“Let me see if I've got this right,' said Vimes. 'Überwald is like this big suet pudding that everyone's suddenly noticed, and now with this coronation as an excuse we've all got to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to shovel as much on our plates as possible?'
'Your grasp of political reality is masterly, Vimes. You lack only the appropriate vocabulary.”
“Vetinari was throwing him amongst the wolves. And the dwarfs. And the vampires. Vimes shuddered. And Vetinari never did anything without a reason.”
So His Grace, His Excellency, The Duke of Ankh; Commander Sir Samuel Vimes (aka my chosen Literary Husband) is being dispatched to the dangerous, faraway country of Überwald, where there is no Law, only The Lore, as Ambassador of Ankh-Morpork.
He is of course eager (ahem) and ready to "hand round the cucumber sandwiches like anything" and to get the hang of (or just to hang) diplomacy, but his policeman's nose and insticts tell him that something is rotten in the state of Überwald and it is not the hot baths.
“Well, he thought, so this is diplomacy. It's lying, only for a better class of people.”
First of all, the Scone of Stone, this most famous and priceless of dwarf bread, having seated the Low Kings of the Dwarfs for some fifteen hundred years, goes missing. The Low King cannot be Low King without this artifact under their bum.
The werewolves with their mad leader, Wolfgang, who happens to be Sgt. Angua's brother, are definitely up to something.
And where do the vampires, lead by the Lady Margolotta (and possibly former love interest of Lord Vetinari hmmm, hmmm) come into this picture?
Vimes has a lot to figure out while incidentally also running for his life and those of others, possibly.
And what has a cherry orchard with 3 spinsters got to do with it? Not much, admittedly, but I certainly appreciated the literary hint. And the humour and poignancy and Vimes, of course... I did tell you about.... yes, I did, didn't I? OK.
A great book in the Watch series (well, all books are great in the Watch series) and one I return to again and again with pleasure.
And Vimes meeting DEATH.. PRICELESS:
He took his hands off the oars and pulled in the mooring rope. If I make a couple of loops, he thought, I can strap the axe on to my back.
He had a mental picture of what could happen to a man who plunged into the cauldron below a waterfall with a sharp piece of metal attached to his body.
GOOD MORNING.
Vimes blinked. A tall dark robed figure was now sitting in the boat.
'Are you Death?'
IT'S THE SCYTHE, ISN'T IT? PEOPLE ALWAYS NOTICE THE SCYTHE.
'I'm going to die?'
POSSIBLY.
'Possibly? You turn up when people are possibly going to die?'
OH, YES. IT'S QUITE THE NEW THING. IT'S BECAUSE OF THE UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE.
'What's that?'
I'M NOT SURE.
'That's very helpful.”