What kind of life do you want for yourself? What choices will create this kind of life?
In his New York Times bestseller Happier, positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar taught us how to become happier through simple exercises.
Now, in Choose the Life You Want, he has a new, life-changing lesson to share: Drawing on the latest psychological research, Ben-Shahar shows how making the right choices—not the big, once-in-a-lifetime choices, but the countless small choices we make every day almost without noticing—has a direct, long-lasting impact on our happiness.
Every single moment is an opportunity to make a conscious choice for a happy and fulfilled life. Choose the Life You Want covers 101 such choices, complete with real-life stories, to help you identify and act on opportunities large and small.
Tal Ben-Shahar (Hebrew: טל בן-שחר, also known as Tal David Ben-Shachar) is an Israeli teacher and writer in the areas of positive psychology and leadership.
Tal Ben-Shahar taught at Harvard, where his classes on Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership were among the most popular courses in the University's history. Today Tal teaches at the Interdisciplinary Center, Herzliya.
Tal received his PhD in Organizational Behavior from Harvard University. His dissertation, completed in 2004, is titled "Restoring Self-Esteem's Self-Esteem: The Constructs of Dependent and Independent Competence and Worth." Additionally, he also holds a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) from Harvard in Philosophy and Psychology. His undergraduate thesis, completed in 1996, is titled "Honesty Pays: Bridging the Gap Between Moral Theory and Practice."
Tal consults and lectures around the world to executives in multi-national corporations, Fortune 500 companies, educational institutions, and the general public. Topics include leadership, education, ethics, happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, and mindfulness. He is the author of the international best sellers Happier and Being Happy, which have been translated into 25 languages.
Admittedly defensive caveat: This is not my normal sort of book selection. I tend to be leery and dismissive of self-help books, but the crazy title grabbed my attention while perusing GoodReads giveaways, and then I became intrigued by the substantial street creds of the author. Dr. Ben-Shahar teaches positive psychology at Harvard, and it is the most popular course they offer in terms of enrollment.
Each "chapter" is just 2 or 3 pages long, and there's not much text on each page. Chapters follow a consistent pattern: the title presents two alternative paths one might take (e.g., "Be Defensive - or - Be open to suggestions"; "Remain stuck - or - Change your perspective."). This is then followed by a) a short description and b) an illustration in the form of an example or parable.
This is a book meant to be absorbed in small doses - extremely small doses. The chapters may be pithy, but they provide a great deal to chew on during the course of a day. I digested three to five chapters per day, but I think just one per day is best.
Others reviewers have noted that some chapters are repetitive. I don't agree. While some chapters may touch upon the same aspect of life, they approach it from varying perspectives. They are similar, but not duplicates.
I shared a few of them along the way with my husband and agree with his observation that much of the wisdom being imparted is just common-sense, but 95% of the challenge of leading a happy life, I think, is being continually conscious, aware, and self-reflective of sensible truths. In order to make smart choices, one has to be aware that a choice exists - at the very moment that it counts. I believe this little tome can help one improve one's self-awareness. I don't know how long I'll stick with it, but I plan to put it by my bedside and take a moment over coffee each morning to review one "choice" to consider and carry with me as I experience the day. Will it make me a better or happier person? Ask me in a year. :-)
I want to read this book again and again so I don't forget the valuable advice I found on every page. I typically don't enjoy "self help" books but this book has been a joy to read and consider.
A really good read! Literally had 101 ideas on living a happier life by making small changes every day. Really enjoyed how short each suggested excerpt was, because it was easy to pick up and read a few in one sitting. Appreciated how it wasn't preachy or boring ( most self help books can be total snooze fests because the author just goes on about their own personal story, this one was not like that at all). Liked how the changes suggested are all things that we can do right now and in our own unique way. Would highly recommend this one to someone looking to dip their toe into the self help realm. This is probably the best one that I've read so far, and I've read a LOT over the last few years.
Choose the Life You Want by Tal Ben Shahar Fabulous book
Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar is one of the authorities on Positive Psychology. Author of a few extraordinary works, he had a course at Harvard that became the most popular ever. 1,400 students joined and that represents one in five, an exceptional percentage. You can check the lectures on YouTube. Some of the themes presented to his students are mentioned in this outstanding book. Examples, stories and references cover an extremely wide spectrum. We hear about Nikita Khrushchev and the teacher from the classic Dead Poets Society. Robin Williams in the title role steps on a desk in a memorable scene. He then invites his pupils to do the same. - Look around you - This is a very unusual point of view Tal Ben Shahar invites the readers to do the same. You need to try different perspectives. There are many personal experiences. One that comes to mind is his crossing of a bridge in Singapore, where he realized how fascinating everything is. The message being: - We need to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Learn from failure is one leitmotif that I recognized from the Harvard lectures. When I heard the professor saying: - I wish you fail more I was flabbergasted. How can he wish a thing like that? That is mean! But then he explained: - Learn to fail or fail to learn Those who do not fail, do not try and then they have no chance to learn. From the business world, he gives this example - One employee of a big company made a hugely expensive mistake, that cost over a million dollars. He went to his boss- I think a famous figure, but I do not have his name now- and said: - I know what I did, I expect you to fire me and I understand it. - Are you joking? I just invested over a million in your education and you think I am going to waste that. Go on with your job, but if you do the same mistake again I will let you go. Some quotes from the book will speak better that whatever I have to say about them.
„Be mindful of the wonder Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. —RACHEL CARSON Take a step back Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—this is not easy...Aristotle research by Daniel Gilbert demonstrates that people who shop on an empty stomach will buy more than will people who shop when they are satiated. Hungry shoppers overestimate how much they could eat, as they are feeling “hot” for food.”
IN THE MOVIE PAY IT FORWARD, a schoolteacher assigns his class the task of finding a way to bring about positive change in the world. Trevor, one of the students, decides to do three good deeds for others—three acts of randomkindness—and in return ask them to do three good deeds for three other people, who will be asked in return to do the same for others, and so on. If every person who has just been helped pays this help forward to three others, then within twenty-one rounds, everyone on earth would have been helped. The movie follows Trevor and shows how his acts create a positive ripple effect that touches numerous people whom he never meets in profound and meaningful ways.”
One of my favourite writers on positive psychology, Tal Ben-Shahar, has written another winner with this book. Ben-Shahar dispenses 101 nuggets of advice on how we can choose the life we want. Each nugget, about two to three pages, contain clear, eloquent strategies and advice. The only downside to the book is that with 101 bit of advice, some of them kind of overlap. I found that the best way to enjoy the book is to read it through, mark off those particulars chapters that have greater relevance, and return to them later to re-read them.
This book was written as an expanded list of 101 practical, mind-set choices we can make to increase our happiness. Most are nothing new— Rush to Give Advice or Listen with Empathy and Openness; Succumb to the Tedium or Find the Extraordinary in the Ordinary; Do What You Feel You Have to Do or Do What You Want to Do— but seeing them all in one place has a strange effect. Reading the entries was almost boring, and the advice seemed trite, and yet...
Somehow, holding a collective list of 101 pieces of practical life advice that we all know yet rarely follow made me really and truly wonder— Why? If we know all of this, (and I, for one, have heard them all, known them for years, and believe them to be true) why do we not take the blessed advice?!? Do we really, at our core, WANT to be miserable?
This book wasn’t the most profound book I’ve ever read but it has some thoughtful information. I related to almost all of the lessons and I was able to collect a fair amount of advice. This book reinforces that kindness matters, that it’s important to take time to care about yourself and others, and that the ability to make decisions is a gift.
It's a good book, but if you like me have read a lot of other books on self-improvement, then there's not much new things you find here. Still is is great to summarize what you've learnt and find inspiration for new things to try. It is a short, but inspiring read.
Another self-help book filled with mottos. I was truly disappointed as I had been following Tal Ben Shahar's work closely and expected something deeper. I did not even read it all, which is pretty unusual for me...
I was very disappointed with this book. The book is structured as many many ideas relayed quickly with small example stories. Because I had just finished "Pursuit of Perfect" by same author I couldn't help noticing the same stories repeating and the same ideas delivered in a less effective way. The rapid fire jumping from one idea to the next leads to a big lack of flow. Pursuit of Perfect excelled when relating material to authors experiences and own sense of wonder and learning. This created flow. The structure of this book sucks in comparison. So although I agree with many of the ideas and respect the author I think his other books are more worthy of a read and its hard to recommend this one.
Amazing!!! I will read this many times over & carry it with me. I took my time to appreciate and love the words of this book. To incorporate into my daily life. I wanted to use the lessons and appreciate the wisdom to the fullest. This is a wonderful book that I will cherish and highly recommend reading. *** Please note I received this book for free from Goodreads First-reads.
Accessible. Almost hokey is its style (first person then urban myrh sytle example) however its a great primer and I am goi g to give it to my tweens to read as I think they will get in and goodness knows I am already seeing that we could do wirh some self awareness and positive action to disciple self as we head into tbe teenage years...
Thanks for the book Goodreads. This is not something I ordinarily would have purchased, but I really enjoyed it. I really like the format in that there are actually 101 things and that they are listed out. Definitely worth a read if you are trying to better your life!
Choose The Life You Want is a profound book to help you live a better life. The information is clear, concise and wonderful. This is a book that you can read over and over.
The book is actually has a very simple message; you make the choices in your life. If you choose to be happy, you will find happiness in life. If you choose to be miserable, everything will be miserable. The message is something that we all know, but ignore. I agree with the offer in the introduction, this book is probably better to read as a chapter a day/week, rather than trying to read it as a novel.
I use a benchmark for gauging the “helpfulness quotient” of self-help books. If I scribble lots of notes on the sheet that serves as my bookmark, I know that it was worth my time. After finishing Ben-Shahar’s work, I had nearly 50 annotations. By comparison, I typically make a couple dozen notes. Suffice it to say that “Choose the Life You Want” was an excellent investment of time. I absolutely loved the author’s format. Each life-choice highlighted starts with a user-friendly nugget that starts with a thought-provoking quote and is typically summed up in a half-page. Ben-Shahar then offers a case study, anecdote or personal experience that illustrates the principle. He skillfully weaves in fables, idioms and psychological studies. This is the perfect book to have on a coffee table or nightstand for mini reading sessions that span 10 or 15 minutes. The book isn’t flawless. Three-quarters of the way through it, I had the nagging feeling that the author was struggling to get to the magical “101: number (I’ve never quite figured out why the number is magical). There’s definitely evidence of repetition as the book revisits themes like failure/mistakes multiple times. If I had been the editor, I would have likely urged the author to settle on the subtitle: “80 Small Choices That Will Change Your Life Forever.” But I’m nit-picking, because this book is jammed with news-you-can-use insights and reminders. In fact, this review will be among my longest, because I want to put in writing for myself some of the life-lessons. In reviewing my chicken-scratch here are 17 life-lessons that I’m going to try to remember: -- A recipe for slaying procrastination: Practice the “five-minute takeoff.” Simply put, start doing the task you’ve been putting off, no matter how little you feel like doing it. I’ve put this tip to use three times within the past week. This one principle alone has made reading the book worthwhile! -- Make wise use of short “happiness-boosters.” These are bite-sized activities that elevate our moods. If you’re feeling “depleted” or depressed, take that 10-minute walk or listen to your favorite music – even if it seems at the time like you should be putting your nose to the proverbial grindstone. -- No matter how busy you are, make play part of your daily life. Play makes us more resilient, creative and healthy. -- When you’re worrying about something, ask yourself if it’s serving a useful purpose. If it does, then take action! If not, move on. As Leo Buscaglia said, “Worry never rubs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. -- Savor the present. As Emily Dickinson once wrote, “Forever is composed of nows.” Also, try to find the exciting and fascinating in day-to-day routines – just as a young child might view things. “Find the novel and exciting in our routines.” And Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way: “The invaluable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” -- Being obsessed with finding happiness can contribute to unhappiness. -- Make others feel good (a theme hit upon a few times). The desire or flaunt or intelligence or ability to boost our self-esteem can come at the expense of others who might feel inferior or hurt. -- It’s the journey that really matters in the end. Instead of obsessing about the outcome, focus as much as possible on the process of arriving at the outcome. -- Appreciate the good in our lives, and the good grows. Keep a Gratitude Journal as a reminder of those things – sometimes even small, simple things – that contribute to a higher level of well-being. -- Perceive hardships as fleeting/temporary. “This, too, shall pass.” -- “Lucky” people create luck by changing their usual routines. These changes boost the likelihood that they’ll encounter meaningful opportunities. -- 95% of our emotions are determined by how we interpret events. Be a “benefit-finder.” -- Have a sense of humor. Business leader Jack Welch once said: “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble in the road.” Laughter can even alleviate pain and strengthen our immune systems! -- Don’t be afraid of failure. Embrace it and learn from it. The author reminds us that Thomas Edison held nearly 1,100 patents. He once proclaimed: “I failed my way to success.” Liberate yourself from the “tyranny of the fear of failure.” -- We don’t grow unless we take risks. Nudge yourself beyond your comfort zones. -- When you experience intense negative emotions (anger, jealousy, etc.), give yourself time to cool down. -- Appreciate friends. As Francis Bacon once said, “Friendship doubles joy and cuts grief in half.”
This is a book offering many small choices between the happier way to do things, and the more miserable way. The presumption is that if you make a number of the happier choices you will increase your sum total of happiness. Fundamentally, Ben-Shaher's point is that at any given moment you do have a choice, and in simply realizing that the key to avoiding a good deal of misery is to be found. Many of these small (and some not-so-small) items have rattled around social media for some time now, so few of these choices come as revelatory surprises. But the cumulative effect (if you could remember to do them all, or even some of them, in the heat of the moment) will surely be to encourage you to choose wisely and well and thereby increase your own joy in things like: treating your body with respect, savoring life, forgiving, being a benefit-finder, being present, appreciating the good, embracing silence, perceiving hardship as temporary, simplifying your life, being humble, having patience, and even that old nostrum, seeing the glass as half full.
If you are reading this book it is probably because you feel like you need it. I certainly did. I actually quite liked the format of this book, a little blurb and then a little anecdote. I tried to take notes and ask questions that came up from my reading. Quite frankly if you are familiar with mindfulness this book will not bring anything new, but it is certainly a nice little refresher.
I really appreciated the honesty of the author too. It is too easy to think that people who do his job for a living have it together, and maybe they do, but thing get rough for them too. It's nice to see that someone has gone through difficult times, made human errors and still found ways to practice what they preach
Each of the 101 chapters are written in a ‘do this’ or ‘do that’ kind of format pointing out that you have a choice in virtually every aspect of your day. The chapter titles set up the dichotomy, then a notable quote puts it in context, which is followed by a few short paragraphs explaining the dilemma and each chapter ends with a personal anecdote. There’s a lot of common sense reminders but it’s not preachy or over the top and it’s interesting to note the opposing choices in some situations. I especially liked the “Focus on the Outcome or Focus on the Process” and the “Take on More and More or Simplify Your Life” chapters. Full of good reminders of things I know but often fall prey to not practicing.
A book with 101 simple practices or reflections on how to see life and our behaviour differently and live a better life.
Loved those practices I could relate with principles from Stoicsm, Buddhism, while having them written in a really easy-to-read way, the author sharing his own personal experiences but also often documented with references to scientific sources.
Each principle is short, 2-3 pages, so I liked to read one a day and take the time to reflect on it several times a day. Really nice in conjunction with meditation practice.
I wasn't expecting this book to be as good as it was, probably because the cover wasn't all that interesting. But as I was thumbing through it before actually reading it, I caught a glimpse of what lay ahead- some common sense advice on living a fulfilling, better life, and some very poignant short stories to back up the professor's reasoning. If you liked Chicken Soup for the Soul, you will like this one too... enjoy this with a steamy cup of tea or coffee, and feet up. It's worth owning.
Almost like a daily stoic kind of book about being more conscious and present.
A collection of very short notes about life’s choices and being more present. The book is similar to Daily Stoic - probably better don’t try to finish it as soon as possible.
I enjoyed Being Happy much more than this book. Nevertheless, it reminded me of how much better I can be if I make better, more conscious decisions everyday.
I won this book from the Goodreads first reads giveaway.
I enjoy self-help books, so I was excited about receiving it. I like that the chapters are short and straight to the point, and include a short story to drive the message home to the reader. I like to read a chapter or two a day to focus on the lesson. This is the kind of book I would reread and refer to specific chapters when needed.
Mindfullness really applied in everyday life. Pretty interesting and well written. I should remember to read it again from time to time, to fix some of its ideas in my mind.
THANKS TO NETGALLEY AND THE EXPERIMENT FOR THE PREVIEW
This book should be called 'Positive Psychology for Dummies'. It's so superficial and basic that I had to double check it was really for adults. I'd say it's in the line of 'Don't sweat the small stuff.'
this really needs a 3.5 rating. I learned a lot, highlighted a lot, but would be better absorbed if read one chapter at a time (they are all short stories) so it would give the opportunity to absorb and apply.
Buen libro de autoayuda del que sacar muy buenos puntos de vista y consejos. Escrito en pequeños capítulos, es muy fácil de leer y, aunque escenifica demasiado el estilo de vida americano del triunfo y el fracaso, aporta elementos muy útiles para la vida cotidiana.