Made for Love: Same-Sex Attraction and the Catholic Church

by Michael Schmitz

In Made for Love, Fr. Michael Schmitz presents the Catholic teaching on same-sex attraction and same-sex "sexual" relations.

He begins by giving background information regarding the different worldviews of the human person, the philosophical ideas of nature and purpose, the differences between objective and subjective truth, the principal of non-contradiction, and the fallen human nature that resulted from Original Sin. He then discusses in great detail the nature and ends of human sexuality and the nature of true love, while, in a compassionate and non-judgmental way, explaining the flawed nature of same-sex "sexual" relations.

While this book is intended primarily for those who have same-sex attraction and their family and friends, its presentation of the compassionate truth of Catholic teaching on same-sex attraction will be of great benefit to everyone in today's society.

Genres: Catholic, Nonfiction, Christian, Spirituality, Faith, Religion, Theology

171 pages, Paperback

Published December 1, 2017

About the author

Ordained for the Diocese of Duluth, Minnesota in 2003, Fr. Michael Schmitz is currently the Director of the Newman Center at the University of Minnesota-Duluth and Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministry for the diocese. Fr. Michael is known nationally for his inspiring homilies, his presentations and talks to university students, and his tremendous sense of humor. (IgnatiusPress.com)

Reviews

[Sayde Scarlett · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whilst it's nice that some in the Catholic Church are making more of an effort to be less heinous to the LGBT community, this offering is still a soft soap.

To be fair, the book is a step in right direction. I enjoyed it. The way Father Schmitz talks about love is absolutely beautiful - almost poetic, even. Not what I would expect from a middle-aged priest out of the American Midwest at all. He did go off on some weird tangents though i.e.: he started talking about abortion at one point for no reason whatsoever.

Fr Schmitz does not, however, do enough to address or acknowldege the profound hurt and difficulty the unfairness of the Church's position on LGBT people inflicts on those Catholics who 'experience same-sex attraction'.

It feels like there are chapters missing. I hate to criticise this book because the intentions behind it are so obviously good but it needs another edition with the rest of the book.

Fr Schmitz talks a lot about how great marriage is, but then says nothing on how hard it would be to forgo that. Or how hard it is to not have your relatives or friends show up at your wedding/civil partnership. Or how hard it is for homosexuals to not have their relatives or friends acknowledge their children. Or how hard it is to cope with being denied the opportunity to satisfy the natural human longing for romantic and sexual relationships. The natural and beautiful urge and desire for love and acceptance that every human being has.

If you have nothing to say to gay people on how they should or can cope and learn to live without love, you shouldn't really be talking to them about love at all. It's really odd for a [presumably] celibate priest to have nothing to offer to the LGBT community in terms of 'how to cope with celibacy'. Seems odd that he offers no tips or tricks on how to live a celibate life in a book telling people to live celibate lives.

This book contains a lot of advice for Catholic relatives and friends of LGBT people which is undoubtedly good. The author seems to have empathy for the LGBT community but it feels misplaced. There's less advice for LGBT people in this book than there is for their relatives which I thought was odd.

If you're going to write a book like this, I think you really need to acknowledge the path to Catholic grace for homosexuals is significantly harder. Heterosexuals get to have a loving sexual relationship, children, and never feel excluded or guilty for that. Father Schmitz doesn't even think homosexuals should have chaste romantic relationships with each other.

Whilst a life of self-imposed celibacy may be appealing to a [presumably] celibate priest like Father Schmitz, to others the pain of forgoing full romantic relationships is a significantly more difficult way to live.

It would just be nice, if he'd addressed the profound hurt the Church's teaching cause more deeply, even in the 'self-denial is still the only way to heaven' sort of way that is this book's ultimate conclusion.

[Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written; have me a better idea of the Catholic Church's take on LGBT

First, let me state, I am not Catholic. I am a United Methodist (and relatively new at that - though life long Christian). The UMC is currently debating it's own stance on LGBT. In fact, a special conference is being held in February 2019 on the topic. As a result, I've been led to come to my own stance on LGBT. I've been reading books by authors on both sides to help me come to my conclusion on a topic I've purposely avoided most my life. I chose Made For Love based off a recommendation of Fr. Michael Schmitz from a very dear friend of mine (who does happen to be Catholic). All that said, while I disagree with some of the conclusions (for lack of a better word) of the book, Fr. Schmitz did an excellent job of explaining the Catholic Church's stance on LGBT. I'm not LGBT myself, but an ally I've discovered, and intervene book was written with great respect. As Fr. Schmitz wrote, I can respectfully agree to disagree with what he wrote. Despite my disagreement, it was very helpful to read this book. It gave me a much clearer understanding of the Catholic Church's on (and by assumption, others who feel that way). I really believe both sides would benefit from discussing ,respectfully, the issue instead of arguing who's wrong. I felt Fr. Schmitz did that and I recommend people on both sides of the issue read this book.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's so much disinformation out there, intent on disparaging the Catholic Church regarding their position on homosexuality. Made for Love is a wonderful book, it dispels the myths and reveals the truth about God's plan for all for us. It is affirming and uplifting. I highly recommend it!

[Jake Oliger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a compassionate and well written book. Fr. Mike's thoughtfulness and empathy shine through in each chapter, especially the last few, to which the whole book builds. This book has helped me and I will be sharing this book with people I love.

[Emily Byrd Starr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Logical yet beautiful and compassionate handling of a difficult topic!

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thoughtful and loving explanation of the church's teaching. May we all come to know Jesus & His father's plan for our lives. God bless, we're all in this together! 💗

[Rita · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book with Fr.Mike's trademark humor. He dispels the lie that the Catholic Church hates people with same sex attractiona and beautifully lays out the Church's teaching.

[Conor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book. Pastoral, loving. A true bridge to those who are hurting and feel as if they are excluded.

[Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title summarizes this book well. Fr. Mike explains how we are all "Made for Love," and this book gave me a lot to consider in my own life.

While the beginning chapters about moral relativism may seem unnecessary (and might cause you to want to flip ahead), they actually do provide an important foundation. There are many places to find what the church teaches regarding homosexuality, but this book explains the reasons for those teachings, as well as the logic that underlies those reasons.

Fr. Mike Schmitz attempts to speak on these issues with empathy and love. I appreciated the personal stories he shared, which provide a sense of his work as a pastor (and friend and brother) who has walked alongside individuals with same-sex attraction. He is a pastor who understands church teaching, but also understands the human hearts that struggle with this teaching.

[Cassandra]

A well-thought out, well-presented book that does not at all reflect my personal beliefs. However, it helped me to understand some of my religious friends a little bit better and to understand their viewpoints.

I'm reading this alongside Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate in order to have a civil debate with some friends about churches affirming or not affirming LGBTQ+ identities within the Christian religion.

This book was her pick. Up next, mine.

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would encourage this book to any Catholic who may be confused by the Church's teachings on same-sex attraction and homosexual relationships. Fr. Mike is a very clear and compassionate writer who nevertheless remains orthodox throughout the book. We are all called to holiness, gay or straight. We are all called to chastity in our state in lives, no matter what our situation is or who we are attracted to.

[Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

I became aware of this book by listening to the podcast "The Bible in a Year" by the book's author, Fr. Mike Schmitz. Like the podcast, it's written with love and kindness and humor. It's a solid exposition on why the Catholic church believes that same-sex acts (as opposed to same-sex attractions) are disordered and not in keeping with God's plan for each of us. Very much of a 'hate the sin, love the sinner (since that is all of us)' theme.

[Brian Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful

It delivered what it promised and helped understand how to be a Catholic struggling with these things. I recommend it to anyone struggling in this area.

[Nic Lishko · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful book. God bless you Father!

[Sasha Wolf · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very superficial with lots of shallow analogies and anecdotes designed to manipulate. Two stars rather than one only because of the emphasis on love and affirming individuals as much as possible.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent, accessible and compassionate approach to Same Sex Marriage and the Catholic Church. Highly recommended!

[Kasey Bujana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great intro book for understanding the topic. Basically, love the person, hear their story, present truth. It all comes down to “Do I trust God?” And not making exceptions.

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A SYMPATHETIC CATHOLIC PRIEST DEFENDS THE TRADITIONAL TEACHING

Fr. Michael Schmitz wrote in the Introduction to this 2017 book, “I wrote this book for anyone who has been touched by the reality of same-sex attractions. If you have gone through life and have always felt different, if you are a parent of a child who has same-sex attractions, or if you love someone who has same-sex attractions, I wrote this book for you… you will find nothing in this book that is a personal condemnation. But that does not mean that this book will not be challenging… I have wrestled with the topic of same-sex attractions and the effects of this struggle on people close to me for over twenty-five years… This book is meant to explain WHAT the Church teaches about same-sex attractions. It is also meant to explain WHY the Church teaches it… I want all those who read this book to know that same-sex attracted people do not have to make a ‘fool’s choice’… between two options, when BOTH of them mean losing… I think there is another way.” (Pg. xii-xiv)

He continues, “I write this book because I know… that many people have experienced little love in the Catholic Church, especially when it comes to same-sex attractions. People have often felt rejected, condemned, and unwanted… there is a lot of confusion about what the Church teaches when it comes to sexuality in general and homosexuality in particular. Sometimes the love behind Church teaching is hard for people to see.” (Pg. xv)

He argues, “many people will argue that, if some kind of sexual behavior occurs among animals, it must be ‘natural’ for humans too. This assertion fails.. Animals and humans… differ in one essential way: we are moral agents and they are not… The fact that certain sexual patterns are found in animal behavior---whether … having multiple partners, or … coercive sex---is no more a justification for human sexual behavior than infanticide among animals is a pointed to how we should treat our young.” (Pg. 18-19)

He asserts, “Sex… is a human act with an objective natural purpose. Knowing that there are two ENDS of the sexual embrace---unity and procreation---could a couple come together with only one of these ends in mind? Sure they could… But what if they intentionally worked AGAINST one of the ends of the sexual act? Is it possible for the couple to violate the integrity of the sexual act by preventing either END? Absolutely it is… And there are consequences for the person." (Pg. 21-22)

He notes, “I have heard many people defend their behavior, saying, ‘Well, it can’t be bad because God made me this way.’… If we take this argument to its logical conclusion, the deficiency becomes obvious. For example, one could just as easily say, ‘God gave me this nasty temper’… What one is ultimately claiming is that everything one does is somehow God’s fault---but is this really true? If it were, we would be no more than programmed robots because we wouldn’t be responsible for anything we do… Catholic Christians believe that God made us good. We are created in his image and likeness... But… not everything in us is good. When we experience an attraction to sin, the last thing we should do is believe the lie that ‘God made me this way.’” (Pg. 52-53) Later, he adds, “your sexual orientation is not that ultimately defines you. If we allow ourselves to be defined by our sexual attractions, we are … defining ourselves by something far too small.” (Pg. 79)

He states, “Selfishness is a part of our fallen, damaged human nature. We are made for love… to love God and others, but often choose a cheap imitation, like loving the self… The solution to the problem of self-love is … [to] learn to become attentive to the needs of others… Love isn’t about what I get; it’s about … the good that I can will for another.” (Pg. 67-68)

He contends, “the terms ‘disordered’ and ‘grave depravity’ might sound harsh. But it is important to remember that these terms are used to describe the ACT itself; they aren’t a description of the PERSON. Love, when it’s ordered rightly, wants the good of the other. But when it’s ordered wrongly, love pursues one’s own selfish desire. To put it another way… all of us have experienced the disordered desire to lie… when we are tempted to gossip about another, this is a disordered desire.” (Pg. 106)

He argues, “if love is the only criterion to marriage, then I should be able to marry whomever I love, right? Mark should be able to marry Matt, right? What if Mark and Matt are brothers? Should they STILL be free to marry?... If love is all you need to redefine marriage, then there is literally no limit to who can get married.” (Pg. 123)

He points out, “there are those who argue that Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. Therefore, based on his silence, he must have had no objections. One problem with this claim is that it misrepresents what we know about Jesus… [Jesus] taught that God had designed marriage as a permanent union between a man and a woman… those looking for an endorsement of homosexuality from Jesus are essentially arguing from silence. Such an argument isn’t sufficient to show that Jesus was at odds with his Jewish religious and moral world on such a basic point… Jesus never explicitly condemned pollution or kidnapping. Does this mean that he endorsed those actions?” (Pg. 131)

He states, “The question for each of us is not, ‘Am I WRONG to have these feelings?’ The question is, ‘What am I going to DO with these feelings?’” (Pg. 133) He admits, “We don’t know the origin of same-sex attractions. Some people theorize a genetic basis for them. Others think it’s a developmental issues. Others associate them with traumatic childhood experiences… Of course, whatever the explanation, it doesn't follow that same-sex attractions should be acted on, any more than it follows that other … inclinations we may have should be acted on, just because we did not choose to have them.” (Pg. 161)

He concludes, “I am saddened by what seems to be an attitude of exceptionalism among some same-sex attracted Catholics… ‘The Church’s teachings don’t apply to me because…’ The reasons that some people … give… run the gamut… ‘Godi I know what you want. But I want what I want.’ … People with same-sex attractions aren’t unique in struggling to do God’s will… The temptation toward exceptionalism is not restricted to Catholics who identify as gay or lesbian. We are ALL tempted to make exceptions for ourselves… And we are all called to be saints. As Christians, we must be closer friends with Jesus than we are with the world… All of this comes down to one question: Do I trust?” (Pg. 169-170)

This book will strongly appeal to conservative Catholics who are not particularly sympathetic to LGBTQ persons.

[Álvaro Pérez Palafox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Es un buen libro que cumple su cometido: explicar la enseñanza de la Iglesia sobre la homosexualidad. Me parece que por el modo afable, chistoso que esta escrito y que comieanza por lo más básico, puede ser en varios momentos, lento. Un libro que explica integralmente la ética sexual de una manera sencilla aunque resbuscada. No me encanto pero es un buen libro. En vez de recomendar el libro, recomendaría las conferencias del autor (Fr. Mike) disponibles en YouTube.

[Szymon · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think that there are too many Catholics who are acquainted with the moral directives given by God, but who have never known the God who gives them. I think that there are too many Catholics who have never encountered a God of love, whose every command and directive leads us to a life of love.

I'm Catholic(-ish) & came across Ft. Schmitz on IG. I wanted to read up on the Catholic church's standing on queerness from an "insider perspective" who uses Scripture and Catechism. A brief summary of this book, laden with confusing and incongruous metaphors: God doesn't hate gay people and having "same-sex attractions" is okay, but don't you dare fuck someone out of wedlock or else! But you also can't marry, because marriage is only reserved for men and women. And jerking off is bad too... So tough luck and have fun being perma-locked like a chastity sub on OnlyFans only that your key holder is God himself? Mind-boggling and misleading, truly cannot believe God would second what has been published here under the name of "bridging the gap" and connecting with queer Christians.

[Kzryszthof · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tough love

Loving someone is hard. It doesn’t feel great all the time. Heck, it’s downright uncomfortable at times. Loving someone well, that is, to will them the maximum good with a love that doesn’t move and doesn’t change, I believe, is just not humanly possible. It requires to love with divine, sacrificial love. A love that is only possible when it comes from the source of Love Himself. And when we are willing to cooperate as mirrors of this greater than ourselves Love.
This was difficult read. And needless to say, a difficult write for Fr. Mike. And the reason he still confronted the discomfort is in part because he knew he had the call to love well, with the love that demands to step outside of himself, beyond where most of us are willing to love, because it’s difficult and unpleasant and presents many personal risks. Thank Fr. Mike for choosing to obey even when and because it’s hard!

[Brandon Miranda · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought his conversation on the topic was a good exposition of the Church's teaching and I think it is helpful for those struggling with this particular area to realize how loved they are. With that said, I wish his questions and answers section at the end addressed the same-sex attracted person rather than giving advice to how parents are to deal with their child. I think that is a great failure of the book.

[Walt · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written book that is really about the inherent dignity of each human person.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Warm, generous, gentle, and overflowing with truth and love

This is essential reading for any Christian to help form our hearts for loving our fellow humans well.

[Bailey Fah · Rating 3 out of 5]

In an effort to better understand some of the controversial views of the Catholic church before I marry into it, our FOCCUS mentors recommended this book to me.

Although it does give me somewhat of a better understanding of the church’s stance on same-sex relationships (which is very different from what I was taught in religious education classes growing up), it did start to lose my toward the end.

From a generational standpoint, I do think that the intended audience of the book is for parents who have children that are beginning to explore interpersonal relationships and how to guide them while staying true to their faith. However, there were several contradictions toward the end that had me questioning the reasoning of Father Mike.

Nonetheless, I do appreciate the overall message: to love and accept all and that despite one’s “sins”, they can always be welcomed back into the church when they are ready. I think it is a progressive first step toward changing the perception on same-sex relationships, but still has quite a long way to go. That said- Fr. Mike does make the excellent point that “acceptance does not mean to agree”. While I can accept that this is the current perception of the church, I don’t necessarily need to agree with this viewpoint and I think there are still opportunities to challenge this perception.

[Orion Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Father Mike Schmidt does an excellent job explaining why real marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of generation and education in a very kind and loving way he also answers many of the questions that you may have such as am I allowed to go to my sons gay wedding the answer is no and he explains why also, this book was written in 2015 which was the same year that the Supreme Court found “the right to gay marriage probably hidden in invisible link” not only does this book have a lot of great information. It also gives you great arguments to use in a debate, which is likely to come up, especially nowadays. My only complaint with this book is that father Mike Schmidt does not narrate it. He does such a good job with his podcasts, such as the Bible in a year and the catechism in a year and of course all of the fantastic videos that he does anyway I recommended this book to my grandma and I would recommend it to you as well.

[Joseph Whitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first glance, this book seems to be concentrated on same-sex attraction and the Catholic Church - it's in the name after all. But, just as catholic means universal, so too does this work discuss less about the homosexual love as it does about sexuality as a whole. I suspect this book will serve best with the faithful in reminding them in the compassionate nature of Christ's love for all people. I hope that honest and inquiring persons will focus from the beginning in Father Schmitz dialogue about the everlasting truth that God made us all in his image and likeness and that He loves us all. I believe that is where all growth must start and where our true identity is realized.

This was an excellent read and would offer to any practicing or questioning person.

[Karen Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

The wisdom imparted by Fr. Mike in this book is profound and is well-founded on charity. I can truly feel his charity for our brothers and sisters who are experiencing same-sex attraction. Despite it being a sensitive topic, Fr. Mike did great on sharing the teachings of the Catholic Church in a truly compassionate way. I also appreciate the parts of the book that were practical. It should guide all the readers to remain steadfast in the faith as we also show authentic friendship to those who are struggling with their identity.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fr. Michael Schmitz extrapolates on the Catholic church's teachings on love, same-sex attraction, and marriage. In a compassionate manner, Father Mike makes it clear that everyone is a sinner and we all need God's love. Finding God and operating in His will is how we are meant to live.

I also want to recommend Father Mike's Ascension presents videos to anyone who is looking for more guidance on the Catholic faith.

[Mar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Una lectura que recomendaría a cualquiera, católico o no. No sólo está bellamente explicado sino que se muestra de manera clara y sustentada lo que a mí por ejemplo durante mucho tiempo me ha resultado difícil entender y explicar. El objetivo de cualquier discusión al respecto (y al de muchos otros) debería ser siempre conocer al otro sin condenar a nadie o romper una relación entre parientes o amigos por estar en desacuerdo. Este libro es un buen punto de apoyo para empezar dicha discusión.