Real Lives: Eleven Teenagers Who Don't Go to School Tell Their Own Stories

by Grace Llewellyn

In 1993, eleven homeschooled teenagers described their lives in rich detail, and Real Lives quickly became a homeschooling classic. Erin's favorite teacher was her horse Nick, blind in one eye. Kyla flew to South America in September of what would have been her senior year alone, except for her mountain bike. Jeremiah and his sister Serena published a newsletter on peace issues. Patrick, who hoped someday to design video games, had spent the past few years compiling portfolios of his writing and artwork. Rebecca worked at homeless shelters and, through Habitat for Humanity, built houses for people in need. Anne tended honeybees and plucked a bluegrass banjo. Ayanna kept pace with 50 pen-pals mostly in Africa while Kevin talked with people all over the world on his ham radio. Amanda performed with a violin quintet and worked through the mail with her writing mentor. Vallie answered questions at a marine science center; Tabitha answered the phone at a crisis line, and helped midwives at births.

Now those eleven homeschoolers have grown up and engaged the territory of adulthood, college, and career and the new edition of Real Lives includes updates from all of them. From gaining admission to an Ivy League institution without taking the SAT to crafting a simple life centered on writing and gardening, they tell where life has taken them and where they have taken life, and offer hindsight and advice for others choosing to learn outside of school.

Genres: Education, Nonfiction, Biography, Teaching

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Grace Llewellyn taught school for three years before unschooling herself and writing The Teenage Liberation Handbook at the age of twenty-six. She has since edited Real Lives: eleven teenagers who don’t go to school and Freedom Challenge: African American Homeschoolers, and written Guerrilla Learning: How to Give Your Kids a Real Education With or Without School (with co-author Amy Silver).

With the goal of helping people (mostly teenagers) take more control over their own lives and educations, she's also spoken to groups and conferences, given workshops, directed a resource center, produced a mail order book catalog, published a newsletter, and written articles.

In 1996 she founded the Not Back to School Camp for unschooled teenagers, which she continues to direct each year in Oregon and West Virginia. Grace also performs and teaches bellydance, and gets her hands into numerous other projects. She lives in Eugene, Oregon.

Reviews

[Private Account · Rating 3 out of 5]

-The first two stories are fascinating because their lives are so different from schoooled kids.
-But the stories get boring quickly
-Would have liked it if their parents had all done things a little more differently
-Very important to hear how it all turns out, yet also very disappointing since they all went on to flounder, work for non profits or be teachers at public schools!
-Gave me lots of ideas on how I will do it with my kids though
-And made me sad that I had to suffer through public school

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is about unschooling, not homeschooling with a curriculum. I web-stalked as many of this kids as possible (they're all a few years older than I am, and their experiences unschooling before the rise of the internet seem almost quaint). Spoiler alert: They're almost all a bunch of smug underachievers who grew up to do mainstream or downright unimpressive things. I wonder how many of them have gone on to homeschool their own children, since few of them had kids when this book was being put together (back in 2004-5).

The kids are really homogeneous, mostly girls (8/11), almost all white (9/11), and almost entirely from rural areas. After a few the essays seemed to run together. The perspective I related to the most was that of Patrick Meehan, the identified-gifted kid who went through hell in public school and private school who finally left it all as a self-preservation measure. Some of his struggles were my own, especially bullying by overly conventional or just plain antagonistic teachers. I'm glad to see that he's thriving today.

A lot of these kids seem to have *really* short attention spans, and ten years after the original book they're still unsettled. This seems to be one of the serious pitfalls of unschooling. These kids are (usually) motivated but they're not committed. Some of them seem to be a lot more humble as adults, and a few of them even regretted if not their choice to homeschool, their smugness about homeschooling or missing opportunities that their schooling friends had. Some went on to college, but no one became a Silicon Valley billionaire or renowned thoracic surgeon or anything.


Updates on our profiled students, including links if I was at least 90% sure of the identity of the people. Some of them have gotten some career traction, which makes sense given that they're 35-40 by now, but no one really seems to have been a wunderkind.

Erin (Roberts) Cosgrove
Jeremiah Gingold
Serena Gingold (Allen?--- just married March 2015)
Vallie (Raymond) Jacobson
Rebecca (Merrion) Kluemper
Kyla (Wetherell) Miller
Anne (Bronson) Lawson
Ayanna Williams
Patrick Meehan
Tabitha (Mountjoy) Hall
Kevin Sellstrom
Amanda Bergson-Shilcock

[Adrian Perez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Also wished I had this book when I was younger. It would have given me ideas on how to tackle tough subjects in school while maintaining a fulfilling life.

[Stormkpr · Rating 3 out of 5]

As the title implies, it is a book of essays by teens who are homeschooled. Homeschooling –at least in the US - is often associated with religious fundamentalism, but this group of teens did not homeschool for religious reasons; many, in fact, became activists in the peace and environmental movements. I have to start out by saying that there were several things about the book that I didn’t care for. First, there was some degree of teacher-bashing. Sure, we’ve all had bad teachers but I’ve also had a few wonderful ones and known many teachers who work for crappy pay because they truly love educating people. Also, a lot of the essayists were just full of themselves and it was a little irritating. I suppose you’d find that among many teenagers, homeschooled or not. But I really didn’t care for lines such as, “I’m one of the proud few in this country who can locate the United States on a map!” Um, granted, most American’s aren’t very good at Geography, but I have to believe that more than “a few” can locate our country on a map, Einstein. Another essay went on for over 30 pages with its teenager author writing in a very condescending manner. I realize that it’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, but too many of the essayists crossed the line, in my book. But when I could make myself ignore the many negatives of this book, the essays were at least interesting and mind-expanding. I liked hearing about the different ways they homeschooled – some had schedules and lesson plans, others simply did whatever they felt like, but most did truly learn.(Most. One of them apparently sat at home and wrote to her pen pals all day). It did make me wonder what my life would have been like had I been able to learn in an unstructured way and just pursue whatever subjects I wanted. Heck, I’m probably so used to having structure and plans that I can’t even imagine what such freedom would be like. One teen went on a bicycling trek around Latin America as part of her learning. The teens in this book all loved being able to decide what to study and decide how to go about doing it, and that was refreshing to read. One thing I would love to see would be a study on how these teens are doing years later. The skeptic in me still wonders if they might have a hard time making a living later on, but I realize I might be dead wrong on that one and that these folks might be very successful (depending on your definition of “success”) as adults.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading about the experiences of the various homeschoolers featured in the book but I really appreciated the perspectives of their grown-up selves included in this 11th anniversary edition. The teens extolled the virtues of their chosen way of educating themselves (unschooling) and seemed to put down public school across the board. I gave a pass to the ones who had actually experienced public school and chose to homeschool because of bad experiences, but others had strong opinions without actually having attended, which bothered me a bit.

The adults had a softer way about them after having lived a bit more. I appreciated their honesty when some of the writers said they wished they had applied themselves more at a certain subject or had some of the experiences the public school kids do such as dances, walking down the hall to class with friends, etc.

A homeschooling mom of many years, from this book I learned what ideal unschooling is: kids allowed to choose the way they will be educated. All eleven teens were driven by their desire to learn certain subjects or have certain experiences. None seemed to desire to do nothing with their time. From experience, I know not all kids benefit from such an unstructured environment, but it was interesting to read about nonetheless.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book, so glad I read it. I enjoyed it both from the perspective of someone who attended public school as well as someone who wants to offer more to her kids than public school alone offers. (For us by family-based education/homeschooling)

Completely fascinating to read a wide range of experiences that these teenagers had while learning outside of school--some of them attended school then switched to hom learning, some never attended schools. It really gives you an idea of what learning without school looks like in a day-to-day way, from a variety of individuals, as well as get an idea for how their parents supported them in their goals and dreams.

I appreciate reading their viewpoints in their own words, and the updates they gave as young adults gives further insight into how their non-traditional education *actually* played out in affecting their lives as young adults. I highly recommend this book to anyone questioning education in the United States or who is curious about different ways of learning.

[Korinna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciate what Llewellyn is doing when writing these books, but I didn't find this book very inspiring. In order for these kids to be unschooled, their parents or guardians have to make that decision for them, so they have that privilege with access to alternative learning. I'm glad that these youth have access to making their own decisions about their education, but not all youth have that. Therefore it felt like patting kids on the back for being privileged, which we do enough of already. However, this book might be good for someone who has less progressive/radical views on education, it could help them understand why unschooling could be helpful to a youth who isn't successful in public education.

[Littlevision · Rating 3 out of 5]

Real Lives is a collection of essays written by unschool teens in the early 1990's. The edition I read was the 2005 edition, so it contained updates from all of the writers about their adult lives. Some of the stories I liked more than others, but overall, I think it's a good read for those interested in unschooling (or at this point in time, the history of unschooling -- at the original publishing date, the internet was not a readily available resource. Unschooling is even more relevant now with the easier access of information).

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! Don't read this book unless you want to have your mind opened to the potential wonders of homeschooling (AKA unschooling, home education, etc.). Although these kids were not randomly selected, their stories are inspiring and they certainly give homeschooling a good name. Clearly the majority of these kids are not lazy, layabouts, nor do their parents sit with them all day at the kitchen table and instruct them. Lots of creativity. Amazing.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. I know Grace Llewellyn is one of the greats of the unschooling movement but even as an unschooling parent, this book just did not do it for me. Not one of these kids is from an urban environment, there's one black girl, one Asian girl (adopted by a white family) and the rest are a pretty homogeneous group. The essays all feel irritatingly twee and precocious. I dunno... like I said, it just didn't pique my interest at all.

[Morgan Djuna Sorais Harrigan · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you liked this book, you may also like the Not Back to School Camp. Grace is there, and so our many of the other people who influenced this book and others about unschooling. As an unschooler myself, I thought this book was really awesome and also recommend 'The Teenage Liberation Handbook' also by Grace Llewellyn.

[Annlouise Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the real life stories that didn't show just the successful lives but also the struggling. What it did show me is that it is similar to aging - the older you get age differences don't seem so big. Public/private/homeschool doesn't seem to be such a huge gap once kids become adults and start their life careers.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it, highly recommend it. Good for teenagers, homeschoolers and anyone who things teenagers (or kids in general) won't have ambition or do anything if not pushed. I read the 11th anniversary edition which was wonderful because the updated their lives about 11 years later.

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

Notes:
need to get the updated '05 version so I can read about how these teens turned out in adulthood; this is a great book to hand the haters in our lives that think unschooling can't work and might ruin our kids; these teens are truly inspiring

[Miranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Got pulled into each student's story as I flipped through the pages. If homeschooling is seeming more appealing in pandemic, this is a good view of high schoolers (even though it's quite dated technology-wise)

[Jo Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked that kids themselves wrote their stories. Amazing kids who are super intelligent scripting their own education.

[Marianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting stories. Would love to see an update on these kids (who are all adults now.)

[Whitaker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great book shows us how everything is great and worth to die for

[D.]

A homeschooling classic