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Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out
Jessica Graham demonstrates that a deep spiritual life and an extraordinary sex life are not mutually exclusive in this keenly personal and unflinchingly frank guide to finding mindfulness in sex without losing the fun and adventure. Graham shares her own gradual transformation from checked out and sexually traumatized to present and joyfully recovered in all aspects of her life as she offers simple mindfulness tools and techniques to improve your sex life and romantic relationships. Her story of sexual healing, awakening, and exploration weaves together with a meditation manual and down-to-earth suggestions for how to bring mindfulness into the bedroom. Not only a tool kit for creating a rich and deeply satisfying sex life, this fun, explicit, and transformative book conveys the deeper message of how combining meditation with sex can bring about profound spiritual awakenings.
Good Sex begins with basic meditation instructions from a variety of techniques, followed by mindfulness exercises delving into communication difficulties, and the fear, attachment, and shame that can come up around sex. The book's matter-of-fact and inclusive perspective borrows from Buddhism, Hinduism, and Christianity, but is accessible to the secular community and those with no spiritual or meditation background at all. Graham discusses everything from open-eyed orgasms to threesomes to how to deal with a partner with a low sex drive. From a sex-positive and nontraditional stance she explores nonmonogamy, the benefits of pornography, sexual trauma, consent, and much more. Anyone feeling stuck or stunted in their sex life, unable to communicate their needs or desires, will find strategies for approaching difficult subjects and connecting more intimately with partners. They will discover ways to trust their own personal wisdom, to know themselves better, have better sex, and embrace the spiritual dimension in their sexuality.
Good Sex begins with basic meditation instructions from a variety of techniques, followed by mindfulness exercises delving into communication difficulties, and the fear, attachment, and shame that can come up around sex. The book's matter-of-fact and inclusive perspective borrows from Buddhism, Hinduism, and Christianity, but is accessible to the secular community and those with no spiritual or meditation background at all. Graham discusses everything from open-eyed orgasms to threesomes to how to deal with a partner with a low sex drive. From a sex-positive and nontraditional stance she explores nonmonogamy, the benefits of pornography, sexual trauma, consent, and much more. Anyone feeling stuck or stunted in their sex life, unable to communicate their needs or desires, will find strategies for approaching difficult subjects and connecting more intimately with partners. They will discover ways to trust their own personal wisdom, to know themselves better, have better sex, and embrace the spiritual dimension in their sexuality.
192 pages, Paperback
Published November 7, 2017
143 people are currently reading
735 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
November 10, 2017
3.5 Stars
A decent non-fiction/self-help read where the author recounts her history with sexual promiscuity and drugs, and her eventual realization that she hasn’t been loving herself the way she deserves to be loved. Through the author’s personal history, she tells us how she found meditation and mindfulness, and how that helped her not only be mindful during sex, but in every aspect of her life. There are some great meditation techniques in here for anyone that is just barely getting into it, or are just doing some research to see if it fits for them. One of my favorite things the author reflects on here is that no-one needs to have quiet mind to meditate or practice mindfulness, and that it is silly to think that the human mind can just be 100% quiet. There are quite a few things that are repeated, and thus I do feel this could’ve been shorter, but overall there are many different parts of this book that aren’t going to apply to everyone, so you really can just search out those areas that you are interested in.
Received via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
A decent non-fiction/self-help read where the author recounts her history with sexual promiscuity and drugs, and her eventual realization that she hasn’t been loving herself the way she deserves to be loved. Through the author’s personal history, she tells us how she found meditation and mindfulness, and how that helped her not only be mindful during sex, but in every aspect of her life. There are some great meditation techniques in here for anyone that is just barely getting into it, or are just doing some research to see if it fits for them. One of my favorite things the author reflects on here is that no-one needs to have quiet mind to meditate or practice mindfulness, and that it is silly to think that the human mind can just be 100% quiet. There are quite a few things that are repeated, and thus I do feel this could’ve been shorter, but overall there are many different parts of this book that aren’t going to apply to everyone, so you really can just search out those areas that you are interested in.
Received via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
December 1, 2025
Pivotal to my mindfulness journey!
January 19, 2018
I found Good Sex by Jessica Graham to be an informative, illuminating, and very candid narrative about her upbringing, family life and how meditation along with a solid network of friends and teachers helped her transform into the interesting, personable and successful woman she is today. Chapters six, nine and ten were some of my favorites but the whole book is tailored to help you identify your anxieties, fears, worries and effectively deal with them via daily meditation sessions which she thoroughly explains in her book. I feel fortunate to have met Jessica prior to her book launch and knowing the author helps in building a stronger connection as I read her moving and dynamic book. Women in particular will find Good Sex very empowering, a testament of being willing to shed your inhibitions, worries, fears by speaking out and saying what you truly want out of life, out of relationships, etc. Waking up into a new kind of existence. There are no coincidences in life and every encounter happens for a reason; I will always treasure this book!
November 11, 2017
I️ don’t know how I️ missed it but this was NOT the book I️ expected. I️ could have understood ‘mindfulness’ but this was mediation advocacy by stealth. No, thank you. As much as I️ was interested in elevating my sex life, months and years of mediation is a ludicrous suggestion.
Once I️ got through the author’s introduction and pronouncements of her unhealthy avenues to seek fulfillment, I️ skimmed the balance of the book. Very disappointed but I’m going to own some responsibility for not researching more of what I️ flagged as ‘Want To Read.’
Once I️ got through the author’s introduction and pronouncements of her unhealthy avenues to seek fulfillment, I️ skimmed the balance of the book. Very disappointed but I’m going to own some responsibility for not researching more of what I️ flagged as ‘Want To Read.’
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 2, 2021
Maybe I’ve been reading too much sex related books, and therefor found this one more of an entertaining read than an upgrade to knowledge or insight. A lot of good practical meditation / auto analysis exercises a cool amount of stories but at the end of the day nothing that I’ve found insightful. While typing this review I’ve changed the rating from 3-4 several times while looking back at the book. I ll leave it at 4 as the author was really vulnerable sharing intimate history and I do believe this will be helpful for all the one’s starting their sexual understanding journeys.
August 24, 2021
This book helped me realize even further that a mindful approach to life is something very important that can bring a lot of fulfilment. Meditation can play a key role in life and "being in the moment" can (and should) be applied even in intimate moments.
There were times that the author was a little repetitive but that's ok. The book is filled with practices and helpful tips.
As a male, some of the content was a little useless for me but it was a fun read nonetheless
There were times that the author was a little repetitive but that's ok. The book is filled with practices and helpful tips.
As a male, some of the content was a little useless for me but it was a fun read nonetheless
July 9, 2022
I had this book recommended by the podcast Multiamory and it seemed to come to me at the exact right time in my reconnection journey. I enjoy how it has a great balance of spiritual and practical techniques that can be adapted to any lifestyle. While I rolled my eyes a bit at the beginning, by the end I had found a lot of different aspects of the book that I can apply to my life. I really like that this book isn't fraught with heteronormative, Christian-tinted ideas.
February 4, 2018
So much more
There’s so much more to this book than just the title. I wasn’t expecting the book to talk about recovery from trauma or give insight into some of the possible pitfalls that may be encountered with using mediation on a path to personal growth. Most of the most deeply pertinent things for me were not what I expected to find when I first picked up the book.
There’s so much more to this book than just the title. I wasn’t expecting the book to talk about recovery from trauma or give insight into some of the possible pitfalls that may be encountered with using mediation on a path to personal growth. Most of the most deeply pertinent things for me were not what I expected to find when I first picked up the book.
June 13, 2021
3.5/5 stars.
This one really made me reflect and think A TON! I may have to revisit this one in the future.
This one really made me reflect and think A TON! I may have to revisit this one in the future.
August 4, 2021
If you like Sex and Mindfulness, you will love this book.
February 7, 2024
Good book, informative. Goes into meditation mindfulness around sex.
April 25, 2018
As much as I like the idea of mindful sex I couldn't get into this book.
The author spends a lot of time focusing on issues that are not relevant to me like sexual trauma or orgasm shame. She also goes into some pretty intense personal stories about her own experience with these kinds of issues.
I admire her for going through that journey and sharing her experience with others. At the same time, I think it might make mindfulness practices seem unapproachable. For example, she ends the book with a story about how when she was started she was told "this is going to destroy your life." She goes on to say that "the key is to stick it out until the reconstruction can begin." That's not a great sales pitch for mindfulness, and I suspect not necessarily applicable to people who are not dealing with major trauma.
When there was advice that was more general and might apply to my situation, I found it pretty unapproachable. For example, she often suggests that the solution to an issue is to love yourself unconditionally or to realize that you are "perfect just the way you are". That's a pretty tall order without any additional information on how to get there.
Finally, I suspect that there may be a style issue. The people that she often quoted as mentors were usually from the more woo woo side of the meditation world.
This might be a good resource for some, but it just didn't gel for me.
The author spends a lot of time focusing on issues that are not relevant to me like sexual trauma or orgasm shame. She also goes into some pretty intense personal stories about her own experience with these kinds of issues.
I admire her for going through that journey and sharing her experience with others. At the same time, I think it might make mindfulness practices seem unapproachable. For example, she ends the book with a story about how when she was started she was told "this is going to destroy your life." She goes on to say that "the key is to stick it out until the reconstruction can begin." That's not a great sales pitch for mindfulness, and I suspect not necessarily applicable to people who are not dealing with major trauma.
When there was advice that was more general and might apply to my situation, I found it pretty unapproachable. For example, she often suggests that the solution to an issue is to love yourself unconditionally or to realize that you are "perfect just the way you are". That's a pretty tall order without any additional information on how to get there.
Finally, I suspect that there may be a style issue. The people that she often quoted as mentors were usually from the more woo woo side of the meditation world.
This might be a good resource for some, but it just didn't gel for me.
October 20, 2018
Considering the title, there’s very little sex, especially in the first half. Most of it feels like a meditation handbook.
Once it does get to sex. . . maybe I’m just different, but she talks about issues—for example, don’t be afraid of eye contact—that in my experience seem strange. To me they’re just natural, everyday things. Why would anyone be afraid of eye contact during sex? I just don’t get it.
The section I most enjoyed was on threesomes. It was the most honest, but it took me forever to get there.
By the end—and it took me months—it felt like only a small amount of people who start this will get through. It’s targeted very specifically: if you’re into meditation and crystals and such, this is for you. Everyone else might get something, but will have to hunt long and hard for it.
2.5 pushed up to 3/5
Once it does get to sex. . . maybe I’m just different, but she talks about issues—for example, don’t be afraid of eye contact—that in my experience seem strange. To me they’re just natural, everyday things. Why would anyone be afraid of eye contact during sex? I just don’t get it.
The section I most enjoyed was on threesomes. It was the most honest, but it took me forever to get there.
By the end—and it took me months—it felt like only a small amount of people who start this will get through. It’s targeted very specifically: if you’re into meditation and crystals and such, this is for you. Everyone else might get something, but will have to hunt long and hard for it.
2.5 pushed up to 3/5
November 18, 2018
I have had the great privilege of getting to know Jessica a bit and she is truly a wonderful, kind and unique person. This book is so much more than just about sex. The early chapters in the book outline some meditations that you can incorporate into your every day life. Her story is a remarkable one. We should all aspire to be so unabashed. Congratulations and I'm so proud to call you my friend.
November 27, 2018
This book has helped me so much in that it provides mindfulness tools that I really needed to fully navigate the world in as full and authentic way as possible, with not only myself but with others. Her own personal journey helped me make connections to her experience and how the tools she uses could also help me. It came at a very apropos time (art collective work and art research in education and all the other personal work I’ve been doing). Highly recommend.
December 15, 2020
Probably more of a book on learning to meditate than I bargained for, as someone with a meditation practice. However, I understand that many of Graham's readers will profit immensely from this introduction, so I don't begrudge it.
On substance, the book is very introductory. Read it as an opportunity to orient growth, not as a comprehensive treatment of the subject matter.
On substance, the book is very introductory. Read it as an opportunity to orient growth, not as a comprehensive treatment of the subject matter.
July 22, 2025
Really enjoyed this book. I am on a new healing journey with sexuality and trauma and this book is a good stepping stone.
May 22, 2019
This book was hugely eye opening into a lot of personal relationships with my body, sexuality, sexual history, and current relationship. The book cover mindfulness and how to translate that into your sex life. Its so important to have a healthy sex life and be mindful of our relationships with our body and our partners when it comes to sex. This book is a great place to start if you are looking to go deeper in terms of all of the above. I've personally met Jessica and partook in one of her mindfulness retreats. She's a wonderful woman and her insight is incredibly important and inspiring.
April 13, 2019
Jessica Graham offers personal reflections and practical advice on how to get more out of getting some. “If we put our sexuality in a shoebox under the bed, we are putting a part of ourselves in there too,” she begins. She describes being cut off from one’s body during sex, disappearing in one way or another—and how, precisely, to use mindfulness to achieve “endless possibility, surprise, and awe” during sex in a long term relationship.
Read
March 12, 2018Great book on how to start meditation and how it can positively affect various areas of your life including better sex
Read
February 20, 2019It's more about meditation than sex. But if you're a woman and have been stuck on orgasms and how you can get off faster, or how you can climax deeper, or if you can't climax at all give it a try. You may get the help you need.
I personally liked it and it has helped me cultivate a meditation practice (work in progress) and a new way to get off. Win-win :)
I personally liked it and it has helped me cultivate a meditation practice (work in progress) and a new way to get off. Win-win :)
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews