Ok, this is an extremely heartbreaking read. It switched on my home abuse-ometer. No one got beaten with a wire hanger, of course. Still, all the subtle touches made me cringe.
The narrator has some undiagnosed but supposedly totally disabling condition. Due to this she spends her life with her mother, an overbearing unhappy woman who has no problems whatsoever to subtly express to her daughter just how much she disaproves of her: illness, Incidents, Capacity... and even to refer to the said daughter as a fool. Most of the Incidents were rather benign and could have happened to anyone regardless of their faculties. Really, missing a bus stop? No big deal, Ellie could have been taught how to find her way around. Getting her wallet stolen, lots of perfectly healthy people occasionally have this issue (even yours truly!). The mother istead hyperbolysed all these happenings which ultimately curbed Ellie's attempts at independence and freedom.
The book made me angry on Elvira's behalf. She should have been treated better all along. She should have been allowed freedom, choice and joy. To me, it seemed as if none of those were permitted to her. And not only by her condition. She should have had behavioural, cognitive and social therapy, leading her to develop her social skills, to enrich her understanding of the world and its ways, to develop ways to outsmart her condition and make the best possible of it.
Ultimately, this is a story of stunted development, suddenly brought on by changing circumstances. And El's progress is astonishing!
I probably reflect in this review as waaay too idealistic. I blame it on this book, it brought this out in me.
Done a reread. I loved this book too much to read it just once!
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... I’d never thought it would happen to Mother. I was surprised she’d allowed it to. (c)
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I twisted the hem of my apron—it was the one with Dog Breeds of the World on it—and looked at her. Normally, whenever Mother saw me doing this, she’d shout Apron! or Sweater! depending on what I was wearing (c)
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She wasn’t saying anything either, which was unusual. (c)
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She said she was wrinkled before her time because of having to screw her face up into expressions clear enough for me to recognize. (c) Blame-training. Nice.
Q: I could do with losing a few pounds. (More than a few, Mother used to say, looking at me and sniffing.) We ate a Healthy Diet, because Mother decided what we ate, but I had an interest in cookies. ... I liked trying out different brands and varieties and comparing them. It added another dimension to my life.(c) Gawwwd. Asperger or autism or whatever. How does one deprive one's child from life altogether so that even cookies would become an experience?
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If I asked her a question, or told her a Fact I’d learned, she’d rustle the Daily Telegraph without replying. Sometimes the Daily Telegraph went up in front of her face as I came into the room.(c)
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I’d never been on my own for longer than a day before. Mother didn’t think I could manage.(c)
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I brushed my hair and put on my shoes and the navy woolen coat I’ve had for more than six years, since I was twenty-one. It was still smart, even though I could no longer do up the bottom two buttons.(c)
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She hugged me too, which I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t know if I should hug her back because I hadn’t been hugged since Father died and I’d forgotten how to do it... (c)
Q: I’d never been Abroad. Mother used to say taking me would be a waste of money and no break for her.(c)
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I’m phoning Social Services was something Mother used to say when things got to be Too Much, and she’d had a phone conversation with Jane in Dunstable. Dear Jane suggested Sheltered Housing might be the best thing for you, Elvira. She’d talk about no time off for good behavior and a life sentence and kept taking off her glasses and polishing them. Shelters were for animals no one wanted, and Sheltered Housing was living in a different place on my own, under supervision.
I’d cried every time she’d threatened it.(c)
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Mother had said there wasn’t enough time for all that; she needed me. I was ungrateful after all she’d done, and I needed to be kept safe at home for my own protection. I was far too trusting, she’d said, and a target for predators, and she reminded me of the various Incidents that had happened when I’d ventured out and done things on my own.(c)
After Elvira gets to live on her own nothing bad happens, i.e. no one takes advantage of her, etc. To me this means one of the things: 1. The condition was not quite bad as estimated. Which means that the other was not exactly right in all her overprotectiveness. 2. The author just decided to skip the unfriendly part of the world.
To me the narrator felt as though she was too protected from the outside world. Had she more experience (some of it disastrous, yeah! but how else is a person supposed to learn?) she would have been better equipped to deal with the life's challenges.
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I would have enjoyed a trip out, but I knew ambulances were only for sick people.
“No thank you.” I stared at his ear. “I’m not ill. And I haven’t finished getting lunch ready.” (c)
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Bridge is a card game, but far too complicated for you, Elvira. (c)
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“Your mother has had some tests.”
“Oh. Did she pass?” Mother was clever. She’d be good at tests.(c)
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“Does your mother talk in a normal way?”
This was another difficult question to answer because I didn’t know what “normal” was. Only that Mother said I wasn’t. (c)
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Sylvia said Mother had made Arrangements for me in case… My heart thudded because Arrangements meant people organizing things without me joining in. Mother had arranged things before, like signing me up to a Table Tennis Club at St. Anne’s Church Hall without asking me first. She’d gotten cross when I refused to go and kept talking about my BMI. (c)
Elvira actually is surprised to find herself being resourseful on her own:
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In the end, I followed an old man shuffling along with a shopping bag, thinking he might be visiting an old person in Jersey Older People’s Ward. He was, which meant I’d been resourceful, a word Mother used about herself. She would be surprised when I told her.(c)
And she really is able to think things through!
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She kept her passport in it too, in a plastic bag. I took it out now because I knew she wouldn’t need it in the hospital.(c)
El understands the concept of differentness and of staying in the background.
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I liked the idea of Japan. Everyone would be foreign there, so I wouldn’t seem so different.(c)
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Things were easier once I’d written them down. Clearer. There were no distractions in written things.(c)
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There were lots of new things I had to do now: visiting Mother twice a day, using the bus, deciding what to eat, shopping without her list, doing the housework without supervision, being alert to Incidents, trying to show I was safe on my own. Managing it all sent me to bed in the daytime. In bed, I listed all the different varieties of cookies I knew, and their brands, and said them in alphabetical order, but it didn’t always make me feel better. (c)
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Eventually, though, because of eating exactly the same things every week, I was able to make a master shopping list and take it with me each time. This was the sort of thing that, if Mother had thought of it, she would have called Maximum Efficiency.(c)
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I stared at it, wondering why Mother’s financial interests had needed protecting.(c)
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“Like being onboard a spaceship!” I walked close behind her, on tiptoe, wondering how she knew what being onboard a spaceship was like. (c)
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I didn’t want to be sent Away.
I sat up and looked around my bedroom. It was tidy, and I’d dusted it only yesterday. I ran downstairs. There was no decaying food in the fridge to constitute a Health Hazard and lead to me being thought incapable. I scanned the kitchen. A Social Worker would be impressed by my meals and housework schedule, with its ticked-off checklist, and my shopping list, and the Japanese notebook where I was trying to find the answers to things. ...
Might Social Services think sending an elderly person to a home against her will was abuse? Because Mother was going to hate Bay View Lodge. She was going to hate everything about it, even its view, because she wanted to be at home, in charge.(c)
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The netsukes were in a row on the windowsill, the same size gap between them, looking out to sea. The symmetry of their arrangement gave me a physical thrill.(c)
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I was on my own. This was showing I was capable, I kept telling myself. (c)
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I noticed patterns in things all the time, but especially in carpets, because of looking down. (c)
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I kept my hands behind my back in case people thought I was hurting Mother. ... When I mentioned Mother’s shouting, Mrs. Hulme said it would be drowned out one way or another: either by people singing or dogs barking. (c) Symbolic, huh? Anything can be told in a calm way.
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... a policeman came to the Library and asked to speak to Micky and he had to leave suddenly to help him with something. Micky was a helpful person. (c)
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If I was a real tourist in, say, Japan, I’d buy a guidebook to help me communicate with the inhabitants and learn their customs.
I scrolled up and down the website. There didn’t seem to be such a thing for people with my Condition. Perhaps I could write my own! Research and organize guidelines to normal behavior into a spreadsheet! List those hidden Rules that were never discussed openly! With Sylvia’s assistance, I could include the reasons behind the Rules, so I’d understand them. I could even add a check-box column for keeping to them! I felt as if I were filled with bubbles.(c)
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I thanked Brenda for her advice about Sylvia, and her pink cheeks got pinker, which I interpreted as embarrassment rather than overheating. NeuroTypicals had a strange reaction to getting compliments and presents. My toes would have bounced or, if I was at home, I would have run around the room. (c) A matter of point of view, actually. This is a much deeper thought than one would have thought.
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Give their marriage another go. ... Possibly it was some kind of treasure hunt. (c) That made me crack up )))
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David Attenborough said humans contained dust from distant planets. In a few days, after her funeral, Mother would be dust. Part of the Cosmic Swirl. Her dust might float off to a distant planet. That might be where Away was.(c)
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Did I actually want any more family? A dizzying line of unknown relations stretched away into the distance, strangers who might make me go up and down stairs for them all day, and tell me to keep up... But I hesitated, sitting on the bed. I didn’t have any family left now, and his card had an owl on it, and ecology was something to do with nature. If Charlie Hargreaves liked animals, he was unlikely to be a bad person.(c)
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I’d gotten used to the quiet of the empty house and liked it now, especially after a day out in the real world. I liked there being nobody to tell me what to do, or to keep up a conversation with, or to work out if they were joking or not. (c)
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THE SEVEN RULES
Rule 1: Being Polite and Respectful is always a Good Idea.
Rule 2: If you Look or Sound Different, you won’t Fit In.
Rule 3: Conversation doesn’t just Exchange Facts—it Conveys how you’re Feeling.
Rule 4: You learn by making Mistakes.
Rule 5: Not Everyone who is Nice to me is my Friend.
Rule 6: It’s better to be too Diplomatic than too Honest.
Rule 7: Rules change depending on the Situation and the Person you are speaking to. (c)