The Authenticity Experiment

by Kate Carroll de Gutes

In 2012, Kate Carroll de Gutes found herself at a rest stop "ruined with anxiety. And when I say ruined, I mean in a car, in hundred-degree weather, with all the windows rolled up, sobbing and crouched in the passenger's seat rocking and waiting for the Ativan to take effect. I posted on Facebook, 'Hello, Redding. Dear gods yer hot.' A funny post that let my family and friends know where I was, but not how I was."

De Gutes didn't yet understand how insidious social media had become--with pictures of risotto and bike rides, images of nights at the theater--all of it curated to show a wonderful life, regardless of what was really occurring. But when her editor, her best friend, and her mother all died within ten months of each other, de Gutes could no longer keep up the charade.

She began The Authenticity Experiment as a 30-day challenge, wondering if she could be more honest about her days. She used social media as her new back fence, a place where she could stand and talk to her "neighbors" about the good and bad. The essays resonated with a wide audience, so de Gutes kept writing, chronicling the dark and the light, and putting it out there for everyone to see.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

200 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2017

About the author

Kate's debut collection of essays, Objects in Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear, won the 2016 Oregon Book Award for creative nonfiction and the Lambda Literary Award for memoir.

Her second book, The Authenticity Experiment: Lessons From the Best & Worst Year of My Life , was released in September 2017 by Two Sylvias Press.

Kate holds an MFA from the Rainier Writing Workshop, where she received the Deborah Tall Fellowship for Lyric Essay. That sounds really fancy and impressive, doesn’t it? Really it means she’ll have student loans until she is 72 years old and that all her liberal arts education makes her fascinating at dinner parties and book clubs. You should invite her and see for yourself. Kate will be charming and just may show up in a lovely patterned tie with a double Windsor knot.

Reviews

[Jay Gracias · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything about this book. The writing style, the emotions, the lessons shared, the raw truth of it all. I can’t wait to read her other book!

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t know I needed a book on grieving at this moment in the COVID-19 pandemic; I just knew that Sally at Broadway Books had this on her list of recommended reads. And I’ve wanted to read work by Kate Carroll de Gutes for some time now. She is a welcoming literary citizen here in Portland. So I ordered The Authenticity Experiment from Broadway Books per Sally’s rec, and found that Kate’s honesty in dealing with grief related to the deaths of her mother, her friend, her mentor, and her relationships was an honest, raw reminder that life by its very nature is a challenge, pandemic or not.

[Dianah (onourpath) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kate Carroll de Gutes' slim memoir is so very much bigger than it appears. Recounting the deaths of her father, mother, mentor and friend, she is struck by the duality of her life; grief, sorrow, panic, and exhaustion in her real life, yet her Facebook life is full of posts that are wry and humorous. Out of this discordance comes "The Authenticity Experiment." de Gutes decides to be as authentic as she possibly can -- and wow, can she. Excavating deeply her emotions and weaknesses, de Gutes exposes the scaffolding of her grief, and the texture of her days. Beautifully done, this tiny memoir will leave you dazzled.

[Milo R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

(3.5)

[cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a delight to find this book by Kate Carroll de Gutes. While I wait for her book Objects in Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear, which won the 2016 Oregon Book Award for creative nonfiction and the Lambda Literary Award for memoir, I saw that this was available immediately via Hoopla and I devoured it in one night - a memoir that is so resonant in its attempt to relate honestly via a month-long Facebook challenge, turned book of essays, about grief, panic, and figuring out how to be human and make your way through this world, fantastic bowtie and all.

From a review on Two Sylvia's Press, "In 2012, Kate Carroll de Gutes found herself at a rest stop “ruined with anxiety. And when I say ruined, I mean in a car, in hundred-degree weather, with all the windows rolled up, sobbing and crouched in the passenger’s seat rocking and waiting for the Ativan to take effect. I posted on Facebook, ‘Hello, Redding. Dear gods yer hot.’ A funny post that let my family and friends know where I was, but not how I was.” " Thank goodness that prompted Kate to share so much more about how she *really* was.

[Debbra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sure, there are other non-fiction authors and memoirists out there writing about authenticity, vulnerability and such. Some of them have even been on Super Soul Sunday with Oprah or hiked the Pacific Crest Trail alone—and thankfully—we have their stories because it's all very inspiring.

I love Brené Brown and Cheryl Strayed. In The Authenticity Experiment, Kate Carroll de Gutes does something different in going beyond helpful platitudes and inward exploration. I actually think de Gutes is on the bravest, hardest trail of all—the "Real Life" trail which she describes as it is, and as it feels—the loss, the dark and the light. And she is daringly honest about it. Ok, and there's a bonus: she's really funny, too. So, you get all the feels from this award-winning writer.

[Debra Kidney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of two of my book group’s April reads. We usually have a beach retreat, not this year, and always choose an Oregon author(s) to read and discuss. This is a collection of short essays/blog posts, from a Portland writer who went through a harrowing year experiencing the deaths of her mentor, best friend and mother within a 10-month span. It started as a 30-day challenge to be authentic on social media, where many of us only display our smiley-face lives, and evolved into beautiful musings on grieving, living through sorrow, all told with humor, joy, and, yes, authenticity.

Oh and it was fun to ‘get’ all the Portland references. Sounds like Kate does, or did, live in my neighborhood.

[Sandra de Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

de Gutes is an extraordinary writer of essays. This book began as a challenge to herself to write a post a day for thirty days in which she told the truth about—and to—herself. She was in the midst of what she calls the best and worst year of her life, as she dealt with illness and death, settling estates, breaking up with her girlfriend, and more. Her examination of both the big picture and minutiae of life is thought-provoking. Her honesty about her feelings, her actions, her privilege make me want more honesty in my own life. Each small essay is one to be treasured, fondled, read again and again.

[Tanya Goodman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seventeen years ago, I lost my dad to early onset Alzheimer's. I still miss him. I think I will always be sorting my way through grief and life and the struggle to be and to be gentle with my own (dear) self. In telling her own story of grief and life, Kate Carroll de Gutes has crafted a universally appealing narrative that is heartbreaking, hilarious, wise and wonderful. It's a book about loss, but more importantly, it's a book about the ongoing search for self, the fits and starts inherent to personal growth and the beauty and mystery of being human. "The Authenticity Experiment" is a shining example of the way all our small stories knit into a big, universal story.

[Olivia Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kate signed this book to me ‘I hope these essays resonate with you’....little did I know that months after being given these and finding little time in between raising my young child that this book truly would strike such chords. Kate describes memories of her deceased parents and feeling such emotions. My father unexpectedly passed and I could honestly relate to her words. Thank you Kate for such an incredible read. Xx

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

We saw this author speak at Wordstock last year with a panel of memiorists. This book was taken from her blog, so all the essays are two or three pages. Some honest discussion of mourning parents who you struggled with and her feelings about her identity.

[Levi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars!

I enjoyed this book! There were a few essays that made me teary-eyed. I struggled however, with some of the language around weight, eating, and health. While I appreciate the honesty, the moralization of food and exercise was hard for me to read at times.

[Brian Friesen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is stunningly honest, emotionally rich, and humorous. Kate Carrol de Gutes faces difficult truths about her past, present, and future thoughtfully and compassionately. I found myself reading and rereading sections to figure out how she delves into her own memories and lived experience with such exactness and clarity. I recommend this book highly. Read it to understand what it is like to live through loss, finding healing in moments along the way. Read it to discover the writer's rich emotional landscape that may just broaden your own. Read it to feel less alone in the world.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

My text to my friend Frosty when I started this book, "I have cried approximately 35 times and I am on page 43." But it was a good cry ... read this.