Kickflip Boys: A Memoir of Freedom, Rebellion, and the Chaos of Fatherhood

by Neal Thompson

“The voice is brave, funny, and fiercely honest.” —Peter Heller, author of The Dog Stars and Kook

“a riveting, touching, and painful read!” —Maria Semple
“fun, moving, raw, and relatable.” —Tony Hawk
“a profoundly honest book and a true achievement.” —Dani Shapiro
“a lovely, irresistible aria” —David Shields
“provocative and inspiring” —Garth Stein
“heartfelt and blunt” —Publishers Weekly

What makes a good father, and what makes one a failure? Does less-is-more parenting inspire independence and strength, or does it encourage
defiance and  trouble? Kickflip Boys is the story of a father’s struggle to understand his willful skateboarder sons, challengers of authority and convention, to accept his role as a vulnerable “skate dad,” and to confront his fears that the boys are destined for an unconventional and potentially fraught future.

With searing honesty, Neal Thompson traces his sons’ progression through all the stages of skateboarding: splurging on skate shoes and boards, having run-ins with security guards, skipping classes and defying teachers, painting graffiti, drinking and smoking, and more. As the story veers from funny to treacherous and back, from skateparks to the streets, Thompson must confront his complicity and fallibility. He also reflects on his upbringing in rural New Jersey, and his own adventures with skateboards, drugs, danger, and defiance. 

A story of thrill-seeking teens, of hope and love, freedom and failure, Kickflip Boys reveals a sport and a community that have become a refuge for adolescent boys who don’t fit in. Ultimately, it’s the survival story of a loving modern American family, of acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go.

Genres: Memoir, Parenting, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

First published May 14, 2019

About the author

I'm the author of Kickflip Boys: A Memoir of Freedom, Rebellion, and the Chaos of Fatherhood (May 2018). Tony Hawk called it "fun, moving, raw and relatable.” Michael Chabon said it "captures the ache, fizz, yearning and frustration of being the father of adolescent boys." Maria Semple calls it "a riveting, touching, and painful read! My stomach was in knots page after page."

I've written four other books - stories about flawed and adventurous men - and have blabbed about those on ESPN, the History Channel, PBS, C-Span, Fox, TNT, and NPR. Plus five minutes on The Daily Show.

My previous book, A CURIOUS MAN - a bio of eccentric world-traveling millionaire/playboy cartoonist Robert 'Believe It or Not' Ripley - was an Oprah.com Book of the Week, an Amazon Best of the Month, and a PEN Center USA award finalist. Ben Fountain said (on NPR): "Anyone who wants to understand America needs to read this book … Neal Thompson gives us a vivid portrait of this complex, restless man in all his maniacally conflicted glory."

Other books: Driving with the Devil: Southern Moonshine, Detroit Wheels and the Birth of NASCAR; Light This Candle: The Life & Times of Alan Shepard, America’s First Spaceman; and Hurricane Season: A Coach, His Team, and their Triumph in the Time of Katrina.

As a journalist, I've written for Outside, Esquire, Men’s Health, Backpacker, Sports Illustrated, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and more. I spent more than a decade as a newspaper reporter, including the Baltimore Sun, St. Petersburg Times, Bergen Record, Roanoke Times, and Philadelphia Inquirer. I've taught creative non-fiction at Seattle's Hugo House and at the University of North Carolina’s Great Smokies Writing Program, and served on the board of Seattle Arts & Lectures.

I'm a runner, reader, skier, stand-up paddleboarder, yogi, and a fan of brown liquor. I'm a naturalized Irish citizen, a mediocre guitar player. I'm from New Jersey.

Reviews

[Patti · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the raw honesty of this book; Neal writes refreshingly about the fact that parenting just isn't easy, especially when the parenting path chosen is one of letting go and believing that free-range kids will turn out just fine. Through all the teenage escapades on display in this memoir it is clear that the family is bound by a deep bond of love for one another. Neal weaves his own childhood memories into the experimentation that his sons embrace in the skateboarding culture which results in the reader sensing that, at least in hindsight, there is a great deal of empathy surrounding the path his sons both chose to experience. The strength of the family that is on display in this memoir is incredibly moving.

[Joseph D'Agnese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed Kickflip Boys. The story of two parents dealing with their sons' skateboarding obsession, and then watching on the sidelines as the kids' embrace the subculture and wage war with all authority. Will their lives be ruined forever or will they turn it around? It’s very touching and beautiful, made me cry in spots. A remarkable achievement for many reasons. The thing I wasn’t expecting? It was very suspenseful, with me wondering how it will all turn out, and then rushing back to my e-reader to read more. It could not have been easy weaving in all the different strands, past and present, and make it all seem fresh, new, different, every single time.

[Isaac Barron-Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kickflip Boys: A Memoir of Freedom, Rebellion, and the Chaos of Fatherhood by Neal Thompson is an honest memoir about parenting within the skateboarding culture and the challenges of raising two very independent children. Thompson shares his experience as a father wanting to give his two sons the freedom of exploring their identity and interests, yet it proves to show that this freedom comes with its difficulties. This memoir made me appreciate the way I was raised. Coming from a Mexican family where rebellion is often viewed negatively and discipline is strict, I found Thompson's approach of rebellion interesting. Instead of denouncing the rebellion, he used it as a learning opportunity for his sons as well as for himself. Reading all of his raw and heartfelt experiences made the book really intriguing. He was transparent in writing about his personal life and it was interesting comparing my life with his sons' lives. This book had some emotional scenes that made me reflect on my loved ones. This book really emphasizes on growth and acceptance and how families are not always going to be perfect, but as long as there is love and the will to adapt, things will somewhat work out. I would recommend this to a more mature audience, as it contains some curse words and distressing scenes.

[Deacon Tom (Feeling Better) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the memoir of a skateboard father. I was one for a short while. The story was accurate.

[Marti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Liked it, although I have my doubts about some of his conclusions (spoiler, he never really concludes much, this guy.) I think the most difficult thing was how early the boys were given such freedom-- cellphones, bus passes, almost unlimited unsupervised free time. You reap the whirlwind sometimes. The odds of it are just higher if they're already running wild at 10.

[James Spooner · Rating 4 out of 5]

The guy is a talented writer and had me scared for my freedom loving teens to come. It gave me lots to think about. I’d like a where are they now in 5 or 6 years so I can see if I can really put stock in the ending . But I’m ok with something hopeful for now.

[Sutter Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should probably save a rating of 4 for other books, and always feel I should go back and change ratings, but too much work.
This was on new shelf at library, and since I like well written memoirs, I grabbed it, expecially because Michael Chabon said something positive on the cover.
I have no sons, no grandsons. I don't know any skaters, altho I observe them around town. I think it's a mervelous form of transportation.
I skateboarded once, when I was in my late 30s, and wanted to skate on an old curvy road in the mountains to look down at the river below. It was very foolish, dangerous. And thrilling. I had no idea how to control the board, how to slow down or stop. When the road got too steep going downhill I crashed on the far side of the road and scraped my skin badly. I of course had nohelmet, and not very protective clothing.
I have nothing in common with the parents and do not know people like them. I liked their lifestyle the best when they moved to the country. I am fascinated by big cities, and have visited Seattle a few times, and Portland.
Seems like the parents did everything possible to satisfy their boys' obsession with skating.
Over and over and over again, against their better judgment. Ditto with attempting to be strict, establishing rules that were constantly broken.
It's like the boys were possessed. The dad was also obsessed with his constant snooping. Seek and ye shall find.
Had the parents called a halt on the skateboarding early on, what choices remained? I have no idea. I'm glad the boys loved each other, and their folks, and could express it easily.

.

[Rodrigo Lopez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kickflip Boys by Neal Thompson is a book about a father who deals with two boys that are growing up and get into the world of Skateboarding. Thompson gives a very humane and conversational retelling of the experience he had raising his boys who developed a love for the hobby of skateboarding. He talks about what he did and how fatherhood of his sons, Leo and Sean, affected him. Overall, this was a great book because he wrote about the experiences he had while raising Leo and Sean, and how their love of skateboarding affected the way he had to approach raising them. I was hooked and related to this book almost instantly, because I used to skate a lot a few years back. The experiences Thompson shared with the readers really resonated with me, because I remember I used to be just like that. He describes the boys exhibiting a sense of rebellion, and a sense of being different after they had become skaters. I remember feeling that same feeling and I felt like I was different and I was in a new world when I began to skate. One story I resonated a lot with was the one where his boys asked him for a real skate shop skateboard instead of a target one, and this is something that happened to me too. I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys skating or is interested by the prospect of skating, because this book will make you relate to it so much if you skate and is a very moving narrative overall.

[Lara Lillibridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the book on Audible.

Thompson details the struggle of raising two sons to be independent and think for themselves without destroying their futures. As a parent, this is one of my larger struggles—how much freedom to give kids, how much to trust them, how hard to come down on them when they mess up. My own sons are just entering the teen years, and I read this book for an idea of what might be down the road.

Like whenever we look at most parents, some of the narrator's decisions were things I could see myself doing, and other times I was completely on the other side. The story is told in an engaging manner and held my attention throughout the whole thing—no baggy middle here.

I liked how the narrator reflected on his own childhood—both the mistakes and the times things looked out of control but turned out ok. His unflinching honesty was refreshing and really established the narrator as likeable and reliable.

The ending to me felt rushed. I actually relistened to it, because when the book ended I was like—wait, what? Did I miss a chapter? I was totally invested in the story, and wish Thompson had taken a little bit longer to flesh out the conclusion.

[Mitzi Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-written and honest portrayal of fatherhood, this book still left me unsettled. Spoiler alert, the rowdy teen skaters end up ok. I couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened to young girls, or teenagers of color if they had lived these experiences. Would a black teen caught trespassing on government property, with spray paint on his hands, drunk, acting belligerent to EIGHT police officers in the middle of the night be simply sent home with Daddy? Why do we protect white males and allow them to make stupid juvenile mistakes? Why do we prosecute kids of color for way less?

By the way, if you want to see the boys on YouTube, find the author’s channel “Sk8 the St8s”. The videos have been up for 8 years with only a few dozen views. I was the first Like on one.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really interesting read to me and I picked it up because when I drive downtown I pass a skateboard park under a bridge I always think I'd like to stop and watch those kids and then one day at the library this book was staring me in the face and on a lark I checked it out. By the end of the book we're led to believe the boys are "just fine" after their rebellious teens and I hope they are. I would have liked more depth into Thompson's sons personalities but they may not have appreciated it.

[Amanda Linehan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could not know less about skateboarding or raising boys or for that matter navigating parenting a teenagers (nevermind two) -- but still this book was one I really got invested in. It made me a LITTLE scared of having an older kid, since mine was just five as I read this book, but it also made me realize we can only do so much to stem the same kind of rebellion we put our own parents through. Isn't that just part of growing up? This is a pretty fast read and I liked picking up a book written by a dad about their kids' passion.

[Darren Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could not put it down. Wasn’t just Thompson’s great writing style. It was the way he writes about our similar doubts, our concerns, and our fears about our approach to fatherhood, to parenthood. I say “ours” because the realities of fatherhood and parenthood now are too often shared. And what plays out in the media about absentee fathers, toxic masculinity, and so on are addressed head on but in genuine, vulnerable language. Highly recommended for dads, parents, educators, pastors, counselors, and so on.

[Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

The struggle to balance how much freedom to give your kids: some is surely good, but too much is a recipe for disaster. A lot of this feels familiar: esp. am I a bad dad? I don’t think I would be as tolerant of the pot smoking, for sure, but I definitely would have similarly encouraged the skating. In the end, love and acceptance and being there seems to be the advice of the best route, and I agree with that. My oldest is just on the verge of teenager hood, so I am about to go deeper into this raising boys journey and appreciative of the vulnerable insights of Neal Thompson in this book.

[Chelsea DeVries · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thompson captures the heart of celebrating life on the edge as a father of two skater boys and as an open-minded person.

From start to finish, i was on the ride of my life and recommend that anyone read this regardless if you are a parent or not.

My favorite quote comes from page 7:
"Namely, skating is hard, it takes a lot of practice, it requires patience, persistence, self-reliance, and guts. With no rules, skaters had to be creative, innovative, and imaginative."

[Edward Kohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting is the best & hardest job ever.

I don’t have skaters but I do have 2 rebellious outside the box thinking kids. Now in their 20s it’s safe to say we have survived. And even though my husband & I embraced our hippie years nothing prepared us or scared us more than our kids escapades. Your great writing made me remember it all. And want to have a Manhattan every night too lol.

[Jacque · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would have rated this higher but I wanted to shake the author and tell him to be a parent! He abdicated his role early on in favor of being a "buddy" to his sons. A little more guidance in the early years may have helped them make better decisions in their teenage years. However, in spite of all his angst, he seemed to take pride in their anti social behavior. I wonder if they will be able to temper their attitude of entitlement and privilege as they make their way in the real world.

[Theo Hendrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A beautiful and touching memoir that covered skateboarding, boyhood, fatherhood, masculinity and parenting with a huge amount of love. It did get VERY repetitive at some points but overall it hit me at a personal level - both as a young trans man connecting with my manhood and as a 20-year-old growing closer to my father through starting to learn to skate. So thank you Neal, for writing this tribute to you and your sons, it's hitting close to home for other fathers and sons too.

[Brucie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very well done memoir, covers everything in the title, clearly shows what can happen when unknowing parents lead unknowing kids. "Just lean forward. Just drop in." is as good as it gets. There will be blood.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this--reminds me of the dilemma some of my students and their parents went through. This is honest, revealing and a delight.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve ever read. All kids are individuals and the skater world illustrated by the author’s poignant account of raising his sons reflects this brilliantly.

[Amy Fish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding. Couldn’t put it down. Loved it.

[Kitson Wood · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great tale of parenting. The extreme love and hard calls to be made!

[Sophie · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 really...but the parts that hit home made me raise the rating.

[Doug Schaefer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a 5 star book for me, as I’m trying to raise a 5 year old who potentially has some of the same wild impulses that the author’s children have and I have the exact same insecurities about parenting that he does. Plus it’s all about skateboarding and being a nonconformist, which I know a little something about. Some of the commentary about the weak spots school systems have for dealing with adolescent boys with ADHD/autism etc are spot on, and I work in a school with boys like that for a living. Occasionally the author gets a little too caught up in his own insecurities and rambles a little bit, which is the only reason I didn’t give it 5 stars overall. But, I would still recommend this book, especially if you are a parent, and especially if you are a parent of boys.

[Mackenzie Dickson · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Loved the story telling about a world I know nothing about. Cringed at the entitled way the author raised the kids. A really good read, but I couldn't bring myself to put it to 4 stars.