulnerability is deeply gripping, and almost infectious. We need more people that are willing to expose their hypocrisy and sin the way Deere has done here. I need to be this person.
The book is also written fantastically. I never knew where it was gonna end up, because he never presses his opinion throughout it - he just tells the story plainly, and let’s the reader draw out what they want. Also, the use of short sentences have a real effectiveness and poetry to them.
A powerful and raw read that testifies to the Lord’s faithfulness. (Thanks Sam xx).
“He has taken an angry ten-year-old boy surrounded by presents on Christmas morning and turned him into an old man awash in gratitude for a child’s gibberish.”
Deere hides nothing of himself in telling this story. His vulnerability is deeply gripping, and almost infectious. We need more people that are willing to expose their hypocrisy and sin the way Deere has done here. I need to be this person.
The book is also written fantastically. I never knew where it was gonna end up, because he never presses his opinion throughout it - he just tells the story plainly, and let’s the reader draw out what they want. Also, the use of short sentences have a real effectiveness and poetry to them.
A powerful and raw read that testifies to the Lord’s faithfulness. (Thanks Sam xx).
“He has taken an angry ten-year-old boy surrounded by presents on Christmas morning and turned him into an old man awash in gratitude for a child’s gibberish.”
March 8, 2018
(Note:
A) I spent many hours consuming and reviewing this book as a tribute to Jack Deere, and also I think as a father myself,
I was mourning the suicide of his son.
B) I originally rated it 5 stars but lowered it to 3 stars for this reason:
Three weeks after I read the digital book as part of the so-called "launch team" whose purpose was to generate social media publicity for the book, I have no desire to read it again.
Too much pain and too little teaching that I can refer to to help me with my life. The editors in their well-meaning ignorance removed Jack's "how-tos, illustrations, teaching". Now all that is left is the story.
C) It seems to me that the publisher (Zondervan) formed launch teams whose purpose was to generate 5-star reviews.
When 5-star reviews are created before they are released to the public, then there are few negative reviews and
it generates lots of book sales. When I posted an honest but somewhat unflattering review below, I was removed from the
launch team without any explanation. As a Christian, I felt used by these other Christians.
(I purchased two printed copies. I received one free signed copy - see attached photo)
----
Question: Can we escape our generational curses?
Numbers 14. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations.’
Ezekiel 18:20 The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child.
1. This is a book about generational curses.
I do not know if even Jack Deere realizes it since he does not mention it in the book.
I used to wonder about the two contradictory Bible verses above. After reading his book, now I understand what they mean.
We are doomed to repeat the sinful patterns of our parents and grandparents.
When we are friends with God, we can mitigate or even remove completely, the curse resulting from repeating their patterns.
Jack’s father was callous and in his selfish pursuit of his career, he neglected his family.
Jack’s mother and her father did not have any love for Jack and were physically cruel to him.
They were also sexually promiscuous.
The teenage Jack resolves to put it all behind him because Christ makes us a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
However it is not so easy. He repeats his father’s patterns of callousness and to his son and wife.
I think there was a failure of communication and involvement with his son,
which is not fully brought out in the book.
The book is a journey of the suicide of Jack’s father, the conflict with cessationist Dallas Seminary,
the suicide of Jack’s son, and the childhood sexual abuse and addictions of his wife.
2. Growing up, he thinks that romantic love (“The Kiss”) will rescue him from his pit - this is the salvation that the secular world preaches.
Just like a girl dreams of a knight in shining armor who will sweep her off her feet and rescue her from her dragons.
3. During the downward spiral of his parent’s marriage and his father’s unraveling, they visit a church.
Some men from the church come and visit once, and then move on since his father does not join their church.
This is an indictment of the American church system.
Tragically there was no one in the church system who would come around and befriend an unbeliever couple - Jack's parents.
Either you join their club, or they move on.
Seeker sensitive megachurches are no different. They seem more 'accepting' of unbelievers and are modern.
However, they just want our money - the 10% tithe of our incomes. "Give to God through us", they exclaim.
4. This book is revolutionary in a spiritual way. With his earlier books,
Jack was revolutionary for embracing and propagating Charismatic Theology as a professor of the cessationist Dallas Seminary.
Why is this book revolutionary? In the secular universe, achievement and success in life is the measure of the life of a man or woman.
In the Christian universe, your measure of sinlessness is the measure of your spiritual worth.
I have never seen a pastor confess a real sin unless it was from the distant past.
The only time pastors and christian leaders confess a real sin is when they are found out,
caught and about to be punished. I don’t know if Jack Deere has confessed his major sins in this book but they are for sure,
sins to some degree.
It is no longer fashionable to wear one's Sunday Best to church. Nowadays preachers wear untucked shirts, and jeans to the pulpit.
However they still wear their Sunday Best in terms of the image or brand they convey.
Confessing your real sins will get you terminated or lowered in spiritual status.
Likewise with the congregation - 'their sins go underground'.
5. This book is remarkable for a third reason.
This book is remarkable in that ordinary people can relate to things in it. I know that I can identify with some of the things in the book.
I would say that all memoirs or autobiographies are written for the author’s glory (though few will admit to it).
For the reader to admire and adore the author’s achievements or strength of person. “Wow!”.
Christian memoirs are written to show how God chose the author “anointed” and partnered with him or her to achieve some great purpose.
Reader thinks, “Wow! This person was special”
I was suspicious when I started reading the book. But Jack Deere’s book genuinely seems to have been written to give God the glory.
The unseen wind of God moving in his circumstances was God’s hand on Deere’s life.
God’s hand is in the spotlight, not Jack Deere. The reader feels closer to God.
The reader thinks, “Wow, how great is our God! He can be accessible to me and his hand can be on my life too”. The book fulfills its purpose.
6. There is something missing in the book and if I could ask Deere one question:
I did not see even one mention of the correction, spanking, punishment of the believer by God.
Where does it fit into Jack’s theology? I wonder if growing up, he felt only punishment and no love from his mother, father and grandfather,
so that his book is all about the love of God, and none of the correction.
7. On a positive note, what I find great about this book is that it tells us that God is accessible to all of us.
We do not need to be great men or pastors or theologians like Jack was.
This book is also a warning from another's mistakes - we must parent with our presence
8. There is a warning for those of us who are parents.
As I see it, Jack did not give Scott his presence.
Scott is molested by a church worker in John Wimber’s church - Wimber was the founder of the Vineyard/Jesus movement!
(It is a strange thing to read of the power of God manifest in their church, yet such sin).
Parenting with your presence involves sacrifice.
I don't know why, but it appears that the Duartes were more Scott's parents than Jack was.
Scott lived with them for over an year and they paid for his college.
Jack Deere's involvement with his son seems to have been limited to hunting in Montana.
Why not schoolwork or learning a trade together or living with him?
It is easy to diagnose from a distance (and may seem unfair) and to comment on other's lives.
But I am thankful that Jack Deere has laid out his life for us to learn from.
If anything, it makes me resolve to parent with my presence.
9. If I have a criticism of the book;
The picture I have in mind of a jagged piece of wood with saw cuts and chisel holes.
Abrasive peaks and shadowy depths. The original book was like this.
Then his journalist son edited it and it became like someone who pours glue on the piece of wood.
When it dries, the sharp edges become smooth, the valleys are filled. It is polished.
And we have lost our view of the roughness and true persona of the author.
Important request to Zondervan (publisher of Even In Our Darkness):
In author Jack Deere's interview to Publisher's Weekly, (Feb 13, 2018), "[Deere] had trouble just telling the story. He wanted to add lessons and how-tos and applications to his tale. Deere’s journalist son Stephen and Zondervan editor John Sloan helped edit out the teaching and stick to the story, Deere said."
The teaching that you removed, is important to Christians.
We want to understand what the Bible teaches on the topics the book wrestles with.
The Holy Spirit, Suffering, God's Will, God's Power. Deere is a theologian and will have plenty to teach on these.
Can you please repackage the parts that you edited out, into an appendix of Question and Answer format? If it is too late to add to the print copy, then please make the appendix available as a bonus download from the book's website.
Otherwise the book reads like a well written newspaper article - a gripping read, but without teaching that we can use in our lives, becomes forgettable after a few weeks. .
10. Almost no mention of Jack's mother after he was 15 even though he stayed at home while attending TCU in Ft. Worth.
It is almost as if chunks were edited out. His mother bought a 3 bedroom house but we later read that he was in a mobile home.
What happened in between?
11. The clash between charismatic and cessationist theology cost Jack Deere his job, his church, and his friends.
Why doesn't God speak more clearly or divinely to people telling them the correct interpretation of a passage of scripture?
From my geography book as a child,
a cartoon diagram of the earth with 4 persons standing at opposite diameters, N,S,W,E each of them thinks they are up.
When we were newlyweds in India, an elder from our church,
Alex Kurian, a PhD graduate of Dallas Seminary invited us to tea in Bangalore.
I asked him my question, and he could not answer adequately.
A Jewish acquaintance scornfully remarked to me (when I shared the gospel) that Christianity has split into 3,000 religions.
12. Gun lovers may not like this, but a gun has so much destructive power and so easy to pull the trigger. If the Deere family did not own guns perhaps they would not have had double tragedies. I read that suicide and adultery travels down generations. It may be good for the Deere family to have a pact to get rid of their guns for the sake of their kids and grandkids, nephews and nieces, so that killing oneself with a gun will not be an easy option.
A) I spent many hours consuming and reviewing this book as a tribute to Jack Deere, and also I think as a father myself,
I was mourning the suicide of his son.
B) I originally rated it 5 stars but lowered it to 3 stars for this reason:
Three weeks after I read the digital book as part of the so-called "launch team" whose purpose was to generate social media publicity for the book, I have no desire to read it again.
Too much pain and too little teaching that I can refer to to help me with my life. The editors in their well-meaning ignorance removed Jack's "how-tos, illustrations, teaching". Now all that is left is the story.
C) It seems to me that the publisher (Zondervan) formed launch teams whose purpose was to generate 5-star reviews.
When 5-star reviews are created before they are released to the public, then there are few negative reviews and
it generates lots of book sales. When I posted an honest but somewhat unflattering review below, I was removed from the
launch team without any explanation. As a Christian, I felt used by these other Christians.
(I purchased two printed copies. I received one free signed copy - see attached photo)
----
Question: Can we escape our generational curses?
Numbers 14. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations.’
Ezekiel 18:20 The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child.
1. This is a book about generational curses.
I do not know if even Jack Deere realizes it since he does not mention it in the book.
I used to wonder about the two contradictory Bible verses above. After reading his book, now I understand what they mean.
We are doomed to repeat the sinful patterns of our parents and grandparents.
When we are friends with God, we can mitigate or even remove completely, the curse resulting from repeating their patterns.
Jack’s father was callous and in his selfish pursuit of his career, he neglected his family.
Jack’s mother and her father did not have any love for Jack and were physically cruel to him.
They were also sexually promiscuous.
The teenage Jack resolves to put it all behind him because Christ makes us a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
However it is not so easy. He repeats his father’s patterns of callousness and to his son and wife.
I think there was a failure of communication and involvement with his son,
which is not fully brought out in the book.
The book is a journey of the suicide of Jack’s father, the conflict with cessationist Dallas Seminary,
the suicide of Jack’s son, and the childhood sexual abuse and addictions of his wife.
2. Growing up, he thinks that romantic love (“The Kiss”) will rescue him from his pit - this is the salvation that the secular world preaches.
Just like a girl dreams of a knight in shining armor who will sweep her off her feet and rescue her from her dragons.
3. During the downward spiral of his parent’s marriage and his father’s unraveling, they visit a church.
Some men from the church come and visit once, and then move on since his father does not join their church.
This is an indictment of the American church system.
Tragically there was no one in the church system who would come around and befriend an unbeliever couple - Jack's parents.
Either you join their club, or they move on.
Seeker sensitive megachurches are no different. They seem more 'accepting' of unbelievers and are modern.
However, they just want our money - the 10% tithe of our incomes. "Give to God through us", they exclaim.
4. This book is revolutionary in a spiritual way. With his earlier books,
Jack was revolutionary for embracing and propagating Charismatic Theology as a professor of the cessationist Dallas Seminary.
Why is this book revolutionary? In the secular universe, achievement and success in life is the measure of the life of a man or woman.
In the Christian universe, your measure of sinlessness is the measure of your spiritual worth.
I have never seen a pastor confess a real sin unless it was from the distant past.
The only time pastors and christian leaders confess a real sin is when they are found out,
caught and about to be punished. I don’t know if Jack Deere has confessed his major sins in this book but they are for sure,
sins to some degree.
It is no longer fashionable to wear one's Sunday Best to church. Nowadays preachers wear untucked shirts, and jeans to the pulpit.
However they still wear their Sunday Best in terms of the image or brand they convey.
Confessing your real sins will get you terminated or lowered in spiritual status.
Likewise with the congregation - 'their sins go underground'.
5. This book is remarkable for a third reason.
This book is remarkable in that ordinary people can relate to things in it. I know that I can identify with some of the things in the book.
I would say that all memoirs or autobiographies are written for the author’s glory (though few will admit to it).
For the reader to admire and adore the author’s achievements or strength of person. “Wow!”.
Christian memoirs are written to show how God chose the author “anointed” and partnered with him or her to achieve some great purpose.
Reader thinks, “Wow! This person was special”
I was suspicious when I started reading the book. But Jack Deere’s book genuinely seems to have been written to give God the glory.
The unseen wind of God moving in his circumstances was God’s hand on Deere’s life.
God’s hand is in the spotlight, not Jack Deere. The reader feels closer to God.
The reader thinks, “Wow, how great is our God! He can be accessible to me and his hand can be on my life too”. The book fulfills its purpose.
6. There is something missing in the book and if I could ask Deere one question:
I did not see even one mention of the correction, spanking, punishment of the believer by God.
Where does it fit into Jack’s theology? I wonder if growing up, he felt only punishment and no love from his mother, father and grandfather,
so that his book is all about the love of God, and none of the correction.
7. On a positive note, what I find great about this book is that it tells us that God is accessible to all of us.
We do not need to be great men or pastors or theologians like Jack was.
This book is also a warning from another's mistakes - we must parent with our presence
8. There is a warning for those of us who are parents.
As I see it, Jack did not give Scott his presence.
Scott is molested by a church worker in John Wimber’s church - Wimber was the founder of the Vineyard/Jesus movement!
(It is a strange thing to read of the power of God manifest in their church, yet such sin).
Parenting with your presence involves sacrifice.
I don't know why, but it appears that the Duartes were more Scott's parents than Jack was.
Scott lived with them for over an year and they paid for his college.
Jack Deere's involvement with his son seems to have been limited to hunting in Montana.
Why not schoolwork or learning a trade together or living with him?
It is easy to diagnose from a distance (and may seem unfair) and to comment on other's lives.
But I am thankful that Jack Deere has laid out his life for us to learn from.
If anything, it makes me resolve to parent with my presence.
9. If I have a criticism of the book;
The picture I have in mind of a jagged piece of wood with saw cuts and chisel holes.
Abrasive peaks and shadowy depths. The original book was like this.
Then his journalist son edited it and it became like someone who pours glue on the piece of wood.
When it dries, the sharp edges become smooth, the valleys are filled. It is polished.
And we have lost our view of the roughness and true persona of the author.
Important request to Zondervan (publisher of Even In Our Darkness):
In author Jack Deere's interview to Publisher's Weekly, (Feb 13, 2018), "[Deere] had trouble just telling the story. He wanted to add lessons and how-tos and applications to his tale. Deere’s journalist son Stephen and Zondervan editor John Sloan helped edit out the teaching and stick to the story, Deere said."
The teaching that you removed, is important to Christians.
We want to understand what the Bible teaches on the topics the book wrestles with.
The Holy Spirit, Suffering, God's Will, God's Power. Deere is a theologian and will have plenty to teach on these.
Can you please repackage the parts that you edited out, into an appendix of Question and Answer format? If it is too late to add to the print copy, then please make the appendix available as a bonus download from the book's website.
Otherwise the book reads like a well written newspaper article - a gripping read, but without teaching that we can use in our lives, becomes forgettable after a few weeks. .
10. Almost no mention of Jack's mother after he was 15 even though he stayed at home while attending TCU in Ft. Worth.
It is almost as if chunks were edited out. His mother bought a 3 bedroom house but we later read that he was in a mobile home.
What happened in between?
11. The clash between charismatic and cessationist theology cost Jack Deere his job, his church, and his friends.
Why doesn't God speak more clearly or divinely to people telling them the correct interpretation of a passage of scripture?
From my geography book as a child,
a cartoon diagram of the earth with 4 persons standing at opposite diameters, N,S,W,E each of them thinks they are up.
When we were newlyweds in India, an elder from our church,
Alex Kurian, a PhD graduate of Dallas Seminary invited us to tea in Bangalore.
I asked him my question, and he could not answer adequately.
A Jewish acquaintance scornfully remarked to me (when I shared the gospel) that Christianity has split into 3,000 religions.
12. Gun lovers may not like this, but a gun has so much destructive power and so easy to pull the trigger. If the Deere family did not own guns perhaps they would not have had double tragedies. I read that suicide and adultery travels down generations. It may be good for the Deere family to have a pact to get rid of their guns for the sake of their kids and grandkids, nephews and nieces, so that killing oneself with a gun will not be an easy option.
February 13, 2022
Haunting. Captivating. Beautifully written. I would highly recommend to anyone working in ministry as Jack honestly reveals the internal struggle often at work when you have devoted your life to telling people about God’s love. It’s an honest portrayal of the Christian life.
February 7, 2018
I loved reading Jack Deere’s memoir. But then I knew I would. I love the way Jack Deere writes ... and the things he writes about- the details he chooses to include. He has the capacity to make even the ordinary and mundane seem more poetry than prose. In this memoir, he certainly doesn’t flinch from discussing the poignant, painful moments in his life, and I think that may be what helps distinguish great memoirs from simply good ones. Very transparent, entertaining recounting of his story AND the Lord’s story in Jack’s life. I laughed out loud and I also cried! Highly recommend.
April 3, 2018
We (Bridgeway church in okc) had the pleasure of hearing Jack speak one Sunday morning and during our Convergence conference. I have been yearning for this book since hearing about it and reading a snippet at the conference. For me, this anticipation often leads to some degree of disappointment... Not this time. This books illustrates how God uses the mundane, supernatural, and everything in between to fulfill his Romans 8:28 promise 'Even in our darkness.' This is already easily in my top 3 books read, and will continue to grow the more I can process God's goodness and grace.
July 25, 2024
Holy moly. Great book.
February 6, 2018
Wow, I just finished Jack's book. The transparency, the pain, the sadness and the trauma revealed in this writing is incredible. He shares with great honesty the worst sides of "stuffing" emotion and hiding pain. Jack also points out the very real effort God makes in reaching out to all of us in our frailties and deep needs. Jack's story is one of forgiveness and grace poured out over and over. We all need to read this story and see the results of pride and wrong attitudes. Jack has also opened the door for even the elite among us to become "real" and honest about our need for Jesus healing power to constantly invade our lives; no matter how long we have been following Jesus!!! As one who lived in his Fundamentalist world and then his Third Wave world, I was glad for his clear and honest treatment of many of the "players" in those worlds!
I look forward to seeing what you all experience as you complete your journey through this incredible writing.
Bill Diggins
I look forward to seeing what you all experience as you complete your journey through this incredible writing.
Bill Diggins
May 15, 2018
Not for Me
I just thought the message of this book was misguided. A better message would have been "Choose to sin; choose to suffer." God is love, but God is also holy. Sin is serious. And sin has consequences. That was certainly evident in the book. I couldn't recommend this book to anyone. In my view, it is misleading. It does not represent God's truth accurately. That's why I rated it as I did.
I just thought the message of this book was misguided. A better message would have been "Choose to sin; choose to suffer." God is love, but God is also holy. Sin is serious. And sin has consequences. That was certainly evident in the book. I couldn't recommend this book to anyone. In my view, it is misleading. It does not represent God's truth accurately. That's why I rated it as I did.
December 16, 2018
It was at a conference in Sydney, Australia in August 2004 that I first came into contact with the theologian, speaker and writer, Jack Deere. On that occasion I was impressed and inspired by his love and knowledge of scripture; his transition from conservative evangelical cessationist to a teacher who worked and ministered at the leading edge of the charismatic movement, travelling with John Wimber, Mike Bickle, Rick Joyner and many others. I went on to read Surprised by the Power of the Spirit and from that point on Dr Deere has been a hero for me in the way he has combined Word and Spirit in his teaching and ministry. I could never have known then what he would reveal in this book, 14 years later about what was going on in his personal life at the time.
When this memoir was released earlier this year I immediately wanted to read it. The title was intriguing but I was not put off. I am at a stage in life when I have tasted enough of darkness and brokenness to be ready to face it from another person's perspective. The book is confronting and intimate, but also courageous. Those who teach, preach and exhort others; those who pray for and minister to others, sometimes feel great pressure to conceal their own pain and brokenness. But when this happens, the vast majority of us are left with the feeling that there are a few superheros of the faith to whom we will never be able to measure up, and this is not helpful. Jack Deere confesses early in the book, that he took his sin underground and 'suffered in the dark silence' (p.130). He describes some of the mistakes that he made in his pastoral and personal life, as well as some of the incredibly difficult and tragic circumstances that he encountered.
This book was inspiring and encouraging. It gave me a sense of reality and truth in a world which sometimes works hard to cover over the darkness and brokenness rather than bringing it into the light where it can be addressed. It is a story of healing and redemption at a whole-of-life level. This story gives me hope. I have learned from it.
The memoir ends with no simple solution nor a triumphant sunset, but a humble desire to see more of God's beauty, his glory and love. I want that too. Thank you Jack Deere for your courage to publish this story. I would say, 'You're still a hero to me' if I thought you were interested in such an accolade, but your recourse to Psalm 27:4 in the closing pages of the book suggests to me that there is something you would prefer. I am sure that such is a prayer the Father loves to answer.
When this memoir was released earlier this year I immediately wanted to read it. The title was intriguing but I was not put off. I am at a stage in life when I have tasted enough of darkness and brokenness to be ready to face it from another person's perspective. The book is confronting and intimate, but also courageous. Those who teach, preach and exhort others; those who pray for and minister to others, sometimes feel great pressure to conceal their own pain and brokenness. But when this happens, the vast majority of us are left with the feeling that there are a few superheros of the faith to whom we will never be able to measure up, and this is not helpful. Jack Deere confesses early in the book, that he took his sin underground and 'suffered in the dark silence' (p.130). He describes some of the mistakes that he made in his pastoral and personal life, as well as some of the incredibly difficult and tragic circumstances that he encountered.
This book was inspiring and encouraging. It gave me a sense of reality and truth in a world which sometimes works hard to cover over the darkness and brokenness rather than bringing it into the light where it can be addressed. It is a story of healing and redemption at a whole-of-life level. This story gives me hope. I have learned from it.
The memoir ends with no simple solution nor a triumphant sunset, but a humble desire to see more of God's beauty, his glory and love. I want that too. Thank you Jack Deere for your courage to publish this story. I would say, 'You're still a hero to me' if I thought you were interested in such an accolade, but your recourse to Psalm 27:4 in the closing pages of the book suggests to me that there is something you would prefer. I am sure that such is a prayer the Father loves to answer.
September 2, 2018
I found this a painful but worthwhile book to read. In a world where we so often feel that we need to project positivity to the world around us, and do so even if we are dying inside, this is a refreshing change from the norm. Life can be so tough, even for those of us who follow Jesus, and it is important that this story is told, and that we grow to understand that even in our darkness God is there.
April 8, 2021
The humility Jack Deere (and his family) shows in writing this testimony is baffling. He spared few details of the depravity he has experienced in his life laying his ego aside and baring his soul to the reader. He acknowledges throughout the story his shortcomings as a son, pastor, friend, and husband. The church needs the vulnerability that Deere has. Especially it’s leaders.
August 4, 2019
Page turner!!
December 19, 2020
3.5 stars
An intimate memoir that, while honest and frank, at times felt too revealing and personal. He does not shy away from the pain and darkness of life. But the threads of faith and the long view of a journey as a disciple of Christ made it a story worth hearing. Jack Deere had a significant impact on the maturation of my parent's faith and belief in continuationism. In a way, he's been an indirect spiritual mentor and I appreciated hearing his story.
An intimate memoir that, while honest and frank, at times felt too revealing and personal. He does not shy away from the pain and darkness of life. But the threads of faith and the long view of a journey as a disciple of Christ made it a story worth hearing. Jack Deere had a significant impact on the maturation of my parent's faith and belief in continuationism. In a way, he's been an indirect spiritual mentor and I appreciated hearing his story.
February 9, 2022
Such a heartbreaking and beautiful memoir. I was just so struck by Jack’s honesty and eloquence, and his desperate faith in the God who walked with him through the deepest darkness. Masterfully written.
July 22, 2018
Confession, I didn't actually read this one but listened to it on Audible and I don't regret the decision. Also, if you like to be surprised by people's biographies and are considering reading this book then I recommend not reading my review on this one. The nature of the narrative makes it almost impossible to review without commenting on the book's contents.
The word that comes to mind when I think about this book is "raw." The story told by Jack Deere is a very raw look into the life of a Christian theologian and pastor who struggled with very real darkness in this life. At several points in the book, I felt uncomfortable with the honesty, which we often mask as believers, and frequently thought to myself "Did he really just say that in a Christian book?" Jack Deere's experiences have a great deal of power to influence reflection in our own lives and to find meaning in difficult circumstances. If you are a person who feels like the Christian life didn't produce the results you expected then this is a book worth listening to.
What follows next is a high-level summary of the book's contents, which I recommend skipping if you want to be surprised for yourself. The first chapter and introduction to the man of Jack Deere begins with the story of his son Scott's suicide. After setting the context, Jack turns the clock back and unpacks his life as a child which contained abuse and the suicide of his own father. Jack walks through painful childhood experiences up to the point of his conversion to Christianity.
Following his conversion to Christianity, Jack discussed his time as a leader at young life and the struggles he encountered when his first mentor moved on, leaving the local young life ministry in his hands. After graduating from college jack attended Dallas Theological Seminary where he later became a professor. Littered throughout the middle section of the book are confessions of Jack's struggles with relationships and failures with sexual temptation.
Several years into his professorship at Dallas Theological Seminary, Jack became friends with a charismatic pastor by the name of John Wimber. Because John Wimber's beliefs on spirtual gifts did not adhere to a cessationist view, Jack's friendship with John Wimber came under scrutiny by the leadership at Dallas Theological Seminary. Ultimately, Jack was fired for doctrinal deviancy and relieved from his position on the staff at Dallas.
The story transitions from his removal at the seminary to the struggle his son Scott faced with drugs and addition. The remorse of a successful father who was unable to love his son enough during the years leading to his death is a point of reflection throughout the book. Following his son's death, Jack's wife experienced a nervous breakdown and herself went through a spiral of addiction to alcohol.
If the book doesn't sound uplifting...it's because it's not. Despite the darkness Jack experienced, he kept the faith and the resounding message of the book is God's faithfulness even in the midst of deep personal suffering.
This is a humbling story. A story which gives reason to pause and offer much reflection on my own life and pursuits. I highly recommend it.
The word that comes to mind when I think about this book is "raw." The story told by Jack Deere is a very raw look into the life of a Christian theologian and pastor who struggled with very real darkness in this life. At several points in the book, I felt uncomfortable with the honesty, which we often mask as believers, and frequently thought to myself "Did he really just say that in a Christian book?" Jack Deere's experiences have a great deal of power to influence reflection in our own lives and to find meaning in difficult circumstances. If you are a person who feels like the Christian life didn't produce the results you expected then this is a book worth listening to.
What follows next is a high-level summary of the book's contents, which I recommend skipping if you want to be surprised for yourself. The first chapter and introduction to the man of Jack Deere begins with the story of his son Scott's suicide. After setting the context, Jack turns the clock back and unpacks his life as a child which contained abuse and the suicide of his own father. Jack walks through painful childhood experiences up to the point of his conversion to Christianity.
Following his conversion to Christianity, Jack discussed his time as a leader at young life and the struggles he encountered when his first mentor moved on, leaving the local young life ministry in his hands. After graduating from college jack attended Dallas Theological Seminary where he later became a professor. Littered throughout the middle section of the book are confessions of Jack's struggles with relationships and failures with sexual temptation.
Several years into his professorship at Dallas Theological Seminary, Jack became friends with a charismatic pastor by the name of John Wimber. Because John Wimber's beliefs on spirtual gifts did not adhere to a cessationist view, Jack's friendship with John Wimber came under scrutiny by the leadership at Dallas Theological Seminary. Ultimately, Jack was fired for doctrinal deviancy and relieved from his position on the staff at Dallas.
The story transitions from his removal at the seminary to the struggle his son Scott faced with drugs and addition. The remorse of a successful father who was unable to love his son enough during the years leading to his death is a point of reflection throughout the book. Following his son's death, Jack's wife experienced a nervous breakdown and herself went through a spiral of addiction to alcohol.
If the book doesn't sound uplifting...it's because it's not. Despite the darkness Jack experienced, he kept the faith and the resounding message of the book is God's faithfulness even in the midst of deep personal suffering.
This is a humbling story. A story which gives reason to pause and offer much reflection on my own life and pursuits. I highly recommend it.
April 23, 2018
I was so disappointed by this book, especially in light of the fact that several authors that I really enjoy wrote positive reviews. I found Even in Our Darkness: A Story of Beauty in a Broken Life to be a story that was heavy on the darkness and lite on the beauty.
December 18, 2017
"...mostly he lived from one high to the next. We lived from one crisis to the next."
I was hooked just a few pages into this book. Thank you Jack Deere for sharing this memoir. An engaging and encouraging story of challenges in faith and life will keep you turning the pages. Charging through this narrative, readers will laugh at Jack's growth as a student, parent, and faithful servant of God.
There is also delightful (and useful) insight on being a leader in Deere's memoir. He ruminesced on the common trend where "...leaders are too busy looking ahead to see the condition of the people behind them..." Deere reflects on his own lessons in leadership during his tenure in religious organizations. Humility is a reoccurring theme and continues to be ever present in the author's life.
I will begin to utilize prayer more often in the ACTS methods, thanks to insight from Deere. Read this, then pass it on for others to enjoy.
I was hooked just a few pages into this book. Thank you Jack Deere for sharing this memoir. An engaging and encouraging story of challenges in faith and life will keep you turning the pages. Charging through this narrative, readers will laugh at Jack's growth as a student, parent, and faithful servant of God.
There is also delightful (and useful) insight on being a leader in Deere's memoir. He ruminesced on the common trend where "...leaders are too busy looking ahead to see the condition of the people behind them..." Deere reflects on his own lessons in leadership during his tenure in religious organizations. Humility is a reoccurring theme and continues to be ever present in the author's life.
I will begin to utilize prayer more often in the ACTS methods, thanks to insight from Deere. Read this, then pass it on for others to enjoy.
June 5, 2019
I kept reading the book, thinking that the writing and the way he told his story would get better, but they did not improve. There are several instances of explicit details that could have been left out because they were randomly placed in the story line and didn’t add anything but coarseness...he could have gotten his point across without them. Some of the author’s suffering was the result of living in a fallen and very broken world, yet some of his heartache, pain and suffering was a result of his own sin and repetitive poor choices and the consequences of those. Unfortunately he did not clearly articulate this. One of the most disappointing aspects of the book was that there was no deep or meaningful discussion of what God taught him, how God changed his heart; he left out details of his walk and relationship with Christ that I think would have made better connections for the reader in terms of Gods redemptive work in the lives of His children.
February 15, 2020
Beautiful. Heart-wrenching. Humbling.
April 21, 2018
"On the morning of December 31, 2000, I watched a white cardboard coffin travel up a conveyor belt into the belly of a Boeing 757, along with the other baggage. The body in that coffin had belonged to my son. But he had gambled with it once too often."
So begins Jack Deere's haunting memoir "Even in Our Darkness: A Story of Beauty in a Broken Life," which I started and finished on the same day, staying up until almost midnight to finish it. The book is that "good," and by "good" I mean "painful, thought-provoking, shocking, well-written, and finally filled with hope despite all of the pain.
Mr. Deere writes beautifully, he had taught about God and suffering for years being a pastor, seminary professor and author, but it was when he experienced his son's death (suicide...or perhaps a mistake playing Russian roulette while high) that, well...I'll let him explain:
"For decades, I had preached that the mystery of suffering would always elude our understanding. It was an easy thing to say, until the weight of that mystery crushed me. I didn’t know how to get out from under it, except to flee to the place where I grew up. So with Scott’s body in the luggage bay, I sat in the Delta Airlines 757, surrounded by strangers, hurtling south through the sky. Then a voice spoke into my shock and confusion. It was so faint, so ephemeral, that I might have made it up. Hold my hand, I thought it said. I could hardly picture that hand. But it was there, and always had been—guiding me through the rage-drenched home of my youth, thrusting a wrench into familial patterns of purposelessness and poverty, and blow by blow, destroying the illusion that I could earn the gifts it bears...And against that great vault of night, he flung stars to serve as guideposts and as a reminder that light was always pushing through the darkness."
The litany of pain and suffering that Mr. Deere and his wife experience in their lives is difficult to imagine, more less experience:
1. His father commits suicide apparently sort of out of spite for his mother, playing the song "Last Date" on repeat when he is found in his own living room.
He describes it this way: "On January 21, 1961, Dad woke to an empty house, poured whiskey in his coffee, swallowed some barbiturates, and scribbled an angry note. Sometime before noon, he walked over to the record player in front of the two windows in our living room. He put on Floyd Cramer’s “Last Date,” setting the turntable to repeat. Then he sat down on the red sofa with gold embroidery and picked up his childhood rifle. He shoved one .22-caliber shell into the chamber, pressed the muzzle between his eyes, and left a thirty-four-year-old widow with a tenth-grade education to care for his four children."
2. His wife, Leesa, is sexually abused for years by her own father—he doesn't find this out until decades of marriage have passed.
3. His mother is a volcanically angry person. He writes: "I grew up in a home that had been robbed of love by some dark power that none of us understood. I would have said that Mom loved me, but it was a conditional, volcanic love."
4. He goes to a whorehouse in Mexico to experience sex for the first time at about 16.
5. He is fired from Dallas Theological Seminary for believing (though not teaching at the school) that God can and will still work through healing, miracles, dreams, and visions.
6. He is taken in by John Wimber and the Vineyard movement, though he and Wimber have a falling out, which they eventually patch up.
7. He is forced to resign his position at a church in Texas due to his views on healing and miracles (this is probably mainly his own fault as he is by his own admission fairly arrogant (at the time) and didn't listen to his best friend who was a co-pastor).
8. He is forced to resign his position from a church in Whitefish, Montana, for basically the same reasons.
9. His son, Scott, becomes addicted to drugs and he experiences all of the ups and downs (mostly downs) of having a drug addict in the family.
10. Scott shoots himself in the head at their house in Montana one night after taking drugs and alcohol.
11. His wife, Leesa, becomes an alcoholic and his description of that whole part of their lives is cringeworthy, although he correctly (I think) blames himself for his part in this. [He is fairly tone deaf and arrogant in his approach to his marital relationship for years.]
And those are only the major points of pain! Mr. Deere writes frankly and honestly to his credit and evaluates himself and his own motives in the same manner. He says when they forced him to resign his position at his church in Dallas leaving his ex-best friend as the sole pastor, "they chose wisely."
Some examples of Mr. Deere's frankness about his own sins and weaknesses:
"Although I loved the poetry of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, I remained oblivious to its truth. People who already feel righteous don’t hunger and thirst for it."
"It didn’t seem to bother the church, or the seminary, that I hadn’t belonged to a house of worship for nine years."
"truth be told, I could not picture any room that held people with whom I could not match wits. It was the sort of invulnerability that blinded me to the wounds of others."
He is also very hard on Dallas Theological Seminary, perhaps because they fired him for his doctrinal views, but one can't help but see that perhaps Dallas is due some introspection about itself [at least at the time he was a professor there]
"At Dallas Seminary, the highest value was knowing the Bible and believing in the seminary’s interpretation of the Bible. It’s safe to say that not one faculty member at Dallas would have ever denied that a historical Jesus walked up a mountain two thousand years earlier to deliver the sermon about the blessed. But when they stood on their own mounts, some of them rewrote the Beatitudes on the hearts of their students. They traded blessed are the meek for blessed are the learned, and blessed are the poor in spirit for blessed are the pure in doctrine."
I think this last quote sums up the book fairly well as Mr. Deere surveys the pain and wreckage of his life, some of it due to his own choices, much of it not:
"Almost nothing in my life has worked out like I thought it should. I thought as I grew older, I would grow more deserving of God’s love, not less."
Amen, to that, my brother. For that is my experience also.
This is a very good book, and rarely will you get a Christian to be this frank and honest about their lives and their own sins and failures.
So begins Jack Deere's haunting memoir "Even in Our Darkness: A Story of Beauty in a Broken Life," which I started and finished on the same day, staying up until almost midnight to finish it. The book is that "good," and by "good" I mean "painful, thought-provoking, shocking, well-written, and finally filled with hope despite all of the pain.
Mr. Deere writes beautifully, he had taught about God and suffering for years being a pastor, seminary professor and author, but it was when he experienced his son's death (suicide...or perhaps a mistake playing Russian roulette while high) that, well...I'll let him explain:
"For decades, I had preached that the mystery of suffering would always elude our understanding. It was an easy thing to say, until the weight of that mystery crushed me. I didn’t know how to get out from under it, except to flee to the place where I grew up. So with Scott’s body in the luggage bay, I sat in the Delta Airlines 757, surrounded by strangers, hurtling south through the sky. Then a voice spoke into my shock and confusion. It was so faint, so ephemeral, that I might have made it up. Hold my hand, I thought it said. I could hardly picture that hand. But it was there, and always had been—guiding me through the rage-drenched home of my youth, thrusting a wrench into familial patterns of purposelessness and poverty, and blow by blow, destroying the illusion that I could earn the gifts it bears...And against that great vault of night, he flung stars to serve as guideposts and as a reminder that light was always pushing through the darkness."
The litany of pain and suffering that Mr. Deere and his wife experience in their lives is difficult to imagine, more less experience:
1. His father commits suicide apparently sort of out of spite for his mother, playing the song "Last Date" on repeat when he is found in his own living room.
He describes it this way: "On January 21, 1961, Dad woke to an empty house, poured whiskey in his coffee, swallowed some barbiturates, and scribbled an angry note. Sometime before noon, he walked over to the record player in front of the two windows in our living room. He put on Floyd Cramer’s “Last Date,” setting the turntable to repeat. Then he sat down on the red sofa with gold embroidery and picked up his childhood rifle. He shoved one .22-caliber shell into the chamber, pressed the muzzle between his eyes, and left a thirty-four-year-old widow with a tenth-grade education to care for his four children."
2. His wife, Leesa, is sexually abused for years by her own father—he doesn't find this out until decades of marriage have passed.
3. His mother is a volcanically angry person. He writes: "I grew up in a home that had been robbed of love by some dark power that none of us understood. I would have said that Mom loved me, but it was a conditional, volcanic love."
4. He goes to a whorehouse in Mexico to experience sex for the first time at about 16.
5. He is fired from Dallas Theological Seminary for believing (though not teaching at the school) that God can and will still work through healing, miracles, dreams, and visions.
6. He is taken in by John Wimber and the Vineyard movement, though he and Wimber have a falling out, which they eventually patch up.
7. He is forced to resign his position at a church in Texas due to his views on healing and miracles (this is probably mainly his own fault as he is by his own admission fairly arrogant (at the time) and didn't listen to his best friend who was a co-pastor).
8. He is forced to resign his position from a church in Whitefish, Montana, for basically the same reasons.
9. His son, Scott, becomes addicted to drugs and he experiences all of the ups and downs (mostly downs) of having a drug addict in the family.
10. Scott shoots himself in the head at their house in Montana one night after taking drugs and alcohol.
11. His wife, Leesa, becomes an alcoholic and his description of that whole part of their lives is cringeworthy, although he correctly (I think) blames himself for his part in this. [He is fairly tone deaf and arrogant in his approach to his marital relationship for years.]
And those are only the major points of pain! Mr. Deere writes frankly and honestly to his credit and evaluates himself and his own motives in the same manner. He says when they forced him to resign his position at his church in Dallas leaving his ex-best friend as the sole pastor, "they chose wisely."
Some examples of Mr. Deere's frankness about his own sins and weaknesses:
"Although I loved the poetry of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, I remained oblivious to its truth. People who already feel righteous don’t hunger and thirst for it."
"It didn’t seem to bother the church, or the seminary, that I hadn’t belonged to a house of worship for nine years."
"truth be told, I could not picture any room that held people with whom I could not match wits. It was the sort of invulnerability that blinded me to the wounds of others."
He is also very hard on Dallas Theological Seminary, perhaps because they fired him for his doctrinal views, but one can't help but see that perhaps Dallas is due some introspection about itself [at least at the time he was a professor there]
"At Dallas Seminary, the highest value was knowing the Bible and believing in the seminary’s interpretation of the Bible. It’s safe to say that not one faculty member at Dallas would have ever denied that a historical Jesus walked up a mountain two thousand years earlier to deliver the sermon about the blessed. But when they stood on their own mounts, some of them rewrote the Beatitudes on the hearts of their students. They traded blessed are the meek for blessed are the learned, and blessed are the poor in spirit for blessed are the pure in doctrine."
I think this last quote sums up the book fairly well as Mr. Deere surveys the pain and wreckage of his life, some of it due to his own choices, much of it not:
"Almost nothing in my life has worked out like I thought it should. I thought as I grew older, I would grow more deserving of God’s love, not less."
Amen, to that, my brother. For that is my experience also.
This is a very good book, and rarely will you get a Christian to be this frank and honest about their lives and their own sins and failures.
July 6, 2020
Difficult book to review. Jack Deere’s early life up until his years in seminary were deeply encouraging to me. I could relate to his frustration at sin and sorrow in the world and his desire to know and love the Lord with all his heart. I understood the messy emotions that come along with a difficult childhood. But, as I read about his adult life, I grew disappointed at his laxity in his relationships towards his wife, Christian family, and ultimately the Lord. I disagreed with his doctrinal viewpoints, and was deeply saddened by his turning to alcohol for answers. Yet, as I contemplated his adult life, I was reminded that our greatest enemy is always our sinful flesh. Any one of us is susceptible to the potential ruin and destruction living in our carnal desires. I am no different and my life could end in an even worse picture if I don’t cling to the Lord as my only Hope and for strength.
So, although I was disheartened at his choices, I can also admire the transparency in his story and his continued faith in God. He didn’t do all things right, and I may disagree with him in many areas, but he continued to pursue the Lord even in deep darkness. I can appreciate that. And I know without a doubt that I am no less sinful or prideful than he. We are all just sinners touched by the hand of God and nothing more.
So, although I was disheartened at his choices, I can also admire the transparency in his story and his continued faith in God. He didn’t do all things right, and I may disagree with him in many areas, but he continued to pursue the Lord even in deep darkness. I can appreciate that. And I know without a doubt that I am no less sinful or prideful than he. We are all just sinners touched by the hand of God and nothing more.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 24, 2022
An honestly frank, raw, and refreshing look at what the Christian life really is. Jack Deere shares his life story in all its beauty, ugliness, joy, sorrow, successes, and failures. While he gives glimpses into the darker side of marriage, parenting, discipleship, ministry, church life, and the evangelical, Pentecostal, and charismatic movements, they are framed in the redeeming power of God. Through this book he demonstrates the openness and humility which should characterize every Christian marriage and community. There is courser language and descriptions than what is usually allowed in the Christian memoir, but that only adds to its authenticity. It is not a masterpiece of literature. It isn't even the most well written book I've ever read. It should challenge anyone in ministry, Christians who think they have it all together, and anyone who will not question the powerhouses of American Christianity. But, it will be an encouragement to anyone who has ever wondered where God is in life's trials; anyone who has been turned off by hypocrisy; anyone who has been hurt by the Church; anyone who need to see themselves as God sees them.
March 7, 2018
I not did think I was going to enjoy this book as much as I did. Too often we pick up a book like Jack's and discover many practical ways to flee the external and internal darkness. However, this book is not that way. This book is a true, raw, personal account of how one man seemed to be forever haunted and condemned by darkness and God still used him for a sovereign and divine purpose. Jack's true story spoke to me in a way that other books have not because I am closely connected with familial suicide. Jack's acceptance of God's strength and Sovereignty showed me that depression and darkness can only be overcome with His power alone; not mine. His quote at the end of the book really spoke to me when he says, "This book is a story of love and the story of a friendship with the God who makes love possible. And now today, I pray that my story will help others feel the love of this great and good God who longs to be our friend."
October 10, 2018
A story of God working in the mess
From the perspective of a pastor, I appreciated Deere's vulnerability with ministry, faith, and his family. It took great courage to lay his soul bare.
From the perspective of a pastor, I appreciated Deere's vulnerability with ministry, faith, and his family. It took great courage to lay his soul bare.
November 11, 2018
I have read previously read two books by this author many years ago. I had no idea the tragic background and personal pain that Jack Deere experienced. The honesty is refreshing, I am now wanting to go back and re-read the two books that I have already read.
April 3, 2021
So many things here...purity culture, dysfunctional family of origin, addiction, religious zeal and fundamentalism, personal insecurities, original languages and theology, love.
Who would have thought that a (ex)DTS professor and miracle-worker could write so movingly and honestly about the fragility of human life?
Who would have thought that a (ex)DTS professor and miracle-worker could write so movingly and honestly about the fragility of human life?
April 22, 2025
A very raw and honest memoir! Jack leaves no stone unturned and shows us that even a man who has dedicated his life and work to God is not immune to trials and heartache. His story is so real and at times heartbreaking but also filled with hope.
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