Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words

by Kimberly Harrington

An emotionally honest, arresting, and funny collection of essays about motherhood and adulthood...

“Being a mother is a gift.”

Where’s my receipt?

Welcome to essayist Kimberly Harrington’s poetic and funny world of motherhood, womanhood, and humanhood, not necessarily in that order. It’s a place of loud parenting, fierce loving, too much social media, and occasional inner monologues where timeless debates are resolved such as Pro/Con: Caving to PTO Bake Sale Pressure (“PRO: Skim the crappiest brownies for myself. CON: They’re really crappy.”) With accessibility and wit, she captures the emotions around parenthood in artful and earnest ways, highlighting this time in the middle—midlife, the middle years of childhood, how women are stuck in the middle of so much. It’s a place of elation, exhaustion, and time whipping past at warp speed. Finally, it’s a quiet space to consider the girl you were, the mother you are, and the woman you are always becoming.



 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Humor, Short Stories, Biography Memoir

320 pages, Paperback

Published April 5, 2018

About the author

Kimberly Harrington is the author of BUT YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY and AMATEUR HOUR. Her work is also included in the collections MERCILESS AND UNPREDICTABLE: A McSWEENEY'S GUIDE TO PARENTING and KEEP SCROLLING TILL YOU FEEL SOMETHING: TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF HUMOR FROM McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY. She’s a columnist and regular contributor to McSweeney’s and her writing has also appeared in The New Yorker, the New York Times, and The Cut.

Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wrote this book.
I am def gonna give it 5 stars.
What am I, an idiot?
Not looking for an actual answer.

[Kate Rope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I mean, I love, love, love it. I am a 45-year-old mother to two who writes books for a living while also writing other things that actually pay money and being a full-time mom. WHICH IS TO SAY I DO NOT READ BOOKS ANYMORE. At least not all the way through. Usually not more than a quarter of the way through. I'm lucky if I read one essay in a New Yorker. I can barely make it through NY mag's Approval Matrix anymore. I want to start a catalog club, because those I finish. My god, this Spring's Sundance Catalog in Guadalajara was a masterpiece. Discuss. BUT I DIGRESS. I read this book all the way through in a week. Hold your applause. Seriously, this book is deliciously, enjoyable, and lyrically human. It's raw and real and nostalgic and unapologetic and evocative in all the best, most believable ways. I write about motherhood and 90% of what I read I don't relate to. It's sappy pap. Or it's longwindedly sarcastic and desperately needs an editor. It's rare to find someone who can write about something as common as motherhood and make it as beautiful as poetry. And I related to almost every moment of this book. Not because my life resemble's the authors, but because she has a beautiful way of filtering the universal through her particular lens of funny, quirky, brave, low-key, middle-class, white Vermont mom life. This book is not trying to stand in for all the experiences of motherhood, it clearly represents an enviable (in the most human, natural, relaxed, i-wish-i could-go-camping-with-her kind of way) particular set of experiences. But the author brings forth from them the most universal understanding of how we are all fumbling through this thing called motherhood. Damn, without one moment of pollayannish crap she makes all the suck ass moments of motherhood so beautiful, noble even. I don't know how to say it, she just makes the hard work of mothering seem possible, and heroic and special. It's this really amazing, totally common (but completely rare) privilege of a burden. And reading this book just makes me feel lucky to experience it.

[David · Rating 3 out of 5]

wildly uneven personal essay collection. Some funny/observant [e.g., extended take on getting interrupted while working at home as a freelancer with small kids], some devastating [her miscarriage], some touching [a really kind appreciation of her husband, who otherwise I imagine might have some trouble reading parts of this book about their fragile relationship, and some other Dads in their circle who take the kids camping each summer]......

......mixed in with a good deal of bitterness and almost high school humor magazine level stuff. I particularly thought the mock quiz expressing her disdain for being asked to contribute to "meal trains" [not familiar with that term, but i guess the arrangements where people sign up to bring meals to someone who had surgery or what have you] was over the top -- just say no if that's much of an imposition.

Finally, the acknowledgements suggest that she had lots of editorial help professional and otherwise, so I find it hard to believe that nobody forcefully advised deleting some of the extremely dated chain-email level stuff. It's 2018 -- you can't possibly think that (a) participation trophies are BS and insulate kids from how the cruel competitive world really works or (b) one of those "job descriptions" for a new parent [your boss is an irrational tyrant, the work is 24/7 with no pay or vacations........] represents a fresh perspective readers will not have encountered before.

[Sarahbeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not a usual book I gravitate toward, and I’m not sure why I felt compelled to pick up this one, but it was just not my cup of tea. Harrington comes off as crass, self-absorbed, narcissistic, and the roll your eyes kind of feminist that complains a lot but does very little. Hard pass.

[Amy Lafayette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a hilarious dose of birth control.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amateur Hour is a collection of essays on motherhood and adulting that is raw and laugh out loud funny. This collection covers everything from lighthearted topics such as meal trains and bake sales, to tough subjects such as miscarriage and marriage troubles. Kimberly Harrington attacks these subjects with humor and wit, leaving the reader feeling like you just sat down with your best girlfriends. Like most essay collections, there are some that are better than others. By the end of the book I was over the crass and sarcasm. For me, Amateur Hour was ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars.

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

”We can never know what’s coming. We can’t know what’s heading our way a year from now; we can’t know it just for tomorrow. I look around and think constantly, We are all fragile; we are all strong.

Some odd things have happened while I have been reading this book. First of all, the title of the ebook on Goodreads has changed to one of the essays within this volume. Granted this essay is probably one of Harrington’s most famous, “Please don’t get murdered at school today,” but that change is weird. (It has since been changed back.)

Also, I realized that once again, I am reading a book that got its start on the Internet. That should not feel weird, but it does. I just don’t expect the Internet to have much to do with books. For decades, I read books that got their start with pen and paper, but not so much now. Obviously it is me that is odd, not this book.

The last thing that seemed strange to me is that Harrington’s book is so completely about motherhood, that her husband barely appears within the essays. Yes, he is there. However, I just thought he would be more a part of the whole book. Once again, this is probably my peculiarity, not Harrington’s.

These essays are well-written. Some of them are funny, some poignant, some maddening. I am not sorry that I read what Harrington has to say. But I also was not able to relate to much of this. The storylines were for younger women, who are living through motherhood right now. I am still a mother, but my children are 30 and 35. They are not as dependent on me as Harrington’s children are on her.

If you are a woman whose children are still at home and you want to hear from another mom, pick up these essays. I suspect they will have more impact on your life than they did on mine.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not a mother myself, but you don't have to be to enjoy this book. Kimberly's commentary on womanhood, motherhood, and adulthood (an especially the marriage of all three) will ring true to any woman who picks up this book. It's relatable, funny, and at times will push your emotional buttons, bringing up feelings of nostalgia for your own childhood (if you don't have kids) or your kids' childhood (if you do). Kimberly says the things we've all thought or felt but haven't said, either because we felt like we shouldn't or we couldn't find the words. Reading this book is like having a long, open-ended conversation with one of your best girlfriends - kind you can get totally real with and talk about "taboo" topics like money, not being happy when society tells you that you should be overjoyed, and above all, mistakes.

I received a free copy of this book from a Goodreads giveaway. But you should buy it or get it from your local library because it is great!

[Meghan Lyons · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started out reading this one essay at a time...generally before bed. Some of these were laugh out loud funny, and then at some point they turned serious. Almost too close to home. I ended up reading the last 100 pages or so in the course of a day during quarantine. Probably not the best thing to read when you’re depressed at home. Regardless, the writing was good and it was a very accurate picture of various phases of motherhood.

[Rebecca McPhedran · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is pretty spectacular in its brutal honesty and hilarity.

Harrington is the master at making her readers ponder in one essay, while laughing in the next. She is a woman (like many of us), stuck in the middle. The middle of tasing children, the middle of her marriage, and the dreaded middle age. She approaches love and loss with amazing clarity and strength.

Let me just end with a few great quotes from a few of her essays.

“If you have grandparents, visit them. Go because no one will ever love you in the bold and gentle, big and uncomplicated way they do. Go because you can.”


“We can never know what’s coming. We can’t know what’s heading our way a year from now; we can’t know it just for tomorrow. I look around and think constantly, We are all fragile; we are all strong”.

[Mindy Conde · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised at how many moments I was crying while listening to this book. Some moments were funny but there were others that were poignant and touching. I would definitely recommend this to all the mamas - so many moments that I could relate to and I loved how she captured everything just so beautifully and at times with strings of expletives. Because really, what mom doesn’t want to drop a good f-bomb every now and then?

[Susanne Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious, fantastic bunch of poems. I am not a poetry reader at all but this appealed to me. I have not laughed so much at a book for ages, it’s a completely honest and funny book. It details life from baby to teenagers, from family trips to marriage and death. Brilliant reading :)

[Kayle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Would highly recommend it to future mothers, people who know or knew mothers, or anyone interested in an in-depth perspective about the potential realities of motherhood from an outspoken, flawed woman.

[Katy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. What a book. It’s a love letter to her children. It’s an ode to her family members. It’s funny and thoughtful. I’ve ear marked my copy for my favorite essays and quotes to reflect on again. I really enjoyed this book.

[Shweta Ganesh Kumar · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was everything I wanted it to be. Real, gritty, funny, emotional and thought-provoking.
A couple of essays seemed like they might have done better elsewhere, but otherwise I’d highly recommend this to moms and dads alike.

[Benita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listen when I say there are portions of this book that I absolutely loved - I mean it. On the flip side, there are also segments/sections of this book that are forgettable. I'm still giving this book high marks because the good parts are THAT good! My favorite section of the book was the section titled "Vows" - What an emotional roller coaster! Having said that, you should be in the right mind set to read this book in order to enjoy it. The author is crass, honest and erratic in the the most wonderful way. The book lets you know you are not alone in this motherhood thing and let's talk about how its amazing and awful at the same time! Read it!

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good. Hard truths delivered with dark humor... very influenced by the 80s

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding!! This book made me laugh, cry, and laugh until I cried and almost hyperventilated. When I picked it up, I expected it to be funny; I didn’t expect it to be so touching. Hands down the best perspective on motherhood that I’ve read.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This cracks open motherhood and spills its guts onto 300 or so extremely readable pages. Endlessly quotable.

[Charissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amateur Hour was an unexpected treat--gripping from the first chapter, heartfelt, gritty, full of surprises. It is a book about motherhood, but also marriage, generations of family, and the ups and downs of life itself. I could have done without a few of the chapters, but I plan to pass my copy along because I know it will bring others the same laughter and tears it brought to me.

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have mommy friends on the interwebs, chances are you’ve clicked on one of Kimberly Harrington’s viral parenting essays: “Job Description for the Dumbest Job Ever” (e.g., “This position manages to be of the utmost importance and yet somehow also the least visible and/or respected in the entire organization”), “I Am the One Woman Who Has It All” (e.g., “I have kids who have forced me to do everything in my life with greater efficiency and the professional assumption that I’m now less efficient after having kids”), “Just What I Wanted, a Whole Twenty-Four Hours of Recognition Once a Year,” “Are You Sure There Isn’t Something Else I Can Do Before the End of the School Year?” and “Please Don’t Get Murdered at School Today.”

“Amateur Hour” contains these satirical social commentaries and more. “Anne-Marie Slaughter Is My Safe Word,” which appears to be original to the book, is one of the most brilliant compositions I’ve ever read. (“Now, I know that [that safe word is] a mouthful, ball-gag puns aside, but I feel like it reflects my beliefs ... when it comes to the intersection of work, parenting, and caregiving in general.”) Unlike most compilations that feature one style, Harrington mixes quirky conceptual pieces (the written equivalent of MOMA exhibits) with straight-laced ruminations on grief, aging, and marriage. Many passages spoke to my heart and/or sense of humor deeply; other bits seemed just okay. When the vast bulk of a writer’s material lands though, I tend to give the rest the treatment bestowed off-jokes by a favorite stand-up comedian: I assume someone, somewhere is doubled over.

It doesn’t hurt that Harrington is my kind of girl, an introspective nerd who takes her neuroses less seriously than her punchlines:

“Maybe normal people use lists as they’re meant to be used, as a daily reminder of things that should be taken care of somewhat soon. I don’t like to do things that make sense, so I use lists as a way of outlining how theoretically busy I am while also setting myself up for an infinity loop of self-loathing over my failure to get an impossible amount of things done.”

“‘But you don’t ever like anything I post on Facebook! You don’t even look at my page!’ Those are not the words of a teenager, spitting ridiculous complaints across the room at her best friend or boyfriend. Those are the words of a forty-five-year-old woman, a mother of two, in the middle of a fight with her husband. A fight where the topic was divorce.”

“And before I even know what’s happening, I’m suddenly sharing worries and revealing doubts in a school hallway or on the playground. Even though I know—I know—I should stop talking, I keep trying to bury my openness with more openness. It’s like my own mouth is swallowing me whole.”

Nor the way she sprinkles her stories with legitimately helpful parenting advice:

“I will not be calling administrators or program directors or HR on your behalf. I will not be smoothing the way for you, although it will be so hard to resist doing just that. I will have to be the elder grown-up here, to not hobble you with my help.”

“When I die, hug each other with force, until no one wants to be the first to let go. I let go first a lot. I can tell you now, I regret it.”

Even the Russian judges would be forced to give Harrington's writing high marks both technically and artistically:

“There are the girls in their early teens, with the gangly limbs of children and the growing bodies of women. They romp in the waves not fully realizing the complicated power their bodies possess. They absentmindedly grab their budding breasts to adjust their tops, and I put my head in my hands. They don’t even know. Or maybe they do.”

“I see the skin on my forearm, crinkling like birthday streamers in response to the slightest pressure. That’s the skin of my mother and my grandmother before her. That’s the skin I clearly never planned on having.”

At the end of the day, Harrington’s work stands out because the humor she wields as both sword and shield produces more than a sardonic chuckle here and there; it protects and clears the way for the most poignant and penetrating of insights:

“This is the year he’s noticing differences and other kids are noticing what’s different about him. And although I know he’s not the only one going through this, he does not.”

“[Mothers] hold ourselves to intense and impossible standards. We, of course, don’t do this alone. Our culture has set the bar so high that it’s hidden in a place where we’ll never find it. And, conversely, the bar for fathers has been set so low they can easily step over it on the way to the bathroom.”

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hadn't heard of this book before spotting it in the "new arrivals" section of our local library. My 3-year-old daughter helped me choose it from a few books that piqued my interest. I'm so glad she chose this one.

Within the first 60 pages, I had already both cried and laughed out loud. My favorite essay was "Let's Have the Wedding Later," which I immediately shared with my husband of a decade and texted to two close friends - one married longer than us and another engaged to be married next summer. The sequence of "I love you. Thank you. I'm sorry." will stick with me for years.

This book came to me at the perfect time. Had I read it early in my marriage, I would have scoffed and stopped reading, the perspective of family life too harsh and messy, unlike the ideals, the "what's supposed to be," of my younger years. But perspectives change, real life and loss and disappointments happen, and as someone who struggles with anxiety, life not being what she thought, the pressure of the "shoulds" of life, and the always present reality that these years as a family with kiddos at home are very, very, way too short. This life is hard, but it's also beautiful, and we could all serve ourselves and those we love well by being more of who we are and trusting them to love us anyway. And we'll do the same for them.

Thank you, Kimberly, for being real and vulnerable. I love your book. Thank you for writing it, for helping me to feel validated and affirmed and not so alone in my views of life, love, and family.

[☆ Katie ☆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amateur Hour is a collection of essays written mostly about parenthood and the struggles of moms who try to have it all. The tones of the writings vary greatly, and you never know what you’re going to get with each piece of work. At times, she laments about participation trophies, school bake sales, and Mother’s Day, using profanity and bordering on irreverent. However, she also writes candidly and profoundly about her marriage, body image, having a miscarriage, and talking to her kids about school shootings.

My favorite piece was the one titled, “Let’s Have the Wedding Later.” She points out how it doesn’t make sense to have a party when two people first decide to get married. At that point, you haven’t really accomplished anything yet. She then goes on to write her version of the vows later on in the marriage, highlighting the things they have gone through, the kids they’ve raised, and being brutally honest about the tough parts of marriage that no one likes to admit.

Although her writing was a bit over the top at times, I really enjoyed the contrast between the different essays, and I was able to gain a lot of insight about marriage and motherhood from reading Amateur Hour.

[Maura Muller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book and want to know why I couldn't have a neighbor like Kimberly Harrington? Especially when my son was little.

I read this book during a week when I got the following 2 messages from my 19 year old son who is a camp counselor this summer at an "adventure camp".

The first one laced with many swear words basically said, " Oh my God, now I know what you and Dad went through raising me. I'm SO sorry. I love you guys." Kiddo, you have NO idea! Kimberly Harrington has an idea. But you don't.

The second message came a few days later and said, " Maaaaaaa! Medical emergency! I need you to come up here and pick me up right now." Even though I was sitting at my desk in NYC and he was many hours away in the Catskills.

I finished "Amateur Hour" on the very long bus ride home to Upstate, NY and it helped me laugh out loud instead of worry. And that's a lot like what being a mother is...balancing the laughter with the worry. And if you're lucky enough, having a friend like the author to help keep you sane.

Any Mom with a sense of humor will appreciate this book. It should be a required gift for all baby showers.

[Emma Sedlak · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the first third of this book, but somewhere towards the middle, Harrington’s humour started to grate on me. To be fair, I’m in the midst of reading many collections of non-fiction narrative on parenting, and I’m less than four-months into the infant hazing zone, myself. When I was frustrated with the tone of Harrington’s narration, it’s because I felt like she portrayed parenthood with an irreverent perspective, which is exactly the opposite of the frame I’ve adopted in order to get me through. But she has decades of experience on me. And as the book progressed, I realised that irreverence and humour are necessary tools for surviving it all. It also helped that she referred to her own book in the acknowledgements as: “this weird-ass mental breakdown of a book.” By the end, a few of her essays gave me chills. I picked out quotes I’d like to send to some of my friends approaching new motherhood. I’d like to copy some down for my son someday. In the end, Harrington’s humour won me over. I should have known to expect it in a McSweeney’s-backed publication anyway!

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

omph. Harrington is about a decade ahead of me in the kids department, but boy did she capture the phase I'm in (and was in...and will be in). With much candor, grace, and wit, she identified many of the feelings I've had/are having/probably will have about being a parent, a married person, a mom, a working mom, a mom who got laid off, and so many other mom-roles I've had... And she actually put them into words worth following (so I don't have to, yay!). These aren't the most elevated essays in the world, but they are well-written, honest, and have the spirit of authenticity, which basically makes the better ones in the collection perfect. The list-style, lighter ones I could have done without, but I suppose they are like the much needed commercial breaks in between intense episodes of This Is Us-- you're giving your heart a break!

If you're a mom in the thick of it or appreciate moms in general (and not really sure why you're supposed to?) and want to know what makes them tick, take a gander.

[Elmwoodblues · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kimberly Harrington worked in design, a world where appearance and packaging helps sell products, few of which you actually need, most of which are designed to play on desires and guilt and self-image which have been themselves carefully promoted and sold to you. To step away from the 'accepted' norms of neat lawns, new minivans, the PTA and the bake sales and the coffee mugs that have never ever held wine in them is subversive to some, liberating to others.

Lest you not notice the pink hand grenade on the cover, this isn't Dr. Spock; but it's not all wry humor either. You could skip the chapters that don't suit your need for lols, but they hold up well nonetheless. Harrington evokes back-road New England young adult melancholy with a richness that belies her acid-etched humor, and I wouldn't mind seeing her turn out fiction that allowed me time in that world, too. The bake sale can wait.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Motherhood thoughts in black and white. I liked that the author creatively finds humor everytime she talks about the challenges of a mother. I can totally relate to circumstances which supposedly lead you to cry but you need to choose not to, because of your baby. Instead, you just decide to shrug and laugh it off.
•
I didn't have much attachment with the book until about 75%. Until I eventually loved the part towards the end when the author spoke about her children being all her joy and the brokenness she feels being away from her grown-up children. Her words shot like arrow through me. My heart broke thinking ahead when my own kids grow up, too.
•
Warning: The author wasn't kidding when she placed "and swear words" in the title. But You can skip through those words and focus on the heart of the book. I would love to get a version of this book without the swear words though. 😁

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. The author manages to capture the essence of parenting/being a mom with humor but also true feeling. She speaks to working moms, stay at home moms and those who do both! While I did not identify or agree with all that she said, I think that any mom will find parts of the book that speak to her. With my own children just out of the nest it brought back memories of the good and bad days of being a mom. It also pulled at my heartstrings as we watch her children growing up and becoming more independent. And she tells it like it is... motherhood is not always pretty and can but hard but then there are those moments with your child that are amazing. She tells her story " warts and all". She is not perfect...but then none of us are. I would recommend to any mom( just starting the journey or one who is watching her children start with kids of their own).

[Alane Kataria-Rennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not at all surprised that several of Harrington's essays went viral online. She's very funny and has a great way of summarizing aspects of motherhood that we've all felt, but sometimes couldn't or felt we shouldn't put into words.

Other essays went over my head. The style was loose and I wasn't quite sure whether it was all sarcasm, tongue in cheek or actually dead serious.

I started to like the book less when Harrington wrote about her marriage and her dissatisfaction with it because of social media. I guess that comparing oneself to the rest of the world can erode one's confidence, but her husband seems like a really solid dude and she seems so foolish from almost walking away from that.