What's colder than cold?
Avery's fifteenth birthday does not go as planned. Forget drivers licenses and cake. What awaits her is blood and heartache. But something snaps inside her. She shuts down. Grief became more, consuming. And then a switch flipped. Now she not only feels what is inside her, but everyone else, too. And joy of joys, she's in a mental health facility. So, all those emotions flying about? Yeah. Not good. But after 2 years, she's deemed stable, if not healed. Heading off to her Uncle's home means being a part of the world again. But can you do that from behind a wall? Without the wall to protect her, she'll crumble. But hiding behind the wall allows something else inside her to run loose. Something without emotions. Something hungry. Which is worse: crippling emotions or that awful hunger for others' emotions?
Beware, spoilers ahead!
Ok, that was weird. Avery goes from numb to almost diabolically evil to just a confused teenager with mercurial speed. Barely any transition, no real reason and barely a hiccup between them. I get the numb. Grief, fear, loss, got it. Bombarded by the mess at the facility. Ok, makes sense. But the evil that comes with the wall? Her mind didn't actually break. It's still whole. No mention of dark corners, pockets or anything else. Just that protective wall. The whole empath/wolf/dud thing is never properly explained, either. Why can empaths bond with wolves but not mate them? When clearly it has happened before? Jeff's kid, Avery, and there has to be others. And what is a dud? Non changing wolf? A null empath? Both? Confusing. What actually happened to the girl being abused at the facility by the guard? Why mention it if not to explain anything other than Avery's brief brush with violent tendencies? He never preyed on any others? Was the girl helped and transferred? Or killed? What? Grrr. The time skip at the end was odd, too. One minute Avery is going out to comfort Dean and then bam, 2 months have passed. And the neck mark? RH is 3 or more. So far she has 2 and the mark seems balanced and complete. The neck of someone 5' (or 5'1", they mention both) is a small area. I know this because I'm 5'1". Short of looking like it's a rune necklace running from shoulders to her ears, there's not many other places to add another. Kayden went from possessive to passive quickly. Dean healed amazingly fast for a guy who been more animal than man for that length of time. Are the hair colors supposed to be symbolic of their last names? Because this council of 6 is gonna look like a rainbow festival if so. Oh, and for people with animal abilities or senses they don't seem to "flavor" their world much. No color depths, no scents mentioned other than hers, no keen hearing, taste other than her inner comment about better food outside the facility. So much world building was left out. There's a lot of potential here. But, for fun, let's get into the typos. This one is my favorite:
"His five o'clock shadow tiring to turn into a full bread that makes him look older."
There's another about her fury, but spelled as furry. Ironic, considering they're wolves, but context lets you know it should have been fury as she was angry. There are other hysterical ones scattered around in there. But that full bread one had me rolling. A good edit, a little fleshing out, a slight change of focus and some serious world building could take this from ho-hum to hell yeah.