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304 pages, ebook
First published March 6, 2018
I will show you what a woman can do.
I wish men
would decide
if women are heavenly
angels on high,
or earthbound sculptures
for their gardens.
But either way we’re beauty
for consumption.
She did not ask for the beauty that attracted him. She did not ask for gold and jewels. To you these might seem like unimaginable luxuries. But beauty is a heavy crown.
So is womanhood.
That’s just the way of things.
I beg and fight and scrape
for scraps while he just has to glance
upon a thing to make it
his.
(Sometimes that’s all you need, my love—another woman’s faith in you.)
(If you remember nothing else of Susanna, remember how she speaks her truth. She knows it will cost her something. She’s not aware yet quite how steep the cost will be, but still, she speaks her truth.)
Is this all I get?
Not all stories have happy endings. I cannot promise this one will either. But I am certain you will be glad you stayed with Susanna to the end. She deserves that much—a witness, one who says I see you, hear you.
When a woman risks
her place, her very life to speak
a truth the world despises?
Believe her. Always.
“You would have done whatever you had to do to survive the moment. And you would have received no judgment from me either way.”
gradients of hope,
and pigments of resilience.
ran through her very blood.
I've grown accustomed
to the lack of light
inside our studio.
But from this angle
of fatigue a ray
slants through
the window
to bounce across the surface
of the foul, gelatinous
potion I've just brewed.
Beneath the light, it's a golden sea,
tranquil but for the slightest breeze.
A place where magic hums
beneath the surface, mermaids,
water sprites, and queens
of gleaming realms
I wish men
would decide
if women are heavenly
angels on high,
or earthbound sculptures
for their gardens
But either way we’re beauty
for consumption.
And you should realize, love, that even the simple act of a bath is potentially world-altering. But then, you never see the beast until he is upon you.
Because this story is only for you. The boys have all the tales they need of brave warriors and army captains.
Something has shifted,
a glint in his eye,
a thing that makes him monstrous
but could flip around
and charm a queen.

“Not all stories have happy endings. I cannot promise this one will either. But I am certain you will be glad you stayed with Susanna to the end. She deserves that much - a witness, one who says I see you, hear you, I'm better for knowing your story”
“And listen to me love, when a woman risks her place, her very life to speak a truth the world despises? Believe her. Always.”
“Why, though, does it take a mother, daughter, sister for men to take a woman at her word?”
“Any man who breathes has more power than a woman in her world – and our world too.”
“But that day's not now.
And even if this horror
becomes an accent color -
a smudge of lead white
to highlight a cheekbone,
a bit of yellow ochre
the glint on a sword -
sometimes those are the pigments
that change one's perecption
of an entire work of art.”
“I will show you
what a woman can do.”
Judith, I don’t have a sword.
She reaches out,
Her hands bloodstained,
And wraps my fingers
Around the brush.
He touched everything.
I have to burn myself to ash
Before his touch could be erased.
When a woman risks
her place, her very life to speak
a truth the world despises?
Believe her. Always.
I will show you
what a woman can do.
Everything begins from here:
the viewing point,
the place where you stand,
your eye level.
That single point on the horizon
where all other lines
converge.
But I’m holding back
until I think
perhaps
my skills
can match
my heart.
I wish men
would decide
if women are heavenly
angels on high,
or earthbound sculptures
for their gardens.
But either way we’re beauty
for consumption.
Not even voice
but breath upon my neck,
the slightest whisper
if I concentrate,
reach out in hopes
I’ll feel her reaching back.
“I wish men would decide if women are heavenly angels on high, or earthbound sculptures for their gardens.”
“My back aches not only from the weight of the child I bare, but from all I must carry as a woman.”
“But that’s the thing about perspective. The slightest shift transforms the subject.”