UnTrapped: Nine Secrets to Getting Along

by Daniel Nehrbass

"Dan Nehrbass addresses those awkward relationships where someone else's actions put us in a bind. We may not know what to say or do, but there are usually multiple options each of which may have pros and cons worth considering." —Jim Daly, President of Focus on the Family

Marie feels trapped in her relationship with her mother. Her mom is a hoarder, so Marie came to Dr. Daniel Nehrbass with the question: “How can I get my mom to stop hoarding, so we can all live a normal life?” Dr. Nehrbass couldn’t think of one thing that would get her mom to stop hoarding, but he could think of several options she had for improving the relationship.

In UnTrapped, Dr. Nehrbass shows that whenever a relationship has you feeling trapped, you have options. While you may not be able to control another person’s behavior, you can take control of your happiness by determining how you respond. Dr. Nehrbass shares real-life stories of people who’ve tried these options for relational change and he also offers biblical examples.

Next time you feel trapped, you’ll be prepared with the options you find in UnTrapped. And whichever option you choose, you’ll know that God used this experience to grow you and the people around you.

258 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 1, 2017

Reviews

[Regina · Rating 4 out of 5]

My psychologist recommended this book, both for the useful techniques that Daniel Nehrbass recommends and because he does so within a Biblical context. I'm working on developing some of these techniques and have already found at least one to be quite successful when I remembered to use it and the other is something I wish I'd known years ago!! I'm not sure that I should pick-and-choose, so will continue to work on how to use the other 7 suggestions. I think this will be another book that I return to again and again over the years.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't read this for parenting originally but I found myself applying the ideas to that realm the most. (He covers family, marriage, parenting, and friendships with each of the categories). The first (and longest chapter) on "Truthing" (Teaching) was a good reminder that the Holy Spirit (not me) is "in charge" of changing other people's behavior, thoughts, etc. The 9 positive actions are contrasted with 9 negative actions and provide a good framework for thinking about how I tend to respond in situations and what would be better alternatives.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nehrbass provides helpful relationship advice when it comes to feeling trapped or stuck by the actions or attitudes of others. Since it's unlikely that our actions can directly change another person's habits or perspective, we can be left with the idea that our decisions or actions are futile toward improving relational situations. Arguing this is not the case, Nehrbass first helps overcome unrealistic expectations concerning what we can do to influence others or change circumstances. He then offers nine possible actions we can take in any given relational quagmire. Each of these will produce some sort of result, at least providing an opportunity to avoid feeling powerless, and quite possibly improving the situation to some degree.

I appreciated Nehrbass' use of family and parenting illustrations, and the wisdom (and honesty) to repeatedly state that there is no magic bullet solution to relationship issues. And while any one of the nine actions listed may help in one situation, it may not be the best choice in another. The particular situation and people involved need to be carefully understood before implementing any action. This willingness to admit that context factors large in the application of principles is a breath of fresh air, when compared to some other one-size-fits-all Christian self-help books.

I would have liked to see more illustrations concerning work situations and not just domestic ones, but the principles should be relatively easy to reapply. Overall a helpful book, with plenty of wisdom from an author who is trained academically and in practice in the field of pastoral counseling.

[Melanie Mead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book is a genius look at 9 ways we can respond when we face difficult interpersonal interactions - the book especially highlights relational difficulties in marriage, parenting, and friendship. I found it very practical, sensitive and biblical. The author continually stated that the overarching goal in relationships was to pursue what is best for the other person. I found this so insightful and refreshing - so different from many relationship books which encourage you to protect yourself and try to get what you want. I took a lot of notes from this book and I will be referring to them often, asking the Lord to show me which of these responses to try in various relationships.

[Katie Cruice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has excellent suggestions for getting along in any relationship. Daniel uses a real-life situation to make the reader see how he suggests implementing his strategies. I used them in my parenting and was very happy with the results. This is a great book and very easy to read!