Lavender

by Xavier Axelson

Following the sudden death of his father, Lawrence "Law" Crow must not only comfort his bereaved mother, but also find the strength to continue running the family business, a local and beloved lavender farm in the mountains of northern California. At first, consumed with his own grief and struggling to find meaning in life, Law indulges in his vices, mainly by surrendering to his sexual urges with numerous men, all in a desperate battle to forget his pain and to end the emotional turmoil tearing him apart.

But when a stunningly handsome and passionate Spanish soccer player named Garbi suddenly crosses his path, Law discovers light in the possibility of love. Does Garbi have the ability to heal Law's shattered heart, provide him with purpose, and help him fully embrace the joy of living once again amidst the beautiful and fragrant lavender fields?

Genres: Contemporary, M M Romance

Unknown Binding

First published July 15, 2017

About the author

About Xavier Axelson: Xavier Axelson is a writer and columnist living in Los Angeles.

Reviews

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my all-time favorite books is Lily by Xavier Axelson. It wasn’t what I was expecting when I read the blurb, it was so much better and I really fell in love with the author’s writing style. It stuck with me and Lavender is much the same. The author does not write your typical hearts and flowers or perfectly perfect characters. His MC’s are flawed and their encounters are gritty. It’s different and I appreciate how he can pull all the rough edges together and give a plethora of emotions in a few words.

Lavender starts out rough and sad. It’s set against an idyllic backdrop and the contrast made the heartache the characters were feeling more pronounced. Our MC, Law and his parents have made their lives on a lavender farm in northern California. The setting is intrinsically romantic and the bits of backstory about Law’s parents adds to the mood. When we meet Law and his mom, they are consumed by grief though following the death of Law’s dad. It was obvious he was the anchor for this small family and both Law and his mom are grieving hard.

His mom deals with her loss by escaping back home to France where the original lavender plant that started the whole farm came from. Law deals by fucking his way through every willing man he can get his hands on. His rage boning comes from a place of impotent anger where he’s either going to fight or fuck his way through his heartbreak. Both are equally dangerous and frankly, Law just doesn’t care. His interactions with other men are rough, dirty and desperate. He works his way from one to the next with complete disregard for anything other than releasing “something” and forgetting for a brief bit of time.

At the same time, he works his way through getting the farm back on track bit by bit while avoiding dealing with his father’s final wish to have his ashes spread throughout the fields. The whole mood in the book to this point is unsettling and melancholic. And while Law is not at his finest, I really liked the guy and my heart broke for his angry loneliness. Even if he did get more action than any man on a lavender field has any right to.

But then he meets Garbi and he starts to feel a little something beyond anger. Garbi is a soccer star traveling with his team through Law’s town. I wouldn’t call their first interaction anywhere near a meet-cute, because cute is not something that is done in Lavender, but Garbi does leave an impression and Law knows he wants more. The two don’t waste any time getting together, because waiting is also something that is not done in Lavender, but the two had a serious connection that neither one of them could deny.

The best part of the story is reading about the changes Law undergoes with Garbi. They’re subtle, but that’s how Law is. He’s not one for declarations and Garbi is a good match for him. He’s got that European sensibility about romance that Law needs. Garbi has no shame in enjoying life and he’s very good at expressing himself in few words. Law no longer feels the need to conquer and is ready to give, he needs to with Garbi and he loves every minute of it, even if he doesn’t totally understand it. He knows Garbi can change his life by showing him how to love, but he also know Garbi is only in town for a short time. It was a really bittersweet time and I loved and hated it in turn.

The author doesn’t leave his readers hanging though and the ending it easily one of the better and more optimistic HFNs. Don’t go expecting a book that matches the cover. While the cover is beautiful, it is a little misleading in that the cover fits an expected MM romance that is safe and lovely. Lavender is not safe and it is not typically lovely. It’s raw, tough and honest and I liked reading something outside the norm, it was refreshingly dirty and sneakily romantic. The ending is a little abrupt, but it fit with the mood of the whole story. So, while I wanted just a smidge more of the conversation and where it was going, where it ended wrapped up Law and his journey just right.

Candles flickered super romantically. It may be corny, but I’ll admit, candlelight adds something to a bath.

“Why are you smiling?” Garbi asked. He’d put his feet on my thighs and slid deeper, so water swirled around his neck.

“No reason,” I answered, rubbing the arch of his right foot.

“Is romantic”

“I’m not romantic.”

“I am,” he said, unashamed. “Why do men deny this?”

[Carra · Rating 3 out of 5]

So about Law…he’s the kind of guy that I have a hard time warming up to, and to be honest when I first started reading this story up until about two-thirds of the way through I thought I was never going to get to any point where I would like him. Yes, he’s grieving, and yes, he feels alone and abandoned when his mother leaves to escape her own grief. What I was not happy with was how he dealt with his situation through random, meaningless sexual encounters or the occasional one-sided tryst with Denny. It wasn’t the fact that he was having the encounters that bothered me—it was the way he treated the men (especially Denny). It’s one thing to have emotionally empty liaisons as a way to cope with emotional pain, but it’s a whole other ball game when you treat those with whom you’re having relations with total disregard, indifference, and sometimes downright cruelty—even if it is only through words.

Now, that said…when Garbi enters the picture things do seem to look up for both Law and the story. Law gains focus and Garbi seems to act like an anchor for Law. At the same time, Law gives Garbi something other than playing his sport to look forward to, and the attraction between them does burn quite hot. It’s hard to see how they would be able to make things work past the short time they have together while Garbi’s team is in town, and while circumstances do offer up a chance for more the way this story ends leaves readers with a “happy for now” finish.

Even though for most of the story Law’s character was difficult for me to like, at the end I was still wanting to know if things might work out for him and Garbi past the immediate future. I may never find out, but the author did pique my interest enough to want to know how Law and Garbi end up in the long run.

This story is meant strictly for readers 18+ for adult language and situations as well as sexual content.

[Laura ~Passion flower · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lavender (ARC) was graciously provided to me by Gay Book Reviews for an honest review.

"The Healing Powers of Lavender.."

Lavender, by Xavier Axelson, is a book with a beautiful premise, which takes place in northern California, set amongst the absolutely beautiful and aromatic lavender fields. These popular fields having been nurtured by Law and his family at their popular family farm for years, Law finds himself suffering greatly after the untimely-passing of his father. This quick chapter-free read, written in the first person, is a story about the heart-breaking, mind-numbing, and, difficult mournful journey of Lawrence "Law" Crow, and how he struggles with his attempts at survival, and as a result, his attempts at finding peace. And..it was not all flowers and sunshine. *deep sigh*

I was so glad to have come across this book, because let's face it, it has an absolutely beautiful cover. Once again, a cover drew me in. Lavender fields, a barn, and two men having apparently found solace in one another, is what I saw on this gorgeous cover. So...pffft..yeah, I was in. *grinning gleefully*

Well.....unfortunately, it turned out to be not quite as I had predicted. First and foremost, my heart absolutely broke for Law and his family. It really did. It was heart-wrenching to see how Law and his mother tried to mourn the passing of their loved one. It was completely understandable that their lives would be turned completely upside down. And, as each tried to mourn, they did somewhat separately and so very differently from the other. Only one ultimately finding the beginning's of peace. Law's attempts at dealing with his loss, involved frequent sexual escapades often with strangers. Even though these times were his attempts at blocking his pain, and, at finding his peace, he also appeared to have turned into this hardened and uncaring individual. Even outside of these times, he was...not so nice. Actually, almost cruel. Most of the time. It was often difficult to read, as I felt that he went too far on many occasions. But...BUT..then in walked his key in beginning to find his peace..

There were many characters, in general, but, only two, maybe three, who made appearances throughout the entire book. Of the many different and unique characters, I found a few to be very attentive and helpful towards Law, and yet, I found some of the others to be somewhat unrealistic in nature. A few of the characters were more developed than others. And, I liked some more than others. But...then there was Garbi Aya, the soccer player who was a cross between a secondary and one of the main characters, who had this instant kind of connection with Law.

There was an odd sort of multi-layered type of chemistry going on between many of the characters throughout the book. For one, Law and Garbi certainly had it, however, it was at times often excessive and over-the-top. However...it did seem that once Law and Garbi ultimately connected, life did seem to straighten itself out...for the most part..

That all being said, I did find myself scratching my head at various times throughout reading this book. Aside from a few editing issues and some inconsistencies with the main plot, I found that it needed more depth. The pace was quick, and, there was little to no character development. I found there to be some scenes that were difficult to read, as the characters were either over-the-top, or, the actual scene just didn't make any sense as far as structure and meaning were concerned. While the setting was beautiful, it would have been great to have more of a sense of being amongst those fields, and, a better sense of what exactly the business entailed with the lavender fields. It would also have been simply gorgeous to have more of Law's second language incorporated within the story. And...I felt that there were many loose ends in the end, and, the ending was abrupt.

Lavender, has so much potential. I loved the premise, and, found myself gasping and breathing a sigh of relief, when I came across such beautiful parts that seemed to be interspersed here and there within the story. I needed more of that. So much more. Even with the beauty of the lavender fields, the California mountains, Law's dual language, the family farm, and, a new beginning, this story unfortunately just fell short for me... And, I really, really wanted to be immersed within the lavender fields as I wrote a completely favorable review, but...perhaps next time...:)

*star rating: 2.5 stars (I liked it, but, there were many things that had affected me that in the end, had affected my overall rating of the book) *

[The Novel Approach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Law is immersed in loss. His father died suddenly in the very fields of lavender he loved, leaving behind a grieving widow and a son who is lost and unable to find his way back. Law has returned from school to work the family lavender farm, only to discover that his father was the life-blood of the place. Now his mother must flee to her home country of France before the burden of her grief destroys her, leaving Law to carry on and not only run the family business but, more importantly, to disperse his father’s ashes on the fragrant acres he loved tending.

Mind and heart numb, Law lets loose, using countless nameless hookups filled with empty sex to drive him near to the point of breaking. He is angry and takes that hurt and despair out on whomever he couples with—until a man rolls into town who will change all of that, and more. It was a weekend trip—a soccer tournament—one of so many for the Spanish team whose star, Garbi, was to leave after the three-day stint. By sheer accident, the team bus stops by the lavender farm, and Law and Garbi meet, changing the destructive path Law had been skirting and reminding him that life is meant to be lived.

Once again author Xavier Axelson lays bare the soul of his character and explores the darkest of places inside a grieving heart. With poetic grace, this author exposes Law’s grief and asks us to share in the experience as painful and raw as it may be. Be forewarned, there is sex, lots of it, and it is angry and desperate and not really pretty as we watch Law lose himself right before our eyes. Although Garbi is essentially Law’s savior, their couplings are not of a romantic nature; rather, they are almost brutal at times—pushing Law to succumb rather than conquer, forcing his grief out into the open at last.

Lavender is a study in healing after being torn apart. It is honest, unvarnished and often difficult to read, and yet beautiful in its resolution. It is a gorgeously written novella that allows us to watch a grieving man reach the place where life can begin again, and leaves us hopeful that love will find its home amongst the lavender fields once again.

Reviewed by Sammy for The Novel Approach

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars - I was given a copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.

This is pure smut. Even attempting to call this erotica feels a bit too civilized. The cover suggests a gentle romance and the blurb talks about bereavement and loss but most of this short story is just a string of explicit, imaginative, yet mostly emotionless sexual encounters between Law and a series of partners.

There are a few attempts at plot as Law makes a few efforts to take control of his farm after his father’s death but each effort to reinvigorate the family business seems to end with Law shagging someone. I’m not necessarily complaining about the shagging. Or the wanking. Or the many other experiences Law shares with his partners. From the retired cop turned priest to the football player, Law’s partners are all fantasy men and in its own way, the sex is hot.

I’m just a little bit curious about the disconnect between blurb, cover and content.

In the internet age of Pornhub, this collection of almost random sexual experiences feels a little bit outdated as most erotica readers are looking for the emotional connections they don’t get from porn.

I’m not sure anyone is going to read this for the emotional connection between characters or for the storyline but I’m sure there are readers out there who will enjoy the detached and slightly kinky sex in this story.

[The TBR Pile *Book review site* · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are times when Law comes across as, well, a jackass. He does redeem himself in the end thanks to Garbi’s love. Grabi is the sexy, Spanish soccer player that heats up the pages. And I do mean heat up. *Fans self*

FULL REVIEW - http://thetbrpile.weebly.com/reviews/...

[Ro · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book begins with emotional pain. The death of Law’s beloved father, in the lavender field he cherished, causes untold grief for the son and widow left behind. You can feel their agony in every word. Mom deals with it by ignoring everything, including her son, and Law deals with it with sex – anonymous, constant and emotionless. The story is told in first person by Law and his agony over losing his father is so raw. It starts to make him harsh in his dealings with life and yet, life has to go on.

When his mom leaves, returning to her native France, unable to deal with the reminders of her husband everywhere, Law is left with the lavender farm and the so difficult task of spreading his father’s ashes. It was little details, like lavender lemonade, that made the story more poignant, reminding us that yes, life continues even when you are screaming in grief and how do you deal with it?

It is in the middle of this despair that Law meets Garbi, a soccer player who ends up visiting the farm, and that is the beginning of some healing for Law. If not healing, at least a slowing of his self-destructive path. It should be noted that while these two are (hopefully) headed to a forever place, it isn’t so much romantic as just merciless hard sex as part of his healing.

Some of the scenes are hard to read because it is so unrelentingly sad. While I liked Garbi, I did wish for a little more for the two of them, as the connection is pretty instant. The setting of the lavender farm is a character unto itself and sounds beautiful.
Reviewed for Hearts On Fire Reviews

[Natosha Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about a man whose world is Falling apart around him.

Law is a man who is lost. He lost his father, who is also his best friend though he never says so. The pain he is feeling over the loss of his father is more than he can handle. To make things worse his mom is in just as bad shape as Law is but she is wanting to leave their home on top of everything else to grieve her loss in Paris with her side of the family.

Law now feels as if he has lost both parents at the same time. Law knows that even though he would love to their farm behind and move on like his mom has, he can't because there is so much of his father still their. It would break him even more to leave hat behind. So Law does the only bing he knows to do to try and ease the pain he is feeling and that is nameless sex.

This is working somewhat for him or at least it is when he is in the act but the pain always comes back afterwards. On a chance encounter with a soccer team Law meets a man that has captured his attention. Garbi.

Garbi makes him feel better even when they are not having sex. But Garbi is only passing through and does not plan on staying. This is the first person that has made Law feel better. So what is Law going to do when Garbi leaves?

This was a decent short story. I enjoyed the read but it was not my favorite book. There is nothing specific about it that I did not like. It, I guess, was just too unrealistic for my taste. Other then that it was a good read.

Was given this galley copy for free for an open and honest review

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words Review

Rating : 3.75 stars out of 5

For the full review:http://wp.me/p220KL-bkh

From that review: "I read  Xavier Axelson for the lyricism of his narrative.  His words can flow with a beauty that can haunt you, surprising you with their imagery and emotions.  From the synopsis, this seemed perfect for that the sort of story I've come to expect from this author in the past.  What I found was a mixture of new and remembered."

For all our reviews, author interviews and such, visit us at http://scatteredthoughtsandroguewords...

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sadly this one just wasn't for me. I felt that it started off alright, but it just didn't feel like it went anywhere and I found it to be too much about sex and angst without any real "romance" or strong plot to hold my attention. It's only a short story, didn't take me more than an hour or so to finish, but it was different from what I had expected when I started. By all means judge for yourself, but sadly I can't rate this any higher as I just didn't connect with it.

***I was provided with an ARC of Lavender in exchange for an honest review.