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Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love
Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should "get over it already." But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 3, 2015
174 people are currently reading
506 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
July 9, 2021
Are you an exaholic? I am… but I didn’t know it was a thing until I read this book. After a breakup, much like a drug or an alcohol detox, there are often intense cravings for proximity or contact with the ex. Exaholics can’t stop these feelings and often make bad choices to get back with their ex’s. I thought a lot about what is wrong with me. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is really troubling. You can’t move on, you can’t stop stalking, in really down moments, you can’t stop going back to them. It feels like the wound just won’t heal for the longest time. I was thinking this is about my codependency issues, anxious attachment style… it still is.. but this book makes it so obviously clear.. and it needs to stop.
Wondering if you are an exaholic:
Signs You are an Exaholic:
You cannot stop thinking about your Ex, even though you want to
You fantasize about getting back together, even if you know the relationship was bad for you
You crave their love and approval, even through you know you don't want to care
You do things you know you shouldn't to maintain your connection to them (stalking them online, pumping friends for information, accepting “friends with benefits” arrangements).
You have intense and persistent feelings of anger, hurt, regret, guilt that don't get better with time.
Other relationships, even good ones, don't feel the Ex-shaped-void in your life
You feel like your friends and family don't understand why you feel the way you do
Your self-esteem has been damaged, and you feel ashamed that “you can't just get over it”
First 9 chapters of this book- I just kept on agreeing loudly. Yes! Exactly! That is what I did! Other people do this too!
I would like to share the help you get at the end of the book. Exaholism (here I created another word) can be fixed in 12 steps:
Step One - We acknowledge to ourselves and fellow members that we feel powerless over our thoughts and emotions about our ex, and we struggle daily in life as a result.
Step Two – We have come to believe that those in our support network, who share in our stress, are the ones to turn to for love and support
Step Three – We place our faith in this kindred network of unconditional support, and trust that with their support we have the power to heal and grow
Step Four – We begin to accept our support network as an integral part of our lives, allowing the love and acceptance we find here to help us heal and rebuild our strength.
Step Five – We use the feedback of our support network to help us develop a more complete understanding of who we are, and where we need to grow
Step Six- We resolve to become stronger, wiser, happier people as a result of what we learned from our past relationships, so that we might have more joyful and loving relationships in the future
Step Seven – We made the decision that we were ready to improve ourselves with the help of our support network and /or our inner wisdom.
Step Eight – We ask our support network to help us identify and remove all of our unhealthy relationship patterns, and we commit to practicing healthy new relationship skills with our network
Step Nine – Make a list of all the persons who our unhealthy relationship patterns have injured in the past, and who we must make amends to
Step Ten – Directly apologize and make amends to these persons except in cases where it might be injurious to them
Step Eleven – We continue our efforts to understand ourselves and admit our character flaws without delay. We continue to strengthen our relationships within our network
Step Twelve – Having had a spiritual rebirth through the practice of these steps, we present these healing steps to Exaholics who are in emotional pain.
There are online help groups for exaholics. Therapists specialized on us. After all: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go;
Oscar Wilde said wisely. Let’s not waste time on the ones that should bring happiness when they go.
Wondering if you are an exaholic:
Signs You are an Exaholic:
You cannot stop thinking about your Ex, even though you want to
You fantasize about getting back together, even if you know the relationship was bad for you
You crave their love and approval, even through you know you don't want to care
You do things you know you shouldn't to maintain your connection to them (stalking them online, pumping friends for information, accepting “friends with benefits” arrangements).
You have intense and persistent feelings of anger, hurt, regret, guilt that don't get better with time.
Other relationships, even good ones, don't feel the Ex-shaped-void in your life
You feel like your friends and family don't understand why you feel the way you do
Your self-esteem has been damaged, and you feel ashamed that “you can't just get over it”
First 9 chapters of this book- I just kept on agreeing loudly. Yes! Exactly! That is what I did! Other people do this too!
I would like to share the help you get at the end of the book. Exaholism (here I created another word) can be fixed in 12 steps:
Step One - We acknowledge to ourselves and fellow members that we feel powerless over our thoughts and emotions about our ex, and we struggle daily in life as a result.
Step Two – We have come to believe that those in our support network, who share in our stress, are the ones to turn to for love and support
Step Three – We place our faith in this kindred network of unconditional support, and trust that with their support we have the power to heal and grow
Step Four – We begin to accept our support network as an integral part of our lives, allowing the love and acceptance we find here to help us heal and rebuild our strength.
Step Five – We use the feedback of our support network to help us develop a more complete understanding of who we are, and where we need to grow
Step Six- We resolve to become stronger, wiser, happier people as a result of what we learned from our past relationships, so that we might have more joyful and loving relationships in the future
Step Seven – We made the decision that we were ready to improve ourselves with the help of our support network and /or our inner wisdom.
Step Eight – We ask our support network to help us identify and remove all of our unhealthy relationship patterns, and we commit to practicing healthy new relationship skills with our network
Step Nine – Make a list of all the persons who our unhealthy relationship patterns have injured in the past, and who we must make amends to
Step Ten – Directly apologize and make amends to these persons except in cases where it might be injurious to them
Step Eleven – We continue our efforts to understand ourselves and admit our character flaws without delay. We continue to strengthen our relationships within our network
Step Twelve – Having had a spiritual rebirth through the practice of these steps, we present these healing steps to Exaholics who are in emotional pain.
There are online help groups for exaholics. Therapists specialized on us. After all: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go;
Oscar Wilde said wisely. Let’s not waste time on the ones that should bring happiness when they go.
February 2, 2018
Boy, did I need this book 5 months ago. I’m not losing my mind! The intense roller coaster of emotions, obsessing over “what ifs” is normal. Even if you’re the one who ended the relationship, in many ways the relationship goes on in your head a long time. Direct and without insulting platitudes, this book gives reassurance and permission to mourn in your own unique way as crazy as it looks to others. Great practical and succinct description of mindfulness, btw. Those usually bore me to tears. Thank you for nailing this experience!!!!
August 2, 2018
Powerful.
This book goes into your brain on a breakup. The chemical and physical withdrawal that spirals your life out of control. I am fascinated with the brain and body in crisis and this book hits every nail on the head. This took me about 8 hours to read. Nothing was overlooked. Are you going through a bad breakup? Do you want to understand why and get better? Read this book.
This book goes into your brain on a breakup. The chemical and physical withdrawal that spirals your life out of control. I am fascinated with the brain and body in crisis and this book hits every nail on the head. This took me about 8 hours to read. Nothing was overlooked. Are you going through a bad breakup? Do you want to understand why and get better? Read this book.
April 25, 2019
Wow. I've never been so affected by a book before
Going through one of the most painful break ups in my life right now, and don't know where I'd be without this book. I even recommended it to the ex boyfriend.
Going through one of the most painful break ups in my life right now, and don't know where I'd be without this book. I even recommended it to the ex boyfriend.
Read
June 5, 2022self-conscious disclaimer is I am reading self-help books because I want my brain to wrinkle, but we're reading heavier scifi in book club so I don't want to read more capital-T theory. trying something new! other disclaimer is i chose this book because my therapist told me about it in 2020 and not because i am pining after my exes (though i suppose that this book is fully about not being ashamed if i am!)
i was very fascinated by the craft in this book! it's written in this overwrought fashion that's kinda fun to read. my favorite line was definitely "you pounce on any opportunity to win their affection, eager as an enthusiastic cocker spaniel hoping to win a cheese cube". the position this book takes is validation against the background radiation of shame or unacceptance -- it's validating the experiences of those who, weeks or months after a breakup, are still totally heartbroken to the point of dysfunction and their friends/family at this point are rolling their eyes and telling them to get over it and that they're overreacting. so i think this overdramatic language to describe the reader's internal turmoil is sort of fun, it's like taking their own internal angst and cranking it to twelve in this both validating and distancing way -- yes you feel like this, and i'm with you and it's not ridiculous in the "you suck and you should hate yourself way", but it is ridiculous in the soft self-deprecating gentle way. so it's cool how the tone itself is both accepting and still challenges the grief-ridden reader's worldview. it's also just kinda fun how easy self-help books are to read generally (i bet?? this is my first one), i guess they're like built to be very easy. flows like reading a comic-book but the text is trying to get your brain to wrinkle.
the other thing i really thought was quite sweet about this book is that part of it is written specifically for teens or is very validating about teen breakups. the takeaway the author asserts is that teen breakups are extremely traumatic too, and if your parents write off teen experiences like breakups as just "adolescent drama" they're wrong to do so.
i hated the science, inevitably. lots of evopsych about how you're Meant to bond with One(1) Partner for Survival Reasons and also that's why Mothers Specifically are Chemically Induced to Kill For Their Babies. or whatever. and like, fuck evopsych. that being said i think the approach of rationalizing or medicalizing grief -- which is fundamentally what is being described -- is helpful for the target audience. so for ex, instead of feeling shame/insanity/guilt for stalking your ex's facebook for hours, you can instead explain that behavior as some gobbledygook about how your brain is still addicted to the oxytocin or whatever and cannot distinguish between actually seeing them/being in the relationship and seeing their posts and you're just addictively taking hits. i know i am coming off dismissive of the actual science but i do think "your actions and decisions are not of a normal/healthy self when you are in grief and you need to extend yourself compassion about it" is not wild and the trappings of "it was the serotonin addiction!" is helpful and there isn't Not something physiological going on either.
an extension of this metaphor-collapsed-into-actuality of romantic grief as a form of addiction is that the final chapters of this book use specifically alcoholic anonymous' 12-step model to talk about overcoming this stage of breakup where you're stuck on your ex. i also thought this was pretty compelling because alongside the expected stuff like, realize you need to stop, reach out to a community of understanding friends/family/support groups, learn to accept/trust help from other safe people, etc. is a step where you reflect on how your "exaholism" hurt other ppl and then seek internal and external forgiveness, presumably an analogue to some step in AA's process. were you less available to your children because your divorce was so traumatic? did you neglect or strain your friends/family/self either in your grief or in your obsessions During your romantic relationship? did you let your own values/needs go unmet in your impulse to maintain connection with your ex? did you hurt or terrorize your ex during your grief-ridden rampages? i think this avenue would not have been explored if this book didn't take "love is literally an addiction" analogue, and i think it's a truly interesting one.
idk i've never read a self-help book before and like most assholes i just assume they're corny bullshit that i'm smarter than, and like there's definitely some corn and bullshit in this but i definitely walked away with a lot more respect for the genre. i think especially for teens going through their first major heartbreak this would ?? like i'd genuinely recommend it??
i was very fascinated by the craft in this book! it's written in this overwrought fashion that's kinda fun to read. my favorite line was definitely "you pounce on any opportunity to win their affection, eager as an enthusiastic cocker spaniel hoping to win a cheese cube". the position this book takes is validation against the background radiation of shame or unacceptance -- it's validating the experiences of those who, weeks or months after a breakup, are still totally heartbroken to the point of dysfunction and their friends/family at this point are rolling their eyes and telling them to get over it and that they're overreacting. so i think this overdramatic language to describe the reader's internal turmoil is sort of fun, it's like taking their own internal angst and cranking it to twelve in this both validating and distancing way -- yes you feel like this, and i'm with you and it's not ridiculous in the "you suck and you should hate yourself way", but it is ridiculous in the soft self-deprecating gentle way. so it's cool how the tone itself is both accepting and still challenges the grief-ridden reader's worldview. it's also just kinda fun how easy self-help books are to read generally (i bet?? this is my first one), i guess they're like built to be very easy. flows like reading a comic-book but the text is trying to get your brain to wrinkle.
the other thing i really thought was quite sweet about this book is that part of it is written specifically for teens or is very validating about teen breakups. the takeaway the author asserts is that teen breakups are extremely traumatic too, and if your parents write off teen experiences like breakups as just "adolescent drama" they're wrong to do so.
i hated the science, inevitably. lots of evopsych about how you're Meant to bond with One(1) Partner for Survival Reasons and also that's why Mothers Specifically are Chemically Induced to Kill For Their Babies. or whatever. and like, fuck evopsych. that being said i think the approach of rationalizing or medicalizing grief -- which is fundamentally what is being described -- is helpful for the target audience. so for ex, instead of feeling shame/insanity/guilt for stalking your ex's facebook for hours, you can instead explain that behavior as some gobbledygook about how your brain is still addicted to the oxytocin or whatever and cannot distinguish between actually seeing them/being in the relationship and seeing their posts and you're just addictively taking hits. i know i am coming off dismissive of the actual science but i do think "your actions and decisions are not of a normal/healthy self when you are in grief and you need to extend yourself compassion about it" is not wild and the trappings of "it was the serotonin addiction!" is helpful and there isn't Not something physiological going on either.
an extension of this metaphor-collapsed-into-actuality of romantic grief as a form of addiction is that the final chapters of this book use specifically alcoholic anonymous' 12-step model to talk about overcoming this stage of breakup where you're stuck on your ex. i also thought this was pretty compelling because alongside the expected stuff like, realize you need to stop, reach out to a community of understanding friends/family/support groups, learn to accept/trust help from other safe people, etc. is a step where you reflect on how your "exaholism" hurt other ppl and then seek internal and external forgiveness, presumably an analogue to some step in AA's process. were you less available to your children because your divorce was so traumatic? did you neglect or strain your friends/family/self either in your grief or in your obsessions During your romantic relationship? did you let your own values/needs go unmet in your impulse to maintain connection with your ex? did you hurt or terrorize your ex during your grief-ridden rampages? i think this avenue would not have been explored if this book didn't take "love is literally an addiction" analogue, and i think it's a truly interesting one.
idk i've never read a self-help book before and like most assholes i just assume they're corny bullshit that i'm smarter than, and like there's definitely some corn and bullshit in this but i definitely walked away with a lot more respect for the genre. i think especially for teens going through their first major heartbreak this would ?? like i'd genuinely recommend it??
May 9, 2022
tää nimi puistattaa yhä, mutta hyvä ja tarpeellinen kirja sydänsurujen perkaamiseen💭
March 30, 2020
Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex-Love by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
If you've been lingering too long on your feelings for an ex-flame, this book is for you. Dr. Bobby doesn't bring judgment, she offers some biological and psychological explanations for how the brain works-- for me, this was the real strength of the book. If people around you are saying "Get closure already!" or "It's been months, why can't you get over it?" then Bobby's years of counseling people will help you know that it's perfectly okay, and you're not alone. She also offers a 12-step plan, approaching relationship withdrawal symptoms the same way one would approach alcohol withdrawal. Some people are biologically more prone to attachment issues than others; each person is different.
I found the first part of the book cathartic, reading others experiences and emotions and reliving my own. Reading some paragraphs were like looking in a mirror, which was helpful. Right now, my greatest daily takeaway from this book is to keep bringing my thoughts to the present moment, rather than letting them linger in the past. If your ex has told you to move on, or is unavailable, then this book serves as a rational reminder to follow your ex's advice and stop hoping that "If I just did ____" then he/she would see me again. I could quibble over some of the length and editing of the book, but I definitely recommend it. 4.5 stars.
If you've been lingering too long on your feelings for an ex-flame, this book is for you. Dr. Bobby doesn't bring judgment, she offers some biological and psychological explanations for how the brain works-- for me, this was the real strength of the book. If people around you are saying "Get closure already!" or "It's been months, why can't you get over it?" then Bobby's years of counseling people will help you know that it's perfectly okay, and you're not alone. She also offers a 12-step plan, approaching relationship withdrawal symptoms the same way one would approach alcohol withdrawal. Some people are biologically more prone to attachment issues than others; each person is different.
I found the first part of the book cathartic, reading others experiences and emotions and reliving my own. Reading some paragraphs were like looking in a mirror, which was helpful. Right now, my greatest daily takeaway from this book is to keep bringing my thoughts to the present moment, rather than letting them linger in the past. If your ex has told you to move on, or is unavailable, then this book serves as a rational reminder to follow your ex's advice and stop hoping that "If I just did ____" then he/she would see me again. I could quibble over some of the length and editing of the book, but I definitely recommend it. 4.5 stars.
September 23, 2021
I got this book on a recommendation from a friend and I’m so glad I purchased it when I did. I bought it about a week after the break-up. I was dating a monkey-brancher, someone who wanted to cheat on me with a coworker, but couldn’t be honest with me about it and instead attacked my weight and told me he was never actually attracted to me, so I broke things off with him. However, I’m the one still left attached. It’s been 3 months after 8 years of being together and I still have the persistent anger, the thoughts of wanting to get back together, and my brain still searches from time to time for things I could have done better in the relationship that may have prevented this. But my white knuckle grip on him loosens a bit everyday. I’m still in the middle of this process, but this book has helped me a lot and I would recommend it to anyone who can’t stop thinking about that person-who-shall-not-be-named.
January 17, 2019
Excellent
Really goes into depth to explain the biological response of having one’s heart broken. Although I went through this two years ago, I still found it very helpful.
Really goes into depth to explain the biological response of having one’s heart broken. Although I went through this two years ago, I still found it very helpful.
July 16, 2024
Thank you! Being an Exaholic is not something I'm proud of but something I understand thanks to this book. I can now work on healing and prevention for the future!
September 5, 2023
If you are like me and your entire world and self view were completely shattered this year by an unexpected breakup of a long-term relationship, please do yourself a favor and read this book!
I have read a few breakup self help books this year...more than I care to admit but thanks to my Goodreads challenge they will be posted because I gotta hit that goal. While some are just downright trivial advice (self care, time heals all, its ok to grieve), Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby actually breaks down the science behind what happens in our brain and bodies as we go through a breakup. I have never felt so seen by a book and I cried tears of joy at knowing that I am 1.) not crazy and 2.) not alone in these thoughts and feelings.
This book actually described my breakup and my anxiety and feelings afterwards to a T. I am calling myself out by sharing this here but oh well. "This can be particularly true and especially agonizing for heterosexual women who have been in long-term partnerships extending into their thirties. A woman who dreams of a family but instead experiences a breakup at the age of thirty-two or thirty-three now has to deal with panic and anxiety about her hopes for her eventual family, as well as the despair, obsession, grief, and withdrawal that a relationship loss usually incites."
I've said it before and I will say it again, I wouldn't wish heartbreak on even my worst enemies but alas we all go through it and if you are like me and are in the unfortunate position of dealing with this trauma, this is a great book to help deal with those overwhelming amount of feelings.
I have read a few breakup self help books this year...more than I care to admit but thanks to my Goodreads challenge they will be posted because I gotta hit that goal. While some are just downright trivial advice (self care, time heals all, its ok to grieve), Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby actually breaks down the science behind what happens in our brain and bodies as we go through a breakup. I have never felt so seen by a book and I cried tears of joy at knowing that I am 1.) not crazy and 2.) not alone in these thoughts and feelings.
This book actually described my breakup and my anxiety and feelings afterwards to a T. I am calling myself out by sharing this here but oh well. "This can be particularly true and especially agonizing for heterosexual women who have been in long-term partnerships extending into their thirties. A woman who dreams of a family but instead experiences a breakup at the age of thirty-two or thirty-three now has to deal with panic and anxiety about her hopes for her eventual family, as well as the despair, obsession, grief, and withdrawal that a relationship loss usually incites."
I've said it before and I will say it again, I wouldn't wish heartbreak on even my worst enemies but alas we all go through it and if you are like me and are in the unfortunate position of dealing with this trauma, this is a great book to help deal with those overwhelming amount of feelings.
November 23, 2020
Powerful guide on the psychology of devastating breakups.
I'm incredulous that this book received so little publicity. Nonetheless, I'm glad I discovered this hidden gem. In Exaholics, the author combines neuroscience, psychology, sociology and common sense advice, providing a thorough examination of why some breakups are earth-shattering - and what to do about it. Dr. Bobby's friendly advice without sugarcoating the expected pain is truly helpful, and I felt like this book was literally written for me.
We've been conditioned to think that breakups comprise of a few days or weeks of ice cream, drinking and crying, followed by packing up you emotional and physical baggage and moving on. Doing this speedily with little drama is "normal." But it is not what usually happens when someone is losing a cherished relationship. "What is much more normal is ]that people go absolutely bananas when their primary attachment is breaking." It is normal, absolutely crushing but normal.
Being attached to an ex can truly be like an addition. We may even know he's bad for us but we persist. And when a relationship is threatened and we may lose our partner, the hormones released in our brain are the same as when we first fall in love, so we go back. The end of a relationship is devastating at any age, but at each life stage, there are some advantages to ending a relationship - in my case, mid-20s, it means that I'm free to continue searching among the many, many singles out there and not worry about the biological clock.
I'm incredulous that this book received so little publicity. Nonetheless, I'm glad I discovered this hidden gem. In Exaholics, the author combines neuroscience, psychology, sociology and common sense advice, providing a thorough examination of why some breakups are earth-shattering - and what to do about it. Dr. Bobby's friendly advice without sugarcoating the expected pain is truly helpful, and I felt like this book was literally written for me.
We've been conditioned to think that breakups comprise of a few days or weeks of ice cream, drinking and crying, followed by packing up you emotional and physical baggage and moving on. Doing this speedily with little drama is "normal." But it is not what usually happens when someone is losing a cherished relationship. "What is much more normal is ]that people go absolutely bananas when their primary attachment is breaking." It is normal, absolutely crushing but normal.
Being attached to an ex can truly be like an addition. We may even know he's bad for us but we persist. And when a relationship is threatened and we may lose our partner, the hormones released in our brain are the same as when we first fall in love, so we go back. The end of a relationship is devastating at any age, but at each life stage, there are some advantages to ending a relationship - in my case, mid-20s, it means that I'm free to continue searching among the many, many singles out there and not worry about the biological clock.
March 27, 2020
A solid breakup book. While nothing really “new” or earth shattering it is put together well and if you are going through a difficult breakup well worth the read/listen. It probably reaffirms what friends and family have told you regarding dealing the the wave of emotions you feel during this turbulent time.
For me, it was nice hearing from a professional the fact that infidelity is not a reflection of you, the betrayed, but the betrayer themselves. Friends were telling me that but it’s hard in the thick of it to understand it’s not your fault they cheated. Sure, you contributed to the demise of the relationship but they chose to cheat rather than work on the relationship or leave the relationship like an adult
For me, it was nice hearing from a professional the fact that infidelity is not a reflection of you, the betrayed, but the betrayer themselves. Friends were telling me that but it’s hard in the thick of it to understand it’s not your fault they cheated. Sure, you contributed to the demise of the relationship but they chose to cheat rather than work on the relationship or leave the relationship like an adult
July 20, 2023
This book was a bit long and repetitive in places, but definitely worth a listen if you are lost in the pain of heartbreak. Whilst I feel it is largely (perhaps unintentionally) directed at heterosexual females, I still think it could help anyone who has been left behind by their partner and feels lost and broken. I like that a small section includes the author turning the mirror towards you the reader, it’s possibly the hardest part to admit that no one is perfect and you made mistakes too, and (probably) hurt your ex and others along the way. Tough thing to do but empowering. An all round good book, get your tissues ready and try it.
November 1, 2023
Breakups are tough. Possibly the hardest thing you’ve gone through to date (I know it is for me). This book serves as validation for what you’re feeling (made me feel seen when I needed it most) and provides information on the science of love, and — using principles from 12-step programs — it guides you through the recovery process so you don’t have to stumble through it alone or feel crazy. There’s a ton of good advice for all kinds of situations. Highly recommend for when life throws you a gnarly curveball that lands squarely on your heart and shatters your world.
October 21, 2020
This book blessed me....
This book is amazing. I feel like it was truly meant for me to read it. I have been trying to understand and explain what I am going through to others and have been unsuccessful until I read this book. I literally feel like the author stepped inside of me and penned everything that I was unable to explain verbally. I feel like I’m going to get my breakthrough and break away with the help I have received from this book. Thank You Jesus!!!
This book is amazing. I feel like it was truly meant for me to read it. I have been trying to understand and explain what I am going through to others and have been unsuccessful until I read this book. I literally feel like the author stepped inside of me and penned everything that I was unable to explain verbally. I feel like I’m going to get my breakthrough and break away with the help I have received from this book. Thank You Jesus!!!
April 14, 2021
I didn’t really know you could actually be addicted to someone in the way you can other things but after reading this book, it makes sense. This book is really eye opening and helpful. Especially if you’re struggling to accept a relationship ending, this book will help you understand why it may seem so hard. This is a book I’m going to need to read on repeat for awhile because it’s packed with information and one reading isn’t enough to fully grasp everything in it.
May 11, 2023
This is a very good book for those in grief at the end of a relationship. The tone is down-to-earth, compassionate, and conversational. Obviously, this psychologist is highly knowledgeable on the topic from both her own experiences and those of her patients. It covers all the bases and does so very well. The “exaholic” title was a bit pithy sounding, but I’m so glad I gave it a chance. This is one of the better books on the topic I have read thus far!
May 7, 2022
Game-changer for me! The author explains how our previous attachment, as unhealthy as it may have been, forms an addiction at a fundamental, brain level. Our need for attachment, come what may, is biological and is very strong! It is an addiction, like the other kinds, except this one is vital for propagation of the species, so it is stronger, much more difficult to counter.
September 14, 2024
Loved this audiobook! Would highly recommend for anyone going through a break up who has identified that they have issues with attachment/ insecure attachment style. It’s a bit cheesy in places with the stories, but the support and practical guidance is fantastic. I loved that it spoke about the 12 step recovery too! It’s a good blend of science/ evolutionary theory and also emotional support.
February 3, 2025
I never expected that someone can write a book with description that exactly matches with my situation. I just broke up and I did many Compulsive things. I thought I am alone. But my behaviour representatives what people usually do after breakup. Hopefully I will be better. Thanks to the writer for this beautiful book
December 23, 2021
Love love LOVED this. Even if you’ve never been in a romantic relationship I would recommend reading this. It’s basically a guidebook on how not only to heal from a traumatic breakup but to understand the brain’s role in attachment and addiction. Can’t recommend it enough!
April 3, 2023
There are a lot of self-help books about all kinds of addictions - but I have never seen one about an addiction to a person. This is a very direct, hard-hitting book about what to do when you're having trouble getting over a broken relationship. It offers excellent advice without being judgmental.
October 1, 2023
AMAZING BOOK
I had such a great time reading this book. It was so inspirational and helpful for me. Highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with a breakup/divorce/loss of a partner. 100/10
I had such a great time reading this book. It was so inspirational and helpful for me. Highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with a breakup/divorce/loss of a partner. 100/10
November 30, 2019
Troubling. Don't let my future-ex-girlfriend find this.
October 13, 2020
Helpful
I felt crazy for even wanting to read this, but during the course of reading I realized I needed it.
I felt crazy for even wanting to read this, but during the course of reading I realized I needed it.
February 16, 2021
some good shit!
March 30, 2021
Excellent! Highly recommend.
April 26, 2021
Great insight to love and the effect on the brain and body.
January 18, 2022
Some good material to reflect on...
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