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Hate to Feel
Love is not patient, and it is not kind. It is envious, boastful, and proud. It dishonors others, and is self-seeking. It is easily angered, and keeps record of all wrongs. It delights in evil and recoils from the truth. It never protects, never trusts, never hopes, and, most importantly, it never perseveres. Love always fails. These are truths Derek Diver has yet to fully comprehend, but the time of his enlightenment is approaching. His lesson will be steeped in blood, and he will learn that love is the most violent force on Earth.
335 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 9, 2017
60 people are currently reading
961 people want to read
About the author
Chandler Morrison
19 books832 followersLittle is known about Chandler’s origins. He has claimed, on separate occasions, to be both from Helltown, California, and Cleveland, Ohio. To date, it is still unclear from which locale he actually hails. He currently resides in Los Angeles, but sightings of him are rare.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
March 10, 2021
A delightful love story indeed. This book has crossover characters with Dead Inside, which I loved. Superbly written. I’d read this dudes shopping list.
February 2, 2025
HATE TO FEEL [2017] By Chandler Morrison
My Review 5.0 Stars
I did not finish “Hate to Feel” until January 31st and the Buddy Read on Splatterpunk was well underway. But as someone said, when I wasn’t reading it, I wanted to be. This was my third novel penned by Morrison and it was as compulsively readable as the two previous works of his I had read. His sardonic wit is threaded through everything he writes, and his articulate descriptive prose style is comparable to that of a master story teller. It requires only one exposure to his writing to become shell-shocked by his uncompromising visceral assault on your senses. It is impossible for me to proceed without injecting a mention of his most popular and memorable horror cult classic “Dead Inside” [2020]. Astute readers of this earlier work “Hate to Feel” will not gloss over the author’s repeated descriptive phrase “dead inside”.
I have thought about it and come to the conclusion that you must read Morrison’s work to know what a phenomenal talent this unapologetic nihilistic crusader brings to the table. The horror community overall does not seem to formally acknowledge his unique contributions to the sub-genre of Extreme Horror. He is not just another horror writer rolling out graphic sex, torture, murder and mayhem with no other attributes beyond gratuitous gore.
“Hate to Feel” [2017] to many of us, myself included, is a novel we totally loved because it depicted extreme horror in spades and yet was infused with Morrison’s irresistible brand of what he refers to as “transgressive satire”. He would like for us to appreciate “the intricacy of language” and above all perhaps to appreciate his uncanny ability to recognize in his writing the truths about the human experience he is depicting so superlatively in the realm of his fictional characters. It is more than suggested that he feels that many readers do not comprehend his effective destruction of cultural mores in his works, using his irresistible transgressive satire. Depiction of aberrant behaviors in his novels are beyond the pail but he contends that they are allegorical. I would like a head count on how many fans of Morrison can truthfully say that when reading his character’s behaviors, such as Derek’s genesis and trajectory in “Hate to Feel”, that we were dwelling on its potential deeper meaning and its moral significance. Thank goodness, he also appreciates the fandom of readers akin to I would venture to say the majority of us. Chandler Morrison is an uncompromising master class writer who happens to be a prolific panhandler of perhaps some of the best Extreme Horror I have ever read.
But about the book…” Hate to Feel”. It was published on Valentine’s Day and Amazon has it categorized as “Romance Literary Fiction”. I wanted to inject a little levity. “Mom, I picked up this romance novel for you in the Literary Fiction section of the library”. I will concede that this book is ALL about love and so help me I can actually think of it as allegorical. The tip-off is the quotes the author opted to include before the attention-grabbing horrific Intro. My favorite quote was the Dostoyevsky: “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams”. I can remember exactly when that particular quote was relevant to Derek’s blind obsession with Scarlet. Morrison provides us with, in effect, an 8-Month window into the life and times of beautiful, blond, and privileged 21-year-old Derek Diver. There are relevant and revealing flashbacks which consist of Derek’s failures with his prior obsessions with the female sex dating back to age 12. Derek’s consistent blindness to the impossible nature of his choices is astonishing but ultimately a lesson in love that throws him headlong into a depressive state consisting of painful anguish. Derek is the quintessential example of “looking for love in all the wrong places”. His behavior and thoughts seem akin to a bipolar condition wherein he is an invincible lover with an almost unbearable desire and passion for “the one”, only to plummet from clear blue skies to the desolate reality of failure and loss.
This ebb and flow of intense emotions (“feelings”) leads him to long for what at first blush seems a state of anhedonia, but only in reverse. The wealthy young man does not have to work but opts to follow the rules he perceives that govern his actions. Derek is forever obsessing about doing “what is expected” (and with devastating disenchantment and loathing, in some instances, hating his co-workers). This is such an obvious “strike” at societal norms and the expectation that everyone follows the rules. The corporate structure of his self-inflicted employment situation additionally tortures him to the point of dreading the act of going in to work at all. Morrison is taking a “shot” at the monotonous conformity here. This is all revealed in one of Derek’s ruminations about the entire population of his existence:
“And nothing can pull me out of it. No one extends a hand. All the others are too busy casually splashing about in their wading pools, with no fear of drowning. Yet, here I am, drowning every day.”
Derek is experiencing vivid homicidal fantasies from the get-go, and we know that the appearance of new employee Scarlet, who is a remarkably young-looking 40 y/o, married with stepchildren, is an approaching storm on the horizon. Derek is doomed to descend into his familiar pattern of self-destruction with women. Subsequent to his callous cavalier disregard and dumping of his current girlfriend Amy, he has already given himself over to the dream of a perfect love with Scarlet. The passionate highs bring indescribable ecstasy, and the later light of reality is bright enough to blind him and the fall back to earth crushes his psyche irrevocably.
This is an incredibly entertaining story leading up to Derek Diver’s affair and breakup with the very last “the one” (Scarlet). I enjoyed the illustrative flashbacks. Similarly, Derek’s desperate search for something, anything to make him numb and incapable of his remaining cursed ability “to feel” is riveting and hilarious at times. He meets a handsome stranger at one such effort to quench his heartache, a “blind date” having been recommended by his close friend and boss Jack. This thread of the flashy dressing good looking stranger is interesting and more curious as the plot progresses.
Our handsome young blond first-person narrator ultimately finds the antidote to his horrid capacity “to feel” by giving in to one of his homicidal fantasies at the expense of three innocent young people doing dope and laughing. An apathetic Derek with a heart of stone is born, confident, unfeeling, and homicidal. This switch results in some sensational scenes of extreme horror and torture murders. But it was predictable that like a narcotic, the blissful numbing of his pain gradually ebbed as the time between the kills increased. In keeping with serial killers, the cooling off period gradually shortened. The intelligent Derek with his “3.2 Grade Point Average” was smart enough to know that it was not feasible to continue his copycat murders indefinitely.
The ending was exquisite. Morrison is an absolutely outstanding author, a wordsmith possessing an unapologetic prose style with some of the most disturbing content I have ever read. He is also a prolific author with many novels to his credit. I read his recent novel of irresistible transgressive satire “American Narcissus” [2024]. Looking forward to reading more of his earlier works. “Dead Inside” [2020], however, will likely never be equaled, even by its ingenious creator.
“HATE TO FEEL” FROM THE EARLY WORKS OF CHANDLER MORRIS IS A TERRIFIC READ
My Review 5.0 Stars
I did not finish “Hate to Feel” until January 31st and the Buddy Read on Splatterpunk was well underway. But as someone said, when I wasn’t reading it, I wanted to be. This was my third novel penned by Morrison and it was as compulsively readable as the two previous works of his I had read. His sardonic wit is threaded through everything he writes, and his articulate descriptive prose style is comparable to that of a master story teller. It requires only one exposure to his writing to become shell-shocked by his uncompromising visceral assault on your senses. It is impossible for me to proceed without injecting a mention of his most popular and memorable horror cult classic “Dead Inside” [2020]. Astute readers of this earlier work “Hate to Feel” will not gloss over the author’s repeated descriptive phrase “dead inside”.
I have thought about it and come to the conclusion that you must read Morrison’s work to know what a phenomenal talent this unapologetic nihilistic crusader brings to the table. The horror community overall does not seem to formally acknowledge his unique contributions to the sub-genre of Extreme Horror. He is not just another horror writer rolling out graphic sex, torture, murder and mayhem with no other attributes beyond gratuitous gore.
“Hate to Feel” [2017] to many of us, myself included, is a novel we totally loved because it depicted extreme horror in spades and yet was infused with Morrison’s irresistible brand of what he refers to as “transgressive satire”. He would like for us to appreciate “the intricacy of language” and above all perhaps to appreciate his uncanny ability to recognize in his writing the truths about the human experience he is depicting so superlatively in the realm of his fictional characters. It is more than suggested that he feels that many readers do not comprehend his effective destruction of cultural mores in his works, using his irresistible transgressive satire. Depiction of aberrant behaviors in his novels are beyond the pail but he contends that they are allegorical. I would like a head count on how many fans of Morrison can truthfully say that when reading his character’s behaviors, such as Derek’s genesis and trajectory in “Hate to Feel”, that we were dwelling on its potential deeper meaning and its moral significance. Thank goodness, he also appreciates the fandom of readers akin to I would venture to say the majority of us. Chandler Morrison is an uncompromising master class writer who happens to be a prolific panhandler of perhaps some of the best Extreme Horror I have ever read.
But about the book…” Hate to Feel”. It was published on Valentine’s Day and Amazon has it categorized as “Romance Literary Fiction”. I wanted to inject a little levity. “Mom, I picked up this romance novel for you in the Literary Fiction section of the library”. I will concede that this book is ALL about love and so help me I can actually think of it as allegorical. The tip-off is the quotes the author opted to include before the attention-grabbing horrific Intro. My favorite quote was the Dostoyevsky: “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams”. I can remember exactly when that particular quote was relevant to Derek’s blind obsession with Scarlet. Morrison provides us with, in effect, an 8-Month window into the life and times of beautiful, blond, and privileged 21-year-old Derek Diver. There are relevant and revealing flashbacks which consist of Derek’s failures with his prior obsessions with the female sex dating back to age 12. Derek’s consistent blindness to the impossible nature of his choices is astonishing but ultimately a lesson in love that throws him headlong into a depressive state consisting of painful anguish. Derek is the quintessential example of “looking for love in all the wrong places”. His behavior and thoughts seem akin to a bipolar condition wherein he is an invincible lover with an almost unbearable desire and passion for “the one”, only to plummet from clear blue skies to the desolate reality of failure and loss.
This ebb and flow of intense emotions (“feelings”) leads him to long for what at first blush seems a state of anhedonia, but only in reverse. The wealthy young man does not have to work but opts to follow the rules he perceives that govern his actions. Derek is forever obsessing about doing “what is expected” (and with devastating disenchantment and loathing, in some instances, hating his co-workers). This is such an obvious “strike” at societal norms and the expectation that everyone follows the rules. The corporate structure of his self-inflicted employment situation additionally tortures him to the point of dreading the act of going in to work at all. Morrison is taking a “shot” at the monotonous conformity here. This is all revealed in one of Derek’s ruminations about the entire population of his existence:
“And nothing can pull me out of it. No one extends a hand. All the others are too busy casually splashing about in their wading pools, with no fear of drowning. Yet, here I am, drowning every day.”
Derek is experiencing vivid homicidal fantasies from the get-go, and we know that the appearance of new employee Scarlet, who is a remarkably young-looking 40 y/o, married with stepchildren, is an approaching storm on the horizon. Derek is doomed to descend into his familiar pattern of self-destruction with women. Subsequent to his callous cavalier disregard and dumping of his current girlfriend Amy, he has already given himself over to the dream of a perfect love with Scarlet. The passionate highs bring indescribable ecstasy, and the later light of reality is bright enough to blind him and the fall back to earth crushes his psyche irrevocably.
This is an incredibly entertaining story leading up to Derek Diver’s affair and breakup with the very last “the one” (Scarlet). I enjoyed the illustrative flashbacks. Similarly, Derek’s desperate search for something, anything to make him numb and incapable of his remaining cursed ability “to feel” is riveting and hilarious at times. He meets a handsome stranger at one such effort to quench his heartache, a “blind date” having been recommended by his close friend and boss Jack. This thread of the flashy dressing good looking stranger is interesting and more curious as the plot progresses.
Our handsome young blond first-person narrator ultimately finds the antidote to his horrid capacity “to feel” by giving in to one of his homicidal fantasies at the expense of three innocent young people doing dope and laughing. An apathetic Derek with a heart of stone is born, confident, unfeeling, and homicidal. This switch results in some sensational scenes of extreme horror and torture murders. But it was predictable that like a narcotic, the blissful numbing of his pain gradually ebbed as the time between the kills increased. In keeping with serial killers, the cooling off period gradually shortened. The intelligent Derek with his “3.2 Grade Point Average” was smart enough to know that it was not feasible to continue his copycat murders indefinitely.
The ending was exquisite. Morrison is an absolutely outstanding author, a wordsmith possessing an unapologetic prose style with some of the most disturbing content I have ever read. He is also a prolific author with many novels to his credit. I read his recent novel of irresistible transgressive satire “American Narcissus” [2024]. Looking forward to reading more of his earlier works. “Dead Inside” [2020], however, will likely never be equaled, even by its ingenious creator.
“HATE TO FEEL” FROM THE EARLY WORKS OF CHANDLER MORRIS IS A TERRIFIC READ
September 24, 2022
Chandler Morrison is a genius, every book I read from him made me speechless. It's dark and brutal but the story is so well written, it's nihilist and always perfect.
April 24, 2021
Wow, OK, that was intensely brilliant. Loved the little nods to Dead Inside too. Drew me in completely and didn't let me go until the brilliantly brutal end! Loved it!
January 24, 2025
My first book by Chandler Morrison, dark and intense. I liked it. 3.5 stars. Been a few days since I finish it so struggle to write an review.
April 15, 2026
“There is nothing more awful and ruinous than love. In the end, it destroys us all. It always runs out. Even if you find someone who loves you back, and you abscond into a life of happiness, it will run out, sooner or later.The best you can hope for is that you die before it does.”
June 25, 2020
Oooohhh DAMN!
This is just 100% amazing. The author just pulls you right in, you can feel it all. So fun all the way through.. and then the end! Ahhhhhhh! Perfection.
The writing is top notch, I'm a huge fan of long sentences-so full of commas that by the end I'm left breathless. It's a marathon of words.
I give it a million stars.
This is just 100% amazing. The author just pulls you right in, you can feel it all. So fun all the way through.. and then the end! Ahhhhhhh! Perfection.
The writing is top notch, I'm a huge fan of long sentences-so full of commas that by the end I'm left breathless. It's a marathon of words.
I give it a million stars.
March 28, 2024
“Maybe existence is just something to be suffered, not relished.”
This book is SO GOOD. I think this is my new favorite of his. That says a lot because if you’ve seen me scream about Along the Path of Torment then you know how much I love that book. I feel as though I have become the unofficial spokesperson of Chandler Morrison recently with how much I’ve been shoving his books down everyone’s throats (not literally….well maybe sometimes). I feel as though I am qualified for that job though since I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA.
This book is about Derek who falls in love and becomes obsessed with a woman and experiences immense heartbreak following a breakup. He aims not to feel and the only way he can do that is by engaging in brutal violence. This book is an American Psycho-esque love story. The feelings and emotions in this book felt REAL. Morrison’s ability to write such deeply flawed characters that feel real and make you feel sorry for them despite them being horrible is unmatched. Parts of this book felt so incredibly relatable and like a punch to the gut. I truly can’t get over how well he writes.
This book gets crazier and crazier until it’s batshit insane gore and violence. It’s nihilist. It’s heartbreaking. It’s disgusting. It’s relatable. It’s perfect. It’s similar to the feeling of having a 3.2 GPA.
This book is SO GOOD. I think this is my new favorite of his. That says a lot because if you’ve seen me scream about Along the Path of Torment then you know how much I love that book. I feel as though I have become the unofficial spokesperson of Chandler Morrison recently with how much I’ve been shoving his books down everyone’s throats (not literally….well maybe sometimes). I feel as though I am qualified for that job though since I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA.
This book is about Derek who falls in love and becomes obsessed with a woman and experiences immense heartbreak following a breakup. He aims not to feel and the only way he can do that is by engaging in brutal violence. This book is an American Psycho-esque love story. The feelings and emotions in this book felt REAL. Morrison’s ability to write such deeply flawed characters that feel real and make you feel sorry for them despite them being horrible is unmatched. Parts of this book felt so incredibly relatable and like a punch to the gut. I truly can’t get over how well he writes.
This book gets crazier and crazier until it’s batshit insane gore and violence. It’s nihilist. It’s heartbreaking. It’s disgusting. It’s relatable. It’s perfect. It’s similar to the feeling of having a 3.2 GPA.
January 27, 2025
“The problem is emotion. It’s the dark, deep pool of swirling passion and sentimentality. That is the real issue. If that pool would just dry up, if I could somehow drain it, everything would be okay.”
Derek is tired of his mundane job, his mundane relationship and his mundane life, in general. An affair with a coworker may be just the thing he needs to jumpstart his emotions again. But when that ends horribly, Derek finds he can’t stop feeling and wishes all the pain, and even the joy, would just disappear. Then, one night, during a drunken stroll, he finds just the thing to make his emotions evaporate.
Chandler Morrison is one of the best voices in the Splatterpunk genre today. His prose is highly readable, relatable, and down-right gritty and grotesque. Here he gives us an unlikely narrator (for the genre) and slowly turns him into a monster of his own creation through circumstance and self-propulsion.
I was pleasantly surprised that some of the backstory read more like pitch-black dark romance and slowly morphed into the gore fest that we know and love from Morrison.
Derek meets a myriad of people along his path to immorality and each one plays a key role in molding him into the unholy fiend he was destined to become. All the characters are richly fleshed out and each harbor their own vile fantasies and fetishes.
It does take some time to really get into the slaughter and bloodshed, but it’s well worth the wait. Once Morrison gives Derek free rein to commit acts of violence, there is no turning back.
Even though the ending is mildly ambiguous (will he or won’t he), Hate to Feel is a love-to-homicide story you won’t want to pass up.
Derek is tired of his mundane job, his mundane relationship and his mundane life, in general. An affair with a coworker may be just the thing he needs to jumpstart his emotions again. But when that ends horribly, Derek finds he can’t stop feeling and wishes all the pain, and even the joy, would just disappear. Then, one night, during a drunken stroll, he finds just the thing to make his emotions evaporate.
Chandler Morrison is one of the best voices in the Splatterpunk genre today. His prose is highly readable, relatable, and down-right gritty and grotesque. Here he gives us an unlikely narrator (for the genre) and slowly turns him into a monster of his own creation through circumstance and self-propulsion.
I was pleasantly surprised that some of the backstory read more like pitch-black dark romance and slowly morphed into the gore fest that we know and love from Morrison.
Derek meets a myriad of people along his path to immorality and each one plays a key role in molding him into the unholy fiend he was destined to become. All the characters are richly fleshed out and each harbor their own vile fantasies and fetishes.
It does take some time to really get into the slaughter and bloodshed, but it’s well worth the wait. Once Morrison gives Derek free rein to commit acts of violence, there is no turning back.
Even though the ending is mildly ambiguous (will he or won’t he), Hate to Feel is a love-to-homicide story you won’t want to pass up.
September 24, 2022
“There is nothing more awful and ruinous than love. In the end, it ruins us all.” This is the story of Derek who can’t avoid heartbreak. He is good looking , rich, and smart. He’s developed an infatuation with a coworker. When things don’t quite work out Derek decides he no longer wants to feel. Morrison has once again created characters so detested you can’t help but pity them. I found myself asking who’s the real monster here? Derek or the people that created him .
July 17, 2021
Wow Chandler Morrison writes so well. This story is really awesome. Starts kinda slow, but it captures heartbreak so well. You feel a lot of emotions well reading the story. Then it gets really violent. Has some easter eggs from Dead Inside. Derek is a great main character. Liked the ending.
October 13, 2023
The lead up to this story kind of drags… but stick with it, (unless you are put off by gore and body horror, in which case, you have no business even considering a Chandler Morrison novel, what are you doing here? Lol.) it’s a slow burn.
Don’t let it persuade you, but I imagined the main character to look just like Ian Sommerhalder, and the object of his affection Kate Siegel (ok ok so I’m in a Flanagan kick.) Continue reading, maybe you’ll see it. Haha.
Egomaniac DEREK DIVER, “DATA REVIEW SPECIALIST, a pretentious, pseudo-Intellectual trust fund baby (he had a 3.2 GPA in high school, he’ll have you know) and entitled incel, is fed up with his job. Unhinged and driven by the gratification of escaping his intrusive thoughts regarding the object of his obsession and their falling out, Derek’s coping mechanisms are…unorthodox. From gardening and home improvement tools to kitchen implements and everything in between, no tool is off limits as Derek exhausts his catharsis on his everyday adversaries of recognizably negligible discretions and past slights with ubiquitous depravity. When you’re as resourceful and inventive as you are barbaric, just about ANY object can become murder weapon... and if you’re Chandler Morrison, not ONE of the aforementioned murder weapons is fully exempt from becoming a literary set piece.
“I’d read a newspaper article about a guy who’d committed suicide in a small apartment in Melvin, but before doing so, he had mutilated himself with a variety of household items until he was unrecognizable.” LOVED the literary call back to my all-time favorite gross out story from “Just to See Hell”, his collection of short stories, titled “In the Face”. Nicely done! Strategic placement! I guess Derek had SOME creative inspiration in addition to his own lascivious brainstorming….
I’m all for executive freedom in art…. But this book makes Morrison seem a little fat phobic and that’s just me being sincere. I’m not here to police that kind of thing, it’s just a recurrent theme I noticed in this particular work. Speaking of themes… I’m not sure what chandler’s obsession with hallmark movies is all about? Or his predilection toward self-mutilation/suicide to the tune of Enya, but…I suppose we all have our things, lol.
That said… when Derek breaks in to have a… tea party? (😆Haha) at the residence of Charissa, workplace gossip and object of his revulsion, that’s when the story REALLY takes off. Without spoiling too much… remember that bedroom scene in Terrifier 2? You keep thinking, “this couldn’t possibly keep going much longer or get any more fucked up than this, like…she’s gotta die at SOME point… the scene can’t go on forever” and yet, it somehow manages to continue on it’s journey from bad to beyond worse, seems to go on interminably? I guess I’d liken it to THAT scene, rivaling none other than David Howard Thornton’s UNPARALLELED performance as Art the Clown.
Three parts extreme horror, one part bizarro, and downright pornographic at times, Morrison leaves no stone unturned. Hate to Feel is a provocative and exploitative jaunt into the hellish imagination of a young and budding psychopath, rarely disputing its merits as anything besides, and in this regard it shines.
End of the review note, hand to my chest… SUPER ODD coincidence the author thinks of the hospital security guard (who’s name escapes me despite hours of internet searching, forgive me… I’m convinced that perhaps this was an intentional literary element on Morrison’s part as I reskimmed much of the book and couldn’t find any introduction to his character either…and perhaps we will find out in a sequel?! Or maybe it’s more sinister to know nothing of his identity…I guess I’ll be reading more Morrison to find out…)to look like Ian Sommerhalder, as I had imagined the main character to look like earlier in my review. I write my reviews AS I READ, and that was just fuckin WILD… but I’m glad we are thinking in the same regard casting wise! Lol (not that this could EVER make it to film… how would you rate that?!) Love that Morrison also pays homage to dead inside… easily one of my most fucked up reads of 2021. HOWEVER, I always thought the hospital security guard would look more like Bill Skarsgård with dark hair…. SCOUTS HONOR!
All-in-all… Delectably dis-tasteful. And I’m not “woke” enough that I can’t admit I enjoyed it. 4/5 stars.
Don’t let it persuade you, but I imagined the main character to look just like Ian Sommerhalder, and the object of his affection Kate Siegel (ok ok so I’m in a Flanagan kick.) Continue reading, maybe you’ll see it. Haha.
Egomaniac DEREK DIVER, “DATA REVIEW SPECIALIST, a pretentious, pseudo-Intellectual trust fund baby (he had a 3.2 GPA in high school, he’ll have you know) and entitled incel, is fed up with his job. Unhinged and driven by the gratification of escaping his intrusive thoughts regarding the object of his obsession and their falling out, Derek’s coping mechanisms are…unorthodox. From gardening and home improvement tools to kitchen implements and everything in between, no tool is off limits as Derek exhausts his catharsis on his everyday adversaries of recognizably negligible discretions and past slights with ubiquitous depravity. When you’re as resourceful and inventive as you are barbaric, just about ANY object can become murder weapon... and if you’re Chandler Morrison, not ONE of the aforementioned murder weapons is fully exempt from becoming a literary set piece.
“I’d read a newspaper article about a guy who’d committed suicide in a small apartment in Melvin, but before doing so, he had mutilated himself with a variety of household items until he was unrecognizable.” LOVED the literary call back to my all-time favorite gross out story from “Just to See Hell”, his collection of short stories, titled “In the Face”. Nicely done! Strategic placement! I guess Derek had SOME creative inspiration in addition to his own lascivious brainstorming….
I’m all for executive freedom in art…. But this book makes Morrison seem a little fat phobic and that’s just me being sincere. I’m not here to police that kind of thing, it’s just a recurrent theme I noticed in this particular work. Speaking of themes… I’m not sure what chandler’s obsession with hallmark movies is all about? Or his predilection toward self-mutilation/suicide to the tune of Enya, but…I suppose we all have our things, lol.
That said… when Derek breaks in to have a… tea party? (😆Haha) at the residence of Charissa, workplace gossip and object of his revulsion, that’s when the story REALLY takes off. Without spoiling too much… remember that bedroom scene in Terrifier 2? You keep thinking, “this couldn’t possibly keep going much longer or get any more fucked up than this, like…she’s gotta die at SOME point… the scene can’t go on forever” and yet, it somehow manages to continue on it’s journey from bad to beyond worse, seems to go on interminably? I guess I’d liken it to THAT scene, rivaling none other than David Howard Thornton’s UNPARALLELED performance as Art the Clown.
Three parts extreme horror, one part bizarro, and downright pornographic at times, Morrison leaves no stone unturned. Hate to Feel is a provocative and exploitative jaunt into the hellish imagination of a young and budding psychopath, rarely disputing its merits as anything besides, and in this regard it shines.
End of the review note, hand to my chest… SUPER ODD coincidence the author thinks of the hospital security guard (who’s name escapes me despite hours of internet searching, forgive me… I’m convinced that perhaps this was an intentional literary element on Morrison’s part as I reskimmed much of the book and couldn’t find any introduction to his character either…and perhaps we will find out in a sequel?! Or maybe it’s more sinister to know nothing of his identity…I guess I’ll be reading more Morrison to find out…)to look like Ian Sommerhalder, as I had imagined the main character to look like earlier in my review. I write my reviews AS I READ, and that was just fuckin WILD… but I’m glad we are thinking in the same regard casting wise! Lol (not that this could EVER make it to film… how would you rate that?!) Love that Morrison also pays homage to dead inside… easily one of my most fucked up reads of 2021. HOWEVER, I always thought the hospital security guard would look more like Bill Skarsgård with dark hair…. SCOUTS HONOR!
All-in-all… Delectably dis-tasteful. And I’m not “woke” enough that I can’t admit I enjoyed it. 4/5 stars.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 28, 2023
4 stars for a perfect mix of American Psycho esque musings, brutality and violence that contributed to the overall commentary, great conversations about toxic masculinity and misogyny, and the masterful development of wildly unlikable characters who are somehow still crafted with empathy and understanding.
The irony Morrison captures in his work is truly unmatched. This one felt similar to Dead Inside, but less ridiculous satire and more real world conversation. However, if you’re a Dead Inside fan like myself, you’ll be pleased to see cameos from a few of the characters from that novel.
Would have been 4.5 or 5 ⭐️ but there was one instance of the use of a slur which put a bad taste in my mouth. I understand the intent, which I do not believe to be malicious. It was not used in a racist context, but it just felt unnecessary to me. (I am a white reviewer so please take this with 🧂)
I do love this author’s work, but I will continue to be consistent in calling attention to this issue, especially when there’s no TW. Hopefully y’all see that I draw attention to this for ALL authors I read from, no matter how I feel about them or whether they have supported me. :)
The irony Morrison captures in his work is truly unmatched. This one felt similar to Dead Inside, but less ridiculous satire and more real world conversation. However, if you’re a Dead Inside fan like myself, you’ll be pleased to see cameos from a few of the characters from that novel.
Would have been 4.5 or 5 ⭐️ but there was one instance of the use of a slur which put a bad taste in my mouth. I understand the intent, which I do not believe to be malicious. It was not used in a racist context, but it just felt unnecessary to me. (I am a white reviewer so please take this with 🧂)
I do love this author’s work, but I will continue to be consistent in calling attention to this issue, especially when there’s no TW. Hopefully y’all see that I draw attention to this for ALL authors I read from, no matter how I feel about them or whether they have supported me. :)
January 21, 2024
I went through so many emotions while reading this book. I absolutely love the way Chandler Morrison writes. His characters always make me feel like I am watching the worst car wreck ever or any other catastrophe in slow motion. But you can't look away. You know how it will end but yet you still watch, with a very strong feeling of dread. That is the only way I can describe how it felt reading this book (and his other books).
Derek feels. He feels to much and its so very overwhelming. And his constant intrusive thoughts aren't helping. And then he thinks he is in love but of course, just like with everything in his life, it doesn't stay. Instead there is this nagging feeling. And it ends and he feels it all. Until he finds a way to deal with all of these emotions.
I would like to point out the end. For those who read most of the authors books, there is a small reference at the end that made me gasp. I love Easter eggs!
Excellent book, as usual very well written, and Chandler Morrison is the master of writing these kinds of characters.
For those that need it: Trigger Warning - sexual violence.
Derek feels. He feels to much and its so very overwhelming. And his constant intrusive thoughts aren't helping. And then he thinks he is in love but of course, just like with everything in his life, it doesn't stay. Instead there is this nagging feeling. And it ends and he feels it all. Until he finds a way to deal with all of these emotions.
I would like to point out the end. For those who read most of the authors books, there is a small reference at the end that made me gasp. I love Easter eggs!
Excellent book, as usual very well written, and Chandler Morrison is the master of writing these kinds of characters.
For those that need it: Trigger Warning - sexual violence.
March 13, 2022
Oh. This book took me out! I am not new to this genre. I would say I'm pretty seasoned now and holy crap..... ive never had to put a book down and take a break before. Then I went back and forth of rating this book 2 stars or 4 stars. Bc..... bc.... of that ONE scene. There's one scene with a girl and the things she says...... no woman feels that way towards molestation and rape!!!! It pissed me off. But then I realized the author really had me in my feels and had me feeling a type of way. And I had to remember an author is not their stories. Not like that. So I went with 4 stars bc he definitely got me there. Oh, did he get under my skin.
October 22, 2025
Chandler Morrison delivers once againnn!! This is Morrison’s second book that I’ve read and the brutality and twisted gore had me in its grasp!!
Derek, our interesting main character, just wants to be loved and accepted. He carries intense emotions that manifests in extremely twisted ways that are oddly satisfying.
There are connections to Dead Inside, which I was living for. We gain deeper insights into Tamara’s life before her unfortunate circumstances at Preston Druse Hospital. Helen has a fascinating connection to Derek, and we get a glimpse of our favorite hospital security guard checking the monitors.
So entertaining and vile!
But I get it Derek, I hate feelings too.
Derek, our interesting main character, just wants to be loved and accepted. He carries intense emotions that manifests in extremely twisted ways that are oddly satisfying.
There are connections to Dead Inside, which I was living for. We gain deeper insights into Tamara’s life before her unfortunate circumstances at Preston Druse Hospital. Helen has a fascinating connection to Derek, and we get a glimpse of our favorite hospital security guard checking the monitors.
So entertaining and vile!
But I get it Derek, I hate feelings too.
February 14, 2022
Derek Diver is an over emotional, sensitive pretty boy with a GPA of 3.2 (and he will remind you often) who manages to attract a string of unsuccessful relationships.
This is a guy who will cry if you look at him wrong. And admittedly, I started to hate him. Which I am sure was exactly the point.
Derek, sick of being a pathetic wimp decides that he doesn’t want to feel anymore. Normally, people choose a very predictable route of drugs and alcohol, but he’s got something better.
It quiets the mind. And suddenly he’s “dead inside.”
Do you know how happy I was to realize there was a HUGE dead inside tie in? “I have to go check the security cameras.”
And since I just finished 𝗟𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗔, I believe there was a tiny nod to it in the form of an “Uncle Humbert”…… don’t quote me on it though.
Like all of Chandler’s books, there’s a moment where you just wait because sh*t is going to fit the fan. And it did. All I have to say is thank you.
5⭐️
This is a guy who will cry if you look at him wrong. And admittedly, I started to hate him. Which I am sure was exactly the point.
Derek, sick of being a pathetic wimp decides that he doesn’t want to feel anymore. Normally, people choose a very predictable route of drugs and alcohol, but he’s got something better.
It quiets the mind. And suddenly he’s “dead inside.”
Do you know how happy I was to realize there was a HUGE dead inside tie in? “I have to go check the security cameras.”
And since I just finished 𝗟𝗢𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗔, I believe there was a tiny nod to it in the form of an “Uncle Humbert”…… don’t quote me on it though.
Like all of Chandler’s books, there’s a moment where you just wait because sh*t is going to fit the fan. And it did. All I have to say is thank you.
5⭐️
August 19, 2023
Chandler Morrison delivers again. That was one intense dark bleak brutal nihilistic love story. This is a masterfully written book of how love can be and probably is the most painful emotion. When we have love its euphoric we want it we let it consume us we obsess and when we don't feel,have, or lose that love we obsess and numb ourselves in any and every way possible even do or agree to the unthinkable all because we "hate to feel" what a awesome read. I highly recommend this and anything by Chandler Morrison he never disappoints.
February 7, 2022
This was absolutely brutal, horrific and brilliant. I think I need to sit for a while now though.
March 28, 2021
Good read
This was a really good read and has some great blood, gore and violence mixed in, my only angst was it took a while to get to it. But the whole storyline was good and Derek although was a boring character he was a good character also. Loved Tamara and how intense she was and how she brought some extra anger to the read. Though Derek seemed to pick up from this later. As an extreme horror fan, the second half of the book was 5 star, the first was four. But still a good read and I would recommend.
This was a really good read and has some great blood, gore and violence mixed in, my only angst was it took a while to get to it. But the whole storyline was good and Derek although was a boring character he was a good character also. Loved Tamara and how intense she was and how she brought some extra anger to the read. Though Derek seemed to pick up from this later. As an extreme horror fan, the second half of the book was 5 star, the first was four. But still a good read and I would recommend.
September 24, 2024
Hate to Feel is the 3rd book I have read by Chandler Morrison and wow it did not disappoint! This book is really well written and it grips you and doesn’t let go! Oh, and did I forget to mention this book is BRUTAL! The gore scenes were really graphic and descriptive but did we expect any less? I can’t wait to read more of this author but I will only recommend to a minority of friends due to the brutality!!!
August 7, 2024
3.5
I appreciated seeing characters from Dead Inside again and this book gets an extra half star just for that. But damn was the first part (up until about the 55/60% mark) wayyyyy too longggg. I seriously considered DNF’ing this several times before the gory bits started - I think that first part should have been way shorter, it was so repetitive and I couldn’t bring myself to care. The last 100 or so pages were much better and saved this book for me, though so far I’d say this was my least favourite by Chandler Morrison :(
I appreciated seeing characters from Dead Inside again and this book gets an extra half star just for that. But damn was the first part (up until about the 55/60% mark) wayyyyy too longggg. I seriously considered DNF’ing this several times before the gory bits started - I think that first part should have been way shorter, it was so repetitive and I couldn’t bring myself to care. The last 100 or so pages were much better and saved this book for me, though so far I’d say this was my least favourite by Chandler Morrison :(
June 13, 2025
This book genuinely kept me wondering what would transpire each page and had so many amazing throwbacks to “Dead Inside”. I can also say that some of the shock factors really come out of nowhere in surprising and satisfying ways, shifting the focus naturally and leading me to read more chapters than I planned to.
I rarely enjoy the ending of a book that isn’t direct or a “true” ending, but I was more than satisfied with the “what happens next” thoughts that filled my head after reading the final page.
Easily one of my favorite authors.
I rarely enjoy the ending of a book that isn’t direct or a “true” ending, but I was more than satisfied with the “what happens next” thoughts that filled my head after reading the final page.
Easily one of my favorite authors.
October 19, 2024
What does it say about me that Chandler Morrison's books always make me feel so... Understood?
Nothing good, that's for sure.
Absolutely loved the references to Dead Inside! Also I really wish I'd read this book before I read Just to See Hell, so many of the short stories in the anthology reference this book and I actually have context for many of the characters now.
Nothing good, that's for sure.
Absolutely loved the references to Dead Inside! Also I really wish I'd read this book before I read Just to See Hell, so many of the short stories in the anthology reference this book and I actually have context for many of the characters now.
February 25, 2026
There is nothing more awful and ruinous than love. In the end, it destroys us all.
4 ½ stars. Derek Diver (not a pornstar name btw… or at least not one I'm famililar with…) has my vote as least likeable main character in a book since … well, ever (noting the comparison may not be fair in that I've never purchased any copies of "The Art of the Deal" or others by the same "author" in the 1$ bin at the local convenience mart [free with a fill-up of over 20$ and/or corndogs of equal value]). And I bet a lot of folks are then thinking this is my way of being utterly lacking in terms of subtlety in admitting I did not like Chandler Morrison's "Hate to Feel". Well, first of all, you would be wrong about that. In fact, I found this to be a very entertaining and thought-provoking read … and I say that though there wasn't a single character that I'd ever want to meet in person. Or honestly have sex with because this group just struck me as the kind of folks they warned us about in all those videos in Jr. High health classes when we learned how to put condoms on bananas!
Maybe love doesn’t even exist, and if it does, it’s the cruelest thing in the world.
No, what I mean, is that for more than half of this story, Derek is just an "an obscenely over-privileged pretty-boy with little more than sawdust between (his) ears." He is just absolutely unbearable, spending what seems to be most of his time either whining about his life ("I’m not fucking stupid. I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA.") or locked away in random bathroom stalls crying about same all day and even through some nights (or if you prefer: "I spent the night aimlessly driving on the freeway, crying and listening to Enya." Da fuh???) or - try not to be sick, please - watching the Hallmark Channel in his free time. I mean, the guy is drop-dead gorgeous, independently wealthy (keep in mind throughout that he does NOT have to work!), and generally has it "all" going for him. Yet, over and over he just weepingly asks things like "Why do they persecute me so?" and quite frankly, it got to the point where I was hoping he'd get run over by a bulldozer or something just to put US out of OUR misery!
And then, something beautiful happens. Nothing.
However, instead of being content (you can't be happy all the time), because of … stuff? or whatever, Derek is just never ever satisfied. About seemingly anything. And for the love of the gods, it is annoying AF along the way ("Like a wounded dog desperate for affection. I am pathetic."). When we start off he has a beautiful, loving girlfriend that begins to bore him once he becomes attracted to a woman that technically he can't have (she's married as well as apparently laying a great deal of pipe with the boss, too). Well, surprise surprise, who has ever experienced a relationship where they found their feelings fading from those awesome first few weeks together or even their thoughts straying towards forbidden fruits because they are oh so sweet? Oh the sheer humanity of it all! Hey Whiney Hiney, it's called life! Luckily, the "prelude" gives us advanced warning that he won't stay like this and it kept me, for one, reading on despite having to witness such a sad wretch act like that.
You’re always looking for a reason to fall apart.
So yeah, Morrison does a marvelous job just setting this guy up to come across as the world's biggest snivelling fussbudget (yeah, I need to move on from this theme, I'm running out of synonyms). And then shortly after he accidentally attends a combination orgy-slash-voodoo ritual, Derek decides to become a serial killer. Maybe not decides because that implies malice aforethought but he definitely jumps in with as much gusto as he can muster. Now, now, don't try to deny it, Derek - "Serial killers get caught because they can’t stop. I can stop. I’m not a serial killer." - but when that many bodies hit the floor, it definitely has moved into the definition of serial killer territory. And the fact that he is not only modelling his behavior after the actual local serial killer (still on the loose it seems) but feels painful withdrawal symptoms when he hasn't killed in a while, well, it makes it kind of obvious.
People like them shouldn’t be allowed to live.
And honestly, once all this takes off - and it does so at definitely splatterpunk-worthy levels - Derek is suddenly much more likeable. Well, maybe not likeable per se but he sure spends a lot less time in the toilets sobbing his eyes out and more time flinging viscera and offal about. Even when he catches his ex performing money shots (ahem) with his best friend-slash-boss - who is also legitimately unlikeable I should add - he takes it a lot better than "1st half of the book Derek" (running into a willing and very capable "fvck buddy" within moments doesn't hurt the situation either). Trying to maybe change the syntax up a bit here, what I mean about Derek at very least is he stops moping around and basically starts shrugging off those things that 99.9999% of us have to shrug off if we want to avoid going absolutely bonkers each and every day.
I daydream daily about murdering these losers with various office supplies…
The weirdest thing though is that as Derek's violent tendencies become more pronounced, he becomes much more at ease with his emotions and his reactions to having either loved or lost love. He begins to feel nothing, which to his own dismay, is truly how he wants to go about things anyhow. There's also some other bits thrown in for a taste of the supernatural (he's left with a little something - or better said, someone - from the voodoo-orgy … and I'm not talking about bizarre STDs either!) but in the end, this is about Derek meeting - or perhaps totally abandoning - his potential and living life in a way that won't leave him curled up in the fetal position and sobbing his eyes out.
There is no emotion. There is only blank, passive disaffection.
So yes, this is a book that despite having Double-D as its star that was quite enjoyable, very readable, and very well executed. The sudden switch from "here we all go just lurching our sad way through life everyday" to "well, just chopped up my co-worker and her family, time to hit the showers" is abrupt, yes, but it brings home the authors message like a sledgehammer to the back of the head! And if you can't stand to imagine that, then I would strongly suggest you look for a different book to fill the rest of your afternoon!
4 ½ stars. Derek Diver (not a pornstar name btw… or at least not one I'm famililar with…) has my vote as least likeable main character in a book since … well, ever (noting the comparison may not be fair in that I've never purchased any copies of "The Art of the Deal" or others by the same "author" in the 1$ bin at the local convenience mart [free with a fill-up of over 20$ and/or corndogs of equal value]). And I bet a lot of folks are then thinking this is my way of being utterly lacking in terms of subtlety in admitting I did not like Chandler Morrison's "Hate to Feel". Well, first of all, you would be wrong about that. In fact, I found this to be a very entertaining and thought-provoking read … and I say that though there wasn't a single character that I'd ever want to meet in person. Or honestly have sex with because this group just struck me as the kind of folks they warned us about in all those videos in Jr. High health classes when we learned how to put condoms on bananas!
Maybe love doesn’t even exist, and if it does, it’s the cruelest thing in the world.
No, what I mean, is that for more than half of this story, Derek is just an "an obscenely over-privileged pretty-boy with little more than sawdust between (his) ears." He is just absolutely unbearable, spending what seems to be most of his time either whining about his life ("I’m not fucking stupid. I graduated high school with a 3.2 GPA.") or locked away in random bathroom stalls crying about same all day and even through some nights (or if you prefer: "I spent the night aimlessly driving on the freeway, crying and listening to Enya." Da fuh???) or - try not to be sick, please - watching the Hallmark Channel in his free time. I mean, the guy is drop-dead gorgeous, independently wealthy (keep in mind throughout that he does NOT have to work!), and generally has it "all" going for him. Yet, over and over he just weepingly asks things like "Why do they persecute me so?" and quite frankly, it got to the point where I was hoping he'd get run over by a bulldozer or something just to put US out of OUR misery!
And then, something beautiful happens. Nothing.
However, instead of being content (you can't be happy all the time), because of … stuff? or whatever, Derek is just never ever satisfied. About seemingly anything. And for the love of the gods, it is annoying AF along the way ("Like a wounded dog desperate for affection. I am pathetic."). When we start off he has a beautiful, loving girlfriend that begins to bore him once he becomes attracted to a woman that technically he can't have (she's married as well as apparently laying a great deal of pipe with the boss, too). Well, surprise surprise, who has ever experienced a relationship where they found their feelings fading from those awesome first few weeks together or even their thoughts straying towards forbidden fruits because they are oh so sweet? Oh the sheer humanity of it all! Hey Whiney Hiney, it's called life! Luckily, the "prelude" gives us advanced warning that he won't stay like this and it kept me, for one, reading on despite having to witness such a sad wretch act like that.
You’re always looking for a reason to fall apart.
So yeah, Morrison does a marvelous job just setting this guy up to come across as the world's biggest snivelling fussbudget (yeah, I need to move on from this theme, I'm running out of synonyms). And then shortly after he accidentally attends a combination orgy-slash-voodoo ritual, Derek decides to become a serial killer. Maybe not decides because that implies malice aforethought but he definitely jumps in with as much gusto as he can muster. Now, now, don't try to deny it, Derek - "Serial killers get caught because they can’t stop. I can stop. I’m not a serial killer." - but when that many bodies hit the floor, it definitely has moved into the definition of serial killer territory. And the fact that he is not only modelling his behavior after the actual local serial killer (still on the loose it seems) but feels painful withdrawal symptoms when he hasn't killed in a while, well, it makes it kind of obvious.
People like them shouldn’t be allowed to live.
And honestly, once all this takes off - and it does so at definitely splatterpunk-worthy levels - Derek is suddenly much more likeable. Well, maybe not likeable per se but he sure spends a lot less time in the toilets sobbing his eyes out and more time flinging viscera and offal about. Even when he catches his ex performing money shots (ahem) with his best friend-slash-boss - who is also legitimately unlikeable I should add - he takes it a lot better than "1st half of the book Derek" (running into a willing and very capable "fvck buddy" within moments doesn't hurt the situation either). Trying to maybe change the syntax up a bit here, what I mean about Derek at very least is he stops moping around and basically starts shrugging off those things that 99.9999% of us have to shrug off if we want to avoid going absolutely bonkers each and every day.
I daydream daily about murdering these losers with various office supplies…
The weirdest thing though is that as Derek's violent tendencies become more pronounced, he becomes much more at ease with his emotions and his reactions to having either loved or lost love. He begins to feel nothing, which to his own dismay, is truly how he wants to go about things anyhow. There's also some other bits thrown in for a taste of the supernatural (he's left with a little something - or better said, someone - from the voodoo-orgy … and I'm not talking about bizarre STDs either!) but in the end, this is about Derek meeting - or perhaps totally abandoning - his potential and living life in a way that won't leave him curled up in the fetal position and sobbing his eyes out.
There is no emotion. There is only blank, passive disaffection.
So yes, this is a book that despite having Double-D as its star that was quite enjoyable, very readable, and very well executed. The sudden switch from "here we all go just lurching our sad way through life everyday" to "well, just chopped up my co-worker and her family, time to hit the showers" is abrupt, yes, but it brings home the authors message like a sledgehammer to the back of the head! And if you can't stand to imagine that, then I would strongly suggest you look for a different book to fill the rest of your afternoon!
February 1, 2021
I can't get enough of Morrison. He has quickly become one of my favorite writers!!
Dead Inside and now Hate To Feel......Which i might add that these two books have connections. Which is totally cool. Off to find more writing by this guy. I am hooked and can't get enough.
Happy Reading and Splatter On............
Dead Inside and now Hate To Feel......Which i might add that these two books have connections. Which is totally cool. Off to find more writing by this guy. I am hooked and can't get enough.
Happy Reading and Splatter On............
July 11, 2024
damn can’t believe i finished it, genuinely just 300 pages of misogyny-fuelled murders, the amount of times a woman was either called fat and ugly or a slut is insane and what is even worse is every woman described that way is deserving of death apparently?? anyways that was disappointing i will never trust a recommendation from anyone again LOL
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 7, 2023
The main character is a whiny little brat who I was annoyed with by page 10. The only reason I finished was because I’m not a quitter. Only redeeming part was the connection to Dead Inside…..NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR 3.2 GPA
Read
October 15, 2021i hate feelings too man
March 21, 2024
As always, Morrison tells a story you just can’t look away from. Fantastic.
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