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My Daughter's Mum Part 1
My Daughters’ Mum—a first in a series of two essay collections—covers a range of essential subjects, from parenting and marriage, to faith and selfhood.
Knitting together a popular column in Mint Lounge, new writing and priceless handcrafted dialogues, the author describes her journey as the mother of three young daughters; as the wife of a man from a religious background unlike her own; and as an individual with dreams detached from the roles of wife and mother—here’s a wanderer, a feminist, a workplace goer.
Yet beyond the searingly personal, this is a memoir that tells us about an India that is fast transforming and where questions of identity and personal freedom are in dialogue with ideas of nationality. The candidness of the author’s voice, the gentle humour of fleeting narrative and the fragility of diary entries, photographs, collages and sketches will make My Daughters’ Mum resonate with every reader.
Knitting together a popular column in Mint Lounge, new writing and priceless handcrafted dialogues, the author describes her journey as the mother of three young daughters; as the wife of a man from a religious background unlike her own; and as an individual with dreams detached from the roles of wife and mother—here’s a wanderer, a feminist, a workplace goer.
Yet beyond the searingly personal, this is a memoir that tells us about an India that is fast transforming and where questions of identity and personal freedom are in dialogue with ideas of nationality. The candidness of the author’s voice, the gentle humour of fleeting narrative and the fragility of diary entries, photographs, collages and sketches will make My Daughters’ Mum resonate with every reader.
- GenresNonfictionParentingIndia
Paperback
Published September 11, 2017
14 people are currently reading
138 people want to read
About the author
Natasha Badhwar
5 books24 followersNatasha Badhwar was born in Ranchi, grew up in Kolkata and refused to accept Delhi as home for the next three decades. She began her career in broadcast journalism with New Delhi Television (NDTV) as the first female videographer in news television in India. She quit thirteen years later as vice president, training and development. She now works as an independent film-maker, media trainer and columnist. Natasha writes the popular column ‘My Daughters’ Mum’ in Mint Lounge. She lives in New Delhi with her husband and three daughters.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
October 14, 2017
Being a mother to a 6 year-old girl, I’m daunted by the task of introducing the “realities” of the world to my daughter. (She introduces the world to me sometimes, but that’s another story.) I want to caution her that the world is not safe, just or pleasant place. And at the same time I want to tell her to be brave and be limitless. That she can go forth and do anything she wants to. How do I help her reconcile these two conflicting issues when I myself can’t wrap my head around it? Natasha Badhwar’s “My Daughters’ Mum” offers some clues and tons of wisdom.
It’s a book for everyone who wants to live with happiness and hope, not just a book for mothers and daughters, women and sisters.
What it isn’t is a tome that shies away from sensitive, even harsh elements of our life and world. Badhwar is truthful – about her feelings, her failings, her relationships and tribulations. It takes courage to stand up, to talk about uncomfortable topics. “Vulnerability is not weakness,” she writes. And yet, it takes all the courage to admit to your vulnerabilities.
She doesn’t shy away from the issues of the external world – divisions, communal tensions, violence, rape. She writes about her daughter’s reaction to the gruesome 2012 Nirbhaya rape – “She’s four year old. Where does the fear come from?” How do you rationalize this monstrous world to a four year old without scarring them forever? In Badhwar’s voice, by carrying on the conversation, with candor and hope. And Badhwar’s voice is a balm; it soothes away the horror, the angst and the bitterness.
What is also striking about the book is the simplicity of language and of words. Badhwar creates music through simple words. And she’ll have you pondering over an articulately expressed thought. She’ll also floor you with her honesty. We’ve been conditioned to sweep things under the carpet, not admit to certain truths. “I cannot write about this,” she writes, “Yet, how can I not write about this.” It takes courage. (I’ve said that before, and I can’t say it enough) As she herself puts it, “You need permissions…to override the messages that you internalized while growing up.”
She opens herself to scrutiny – her inner self, her family, her relationship with her husband and all that makes her “her” – her work, her friends, her feminism and her friends. What jumps out is heart warming and nuanced and funny.
In her kids, she finds the key to unlocking her own emotions and boundaries. Her daughters sprout wisdom the way only kids can, and Badhwar has the power of observation to pick up these lessons. Indeed, all parents can be psychologists if they only listen.
“Giving without accepting anything in return embitters relationships.” She surmises, adding, “Somewhere in here is the meaning of life being handed to me on a platter.”
She talks about love and marriage and keeping the warmth in a manner that’s utterly romantic yet brutally honest. “Love is not efficient. It slows us down. Love is a decision – a choice you make again and again.”
She deals with the other elephant in the room, the “F” word – feminism – with equal grace. There is no angst here, just a firm determination, wisdom and hope. “Feminism seemed like another term for common sense. My feminism is powerful and happy.”
An author’s work reflects her own soul. You’ll find Badhwar’s eyes well up with tears when she talks about something that stirs her, and in the next moment she will smile. And that’s the path that she urges us to take – No, the world is not perfect, and you are not perfect, and it’s ok to feel less than ‘ok’ but we can all work towards “a gentler, more just world.”
A must read.
It’s a book for everyone who wants to live with happiness and hope, not just a book for mothers and daughters, women and sisters.
What it isn’t is a tome that shies away from sensitive, even harsh elements of our life and world. Badhwar is truthful – about her feelings, her failings, her relationships and tribulations. It takes courage to stand up, to talk about uncomfortable topics. “Vulnerability is not weakness,” she writes. And yet, it takes all the courage to admit to your vulnerabilities.
She doesn’t shy away from the issues of the external world – divisions, communal tensions, violence, rape. She writes about her daughter’s reaction to the gruesome 2012 Nirbhaya rape – “She’s four year old. Where does the fear come from?” How do you rationalize this monstrous world to a four year old without scarring them forever? In Badhwar’s voice, by carrying on the conversation, with candor and hope. And Badhwar’s voice is a balm; it soothes away the horror, the angst and the bitterness.
What is also striking about the book is the simplicity of language and of words. Badhwar creates music through simple words. And she’ll have you pondering over an articulately expressed thought. She’ll also floor you with her honesty. We’ve been conditioned to sweep things under the carpet, not admit to certain truths. “I cannot write about this,” she writes, “Yet, how can I not write about this.” It takes courage. (I’ve said that before, and I can’t say it enough) As she herself puts it, “You need permissions…to override the messages that you internalized while growing up.”
She opens herself to scrutiny – her inner self, her family, her relationship with her husband and all that makes her “her” – her work, her friends, her feminism and her friends. What jumps out is heart warming and nuanced and funny.
In her kids, she finds the key to unlocking her own emotions and boundaries. Her daughters sprout wisdom the way only kids can, and Badhwar has the power of observation to pick up these lessons. Indeed, all parents can be psychologists if they only listen.
“Giving without accepting anything in return embitters relationships.” She surmises, adding, “Somewhere in here is the meaning of life being handed to me on a platter.”
She talks about love and marriage and keeping the warmth in a manner that’s utterly romantic yet brutally honest. “Love is not efficient. It slows us down. Love is a decision – a choice you make again and again.”
She deals with the other elephant in the room, the “F” word – feminism – with equal grace. There is no angst here, just a firm determination, wisdom and hope. “Feminism seemed like another term for common sense. My feminism is powerful and happy.”
An author’s work reflects her own soul. You’ll find Badhwar’s eyes well up with tears when she talks about something that stirs her, and in the next moment she will smile. And that’s the path that she urges us to take – No, the world is not perfect, and you are not perfect, and it’s ok to feel less than ‘ok’ but we can all work towards “a gentler, more just world.”
A must read.
December 14, 2017
I heard of this book via an IVM podcast, which I enjoyed while driving to my office (link here: http://ivmpodcasts.com/the-seen-and-t... or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXfWy...) and I ordered this book the moment I opened my laptop to work. I was extremely curious about the book, because that's also how I feel about parenting. I didn't anticipate the roller coaster of emotions that reading this wonderful collection of essays would take me on. First of all, I yearn to befriend the author, Natasha. Or adopt her as an older sibling. I want to give her a huge hug for writing as beautifully as she does. For being so raw, so poignant, so adorable, so role-modelesque, so flawed and hence so human!
I was reading another book alongside this one, only realizing when I was midway of the other book, that, "Oh! with this read, I reach my GoodReads goal of 75 books for 2017!". No disrespect to the other one, but I just had to make my 75th a very special one, so I sat down on a fine Thursday morning, to finish this book. The essays left me with a lump in my throat and a smile tugging at my lips. I need to savor each essay individually, and I will shamelessly highlight favorite lines on my second read of this book. The chuckle-inducing conversation snippets that Nastasha captures as handwritten notes in between the essays are wonderful! I am actually very moved and emotional and hence less articulate than I should be. I can already think of some wonderful friends of mine whom I want to gift this book to. Because the book reminds me of difficult conversations we've had together, because we are at a point of entering the parenting stage of our lives, because we are Indian women who've asked the questions and been distraught with terrible cases we shouldn't ever forget (Nirbhaya), beacause as we've grown up, we've begun to deeply respect and acknowledge the role models we've had in our lives namely, our mothers, siblings, our fathers, our grandparents; and because I am increasingly emotional about the role my mother has played in my life and realizing how much I need to celebrate her in order to celebrate me. Oh gosh, I can't write anymore, this is making me very weepy! I am extremely indebted to this beautiful book.
I was reading another book alongside this one, only realizing when I was midway of the other book, that, "Oh! with this read, I reach my GoodReads goal of 75 books for 2017!". No disrespect to the other one, but I just had to make my 75th a very special one, so I sat down on a fine Thursday morning, to finish this book. The essays left me with a lump in my throat and a smile tugging at my lips. I need to savor each essay individually, and I will shamelessly highlight favorite lines on my second read of this book. The chuckle-inducing conversation snippets that Nastasha captures as handwritten notes in between the essays are wonderful! I am actually very moved and emotional and hence less articulate than I should be. I can already think of some wonderful friends of mine whom I want to gift this book to. Because the book reminds me of difficult conversations we've had together, because we are at a point of entering the parenting stage of our lives, because we are Indian women who've asked the questions and been distraught with terrible cases we shouldn't ever forget (Nirbhaya), beacause as we've grown up, we've begun to deeply respect and acknowledge the role models we've had in our lives namely, our mothers, siblings, our fathers, our grandparents; and because I am increasingly emotional about the role my mother has played in my life and realizing how much I need to celebrate her in order to celebrate me. Oh gosh, I can't write anymore, this is making me very weepy! I am extremely indebted to this beautiful book.
July 26, 2019
Real accounts of day in a life of a mother, a wife, a daughter. Heartfelt and personal, something you can relate to and take away.
January 6, 2018
This review was first published in The Era I Lived In. Please head to the blog for a detailed review with screenshots from the book.
To my utter delight, the book despite the title hinting it to be a book on parenting is a memoir, a collection of essays that plunges deep into Natasha’s life and views on everything that has been a part of her existence. Here, she introduces the readers to her parents, siblings, three daughters, maids, in-laws, her colleagues and everyone who has left a lasting impact on her.
From the moment I started reading this collection of personal essays, I got more and more comfortable with Natasha’s voice and couldn’t help but nod my way through every line.
In this memoir, while sharing memories of her life as a journalist and now a working from home mother, Natasha takes the reader through all the important aspects of modern life from an open-minded perspective. Not being judgemental and opting for the rational route is what makes her writing so appealing.
This is a book that every Indian woman, parent or not, can relate to. The simple yet impactful writing inspired me to read this rather fast-paced book in small bites over a span of two months. It left me with a feeling I’ll cherish for a long time.
Read the other details in the review on my blog.
To my utter delight, the book despite the title hinting it to be a book on parenting is a memoir, a collection of essays that plunges deep into Natasha’s life and views on everything that has been a part of her existence. Here, she introduces the readers to her parents, siblings, three daughters, maids, in-laws, her colleagues and everyone who has left a lasting impact on her.
From the moment I started reading this collection of personal essays, I got more and more comfortable with Natasha’s voice and couldn’t help but nod my way through every line.
In this memoir, while sharing memories of her life as a journalist and now a working from home mother, Natasha takes the reader through all the important aspects of modern life from an open-minded perspective. Not being judgemental and opting for the rational route is what makes her writing so appealing.
This is a book that every Indian woman, parent or not, can relate to. The simple yet impactful writing inspired me to read this rather fast-paced book in small bites over a span of two months. It left me with a feeling I’ll cherish for a long time.
Read the other details in the review on my blog.
August 18, 2018
This book was given to me by a friend and since I am not so much into parenting books I was little apprehensive about reading it. I always felt that as a parent you carve your own learning path..your ups and downs are distinct from others and they solely belong to you. You can never become a good parent just by reading books. However, since this book was highly recommended I decided to give it a try and I must say it was unputdownable. Each and every word resonated with me.. not only as a mother but also as an individual. To prove how beautifully this book has been written I would like to quote some lines from the book....‘I want to talk to the traveller in you - the maverick child and the errant adult who hasn’t run free for a while. Be by yourself, meet strangers, fall in love with life for a bit. Be wilful, be strange, do things that aren’t expected of you’. These lines are so simple and yet they convey a strong message to everyone especially the mothers who while doing best continue to doubt themselves and in that process sometimes forget the real ‘me’.
November 2, 2019
I have always been a huge fan of Natasha Badhwar. The book is a sort of collation of her columns, without really a story, a series of standalone chapters. But that doesn’t really matter at all, because to read Badhwar is to be gently and lovingly drawn to what is almost a magical world. Where children are children and where there is love and intelligence and freedom to make mistakes and live as you wish, challenging stereotypes and conventional wisdom. Where nothing is perfect but also everything is perfect. This is a salve to open wounds, written with so much grace and wit and honesty, that I would want to read some of this everyday, as some form of meditation or healing process. There is a lot on parenting, but also there is a whole lot more, all searingly insightful, in a distilled, spare way. Her words sing to you, her writing is a treasure, each line to be savoured and thought about.
November 29, 2017
I wasn't convinced of picking this one. I had read two people whom I follow rave about her work, which led me to pick this up on a long flight. I am so glad I did,her short pieces transported me to her life and those of her young girls. I wanted to be and imagine and write and parent like her. Her words about how she was determined not to mimic the things we inherited from our parents with our children echoes largely with me as it would with any other reader-parent.
Definitely modelling my own thoughts, responses and life goals after having read her. Pick it up to get a fresh, wholesome and richer perspective on life,family, career and travels.
Definitely modelling my own thoughts, responses and life goals after having read her. Pick it up to get a fresh, wholesome and richer perspective on life,family, career and travels.
February 5, 2020
A part dreamy and part poetic take on what it is to be a woman in India today with multiple diverse identities. Honest without being unkind to herself, Natasha shares a compelling portrait of her personal and professional life in broad strokes. The essays themselves are short but the journey it took her to reach those words has been long and she shares about it generously. I would recommend this to everyone, especially those who struggle with their idea of their selves and country and the reality of it and the long path of reconciling the two. Refreshing and inspiring :)
June 21, 2024
A book given to my by the Author herself, during our last class in college. This is a book about learning to live with and accept yourself while also accepting the truth and reality in those closest to us. This is a book which says that its okay for you to take the time and space that you need to figure yourself out and place yourself in this world.
It shows that perfection be it in our personal lives or in our professional endevours is a massively constructed myth and conflict and disagreement is a necessary part of life. A very pleasant introspective read!
It shows that perfection be it in our personal lives or in our professional endevours is a massively constructed myth and conflict and disagreement is a necessary part of life. A very pleasant introspective read!
June 22, 2019
I loved a blog by the author and ordered all her three books from Amazon. But all of them turned to be random ramblings about her life, without a structure, without thinking what is in it for the reader. I don't abandon books. But this one and the other two by the same author, I felt I could use that time much better in my life.
November 9, 2017
This book tugs at your heartstrings tight and strong.. You nod at Natasha being a mom, the daughter-in-law or the spouse.. whatever her role, she takes you along. What she writes, slides down as soulfood in you and you wish you could sit her down and listen to her write some more.
January 13, 2018
Even a million stars for this book will not be enough. This book is a cozy fire, a hug from mum, a naughty sister, a warm friend, a steaming cup of coffee, and all things loving. The book is of hope and reminds you, time and again, to choose to love and be loved, every time.
March 29, 2021
Okay so i am not gonna get deep into it but i liked it. It was okay but thought me a lot about parenting stuff. Me being a teenager i do not know nothing about parenting but gave me a hindsight. This is the first memoir i have ever read and it was okay.
November 18, 2017
The essays are like medicine, they will help you heal. Highly recommended.
September 29, 2019
Perhaps the best book I have read this year after Educated.
February 11, 2020
It's great in parts...but sometimes it feels a little haphazard and lazy. The style goes with the whole feel of the book but takes something away from the reading experience.
Read
July 10, 2021What a lovely read. A memoir without being preachy about parenthood. Loved it.
August 31, 2021
One of the best "candid experience/ memories " category book I have ever read . She taps on to the little emotions which only you know how important they are . Must must must read for every Empath .
November 21, 2022
More precisely a 3.7 ⭐ read
A book that definitely grew on me, as I moved from chapter to chapter.
A book that definitely grew on me, as I moved from chapter to chapter.
February 11, 2023
Funny, heartwarming and takes us through her journey of motherhood, marriage, dreams and career.
March 13, 2024
Amazing. This made me understand my mother and parenthood as a daughter.
I love the author's writing style and vulnerability
I love the author's writing style and vulnerability
January 27, 2019
My Daughters Mum by Natasha Badhwar is a collection of events and stories that vividly talks about marriage, parenting and the journey of self. Married to a man of a different religious background, she very soundly unholds that religion cannot define love.
Needless to say, this read can hug you deep as it makes you recall the moments when childhood purely was about enjoying the little things. The stories will take you back in time where innocence had overtaken all the malice prevailing now.
Needless to say, this read can hug you deep as it makes you recall the moments when childhood purely was about enjoying the little things. The stories will take you back in time where innocence had overtaken all the malice prevailing now.
March 3, 2023
Great collection of deeply reflective5 essays on family, children, spouses and much more placed in the context of post-partition India. Read it to understand how the personal is the political.
October 29, 2017
This book is a treasure. Like a secret diary of what we think about in are daily, often very mundane, lives. The narrative is short and easy - and it perhaps needs to be that way to give the readers time to savior and assimilate the deep thoughts disguised in such simple words.
The book is a compilation that systematically talks of all the things that surround us, it describes a life that seems idyllic at times - a simple life of simple pleasures.
There are times I felt the pieces felt sort of like a Facebook post - good to read but you know there is more than meets the eye. And that's actually ok and perhaps what made it a good read for me. I needed tempered reality and that's exactly what it is.
The book is a compilation that systematically talks of all the things that surround us, it describes a life that seems idyllic at times - a simple life of simple pleasures.
There are times I felt the pieces felt sort of like a Facebook post - good to read but you know there is more than meets the eye. And that's actually ok and perhaps what made it a good read for me. I needed tempered reality and that's exactly what it is.
January 27, 2023
Wanted to read Natasha Badhwar after listening to her on an Amit Varma podcast-- she'd given me a lot to chew on about juggling family dynamics and finding yourself. These essays touched on similar topics as the podcast and were so reflective and grounding at a time when I needed to be anchored. There's something so wholesome reading about everyday struggles and joys of raising a family in a fast-paced, tumultuous society.
October 3, 2017
Natasha's writing is raw, personal, genuine , kind and most importantly gives a ray of hope to go on with this wild life. Being a consistent stalker of her in social media, i have read most of this book online. But I couldn't help getting a copy of this book as her words were always close to my heart.
August 7, 2023
I picked this book after several years of letting it sit in my bookshelf. But, I can't believe I am saying it- it moved me, teared me and gave me the inspiration to write my own story. Thank you for your words, Natasha.
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September 7, 2019Gripping, easy and worth reading .
May 28, 2021
You collect your insignificant articles and publish them together. Viola, you are a published author!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews