زن‌ها، مردها را از دست می‌دهند، چرا؟

by Jess McCann, مهراوه فیروز

ازدواج دلپذیرترین موهبتی است که ادیان الهی برای انسان به ارمغان آورده‌اند. در دنیای امروز تحت تأثیر فن‌آوری و پیشرفت‌های علمی و روان‌شناسی و... چنان دامنه ارتباطات گسترده شده است که نیاز به کسب دانش برای درک پیچیدگی‌های درونی، ویژگی‌های فردی، جزئیات روابط و واکنش‌های افراد به وضوح احساس می‌شود. بسیاری از جوانان به اطلاعات مفیدی درباره رمز و راز ازدواج نیاز دارند تا بتوانند اقبالی برای رسیدن به ازدواج داشته باشند.
جوانان هنگام ازدواج با پرسش‌های بیشماری مواجه می‌شوند که لازم است به آن‌ها پاسخ مناسبی داده شود. پرسش‌هایی نظیر: چگونه می‌توانند فرد مناسبی برای ازدواج بیابند؟ چگونه توجه مرد یا زنی را به سوی خود جلب کنند که به دلیل گذشته بد و رابطه‌ای نافرجام از ازدواج هراسانند؟ چه عواملی حلقه‌های ازدواج را می‌شکند؟ انجام چه رفتارهایی آنان را فردی دوست‌داشتنی یا تلخ جلوه می‌دهد؟ و...
باید درک کنیم تنها با یافتن یک فرد نمی‌توانیم به عشق برسیم، نمی‌توانیم افسار خوشبختی را به دست دیگران بسپاریم و منتظر بمانیم تا آنان این احساس را به ما ببخشند. با کسب دانش و آگاهی در این زمینه می‌توانیم کنترل امور را در دست بگیریم، زندگی مشترک را در مسیری مناسب هدایت کنیم و زندگی لذت‌بخش‌تری را تجربه نماییم.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction

184 pages

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[آزاده شریفی · Rating 4 out of 5]

لذت خوندن کتابی قبل نشر و به عنوان ویراستار غیرقابل توصیفه
...
احتمال می دادم از ویراستاری این کتاب که به هر حال روان شناسی طوره و اینا خجالت بکشم... ولی با این ذهن خسته کار دیگه ای ازم ساخته نبود
کتاب رو یک زن با تحربیاتی در فروشندگی نوشته و در اون فرایند پیدا کردن فرد مناسب و شکل دادن رابطه رو با فنون بازاریابی توضیح داده
برای من اول ارزشمنده که موج چاپ رمان های زرد و نارنجی داره جاشو میده به روان شناسی های این طوری...
و دیگر این که خوشحالم این کتاب های قانون زندگی و اینا که نمی دونم چه ژانری یه... داره میره به سمت عینی تر، واقعی تر و منطقی شدن... یعنی واقعا در زندگی و روابط کاربرد داره... به شدت از تکنیک های آبکی اون نسل اول این کتابا و نامه های احساسی و انرژی مثبت و منفی متنفر بودم... و کینه خاصی از قانون جذب دارم... همین که مخاطبین جهانی این کتابو پسندیدن نشون میده از اون ساده لوحی اولیه عبور کردن

پ.ن : دلم برای قسمتایی که تو ترجمه باید حذف شه می سوزه... چون حیفن و واقعا خوب نوشته شدن... به خصوص مبتلا به جامعه ما هم هستن
پ. ن یواشکی: عاشق استراتژی های ترجمه برای ماندن در حریم خطوط قرمزم... مثلا باید به جای دوست پسر و دوست دختر همه جا از نامزد استفاده شود و حاصلش می شود این:
آنها در طی سه سال چهاربار نامزد شدند و هربار نامزدی خود را به هم زدند و جیمی در یکی از این فاصله ها با مرد دیگری هم نامزد کرد
...
با هم بخندیم... به ویراستار نخندیم... به مترجم هم... به فول علما مجبورن/ مجبوریم... می فهمین؟!

[Hanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

خودمم نميدونم چرا كتابي با اين مضمون رو خوندم! شايد چون تو فيديبو رايگان بود !😅
كل مفهوم كتاب اين بود كه هرچي به مرد ها بي توجهي كنيد علاقه شون نسبت به شما بيشتر ميشه!! 😶
روش هايي كه براي بازاريابي و فروشندگي گفته بود خيلي كارامدتر بود تا روش هاي ازدواج!

[Shima Mahmoudi · Rating 3 out of 5]

حقیقتش تنها علتی که سمتش رفتم این بود که از کتابهایی با این مدل عنوان بدم میاد و در کتابهایی مثل نیمه تاریک وجود میگه اگر مساله ای بی دلیل اذیتتون می کنه حتما علتی در درونتون وجود داره.
به کتاب سه ستاره دادم چون اونقدرها که فکر می کردم پرت و پلا نگفته بود. نمیگم حرف جدیدی داشت اما حرفهای کهنه همیشگی هم نبود.
در حد یه مطالعه سبک وقت خستگی خوبه بیشتر انرژی نذارین

[Gemini · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy shit, like seriously, holy shit. Where has this book been all my life? It took my 3 days to read it since I really couldn't put it down. I can't believe I didn't realize all the things in this book that I should have been aware of. I feel like such an idiot & am so upset at how I have sabatoged most of my relationships. You really need to get this book & I am not saying that it's the only thing that will work but this really just makes alot of sense. I wasn't really expectingmuch but the more I read the more it made me think of all the things I have done that were exactly what drove guys away. Damn it. Well I guess it's better to learn later in life than not at all. This book was such an eye opener that I can hopefully utilize some of the tricks in this book in order to be more aware of all the do's & don't's that I should have known about all these years. I am so glad that she wrote it, so I can not just read it, but learn from it. This is simply one of those books you don't want to miss out on.

[Serena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jess McCann's You Lost Him at Hello is part of a TLC Book Tour and I want to thank TLC and Jess McCann for sending along the book for my review.

Despite being married myself, this book has some great advice about how to embrace yourself and become confident--know your product and learn how to sell it. In the dating world, confidence is everything, even if you don't feel confident all the time. McCann lays the groundwork for each single woman in this book, seeking to provide practical applications of sales techniques in the dating world.

The best part of this book is the personal stories of her own dating snafus and those of her friends. These tidbits bring the practical advice to the forefront, detailing how the techniques can be applied to improve each woman's dating life. While a lot of self-help books talk about making drastic changes to your routines and lifestyles in many instances, McCann offers some small steps you can take to get results. Check out Adventures of Wanderlust's post to see how small changes worked for her and her girlfriends.

Here are some main things to keep in mind, which may seem like common sense:

1. Know yourself and love yourself
2. Remain confident and share your opinions
3. Make eye contact and express interest in discussed topics, even those outside your comfort zone
4. Don't be a telemarketer of dating; you cannot convince a man to be interested if he isn't
5. Make yourself available and change up your routine to meet guys in a variety of places to prime the pump--keeping your options open until commitment is broached

This book provides personal stories, saleswoman insights, and tips on how you can change how you interact and attract men. My favorite icebreakers are on page 75:

That drink looks good, what is it? (don't most men drink beer?)
Didn't you go to my high school?

One of McCann's friends likes to ask guys if they've ever been waxed. Now that is one I certainly never would have thought to use.

While some of the advice in this book is common sense, other advice will help those who are still single and tired of playing games, getting dumped, and living in love limbo. There is some great insight into how to gauge men's interest from how they look at you, converse with you, and how they interact with women.

I highly recommend this book for women who want to change their dating outcomes and find a steady relationship that will fulfill them and make them happy. I also think that this book has wider applications for women, teaching them how to become confident and skilled at engaging others in conversation not only on dates, but in friendships and the business arena. McCann does an excellent job of weaving advice into personalized experiences to engage the reader and help her own the lessons inside these pages.

[Mimma Y · Rating 3 out of 5]

buku yg isinya tips2 buat dapetin "a man" buat cewe gitu
uniknya karena jess sendiri adalah seorang saleswoman, jadi menurut dia...trik2 di marketing bisa juga digunain buat dapetin "a man" gitu..produknya ya tidak lain tidak bukan adalah diri kita sendiri...
tips2nya sendiri lucu : mulai dari SEE (smile, eye concact, energy) and KISS (keep it short n simple), mengakhiri ditengah impuls, teori cermin (mirroring), prinsip Jones (hehe), bacanya jadi bermakna ganda...antara belajar menjadi marketing sama how to get a man :)

[الناز ی · Rating 1 out of 5]

استراتژی دقیقا تا کی آخه ؟!

[شیلا · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتاب نثر روان و ساده ای داشت. با مثالهای ملموس ارتباط خواننده با مفاهیم حفظ میشد.
از خوندنش لذت بردم. 🙂

[Mai · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have read lots of dating and relationship book but by far this is the best book I've ever read about dating ,it puts everything in perspective
From a saleswoman perspective ,jess offers some practical techniques that will help any single woman transform her love life

Update
Well, when I thought about it all the rules mentioned in this book ,it turned out to be just another book about following Rules that makes you try hard and pretend to be someone you are not. Simply you would be calculating every move and word and which would make you feel fake!
It's better to follow your heart and it will guide you to what you want
Some advices are common sense and really helpful but others just will backfire if you follow them!
Again follow your heart , plain and simple :)

[Kass · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved it , clinical but so true. I'm looking back on wins and losses that I and my friends experienced and now I can articulate where we went right or wrong. A must read for all single women who just don't know where they are going wrong or that they are doing it all wrong. I'm taking it all on board, my first step is to work on the way I dress, the easiest one. It is sad to see all my daggy tracksuits in the bag for the local op-shop, but the up-side is I feel no guilt about shopping for new clothes - it is for another good cause :)
Thanks, Jess.

[Unwisely · Rating 4 out of 5]

OK, I'm embarrassed to give a book of this sort four stars, but it's easily the best of the genre that I've read. Which, ok, I haven't read all that many, but I've read a few. Not necessarily by effectiveness (I admit I haven't tried it out, particularly), but by not being so patronizing I gagged. Also, she has stuff for pretty much every phase of a relationship, including getting one. So, comprehensive.

Some of it is familiar territory, but it's a fun read and well done.

[Andi M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book applies sales strategies to dating: things like creating urgency, filling one's funnel (stop laughing) and creating fear of loss. While I was tempted to scoff at first, now I'm pretty well sold. Imagine! There's nothing wrong with having a strategy, I say!

[Farnaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book changed my life <3

[Sandy Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some fun and realistic dating tricks for young ladies ;)

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can solve all my friends' relationships problems now. I feel as if this writer put all my thoughts into a book. Now I can tell people to read it instead of pining.

[Mahbube]

Excellent !

[Reza · Rating 4 out of 5]

شاید میخواست جمله"خودت نباش تا کنارت باشن!" رو بسط بده.
در کل کتاب خوبیه ولی به شرطی که کورکورانه ازش تقلید نشه.

[Phenomenon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man, what a book!!!!!!

[فاطمه بهروزفخر · Rating 2 out of 5]

این کتاب مناسب فرهنگ ایرانی-اسلامی ما نیست و به مسئله ازدواج و عشق به‌عنوان نوعی معامله نگاه می‌کنه. مثلا مسئله فداکاری، از خودگذشتگی و... در این کتاب جایی نداره و همه‌چی بر پایه داشتن سیاسته!

[Laleh · Rating 5 out of 5]

عالی بود. خیلی خوشم اومد. در اصل اصول از دست دادن و به دست آوردنه: توی فروش، توی روابط...

[Sima · Rating 5 out of 5]

توی این مدل کتاب ها به نظرم از بقیه یک سر و گردن جلوتر بود و کلیشه ای نبود و کاربردی بود مخصوصا مثالهایی که از بازاریابی میزد واقعا ملموس بود.

[Parisa Horjandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

👍👍

[Jackie Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in 2012 and it really shaped the next decade of dating for me and I still reference it when I give my single friends advice.

[Hamed · Rating 2 out of 5]

خط اندیشه ی اصلی نویسنده این است که تا جایی که می توانی احساس خود را به فرد روبرو نشان نده و بسیار سرد برخورد کن . این موضوع می تواند تا اندازه ای درست باشد ولی در فرهنگ ما چندان تاثیرگذار نیست.

[Jess Mccann · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do you call a woman that’s had six marriage proposals, been chased by billionaires, and has been pursued by pro athletes and celebrities? You’d probably call her lucky, but she’d just call herself a great saleswoman.

After being dumped, stood up, and left in relationship limbo, Jess McCann figured out how to make every man want her. She applied the same techniques used in professional sales calls to the dating arena. “My friends were always complaining about not meeting anyone.” McCann says. “But they weren’t DOING anything to help the situation. In sales, you have to prospect. In dating, you must do the same.”

In her new book, “You Lost Him at Hello” McCann teaches women how to find a guy, pique his interest, and build rapport the same way she does with customers. “Always end your date at the Height of Impulse. If I were with a customer, and I stayed and talked too long about my product, they would lose interest. If women stay too long on a date, the man will lose interest too.”

Some skeptics question the books teachings, claiming that if you manipulate someone into liking you, you will eventually be found out. But McCann remains confident, and adamant about her strategy. “I’m not trying to change who a woman is, I am just trying to change how she dates. Perception is reality in dating, and people make quick judgments. In order to present yourself accurately, you need to know the fundamentals of sales.”

Other techniques found in the book include:
* Filling your Funnel – dating 3-4 men at a time because only one will work out.
* Use the SEE factor –Smile, Eye Contact, Energy, to be approached while you’re out
* Hold Back your Bullets—from kissing to sex
* Use the KISS principle—Keep it short and simple, to avoid verbal vomit on dates.

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are single and tired of dating the wrong guy this book is for you. I enjoyed the book even though I am not single and looking for a man. The reason I enjoyed the book is because it made me think about the way I act around people whether men or women. I also started to pay attention to the way I act around people. There are parts of the book that I can see also helping you out if you are married.

This book is written by a sales woman, Jess McCann. She has taken the rules for making a sale and has used the techniques to get dates. Some of the things she talks about are knowing your product, love your product, packaging your product. The product in this book is you.

The SEE factor does work. It stands for Smile. Eye contact. Energy. Just try it when you are walking down the street or in the mall. See a guy whether he would be someone you really liked just look at him make eye contact smile with energy, then watch for the reaction.

Jess also dishes on her friends and explains what some of them do wrong. That made the book more real and not just a person trying to tell you something that they haven't tried themselves.

I rate this book 3 1/2 stars out of 5.

[Negar · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب با متن کاملا روان نوشته شده و یک نگرش ساده و عامه ای رو به رابطه ی بین دختر ها و پسرها داره.نکات خوبی رو هم گفته که فکر می کنم یک بار خوندنش برای هر نفر خالی از لطف نباشه .
قطعا جز اون دسته از کتاب هایی قرار گرفته برام که به دیگران هم پیشنهادش کنم و به اطرافیانم هدیه اش بدم.
یک ستاره کم دادم چون مثال هایی که نویسنده ازش استفاده کرده انگار واقعی نیستند و فقط در جهت تایید حرف نویسنده اومدن...در کل کتاب مثال های زیادی هم آورده شده.البته شاید هم واقعا واقعی بوده باشند اا این حس به من دست داد

[Heidi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Great book in theory, but i feel like the author over does it in trying to make herself a "dating expert." She does a great job at making sure women know that the most stereotypical women's actions are going to drive men away with lots of examples from her friends and colleagues. I'm not much of a "self help" book reader but i was asked to do a review for my blog which will be up 12/18.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

embarrassed to admit that I read this. My mom gave it to me so I could use the sales technique in the workplace, not with men. It puts some things in perspective and allows me to voice a 3rd party opinion when telling some of my girlfriends that they are indeed idiots when it comes to men.

[Quarterlifelady · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the best-written book, but hilarious in theory. Theorizing dating always makes me laugh and intrigues me.