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Embarrassment: And the Emotional Underlife of Learning
"Why has no one written about this subject before? Every teacher should read this book." Michael G. Thompson, coauthor of Raising Cain Embarrassment. None of us escape it. Especially as kids, in school. How might our fear of failure, of not living up to expectations, be holding us back? How can our fear of embarrassment affect how we learn, how we teach, and how we live?
Tom Newkirk argues that this "emotional underlife," this subterranean domain of emotion, failure, and embarrassment, keeps too many students and teachers silent, hesitant, and afraid. "I am absolutely convinced," Tom writes, "that embarrassment is not only the true enemy of learning, but of so many other actions we could take to better ourselves."
In this groundbreaking exploration, Newkirk offers practices and strategies that help kids and teachers alike develop a more resilient approach to embarrassment. "I contend that if we can take on a topic like embarrassment and shame, we can come to a richer, more honest, more enabling sense of who we are and what we can do," he explains. "So let's do battle. Let's name and identify the enemy that can haunt our days, disturb our sleep, put barriers up to learning, and drain joy from our lives-and maybe we can also learn how to rearrange some things in our own head so that we can be more generous toward ourselves."
Tom Newkirk argues that this "emotional underlife," this subterranean domain of emotion, failure, and embarrassment, keeps too many students and teachers silent, hesitant, and afraid. "I am absolutely convinced," Tom writes, "that embarrassment is not only the true enemy of learning, but of so many other actions we could take to better ourselves."
In this groundbreaking exploration, Newkirk offers practices and strategies that help kids and teachers alike develop a more resilient approach to embarrassment. "I contend that if we can take on a topic like embarrassment and shame, we can come to a richer, more honest, more enabling sense of who we are and what we can do," he explains. "So let's do battle. Let's name and identify the enemy that can haunt our days, disturb our sleep, put barriers up to learning, and drain joy from our lives-and maybe we can also learn how to rearrange some things in our own head so that we can be more generous toward ourselves."
216 pages, Paperback
Published September 15, 2017
14 people are currently reading
441 people want to read
About the author
Thomas Newkirk
34 books17 followersThomas Newkirk is a teacher and author who worked for 39 years at the University of New Hampshire.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
February 22, 2018
For my full review, jump down this rabbit hole:
https://kencraftpoetry.wordpress.com/...
https://kencraftpoetry.wordpress.com/...
March 7, 2018
Given the glowing reviews from trusted ELA experts, I'm left feeling like I missed something after finishing this book. It was under-researched, relying mainly on anecdotal evidence and personal opinion. Newkirk seemed out of his depth but unwilling to consult experts in the field to supplement his knowledge. Not only was the content not where I expected it to be, but the organization felt haphazard as well--perhaps a collection of essays would have provided a more logical structure than the hodge-podge this book seemed to be. I do not consider this one of the most important written about our profession today; rather, I found it frustrating and forgettable.
January 6, 2018
Here are important points I collected from each chapter:
You're not what you think you are.
Embarrassment comes from how we relate to ourselves more than from how we relate to others.
Self-esteem is build on public demonstrations of competence.
You can learn as much from being helped as you can from helping. Ask for help.
When I'm on my game in the classroom I am more likely to achieve my goal of helping my students show their brilliance.
Inspire curiosity.
Connect emotionally to the "sticky bits" of text.
Think small.
In order to know your story, you must write and reflect.
You can always work harder.
Find a coach who can help keep you moving forward.
Genius is in following a stream of though to a generative place.
Pay attention to the words and allow them to lead the way.
You're not what you think you are.
Embarrassment comes from how we relate to ourselves more than from how we relate to others.
Self-esteem is build on public demonstrations of competence.
You can learn as much from being helped as you can from helping. Ask for help.
When I'm on my game in the classroom I am more likely to achieve my goal of helping my students show their brilliance.
Inspire curiosity.
Connect emotionally to the "sticky bits" of text.
Think small.
In order to know your story, you must write and reflect.
You can always work harder.
Find a coach who can help keep you moving forward.
Genius is in following a stream of though to a generative place.
Pay attention to the words and allow them to lead the way.
March 20, 2022
Solid book, there's some fun writing moments and definitely agreeable sentitments. But I was kinda expecting more.
December 17, 2019
I may have gone down a rabbit hole with this one because I’ve found at least 3 more books and several articles that I want to read based on Newkirk’s references. This is a great book for reflection and for support. Learning doesn’t occur in a vacuum, and we need each other for coaching, support, challenge, and change.
May 6, 2021
At NCTE2017 last month, Penny Kittle raved about this new book, saying it was one of the best written about our profession today. Being a great admirer Newkirk, I didn't hesitate to start, and I can now echo her rave whole-heartedly. Embarrassment is one of the most eye-opening texts on the emotional barriers students and teachers experience in the classroom.
It's not difficult to see parallels between the work done here by Tom Newkirk about embarrassment and the groundbreaking and beloved work of Brené Brown about shame. I believe this book can have that same sort of transformative power, particularly because it is as equally concerned with pedagogy and theory as it is with the heart-work, the hurt, and the humiliations involved with teaching young people. It will make you think about the language you use with students, the language you use with yourself when reflecting on failures and missteps, and the ways our assessments become obstacles for students.
What I love about Newkirk's work is that he does not give easy answers. He respects and challenges his readers by offering powerful information and impassioned claims, and asks us to make our own magic. Those looking for lesson ideas will get a handful of such things, but Newkirk is thinking much bigger. He isn't afraid to speak up and stir the pot because he sees not just the imperfections in our profession but the possibilities. His voice is one you want in your corner.
And I insist, Newkirk will become a voice you hear in your head, well after you read one of his books. I know I'm a lot better off because of that voice.
It's not difficult to see parallels between the work done here by Tom Newkirk about embarrassment and the groundbreaking and beloved work of Brené Brown about shame. I believe this book can have that same sort of transformative power, particularly because it is as equally concerned with pedagogy and theory as it is with the heart-work, the hurt, and the humiliations involved with teaching young people. It will make you think about the language you use with students, the language you use with yourself when reflecting on failures and missteps, and the ways our assessments become obstacles for students.
What I love about Newkirk's work is that he does not give easy answers. He respects and challenges his readers by offering powerful information and impassioned claims, and asks us to make our own magic. Those looking for lesson ideas will get a handful of such things, but Newkirk is thinking much bigger. He isn't afraid to speak up and stir the pot because he sees not just the imperfections in our profession but the possibilities. His voice is one you want in your corner.
And I insist, Newkirk will become a voice you hear in your head, well after you read one of his books. I know I'm a lot better off because of that voice.
February 28, 2018
Wow. One of the most honest and transparent books on education that I have ever read. Every educator needs to read this, period.
February 6, 2020
This year’s first professional book I tackled was Tom Newkirk’s Embarrassment And the Emotional Underlife of Teaching. I loved Newkirk’s Mind Made for Stories, a book about the centrality of narrative in our lives. Full disclosure, Newkirk and I both write for Heinemann, but no one is paying me to write this review. I’m writing this because I’m 100% that teacher who’s always looking for a book that will help me be a better teaching. This book fits the bill.
Newkirk’s goal is to explore, as his subtitle indicates, the “subterranean domain of emotion, failure, and embarrassment” inherent in learning. I’ve been a teacher for 24 years, and I can count on a single hand the professional conversations I’ve had about this. Teachers don’t talk about it. Administrators definitely don’t. We tend to proceed as if learning is rational and the learner is calmly accepting, even welcoming, the necessary failure in learning as they steadfastly soldier on toward finding X. When, in fact, most of us, when faced with an unknown - whether that be solving for X or tackling a writing assignment or reading a difficult text - become a hot mess of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-recrimination. So many selfs!
Indeed, we tend to constantly (even in the privacy of our own home) project a stylized and curated sense of self in most social settings, and we tend to overestimate our capacity to grasp, understand, and conquer unfamiliar things. So when we are faced with learning or doing something new, which challenges our competencies and requires all manner of awkwardness, we often sustain ego blows and shame. Newkirk’s goal in this book is to drag the necessary embarrassment of learning out into the open and examine it, explore it, embrace it. He deals with math shame, reading guilt, and of course, my favorite, the insecurities we all feel around writing. And his answer? Self-generosity, both cultivating it for ourselves and teaching our students to extend this crucial grace inward as well. Newkirk defines it as “a capacity to keep going in the face of difficulty” (188) and the thing that “keeps us from vacillating between exaggerated vanity and exaggerated self-disgust”(189).
The thing I’ve always loved about Newkirk’s work is that he shows up as a real person on the page. He voices concerns about his own work and speaks to his own faults and blindspots. You don’t read Newkirk’s work for lesson planning. You read his work to see yourself. You come up on a sentence and proclaim, “Ah, that’s me! Yes, I’m so glad someone finally said this.”
Newkirk’s goal is to explore, as his subtitle indicates, the “subterranean domain of emotion, failure, and embarrassment” inherent in learning. I’ve been a teacher for 24 years, and I can count on a single hand the professional conversations I’ve had about this. Teachers don’t talk about it. Administrators definitely don’t. We tend to proceed as if learning is rational and the learner is calmly accepting, even welcoming, the necessary failure in learning as they steadfastly soldier on toward finding X. When, in fact, most of us, when faced with an unknown - whether that be solving for X or tackling a writing assignment or reading a difficult text - become a hot mess of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-recrimination. So many selfs!
Indeed, we tend to constantly (even in the privacy of our own home) project a stylized and curated sense of self in most social settings, and we tend to overestimate our capacity to grasp, understand, and conquer unfamiliar things. So when we are faced with learning or doing something new, which challenges our competencies and requires all manner of awkwardness, we often sustain ego blows and shame. Newkirk’s goal in this book is to drag the necessary embarrassment of learning out into the open and examine it, explore it, embrace it. He deals with math shame, reading guilt, and of course, my favorite, the insecurities we all feel around writing. And his answer? Self-generosity, both cultivating it for ourselves and teaching our students to extend this crucial grace inward as well. Newkirk defines it as “a capacity to keep going in the face of difficulty” (188) and the thing that “keeps us from vacillating between exaggerated vanity and exaggerated self-disgust”(189).
The thing I’ve always loved about Newkirk’s work is that he shows up as a real person on the page. He voices concerns about his own work and speaks to his own faults and blindspots. You don’t read Newkirk’s work for lesson planning. You read his work to see yourself. You come up on a sentence and proclaim, “Ah, that’s me! Yes, I’m so glad someone finally said this.”
March 19, 2018
I loved the emphasis in this book, on the emotional piece of learning, on how awful it can feel to do poorly or get an answer wrong in class, on how unrealistic our cheery language about the need for failure is. It's a bit of a wandering book, with a through line but otherwise not much structure, although I took that in stride and decided to enjoy it as an expression of exploration. Be warned that Newkirk is a professor of writing and that this field is his go-to for examples of lessons, student reactions, etc. Since I'm also a teacher of writing, I was fine with this choice, but there's nothing in the title or description of the book that would let a potential reader know that Newkirk is so very interested in the teaching of writing rather than teaching in general. (He is not, however, all that good at discussing canonical works of literature and in fact made at least two major errors in identifying characters and episodes, which annoyed me. If you don't know your Hamlet, don't quote it!) There's a lot of food for thought here, and I read with a red pen in my hand and will definitely go back and reread the sections I marked.
December 12, 2017
Nancie Atwell mentioned this book during the NCTE conference in November. She said it may be the most important book on education written in the last twenty years. I think she's right. Newkirk writes about a topic--embarrassment--that we mention from time to time but don't typically give the attention it warrants. I've thoroughly marked up my copy and will return to it regularly.
"We may say, 'I know how you feel'--but we really don't. And often we don't try hard enough; we short-circuit. Perhaps the best we can do is to invite stories, of illness, of writing, of reading--to ask, 'What is it like to be you?'" (Newkirk 82)
This would make a great all-staff-read for educators; however, with it's poignant reminder to be generous and forgiving with ourselves, it's a book for everyone.
"We may say, 'I know how you feel'--but we really don't. And often we don't try hard enough; we short-circuit. Perhaps the best we can do is to invite stories, of illness, of writing, of reading--to ask, 'What is it like to be you?'" (Newkirk 82)
This would make a great all-staff-read for educators; however, with it's poignant reminder to be generous and forgiving with ourselves, it's a book for everyone.
September 13, 2018
This is a thoughtful, philosophical education book that is just as much about teachers (and people in general) as it is about students. Newkirk challenges the argument that we all start out as natural learners and argues that learning is often unnatural because it requires us to be vulnerable and reveal weaknesses. He then looks at ways we can be more generous with ourselves and our students, inviting them to take intellectual risks in discussion, reading, writing, and math. Newkirk offers more of a mindset than a set of strategies, though there are some little strategies I picked up along the way. Overall, it will help me create a more encouraging environment for myself, my colleagues, and my students.
March 5, 2018
Many times, we, as teachers, are expected, either by our own doing or outside forces, are expected to put on a front of perfection. Newkirk offers the chance to be human again. I liked this book. It's different than many professional development type books for teachers. It's much more theory based than practical tips or strategies, but gives the reader a chance to think about a topic that normally goes ignored. It's certainty not a book that should be rushed should be savored. Many times I wish I was reading with others or spent more time pausing more to fully get immersed in the text. At times, the writing seemed to meander a bit and I needed to think about the overall connections.
July 29, 2020
Most of this book is excellent. It approaches embarrassment philosophically, psychologically, and in education. There are some good explanations for our students’ behaviors and sections that can be tweaked and discussed with students themselves for some meta cognitive practice. Even though I teaching English, I found the chapter on embarrassment in math most interesting and thought-provoking, whereas the reading and writing chapters didn’t really present anything I didn’t already know, probably bc I read two great writing books recently that already gave me an insight into embarrassment in reading and writing.
February 21, 2018
Reading this was like having a beer and a good conversation with my old friend. His voice comes through loud and clear. He even makes sense. I think his experience and thoughtfulness come together to offer useful insights into emotional embarrassments that interfere with all sorts of learning but especially school learning. Many of the problems may be avoidable.
Tom sent me a copy inscribed: To Paul, So happy we have stayed in touch over the years. You always bring back good memories of Oberlin. Best Wishes Tom Newkirk 10/23/2017
Tom sent me a copy inscribed: To Paul, So happy we have stayed in touch over the years. You always bring back good memories of Oberlin. Best Wishes Tom Newkirk 10/23/2017
July 31, 2018
I read this book in advance of the Conference on English Leadership’s upcoming Facebook discussion about it. As I expected, Newkirk’s writing gave me a lot on which to reflect both as a teacher and a literacy leader. I’m certain one of my go-to phrases when confronted with any challenging, perhaps overwhelming, situation will be “Draw the damn circle.” I cannot wait to begin discussing this book on August 12 with colleagues. Reach out to me if you want to join the conversation. (You must be a CEL member to do so, but membership is only $25 if you are an NCTE member.)
January 22, 2018
This book should be required reading for educators. I highlighted and tabbed an "embarrassing" number of lines and sections. While teachers may ask for practical action steps upon completing this read, I think the book is more about guiding us in interacting with students, and with each other.
Inspiring and insightful.
Inspiring and insightful.
October 26, 2018
The perfect book for my present state: veteran teacher torn between speaking up & remaining silent, looking for new ways to encourage & inspire, seeking tips for improving my writing & that of my students. For such a small book, it’s chock full of quotes & stories & strategies.
October 24, 2019
Thom Newkirk makes some keen observations regarding how embarrassment can impact learning. Eye-opening for sure. I think it would be great if all teachers had a copy of this to help reflect on how embarrassment has impacted their own lives and may potentially impact that of their students.
December 11, 2017
interesting view on education
February 10, 2018
I wasn't planning to read this whole book today, but once I started, I couldn't stop. This book should be required reading for all teachers.
July 5, 2018
This book is a powerful tool for teachers to help them understand their own feelings of embasrrassment as well as those of their students. I will refer back to parts of this book often.
July 16, 2018
Every educator should read this book. Every. Single. One.
September 22, 2018
Another winner by Newkirk. He seems to get better with each new book. If you want a classroom that encourages a growth mindset, be sure to read Embarrassment.
October 8, 2018
Mandatory reading for all teachers.
April 16, 2024
I love this book by Tom Newkirk and think often of this topic when teaching my students. It is a must-read for teachers and for anyone who has ever been a learner.
October 1, 2025
I love the idea, it gave me food for thought, but it’s not a practical guide to helping kids through embarrassment in a school setting.
November 28, 2018
Newkirk, especially in his book's final chapter, sells short how profound and well-thought his ideas are. As he acknowledges, there's a lot here that is echoed in the growth mindset literature. However, where Newkirk exceeds this work is in his acknowledgment of the profound role that emotions and human experience play in our willingness to take risks, push ourselves, and succeed as learners in all sorts of contexts. His book is confessional as well as it is inspiring. From an unexpected (but interesting!) chapter about math to a more conventional but still rich and more interesting than you might think chapter that draws lessons from athletes and coaches, Newkirk is full of insight and ideas that would be of interest to learners and teachers in any context.
May 3, 2018
I’m bias since Newkirk was a professor of mine, and since he mentions other teachers and mentors from my UNH years that I have fond memories of. That being said, so much is important to remember about how we talk to our students about skills they are developing and seeing ourselves as coaches who teach students how to deal with struggle and failure through providing them the language with which to assess where they went off course.
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February 18, 2018Newkirk is amazing. Please read. I only wish his books came in an e-book form.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews