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Fat White Vampire #1
Fat White Vampire Blues
Jules Duchon was a real New Orleans vampire. Born and bred in the working-class Ninth Ward, bitten and smitten with the Big Easy. Driving through the French Quarter, stuck in a row of bumper-to-bumper cars that crept along Decatur Street like a caravan of bone-weary camels, Jules Duchon barely fit behind the steering wheel of his very big Cadillac taxicab. Even with the seat pushed all the way back.
Damn, he was hungry.
Jules stopped his cab, pressed the wobbly rocker switch that jerked the electric windows reluctantly to life, and stuck his head into the humid night air. “Hey, baby. You interested in some dinner?”
–from Fat White Vampire Blues
Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night–whatever you call him–Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground.
What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell–and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims–or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground.
With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast– Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Damn, he was hungry.
Jules stopped his cab, pressed the wobbly rocker switch that jerked the electric windows reluctantly to life, and stuck his head into the humid night air. “Hey, baby. You interested in some dinner?”
–from Fat White Vampire Blues
Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night–whatever you call him–Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground.
What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell–and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims–or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground.
With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast– Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
353 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2003
20 people are currently reading
927 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Fox
48 books36 followersAndrew Fox was born in Miami Beach in 1964. He has been a fan of science fiction and horror since he saw Godzilla and friends romp through Destroy All Monsters at the drive-in theater at the age of three. In 1994, he joined award-winning science fiction author George Alec Effinger's monthly writing workshop group in New Orleans, where Andrew lived for more than two decades. Since 2009, he has lived in Northern Virginia with his wife and three boys, where he works for a federal law enforcement agency.
His first novel, Fat White Vampire Blues, published by Ballantine Books in 2003, was widely described as "Anne Rice meets A Confederacy of Dunces." It won the Ruthven Award for Best Vampire Fiction of 2003. Its sequel, Bride of the Fat White Vampire, was published in 2004. His third novel, The Good Humor Man, or, Calorie 3501, was published by Tachyon Publications in April, 2009. It was selected by Booklist as one of the Ten Best SF/Fantasy Novels of the Year and was first runner up for the Darrell Award, presented for best SF or fantasy novel written by a Mid-South author or set in the Mid-South. In 2006, he was one of the three winners of the Moment Magazine-Karma Foundation Short Fiction Award.
Andrew is an outspoken advocate for freedom of speech and thought in science fiction. MonstraCity Press is publishing two volumes of short fiction that, in the tradition of Harlan Ellison's groundbreaking anthologies Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions, push the boundaries of what is considered taboo in science fiction. The first volume, Hazardous Imaginings: The Mondo Book of Politically Incorrect Science Fiction, includes two of Andrew's short novels and three of his stories. The second volume, Again, Hazardous Imaginings, features 14 stories by writers from all over the world. Science fiction is not a safe space!
MonstraCity Press has published Fire on Iron (Book One of Midnight's Inferno: the August Micholson Chronicles), a steampunk dark fantasy novel set aboard ironclad gunboats during the Civil War, and will publish the second book in the series, Hellfire and Damnation, in 2023. MonstraCity Press has also published the third book in the Fat White Vampire series, Fat White Vampire Otaku, and the fourth book in the series, Hunt the Fat White Vampire, both in 2021. The Bad Luck Spirits' Social Aid and Pleasure Club, a fantasy novel which intertwines a supernatural secret history of New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath, also came out in 2021; this is a tie-in to the Fat White Vampire series.
In 2022, Potomac Books, an imprint of The University of Nebraska Press, published Andrew's first non-fiction book, The Devil's Toy Box: Exposing and Defusing Promethean Terrorists. In 2023, Agaddah Try It, an imprint of Madness Heart Press, published his novel The End of Daze, an eschatological satire that presents the end times from an off-kilter Jewish perspective.
Andrew's other jobs have been varied. He has worked at a children's psychiatric center, managed a statewide supplemental nutrition program for senior citizens, taught musical theater and improv to children, and sold Saturn cars and trucks (just before the automotive division was abolished by General Motors). He has also been a mime (in his younger days) and produced a multi-sensory interactive play for blind children in New Orleans.
Andrew Fox's website and blog can be found at:
www.fantasticalandrewfox.com
The latest information about MonstraCity Press books can be found at:
www.monstracitypress.com
His first novel, Fat White Vampire Blues, published by Ballantine Books in 2003, was widely described as "Anne Rice meets A Confederacy of Dunces." It won the Ruthven Award for Best Vampire Fiction of 2003. Its sequel, Bride of the Fat White Vampire, was published in 2004. His third novel, The Good Humor Man, or, Calorie 3501, was published by Tachyon Publications in April, 2009. It was selected by Booklist as one of the Ten Best SF/Fantasy Novels of the Year and was first runner up for the Darrell Award, presented for best SF or fantasy novel written by a Mid-South author or set in the Mid-South. In 2006, he was one of the three winners of the Moment Magazine-Karma Foundation Short Fiction Award.
Andrew is an outspoken advocate for freedom of speech and thought in science fiction. MonstraCity Press is publishing two volumes of short fiction that, in the tradition of Harlan Ellison's groundbreaking anthologies Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions, push the boundaries of what is considered taboo in science fiction. The first volume, Hazardous Imaginings: The Mondo Book of Politically Incorrect Science Fiction, includes two of Andrew's short novels and three of his stories. The second volume, Again, Hazardous Imaginings, features 14 stories by writers from all over the world. Science fiction is not a safe space!
MonstraCity Press has published Fire on Iron (Book One of Midnight's Inferno: the August Micholson Chronicles), a steampunk dark fantasy novel set aboard ironclad gunboats during the Civil War, and will publish the second book in the series, Hellfire and Damnation, in 2023. MonstraCity Press has also published the third book in the Fat White Vampire series, Fat White Vampire Otaku, and the fourth book in the series, Hunt the Fat White Vampire, both in 2021. The Bad Luck Spirits' Social Aid and Pleasure Club, a fantasy novel which intertwines a supernatural secret history of New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath, also came out in 2021; this is a tie-in to the Fat White Vampire series.
In 2022, Potomac Books, an imprint of The University of Nebraska Press, published Andrew's first non-fiction book, The Devil's Toy Box: Exposing and Defusing Promethean Terrorists. In 2023, Agaddah Try It, an imprint of Madness Heart Press, published his novel The End of Daze, an eschatological satire that presents the end times from an off-kilter Jewish perspective.
Andrew's other jobs have been varied. He has worked at a children's psychiatric center, managed a statewide supplemental nutrition program for senior citizens, taught musical theater and improv to children, and sold Saturn cars and trucks (just before the automotive division was abolished by General Motors). He has also been a mime (in his younger days) and produced a multi-sensory interactive play for blind children in New Orleans.
Andrew Fox's website and blog can be found at:
www.fantasticalandrewfox.com
The latest information about MonstraCity Press books can be found at:
www.monstracitypress.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
October 5, 2007
The first time I read this book I finished it and tossed it on the shelf promising to warn my friends to skip it and the sequel. I recently picked it back up and flipped through and decided to re-read it. It fared better on the second try.
The story is simple enough: our protagonist is Jules Duchon, a New Orleans vampire. He's pretty stupid, not very up on local events, and generally uninterested in anything except his few friends, his few hobbies, and his next meal, although his pursuit of those is admirable. Over the last few decades, separated from his vampire/lover and working as a cab driver to pick up meals, he has gained hundreds of pounds and blames the high levels of fat and cholesterol in the blood of the obese victims he prefers. Not taking responsibility for his own actions is one of Jules' skills.
The plot kicks in when a new vampire, named Malice X, shows up, beats Jules around a bit, and threatens to kill Jules if he bites any black people in New Orleans. Black women, especially obese black hookers, have been a large percentage of Jules' food supply recently, so this poses a problem.
It's a ridiculous setup, but fortunately it is explained to some degree later.
So we follow Jules, his former lover Maureen, and his former "sidekick" Doodlebug as Jules takes on Malice X' all-black all-vampire army in a battle of wits, strength, and guile, none of which Jules actually possesses.
Fortunately, Doodlebug, since leaving Jules and moving out of Louisiana, has studied with--I'm not making this up--Tibetan vampire masters, and knows the secrets of vampire fu. Okay, not vampire fu, but knows the secrets of how vampirism works. So "DB" begins teaching Jules the secret meditative arts that will allow him to shapeshift again (well, he can shapeshift, but a flightless-but-winged nutria isn't the same as a bat and a wolf that can barely walk because of its weight isn't much use). DB also inspires Jules to remember how dedicated he was in the '40s, when they first worked together to defeat supposed Axis spies and saboteurs at the New Orleans shipyards.
There is also a random side bit about a honey trap set by a government agency that tracks down vampires (and can apparantly afford to spend years and many hundreds of thousands of dollars on one not-very-impressive vampire), but that doesn't go anywhere at all and just takes up space.
The interesting bits are the take on vampiric powers and how they work. There are some good ideas and they are used cleverly, especially in the final confrontation.
Unfortunately, we still have an odious, racist, stupid, self-absorbed, loser of a protagonist who refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. On the plus side, about half of the really annoying characters die in ways that make their appearance in the sequel unlikely.
Not a bad read if you don't mind the main character. Like I said, it fared better the second time. I might give the sequel a try.
The story is simple enough: our protagonist is Jules Duchon, a New Orleans vampire. He's pretty stupid, not very up on local events, and generally uninterested in anything except his few friends, his few hobbies, and his next meal, although his pursuit of those is admirable. Over the last few decades, separated from his vampire/lover and working as a cab driver to pick up meals, he has gained hundreds of pounds and blames the high levels of fat and cholesterol in the blood of the obese victims he prefers. Not taking responsibility for his own actions is one of Jules' skills.
The plot kicks in when a new vampire, named Malice X, shows up, beats Jules around a bit, and threatens to kill Jules if he bites any black people in New Orleans. Black women, especially obese black hookers, have been a large percentage of Jules' food supply recently, so this poses a problem.
It's a ridiculous setup, but fortunately it is explained to some degree later.
So we follow Jules, his former lover Maureen, and his former "sidekick" Doodlebug as Jules takes on Malice X' all-black all-vampire army in a battle of wits, strength, and guile, none of which Jules actually possesses.
Fortunately, Doodlebug, since leaving Jules and moving out of Louisiana, has studied with--I'm not making this up--Tibetan vampire masters, and knows the secrets of vampire fu. Okay, not vampire fu, but knows the secrets of how vampirism works. So "DB" begins teaching Jules the secret meditative arts that will allow him to shapeshift again (well, he can shapeshift, but a flightless-but-winged nutria isn't the same as a bat and a wolf that can barely walk because of its weight isn't much use). DB also inspires Jules to remember how dedicated he was in the '40s, when they first worked together to defeat supposed Axis spies and saboteurs at the New Orleans shipyards.
There is also a random side bit about a honey trap set by a government agency that tracks down vampires (and can apparantly afford to spend years and many hundreds of thousands of dollars on one not-very-impressive vampire), but that doesn't go anywhere at all and just takes up space.
The interesting bits are the take on vampiric powers and how they work. There are some good ideas and they are used cleverly, especially in the final confrontation.
Unfortunately, we still have an odious, racist, stupid, self-absorbed, loser of a protagonist who refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. On the plus side, about half of the really annoying characters die in ways that make their appearance in the sequel unlikely.
Not a bad read if you don't mind the main character. Like I said, it fared better the second time. I might give the sequel a try.
January 16, 2012
I just can't finish this. Too many things that make me uncomfortable--race issues, size issues, and the keeping of livestock for blood-in the character's wording: retards and imbeciles.
It really makes me wonder how to accept a book that has questionable material---is it offensive or is it part of the story for a reason and should be read anyway.
It really makes me wonder how to accept a book that has questionable material---is it offensive or is it part of the story for a reason and should be read anyway.
Read
April 23, 2012The title says it all - not much horror, but consistently humorous, this is an excellent character study with a healthy dash of social commentary. Highly recommended.
August 18, 2022
I’m ambivalent about this novel. On the plus side, the author really knows his New Orleans, and much of the book is set in an excellent snapshot of very early 21st Century NOLA, and, in general he avoids hitting the stereotypical “Nawlins” riffs (*cough* K-Ville *cough*). His protagonist is a refreshing take on what is, mostly, a traditional vampire – he’s a morbidly overweight cabdriver – apparently, while the undead don’t age, they are what they eat, and decades of feeding on the natives of “America’s fattest city” has transformed the once-handsome young vampire into 450 pounds of undead lard, so heavy that when he turns into a bat, that he can’t fly, and as a wolf, his gut practically drags the ground. Also, he worries that he’s getting diabetes. The author has a few other variations on what are otherwise pretty straightforward old-school nosferatu; but I’m not going to go into these as they’re plot specific. The story itself is interesting and mostly fun although there are a few points that seem pretty contrived – including a never explained “deus ex lupina” near the end. While the story is more humor than horror, be advised that much if it is of the gross-out type. The protagonist is not in any way a good person (although, of course, he THINKS he is) – in addition to being (like most vampires in this world) a multiple murderer, he’s impulsive, selfish, egocentric and not very bright. And as a working-class white guy from the early 20th Century, he’s not exactly enlightened when it comes to race or gender issues. Minor complaint: Fox changes the names of a number of real people in his book, but after a while it feels like he’s just trying to be too damn cute with it – I’ll accept Nathan Knight (David Duke character), but “Agatha Longrain,” local writer of vampire fiction, is a bit much. 3 stars.
September 11, 2015
Somewhere between when he had sex with a dog and when he decided he was going to recruit a bunch of white supremacists for fight a black vampire who burnt down his haven because Jules refused to stop praying on black victims I just lost interest in what was going to happen to Jules. I really wanted to like him, I really did. I liked the phonetically spelled out dialogue and the atmosphere of New Orleans. But at the end of the day he was just not that much fun to be around. I stopped reading and flipped to the last chapter to find out how it ended, and even the ending seems like it was contrived to make Jules utterly unlikable. ( Hint: He doesn't solve his own problems and the solution has nothing to do with him overcoming his internal character flaws. ) This would be fine if the book was actually funny, but the book lacks the timing other comedies I'm reading have that make me laugh out loud. A lot of the gags are just gross-out or mean spirited. The author seems like a really nice guy and there are some interesting ideas in here for vampire fans, but I just didn't have the patience for how unlikable and unfunny Jules was.
November 18, 2020
I have a really hard time DNFing books. I usually force myself to push through. I tried to look past the racism, ignorance and overall hatred of this asshole of a character thinking there'd be some comedic value eventually. I mean given the title I was expecting bad but hoping for cheesy and entertaining. The part where he turns into an obese wolf that basically rapes a stray dog because she can't get out from under him because he's so fat completely ruined any hope I had to finish this book. Nope. No. Full stop. NO! Not needed. Not funny. Pointless. Disgusting. I hate it.
August 14, 2007
Writing a vampire novel is something of an iffy prospect in today’s book market. On the one hand, vampire novels are perennially popular, never seeming to go out of style. But on the other hand, vampire novels have been done to death (no pun intended), and, quite frankly, if you can’t bring something new to the party, then you shouldn’t bother showing up. So I look upon the publication of a new vampire book with a mixture of hope and trepidation—I want to like it, but I’m wary; I’ve been burned before. Well, worry not, vampire fans, Fat White Vampire Blues passes the “Something New” test with flying colors.
Andrew Fox has done the seemingly impossible: paying homage to New Orleans and to John Kennedy Toole’s near-legendary A Confederacy of Dunces while simultaneously giving us a gentle satire of Anne Rice and Laurel K. Hamilton. Amazingly, the book doesn’t collapse under all that weight. It’s funny, it’s touching, and the characters, even the eccentric ones, ring true.
Jules Duchon is the fat white vampire of the title. Jules is a native son of New Orleans, a mama’s boy with a taste for rich soul food (or rather, those who have just eaten it) and all of the ambition of your average garden slug. Jules is shaken out of his complacency by a visit from new vampire Malice X, who declares that things will have to change, starting with Jules’ menu choices. Jules is appalled by Malice X’s pronouncements, and vows to defy them. There’s just one problem: Jules thinks he’s James Bond, but he’s closer to Inspector Clouseau.
Jules is a fabulous character. He has tremendous faith in his own intellect and skill level, and he’s gloriously, grossly mistaken. Fox manages to make Jules both pathetic and sympathetic, and that’s no easy feat. As a reader, you laugh at some of the situations Jules finds himself in, but at the same time you’re both worried that he’s really going to mess up this time and convinced that he deserves every bad thing that happens to him due to his stubborn insistence that he’s always right. Jules plots and schemes, but he always screws it all up. Malice X really is smarter, faster, and, quite frankly, a better vampire than Jules. The only thing Jules has going for him is two old friends: Maureen, the gargantuan stripper who made him a vampire, and Doodlebug, the one vampire that he sired himself and whom he hasn’t spoken to in years. These two try to force Jules to grow up enough to keep something terrible from happening.
Fat White Vampire Blues is a gem of a book. Fox’s love for New Orleans is as obvious as his gentle tweaking of some of its more famous residents. This is a strong debut novel, and I look forward to seeing what Andrew Fox has in store for me next.
Andrew Fox has done the seemingly impossible: paying homage to New Orleans and to John Kennedy Toole’s near-legendary A Confederacy of Dunces while simultaneously giving us a gentle satire of Anne Rice and Laurel K. Hamilton. Amazingly, the book doesn’t collapse under all that weight. It’s funny, it’s touching, and the characters, even the eccentric ones, ring true.
Jules Duchon is the fat white vampire of the title. Jules is a native son of New Orleans, a mama’s boy with a taste for rich soul food (or rather, those who have just eaten it) and all of the ambition of your average garden slug. Jules is shaken out of his complacency by a visit from new vampire Malice X, who declares that things will have to change, starting with Jules’ menu choices. Jules is appalled by Malice X’s pronouncements, and vows to defy them. There’s just one problem: Jules thinks he’s James Bond, but he’s closer to Inspector Clouseau.
Jules is a fabulous character. He has tremendous faith in his own intellect and skill level, and he’s gloriously, grossly mistaken. Fox manages to make Jules both pathetic and sympathetic, and that’s no easy feat. As a reader, you laugh at some of the situations Jules finds himself in, but at the same time you’re both worried that he’s really going to mess up this time and convinced that he deserves every bad thing that happens to him due to his stubborn insistence that he’s always right. Jules plots and schemes, but he always screws it all up. Malice X really is smarter, faster, and, quite frankly, a better vampire than Jules. The only thing Jules has going for him is two old friends: Maureen, the gargantuan stripper who made him a vampire, and Doodlebug, the one vampire that he sired himself and whom he hasn’t spoken to in years. These two try to force Jules to grow up enough to keep something terrible from happening.
Fat White Vampire Blues is a gem of a book. Fox’s love for New Orleans is as obvious as his gentle tweaking of some of its more famous residents. This is a strong debut novel, and I look forward to seeing what Andrew Fox has in store for me next.
March 6, 2008
Jules Duchon is a vampire living in New Orleans. Weighing in at 463 pounds, he is addicted to victims addicted to fried rich food. Schlumping around the Big Easy like an undead Ignatius Riley, the biggest worry in Jules' un-life is whether or not he might have diabetes, that is, until Jules gets muscled by a sinister vampire gangster named Malice X...Hilarity ensues. Kind of.
The adventure starts and then we are introduced to a cast of zany one dimensional characters that show Jules, in their special one dimensional way, that he had it in him all along...
There are some genuinely good parts to this uneven book but I was more engaged by what I thought was the original proposition of the novel: the quotidian existence of an obese, working class vampire in New Orleans changing because of how and what he eats. Just as Andrew Fox's characters were telling Jules that he didn't need the crazy plan to make an army of followers to fight Malice X or the gun that shot stakes and garlic cartridges, I wanted to tell Fox that he didn't need the shadowy anti-vampire federal agency or the secret agent with the wooden stakes popping out of her implanted breasts to tell a good story.
The adventure starts and then we are introduced to a cast of zany one dimensional characters that show Jules, in their special one dimensional way, that he had it in him all along...
There are some genuinely good parts to this uneven book but I was more engaged by what I thought was the original proposition of the novel: the quotidian existence of an obese, working class vampire in New Orleans changing because of how and what he eats. Just as Andrew Fox's characters were telling Jules that he didn't need the crazy plan to make an army of followers to fight Malice X or the gun that shot stakes and garlic cartridges, I wanted to tell Fox that he didn't need the shadowy anti-vampire federal agency or the secret agent with the wooden stakes popping out of her implanted breasts to tell a good story.
April 22, 2015
When I went to the library, I told the librarian that I wanted a book about vampires, but that I wanted it to be as different from the god-awful "Twilight" books as possible. He recommended this.
I can’t say that the book is particularly thrilling. The book drags in some places, and I didn’t find the plot particularly satisfying. What made up for that was the unconventional vampire story.
Jules Duchon is a morbidly obese vampire living in New Orleans. He prefers the blood of fat victims, which is what led to him becoming fat. Jules is also not a particularly good vampire. He’s not as strong or fast as he used to be, back when he was skinny. In his wolf form his stomach drags the ground and his bat form is so fat that it can’t fly. Jules is not particularly intelligent, he’s a cabbie, and he’s not wealthy. All of this, plus other aspects of the book, go against the grain of the traditional vampire story.
I can’t say that the book is particularly thrilling. The book drags in some places, and I didn’t find the plot particularly satisfying. What made up for that was the unconventional vampire story.
Jules Duchon is a morbidly obese vampire living in New Orleans. He prefers the blood of fat victims, which is what led to him becoming fat. Jules is also not a particularly good vampire. He’s not as strong or fast as he used to be, back when he was skinny. In his wolf form his stomach drags the ground and his bat form is so fat that it can’t fly. Jules is not particularly intelligent, he’s a cabbie, and he’s not wealthy. All of this, plus other aspects of the book, go against the grain of the traditional vampire story.
May 12, 2008
As diverse as supernatural fiction has gotten, one thing is almost always universal: Vampires are hot. And cool. And brainy and organized and natural leaders.
With the exception of the occasional bad guy killed off in mere minutes or "supporting character" type, whether hero or villain, vampires are the equivalent of movie stars and politicians.
Which may be why I liked Fat White Vampire Blues so much. Jules is, at best, a schlub. Living off "rich" New Orleans blood has made him obese and content, with aching joints and a night job in a Caddy cab, right up until a non-so-stock bad guy decides to rock the boat. (You've got to love the idea that a vampire might need to diet. Or choose his victims by judging how healthy they might be.)
Fox offers an interesting turn on an oft-stale genre. Will be interesting to see how it plays out.
With the exception of the occasional bad guy killed off in mere minutes or "supporting character" type, whether hero or villain, vampires are the equivalent of movie stars and politicians.
Which may be why I liked Fat White Vampire Blues so much. Jules is, at best, a schlub. Living off "rich" New Orleans blood has made him obese and content, with aching joints and a night job in a Caddy cab, right up until a non-so-stock bad guy decides to rock the boat. (You've got to love the idea that a vampire might need to diet. Or choose his victims by judging how healthy they might be.)
Fox offers an interesting turn on an oft-stale genre. Will be interesting to see how it plays out.
July 24, 2009
There ae a lot of strange and interesting combinations in New Orleans. In this book, humor and horror combine into a bizarre, funny, eclectic book. The roux on which this jambalaya is based has a flavor reminiscent of John Kennedy Toole’s _A Confederacy of Dunces_. Add a little Anne Rice influence and street observation and something to stretch your imagination to allow a depressed, 450+ pound vampire and a cast of increasingly funny and unlikely characters... and you're gonna laisser les bons temps rouler, cher!
I am confident that you have encountered very few protagonists quite like Jules Duchon, the fat white vampire of the book's title. Brace yourself for a great ride. This is not great literature: it is bizarre entertainment at a new level. A peek into a subculture previously unexplored. Voyeurism into an area we never knew existed. Enjoy!
I am confident that you have encountered very few protagonists quite like Jules Duchon, the fat white vampire of the book's title. Brace yourself for a great ride. This is not great literature: it is bizarre entertainment at a new level. A peek into a subculture previously unexplored. Voyeurism into an area we never knew existed. Enjoy!
January 13, 2015
It gets 3 stars for some kind of originality. but overall, I almost DNF'd it. I mean I really liked the whole idea of an obese vampire getting fatter and fatter, but some parts just felt like a mega filler material, I felt that if I won't skip those parts, the book is totally doomed.
Oh and a last thing - it could be a much better graphic novel. If it was, I probably would go for the next part, and also enjoy the read, as the slower un-needed parts would have passed in about half a page, and the story would move on...
Overall, 5/5 for originality, 0/5 for TLDR parts, 2/5 for general story going. oh yeah 4/5 for some of the characters. DB was a definite star of the whole ordeal.
Oh and a last thing - it could be a much better graphic novel. If it was, I probably would go for the next part, and also enjoy the read, as the slower un-needed parts would have passed in about half a page, and the story would move on...
Overall, 5/5 for originality, 0/5 for TLDR parts, 2/5 for general story going. oh yeah 4/5 for some of the characters. DB was a definite star of the whole ordeal.
March 23, 2021
I struggled to read this...I had a different expectation based on recommendations from friends who read this. After about 230 pages of suffocating racist, sexist, and transphobic dialogue and propaganda...I hoped it would get better. Unfortunately, I cannot say that it did.
On a hunt for diverse, quality vampire reads, I thought this one fit the bill. It is a different take on vampires, that is for sure. This book is filled with an obese vampire who clearly possesses sexist, biases on transgender people, weirdly into bestiality, fat-shaming, and prejudism against black people.
I am not entirely sure if I will continue this series after this book.
On a hunt for diverse, quality vampire reads, I thought this one fit the bill. It is a different take on vampires, that is for sure. This book is filled with an obese vampire who clearly possesses sexist, biases on transgender people, weirdly into bestiality, fat-shaming, and prejudism against black people.
I am not entirely sure if I will continue this series after this book.
June 10, 2009
For those who want astrong taste of New Orleans, I'd recommend this book over A Confederacy of Dunces. My father-in-law (who never reads horror or other speculative fiction) saw the book sitting around, started read, and said with a shake of his head and a look of shock, "This is some book." Then he kept reading, pausing every so often to repeat, "This is some book." He finished the whole book. One can hardly give a better testimony for this book that that.
June 6, 2018
Yesterday I was driving down Basin St., just outside of the French Quarter of New Orleans, and I noticed that a yoga studio had opened in a new building. A yoga studio itself may not seem that unusual, but next door was the brick shell of a building, currently under de- or re- construction... one of the last vestiges of the Bienville Projects, a notorious slum. Welcome to the new New Orleans: fifteen years ago you would walk that block with extreme caution, now bring your bottled water and yoga mat.
But what does this have to do with The Fat White Vampire Blues? This: as of summer 2018, I have lived in New Orleans for 24 years. TFWVB is set in New Orleans, and though there is no exact date given in the text context clues put it around 2003 when the book was published. This was the New Orleans I came to know as a college student at Loyola in the 1990's.
Jules Duchon is a 100 year-old New Orleans vampire. He has acquired a gourmand's taste for the blood of the obese, which has contributed to making him supersize himself: 450 lbs of undead bulk. At the beginning of the story he has grown complacent, with no reason to suspect that his life will consist of anything more than using his cab as a lure to draw in dinner, then heading home to listen to his jazz records until dawn forces him into his coffin. Of course his routine is shattered when another vampire appears and delivers an ultimatum, and Jules is launched on a whirlwind tour of the New Orleans metro area as he fights to keep his turf. The tone strives to be a vampire version of A Confederacy of Dunces and doesn't quite make it, but I cannot fault someone for aspiring to- and not quite living up to- one of the greatest books ever written (certainly the greatest book ever written about New Orleans).
For me, the plot is beside the point. What kept me turning the pages was the nostalgia: this was (and is) the New Orleans I know. Jules lives in the Bywater on Montegut St... one block from where I now work. His lady friend, Maureen, works as a dancer at a seedy dive bar on Iberville St... I worked at a restaurant near there while in college, and those dancers would run in and hide in our bathroom whenever the police raided them. Maureen lives on Bienville St. around the corner from and in the same block as my gym. I used to frequent the Trolley Stop Café, which features heavily in the tour, and Jules visits an old friend who lives a few blocks away from where I now live. I know the strip mall on Williams Blvd where Jules buys an illegal weapon; I know the lakefront park where his dinner is interrupted by the police. My car has been towed away to the same tow lot where Jules retrieves his Cadillac.
The locations are recognizable, yet everything is different. Thirteen years ago, eleven years after I made New Orleans my home, Hurricane Katrina came and plowed through that New Orleans. What has happened in the years since is a rebirth and revitalization few thought possible, yet also the diminishment of a individual and irreplaceable culture. One can argue the benefits and/or the evils of gentrification, I won't wade into those waters here. All I'm saying is: The Fat White Vampire Blues reminded me of a time and place that I once knew and highlighted how it has changed in the years since.
Basin St.: made famous by Louis Armstrong in Basin Street Blues ("Won't you come along with me..."), a few blocks from the park named after him, just off Canal St. near the old Krauss's Department Store building (now condos), the Saenger Theatre (newly renovated and open), the Loew's State Palace (still dilapidated), and the Canal Streetcar (torn out in 1960's in favor of busses, re-installed in 2000's in favor of tourists). Basin St., once home to a slum, yes, but also home to a vibrant jazz scene and a diverse and unique population. Now home to a yoga studio. Be sure to bring your mat.
But what does this have to do with The Fat White Vampire Blues? This: as of summer 2018, I have lived in New Orleans for 24 years. TFWVB is set in New Orleans, and though there is no exact date given in the text context clues put it around 2003 when the book was published. This was the New Orleans I came to know as a college student at Loyola in the 1990's.
Jules Duchon is a 100 year-old New Orleans vampire. He has acquired a gourmand's taste for the blood of the obese, which has contributed to making him supersize himself: 450 lbs of undead bulk. At the beginning of the story he has grown complacent, with no reason to suspect that his life will consist of anything more than using his cab as a lure to draw in dinner, then heading home to listen to his jazz records until dawn forces him into his coffin. Of course his routine is shattered when another vampire appears and delivers an ultimatum, and Jules is launched on a whirlwind tour of the New Orleans metro area as he fights to keep his turf. The tone strives to be a vampire version of A Confederacy of Dunces and doesn't quite make it, but I cannot fault someone for aspiring to- and not quite living up to- one of the greatest books ever written (certainly the greatest book ever written about New Orleans).
For me, the plot is beside the point. What kept me turning the pages was the nostalgia: this was (and is) the New Orleans I know. Jules lives in the Bywater on Montegut St... one block from where I now work. His lady friend, Maureen, works as a dancer at a seedy dive bar on Iberville St... I worked at a restaurant near there while in college, and those dancers would run in and hide in our bathroom whenever the police raided them. Maureen lives on Bienville St. around the corner from and in the same block as my gym. I used to frequent the Trolley Stop Café, which features heavily in the tour, and Jules visits an old friend who lives a few blocks away from where I now live. I know the strip mall on Williams Blvd where Jules buys an illegal weapon; I know the lakefront park where his dinner is interrupted by the police. My car has been towed away to the same tow lot where Jules retrieves his Cadillac.
The locations are recognizable, yet everything is different. Thirteen years ago, eleven years after I made New Orleans my home, Hurricane Katrina came and plowed through that New Orleans. What has happened in the years since is a rebirth and revitalization few thought possible, yet also the diminishment of a individual and irreplaceable culture. One can argue the benefits and/or the evils of gentrification, I won't wade into those waters here. All I'm saying is: The Fat White Vampire Blues reminded me of a time and place that I once knew and highlighted how it has changed in the years since.
Basin St.: made famous by Louis Armstrong in Basin Street Blues ("Won't you come along with me..."), a few blocks from the park named after him, just off Canal St. near the old Krauss's Department Store building (now condos), the Saenger Theatre (newly renovated and open), the Loew's State Palace (still dilapidated), and the Canal Streetcar (torn out in 1960's in favor of busses, re-installed in 2000's in favor of tourists). Basin St., once home to a slum, yes, but also home to a vibrant jazz scene and a diverse and unique population. Now home to a yoga studio. Be sure to bring your mat.
August 26, 2023
I read this as inspiration for my own novel because I wanted a vampire world that was different from what we've become accustomed to. I stopped reading/watching vampire stuff some years ago because I got bored of the same old setting, story, and characters. In that respect, this book did offer something a little different. The author also plays around with the lore a bit, which was cool. It drags in some places and is kind of juvenile in others, but I couldn't put it down because it was so easy to read, and I wanted to see how Jules would get out of the scrapes he got himself into.
And, yeah, this book certainly comes across as if the author is racist in that way that somebody thinks they're not, but all the stereotypes, etc., are present. I think he must have watched Blade and really run with that Wesley Snipes in the 90s vibe, which isn't a problem in itself, of course, unless you're a white guy trying to write that type of character. However, the relationships that the main character, Jules, has, and the ending, make you rethink that a little. Another point to note here is that, unfortunately, racism exists in the world, and if it wasn't represented in our stories, we wouldn't be playing with the whole spectrum of humanity as is so important for writers to do. That said, I don't think it would get past most publishers today.
And, yeah, this book certainly comes across as if the author is racist in that way that somebody thinks they're not, but all the stereotypes, etc., are present. I think he must have watched Blade and really run with that Wesley Snipes in the 90s vibe, which isn't a problem in itself, of course, unless you're a white guy trying to write that type of character. However, the relationships that the main character, Jules, has, and the ending, make you rethink that a little. Another point to note here is that, unfortunately, racism exists in the world, and if it wasn't represented in our stories, we wouldn't be playing with the whole spectrum of humanity as is so important for writers to do. That said, I don't think it would get past most publishers today.
June 19, 2018
I liked this book enough to finish it; but I doubt if I will go further in the series. There were funny moments, but really, the protagonist was just so pathetic, it got on my nerves a bit that he was just SUCH a loser. It had a few new & creative things about vampirism, but new isn’t always good. For example, I don’t want my vampires to be able to get fat & become diabetic after becoming vampires. Just sayin. But I did care enough about Jules to keep on reading to see how he got out of all the messes he got himself into.
June 18, 2020
I usually do not review books on good reads but I made an exception for this one. The amount of bad reviews are unfair. Yes, most characters in the book including MC, are racist, with misaligned views( they think other races are lazy or fat or cheats or all of it). But if you only read stories with proper , perfect characters, you are seriously limiting your literary palate. The writing is good and the story is unique.
April 17, 2022
I still think this books is an original concept when it comes to certain aspects of Vampires. The reason Jules is so fat is clever. At times it’s a bit slow, but if you stick with the story and aren’t squeamish then you will enjoy this Vampire story. It’s funny, gross, intriguing and leaves you wanting for more. Originally I read this when it came out on paperback and I’m glad I could reread this and read it on Kindle and all around the same time frame.
November 15, 2022
The MC, Jules Duchon is the fat white vampire. And once a new vampire comes to town and threatens him if he keeps feeding off of black people, Jules knows he has to take action. I got about 8 chapters in and stopped once Jules decided he would make himself a vampire army out of white supremacists. It’s racist, bigoted, close minded, nauseating really.
October 23, 2019
If John Waters had decided to write a vampire novel, the resulting output would have been Fat White Vampire Blues. Reading this book is like experiencing a fever dream, and it’s a wild ride from start to finish.
July 31, 2018
a vampire retelling for A Confederacy of Dunces very, very badly done.
June 16, 2019
Terrible!
December 10, 2019
A funny, quick read worth your time. I'd love more from this series.
Want to read
July 19, 2020elibrary
January 31, 2021
Very dark...
And absolutely hilarious
And absolutely hilarious
March 26, 2022
This book is definitely terrific. I highly recommend.
September 9, 2023
This was...yeah. there were some interesting and funny parts. But there were also some cringey parts and some slow, boring parts. And the main character was hard to root for.
October 14, 2011
Я знаю, что вы читали “Интервью с вампиром”. Я уверен, что вы знаете кто такой Вампир Лестат. Я ощущаю как всеми фибрами своей души вы хотите очутиться на темных улицах Нового Орлеана. Забудьте. Откажитесь от своих ложных иллюзий. Поберегите свое собственное здоровье. Потому что Новый Орлеан проклят. Проклят и обречен. Уже много лет он считается тем самым городом, где живут Самые Толстые Американцы.
Сто лет назад Жюль Дюшон был высоким худым красавцем. Молодым вампиром, у которого было много амбиций и блестящих планов на будущее. Он многого хотел и многое пытался сделать. Например, в годы войны пробовал быть настоящим Бэтменом. Каждую ночь бегал по крышам в странном бордовом костюме и боролся с происками фашистских шпионов. Даже настоящего Робина себе нашел. Нашел и сделал из него еще одного бессмертного вампира,
Но с тех пор многое изменилось. С тех пор в Новом Орлеане хорошо живут только древние бессмертные аристократы, которые давно устроили для себя специальные скотобойни по выведению доноров-олигофренов. Таким изгоям как Дюшон эти доноры не светят. Таким изгоям как Дюшон приходится жрать набитых холестерином новоорлеанцев. Быстро жрать и медленно жиреть. Сейчас в Дюшоне двести кило, и он уже не в состоянии подняться в воздух после трансформации в нетопыря. Именно поэтому борьба с лишним весом уже давно стала главным смыслом в его занудной бессмертной жизни.
Хотя, нет. Теперь проблем стало гораздо больше. Теперь в Новом Орлеане появился новый вампир, который готов изменить в этом городе все. Это чернокожий бандит, готовый заполонить весь город левым смертоносным героином. Раньше его звали Эльдо Радо, а теперь зовут не иначе как Мэлис Икс. И по непонятной причине у него какие-то серьезные счеты лично к мистеру Жюлю Дюшону. Что остается ему делать в подобной ситуации? Бежать из города, учить кунфу или же обращать в вампиров первую же толпу скинхедов? Дюшон не знает. За последнее время он уже разучился думать и принимать решения…
Наблюдение номер один. Если писательница-женщина, приступая к книге о вампирах, почти наверняка напишет слюнявое мыло, то писатель-мужчина, оказавшись на той же самой игровой площадке, всегда считает своим долгом в первую очередь опустить бедных кровососов и смешать их с говном, пусть даже в формате обычной бородатой шутки. И это правильно. Каждый самец должен метить свою территорию, и если слон не в состоянии достойно ответить моське, то в таком случае она получает полное право всю дорогу бежать за гигантом и кусать его за яйца.
Наблюдение номер два. Если писатель или писательница задумали написать про вампиров не один роман, а два или больше, то это значит лишь одно – оригинальных идей у этого креативщика ноль. При этом чем больше книг – тем меньше идей. Проверено Минздравом.
Наблюдение номер три. На этот раз по теме. Роман “Блюз толстого белого вампира” написан вроде бы мужчиной и вроде бы в единственном экземпляре. Последний факт, наверное, достоин серьезно сожаления, так как написан он довольно неплохо и весьма креативно. Хотя и с целым рядом небольших багов. Тех самых багов, которые обычно к третьему или четвертому роману сходят у любого писателя на ноль, оставляя читателя один на один с весьма приличным жанровым произведением. Но пока перед нами произведение, которое еще не определилось со своей жанровой идентификацией. С одной стороны, это юмористическая фантастика. С другой, все же нормальный, хотя и пародийный хардбойл в духе романов про гленкуковского Гаррета.
Посмотрите на героев. Каждый из них придуман, на первый взгляд, исключительно ради шутки, но при этом все равно нельзя сказать, что автору на них откровенно наплевать. Там, где тупые остряки типа Терри Пратчетта плодят штампы, штампы и еще раз штампы, дебютант Эндрю Фокс до безумия серьезен. Ему нравятся все эти вампиры. И скромный толстяк Дюшон (“Представляешь, я вчера трахнул собаку… “), и обратившая его стриптизерша Морин (“У меня гроб с комнату – есть чем днем заняться…”), и хитроумный трансвестит Даблдаг (“Этому меня научили в Тибете. Этому теперь научу тебя я…”) и особенно зажигательный негрила Малис Икс (“Пришел твой час! Последний раз ты сегодня отсосал у черного…”).
Сто лет назад Жюль Дюшон был высоким худым красавцем. Молодым вампиром, у которого было много амбиций и блестящих планов на будущее. Он многого хотел и многое пытался сделать. Например, в годы войны пробовал быть настоящим Бэтменом. Каждую ночь бегал по крышам в странном бордовом костюме и боролся с происками фашистских шпионов. Даже настоящего Робина себе нашел. Нашел и сделал из него еще одного бессмертного вампира,
Но с тех пор многое изменилось. С тех пор в Новом Орлеане хорошо живут только древние бессмертные аристократы, которые давно устроили для себя специальные скотобойни по выведению доноров-олигофренов. Таким изгоям как Дюшон эти доноры не светят. Таким изгоям как Дюшон приходится жрать набитых холестерином новоорлеанцев. Быстро жрать и медленно жиреть. Сейчас в Дюшоне двести кило, и он уже не в состоянии подняться в воздух после трансформации в нетопыря. Именно поэтому борьба с лишним весом уже давно стала главным смыслом в его занудной бессмертной жизни.
Хотя, нет. Теперь проблем стало гораздо больше. Теперь в Новом Орлеане появился новый вампир, который готов изменить в этом городе все. Это чернокожий бандит, готовый заполонить весь город левым смертоносным героином. Раньше его звали Эльдо Радо, а теперь зовут не иначе как Мэлис Икс. И по непонятной причине у него какие-то серьезные счеты лично к мистеру Жюлю Дюшону. Что остается ему делать в подобной ситуации? Бежать из города, учить кунфу или же обращать в вампиров первую же толпу скинхедов? Дюшон не знает. За последнее время он уже разучился думать и принимать решения…
Наблюдение номер один. Если писательница-женщина, приступая к книге о вампирах, почти наверняка напишет слюнявое мыло, то писатель-мужчина, оказавшись на той же самой игровой площадке, всегда считает своим долгом в первую очередь опустить бедных кровососов и смешать их с говном, пусть даже в формате обычной бородатой шутки. И это правильно. Каждый самец должен метить свою территорию, и если слон не в состоянии достойно ответить моське, то в таком случае она получает полное право всю дорогу бежать за гигантом и кусать его за яйца.
Наблюдение номер два. Если писатель или писательница задумали написать про вампиров не один роман, а два или больше, то это значит лишь одно – оригинальных идей у этого креативщика ноль. При этом чем больше книг – тем меньше идей. Проверено Минздравом.
Наблюдение номер три. На этот раз по теме. Роман “Блюз толстого белого вампира” написан вроде бы мужчиной и вроде бы в единственном экземпляре. Последний факт, наверное, достоин серьезно сожаления, так как написан он довольно неплохо и весьма креативно. Хотя и с целым рядом небольших багов. Тех самых багов, которые обычно к третьему или четвертому роману сходят у любого писателя на ноль, оставляя читателя один на один с весьма приличным жанровым произведением. Но пока перед нами произведение, которое еще не определилось со своей жанровой идентификацией. С одной стороны, это юмористическая фантастика. С другой, все же нормальный, хотя и пародийный хардбойл в духе романов про гленкуковского Гаррета.
Посмотрите на героев. Каждый из них придуман, на первый взгляд, исключительно ради шутки, но при этом все равно нельзя сказать, что автору на них откровенно наплевать. Там, где тупые остряки типа Терри Пратчетта плодят штампы, штампы и еще раз штампы, дебютант Эндрю Фокс до безумия серьезен. Ему нравятся все эти вампиры. И скромный толстяк Дюшон (“Представляешь, я вчера трахнул собаку… “), и обратившая его стриптизерша Морин (“У меня гроб с комнату – есть чем днем заняться…”), и хитроумный трансвестит Даблдаг (“Этому меня научили в Тибете. Этому теперь научу тебя я…”) и особенно зажигательный негрила Малис Икс (“Пришел твой час! Последний раз ты сегодня отсосал у черного…”).
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