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384 pages, Hardcover
First published October 23, 2018
It doesn’t feel like I could ever be that off the rails again, even though I’m sure that’s how I felt before everything started going to shit the first time around.
Yeah, it reeks of weed, and the song “Don’t Stop Believin” has been played four times by 10:30 p.m., but chilling in her kitchen getting buzzed off beer while talking with Lin is not actually that far from my ideal Saturday night.
“I think it would be great if everyone understood feminism. But let’s be realistic for a minute here. How many dudes were in your class?”
“Four,” I say.
“Out of?”
“Twenty-five,” I admit.
“And how many of them were gay?” he asks.
I pause. “I plead the fifth.”
Everything was always so good, is what I’m saying, until it suddenly wasn’t.
Kevin’s got this look on his face that I can barely stand to look at. Anger makes Kevin look like an entirely different person.
I spend all of my time lost in his words, or his eyes, or his touch, and every time I’m pulled back into reality, I want less and less to do with it.
Here is a fact:
Sometimes I just get… sad.
I guess that’s why I’m starting at the end. I don’t want anyone to be confused about the type of love story I’m about to tell, or where it’s going, or what to expect. And I don’t want to disappoint anyone in search of a happy ending. I’ll say it from the start: this isn’t that kind of story.
I know that the tenderness is as temporary as the flash of anger that preceded it, but I can’t help but let myself soak in it, cling on to it like a drowning man to a rope.
“It doesn’t feel like I could ever be that off the rails again, even though I’m sure that’s how I felt before everything started going to shit the first time around.”
“Ever since the whole mental meltdown thing happened in the middle of the school year last semester, my mother has really gotten into tea, as if some particuarly potent strain of chamomile is going to be able to soothe our family's nerves back into normalcy.”
“Some love stories aren't meant to last.”
"You want to love someone because they complement you and make you a better person, not because you need them or because they’re distracting you from other issues in your life or because they fulfill a need that’s going otherwise unfulfilled."