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112 pages, ebook
First published August 15, 2017
Fucker. I wish I could rate dates online like people can rate my restaurant on Yelp or Zagat. He'd get a goddamn one-star with a long description of all the ways he can lick my hairy nutsack.
No use in denying it anymore. I have a crush on someone I've never met before. Someone half my age.
It's been a long time since I've been so miserably euphoric.
"You give me all these...Ugh. All these feelings."
"Feelings?"
"Yeah, I can't stop thinking about you. Ever."
"I think about you all the time, too. So much."
This moment is bigger and better than anything I could have imagined. And so tiny too. Mundane. Yet important.
I'm happy. What the hell?
"What now?" I ask.
"I gotta get ready for work. But I can't wait to Skype with you again. Or, you know. Whatever."
"Yeah." I need to go high-five every person in the building or whatever it is overjoyed people do.


I swipe through the six new potential loves-of-my-life and hate them all equally.

Fucker. I wish I could rate dates online like people can rate my restaurant on Yelp and Zagat. He'd get a goddamn one-star with a long description of all the ways he can lick my hairy nutsack.
"Phil, look at how hard you're making me. You know you're attractive."

It's been a long time since I've been so miserably euphoric.
If I could capture one moment of my life in a bottle, it would be this one.