What do you think?
Rate this book
Learning to Float: Memoir of a Caregiver-Husband
Allan and Deloris’s life together took a dramatic turn when she suffered a debilitating stroke. No longer an equal partner in marriage, Allan became Deloris’s caregiver, responsible for maintaining their household, as well as her wellbeing. Learning to Float describes Allan’s transformation from a criminal defense attorney to being a compassionate, emotionally vulnerable caregiver. Drawing on contemporaneously written emails and journal entries, Ament unflinchingly shares his emotional, mental and physical ups and downs, as he focuses on the love, humor, and opportunities for personal and spiritual growth he experienced in this journey. Anyone who could become a caregiver for a loved one now or in the future will benefit from Ament’s journey. Everyone will be buoyed by the love Allan and Deloris share as they embrace their new normal.
- GenresNonfiction
195 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2014
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
February 26, 2026
After reading Learning to Float by Allan Ament I looked up the characteristics of the memoir genre. Memoirs are personal stories that have specific attributes including:
- Covers a specific period of time or theme
- Often with a storytelling narrative with dialogue, events, a story arc.
- Shares authors personal memories, events, and/or interpretations
- Relates authors subjective experience, lessons, spiritual and/or emotional growth.
This book checks all of these boxes and maintains the engrossing readability of a novel.
Allan opens with the history of his relationship with Delores, how they met, how they chose to retire on Whidbey Island and the activities they shared together leading up to the day that he learned that Delores had had a massive stroke. From this point he transitions to the real purpose of his story, the challenge he faced and slowly overcame to be the loving caregiver and medical advocate that Delores suddenly and critically needed.
Delores's recovery from near death to regaining some of her mobility and much of her cognitive capacity is a story in itself. Allan uses Deloris's challenges as the backdrop for how he came to realize, sometimes by viewing himself in the symbolic mirror that she held up to him, who he was and who he needed to be to contribute to Delores recovery.
Delores was a different person after her stroke and he slowly realized that he could never change her back to the person she was before the stroke. He gradually learned what and where he needed to change.
Interestingly, his progress was often a matter of letting go of personality traits and assumptions that had made him successful his prior life. Rather than forcing changes in others which was critical in his career as a trial lawyer, he learned to accept and accomodate the current challenges and ambiguities which surfaced in Delores's condition nearly every day. Thus, he learned to float.
There were two instances that stood out in the book. One where a treatment that might have been beneficial for Deloris was not covered by their insurance. This was a rock that Alan knew he could move so he did the research and wrote the insurance company a detailed explanation of why it should be covered. Coverage was granted on the strength of that letter.
Another instance that illustrated that even though he knew that some of Delores's original physical and cognitive capacities might never return, he had faith in her willpower to overcome these challenges when she set her mind to it. As a result she was able to learn the lines and perform a part in a live play performed at the local playhouse in Langley. This success was a testament their progress both individually and as a married couple.
I later worked with Allan through a local nonprofit organization. I knew him as a gregarious personality that gave generously of his time. In real life as well as in the book, Alan is not bashful about his colorful lifestyle and broad accomplishments. Some might find this trait offputting but it's easy to overlook in the larger story.
Finally, the book concludes with a rich bibliography of resources for learning to become a caregiver and a list of lessons learned along the way. These two addendums alone make the book worth the price.
IMHO,
-jgp
- Covers a specific period of time or theme
- Often with a storytelling narrative with dialogue, events, a story arc.
- Shares authors personal memories, events, and/or interpretations
- Relates authors subjective experience, lessons, spiritual and/or emotional growth.
This book checks all of these boxes and maintains the engrossing readability of a novel.
Allan opens with the history of his relationship with Delores, how they met, how they chose to retire on Whidbey Island and the activities they shared together leading up to the day that he learned that Delores had had a massive stroke. From this point he transitions to the real purpose of his story, the challenge he faced and slowly overcame to be the loving caregiver and medical advocate that Delores suddenly and critically needed.
Delores's recovery from near death to regaining some of her mobility and much of her cognitive capacity is a story in itself. Allan uses Deloris's challenges as the backdrop for how he came to realize, sometimes by viewing himself in the symbolic mirror that she held up to him, who he was and who he needed to be to contribute to Delores recovery.
Delores was a different person after her stroke and he slowly realized that he could never change her back to the person she was before the stroke. He gradually learned what and where he needed to change.
Interestingly, his progress was often a matter of letting go of personality traits and assumptions that had made him successful his prior life. Rather than forcing changes in others which was critical in his career as a trial lawyer, he learned to accept and accomodate the current challenges and ambiguities which surfaced in Delores's condition nearly every day. Thus, he learned to float.
There were two instances that stood out in the book. One where a treatment that might have been beneficial for Deloris was not covered by their insurance. This was a rock that Alan knew he could move so he did the research and wrote the insurance company a detailed explanation of why it should be covered. Coverage was granted on the strength of that letter.
Another instance that illustrated that even though he knew that some of Delores's original physical and cognitive capacities might never return, he had faith in her willpower to overcome these challenges when she set her mind to it. As a result she was able to learn the lines and perform a part in a live play performed at the local playhouse in Langley. This success was a testament their progress both individually and as a married couple.
I later worked with Allan through a local nonprofit organization. I knew him as a gregarious personality that gave generously of his time. In real life as well as in the book, Alan is not bashful about his colorful lifestyle and broad accomplishments. Some might find this trait offputting but it's easy to overlook in the larger story.
Finally, the book concludes with a rich bibliography of resources for learning to become a caregiver and a list of lessons learned along the way. These two addendums alone make the book worth the price.
IMHO,
-jgp
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 10, 2016
Allan Ament wrote this book based on his personal experiences. His wife, Deloris had a stroke and Allan made the decision to become her full-time caregiver.
"Doing anything else never crossed my mind; she was my wife, my soulmate, and she needed my help. Of course, I would be there for her. I would use my intellect, my rationality to learn and master the skills and knowledge I would need to care for her. I would use the love and gratitude as sources of energy to keep me afloat through this journey."
The title; LEARNING TO FLOAT is based on how a leaf acts when it lands in water. The leaf does not struggle, it does not try to get away, it floats along wherever the water takes it. Sometimes the water is calm and peaceful and sometimes there are Rapids to contend with, but the leaf continues to float.
Allan's writing is emotionally raw while also being intellectually stimulating. He writes with truthfulness and introspection which many memoir authors lack. He holds nothing back and readers will love him at times and at times they won't, but at least he is truthful. He has not sugar-coated his actions or reactions and people who have been in similar situations will recognize his brutal honesty.
Though it may not have been his intention, but LEARNING TO FLOAT is also a story of true-love. Wedding vows usually include a vow to love each other "In sickness and in Health", but thankfully many couples never need to find out if they can uphold that vow. Allan and Deloris had their vow tested and have come through it with an understanding that in marriage, as in life, not everything is always easy. They now know that love and marriage can sometimes be frustrating and extremely trying, and that if that love is strong enough it will endure. This memoir proves that true love will inevitably prevail. In my humble opinion, that message is just as important as anything else that readers learn from reading this book.
This is not a self-help book or a caregiver guide. It is simply a recounting of Allan and Deloris's journey back to health after Deloris experienced a stroke in the right side of her brain. However, even though it is not a "guide", it is full of the wisdom Allan has learned during his ordeal. For example, when Deloris was first hospitalized, he needed help, but did not know how to ask for it, in fact, he even felt guilty for thinking about requesting help. A friend set him straight. Now he says; "I cannot fathom how anyone can go through something like this alone. Once I experienced the results of asking for assistance and felt how powerful the sense of needing others, and accepting their help, could be for both parties, it became easier. What a gift!"
I was going to write that anyone who is currently the caregiver for a loved one should read this book. However, I am amending that statement. This book should be read by every adult.
Why should every adult read this book?
The answer is simple: You just never know when you may become a caregiver and having an insight into what it may be like will be invaluable.
With an aging population, many people are finding themselves taking care of their elderly parents. Older people may find themselves caring for a spouse.
So, in closing my advice is to buy and read this book as soon as possible, and hope that you never find out first-hand what Allan experienced.
I rate this memoir as 5 out of 5 stars and will be recommending this book to all of my friends and family. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
To read more of my reviews or to see the full version of this review including pictures and links, visit my blog at http://AmiesBookReviews.wordpress.com
"Doing anything else never crossed my mind; she was my wife, my soulmate, and she needed my help. Of course, I would be there for her. I would use my intellect, my rationality to learn and master the skills and knowledge I would need to care for her. I would use the love and gratitude as sources of energy to keep me afloat through this journey."
The title; LEARNING TO FLOAT is based on how a leaf acts when it lands in water. The leaf does not struggle, it does not try to get away, it floats along wherever the water takes it. Sometimes the water is calm and peaceful and sometimes there are Rapids to contend with, but the leaf continues to float.
Allan's writing is emotionally raw while also being intellectually stimulating. He writes with truthfulness and introspection which many memoir authors lack. He holds nothing back and readers will love him at times and at times they won't, but at least he is truthful. He has not sugar-coated his actions or reactions and people who have been in similar situations will recognize his brutal honesty.
Though it may not have been his intention, but LEARNING TO FLOAT is also a story of true-love. Wedding vows usually include a vow to love each other "In sickness and in Health", but thankfully many couples never need to find out if they can uphold that vow. Allan and Deloris had their vow tested and have come through it with an understanding that in marriage, as in life, not everything is always easy. They now know that love and marriage can sometimes be frustrating and extremely trying, and that if that love is strong enough it will endure. This memoir proves that true love will inevitably prevail. In my humble opinion, that message is just as important as anything else that readers learn from reading this book.
This is not a self-help book or a caregiver guide. It is simply a recounting of Allan and Deloris's journey back to health after Deloris experienced a stroke in the right side of her brain. However, even though it is not a "guide", it is full of the wisdom Allan has learned during his ordeal. For example, when Deloris was first hospitalized, he needed help, but did not know how to ask for it, in fact, he even felt guilty for thinking about requesting help. A friend set him straight. Now he says; "I cannot fathom how anyone can go through something like this alone. Once I experienced the results of asking for assistance and felt how powerful the sense of needing others, and accepting their help, could be for both parties, it became easier. What a gift!"
I was going to write that anyone who is currently the caregiver for a loved one should read this book. However, I am amending that statement. This book should be read by every adult.
Why should every adult read this book?
The answer is simple: You just never know when you may become a caregiver and having an insight into what it may be like will be invaluable.
With an aging population, many people are finding themselves taking care of their elderly parents. Older people may find themselves caring for a spouse.
So, in closing my advice is to buy and read this book as soon as possible, and hope that you never find out first-hand what Allan experienced.
I rate this memoir as 5 out of 5 stars and will be recommending this book to all of my friends and family. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
To read more of my reviews or to see the full version of this review including pictures and links, visit my blog at http://AmiesBookReviews.wordpress.com
November 23, 2014
Reading Learning to float: Memoir of a caregiver husband gives a very good look into the differences men have compared to women when put into the situation of having to nurture and care for a loved one. Allan Ament became the caregiver of his wife Deloris after she had a stroke. Emotionally at times this book is a little hard to take. Allan's anger towards Deloris's inabilities after her stroke is difficult to read, since Allan is a retired criminal defense attorney he deserves some slack. The book does have humorous parts in it. You will get a good laugh now and then. Their life completely changed as husband and wife. The life they where so comfortable in changed. It took Allan a little while to get comfortable in his new role in the marriage. He did a good job learning what Deloris needed and what his role was. No two strokes are alike so the future is unknown in how much Deloris will progress. "700,000 Americans each year suffer a stroke. It is the third most common cause of death in the U.S.A. after heart attacks and cancer." That information is a little disturbing.
This is a very good book to read. It is well written. I think that it would be helpful to people in many difficult and stressful situations. Not just in the case of a stroke. It gave helpful details in how to handle hard and stressful situations. One important thing I learned is unless you take care for yourself, you will not be of much help to someone else.
From the ancient Chinese spiritual masters "Learning to float, we survive"
"Thank You Allan Ament for giving me the opportunity to review your book"
This is a very good book to read. It is well written. I think that it would be helpful to people in many difficult and stressful situations. Not just in the case of a stroke. It gave helpful details in how to handle hard and stressful situations. One important thing I learned is unless you take care for yourself, you will not be of much help to someone else.
From the ancient Chinese spiritual masters "Learning to float, we survive"
"Thank You Allan Ament for giving me the opportunity to review your book"
April 22, 2015
Reviewed on behalf of Readers' Favorite
Learning to Float by Allan Ament is a beautiful and insightful memoir about the author’s experiences as a caregiver to his wife after she experiences a stroke. Deloris, Allan’s wife of eighteen years, suffered a stroke in 2005. The memoir chronicles the challenges of turning from husband to carer. Allan has to learn to adapt to all the changes in his life, as well as the limitations his wife has to deal with. Although Deloris recovers moderately well, she is left unable to do many of the things she once did. One of the most poignant parts of the memoir was where he heard from a friend that Deloris’s brain was reverted to almost a two year old state. She had to relearn a lot of things she once did with easy.
I really loved Mr. Ament’s writing style. He almost has to go on his own journey of self-discovery and understanding of his wife’s new lifestyle and needs. He doesn’t shy away from discussing his difficult moments, especially where he loses his temper with Deloris. Mr. Ament does not hold back for the sake of the reader. He’s completely open and candid about his experiences. I found him to be a very astute individual, with a great emotional capacity. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has a family member or close friend who has experienced a stroke. Learning to Float by Allan Ament will make you laugh and cry, but most of all, have a deeper understanding and respect for those caring for family members with medical needs.
Learning to Float by Allan Ament is a beautiful and insightful memoir about the author’s experiences as a caregiver to his wife after she experiences a stroke. Deloris, Allan’s wife of eighteen years, suffered a stroke in 2005. The memoir chronicles the challenges of turning from husband to carer. Allan has to learn to adapt to all the changes in his life, as well as the limitations his wife has to deal with. Although Deloris recovers moderately well, she is left unable to do many of the things she once did. One of the most poignant parts of the memoir was where he heard from a friend that Deloris’s brain was reverted to almost a two year old state. She had to relearn a lot of things she once did with easy.
I really loved Mr. Ament’s writing style. He almost has to go on his own journey of self-discovery and understanding of his wife’s new lifestyle and needs. He doesn’t shy away from discussing his difficult moments, especially where he loses his temper with Deloris. Mr. Ament does not hold back for the sake of the reader. He’s completely open and candid about his experiences. I found him to be a very astute individual, with a great emotional capacity. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has a family member or close friend who has experienced a stroke. Learning to Float by Allan Ament will make you laugh and cry, but most of all, have a deeper understanding and respect for those caring for family members with medical needs.
March 19, 2015
Book Review originally published here: http://www.iheartreading.net/book-tou...
Learning to Float is a memoir that focuses on the lives of Allan and Deloris Ament. Allan used to be a criminal defense attorney, but after his wife Deloris suffers from a stroke, he becomes her primary caregiver. Next to the household chores, he also needs to take care of Deloris. In his memoir, he tells of how his wife’s illness changed his life and hers, their spiritual growth, the ups and downs, how it brought them even closer, and more.
Sometimes, the book is hard to read. It touches upon tough subjects, like illness, taking care of others and having others depend on you. At some point, Allan describes his anger at his wife’s illness – which is an understandable emotion, but it also shows how much pain he was in at the moment, and it’s emotional reading. There are a lot of emotional scenes throughout the books, and if you keep your eyes dry throughout, well, good luck with that. I certainly couldn’t.
Yet at the same time, the book offers humor and hope, and shows that even in dire situations, people can learn to adapt and change, and make the best of it. Truly inspiring.
Learning to Float is a memoir that focuses on the lives of Allan and Deloris Ament. Allan used to be a criminal defense attorney, but after his wife Deloris suffers from a stroke, he becomes her primary caregiver. Next to the household chores, he also needs to take care of Deloris. In his memoir, he tells of how his wife’s illness changed his life and hers, their spiritual growth, the ups and downs, how it brought them even closer, and more.
Sometimes, the book is hard to read. It touches upon tough subjects, like illness, taking care of others and having others depend on you. At some point, Allan describes his anger at his wife’s illness – which is an understandable emotion, but it also shows how much pain he was in at the moment, and it’s emotional reading. There are a lot of emotional scenes throughout the books, and if you keep your eyes dry throughout, well, good luck with that. I certainly couldn’t.
Yet at the same time, the book offers humor and hope, and shows that even in dire situations, people can learn to adapt and change, and make the best of it. Truly inspiring.
November 15, 2014
Allan Ament really can tell it like it is. He gives a voice to those who are family caregivers, relating frustrations along with many other emotions that will surely come as they care for loved ones. He gives helpful insights that will inspire those in the same situation as well as anyone who finds themselves faced by a challenging 'new normal'. I was touched by the love he has for his wife, and enjoyed reading about becoming a caregiver from the husband's point of view.
September 16, 2016
This is achingly beautiful and occasuinally amusing account of a former criminal-defense attorney's struggle to help his once articulate, journalist wife deal with the effects of a life-altering stroke. i found myself completely absorbed in their story, their love, their dependence on the kindness of others. And satisfied that progress was made, once they stopped resisting life's quixotic currents ... and truly learned to float.
May 28, 2015
Here’s a transparent, engaging, and inspiring narrative about one man’s experience caring for his wife after she suffers a stroke, a fitting read for anyone who believes in learning and growing through life’s challenges.
Reviewed at Online Book Club. I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.
Reviewed at Online Book Club. I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.
June 7, 2015
Very interesting memoir of a high-powered lawyer shifting emotional gears and becoming a full-time caregiver for his wife, who suffered a devastating stroke. He freely admits the difficulty of the situation, to the point of almost becoming abusive with frustration toward this wife. It ends with a set of helpful guidelines for "floating" in similar situations.
April 26, 2015
Allan Ament gives us a thorough and vulnerable account of what he went through and how his life flipped upside down in an instant.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews