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FLIRTOLOGY
. How can I tell when someone is flirting with me?
. How can I be a more confident flirt?
. How do I avoid rejection?
. Where are all the good men and women hiding?
Flirtology is THE dating guide for the 21st century. In an age of swiping left and right, and hiding behind online profiles, this book shows you how to replace connectivity with connection.
Flirtology debunks the myths that surround flirting in order to help you find love. It helps you to analyse what you are looking for in a potential partner, shows you how to practise your interaction skills and how to unlock your inner flirt. It will give you the confidence to speak to anyone, anywhere and get results - without every compromising who you are. It's not about games, rules and tricks - it's about presenting your real self so that you will attract the right people for you.
Jean Smith is a social and cultural anthropologist who specialises in the science of flirting. For over a decade she has been helping countless clients build their confidence and find love. Her Fearless Flirting tours and Guardian Masterclasses are hugely popular and regularly sell out. In Flirtology she brings you a fun, efficient and scientifically researched guide to finding your own perfect match.
. How can I be a more confident flirt?
. How do I avoid rejection?
. Where are all the good men and women hiding?
Flirtology is THE dating guide for the 21st century. In an age of swiping left and right, and hiding behind online profiles, this book shows you how to replace connectivity with connection.
Flirtology debunks the myths that surround flirting in order to help you find love. It helps you to analyse what you are looking for in a potential partner, shows you how to practise your interaction skills and how to unlock your inner flirt. It will give you the confidence to speak to anyone, anywhere and get results - without every compromising who you are. It's not about games, rules and tricks - it's about presenting your real self so that you will attract the right people for you.
Jean Smith is a social and cultural anthropologist who specialises in the science of flirting. For over a decade she has been helping countless clients build their confidence and find love. Her Fearless Flirting tours and Guardian Masterclasses are hugely popular and regularly sell out. In Flirtology she brings you a fun, efficient and scientifically researched guide to finding your own perfect match.
256 pages, Paperback
Published February 8, 2018
69 people are currently reading
376 people want to read
About the author
Jean Smith
2 books12 followersJean Smith is a social and cultural anthropologist who studies and comments on human behaviour, body language, human interaction and relationships. Jean works with individuals on confidence building and social skills, at both a personal and group level. She has been offering emotional intelligence training in the area of relationships and dating since August 2004. Additionally, Jean works with many corporations and PR companies, creating and executing material for new product launches to the media and consumers.
She also appears frequently in the media as an expert commentator on cultural behaviour and has had articles published in a variety of international magazines. In addition, she runs the Flirting and Walking Tours; flirting tours of a city’s hotspots, where individuals can put to use Jean’s three methods of flirting attack.
Jean has written for Psychologies magazine and is a frequent contributor to The Science of Relationships website.
She also appears frequently in the media as an expert commentator on cultural behaviour and has had articles published in a variety of international magazines. In addition, she runs the Flirting and Walking Tours; flirting tours of a city’s hotspots, where individuals can put to use Jean’s three methods of flirting attack.
Jean has written for Psychologies magazine and is a frequent contributor to The Science of Relationships website.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
February 16, 2018
I really enjoyed this. It's more than a book about flirting. It's about communicating. The lessons in here will help you not just with finding that elusive partner but will help you move forward with just simply talking to people. It helps you deal with potential rejection by changing your mindset and the way you look at talking to people.
It's full of exercises, examples and importantly for me, doesn't give much time to the internet. I have no time for sitting behind the laptop on dating sites especially with the amount of catfishing that I keep hearing about. I'd rather speak to a real human and learn about them. I've already had a go at a couple of the exercises with mixed results but the book has given the the tools to at least start that journey.
It's definitely worth a read
Free arc from netgalley
It's full of exercises, examples and importantly for me, doesn't give much time to the internet. I have no time for sitting behind the laptop on dating sites especially with the amount of catfishing that I keep hearing about. I'd rather speak to a real human and learn about them. I've already had a go at a couple of the exercises with mixed results but the book has given the the tools to at least start that journey.
It's definitely worth a read
Free arc from netgalley
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December 25, 2018how to win friends and influence people v2.0 (practical steps included)
September 6, 2018
Oh how I wish I had read this book when I was younger! Now happily married wth 4 kids, I really agree with almost everything this book says about flirting. It is all about taking small steps communicating and then reassess the response because it takes 2 to tangle. Once you realise that, you stop focusing on yourself or the potential rejection from the other side; but focus on things that you can control, like your response to rejection. I like this systematic book. So to flirt:
1. Bust the myths of flirting: it is difficult, some are born with it, it is frightening, rejection is bad, a good flirt attracts everyone, men must make the first move, and the internet is the answer.
2. Identify your flirting style
3. Decide on the 5 Deal Breakers, that is, the absolute internal qualities that a person needs to have, such as kindness but not physical traits like height
4. Make the move. Go to a party early. Bury the phone. Look approachable. Stay in the centre. Position yourself near someone attractive to you. Make some eye contact. Start some conversation. ‘What do you think of...’ See the response. Don’t take rejection personally, maybe the other person already has a partner. Focus on the other. Avoid the friend trap by touch, closeness and not becoming a counsellor. Make a polite exit if things don’t turn out. Remember it takes 2 to tango so stop thinking only on yourself.
5. Technology helps but quickly meet the person in real life. Avoid prolonged online-only communications.
Very solid advice. Excellent material to teach my kids. My tweenie son has noticed this book and has started reading it. His comment on this book? ‘It is about talking to people, like girls.’ You got it son!
1. Bust the myths of flirting: it is difficult, some are born with it, it is frightening, rejection is bad, a good flirt attracts everyone, men must make the first move, and the internet is the answer.
2. Identify your flirting style
3. Decide on the 5 Deal Breakers, that is, the absolute internal qualities that a person needs to have, such as kindness but not physical traits like height
4. Make the move. Go to a party early. Bury the phone. Look approachable. Stay in the centre. Position yourself near someone attractive to you. Make some eye contact. Start some conversation. ‘What do you think of...’ See the response. Don’t take rejection personally, maybe the other person already has a partner. Focus on the other. Avoid the friend trap by touch, closeness and not becoming a counsellor. Make a polite exit if things don’t turn out. Remember it takes 2 to tango so stop thinking only on yourself.
5. Technology helps but quickly meet the person in real life. Avoid prolonged online-only communications.
Very solid advice. Excellent material to teach my kids. My tweenie son has noticed this book and has started reading it. His comment on this book? ‘It is about talking to people, like girls.’ You got it son!
April 1, 2024
I stumbled upon this book thanks to the wonderful Sofie Hagen, who praised it on a podcast. Despite finding its language slightly overripe for my taste, it significantly challenged many of my preconceptions about flirting and its essence. It's (mostly) not about cheesy pickup lines or awkward encounters; rather, it advocates for a complete mindset shift that encourages openness – regardless of relationship status – towards connecting with others. It offers practical advice on smoothly navigating encounters, attracting those with whom you resonate, and gracefully letting go of those with whom you don't (something I personally struggle with). Such a take on relationships demands self-awareness and clarity about one's desires, which in turn boosts self-confidence.
The book isn't just about flirting; it's about reclaiming the lost art of human connection. Isn't that lighthearted conversation with the barista or that fleeting smile shared with a stranger on the bus, free from expectations, enough to brighten your day? To make you (and the other person) shine and thus attract positivity? In a world where we're glued to our screens, it's a refreshing reminder to look up, engage, and cherish those brief connections that lend true meaning to life.
Some compelling bits:
- We should weave the spark and joy of flirting into every area of our life, because each encounter holds the seed of possibility and improves the way we interact with the world.
- The elements that create a good flirting encounter – playfulness, a sense of being in the moment, a connection between two people, letting that other person feel as if they are seen and special – should be adopted into our daily lives and used with everyone.
- You don’t have to attract everyone. You have to attract the right people. Act like yourself, and you will attract people who like you.
- In each flirting encounter, we are not laying our personalities on the line for judgement. You decide to smile, be happy, be kind to others because that is what you choose to do. That is how you want to be and how you want to live your life. This choice isn’t dependent on other people. We don’t give a smile to get a smile. We should not be attached to other people’s reactions. People’s reaction is all about them and has very little to do with you. When we are not invested in how others react to us, we do not need to censor ourselves. When we do what we really want to do, we are less attached to others’ negative reaction.
- Confidence is about being happy to show others who you are. How do you get there if you don’t feel it right now? You do things that make you feel good.
- We are all just extras in the life performance of others. Once we stop trying to be the stars of their show, everything becomes easier.
- We are conditioned to think that the spark must be immediate, but actually you can create chemistry yourself.
The book isn't just about flirting; it's about reclaiming the lost art of human connection. Isn't that lighthearted conversation with the barista or that fleeting smile shared with a stranger on the bus, free from expectations, enough to brighten your day? To make you (and the other person) shine and thus attract positivity? In a world where we're glued to our screens, it's a refreshing reminder to look up, engage, and cherish those brief connections that lend true meaning to life.
Some compelling bits:
- We should weave the spark and joy of flirting into every area of our life, because each encounter holds the seed of possibility and improves the way we interact with the world.
- The elements that create a good flirting encounter – playfulness, a sense of being in the moment, a connection between two people, letting that other person feel as if they are seen and special – should be adopted into our daily lives and used with everyone.
- You don’t have to attract everyone. You have to attract the right people. Act like yourself, and you will attract people who like you.
- In each flirting encounter, we are not laying our personalities on the line for judgement. You decide to smile, be happy, be kind to others because that is what you choose to do. That is how you want to be and how you want to live your life. This choice isn’t dependent on other people. We don’t give a smile to get a smile. We should not be attached to other people’s reactions. People’s reaction is all about them and has very little to do with you. When we are not invested in how others react to us, we do not need to censor ourselves. When we do what we really want to do, we are less attached to others’ negative reaction.
- Confidence is about being happy to show others who you are. How do you get there if you don’t feel it right now? You do things that make you feel good.
- We are all just extras in the life performance of others. Once we stop trying to be the stars of their show, everything becomes easier.
- We are conditioned to think that the spark must be immediate, but actually you can create chemistry yourself.
November 27, 2018
I am going with a complete five star, it's the best book on how to make conversations better also , author have depth knowledge what she is talking about a, she has given various examples and in the first chapter only she defeated all the myths regarding the flirting nature or how it should be , I liked the part where she tells about Sweden 's bars coffee shops cause I had a little experience of that also . And she illustrated all these with the experimental persons and mainly she is telling " if you feel attractive then you are attractive and you can attract anyone provided you need to spend sometime out of this screen world " , I am not sure hotape works or not but u don't want to use hotape a monkey so I will only try these knowledge after 3-4 years , it's a must for them who are single or feeling frustrated with their relationships , By reading this book you can know what are the deal breakers in the relationships and do you need to thin slice it or not , and trust me if you are broken by your relationships it's a must read . I think Elon Musk should also try this and suggest this one to your friends and family members who are struggling with a bad rhythm of relationships ,after reading it they will know a lot more things about how people get attracted and how to maintain it , the book has all spilled the entire juice all over , so you shouldn't skip the parts . I have enjoyed it and hope you will also enjoy it a lot . And really flirting is fun and specially after reading this book . Jean's hard work will show effect for sure .😊😉
October 1, 2025
Flirtology by Jean Smith is a refreshing and science-backed guide to modern dating that cuts through the noise of apps, rules, and “pickup tricks” to get to the heart of what really matters authentic human connection.
Blending her expertise as a cultural anthropologist with years of hands-on coaching, Smith shows readers how flirting isn’t about manipulation but about confidence, openness, and genuine interaction. With practical exercises, myth-busting insights, and a fun, approachable style, Flirtology helps readers sharpen their social intuition, recognize when someone is interested, and build the courage to initiate conversations naturally.
In an age dominated by swiping and ghosting, this book is both liberating and empowering. Rather than teaching people to perform or play games, Smith’s framework allows readers to present their true selves and attract partners who are right for them.
Whether you’re shy, skeptical of dating culture, or simply ready to replace “connectivity” with real connection, Flirtology offers an evidence-based path to love that feels both modern and timeless.
Blending her expertise as a cultural anthropologist with years of hands-on coaching, Smith shows readers how flirting isn’t about manipulation but about confidence, openness, and genuine interaction. With practical exercises, myth-busting insights, and a fun, approachable style, Flirtology helps readers sharpen their social intuition, recognize when someone is interested, and build the courage to initiate conversations naturally.
In an age dominated by swiping and ghosting, this book is both liberating and empowering. Rather than teaching people to perform or play games, Smith’s framework allows readers to present their true selves and attract partners who are right for them.
Whether you’re shy, skeptical of dating culture, or simply ready to replace “connectivity” with real connection, Flirtology offers an evidence-based path to love that feels both modern and timeless.
November 10, 2023
I got to say this is not only a book about flirting, at least it's not that kind of flirting you would think of. It's more about how to connect with people, strangers - those who might have the potential to be included in your life. Widening your social boundaries is good for life experience, career, finding a romantic partner, we can all agree on that. But, it's terrifying! I have to say, after reading this book I have a completely different mindset. To open a proper conversation with a stranger happens to be around you, it's not about examining them to be perfect or not (or vice versa), it's just merely about creating a delightful conversation that gives you both a good day. It breaks my fear of being in a crowd and knowing no one's there. It's only about making an enjoyable conversation, who doesn't like it? I am excited about practicing it in my daily life, and bring enjoyable conversations to my encounters and myself.
October 21, 2024
A pretty decent read overall, deserving of about 3.5 stars. However, I found myself wishing the book had been written by a male researcher. What was notably missing, in my opinion, was a male perspective on initiating conversations and navigating deeper strategies in dating. It often feels easier for women to draw attention or start a conversation, while for men, without a clear strategy, it can be more challenging.
Another aspect that felt underdeveloped was the author's somewhat dismissive attitude toward online dating. While it’s true that online dating isn’t perfect, the reality is that it's becoming increasingly significant. In today’s generation, less than 10% of couples meet through cold approaches or traditional offline methods. The majority now form connections through a combination of online interactions and shared circumstances. It would have been helpful to see more recognition of these shifts in modern dating dynamics.
Another aspect that felt underdeveloped was the author's somewhat dismissive attitude toward online dating. While it’s true that online dating isn’t perfect, the reality is that it's becoming increasingly significant. In today’s generation, less than 10% of couples meet through cold approaches or traditional offline methods. The majority now form connections through a combination of online interactions and shared circumstances. It would have been helpful to see more recognition of these shifts in modern dating dynamics.
April 15, 2018
Biology: the study of living organisms.
Psychology: the study of the human psyche.
Cosmology: the study of the universe.
.
.
.
Now add to this list "flirtology," which is "the study of flirting.”
Jean Smith, the author, is a social and cultural anthropologist. She has studied flirting practices in four cities around the world: New York, Paris, London, and Stockholm. She reveals in her book some similar patterns of flirting shared by all the studied populations.
This easy-to-read book sheds light on this intricate human interaction and helps you improve your flirting skills. Whether you are a zero-defect flirt or an introvert geek, there is much to learn from this book.
Psychology: the study of the human psyche.
Cosmology: the study of the universe.
.
.
.
Now add to this list "flirtology," which is "the study of flirting.”
Jean Smith, the author, is a social and cultural anthropologist. She has studied flirting practices in four cities around the world: New York, Paris, London, and Stockholm. She reveals in her book some similar patterns of flirting shared by all the studied populations.
This easy-to-read book sheds light on this intricate human interaction and helps you improve your flirting skills. Whether you are a zero-defect flirt or an introvert geek, there is much to learn from this book.
November 28, 2019
As we all know the Non-Fiction is used to put some impact on each one of us who ready any book, The same things come here i.e. mostly you know it and some new things on the board.
Where these things when explained by some renowned personality then it impacts and give realization that yes i can, Flirtology is just you must love yourself and then spread love for the others to make some relationship that can be any relation depends on the choice every individual make.
One Smile is very important for any interaction and to break the silence that this book teach you the most.
Where these things when explained by some renowned personality then it impacts and give realization that yes i can, Flirtology is just you must love yourself and then spread love for the others to make some relationship that can be any relation depends on the choice every individual make.
One Smile is very important for any interaction and to break the silence that this book teach you the most.
November 11, 2020
Offers good perspective on how we can understand flirtatious interactions. There are a couple great tools in here to help take the pressure off and focus attention in a positive and purposeful way.
Jean Smith is definitely focused on in-person human connection first and technology as a tool second. Emphasis is placed on living in the present moment and doing what feels right.
Jean Smith is definitely focused on in-person human connection first and technology as a tool second. Emphasis is placed on living in the present moment and doing what feels right.
September 7, 2022
Read this to learn some insight from a psychology/anthropology perspective. I can see how this is helpful for those who are hesitant at going out and dating but the general gist of this book is have some confidence and talk to everyone. Glad this book helps some but I had been left wanting more of human interaction anecdotes.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 25, 2021
This book was awesome! It is more than a how to book, it's a call to start looking at life and relationships under a totally different light and it's also about considering the effect of technology on interpersonal interactions.
February 27, 2025
Some things that are left unsaid, need to be said! Jean Smith does this and more, providing entertaining anecdotes and enlightening perspectives on the ruts and mental blocks we acquire on the dating scene.
May 20, 2025
Heaps of helpful and fun suggestions for every day life. It would have felt more well rounded to mention same sex attraction/gender diversity. It's clearly not who this book is aimed towards but just acknowledging that the world isn't straight and cis would have helped.
Overall very good book
Overall very good book
November 22, 2019
This book is way better than I expected!
June 4, 2022
Good, broadly useful for reminders to interact with people/environment around me
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April 24, 2023酒吧這個搭訕場地設定實在……
March 17, 2024
This book should be more popular. It addresses many of the problems a significant number of young people face today. Writing is to the point, yet entertaining. Well done!
September 1, 2024
fun lil' tube ride read
February 15, 2025
If you are into self help, or need a practical guide to start dating/flirting this book is for you.
July 23, 2025
Interesting to listen to. Some good pointers for anyone at any stage of trying to flirt. In general just good advice for talking with strangers.
August 19, 2025
Actually pretty useful positive information and not just a bunch of pick up lines and how to neg people
December 15, 2025
Oh hey, you seem like you have great taste in books. What do you think of this one?
November 19, 2021
Dispelled some myths I had about physical touch, online dating, and what a successful relationship is. Not that exciting and actionable but a nice perspective shift.
January 5, 2020
By far the best book I've read on the subject.
There are a lot of books on flirting out there written by men that are very, dangerously sexist.
This book is a breath of fresh air, it is scientific in it's approach and represents paradigm shift to the way many people tackle relationships, or the start of, nowadays.
I highly recommend this book for every slightly interested in the subject.
Must read!!
There are a lot of books on flirting out there written by men that are very, dangerously sexist.
This book is a breath of fresh air, it is scientific in it's approach and represents paradigm shift to the way many people tackle relationships, or the start of, nowadays.
I highly recommend this book for every slightly interested in the subject.
Must read!!
May 7, 2025
This book changed my life. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but it gave me exponentially more social confidence and capacity to handle and no longer fear rejection.
I read it in 2019 and continue to apply it to all areas of my life (as strange as that may sound based on the title).
I read it in 2019 and continue to apply it to all areas of my life (as strange as that may sound based on the title).
November 20, 2018
Flirting 101 class. Interesting.
February 19, 2019
An incredibly simple but revolutionary book. A very useful read.
December 25, 2024
Even if not earth shattering, I thought it was an interesting read! Interesting read for people interested in developing sincere connections.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews