I wrote and posted this review a while ago, but Goodreads ate it. Fortunately, I'd already copied it to NetGalley, so I can easily retrieve it again.
Sadly, this was very much not for me.
The NetGalley blurb led me to believe this would be a fairly relatable story about an intelligent perfectionist who, after years of doing well at school, is cracking under the pressure of college applications and as a result makes some point life choices. I thought from there it might either go into a downward spiral about drug addiction and despair, or result in a happy inspirational story about her realising she didn't need a perfect GPA to be happy. Possibly both at once.
It ended up being neither relatable nor really about any of those things -- instead, it's a convoluted story of blackmail and conspiracy. It's a shame that it felt messy rather than complex: even the parts I saw coming felt somewhat contrived and the final reveal was done melodramatically. Moreover, the writing style didn't click with me, to the point where I couldn't connect to any of the characters. It's not like I don't have anything in common with Kara -- I'm an anxious person who has struggled with academic pressure, too. But she didn't feel real to me, so I didn't really connect on that gut level.
Reasons I found this book difficult to relate to/didn't like it:
- It's very American. While I've read a lot of American YA to the point where I understand their school system reasonably well, and while I've got enough imagination to empathise with characters whose lives aren't like mine, the fact that the tests the characters are stressing about are SATs and so on mean there's a certain disconnect, because those are meaningless to me. In fact, a lot of the college-based pressures were just very different to those you'd face in England. As the generically British character points out, there's a logical solution to a lot of this stress -- take a gap year!
- It's a bit too straight. This book does feature a gay character (well, two, because he has a boyfriend), and another character makes sure to clarify whether their friend is into girls or guys, so it gets points for not being entirely heteronormative. However, since the viewpoint character is a straight teenage girl of the "inexperienced YA protagonist" variety, we do have to witness her awkward swooning over a guy, which is just... dull.
- I don't have acne. Let me explain. Kara suffers from very severe acne that has destroyed her self-confidence and her previous love of swimming (chlorine makes it worse), taking with it her former friendships. This was an aspect of the book that, had I actually FELT anything for the characters, I might have liked. But my own inexperience with acne means I didn't know whether to feel sorry for Kara, or whether to give in to my real feeling, which was to tell her to get over it because if her friends were so shallow they'd run screaming from her face, she needed better friends. Basically, it FELT the whole time like she was overreacting, but I'm also aware that I've been blessed with relatively clear skin (just a few spots now and again), and maybe I'm being too harsh. I don't know. She literally believes her friends won't want to be seen in public with her because of a zit. Either they're terrible friends, or she's making a big deal out of nothing. Because I can't speak with any authority, I tried to squash my irritation, but it wouldn't die.
- The whole blackmail scenario reached a point where it felt over-the-top and contrived. Kara felt the need to work through everything logically, which should have helped me understand it better, but instead just made the whole thing seem more muddled. Actually, you know what it really reminded me of? My writing, when my characters are trying to think things through but I haven't finished plotting the next bit so it's all rather vague and contradictory and rambling. But the lack of emotion stopped this from feeling deliberate, like a representation of the character's feelings. In other words, Kara's voice felt less "confused scared teen" and more "first draft".
- While I understood Kara's family's reluctance to medicate her for anxiety because of a previous negative experience her dad had had, it bothered me that the only drugs in the book were those sold illegally, because I felt it contributed to the whole stigma against medicating mental illness. Plus, we never did see Kara getting help (therapy or something) which she probably did need.
This seems so harsh and I hate writing negative reviews, so let's focus on some positives.
Things I liked about this book:
+ Even though there's some romance, it's absolutely not the focus of the book, and the story focuses more on Kara gaining new friends and regaining some old ones.
+ None of these things involve her acne being magically cured, and she does take steps towards learning to accept herself by the end of the book.
+ Generically British guy is actually from an Indian family even if he grew up in England, so that makes him less of the straight white cliche that you would expect. (In my head, I kept reading him in a fake British accent like you might see in a US TV show and I don't know why. I'm literally British?? Maybe something about his phrasing reminded me of that -- he didn't jump out as English from his word choices but he didn't sound completely wrong either, which is something.)
+ Like I said, there were gay characters.
+ Also, the girl character who "mostly had guy friends" and found girls harder to befriend still had a feminine side, wasn't bitchy, and made an effort to befriend Kara because she wanted to, so she didn't fall into a lot of harmful tropes that she might have succumbed to.
This book wasn't what I expected, and maybe I shouldn't have been as disappointed as I was. I guess I was hoping for something that reflected my life, but mine has been bereft of conspiracies and blackmail so far. That said, it did feel pretty unpolished, with characters and writing that needed more editing to give it the depth and emotion that might have made all the difference. I think if I'd had feelings, I would have enjoyed the plot more -- as it was, I didn't particularly care about any of the characters.