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Danger Music
From the former ABC Classic FM classicist comes a remarkable story about the power of music and courage to be one's self
Eddie Ayres has a lifetime of musical experience - from learning the viola as a child in England and playing with the Hong Kong Philharmonic for many years, to learning the cello in his thirties and landing in Australia to present an extremely successful ABC Classic FM morning radio show. But all of this time Eddie was Emma Ayres.
In 2014 Emma was spiralling into a deep depression, driven by anguish about her gender. She quit the radio, travelled, and decided on a surprising path to salvation - teaching music in a war zone. Emma applied for a position at Dr Sarmast's renowned Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul, teaching cello to orphans and street kids.
In Danger Music, Eddie takes us through the bombing and chaos of Kabul, into the lives of the Afghan children who are transported by Bach, Abba, Beethoven and their own exhilarating Afghan music. Alongside these epic experiences, Emma determines to take the final steps to secure her own peace; she becomes the man always there inside - Eddie.
Eddie Ayres has a lifetime of musical experience - from learning the viola as a child in England and playing with the Hong Kong Philharmonic for many years, to learning the cello in his thirties and landing in Australia to present an extremely successful ABC Classic FM morning radio show. But all of this time Eddie was Emma Ayres.
In 2014 Emma was spiralling into a deep depression, driven by anguish about her gender. She quit the radio, travelled, and decided on a surprising path to salvation - teaching music in a war zone. Emma applied for a position at Dr Sarmast's renowned Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul, teaching cello to orphans and street kids.
In Danger Music, Eddie takes us through the bombing and chaos of Kabul, into the lives of the Afghan children who are transported by Bach, Abba, Beethoven and their own exhilarating Afghan music. Alongside these epic experiences, Emma determines to take the final steps to secure her own peace; she becomes the man always there inside - Eddie.
304 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2017
38 people are currently reading
445 people want to read
About the author
Eddie Ayres
6 books30 followersEddie Ayres has a lifetime of musical experience - from learning the viola as a child in England and playing with the Hong Kong Philharmonic for many years, to learning the cello in his thirties and landing in Australia to present an extremely successful ABC Classic FM morning radio show. But all of this time Eddie was Emma Ayres.
In 2014 Emma was spiralling into a deep depression, driven by anguish about her gender. She quit the radio, travelled, and decided on a surprising path to salvation - teaching music in a war zone. Emma applied for a position at Dr Sarmast's renowned Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul, teaching cello to orphans and street kids.
In Danger Music, Eddie takes us through the bombs and chaos of Kabul, into the lives of the Afghan children who are transported by Bach, Abba, Beethoven and their own exhilarating Afghan music. Alongside these epic experiences, Emma determines to take the final steps to secure her own peace; she becomes the man always there inside - Eddie.
In 2014 Emma was spiralling into a deep depression, driven by anguish about her gender. She quit the radio, travelled, and decided on a surprising path to salvation - teaching music in a war zone. Emma applied for a position at Dr Sarmast's renowned Afghanistan National Institute of Music in Kabul, teaching cello to orphans and street kids.
In Danger Music, Eddie takes us through the bombs and chaos of Kabul, into the lives of the Afghan children who are transported by Bach, Abba, Beethoven and their own exhilarating Afghan music. Alongside these epic experiences, Emma determines to take the final steps to secure her own peace; she becomes the man always there inside - Eddie.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 99 reviews
August 22, 2024
I want to sit down with Eddie Ayres and chat!
That was my immediate response after finishing 'Danger Music' – a detailed account of his time teaching music (then as Teacher Emma) with the Afghanistan National Institute of Music (ANIM).
I have questions (always a sign of a good book for me). I want to compliment him, to praise him and say, 'Well done!'
It was written in 2017. Ayres shared so many stories about his Afghani colleagues and all the wonderful, young musicians he taught. I felt I was there with him and learning all about the torrid lives of these people, and their single love of music in all its forms. He educated me on Afghanistan/Kabul vs. what we hear and see in the media.
The writing is sharp, often disturbing, many times beautiful.
Was there a clear connection (a metaphor) between the struggles of Afghanistan and his own personal struggles on identity? Or was I overthinking this?
Once I finished it, I wanted to know what had become of this institute and the musicians since the recent withdrawal and ensuing chaos in Afghanistan. I dared to google it, dreading what I would find – only to be relieved, and somewhat surprised, to see some promising news…
Oh, and I nearly jumped out of my chair when Ayres referenced Barenboim’s collaboration with the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra, joining young Arab and Israeli musicians, breaking down barriers to play and record all the Beethoven Symphonies. Their recording of the Beethoven Ninth, as mentioned by Ayres, is breathtakingly fresh. No doubt he experienced the same youthful, freshness in her work at the ANIM.
I've said enough – not only will I run out of adjectives to describe this read, but have also given away too many spoilers already.
I recommend book, and not only for music fans.
That was my immediate response after finishing 'Danger Music' – a detailed account of his time teaching music (then as Teacher Emma) with the Afghanistan National Institute of Music (ANIM).
I have questions (always a sign of a good book for me). I want to compliment him, to praise him and say, 'Well done!'
It was written in 2017. Ayres shared so many stories about his Afghani colleagues and all the wonderful, young musicians he taught. I felt I was there with him and learning all about the torrid lives of these people, and their single love of music in all its forms. He educated me on Afghanistan/Kabul vs. what we hear and see in the media.
The writing is sharp, often disturbing, many times beautiful.
Was there a clear connection (a metaphor) between the struggles of Afghanistan and his own personal struggles on identity? Or was I overthinking this?
Once I finished it, I wanted to know what had become of this institute and the musicians since the recent withdrawal and ensuing chaos in Afghanistan. I dared to google it, dreading what I would find – only to be relieved, and somewhat surprised, to see some promising news…
Oh, and I nearly jumped out of my chair when Ayres referenced Barenboim’s collaboration with the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra, joining young Arab and Israeli musicians, breaking down barriers to play and record all the Beethoven Symphonies. Their recording of the Beethoven Ninth, as mentioned by Ayres, is breathtakingly fresh. No doubt he experienced the same youthful, freshness in her work at the ANIM.
I've said enough – not only will I run out of adjectives to describe this read, but have also given away too many spoilers already.
I recommend book, and not only for music fans.
January 31, 2021
An Illuminating, thought-provoking and passionate memoir. This author unashamedly wears his heart on his sleeve and his tale is certainly none the poorer for doing so.
January 8, 2018
‘I was twelve years old when I saw Afghanistan for the first time.’
Some years ago, when I set out to get fitter by walking for an hour or more each morning, I used to listen to ABC Classic FM. During the week, I listened to Classic Breakfast and enjoyed the style of the presenter: Emma Ayres. A few years ago, Emma left the ABC. I read her nook ‘Cadence’ (about her cycling journey from England to Hong Kong). I’d read, too, that Emma had gone to Afghanistan to teach at the Afghanistan National Institute of Music.
Recently, I picked up a copy of ‘Danger Music’ by Eddie Ayres, and learned that Emma (now Eddie) has transitioned to male. This book is about the Afghanistan National Institute of Music (ANIM), the Director Dr Sarmast, and the students and teachers who are part of it. This book also touches on Eddie Ayres’s very personal transgender journey.
‘When I realised I was transgender, it was a life-destroying moment. Because I knew from then on that I would never be happy until I did something about it. But to do something about it meant possibly losing everything .’
I can only imagine the challenges people face when they make the decision to transition gender. I can only imagine the pain associated with being trapped in a gender which feels alien. While Eddie Ayres gives some sense of his suffering in this book, it’s not the main focus. Instead, his personal struggle is part of the background of his life in Afghanistan: the disruption, the bombings, the students. Oh, and a very flexible goat!
‘Being transgender is like being on a tightrope, and I had to hope that the rope would slowly get wider and turn into a path, a road .’
Eddie describes the depression he fell into, both in relation to his own journey as well as because of the challenges in teaching at a school where students appear, and then disappear. There’s no certainty in Afghanistan, everyday life is challenging, and the beauty of music is not always enough.
‘I wrote this book because I didn’t want people to only read yet another glossy magazine article about ANIM. I wanted to show how these kids are, in so many ways, like kids all over the world. I wanted to show what they have to deal with and how their challenges and, yes, their failures make their successes even more glorious. And I wanted you, dear reader, to know the true challenges and therefore the true courage of Dr Sarmast .’
I was deeply moved by this book: by the courage of all of those trying to keep music alive in Afghanistan, but especially moved by Eddie’s courage and honesty.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
Some years ago, when I set out to get fitter by walking for an hour or more each morning, I used to listen to ABC Classic FM. During the week, I listened to Classic Breakfast and enjoyed the style of the presenter: Emma Ayres. A few years ago, Emma left the ABC. I read her nook ‘Cadence’ (about her cycling journey from England to Hong Kong). I’d read, too, that Emma had gone to Afghanistan to teach at the Afghanistan National Institute of Music.
Recently, I picked up a copy of ‘Danger Music’ by Eddie Ayres, and learned that Emma (now Eddie) has transitioned to male. This book is about the Afghanistan National Institute of Music (ANIM), the Director Dr Sarmast, and the students and teachers who are part of it. This book also touches on Eddie Ayres’s very personal transgender journey.
‘When I realised I was transgender, it was a life-destroying moment. Because I knew from then on that I would never be happy until I did something about it. But to do something about it meant possibly losing everything .’
I can only imagine the challenges people face when they make the decision to transition gender. I can only imagine the pain associated with being trapped in a gender which feels alien. While Eddie Ayres gives some sense of his suffering in this book, it’s not the main focus. Instead, his personal struggle is part of the background of his life in Afghanistan: the disruption, the bombings, the students. Oh, and a very flexible goat!
‘Being transgender is like being on a tightrope, and I had to hope that the rope would slowly get wider and turn into a path, a road .’
Eddie describes the depression he fell into, both in relation to his own journey as well as because of the challenges in teaching at a school where students appear, and then disappear. There’s no certainty in Afghanistan, everyday life is challenging, and the beauty of music is not always enough.
‘I wrote this book because I didn’t want people to only read yet another glossy magazine article about ANIM. I wanted to show how these kids are, in so many ways, like kids all over the world. I wanted to show what they have to deal with and how their challenges and, yes, their failures make their successes even more glorious. And I wanted you, dear reader, to know the true challenges and therefore the true courage of Dr Sarmast .’
I was deeply moved by this book: by the courage of all of those trying to keep music alive in Afghanistan, but especially moved by Eddie’s courage and honesty.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
October 27, 2018
Emma Ayres was a well known host of an Australian-wide classic music station. Then as she approached 50 years of age she dealt with her demons of depression and self-loathing and started her transition to Eddie. And he did it while teaching cello to students in Kabul.
The book is mostly about the love and power of music, the amazing students, teaching techniques and the wild ride of living in Afghanistan. Eddie's story is told almost in the background. Although there are mountains to climb, Eddie takes a modest, humble approach to his journey and puts the students in the front of stage.
This is a rare tale as most books written by Westerners about Afghanistan today come from people who worked for a Government, NGO or some type of corporation. Eddie and the other teachers are Afghan employees without the benefits of living and/or working within a walled fortress. My favourite Westerner was the guy who came from Syria to have a break.
The book is mostly about the love and power of music, the amazing students, teaching techniques and the wild ride of living in Afghanistan. Eddie's story is told almost in the background. Although there are mountains to climb, Eddie takes a modest, humble approach to his journey and puts the students in the front of stage.
This is a rare tale as most books written by Westerners about Afghanistan today come from people who worked for a Government, NGO or some type of corporation. Eddie and the other teachers are Afghan employees without the benefits of living and/or working within a walled fortress. My favourite Westerner was the guy who came from Syria to have a break.
March 29, 2018
Wow ! If you want to escape from your world for a bit and really experience life from another point of view, this is the book for you. Wonderful on so many levels, the language and ideas delight, confound and confront. It is all the more inspiring for being written by an Australian at a time when we're perhaps feeling a tad morally lost. This book sets the compass for finding hope in challenging situations or times. Eddie Ayres (formerly Emma Ayres, a successful announcer on Classic FM) contemplates a sort of reincarnation, whilst teaching music in Afghanistan. You won't be disappointed.
December 3, 2017
What a book. Though to be honest I'm giving the stars more for the amazing school that ANIM is and for the stories shared about the students, teachers and principal, I'm not suggesting that the writing is worth five stars. In my mind I'm imagining Eddie Ayres telling us this incredible story and it's so first person real and gutsy and brave that I feel like I'm there in Kabul with all its terror and injustice and beauty as well. Listening to the playlist adds another wonderful dimension.
November 16, 2019
As a viola player who likes to listen to ABC Classic FM and 702, I wondered where Emma Ayres had gone. What a wonderful description of the music school in Afghanistan, of life as a foreigner there, and of the transition to Eddie. Thank you
September 13, 2017
What an incredible read! I am so grateful to have received an advanced copy of this book.
Eddie Ayres has beautifully and so elegantly written his memoir in a way that completely captivates it's reader. Eddie, following his personal journey of depression and self discovery, finds himself living in the war-torn Kabul, Afghanistan teaching cello to orphans and street kids at ANIM.
Eddie delivers an informative, educational and insightful perspective into the world of music and the life that is lived in the chaos that is Kabul. He describes the lives of these young musicians and the reality of living in a war-zone, while fighting his own battle of depression and confusion over his own identity.
Eddie has poetically written his story is completely heart-felt and emotional.
I would love to recommend this book to all my friends!
Eddie Ayres has beautifully and so elegantly written his memoir in a way that completely captivates it's reader. Eddie, following his personal journey of depression and self discovery, finds himself living in the war-torn Kabul, Afghanistan teaching cello to orphans and street kids at ANIM.
Eddie delivers an informative, educational and insightful perspective into the world of music and the life that is lived in the chaos that is Kabul. He describes the lives of these young musicians and the reality of living in a war-zone, while fighting his own battle of depression and confusion over his own identity.
Eddie has poetically written his story is completely heart-felt and emotional.
I would love to recommend this book to all my friends!
September 15, 2017
This is a beautiful book. I didn't expect to like it but I was bowled over by the warmth of this memoir by Eddie Ayres,, who taught music to children for a year in war-torn Afghanistan. The danger, sorrow and joy of the place and the people is conveyed so sensitively by the author, whose own demons lurk in the background but do not take centre stage. Read this if you love teaching, music, children or want to know more about Afghanistan or what it feels like to be gender dysmorphic.
September 12, 2020
One of the most moving and powerful books I have every read. As an avid ABC Classic FM listener, I had always been soothed into my morning by Emma, but hearing Eddie's story continued to speak to my heart. The book was hard going but with every single brutal step. Thank you Eddie.
November 9, 2017
My book of the year.
It will be hard to pass this memoir.
More cohesive thoughts coming.
It will be hard to pass this memoir.
More cohesive thoughts coming.
September 25, 2017
Words cannot describe how good this book is.
Eddie shares with us something extremely personal and very foreign to the majority of the population. He has packaged it all up in a book that is easy to read and explains in very simple terms things that would usually be hard for us to understand. For example, the removal of ALL music from Afghanistan he compares to removing ALL sport from our lives here. Nothing hits harder than this description as you can see and understand a little more what it must have been like for the Afghanis.
What a brave person and beautiful soul to move to this foreign and dangerous world in order to help people understand that even in the ugliness of their world there is beauty to be found.
I laughed (and cried) as Eddie shared stories about the kids and adults in his life at the school. I cannot, for one second, imagine what it was like when a favourite student was there and then the next day just gone.
To be experiencing this unknown, whilst also acknowledging some truths about self and finally beginning that journey towards freedom is a courage that most of us would not accept. Eddie, YOU are an amazing man and I think that there are many people who can learn wonderful things from your words and your compassion but most importantly, your courage. Thank you for sharing this part of your world.
Eddie shares with us something extremely personal and very foreign to the majority of the population. He has packaged it all up in a book that is easy to read and explains in very simple terms things that would usually be hard for us to understand. For example, the removal of ALL music from Afghanistan he compares to removing ALL sport from our lives here. Nothing hits harder than this description as you can see and understand a little more what it must have been like for the Afghanis.
What a brave person and beautiful soul to move to this foreign and dangerous world in order to help people understand that even in the ugliness of their world there is beauty to be found.
I laughed (and cried) as Eddie shared stories about the kids and adults in his life at the school. I cannot, for one second, imagine what it was like when a favourite student was there and then the next day just gone.
To be experiencing this unknown, whilst also acknowledging some truths about self and finally beginning that journey towards freedom is a courage that most of us would not accept. Eddie, YOU are an amazing man and I think that there are many people who can learn wonderful things from your words and your compassion but most importantly, your courage. Thank you for sharing this part of your world.
September 11, 2018
Two things I didn't know or understand a lot about was the people of Afghanistan and Transgender transformation. I understood music. 'Danger Music' is a beautiful blend of all three. What a fundamental journey Eddie Ayres takes us with his writing. The richness in the telling, the stress, the children, the Afghan love of music, the constant danger, the devastation of a country, and the burgeoning of a woman into a man. 'Danger Music' is a must read.
September 12, 2017
What an amazing journey. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and was devastated when it was finished. I did not want the story to end. It opened my eyes to another world and am truly grateful for this beautiful country we live in. I hope that Eddie continues to tell his story.
December 11, 2018
One of the most remarkably personal and warm memoirs I've had the pleasure of reading. Danger Music is a journey through one's musician's year teaching in Afghanistan, depression, gender dysmorphia and transition, and the role music played in helping Eddie survive all three.
December 13, 2017
Beautifully written, moving and fascinating.
December 13, 2017
Easy to read and moving account of life in Kabul. A powerful backdrop for gender dysphoria and transition of FTM, told with a lot of wicked humour. Who knew Eddie had such a potty mouth?!
March 7, 2018
I was desperately in love with Emma Ayres, and I am equally in love with Eddie. This is not the most beautifully written book, but it is very honest and stark, and, well, I cried more than once.
March 22, 2018
Astonishing. A masterpiece. Eddie peers into his own soul and helps us examine our own. Oh-it's also about Afghanistan.
May 18, 2020
This was wonderful. Just the kind of memoir I like. Very conversational and yet providing deep insight not only into their own life but into the politics and environment around them.
August 2, 2021
Remarkable. Like nothing I've read before.
I felt I knew Eddie Ayres from listening to him doing the breakfast program on ABC Classic radio for years. He was Emma then and I loved his encyclopedic knowledge of classical music, his quick wit, his sense of fun and his charm. I remember particularly during one of the Classic 100 countdown weekends, his clever and entertaining banter with Mary Nicholson. I felt they were my wonderful erudite and witty friends and they were so entertaining.
Now Emma is Ed and this book charts his transgender journey as well as his time teaching music in Afghanistan.
As he states
"Afghanistan overwhelmed me to my core. It fundamentally changed my view of the world. It was full of the best and worst of life and there was never any middle ground. I came from a temperate land and I needed something less manic, but this country had taught me to love intensely and not to be afraid of living at the extreme. I was like a Picasso painting, taken apart and put back together in a new, strange form. What a gift."
It's been a while since I have read much non-fiction and certainly something as deeply felt and raw as this. I knew very little about living in a war zone, about Kabul, about Afghanistan, about teaching the cello and viola, about gender dysphoria and transgender issues so I'm quite a bit better informed.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Ed Ayres!
I felt I knew Eddie Ayres from listening to him doing the breakfast program on ABC Classic radio for years. He was Emma then and I loved his encyclopedic knowledge of classical music, his quick wit, his sense of fun and his charm. I remember particularly during one of the Classic 100 countdown weekends, his clever and entertaining banter with Mary Nicholson. I felt they were my wonderful erudite and witty friends and they were so entertaining.
Now Emma is Ed and this book charts his transgender journey as well as his time teaching music in Afghanistan.
As he states
"Afghanistan overwhelmed me to my core. It fundamentally changed my view of the world. It was full of the best and worst of life and there was never any middle ground. I came from a temperate land and I needed something less manic, but this country had taught me to love intensely and not to be afraid of living at the extreme. I was like a Picasso painting, taken apart and put back together in a new, strange form. What a gift."
It's been a while since I have read much non-fiction and certainly something as deeply felt and raw as this. I knew very little about living in a war zone, about Kabul, about Afghanistan, about teaching the cello and viola, about gender dysphoria and transgender issues so I'm quite a bit better informed.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Ed Ayres!
August 26, 2021
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I felt it was really well written and had a great mix of facts, emotions, scenarios, etc. and Eddie did a great job of painting a picture of life in Afghanistan with its struggles, customs, challenges, along with the beauty of things.
It was fascinating to learn the backgrounds of done of the students and what they endured in a daily basis. We are so blessed to live where we do.
Thank you Eddie for baring your heart and soul and sharing your journey with us. I loved your honesty and vulnerability living in Afghanistan along with your emotional turmoil as you transitioned. I wish you and Carole every happiness 💜
It was fascinating to learn the backgrounds of done of the students and what they endured in a daily basis. We are so blessed to live where we do.
Thank you Eddie for baring your heart and soul and sharing your journey with us. I loved your honesty and vulnerability living in Afghanistan along with your emotional turmoil as you transitioned. I wish you and Carole every happiness 💜
March 30, 2024
I used to listen to Emma Ayres on Classic FM breakfast on my way to work on the mornings. With her silky voice, wit, bubbly persona and perfect choice in music, she was the perfect radio company. When she left, I was sad but also intrigued about what she would do next.
This book answered all the questions and revealed a new depth to Emma (now Eddie) that I didn't know existed.
Moving to Kabul to teach music in highly-volatile Afghanistan is probably not on many people's shortlist, and certainly not while wrestling with gender issues. Eddie brings the school to life on this book and describes a country wrestling with beauty and terror, alongside his own internal struggles.
Much like a symphony, there is a range of emotions in this book and Eddie captures them all very well. The one thing lacking in my opinion is a strong central story through the school. Eddie's own story of coping with his gender conflict together with coping with the turmoil in Kabul is a good central thread but I found that the students and staff became a series of vignettes and needed something to tie them together better.
Aside from this, this book does well in highlighting amongst other things the privilege of western kids who complain about having to go to school, when there are kids around the world who only dream of it, and must overcome daily challenges just to stay there.
Congratulations to Eddie for bringing this triple-story of bravery to us.
This book answered all the questions and revealed a new depth to Emma (now Eddie) that I didn't know existed.
Moving to Kabul to teach music in highly-volatile Afghanistan is probably not on many people's shortlist, and certainly not while wrestling with gender issues. Eddie brings the school to life on this book and describes a country wrestling with beauty and terror, alongside his own internal struggles.
Much like a symphony, there is a range of emotions in this book and Eddie captures them all very well. The one thing lacking in my opinion is a strong central story through the school. Eddie's own story of coping with his gender conflict together with coping with the turmoil in Kabul is a good central thread but I found that the students and staff became a series of vignettes and needed something to tie them together better.
Aside from this, this book does well in highlighting amongst other things the privilege of western kids who complain about having to go to school, when there are kids around the world who only dream of it, and must overcome daily challenges just to stay there.
Congratulations to Eddie for bringing this triple-story of bravery to us.
August 30, 2018
Danger Music is a very difficult book to review, it’s a very complex memoir and I have so much to say about it. Firstly, this memoir is absolutely beautiful. There are so many memoirs and biographies available these days, very few are written with as much heart as Danger Music. Eddie Ayres writes of tremendous hardships, unfathomable in many ways, with humour and most importantly, with understanding.
This book is a personal journey of Eddie Ayres from when he first moves to Kabul to teach the cello, (as well as various other musical and non-musical lessons) to the teenagers at ANIM, The Afghanistan National Institute of Music, until his departure a year later.In this book, Ayres, amongst sharing the tales of life as a foreigner in Kabul, also tells of his struggles with transitioning to become a transgender man. The balance is fantastic, and the two struggles, living in Kabul, and the move to become physically who Eddie had always seen himself as, marry beautifully into this memoir.
Often times memoirs are boring, simply because, nobody want’s to read a boring book about the life of a person who is not always as captivating as they may think themselves to be. I went into this book not knowing who Eddie Ayres (or Emma Ayres, the name Ayres went by up until 2016) was in the slightest. I was captivated. Ayres' writing is honest, raw and personal, his anecdotes are interesting and serve a point to being written in the book and everything was laced with humour. Strange as it may seem the two issues are not forced together, they come in the most natural of ways.
This book is so interesting, the understanding I got from reading about the challenges that plagued not only the students, school and teachers but also the city of Kabul was fantastic. The appalling terror and ongoing hardships that the students face, mostly the young women who Ayres dedicates the book to, (‘the lost girls’) is exposed in ways that the media fails to do so often. This book is interesting, absolutely, but also utterly heartbreaking. Ayres, as mentioned, writes to make you laugh but he also writes to make you cry with wholehearted truth and unforgiving honesty. Ayres never sugarcoats the true harshness of Afghanistan.
The elements of self discovery and transformation, in this book were portrayed so well. Ayres struggles with being transgender and transitioning to this reality, physically and emotionally is insightful and genuine. The emotional shift from that Ayres writes of from his depression to his rebirth to become who he had known himself to be was astounding. You’re taken on this journey with Ayres, from depressed and desperate to this immense joy and hopefulness for the future.
Honestly this book is one of the best memoirs I have ever read, it was captivating, moving and relevant. I received and ARC of this book so I didn’t see the photos in the middle that is included in the final copy. However, I was in the bookshop the other day and had a flick through and they are so beautiful and really make the stories and people so much more real.
This book is a personal journey of Eddie Ayres from when he first moves to Kabul to teach the cello, (as well as various other musical and non-musical lessons) to the teenagers at ANIM, The Afghanistan National Institute of Music, until his departure a year later.In this book, Ayres, amongst sharing the tales of life as a foreigner in Kabul, also tells of his struggles with transitioning to become a transgender man. The balance is fantastic, and the two struggles, living in Kabul, and the move to become physically who Eddie had always seen himself as, marry beautifully into this memoir.
Often times memoirs are boring, simply because, nobody want’s to read a boring book about the life of a person who is not always as captivating as they may think themselves to be. I went into this book not knowing who Eddie Ayres (or Emma Ayres, the name Ayres went by up until 2016) was in the slightest. I was captivated. Ayres' writing is honest, raw and personal, his anecdotes are interesting and serve a point to being written in the book and everything was laced with humour. Strange as it may seem the two issues are not forced together, they come in the most natural of ways.
This book is so interesting, the understanding I got from reading about the challenges that plagued not only the students, school and teachers but also the city of Kabul was fantastic. The appalling terror and ongoing hardships that the students face, mostly the young women who Ayres dedicates the book to, (‘the lost girls’) is exposed in ways that the media fails to do so often. This book is interesting, absolutely, but also utterly heartbreaking. Ayres, as mentioned, writes to make you laugh but he also writes to make you cry with wholehearted truth and unforgiving honesty. Ayres never sugarcoats the true harshness of Afghanistan.
The elements of self discovery and transformation, in this book were portrayed so well. Ayres struggles with being transgender and transitioning to this reality, physically and emotionally is insightful and genuine. The emotional shift from that Ayres writes of from his depression to his rebirth to become who he had known himself to be was astounding. You’re taken on this journey with Ayres, from depressed and desperate to this immense joy and hopefulness for the future.
Honestly this book is one of the best memoirs I have ever read, it was captivating, moving and relevant. I received and ARC of this book so I didn’t see the photos in the middle that is included in the final copy. However, I was in the bookshop the other day and had a flick through and they are so beautiful and really make the stories and people so much more real.
September 14, 2018
Danger Music - I understand it as a music accompanying danger and I think this role it plays in the book.
There are two dangers - life in Afghanistan in years 2014 - 2o15 and author's own battle with her/his own sexuality. Both surrounded by music.
Emma Ayres is a musician (viola, cello), was a very popular music presenter in ABC Classic and music teacher in Afghan National Institute of Music (ANIM).
Teaching music in Afghanistan is the core of the book.
Well, the best I can say about it is - it is extremely honest, and as for me - very, very depressing. Kaleidoscope of students' names and stories and none of them ends well.
Afghan war lasts already over 3 times longer than a 2nd World War and, at least in 2015, the general situation in the country was worse than before.
Cost of the war goes into trillions of dollars. Author of the book mentions, that USA alone spent 100 billion dollars for help to Afghanistan - outcome - NIL - all money stolen, mismanaged, wasted.
Someone would think that the school of music, generously supported by many international organisations, would be a beacon of light and hope.
It is not. Firstly students, specifically female, must fight all the time with their families. There is not a one case mentioned of parents supporting music study of their child. Quite opposite, some children do their musical studies secretly, some are constantly punished for their passion (by extra load of work at home), all are aware, that any minute their family may stop their education. It applies specifically to girls, for whose parents the highest priority is marriage.
Secondly, the students are not much different than the surrounding world. Gossip, cheating, bullying, sexual molesting. All this happens in the school and in most cases goes on unpunished.
The only "positive" stories are those about students, who managed to go overseas to study. I put positive in quotes because at the end none of them returned to Afghanistan.
Creator of the school, Dr Sarmast, expected, that the graduates will take positions of music teachers in the school and after few years there will be no need to employ teachers from overseas. Nothing like this happened.
I have to admit that before reading half of the book I felt very tired and depressed. I knew, that nothing good will happen and continued reading only from loyalty and sympathy to the author.
The other danger - man's soul in wrong body.
This subject is quite alien to me, but I appreciated Eddie's honesty in presenting his very personal suffering and fight. I wish him all success.
There are two dangers - life in Afghanistan in years 2014 - 2o15 and author's own battle with her/his own sexuality. Both surrounded by music.
Emma Ayres is a musician (viola, cello), was a very popular music presenter in ABC Classic and music teacher in Afghan National Institute of Music (ANIM).
Teaching music in Afghanistan is the core of the book.
Well, the best I can say about it is - it is extremely honest, and as for me - very, very depressing. Kaleidoscope of students' names and stories and none of them ends well.
Afghan war lasts already over 3 times longer than a 2nd World War and, at least in 2015, the general situation in the country was worse than before.
Cost of the war goes into trillions of dollars. Author of the book mentions, that USA alone spent 100 billion dollars for help to Afghanistan - outcome - NIL - all money stolen, mismanaged, wasted.
Someone would think that the school of music, generously supported by many international organisations, would be a beacon of light and hope.
It is not. Firstly students, specifically female, must fight all the time with their families. There is not a one case mentioned of parents supporting music study of their child. Quite opposite, some children do their musical studies secretly, some are constantly punished for their passion (by extra load of work at home), all are aware, that any minute their family may stop their education. It applies specifically to girls, for whose parents the highest priority is marriage.
Secondly, the students are not much different than the surrounding world. Gossip, cheating, bullying, sexual molesting. All this happens in the school and in most cases goes on unpunished.
The only "positive" stories are those about students, who managed to go overseas to study. I put positive in quotes because at the end none of them returned to Afghanistan.
Creator of the school, Dr Sarmast, expected, that the graduates will take positions of music teachers in the school and after few years there will be no need to employ teachers from overseas. Nothing like this happened.
I have to admit that before reading half of the book I felt very tired and depressed. I knew, that nothing good will happen and continued reading only from loyalty and sympathy to the author.
The other danger - man's soul in wrong body.
This subject is quite alien to me, but I appreciated Eddie's honesty in presenting his very personal suffering and fight. I wish him all success.
August 24, 2018
For six years I delighted in the warm hospitality of Emma Ayers as she presented the breakfast program on ABC Classic FM. She left the program to re-emerge some time later as Eddie Ayers, and this is his story, of spiralling into depression and learning to live with it while taking up a teaching position at the Afghanistan National Institute of Music. His descriptions bring the school, students and country vividly to life, depicting great cruelty and terror along with considerable passion and beauty. I was particularly struck by his passion for music and his teaching methodology in incredibly difficult circumstances; the daily threat of bomb blasts, the constant use of gunfire, the at times moral ambiguity, not to mention the overwhelming poverty of some of the students. Amidst this there is the joy of seeing his pupils learning to love music and performance, not to mention his deep love and compassionate understanding of their difficulties while dealing with his own depression and gender dysphoria. Eventually he reaches the stage where he's able to begin the transition. It's not easy letting go of a place that's played such a huge role in shaping him, but he learns that it's OK to move on. This book was a truly wonderful read. As on air, Eddie brings a strong sense of hospitality in his writing to the reader and I was able to feel like I was part of the unfolding narrative.
January 23, 2019
I really wanted to like this book and although I was interested in his experience and I appreciated Ayres' honesty, directness and humour, the book just failed to engage me. Ayres shares his twelve-month experience working as a music teacher at ANIM in Afghanistan, shedding light on the difficulties of living in a worn-torn country as well as the challenges confronting the school, the staff and its students, especially the young female students. He also shares his personal experience of living with gender dysphoria (and he was living as a woman while in Afghanistan). He shares the journey which resulted in him making the decision to transition into the man he always knew he was. I stopped reading biographies a long time ago because I found I would often not engage with them, needing the intrigue and creativity of a narrative, so I don't know if the rating is a result of my own inability to enjoy a biography or whether it is because Ayres is essentially a musician, not a writer. However, despite my disappointment, given the content, I still recommend it as a worthwhile read.
February 1, 2018
I don't think I have words. I read Eddie Ayres first autobiography, as Emma Ayres, Cadence, & was drawn into her world of musical passion, confusion, generosity of spirit but misunderstanding of self.
Danger Music brilliantly brings us the epilogue of this particular journey as Eddie Ayres faces the unenviable task of living in Kabul, Afghanistan whilst teaching & gifting the Afghanistani children musical lessons on the cello or viola. He teaches everything from Beethoven to Bach, from the Beatles to ABBA. And as the children grow & learn from him, so he grows & learns from them.
Children growing up in the most oppressed conditions also contending with almost daily bombings or shootings by the Taliban. Yet still able to be children.
I learnt a lot from this book, always a gift. I certainly learnt more about the daily life of Kabul & something of the reality in which these children live. But I also learnt about the universal truth of music. How it transposes into any culture. How it helped transpose Eddie Ayres.
Danger Music brilliantly brings us the epilogue of this particular journey as Eddie Ayres faces the unenviable task of living in Kabul, Afghanistan whilst teaching & gifting the Afghanistani children musical lessons on the cello or viola. He teaches everything from Beethoven to Bach, from the Beatles to ABBA. And as the children grow & learn from him, so he grows & learns from them.
Children growing up in the most oppressed conditions also contending with almost daily bombings or shootings by the Taliban. Yet still able to be children.
I learnt a lot from this book, always a gift. I certainly learnt more about the daily life of Kabul & something of the reality in which these children live. But I also learnt about the universal truth of music. How it transposes into any culture. How it helped transpose Eddie Ayres.
January 11, 2018
You had me at the first chapter Eddie! I loved this book, it was so easy to read and follow. After reading a few mediocre and disappointing books in a row I felt this book pull me out of the hole I was in and revive me. It was uplifting, raw, honest and heart wrenching in places . Thoroughly enjoyable and well worth the read.
Thanks to Allen and Unwin as I won it in a competition.
Thanks to Allen and Unwin as I won it in a competition.
June 5, 2018
I thought this book was wonderful . The absolute
Horror of war among the most wonderful music played by young budding musicians was superb.
The author’s transition from woman to man and his struggle to achieve this. It was very honestly told and what a difficult path it was for Eddie.I would recommend this book just to see what life is like in Kabul. We are so lucky in Australia.
Horror of war among the most wonderful music played by young budding musicians was superb.
The author’s transition from woman to man and his struggle to achieve this. It was very honestly told and what a difficult path it was for Eddie.I would recommend this book just to see what life is like in Kabul. We are so lucky in Australia.
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