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Breaking the Ruhls: A Memoir
A profoundly personal account of the impact of complex trauma on a man’s life. Larry Ruhl’s father sought comfort from his only son, smothering him not only with his affection, but his sexuality—blurring critical boundaries that would prove deeply debilitating. Larry’s mother, with her spiraling, ever-changing mental illness kept the family in a constant state of anxiety. By the time Larry graduated from high school, overwhelming sadness and suicidal thoughts took root, plaguing him for decades. Breaking the Ruhls will resonate deeply with many who have experienced similar trauma, boundary violations, and abuse within the family. Ruhl mines his own experiences with sexual confusion, addiction and recovery, relationships, career struggles, and therapeutic breakthroughs, while demonstrating it is possible to heal and thrive. Larry Ruhl serves as a board member for Taking Back Ourselves, which facilitates weekends of recovery for survivors of sexual abuse, and is a registered speaker with RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network). He previously served as a board member at Male Survivor, a leading organization in the fight to improve the resources and support available to male survivors of all forms of sexual abuse. Today he takes meetings into addiction treatment centers as a way to shed shame and draw the parallels between addiction and sexual abuse.
254 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 26, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
March 3, 2022
The main reason that I enjoyed this book was because of its honesty. The author describes in detail some of the most traumatic events throughout his life. Some of which were buried so deep, that he began to question what was real and what he could have simply imagined. He is beautifully able to tell a story so complex and difficult to share in such a truthful way. Overall I was captivated by the story and getting to see just how long abuse really does affect someone.
While I did thoroughly love this book and its message I did have some quarrels with it as well. To begin I did not particularly adore how the author would divulge from the main theme of the story and go into a small rant about something irrelevant. Furthermore, I was confused as to why the book had been split into two separate parts. Part 1 is Levittown and Part two is New York. In part one it does primarily take place inside of Levittown, however, in part two he is only really in New York for about half the time. In conclusion, I did truly appreciate the openness about a topic that isn't often shared, but for the reasons I just mentioned I had to give it four stars.
While I did thoroughly love this book and its message I did have some quarrels with it as well. To begin I did not particularly adore how the author would divulge from the main theme of the story and go into a small rant about something irrelevant. Furthermore, I was confused as to why the book had been split into two separate parts. Part 1 is Levittown and Part two is New York. In part one it does primarily take place inside of Levittown, however, in part two he is only really in New York for about half the time. In conclusion, I did truly appreciate the openness about a topic that isn't often shared, but for the reasons I just mentioned I had to give it four stars.
April 14, 2018
Raw Truth.
This memoir is a must read for any abuse victim/survivor, male/female. You will identify with Ruhl's struggle for identity & normalcy.
This memoir is a must read for any abuse victim/survivor, male/female. You will identify with Ruhl's struggle for identity & normalcy.
August 12, 2020
searing, shocking, and ultimately resilience. I thank the author for sharing
October 11, 2020
Validating!
March 22, 2024
This is an important book, at least to me. Also, a little hard to read for me, with so many memories triggered while reading. Yet, that’s exactly why it’s so important to me, this book makes me feel less alone. It’s a story that needs to be told, it’s the story of Larry Ruhl.
People may not realize it, but there are many men with such a story. Most of their stories will never be told, one has to be brave to tell such a story. That’s what Larry is, brave. He is also someone who makes other male survivors, like me, feel less alone. Thank you for that Larry!
For people, like me, who don’t have English as a native language, it may be a little hard to read though. With sentences like “I had found a new way of dissipating the undeniable pang of anxiety that resides in me”. It may be a bit hard to read sometimes, it’s definitely worth the effort!
The book also gave me a good reason to improve my English a bit more.
Now let me tell you about the book. In the first part, we see Larry as a kid, becoming an adult.
With only his older sister to cling to, he must not only face the unpredictable and sometimes dangerous mood swings of his mum, he must also fulfill his father’s pernicious “needs”. This part was hard for me, I had to put the book aside a few times. Just reading I was so relieved when he finally got to the second part, where he became an adult and left it all behind. One can only imagine how relieved Larry was himself. No child should have to face such terror. Fortunately, he gets away, finally he is on his way to New York.
Once in New York, new challenges emerge, he must find his way in life, we see him struggle and succeed in the second part. Often doubting his sexual orientation, as he grew up in an environment where, despite the acts of his father, only one choice seemed acceptable. Worrying about his orientation, looking for love and then suddenly… Love crosses his path, his name is David.
Of course, they both deserve to simply live happily ever after from now.
But the past always leaves its trails, sometimes the past makes love and relations hard. Something most survivors will know from their own lives. Which made this part hard to read for me as well. But I also know writing it down is a lot harder. And Larry is brave enough to write openly about this aspect of his past. And David is just as wonderful to let him write freely. They really struggle though, for many pages. To be honest I shed a few tears when they finally married. But it’s all those struggles before sharing the rings that makes this book so important. All survivors struggle. And all survivors feel ashamed and guilty to the one they love for this struggle and all the pain it costs. This is the story of Larry. But we should also cheer for David, with all the love and patience he showed.
Thank you for this book Larry!
People may not realize it, but there are many men with such a story. Most of their stories will never be told, one has to be brave to tell such a story. That’s what Larry is, brave. He is also someone who makes other male survivors, like me, feel less alone. Thank you for that Larry!
For people, like me, who don’t have English as a native language, it may be a little hard to read though. With sentences like “I had found a new way of dissipating the undeniable pang of anxiety that resides in me”. It may be a bit hard to read sometimes, it’s definitely worth the effort!
The book also gave me a good reason to improve my English a bit more.
Now let me tell you about the book. In the first part, we see Larry as a kid, becoming an adult.
With only his older sister to cling to, he must not only face the unpredictable and sometimes dangerous mood swings of his mum, he must also fulfill his father’s pernicious “needs”. This part was hard for me, I had to put the book aside a few times. Just reading I was so relieved when he finally got to the second part, where he became an adult and left it all behind. One can only imagine how relieved Larry was himself. No child should have to face such terror. Fortunately, he gets away, finally he is on his way to New York.
Once in New York, new challenges emerge, he must find his way in life, we see him struggle and succeed in the second part. Often doubting his sexual orientation, as he grew up in an environment where, despite the acts of his father, only one choice seemed acceptable. Worrying about his orientation, looking for love and then suddenly… Love crosses his path, his name is David.
Of course, they both deserve to simply live happily ever after from now.
But the past always leaves its trails, sometimes the past makes love and relations hard. Something most survivors will know from their own lives. Which made this part hard to read for me as well. But I also know writing it down is a lot harder. And Larry is brave enough to write openly about this aspect of his past. And David is just as wonderful to let him write freely. They really struggle though, for many pages. To be honest I shed a few tears when they finally married. But it’s all those struggles before sharing the rings that makes this book so important. All survivors struggle. And all survivors feel ashamed and guilty to the one they love for this struggle and all the pain it costs. This is the story of Larry. But we should also cheer for David, with all the love and patience he showed.
Thank you for this book Larry!
April 19, 2022
I started this book because one of my friends was hoping to be able to cut it into a dramatic speech, but as I continued reading I found this book it be intriguing and impactful. I can only compare one other book I have read to it. That book was called a Child Called It. Anyone who has ever read that book understands how impactful memoirs can be. This book was definitely out of my comfort zone when it comes to books, but I think that this book was important for me to read. It showed me how you can never really know what a person is going through.
This book was centered around a family called the Ruhls. This family has a toxic, alcoholic mother who is abusive towards her husband and both her children. Unfortunately, the father is a pushover and does not stand up to the wife. We later learn that the father of this family has a dark side too. This book follows a boy that grows into a man while he realizes that he was sexually abused when he was a child. This affects his whole life and his identity. This book has had an impact on me and being able to hopefully be able to help my peers turn this into a speech that will reach hundreds of people will be an amazing feat.
This book was centered around a family called the Ruhls. This family has a toxic, alcoholic mother who is abusive towards her husband and both her children. Unfortunately, the father is a pushover and does not stand up to the wife. We later learn that the father of this family has a dark side too. This book follows a boy that grows into a man while he realizes that he was sexually abused when he was a child. This affects his whole life and his identity. This book has had an impact on me and being able to hopefully be able to help my peers turn this into a speech that will reach hundreds of people will be an amazing feat.
September 3, 2022
ITA:
Un libro pesante. Non c'è altro modo di presentarlo se non questo.
Autobiografia di una vittima di abuso minorile sopravvissuto al suo aguzzino, e alla vita che si è costruito dopo la sua infanzia rubata, questo libro passa da descrizioni quotidiane e innocenti a frasi crude e da brivido su ciò che ha subito fin da piccolo.
E' stato difficile da leggere, sia per le descrizioni di cose subite, sia per le scelte di vita che ne sono conseguite. E' un libro che racconta una storia purtroppo comune a molte persone, ma allo stesso tempo con cui è facile empatizzare e relazionarsi, ognuno a proprio modo.
Non è un libro per tutti.
ENG:
This book was hard. Hard to read and hard on emotions.
Written by a child abuse survivor, it goes from innocet outlines of daily life, to crude and heart breaking descriptions of what really happened in the author's early life.
Not only was hard to read about the abuse he had to endure, it was maybe even harder to read about how he dealt with the aftermath in his adult life.
It's a book easy to empatize with thanks to the humaness of the narrator.
It's not a book for everybody.
Un libro pesante. Non c'è altro modo di presentarlo se non questo.
Autobiografia di una vittima di abuso minorile sopravvissuto al suo aguzzino, e alla vita che si è costruito dopo la sua infanzia rubata, questo libro passa da descrizioni quotidiane e innocenti a frasi crude e da brivido su ciò che ha subito fin da piccolo.
E' stato difficile da leggere, sia per le descrizioni di cose subite, sia per le scelte di vita che ne sono conseguite. E' un libro che racconta una storia purtroppo comune a molte persone, ma allo stesso tempo con cui è facile empatizzare e relazionarsi, ognuno a proprio modo.
Non è un libro per tutti.
ENG:
This book was hard. Hard to read and hard on emotions.
Written by a child abuse survivor, it goes from innocet outlines of daily life, to crude and heart breaking descriptions of what really happened in the author's early life.
Not only was hard to read about the abuse he had to endure, it was maybe even harder to read about how he dealt with the aftermath in his adult life.
It's a book easy to empatize with thanks to the humaness of the narrator.
It's not a book for everybody.
May 20, 2018
A painful experience, written with a graceful hand. It’s a page turner.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews