Playful Intelligence: The Power of Living Lightly in a Serious World

by Anthony T. DeBenedet MD

As adults, we have more responsibilities than we could have ever imagined growing up. Learning the work of marriage. Navigating the bumpy terrain of parenting. Maintaining social relationships. Facing grave hardship. Finding contentment in our career.

As the years pass by, we sense how the good things in life are so often eclipsed by stress. We find ourselves doing everything we can just to endure adulthood, all the while wondering whether we are actually enjoying it. This is exactly why Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet decided to write Playful Intelligence: The Power of Living Lightly in a Serious World, to show readers how playfulness helps us counterbalance the seriousness of adulthood.

"Five years ago, my life was becoming more intense and stressful," DeBenedet says. "My relationships, clinical work as a physician, and basic interactions with the world were blurring into a frazzled mosaic. Going through the motions became my norm, and every day brought busyness and exhaustion. I thought about whether I was depressed. I didn't think I was. Anxious? Sure, but aren't we all anxious on some level? I also thought about the lifestyle factors that could be making me feel this way. Was I getting enough sleep? Was I exercising regularly? Was I eating healthy? Was I playing and remembering to be playful?"

Today, we live in a taxing world. The endless pressure to keep up with our responsibilities and the daily headlines swarming around us can be overwhelming. DeBenedet's work comes at a time when stress, uncertainty, and intensity levels are high. Playful Intelligence shows adults that there is a way to live lighter--and smarter--as we navigate the seriousness of adulthood. It's not about taking life less seriously; it's about taking ourselves less seriously.

The book's core chapters are devoted to exploring the effects and benefits of five playful qualities: imagination, sociability, humor, spontaneity, and wonder. By examining playfulness as a sum of its parts, readers will gain a working awareness of its power and be able to apply playful principles to their own lives, bringing the magic of childhood back into their day-to-day existence. The book also offers practical suggestions on how to make life more playful in nature.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Business

264 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2018

Reviews

[Literary Redhead · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful, fun, and important book about how to add more joy to adulting through playfulness. Left me feeling lighter in spirit and more optimistic about life.

[Gloria · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are scads of books about children's play and something like '3' on adult play, a subject that has appeal for me and is rarely talked about.

The few books on this subject have yet to shout out with a strong, attractive message that play is not optional, but really vital to good health and the pursuit of happiness. This one is nicely written but is rather intellectual in tone. Each chapter features a success story/example of a rather ordinary person who ended up as CEO or great philanthropist, etc. Only at the end of these chapters was there a summary for 'the rest of us' who will never be world changers.

I appreciate the efforts of this author to look at play from various vantage points such as wonder and spontaneity, but it is a bit too serious (did you see the title?), lacks a bit of warmth and well...playfulness ??

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I read it slowly, sketch-noting my way through, intentionally practicing the five qualities Dr. DeBenedet describes.
It’s real.
It’s researched.
It’s life-shaping.

For anyone interested in play as an ingredient for health- you’ll want to start here.

[Sergii Boiko · Rating 5 out of 5]

What is Playfulness:
“...it’s not about taking life less seriously, but rather taking ourselves less seriously, in a smart way.”

“Play is an action. Playfulness is a behavior (or a set of behaviors).”

“...behavioral qualities that are commonly associated with playfulness: being adventurous, creative, energetic, humorous, imaginative, outgoing, sociable, spontaneous, and many more.”

The book is divided into 5 chapters, each describing one the elements of playfulness. According to the author, they are:
- Imagination
- Sociability
- Humor
- Spontaneity
- Wonder

But my favorite thing about this book is not WHAT it describes, but HOW it does this. The book is filled with real-life examples both from author's life and from life of other people. Some of these stories are inspiring, some are funny and some are touching. But all of them make you think and understand the importance of a playful approach to life.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

A theme of this book is how living with playful intelligence leads to better life outcomes. It’s written by a doctor about a study & it focuses primarily on physical & mental health outcomes, but those benefits certainly apply to all other aspects of life as well.

Summary:



1) Imagination

a) Reframe Readiness
- notice your thoughts, non-judgmentally
- examine your stressor
- choose your own adventure

b) Empathize with Your Enemy
- what drives their emotions?
- mirror them as accurately as possible
- how do you see yourself from their POV?
- beware of pitfalls…
- pitfall 1: overlooking your enemy’s longing for peace
- pitfall 2: overlooking your enemy’s fear of being attacked
- pitfall 3: overlooking your enemy’s understandable anger

c) What a Day for a Daydream
- reframe daydreaming: give yourself permission to do it, do it guilt-free
- timing is everything: choose a time where responsibilities can be put on hold
- focus first: similar to tightening a muscle before allowing it to relax, focus on something (like your breath)
- select a subject: be sure it’s a productive one (past romances are not productive)



2) Sociability

a) Anchors Aweigh
- anchoring happens when one falls back on stereotypes, forms erratic impressions, & jumps too quickly to conclusions / judgements
- shift focus: from perceived differences to something you like about the other person or commonalities
- embrace a mood swing: the happier we are, the less likely we are to anchor
- accept the anchor: not all anchoring is bad, become aware of when they are set & evaluate if it is holding the relationship back from setting sail

b) Powerless Communication
- practice humility
- listen more (especially to women)
- reframe opinions into suggestions
- competence first: avoid pratfall effect, powerless communication works best when humble approach is paired with your capabilities, strengths, & competence
- someone perceived as highly capable will be more likeable after drawing attention their mistake than someone perceived as incapable would be after doing the same thing
- pratfall effect highlights how vulnerability can enhance interpersonal connections, especially when balanced with capability


3) Humour

a) Connection
- imagine where the other person’s offensive line is & don’t overstep it
- keep your thoughts humble

b) Resiliency
- finding humour during tough times is hard, but finding even just a little can be a tremendous source of resiliency


4) Spontaneity

a) Finding Flexibility
- break routines routinely: avoid becoming numb (going through the motions), add tidbits of spontaneity to existing routines
- hold emotions lightly: we need to feel the emotions inside us, but we also don’t want them to overwhelm us - be conscious (when you notice you’re getting overwhelmed, say the emotions out loud or say a codeword to yourself)

b) The Generosity Hurdle
- be able to give without expecting anything in return
- when an opportunity to be generous presents itself, look at the situation selflessly
- then experiment with making a quicker, more spontaneous decision to get involved


5) Wonder

a) Wonder Rehab
- keep threshold for wonder low, like when you were a kid
- find the mini-moments of wonder
- remember the mini-you, think of what brought you a sense of wonder in those days
- observe the minis (children) around you, see what brings them a sense of wonder

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Playful Intelligence" by Anthony T. DeBenedet is a captivating exploration of the transformative power of play. As a parent, I found DeBenedet's insights to be both eye-opening and inspiring. His blend of scientific research and real-life stories beautifully illustrates how playfulness can enhance creativity, resilience, and connection in both children and adults.

DeBenedet's book not only highlights the importance of play but also offers practical tips for incorporating more playfulness into daily life. I appreciated his emphasis on the role of play in promoting emotional well-being and fostering strong relationships.

Overall, "Playful Intelligence" is a must-read for anyone looking to infuse more joy and creativity into their lives. It's a book that will leave you feeling inspired and empowered to embrace playfulness as a pathway to personal growth and fulfillment. Highly recommended for parents, educators, and anyone seeking to live a more vibrant and playful life.

[Erick P · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt as if this book is significant. Yet I can't remember much to reiterate to capture it's essence. One take away is imagination is so key in the power of reframing when life's challenges arrive. Those who thrive employ reframing to cope and power thru.

Also, the power to not take your feelings so personally, to avoid the trappings of negative mental feedback loops.

As one diagnosed with terminal seriousness at an early age, (haha) I'm glad this book exists. I didn't have it when I was young but I'm glad to have read it now and keep pushing for laughs and making moments just for the stories. It was a serious book though, in tone.

[Rick Weber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another book full of wisdom. I underlined many passages, and then went back to review my underlining after finishing the book. I decided that I need to keep this book close at hand to effectively implement its five key playful qualities into my life.

[Leo Nguyen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish it had more scientific research and proof.

[Gregg R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of best books I've read this year. So many helpful reminders about how to live a life worth living.

[Dick Vogel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointed. Didn't stick to the point. Too much filler.

[JRock_Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amidst the countless books focusing on children's play, only a handful touch on the intriguing subject of adult play—a topic that personally captivates me and remains largely unexplored. While this book is well-written, it carries an intellectual tone that might distance some readers seeking a more accessible message: that play is not just an option but a vital component of good health and happiness.

Throughout the chapters, the author skillfully presents success stories and examples of ordinary individuals who thrived as CEOs or philanthropists, leaving the rest of us wondering how these insights apply to our own lives. Fortunately, these chapters conclude with a summary catered to 'the rest of us,' acknowledging that not everyone plans to change the world.

I appreciate the author's effort to explore play from various angles, delving into themes of wonder and spontaneity. However, at times, the book feels a bit too serious for its subject matter (just have a glance at the title!). It lacks a touch of warmth and the very playfulness it seeks to promote. Despite this, the book succeeds in shedding light on the importance of play and offers valuable insights for readers willing to delve into its thought-provoking content.

[Jessi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It looks like this book is being re-released as it originally came out on May 1, 2018. There are no notes on this being a new edition so, if you've read this before, I don't think anything has changed.
The author dives into the idea that people with rich imaginations, who are able to re-frame their stressors, are able to go far in life. He talks about Bill B whose job was in danger of being cut every day for ten years. We look at Sheila whose life is one catastrophe after another starting from her birth. These two are just the start of example after example of people who used some form of imagination to make it through hard times.
DeBenedet argues that empathy is a part of imagination and that exercising that muscle can help us to connect with others. That putting ourselves in their shoes can help make us better at our jobs and at life. He also argues that having imagination can help us avoid "anchoring," when our thoughts are so rooted in what we've seen in the past that we can't come up for solutions what is in front of us now.
For a book that relies on what seem to be true stories, the writing style reminded me of nothing so much as The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.

[Priscilla Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for anyone to read when they feel the overwhelming pressure of life. I think we have all felt like this at one point throughout our lives but this just happened to fall into my lap when I was in the middle of graduating, working full time and trying to balance having a young child and keeping up in the gym. It’s funny how books like this can find YOU instead of you finding them. I am grateful to have read this and hope others can find meaning in it too. It shows us how valuable it is to have children and become a child again. There were some great stories here as well. Prepare to laugh :)

[Louise Foerster · Rating 4 out of 5]

PLAYFUL INTELLIGENCE by Anthony T. DeBenedet captivated me with its intelligent and thoughtful approach to what it is to live with play at the heart of what we see, do, and how we relate to one another. While the language and prose dragged at times, feeling more academic than the uplifting, storytelling mode of other parts, overall, I deeply enjoyed what DeBenedet shared about ways to enjoy play in all aspects of our lives. I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

WOW, what a treat to pick up this book at a time of *extreme* uncertainty. I thought this book would inspire new ways of creative thinking, but many of the concepts ended up being relevant for coping during our current quarantine situation. The section on "psychological flexibility" particularly resonated with me and I've thought back to it during various situations when I feel my anxiety creeping in.

[anna b · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not taking yourself seriously can have positive effects in your life and health. Some good examples in this book to reflect over. There is also a bit about the sense of "wonder" and its advantages. Many times, we behave and work for what we would want to have in our CVs but what if, we can behave and work for what people would remember us in our eulogies?

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Playful Intelligence is a good listen for any recovering perfectionist seeking to move from rigid thinking to mental flexibility with more humor, spontaneity, and wonder in everyday life. The book effectively combined narrative illustrations and descriptions of scientific research results. I took several pages of notes for specific qualities to nurture and actions to take in my own life.

[Gloria · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend of a friend wrote this and of course, I’m all for playful intelligence. I enjoyed the stories of people exhibiting childlike playfulness while facing life’s challenges. I think a few more months with the book may have shaped it better. But over all it was enjoyable!

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this one. I definitely feel like playfulness is an element that has been slowly decreasing from my life as I get older and my responsibilities increase. Also sorely needed at this stage of the pandemic grind for most people.

[Christen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable premise but very wordy. Had to make myself finish. Really liking the idea of play more and more.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would give it 3.5 stars. I really liked the qualities he talked about and I feel like a lot of them are things that do come naturally to me. I think there is a lot of good in this book.

[Desiree Celeste · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a high anxiety & slightly cynical person, this was challenging to appreciate. I’ve since started incorporating some of the notes into my life and so feel more present and untethered.

[Robyn Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of great ideas and examples here. Helpful insights into mindset shifts for better resilience and joy. Only complaint is a whole chapter thrown in that feels like little more than an ad for CBD.

[ReadingMama · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short book has jewel-like life wisdom that we must remember especially as we are well into over more than half a year of pandemic and do not see the ending anytime soon. We live in a taxing world and the news around are in general negative, such as coronaviruses spreading more furiously, hurricanes here and there, and social/racial injustice continuously rampandant.. Yet, we can still have a lighter attitude toward life by following the below five playful qualities:
Imagination: we can imagine and reframe our lives. One of the best ways to increase our imagination is via books!
Sociability: During the isolation, we must search for social occasions even more. Use Zoon, MSTeam, Messenger, or good old phone calls, better yet, send letters and postcards (One of my favorite tools for connecting and ministering to people). Do not focus too much on the first impression, instead humble yourself as you deal with others.
Humor: Yes, by nature, I am not that funny; yet I have learned to laugh at myself not taking myself too seriously. Learn to LAUGH out LOUD often!
Spontaneity: This is something I have become good at, especially the last minute vacation or excursion. They brought so much joy in my life. Every morning, I choose a different trail to hike or a path to walk, especially the path that I have not taken before. Each new path leads to adventure and excitement.
Wonder (awe): I NEVER want to lose the awe in my creator and his creations. That’s the reason why I keep on searching for sunrise, sunsets, flowers, clouds, and even insects! What a natural woman (?) I am becoming!!

[Sonal Keyal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know why this book has such few reviews, perhaps it wasn't marketed enough. It is worth its weight in gold. This book has changed me, changed how I tackle everyday challenges. I feel like I am now a better person to be around, more playful, humourous, more optimistic - and not because these qualities come to me naturally.

It is not a stereotypical self-help book. It borders on being a book about human psychology and how it can be moulded in order to experience a better, a happier life. The author has filled the book with interesting little stories that stay with the reader for a long time.

The attributes of 'imagination' and 'humour' had the most impact on me. I am now able to transform uncomfortable situations into lighter moments.

Highly recommend this book to anyone who
- Wants to live a happier life
- Is looking to improve their relationships
- Wants to have a positive impact on people around them
- Is looking to get out of constant sadness or mundane-ness