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Every Third Thought: On life, death and the endgame
In 1995, at the age of 42, Robert McCrum suffered a dramatic and near-fatal stroke, the subject of his acclaimed memoir My Year Off. Ever since that life-changing event, McCrum has lived in the shadow of death, unavoidably aware of his own mortality. And now, 21 years on, he is noticing a change: his friends are joining him there. Death has become his contemporaries' every third thought. The question is no longer "Who am I?" but "How long have I got?" and "What happens next?" This book takes us on a journey through a year and towards death itself. As he acknowledges his own and his friends' aging, McCrum confronts an existential question: in a world where we have learnt to live well at all costs, can we make peace with what Freud calls "the necessity of dying?" Searching for answers leads him to others for advice and wisdom, and this book is populated by the voices of brain surgeons, psychologists, cancer patients, hospice workers, writers and poets. Witty, lucid and provocative, this book is an enthralling exploration of what it means to approach the "end game," and begin to recognize, perhaps reluctantly, that we are not immortal.
- GenresNonfictionDeath
256 pages, Hardcover
Published August 24, 2017
29 people are currently reading
176 people want to read
About the author
Robert McCrum
65 books41 followersRobert McCrum is an associate editor of the Observer. He was born and educated in Cambridge. For nearly 20 years he was editor-in-chief of the publishers Faber & Faber. He is the co-author of The Story of English (1986), and has written six novels. He was the literary editor of the Observer from 1996 to 2008, and has been a regular contributor to the Guardian since 1990
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
April 13, 2018
A depressing book on ageing and intimations of mortality. The author is old before his time. Having hit his 60s, he's already reflecting on pushing up daisies and the awful journey there. He can't let go of a stroke he suffered well over 20 years ago and recovered from. "Sixty," he says, (despites medical advances and people living longer and more active lives) "is not the new forty. It's just the same old sixty." Although he has no faith, he suggests that just in case there is a god, we should act like there is so that if there is one we get a reward rather than punishment.
The book contains many literary references , some deep philosophical thoughts, plenty of name-dropping, but no humour at all, except for one quote. He said he had a friend who was a successful novelist and she wanted on her tombstone,
"Finally, a good plot."
Recommended for miserable hypochondriac types. This book will send you on paths of thought that you can later add to your already depressing conversation of all the ills that beset you now and might beset you in the future. We're all gonna die!
The book contains many literary references , some deep philosophical thoughts, plenty of name-dropping, but no humour at all, except for one quote. He said he had a friend who was a successful novelist and she wanted on her tombstone,
"Finally, a good plot."
Recommended for miserable hypochondriac types. This book will send you on paths of thought that you can later add to your already depressing conversation of all the ills that beset you now and might beset you in the future. We're all gonna die!
March 1, 2018
Very deep, depressing at times but very thought provoking book about the end of life.
Well written and worth reading. I listened to the audiobook and the narration was really good.
Well written and worth reading. I listened to the audiobook and the narration was really good.
September 16, 2017
From BBC radio 4 - Book of the week:
How do we approach and accept death?
In 1995, at the age of 42, Robert McCrum suffered a dramatic and near-fatal stroke - the subject of his acclaimed memoir My Year Off. Ever since that life-changing event, he has lived in the shadow of death, unavoidably aware of his own mortality. And now, 21 years on, he is noticing a change - his friends are joining him there. Death has become his contemporaries' every third thought. The question is no longer "who am I?" - but "how long have I got?" and "what happens next?"
With the words of Robert's favourite authors as travel companions, Every Third Thought takes us on a journey through a year and towards death itself. As he acknowledges his own and his friends' ageing, he confronts an existential question - in a world where we have learned to live well at all costs, can we make peace with what Freud calls "the necessity of dying"? Searching for answers leads him to others for advice and wisdom.
Witty, lucid and provocative, this is an enthralling exploration of what it means to approach the end-game, and begin to recognise, perhaps reluctantly, that we are not immortal.
Episode 1:
Robert has a sudden and unexpected fall in the street, resulting in a head injury.
Written by Robert McCrum
Abridged by Barry Johnston
Read by Nicky Henson
Produced by David Roper
A Heavy Entertainment production for BBC Radio 4.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b092lz2g
How do we approach and accept death?
In 1995, at the age of 42, Robert McCrum suffered a dramatic and near-fatal stroke - the subject of his acclaimed memoir My Year Off. Ever since that life-changing event, he has lived in the shadow of death, unavoidably aware of his own mortality. And now, 21 years on, he is noticing a change - his friends are joining him there. Death has become his contemporaries' every third thought. The question is no longer "who am I?" - but "how long have I got?" and "what happens next?"
With the words of Robert's favourite authors as travel companions, Every Third Thought takes us on a journey through a year and towards death itself. As he acknowledges his own and his friends' ageing, he confronts an existential question - in a world where we have learned to live well at all costs, can we make peace with what Freud calls "the necessity of dying"? Searching for answers leads him to others for advice and wisdom.
Witty, lucid and provocative, this is an enthralling exploration of what it means to approach the end-game, and begin to recognise, perhaps reluctantly, that we are not immortal.
Episode 1:
Robert has a sudden and unexpected fall in the street, resulting in a head injury.
Written by Robert McCrum
Abridged by Barry Johnston
Read by Nicky Henson
Produced by David Roper
A Heavy Entertainment production for BBC Radio 4.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b092lz2g
August 26, 2018
I read the first ~13 pages and skimmed the rest. McCrum has already written about his life-threatening 1995 stroke (I have a secondhand copy of My Year Off to read). It left him with minor walking difficulties, and in 2014, aged 60, he tripped and fell in central London. He hit his head and had to go to the hospital, but was sent home with just a bandage and some painkillers. Still, he treated this as a wake-up call and enrolled in physiotherapy as he faced up to his mortality in a new way. In his research he met with a surgeon, a psychoanalyst, and patients with cancer and Parkinson’s. He asks what a good death is and what the dying deserve. The problem with the book is that I’ve read many of McCrum’s source texts, and he doesn’t add much to their collective wisdom on ageing and death. I have to hope I’ll prefer his memoir of the stroke.
September 10, 2017
This edition probably shouldn't be on here; it specifically says it's "as read on BBC's Radio 4 Book of the Week", which is not actually a book. However, that is precisely the version I experienced, so I'll put my review here.
"We're all going to die. Alone. Deal with it." There you have it, a summation of this book. One never knows, with these abridged versions, whether the abridger did any damage in their efforts. This book is getting rave reviews, and the full description mentions "the voices of brain surgeons, psychologists, cancer patients, hospice workers, writers and poets." I don't remember it like that. Yes, there were a lot of quotes, but that was one of the issues I had. Basically, it was just one long stream of thoughts on death---or perhaps better said the same thought on death expressed different ways---with no direction or cohesion. It didn't have an obvious beginning and ending. The quotes and observations seemed to be sprinkled in here and there, but randomly; they could have been anywhere and been just as effective. Or ineffective. They didn't relate other than to also be about death. I found the whole thing tedious and depressing. There was no silver lining, no hopeful message. Because, after all, yes, we are all going to die, alone.
I think the reader might have also had a hand in my low rating. There were times when I sensed there might have been a funny... "Was that humor?" But Nicky Henson's delivery fell with a thud, so I was never quite sure. The book description mentions wit, so I'm guessing that another reader might have been able to have a better go at it. Regardless, I've read other pieces that dealt with death in a much lighter and more uplifting manner, so perhaps this is just one for the pessimists.
"We're all going to die. Alone. Deal with it." There you have it, a summation of this book. One never knows, with these abridged versions, whether the abridger did any damage in their efforts. This book is getting rave reviews, and the full description mentions "the voices of brain surgeons, psychologists, cancer patients, hospice workers, writers and poets." I don't remember it like that. Yes, there were a lot of quotes, but that was one of the issues I had. Basically, it was just one long stream of thoughts on death---or perhaps better said the same thought on death expressed different ways---with no direction or cohesion. It didn't have an obvious beginning and ending. The quotes and observations seemed to be sprinkled in here and there, but randomly; they could have been anywhere and been just as effective. Or ineffective. They didn't relate other than to also be about death. I found the whole thing tedious and depressing. There was no silver lining, no hopeful message. Because, after all, yes, we are all going to die, alone.
I think the reader might have also had a hand in my low rating. There were times when I sensed there might have been a funny... "Was that humor?" But Nicky Henson's delivery fell with a thud, so I was never quite sure. The book description mentions wit, so I'm guessing that another reader might have been able to have a better go at it. Regardless, I've read other pieces that dealt with death in a much lighter and more uplifting manner, so perhaps this is just one for the pessimists.
January 20, 2019
Death Porn for thoughtful readers….
This is a strange book. It’s about dealing with ones’ old age – but not in terms of the physical or aspirational stuff – but more in terms of the thoughts that confront humans as they get closer to the end of their lives. It is also a somber reminder of the physical issues that creep up incessantly, and their impacts on the minds. It particularly sticks out in a world where denying age is well in vogue, seen in aphorisms such as “70 is the new 50”, and such. The author Robert McCrum offers a realistic antidote, and in this, joins the likes of Atul Gawande and Henry Marsh in contemplating death and old age.
At times it is a difficult and slightly depressing read as he talks about hospices, interviews patients with terminal illnesses, highlights the fragility of the body that creeps up with old age, and the role of religion. Little comments show how words change when describing actions relating to the aged – what was “he fell” becomes a more ominous “he had a fall”.
The book is an interesting read, written by an erudite person and peppered with well timed quotes and invocations of Keats, TS Elliot, Donne, Thomas Tallis and many others whose works the author believes help in dealing with the inevitable.
I thought about rating it 3 stars, but went finally with 4, for the gentle manner in which McCrum discusses what most of us avoid even thinking about. Better to think about it in a calm way rather than try to go through life in denial of old age.
This is a strange book. It’s about dealing with ones’ old age – but not in terms of the physical or aspirational stuff – but more in terms of the thoughts that confront humans as they get closer to the end of their lives. It is also a somber reminder of the physical issues that creep up incessantly, and their impacts on the minds. It particularly sticks out in a world where denying age is well in vogue, seen in aphorisms such as “70 is the new 50”, and such. The author Robert McCrum offers a realistic antidote, and in this, joins the likes of Atul Gawande and Henry Marsh in contemplating death and old age.
At times it is a difficult and slightly depressing read as he talks about hospices, interviews patients with terminal illnesses, highlights the fragility of the body that creeps up with old age, and the role of religion. Little comments show how words change when describing actions relating to the aged – what was “he fell” becomes a more ominous “he had a fall”.
The book is an interesting read, written by an erudite person and peppered with well timed quotes and invocations of Keats, TS Elliot, Donne, Thomas Tallis and many others whose works the author believes help in dealing with the inevitable.
I thought about rating it 3 stars, but went finally with 4, for the gentle manner in which McCrum discusses what most of us avoid even thinking about. Better to think about it in a calm way rather than try to go through life in denial of old age.
November 20, 2019
A book about dying and death might be depressing but McCrum’s humanity won’t allow it.
April 7, 2018
Struggling to find realism
Honest and open search into the subject of death and dying. An interesting approach to the issues by people with a special interest, for one reason or another. But it begins and ends on the same premise: death is the end. This life is all there is. What attempts are made to grapple with a religious perspective are condescending and unserious. Pity, but it seems that liberal Britain cannot bear the possibility that death might not be the end. The loss of hope is total.
Honest and open search into the subject of death and dying. An interesting approach to the issues by people with a special interest, for one reason or another. But it begins and ends on the same premise: death is the end. This life is all there is. What attempts are made to grapple with a religious perspective are condescending and unserious. Pity, but it seems that liberal Britain cannot bear the possibility that death might not be the end. The loss of hope is total.
October 10, 2017
Ever so slightly depressing as the author ponders death and dealing with growing old, but some keen insights into the inevitable here, particularly the focus on the loss of the soul and personality that is Alzheimer's. A genuinely moving book that reiterates the need to enjoy life while you can, keep healthy, love and be loved...
February 13, 2018
Is it really? Is every third thought of yours about life, death and the endgame? Robert McCrum suffered a near fatal stroke at the age of 42. Since then his understanding and feelings on death became quite different. In this book he is on a journey toward making peace, gaining wisdom and advice from others.
October 28, 2017
The author's brush with the endgame did nothing other than furnish him with a narcissistic ability to portray his own experiences punctuated with long quotes from other authors. It was well written enough to read to the final page but the nauseating romantic ending left me rolling my eyes.
December 13, 2017
Interesting read. Am glad I read it but not the best book out there. This is more of a philosophical musing on ageing (the struggles more than the positives). I enjoyed the soulful links to poetry and music but Atol Gawunde's books, and several others, are much more gripping.
June 18, 2022
Humans are the only living creatures with the capacity to understand their own mortality. The reality that we all face the same ultimate fate and that our time on earth is limited is one of the driving forces of human existence (for both good and bad).
Robert McCrum came face-to-face with his own existence in his 40's when he suffered a massive stroke. He wrote about the experience in his book "My Year Off". Recovered, but with continued physical deficits and now in his sixties, McCrum's Every Third Thought delves specifically into the concept of coming to grips with one's own mortality.
As a trained end-of-life-doula (for lack of a better short description, a companion for the terminally ill), I have considered and seen others consider the ending of their own stories. For some, confronting this most intense of concepts is too difficult. For others, it frees them to embrace ideas, projects or endeavors that they might never have considered. If you are the former, this book is not something you're going to want to read. Even if you're the latter, the first third of this book is so unrelentingly grim as to be truly daunting.
I struggled to get through the early parts of the book, but if you can make it through, you're gifted with deep wisdom about the topic from both interviews that McCrum conducted and explorations of how some of history's most insightful writers in history addressed the issue (the title of the book comes from Shakespeare's play The Tempest).
It's worth reading for the wisdom that surfaces from McCrum, his interviewees and the great thinkers of the past, but it is certainly not light reading. Ultimately, despite its dark subject matter and very grim opening, the book ends with a surprisingly positive autobi0graphical turn that reminds us of the simple beauty of life and its surprises.
Not for everyone, but an interesting, informative and self-reflective read.
Robert McCrum came face-to-face with his own existence in his 40's when he suffered a massive stroke. He wrote about the experience in his book "My Year Off". Recovered, but with continued physical deficits and now in his sixties, McCrum's Every Third Thought delves specifically into the concept of coming to grips with one's own mortality.
As a trained end-of-life-doula (for lack of a better short description, a companion for the terminally ill), I have considered and seen others consider the ending of their own stories. For some, confronting this most intense of concepts is too difficult. For others, it frees them to embrace ideas, projects or endeavors that they might never have considered. If you are the former, this book is not something you're going to want to read. Even if you're the latter, the first third of this book is so unrelentingly grim as to be truly daunting.
I struggled to get through the early parts of the book, but if you can make it through, you're gifted with deep wisdom about the topic from both interviews that McCrum conducted and explorations of how some of history's most insightful writers in history addressed the issue (the title of the book comes from Shakespeare's play The Tempest).
It's worth reading for the wisdom that surfaces from McCrum, his interviewees and the great thinkers of the past, but it is certainly not light reading. Ultimately, despite its dark subject matter and very grim opening, the book ends with a surprisingly positive autobi0graphical turn that reminds us of the simple beauty of life and its surprises.
Not for everyone, but an interesting, informative and self-reflective read.
September 7, 2018
I very much liked this book, for a number of reasons. I liked that the author spoke candidly about his own experiences with his health issues and that he quotes other authors, philosophers and other people linked to historical pop culture, who have commented about 'life, death and the endgame' (the books subtitle) primarily death, of course. I found it a poingnant and thought provoking read and it didn't go in to too much in the way of details, so as to bog the reader down and make it unnecessarily despairing or anything quite like that. If anything, I'd say it has a nice sense of optimism about it.
Another feature I very much liked about this book was the author conveying some interviews he'd held with other authors on books of the same subject, including some I was already aware of (such as Dr. Henry Marsh and Atul Gawande). There is the inevitable element of philosophising and there are also some mildly amusing moments, with another interviewee/celebrity mentioned being Clive James, the Australian/Brit comedian who was believed to be approaching death for some time. Terry Pratchett is also mentioned. The book also tackles issues such as euthanasia and assisted dying.
Each chapter starts with a quote from authors such as William Shakespeare and lyrics from pop songs relating to mortality and the like. Overall, I found it an interesting and well handled read about a sensitive subject. I found it somehow a comforting and partially uplifting read, without being unnecessarily saccharine sweet and I'd gladly recommend it to anyone interested in it.
Another feature I very much liked about this book was the author conveying some interviews he'd held with other authors on books of the same subject, including some I was already aware of (such as Dr. Henry Marsh and Atul Gawande). There is the inevitable element of philosophising and there are also some mildly amusing moments, with another interviewee/celebrity mentioned being Clive James, the Australian/Brit comedian who was believed to be approaching death for some time. Terry Pratchett is also mentioned. The book also tackles issues such as euthanasia and assisted dying.
Each chapter starts with a quote from authors such as William Shakespeare and lyrics from pop songs relating to mortality and the like. Overall, I found it an interesting and well handled read about a sensitive subject. I found it somehow a comforting and partially uplifting read, without being unnecessarily saccharine sweet and I'd gladly recommend it to anyone interested in it.
August 19, 2018
The ironic thing about this book is that it will either make you feel enlivened or depressed, much the same, reflected in the phrase: is the glass half full or empty? It’s the subject nobody wants to talk about. It’s the subject not for polite conversation. It’s the elephant in the room even though it’s rotting and someone’s already stolen the tusks, such a thief, C.S. Lewis and his book, A Grief Observed. But this book is not a valedictory message from a dying writer, or one in the choke hold of grief, I think it is a life affirming journey.
Words like ‘brave’ and ‘unflinching’ come to mind (a chapter deals with death, illness and language: ‘her or his battle with cancer’) and how death is ultimately an individuals journey and hospices seek to acquaint those who are dying with the facts of personal solitude during the final journey.
Be brave.
Read this book.
Words like ‘brave’ and ‘unflinching’ come to mind (a chapter deals with death, illness and language: ‘her or his battle with cancer’) and how death is ultimately an individuals journey and hospices seek to acquaint those who are dying with the facts of personal solitude during the final journey.
Be brave.
Read this book.
October 31, 2017
This is a book you want to read around november time with falling leaves aroudn you and planned visits to graveyards. It is a tad melancholic, a bit pessimistic, but it ends on a beautiful positive note.
I can already reveal the summarized 3 TO-DO's of the author after his own ordeal with sickness and loss: TRY TO KEEP FIT - ACCEPT YOUR FATE/INSIGNIFICANCE-LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
Thanks to the author who told us in his elegant phrose his own ordeals and walked with us to a set of friends with their own mortal diseases and their last thoughts. Not only his friends are visited but also some reknown philosophers of which I got the appetite now to discover more from Montaigne. ( 1533-1592).
I can already reveal the summarized 3 TO-DO's of the author after his own ordeal with sickness and loss: TRY TO KEEP FIT - ACCEPT YOUR FATE/INSIGNIFICANCE-LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
Thanks to the author who told us in his elegant phrose his own ordeals and walked with us to a set of friends with their own mortal diseases and their last thoughts. Not only his friends are visited but also some reknown philosophers of which I got the appetite now to discover more from Montaigne. ( 1533-1592).
May 3, 2018
Though it included plenty of other people's stories, this book felt like it was really McCrum's personal reflections on death, and how one's perspective on death changes with age. This isn't a superficial examination of the topic which ends with superficial messages about 'living every day as if it's your last': it is an, at times, thoroughly depressing examination of the pain and suffering that often accompanies the end of life. It is uncompromising, and more like a chat with a well-read friend than a formal examination of the topic. There's much in this to think about and reflect on.
I didn't like the ending, which seemed a bit out of place - I wonder if it's really there more as a continuation of McCrum's previous autobiographical book My Year Off, which I haven't read.
I didn't like the ending, which seemed a bit out of place - I wonder if it's really there more as a continuation of McCrum's previous autobiographical book My Year Off, which I haven't read.
April 25, 2021
This book was triggered by Roberts' personal experience. I worked in palliative care for ten years and for the last 5 years with Dementia diagnosis and care. So I was particularly interested in reading this book. The chapters about Dementia in Alzheimer's disease were so bleak I could hardly keep reading. I kept going. Not only an intimate sharing of Roberts' life but an excellent reference book. I found so many leads; enough to keep me busy for years. This great study will remain on my not virtual bookshelf.
October 9, 2018
A book that takes on the most difficult and most important subjects of all: death and the end of life. The book takes us through the author's year of reflection on the subjects and works like a companion for the reader with quotes from great writers, interviews with people who are experts either by training or by experience. A difficult topic but somehow the book is optimistic and even joyful. Highly recommended.
November 15, 2023
i met this man and interviewed him for a class. the book was a bit evasive in actually talking about death. but i guess that's fair given his background. actually, not really. i was expecting something more gripping. non-fiction, quite dreary especially about the alzheimer's section (jesus christ i already see this with my grandfather please stop salting the wound). learned he edited milan kundera translations. he gets points for me there.
August 30, 2019
An engaging read, well written, and honest, but lacking any great insights. It concludes in a way which could either be read as trite, or as concretely apposite to the concluding theme of a book which by means of interview, literature and art, and personal reflection, explores ‘the meaning of life (and death)’.
March 26, 2018
Thoughtful but I think the extractions from other literature sources could be better selected.
NB: I didnot get into reading this book till the chapter on the neurosurgeon Henry Marsh, only then I realised the book is a summary of works on death literature.
NB: I didnot get into reading this book till the chapter on the neurosurgeon Henry Marsh, only then I realised the book is a summary of works on death literature.
September 8, 2017
Reinforces my wish to 'live in the moment'. Thought provoking and honest.
September 10, 2017
More like every other....
October 21, 2017
Really enjoyed this reflection on ageing and death. A worthwhile read if you're a reflective person.
January 28, 2018
What is your every third thought?
December 16, 2018
Has just a bit of an ego, doesn’t he?
March 2, 2021
Pretty depressing tbh. But interesting at points. I found myself enjoying a few sentences and then a few sentences later finding it incredibly boring
August 7, 2022
Gosh how depressing this man is. We all grow old, but surely a little levity can help. The rating is one that ignores the facts of aging, just the sheer tediousness of this man narrative.
August 10, 2022
McCrum collates his thoughts on death and ageing alongside those of friends and writers. Well written and engaging but ultimately offers the reader little insight or optimism.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews