Heroes in My Head: A Memoir

by Judy Rebick

In this riveting memoir, Judy Rebick, one of Canada’s best-known feminists, lays bare the public and private battles that have shaped her life. She documents two major decades in her life: the 1980s, when she became a high-profile spokesperson for the pro-choice movement during the fight to legalize abortion; and the 1990s, when she took on her biggest challenge as a public figure by becoming president of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women.

Here, for the first time, she also reveals the very private battles she waged during these important decades. The result is a fascinating, heartbreaking, but ultimately empowering story.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Feminism, Biography, Canada, Psychology, Autobiography

304 pages, Paperback

Published January 5, 2021

About the author

Judy Rebick is a well-known social justice and feminist activist. My new book "[book Heroes in My Head] is a memoir of my healing from Multiple Personality Syndrome (now called DID). I am also the founding publisher of , Canada's progressive multimedia web site.

Reviews

[Banu Yıldıran Genç · Rating 4 out of 5]

bir ara deliler gibi örgü örerek ağır yaşamlar izlediğim bir dönem vardı. şimdi depresif bir ruh haliyle buna tutunduğumu düşünüyorum. ama dr.nowzadaran’ı izledikçe insanların nasıl 300 kilolara çıktığını anladım. pek çoğunun geçmişinde aileleri tarafından yapılmış cinsel istismar vardı. kendilerini yok etmek, bedenlerine bir zırh geçirmek demekti. ve yemeye böyle başlamışlardı.
insan zihninin kendini korumak için bulduğu yöntemler inanılmaz. işte bu anı kitapta judy rebick çocukken babasının istismarından kaçınabilmek için kişiliğinin nasıl bölündüğünü, on bir ayrı kişiyle yaşamına devam ettiğini anlatıyor.
son derece kişisel ve bir o kadar da bilimsel bu kitapta aslında bir kadının 5 yaşından itibaren nasıl var olduğunu görüyoruz. kitabın 2. bölümüne kadar rebick’in patriyarkaya ve kanunlarına karşı bir savaşçı gibi durduğu politik yaşamını okuyoruz. kanada’da şimdiki başbakanın babası şerefsiz mesela… kadınların seçme seçilme hakkı, kürtaj hakkı, temsil hakkı üzerine yıllar süren bir mücadele. bu bakımdan son derece politik bir kitap.
oysa judy rebick’in kendisini kaybedene kadar çalışmasının sebebi 40’lı yaşlarının ortalarında ortaya çıkıyor. bastırdığı ve unutttuğu taciz hikayesi.
sonra başka kişiliklerle beraber anılar sökün ediyor. büyükannesine itirafı ve yediği tokat. her şeyi unutması. bacaklarını açmasını söyleyen babasına karşı uydurduğu diğer kişiliklerin savaşı. yetişkinliğinde erkeklerden korktuğunda diğer kişiliklerinin yönetimi ele alması… ve sonunda aileyle yüzleşme. elbette ret. annenin de çaktırmadan babanın yanında taraf olması.
bu tacize uğramadan büyümemiş bizler, tüm kız çocukları için çok tanıdık. taciz eden kişi bazen buradaki gibi çok yakın ve çok travmatik. bazen başka bir aile bireyi… daha kolay atlatılan.
“kafamdaki kahramanlar” aynı zamanda kadın hareketinin gücünü,kanada’da nereden nereye geldiğini anlatan bir kitap. bu nedenle bir tarih anlatısı. 80’lerde kürtajı yasaklayan, 90’lara kadar tecavüz mağdurunun ahlakını sorgulayan yasalara kadar. ve kadınlara, kadınların mücadelesine yine hayran kalıyoruz.
yazar hayatının uzun bir döneminde terapi alıyor, sonra kişilikleri için ayrı bir terapi alıyor. bu ne büyük bir şans. belki bu sayede bu kitabı okuyabiliyoruz. judy rebick hayatının ilerleyen döneminde tüm kişiliklerini birleştirip ailesiyle yüzleşiyor.
bize ise her kadının bu şansa sahip olması temennisi kalıyor.
iyi kardeş, iyi arkadaş ve şanslı bir yaşam… ne güzel temenniler.
kitabın başında amca-enişte teyze-hala karışıklığı var. sonrasındaki çeviri gayet iyi. sondaki açıklamalarla politik kurumları daha iyi anlıyoruz.
ve her zaman söyleyelim: aile çoğu zaman cehennemdir. kadınlar bu dünyadan alacaklı.
feminist yayınevi güldünya’nın eline sağlık.

[Farzana Doctor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished this wonderful memoir by Judy Rebick! It’s a page-turning chronicle of her political and personal life and how Dissociative Identity disorder helped her cope with trauma and fueled her “superpowers” in activism. I am so grateful for her silence breaking and her fierce leadership.

A fabulous read for anyone interested in North American politics, political history and mental health.

[Judy Rebick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heroes In My Head my new memoir is now available in bookstores everywhere in Canada. Also available electronically.

[Jane Mulkewich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. What a story; what a woman; what a writer. I was privileged to hear Judy read from this book yesterday at GritLit (Hamilton's literary festival), and bought my copy (and had her sign it of course) and did not put the book down until I finished it. A riveting read indeed. Different from all of her previous books because here she reveals her childhood sexual abuse (which was repressed even to her own memory until she was triggered many many years later), and the eleven personalities she developed (multiple personality disorder - now called dissociative identity disorder - but Judy argues it should not even be labelled a disorder - it was a protective strategy to help survive an injury). In Judy's case, she was healing / dealing with all of this when she was president of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women and leading high-profile national struggles... she has long been a hero of my mine, and to know more about her very personal struggles has demonstrated her bravery and her leadership all that much more.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an honest, brave, and uninhibited telling of Judy Rebick's life. If you know her already, this memoir will make you further appreciate her life and work and if you don't know her, there couldn't be a better introduction. She opens herself to the world by revealing her trauma, her coping mechanisms, and describes how both manifested themselves throughout her prolific activist career. The book offers unequivocal insights into Dissociative Identity Disorder as well as a fascinating chronology of Rebick's significant role in Canadian women's rights and especially the pro-choice movement.

It's refreshing to hear a woman be candidly aware of her own strengths (and to be unabashed in sharing them), while also acknowledging her privileges and support systems; this is the type of uplifting role model needed in feminism and activism today. Thank you Judy!

[J.H. Gordon · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Based on the back cover description, I was expecting a focused, detailed account/analysis of the author's experience of dissociative identity disorder ; instead, this book was a linear telling of Rebick's life from childhood to the present - more autobiography than memoir. Rebick has lived an interesting life, however, the awkward, prosaic writing left me bored and frustrated at times. I do admire the author for her tireless social justice work, particularly with abortion rights in Canada, but I wanted more focus and sophistication from the writing.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Judy Rebick’s memoir, Heroes in my head, reads like a fast paced novel, interweaving a most personal story of discovery- addressing questions of sexual abuse, memory, mental health, and healing work, with a life of political activism. Within this narrative the book also shares the history of some of the most important moments in progressive history, and feminist history in Canada - and identifies moments that relate past movements to present day challenges and debates.

[Mary Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful book Judy Rebick’s “Heroes in my Head” is. Thanks to her for writing it. It’s dynamite. And I’m sure will have an impact. With the #MeToo movement changing the conversation so that women are heard and believed, this book has arrived at just the right time to make waves. A page turner. I admire Judy’s courage and am in awe of all that she has thus far accomplished, not least of which is/was the courage to face her childhood abuse and to deal with and integrate her alters. Bravo!

[Sonja Greckol]

They made life better for all of us...
Heroes In My Head is a remarkable testament to resilience and recovery and to the juice that fixing the world provides. It needs a very wide readership; actually no, we need this book to have a wide readership. Against the backdrop of Quebec and Canadian labour and feminist politics since the 80s, Rebick recounts her discovering and unpacking the injuries inflicted by her sexually abusive father. Rebick, a journalist by training, interrogates her bravery and independence in the light of the dissociation precipitated by this abuse. Her capacity to dissociate, she argues, allowed her to travel independently and act politically without fear. Her telling does not minimize the arduous personal work of recovering these hidden injuries. As a reader who is Rebick's age contemporary and who has marvelled at her political courage and persistence, I am moved by the chronicle of her political work that has made lives better for two generations of women in Canada.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently finished reading "Looking for Jane" in the epilogue the author mentioned that she interviewed Judy Rebick for the book. I promptly went online to discover that Judy Rebick had a memoir so I promptly borrowed the book from the library. I've listened to Judy Rebick's memoir over a few days as I was curious to learn more about her. I remember hearing her name when I worked for the Ontario Government and I think she may have been at an event run by the organization that I worked at.

Judy was involved in helping legalize abortion in Ontario and worked closely with Dr. Morgenthaler for a number of years. She was also President of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women for a few years in the 1990s.

She is someone I had always thought of as a change agent. I generally prefer reading books but an audio book that was narrated by her was worth considering. I've listened to a few memoirs that were audio books that I enjoyed.

She talks about experiences of having been sexually abused in her childhood so this may not be for everyone.

I've enjoyed this and I would recommend this to someone who is interested in equality and social action. If you can get the audio version of this book I would highly recommend it.

[Ian Kellogg · Rating 5 out of 5]

All of us have at least some trauma in our lives, and many of us struggle with deep traumas that can make it hard to cope and recover. Rebick's book will be helpful to many who read it, I expect. I know it helped me.

[Hannah]

-Judy has lived an amazing life, and I loved reading about it
-learning about her trauma and DID was especially interesting, and I'm grateful she chose to share her story
-Judy is truly a badass woman and I have a lot of respect for her

[Amber · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't overly love this book. I've had it on my bookshelf for over a year and finally picked it up as I heard hit and miss things about it and thought to give it a try. I found myself skipping parts of it since I expected the plot to grab my attention better than it did. Overall it was okay. I might give it another try down the road to see if my perspective changes.

[Justine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating!

[Savannah Beckman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written. Not a lot of focus on D.I.D.

[Mariah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book a lot more than expected, really great insight into an important part of recent history with an incredible personal story along with it. Would recommend!

[David Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this a fascinating book. I have been familiar with Judy 's political work for many years and particilarly with the leading role she played in the pro-choice movement... I'm also veey interested in mental health issues. Even after having read the book it's hard to imagine that Judy has been as effective in politics as she has been... despite living with dissociative identity disorder. The secret to understanding this is perhaps that as Judy recounts the multiple identities feveloped to protect her from memories of the trauma of sexual abuse by her father. Judy's account of this and her trcovery makes amazing reading.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this was like reading a small part of my own history; those days of fighting anti-choicers helped form who I became; I'd forgotten some of the details and loved that she brought them back for me. Plus, normalizing the experience of developing personalities to survive childhood violence allowed me to breath a little deeper for all survivors. She is not crazy. She is an honest and brave woman.

[Jesse Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good gook. Was a page turner for me since page 1. Honest look at how trauma and past events can affect us through our entire lives.

[Hannah Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Judy Rebick's Heroes in My Head: A Memoir is a gripping and frank personal story, with vivid scenes, memorable characters, and heart-breaking bravery. A public life, battling for better lives for women and for people who have been marginalized is contrasted with the private sorrow and the remarkable strategy her psyche devised to let her survive.

[Marlene Hayes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Until recently, I had never heard of or read anything by Judy Redick. She is a Canadian feminist and activist and has worked for legalization of abortion and the need for the political safeguarding of women's rights. the heroes in her head are the personalities created to safeguard her forgotten secret of childhood sexual abuse.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel really mixed on how to rate this book. The writing was decent and I found the parts specific to her alters and her struggle to come to terms with who she truly was fascinating and courageous.

But it does feel at times like the author is force feeding her political agenda to the reader. She does warn us in the book - as she describes herself - that she is very black and white. But woah. No gray at times in here. Although it is interesting to read the perspective of a “radical” and have insight into their process and approach. I even lean to forgiveness a bit on this - it is her memoir. If I had the open platform I might take full advantage too.... And whether or not I agree with her politics or approach she is an accomplished female leader - who did so in the face of monumental challenges.

Overall a worthwhile read. My favourite excerpt is from the epilogue. And sums up my feelings as well on mental illness and social stigma:
“I think we all have a beautiful brain, but sometimes trauma provokes extraordinary creativity as well as extraordinary destruction. Understanding that helps me understand how much creativity and energy is lost to the world because we marginalize people labelled “mentally ill”.
Beautifully said.

[Stephen Law · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic and important book. Raw, revealing, honest, complicated - super well written. I also found it so insightful to read about the backdrop history/context of feminism, Marxism and social movements in Canada at the time - and to watch the struggles both personal and social played out so vividly. Bravely written and shared for all of us to learn from.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brave and compelling book that chronicles Judy’s life and her experiences with multiple personality disorder. Great insight into Judy’s life as one of the most prominent activists and feminists in Canada.

[Mari LivTollefsonCarlson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this memoir this prominent Canadian feminist and founder of rabble.ca, coming to terms with childhood abuse makes her a better activist.
Key events trigger buried memories from Rebick’s early childhood. Brooklyn natives, the family moves to Canada in 1955, when she is 10. She attends McGill University, which her father says “ruined her” (53). She lives up the 60s culture, writing for the school newspaper, losing her virginity, smoking cigarettes and dope, and joining the anti-war movement. After a post-college relationship turns violent, some of which she forgets, she moves back to Toronto, then New York, then travels to Europe and the Middle East. She comes home early due to a serious illness, vowing that if recovers, she’ll give herself to changing the world (105). She becomes a Trotskyite, working a union plane factory job until health problems prevent her from continuing. By the mid-80s, she does as much unpaid activist work as paid writing work. Her unrelenting pace and fearless confrontation of many challenges finally catch up with her. With a therapist, she begins to understand memories from which she’s disassociated, that pop back into her mind. After “the garden shears attack” (4) incident, in which she protects the abortion clinic founder, Dr Morgenthaler, from a protester, and her encounter with a blind patient at the clinic who is abused because of her abortion, images emerge of herself at five, with her father.... “Alters” also emerge, eleven distinct personalities in all. This inner work coincides with her increasing responsibility on behalf of the National Action Committee on the Status of Women (NAC). The two go hand in hand. “Being able to see multiple perspectives on my own life allowed me to better understand my opponents,” she says (140). Uncovering abuse and the alters who help her survive it, she recognizes the source of both her pain and passion. The book concludes in gratitude for all involved in her healing process, as well as a glossary and an index.
Candid and rich in history, Rebick offers timely insight into the personal become political.

[JC · Rating 4 out of 5]

I admittedly came to this book for the Trotskyist history, of which there was some, but that was certainly not the focus of this book. Yet it was a very fascinating look at dissociative identity disorder, which I first encountered through a terrible evangelical novel, which I loved at the time I read it (it’s name will remain unmentioned). I was particularly drawn to this mental phenomenon while reading and watching Atwood’s Alias Grace (my favourite Atwood novel I’ve read so far) and a skimming through Ian Hacking’s Rewriting the Soul.

Rebick’s story is very strange, mostly because the human brain is very strange and does very strange things. It was a very gripping story of trying to work through repressed memories of sexual abuse as a child, dealing with dissociation episodes and various identities whirring around her head, keeping up with work advocating for the deaf community, engaging in feminist and reproductive rights issues, and revolutionary Marxist politics.

Admittedly, I found Rebick’s bohemian lifestyle overwhelming, and I got the impression that many in her circle of radical politics shared similar life experiences. Is there like a correlation between Trotskyism and polyamory or something? I know Lenin was very conventionally monogamous as a person, but I do get the sense Trotsky liked to get around. I mean I only know about the Frida Kahlo stuff but that seems telling already. Is that a thing? Anyone know?

Anyway, the inside view of Canadian Trotskyist politics was fascinating, including the various mergers and splits between various factions, and arguments that unfolded regarding the limits of tolerating tendencies and arguments over Marxist doctrine. Rebick was also in a romantic relationship with a Maoist who later joined her in her Trotskyist political circles, and navigating those diverging political tendencies was interesting also.

And of course the political struggles around reproductive rights was really fascinating, and it’s remarkable how much Rebick was able to accomplish with so much else going on in her life: complex romantic relationships, abuse, mental health struggles, and so on. A fascinating reflection on life.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

The news is always on at dinner time in my parents' house, I grew-up that way. I suppose it's one of the reasons I developed an interest in politics. One result of this is that I have very clear memories of Judy Rebick flooding into our kitchen from the late '80s through the mid-'90s. At the time, I recall disliking her, perhaps even intensely. I thought she was negative and very angry. It turns out, I was correct.
During the period she was working on abortion advocacy, Judy began to have flashbacks to a traumatic event that sent her to seek counselling. With the help of a psychologist, Judy was able to uncover the truth of her childhood. She was sexually abused by her father. The result was dissociation resulting in multiple (many) personalities. The personalities had been hidden to Judy until the flashbacks. Most of us have heard about this sort of thing in passing or encountered it in a fictional plot in movie, but to read about what it was like in the flesh is another story.
"Heroes in My Head" is in Judy Rebick's unique and authentic voice. I had a hard time putting it down. The period Judy worked through these issues with a psychologist was a time when Canadians set-up the legal framework for sexual consent and abortion; and went through many painful iterations of constitutional negotiations. In her work with various organizations, but most memorably NAC, Judy was at the forefront of the of all of these battles. As an adult I really appreciated being able to read about those events from a person who ran the campaigns.
Judy has a lot to say about the impact of her personalities, one that I think is pretty interesting, but that's for you to read. Despite the fact that this came out a few years ago, I'm going to say it might be the best book I've read this year. If you're interested in women's issues or Canadian politics you should read "Heroes in My Head".

[Diane B · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a surprising revelation to learn that one of the most fierce and outspoken Canadian feminists of the 90's underwent therapy to help integrate 11 multiple personalities during the same period of time she was the president of the National Action Committee on the status of women.

Rebick was just as frank speaking on the page as she was on the stage of the Heliconian where she shared her story. Just within the last few weeks, she has seen film taken while her alters inhabited her and spoke with her therapist. How uncanny that must have been - I hope she writes an update for a second edition and that it gets released to more fanfare.

In this memoir Rebick reveals she suffered sexual abuse from her father that began when she was 5 and lasted throughout her childhood. Her coping mechanism was to dissociate and suppress the memories, with the help of heroes she created in her head.

The memories and personalities began to emerge in midlife, long after she had successfully established herself as a strong advocate for the rights of the deaf, indigenous, poor and marginalized members of society. Her fighting spirit was put to good use and making a positive difference in so many lives.

What an incredible story! You should read it. It could make you see the world a bit differently, and the mentally ill with more compassion and respect.

[Patsey]

Feels wrong to critique a memoir but I will give my thoughts.
*Thank you Judy Rebick for your work to better my life and the lives of my 3 daughters
*I thought the book was all over the place but of course life is isn’t it?
*Her impressions of Israel when travelling there in 1970.
“…Golda Meir, a rare female political leader, was prime minister, but for a young woman the streets of Israel were worse than the streets of New York. Israeli guys were incredibly aggressive and sexist. I felt more at risk than ever before. The racism really bothered me. In Jerusalem, there was very little mixing between the Arabs and Jews. … There was no law that required Arabs to sit in the back of the bus, but they always did, and no Jewish Israeli ever sat next to them.” Judy Rebick is Jewish.

[Mark Grieveson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly captivating, engaging and brave. Ms Rebick describes her life, in the US and then Canada, from her childhood to the present. The struggles and challenges she faces and overcomes, both professionally and personally, are very gripping. Her accomplishments for social justice, in the face of a society that is often indifferent and sometimes even hostile, are compelling to read. Also, the description of the ethos of the time period, during the 1960s to the 1980s, is quite illuminating, especially for those who lived through these times. Highly recommended.