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The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith
As Judy Gruen walked down the aisle and into her Orthodox Jewish future, her bouquet quivered in her shaky hand. Having grown up in the zeitgeist that proclaimed, “If it feels good, do it,” was she really ready to live the life of “rituals, rules, and restraints” that the Torah prescribed? The Skeptic and the Rabbi is a rare memoir with historical depth, spirituality, and intelligent humor. Gruen speaks with refreshing honesty about what it means to remain authentic to yourself while charting a new yet ancient spiritual path at odds with the surrounding culture, and writes touchingly about her family, including her two sets of grandparents, who influenced her in wildly opposite ways. As she navigates her new life with the man she loves and the faith she also loves—surviving several awkward moments, including when the rabbi calls to tell her that she accidentally served unkosher food to her Shabbat guests—Gruen brings the reader right along for the ride. Reading this wry, bold and compelling memoir, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and when you’re finished, you may also have a sudden craving for chicken matzo ball soup—kosher, of course.
234 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 5, 2017
73 people are currently reading
415 people want to read
About the author
Judy Gruen
10 books50 followersGrowing up, I was drawn to written words–both reading them voraciously and writing them continuously.
I began my writing career in the health care field, and sold my first freelance humor pieces by age 22 to the Los Angeles Herald-Examiner, the scrappy underdog newspaper to the Los Angeles Times.
Since then, I’ve written 5 books, including my memoirs Bylines and Blessings and The Skeptic and the Rabbi, both works of my heart. I’m an award-winning columnist for the Jewish Journal, where my work earned First Place in Commentary from the American Jewish Press Association’s Simon Rockower Awards, and Second Place for Book Reviews from the L.A. Press Club’s Southern California Journalism Awards, both in 2024.
My work has also been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Christian Science Monitor, Boston Globe, New York Daily News, Los Angeles Times, Aish.com, Jewish Action, Chabad.org, and many other outlets.
I also love working with writers as a book coach, guiding them as they realize their visions of a professionally written and edited book. I’ve worked with writers on memoirs, as well as on Jewish philosophy, business communications, alternative health journeys, and more.
To me, writing is almost as essential as breathing. It is a privilege and joy for me to be able to share my writing with a receptive audience.
I began my writing career in the health care field, and sold my first freelance humor pieces by age 22 to the Los Angeles Herald-Examiner, the scrappy underdog newspaper to the Los Angeles Times.
Since then, I’ve written 5 books, including my memoirs Bylines and Blessings and The Skeptic and the Rabbi, both works of my heart. I’m an award-winning columnist for the Jewish Journal, where my work earned First Place in Commentary from the American Jewish Press Association’s Simon Rockower Awards, and Second Place for Book Reviews from the L.A. Press Club’s Southern California Journalism Awards, both in 2024.
My work has also been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Christian Science Monitor, Boston Globe, New York Daily News, Los Angeles Times, Aish.com, Jewish Action, Chabad.org, and many other outlets.
I also love working with writers as a book coach, guiding them as they realize their visions of a professionally written and edited book. I’ve worked with writers on memoirs, as well as on Jewish philosophy, business communications, alternative health journeys, and more.
To me, writing is almost as essential as breathing. It is a privilege and joy for me to be able to share my writing with a receptive audience.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
February 1, 2018
Judy Gruen's memoir of her journey to religious Judaism is an ernest tale of personal struggle mixed with some welcome notes of self-deprecating humour. It also happens to be very readable: I finished it in almost one sitting! I particularly liked the way she framed her journey as a kind of internal struggle between her two sets of grandparents--one traditionally religious vs. the other anti-religious--and how she ultimately resolved that tension in her own life.
June 5, 2019
This is my personal book #30, selected both at random and by me for the Trim challenge in my main group on Goodreads. Its is a quick non fiction memoir, about a woman ascent into religious Judaism, and what she needed to do to reconcile her previous lifestyle with what was being asked of her, and what she was being drawn into and choosing.
I am often thinking of my audience when I am writing these reviews. Once in awhile I am thinking of the authors audience, and this is no exception. I am struggling to figure out who this author's audience is and should be. The author is a journalist, and interestingly my close friend who became Orthodox also in her 20's came in through that exact route - through Journalism and Media. The book doesn't feel meant to me for mainstream, and it doesn't even feel meant for the Jewish population as a whole, who I think would find it either unrelatable, or in my case, nothing I didn't know - nothing new to learn. In which case, the interesting part needs to be the emotional, the psychological, and the spiritual journey - and to be honest, that part just didn't grab me. And at various points I just began to skim. The central emotional questions of the book were these. How did losing a beloved brother at a young age raise questions about God and God's will, and how do those become reconciled? That was certainly in the book, but it just didn't grab me particularly. Rabbi Naomi Levy wrote a book (To Begin Again) that was heavily influenced by witnessing her father's murder at age 15, and she really confronts spiritually about what to do when the answers aren't sufficient, and when faith is tested by unknowable and unimaginable trauma and loss. I felt these explanations were too neat and too easily accepted.
In fact, the title was misleading. I expected the whole journey to be a larger step for the author to traverse. Please do not misunderstand. The journey to become a religious Jew is a huge undertaking, even if one grew up Jewish. It is not to be taken lightly - what one has to do to transform and take on a new identity, lifestyle, and series of beliefs is in fact tremendous. But the step for the author, to me, did not carry a whole lot of skepticism, and in the scheme of things wasn't that great. She was already a conservative progressive, social, cultural, and political Jew who observed Shabbat, kept kosher, and went to services. The jump was not that phenomenal. And calling her a "skeptic?" Not particularly. I thought she drank the tea rather easily. And even if their parents or co-workers found them fanatical or extreme, we are not talking about such a true break from a life. No one converted or was unfamiliar, and there was an entire community of support. Becoming more religious is seriously no tragedy for a family. Cancer is, loss is, alcoholism, infidelity, mental illness, lack of financial success and stability, infertility - those are problems. Growing more religious? Well good for you. I always thought the worst problem of becoming religious was inconvenience. Not easy to go on vacations, restaurants, and to have holidays with your family - and that's truly what its all about. What's the point of being religious, if your temple/synagogue and family requires you to drive and you are holding the precepts - but not with the people or community that make it holy and sacred? But that's just me.
The other moving part of the tale, was when she for a split second says no. Lets break up. And he says, were not breaking up. You are more important to me than any religion, shul, or rabbi. I don't know even if this dilemma was deeply thought through. I think they just chose a different community. That moment which was laced with possibility for deeper thought and spirituality - well it just fell flat. In fact, I didn't get a sense of this woman's inner conflict or deeper spirituality at all.
There were a few moments that were downright annoying and degrading. Just took off a star. It was supposed to be this big moment of conflict and shame when the author reveals her husband to be admitted to voting for Reagan. Really? Come on. Maybe its the current climate that is getting me so upset, but are you kidding? We don't have critical thinking about the fact that even at a time when the President is a dodo and is mentally ill, that there are reasons why people vote for each of the candidates that are deeply held. Right now the American Jews are deeply divided politically, and we need to implore that people think really critically about the issues, beyond their passions, to think extremely critically - and this woman is complaining that her husband wasn't as left as she is? And was embarrassed and afraid to reveal the secret? Right now I am fighting every single day to impore American Jews to think critically about Israel and to learn about the Issues beyond the false propaganda. Because of the Putz, we could end up with a next president who holds all the right values we care about - pro-gay, pro-women, pro-muslim, pro-latona, pro-environment and climate, pr0-education, but anti-Jew and anti Israel. For me there is only one democratic candidate, maybe two, and I fear that American Jews of all parties won't vote, and will weaken the vote, if the wrong democratic contender is ill fatally and passionately chosen. And this woman is upset about a vote for Reagan? Please. Call that an insular problem for sure.
The other deeply annoying moment is when early in their marriage on the Rabbi calls the couple in to discuss that he heard they had another couple for dinner, and that she served liver with the chicken. This leads into a whole tutoring session with an esteemed kashrut teacher. Well, that just made me furious. I would have converted out at that moment. That for me would have been the end of any hope of Orthodox Judaism. And we have thought about it (for a moment). We have walked closer to that line ourselves. But there are always things that keep us from even considering it. A moment like that is a non-negotiable one of them. The other for me is separate seating in synagogue, and that the women aren't supposed to be heard singing by men, at least individually. For me there is no spirituality without music and singing and family, and I have three sons. I am not going to temple alone, and not hiding my voice. My husband and I had our first date at a Shabbat Service, after which we went to Jake Ivory's (dueling pianos). He will state, that he fell in love with me when he first heard me sing at services. But for all her bluster about hiding hair, and separate seating, and kosher, and mikvah (a concept I love) - I didn't really feel the "rub", and she was no skeptic. Misleading title, and quite honestly, narrow audience.
To me, we have thought long and hard about how to raise our kids and our family with values, with Jewish values and experiences, and with spirituality. Everyone I know talks about it, formally or not. About how important it is to have our kids experience and love Judaism, and feel connected. We always felt that if a kid had to pick between Hebrew School and a birthday party, he would resent Judaism. Being forced to fast, or not be allowed to play baseball on a Saturday, would make them resent religion rather than embrace it. But the joy of holidays, and the experience of bar mitzvah, and summer camp, and Israel, that was the way to go. to see the spirituality and the connections, and the pride, and identity infused through their lives and ours. They see us fast and keep traditions, and when they were bar mitzvah, we told them the choice was theirs to make. We have been proud when they have chosen to fast or keep Passover on their own speed. The American Jewish Reform movement is extremely strong and vibrant. We are not as lost as the Orthodox might believe. We are often highly educated highly well read and learned, and many of us (I heard the term folk elite once) observe Shabbat regularly, and have it as a regular part of our lives. Politically, socially, spiritually, Jewish Identity does not belong exclusively to the religious. There is a whole spectrum between Twice a Year Jews and the Orthodox. The Interfaith have had to take this question extremely seriously. What does identity and choice actually mean? What is this about and how do we live it and pass it on? I just don't think in the scheme of things that this woman's leap was all that complicated or huge a chasm. We as either interfaith or reform Jews are the ones figuring it out.
My child leaves for Israel in 25 days. We have spent a lifetime preparing him for what that means. My next child has the year anniversary of his bar mitzvah in three days, and is going to High School. My youngest, is just starting out. He and the middle guy are leaving for Jewish Overnight Camp, also in 25 days. We are working this one out. The kids themselves are figuring it out. They each have their own story to write. So I applaud Judy Gruen for her story - we all have one. We are just writing and living ours too.
I am often thinking of my audience when I am writing these reviews. Once in awhile I am thinking of the authors audience, and this is no exception. I am struggling to figure out who this author's audience is and should be. The author is a journalist, and interestingly my close friend who became Orthodox also in her 20's came in through that exact route - through Journalism and Media. The book doesn't feel meant to me for mainstream, and it doesn't even feel meant for the Jewish population as a whole, who I think would find it either unrelatable, or in my case, nothing I didn't know - nothing new to learn. In which case, the interesting part needs to be the emotional, the psychological, and the spiritual journey - and to be honest, that part just didn't grab me. And at various points I just began to skim. The central emotional questions of the book were these. How did losing a beloved brother at a young age raise questions about God and God's will, and how do those become reconciled? That was certainly in the book, but it just didn't grab me particularly. Rabbi Naomi Levy wrote a book (To Begin Again) that was heavily influenced by witnessing her father's murder at age 15, and she really confronts spiritually about what to do when the answers aren't sufficient, and when faith is tested by unknowable and unimaginable trauma and loss. I felt these explanations were too neat and too easily accepted.
In fact, the title was misleading. I expected the whole journey to be a larger step for the author to traverse. Please do not misunderstand. The journey to become a religious Jew is a huge undertaking, even if one grew up Jewish. It is not to be taken lightly - what one has to do to transform and take on a new identity, lifestyle, and series of beliefs is in fact tremendous. But the step for the author, to me, did not carry a whole lot of skepticism, and in the scheme of things wasn't that great. She was already a conservative progressive, social, cultural, and political Jew who observed Shabbat, kept kosher, and went to services. The jump was not that phenomenal. And calling her a "skeptic?" Not particularly. I thought she drank the tea rather easily. And even if their parents or co-workers found them fanatical or extreme, we are not talking about such a true break from a life. No one converted or was unfamiliar, and there was an entire community of support. Becoming more religious is seriously no tragedy for a family. Cancer is, loss is, alcoholism, infidelity, mental illness, lack of financial success and stability, infertility - those are problems. Growing more religious? Well good for you. I always thought the worst problem of becoming religious was inconvenience. Not easy to go on vacations, restaurants, and to have holidays with your family - and that's truly what its all about. What's the point of being religious, if your temple/synagogue and family requires you to drive and you are holding the precepts - but not with the people or community that make it holy and sacred? But that's just me.
The other moving part of the tale, was when she for a split second says no. Lets break up. And he says, were not breaking up. You are more important to me than any religion, shul, or rabbi. I don't know even if this dilemma was deeply thought through. I think they just chose a different community. That moment which was laced with possibility for deeper thought and spirituality - well it just fell flat. In fact, I didn't get a sense of this woman's inner conflict or deeper spirituality at all.
There were a few moments that were downright annoying and degrading. Just took off a star. It was supposed to be this big moment of conflict and shame when the author reveals her husband to be admitted to voting for Reagan. Really? Come on. Maybe its the current climate that is getting me so upset, but are you kidding? We don't have critical thinking about the fact that even at a time when the President is a dodo and is mentally ill, that there are reasons why people vote for each of the candidates that are deeply held. Right now the American Jews are deeply divided politically, and we need to implore that people think really critically about the issues, beyond their passions, to think extremely critically - and this woman is complaining that her husband wasn't as left as she is? And was embarrassed and afraid to reveal the secret? Right now I am fighting every single day to impore American Jews to think critically about Israel and to learn about the Issues beyond the false propaganda. Because of the Putz, we could end up with a next president who holds all the right values we care about - pro-gay, pro-women, pro-muslim, pro-latona, pro-environment and climate, pr0-education, but anti-Jew and anti Israel. For me there is only one democratic candidate, maybe two, and I fear that American Jews of all parties won't vote, and will weaken the vote, if the wrong democratic contender is ill fatally and passionately chosen. And this woman is upset about a vote for Reagan? Please. Call that an insular problem for sure.
The other deeply annoying moment is when early in their marriage on the Rabbi calls the couple in to discuss that he heard they had another couple for dinner, and that she served liver with the chicken. This leads into a whole tutoring session with an esteemed kashrut teacher. Well, that just made me furious. I would have converted out at that moment. That for me would have been the end of any hope of Orthodox Judaism. And we have thought about it (for a moment). We have walked closer to that line ourselves. But there are always things that keep us from even considering it. A moment like that is a non-negotiable one of them. The other for me is separate seating in synagogue, and that the women aren't supposed to be heard singing by men, at least individually. For me there is no spirituality without music and singing and family, and I have three sons. I am not going to temple alone, and not hiding my voice. My husband and I had our first date at a Shabbat Service, after which we went to Jake Ivory's (dueling pianos). He will state, that he fell in love with me when he first heard me sing at services. But for all her bluster about hiding hair, and separate seating, and kosher, and mikvah (a concept I love) - I didn't really feel the "rub", and she was no skeptic. Misleading title, and quite honestly, narrow audience.
To me, we have thought long and hard about how to raise our kids and our family with values, with Jewish values and experiences, and with spirituality. Everyone I know talks about it, formally or not. About how important it is to have our kids experience and love Judaism, and feel connected. We always felt that if a kid had to pick between Hebrew School and a birthday party, he would resent Judaism. Being forced to fast, or not be allowed to play baseball on a Saturday, would make them resent religion rather than embrace it. But the joy of holidays, and the experience of bar mitzvah, and summer camp, and Israel, that was the way to go. to see the spirituality and the connections, and the pride, and identity infused through their lives and ours. They see us fast and keep traditions, and when they were bar mitzvah, we told them the choice was theirs to make. We have been proud when they have chosen to fast or keep Passover on their own speed. The American Jewish Reform movement is extremely strong and vibrant. We are not as lost as the Orthodox might believe. We are often highly educated highly well read and learned, and many of us (I heard the term folk elite once) observe Shabbat regularly, and have it as a regular part of our lives. Politically, socially, spiritually, Jewish Identity does not belong exclusively to the religious. There is a whole spectrum between Twice a Year Jews and the Orthodox. The Interfaith have had to take this question extremely seriously. What does identity and choice actually mean? What is this about and how do we live it and pass it on? I just don't think in the scheme of things that this woman's leap was all that complicated or huge a chasm. We as either interfaith or reform Jews are the ones figuring it out.
My child leaves for Israel in 25 days. We have spent a lifetime preparing him for what that means. My next child has the year anniversary of his bar mitzvah in three days, and is going to High School. My youngest, is just starting out. He and the middle guy are leaving for Jewish Overnight Camp, also in 25 days. We are working this one out. The kids themselves are figuring it out. They each have their own story to write. So I applaud Judy Gruen for her story - we all have one. We are just writing and living ours too.
June 12, 2017
Like Michael Medved, who wrote the forward for Judy Gruen's book, I can't claim to be objective about The Skeptic and the Rabbi. I'm even mentioned in the acknowledgments because Judy showed me an early draft!
Her fans from Aish.com, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, and so on will find Judy's signature humor and brutal honesty combined with a less familiar pathos.
Readers who have struggled to understand how a thinking feminist could choose of her own free will to enter the Orthodox world will appreciate Judy's candor about her struggles. Especially refreshing is Judy's willingness to portray not only the things that have thrilled her about the Orthodox community, but also things that have caused her nervousness, discomfort, and even anger. Particularly touching is the lack of judgment she expresses about friends who chose not to stay in the Orthodox world, or who never chose to.
You'll laugh at some of the more outrageous stories, groan with Judy over all-too-familiar dating scenarios, and nod your head along with some of her insights.
Her fans from Aish.com, The Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, and so on will find Judy's signature humor and brutal honesty combined with a less familiar pathos.
Readers who have struggled to understand how a thinking feminist could choose of her own free will to enter the Orthodox world will appreciate Judy's candor about her struggles. Especially refreshing is Judy's willingness to portray not only the things that have thrilled her about the Orthodox community, but also things that have caused her nervousness, discomfort, and even anger. Particularly touching is the lack of judgment she expresses about friends who chose not to stay in the Orthodox world, or who never chose to.
You'll laugh at some of the more outrageous stories, groan with Judy over all-too-familiar dating scenarios, and nod your head along with some of her insights.
June 27, 2017
The Gemara in tractate Yoma 35b famously extols the triumphs of various Torah personalities who surmounted tests, obstacles and circumstance to lead meaning-filled lives. “Hillel obligates the poor,” the Gemara relates, while “Rabi Elazar ben Charsom obligates the rich…” Despite backgrounds and limitations that would generally preclude one from singular devotion to Torah study - extreme poverty on the one hand and unimaginable riches on the other - Hillel and Elazar Ben Charsom did not desist from seeking out the truth and living it.
Judy Gruen, in turn, obligates the skeptic within each and every one of us through her highly personal and compelling memoir. The Skeptic and the Rabbi candidly details the struggles Judy, a child of the ‘60s and ‘70s counterculture movement, faced on her path to Torah observance, from grappling with questions of G-d’s existence and the Torah’s veracity, to relinquishing long-held beliefs and practices in favor of a whole new orthodox Jewish lifestyle - one she’d never imagined she’d lead. Having grown up with the influence of two sets of grandparents, one ardently religious and equally somber; the other, agnostic, humanistic and much more fun, Judy's journey was not without internal conflict. Accordingly, she depicts her courtship with ba'al teshuva husband Jeff and subseqeunt entree into the frum velt with honesty, humor and depth.
Judy’s narrative will undoubtedly resonate on many levels: Ba’alei teshuva will find clear parallels with their own experiences; those born within the fold will come away strengthened; and those just dipping their toes into the proverbial mikvah waters might dip in a little further. All will appreciate Judy’s core message: That “you have to be ‘you-ish’ in order to be ‘Jewish’.” Judy proves that no matter what your starting point, observance is so much richer when you retain your skepticism and truly make each mitzvah your own.
Judy Gruen, in turn, obligates the skeptic within each and every one of us through her highly personal and compelling memoir. The Skeptic and the Rabbi candidly details the struggles Judy, a child of the ‘60s and ‘70s counterculture movement, faced on her path to Torah observance, from grappling with questions of G-d’s existence and the Torah’s veracity, to relinquishing long-held beliefs and practices in favor of a whole new orthodox Jewish lifestyle - one she’d never imagined she’d lead. Having grown up with the influence of two sets of grandparents, one ardently religious and equally somber; the other, agnostic, humanistic and much more fun, Judy's journey was not without internal conflict. Accordingly, she depicts her courtship with ba'al teshuva husband Jeff and subseqeunt entree into the frum velt with honesty, humor and depth.
Judy’s narrative will undoubtedly resonate on many levels: Ba’alei teshuva will find clear parallels with their own experiences; those born within the fold will come away strengthened; and those just dipping their toes into the proverbial mikvah waters might dip in a little further. All will appreciate Judy’s core message: That “you have to be ‘you-ish’ in order to be ‘Jewish’.” Judy proves that no matter what your starting point, observance is so much richer when you retain your skepticism and truly make each mitzvah your own.
Read
July 8, 2023Memoir so no rating here.
But...
I loved it.
It was a lovely exploration of doubt, religious identity, feminism (and can they coexist) and meaning. I'm sure I missed a lot of jokes--- I'm not the target audience. But I so enjoyed her willingness to grapple with the hard questions and was absolutely entranced with some of her answers.
Absolutely recommend.
But...
I loved it.
It was a lovely exploration of doubt, religious identity, feminism (and can they coexist) and meaning. I'm sure I missed a lot of jokes--- I'm not the target audience. But I so enjoyed her willingness to grapple with the hard questions and was absolutely entranced with some of her answers.
Absolutely recommend.
July 1, 2020
Look, it's hard to put yourself and your family and your life out there in a book. I'm not writing one and can't really judge those who do about what they are willing to share. BUT. Judy, you didn't show us the thinking process from one state (that of Skeptic) to another (that of Rabbi). We only saw start and finish but no deep inner process. In that sense it felt superficial and lacking in substance. You went there sometimes, like dipping your toe in the tub, how you described the sadness that overwhelmed you when your mother would be disappointed by another of your pregnancies, not understanding the beauty of life you and your husband felt with this mitzah.
I also understand the impulse to keep the book neutrally open to those Jewish and not, but I think it would have been actually more in-depth to really 'go there' in your explanations, even if that may isolate those who don't fully understand. Otherwise we're left hanging there without a more complete comprehensive view on your feelings about your choices.
Maybe I'm expecting too much, I'll take that.
I also understand the impulse to keep the book neutrally open to those Jewish and not, but I think it would have been actually more in-depth to really 'go there' in your explanations, even if that may isolate those who don't fully understand. Otherwise we're left hanging there without a more complete comprehensive view on your feelings about your choices.
Maybe I'm expecting too much, I'll take that.
June 26, 2017
A memoir about Orthodoxy that is both authentic and uplifting! Judy Gruen doesn't sugarcoat or romanticize her journey; she spices it with humor and self-reflection. Her straight-shooter style is both engaging and refreshing. Her story is inspiring without trying to be, and features several relatable moments, some of which made me chuckle aloud. I was captivated from start to finish.
June 18, 2017
This book is thoroughly amusing, while also showing an honest portrayal of the struggles the author encountered on her path towards faith. It is humorous, heart-warming and an entertaining read. Grab a cup of coffee, a muffin, and set aside a few hours--you'll want to read it all at once.
January 21, 2018
Ugh. I was intrigued by the idea of a woman reluctantly moving into Orthodox Judaism, wanting more religious observance in her life but worried about the gender restrictions of Orthodoxy. Great concept. BUT. So many problems, the first of which is that Gruen keeps telling the reader what a good writer she is, which shows up by contrast just how NOT good a writer she is. (I probably wouldn't have minded the functional-but-no-more writing if she hadn't kept talking about her writing career.) She also keeps telling us that she's a humorous writer, but again, she's not. Plus, the title makes no sense; there are no skeptics here, and there is a rabbi, but I wouldn't have thought he would be a titular character.
Then there's the bigger problem for me that she emphasizes repeatedly that the different strains of Judaism need to be open-minded about one another, somehow forgetting her own repeated digs at Reform Judaism! Really what she wants is for non-Orthodox Jews to make fewer assumptions about Orthodox Jews, and that's a fine goal, but it's undermined by the fact that she is more than willing to tell us that basically everyone is better than Reform Jews. This really pissed me off (I'm a Reform Jew, but I hope I'd be pissed off at this hypocrisy even if I weren't), and so I hate-read the book almost from the beginning.
And then, reluctantly, I decided I had to give the memoir two stars instead of one, because normally I would have just ditched a book that I wasn't enjoying, but in this case I felt compelled to keep reading all the way to the end, getting grumpier and grumpier about Gruen but somehow not putting the book down. Grrr.
A much better memoir that explores similar territory is _Miriam's Kitchen_ by Elizabeth Ehrlich.
Then there's the bigger problem for me that she emphasizes repeatedly that the different strains of Judaism need to be open-minded about one another, somehow forgetting her own repeated digs at Reform Judaism! Really what she wants is for non-Orthodox Jews to make fewer assumptions about Orthodox Jews, and that's a fine goal, but it's undermined by the fact that she is more than willing to tell us that basically everyone is better than Reform Jews. This really pissed me off (I'm a Reform Jew, but I hope I'd be pissed off at this hypocrisy even if I weren't), and so I hate-read the book almost from the beginning.
And then, reluctantly, I decided I had to give the memoir two stars instead of one, because normally I would have just ditched a book that I wasn't enjoying, but in this case I felt compelled to keep reading all the way to the end, getting grumpier and grumpier about Gruen but somehow not putting the book down. Grrr.
A much better memoir that explores similar territory is _Miriam's Kitchen_ by Elizabeth Ehrlich.
April 16, 2018
Most books about Orthodox Judaism I’ve come across in the last few years written by women have them “fleeing” for their lives. This one instead is the story of how a Jewish woman embraced Orthodox Judaism when she never thought for a minute she ever would as a child or teenager. Ah, but then she hit her 20s in the 1980s and the author found herself still single and not wanting to be. She finally finds a great guy, but he was heading for the Orthodox life. Would she, too?
Although Mrs. Gruen strongly resisted at first, she then decided to learn a lot more about Orthodoxy, but eventually tried to break up with her boyfriend over the matter. There would be no breakup, though, and she would end up both married and Orthodox. Yet she made it crystal clear she would never wear a wig. Only, she does end up doing so; not after being pressured by anyone, but because she felt she needed to set a good example for her first child. She had three boys in four years and then a daughter.
This memoir is mostly about Judy Gruen’s childhood and the years before she had the children. Thus, it doesn’t feel like a complete story in many ways. It’s like we are reading about the “early years” of her life and her marriage, and then she just reappears in her 50s to finish the story. A big chunk of the story seems to be missing. Nevertheless, it’s an interesting enough read as it is; although my mind drifted off sometimes when the author discussed Orthodox beliefs and practices, which was obviously quite often. While the Orthodox life is not for everyone, Mrs. Gruen appears to have no regrets.
Although Mrs. Gruen strongly resisted at first, she then decided to learn a lot more about Orthodoxy, but eventually tried to break up with her boyfriend over the matter. There would be no breakup, though, and she would end up both married and Orthodox. Yet she made it crystal clear she would never wear a wig. Only, she does end up doing so; not after being pressured by anyone, but because she felt she needed to set a good example for her first child. She had three boys in four years and then a daughter.
This memoir is mostly about Judy Gruen’s childhood and the years before she had the children. Thus, it doesn’t feel like a complete story in many ways. It’s like we are reading about the “early years” of her life and her marriage, and then she just reappears in her 50s to finish the story. A big chunk of the story seems to be missing. Nevertheless, it’s an interesting enough read as it is; although my mind drifted off sometimes when the author discussed Orthodox beliefs and practices, which was obviously quite often. While the Orthodox life is not for everyone, Mrs. Gruen appears to have no regrets.
February 19, 2023
In full disclosure, I had a deeply unpleasant personal interaction with the author, where she was extremely hateful and abusive, a bully who engaged in personal insults, but I don’t hold that against a book. I love Roald Dahl’s books while not being a personal fan of him.
So I made every effort to give this writer a fair chance, but I was deeply disappointed. Boring with incredibly canned humor, I'm not sure what was so interesting about the story that it needed to be written down. There was very little skepticism, the writer seems to have refused to engage with any real critique, and accepts ideas such as Mikva blithely. It reminds me of reading the Duggar family writing.
Skeptic isn’t the S word I would use. Extremely snide and full of self-praise, shallow, stupid, selfish, self absorbed, smug, slow, is more like it. This is a book that seeks to validate the author’s choices, not intellectually explore them.
Her conversation with her idea of a god over eating a non kosher sandwich was memorably cringeworthy. It isn’t a funny anecdote or a profound spiritual experience, it sounds like a gullible woman (which she denies she is) with apophenia. With kindness, I think she needs a psychiatrist more than a rabbi.
So I made every effort to give this writer a fair chance, but I was deeply disappointed. Boring with incredibly canned humor, I'm not sure what was so interesting about the story that it needed to be written down. There was very little skepticism, the writer seems to have refused to engage with any real critique, and accepts ideas such as Mikva blithely. It reminds me of reading the Duggar family writing.
Skeptic isn’t the S word I would use. Extremely snide and full of self-praise, shallow, stupid, selfish, self absorbed, smug, slow, is more like it. This is a book that seeks to validate the author’s choices, not intellectually explore them.
Her conversation with her idea of a god over eating a non kosher sandwich was memorably cringeworthy. It isn’t a funny anecdote or a profound spiritual experience, it sounds like a gullible woman (which she denies she is) with apophenia. With kindness, I think she needs a psychiatrist more than a rabbi.
October 16, 2017
I thought this would be much better. I loved her writing and the concept of the book but the truth is, it wasn't all that great. In fact, I put it down with 30 pages left unread.
March 6, 2018
I wasn't super excited about it. The writing is fine and the subject material is interesting but it's not exactly the book of the century. Disappointing.
January 8, 2018
In an age when turning off your cell phone can seem countercultural, actually keeping the Sabbath may seem downright alien. But ironically, it's that dissonance that makes The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith so appealing.
Raised in a Reformed Jewish home, author Judy Gruen was quite comfortable living her upwardly mobile secular life. Granted, she'd grown up attending synagogue with her mother and maternal grandparents, Polish immigrants whose Conservative Judaism struck her as stern and joyless. But her family's religious practice extended little beyond Shabbos dinner on Friday nights and Passover with her Nana and Papa Cohen. Her paternal grandparents, Cece and Papa Rosenfeld, were even less religious; as Gruen describes them, they were good humanists whose "broadly intellectual, even cosmopolitan and fun life" appealed to her greatly.
The tension represented by these strikingly different grandparents ultimately surfaces in Gruen herself. A feminist with all the usual liberal credentials, she nonetheless wants a more intimate experience of her own Jewish faith. "As a teenager," she writes, "I tasted occasional moments of spiritual uplift, moments that touched me and left me craving more." A post-bat mitzvah trip to Israel and a post-college graduation trip to the Soviet Union to reconnect with family only intensified this longing. "I lived in the freest country the world had ever know," Gruen recalls, "and I was determined not to squander that freedom but to embrace my Jewish identity fully."
The Skeptic and the Rabbi follows Gruen as she does just that. Through her growing relationship with Jeff, who is also on a quest for a greater spiritual depth, she tests the waters of Orthodoxy--hesitantly, even disapprovingly at first, for by no means is this an overnight conversion. One by one, Gruen confronts the strictures imposed by this new Torah life, fighting a host of assumptions and misconceptions along the way. Writing with humor and astonishing candor, Gruen depicts a journey that is authentic and life-giving. It's a joy to accompany her on the way.
What makes The Skeptic and the Rabbi so refreshing, beyond Gruen's ability to spin a good story, is its portrayal of an individual who is thoughtfully choosing her path, a path frequently at odds with the culture. Equally important is the utter freedom Gruen has to accept or reject the practices of a more Orthodox life. At no time does her community or her husband pressure her to make the choices they have made; she is left to follow her own mind and heart.
Writing in the Foreword, Gruen's friend and sometime mentor Michael Medved wisely observes, "When an individual pursues a new religious path, she may hear angels singing or bells ringing, but it's the beginning, not the end, of her most important story. Any seeker who longs for a climactic resolution of all doubts and divisions, capped with the words 'and they lived happily ever after,' won't find such trite conclusions in religious congregations of any denomination."
While offering the reader a greater understanding of Orthodox practices, Gruen's memoir can speak to a person of any faith--or even none. Indeed, the experience she describes could easily belong to a young Muslim woman who chooses to wear the hijab in defiance of her family, or a Christian who forgoes a lucrative career to work with the poor. At heart, this is a book about finding and claiming one's identity, about authentic choices, about embracing tradition out of love and not duty.
by Susan Hanson
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
Raised in a Reformed Jewish home, author Judy Gruen was quite comfortable living her upwardly mobile secular life. Granted, she'd grown up attending synagogue with her mother and maternal grandparents, Polish immigrants whose Conservative Judaism struck her as stern and joyless. But her family's religious practice extended little beyond Shabbos dinner on Friday nights and Passover with her Nana and Papa Cohen. Her paternal grandparents, Cece and Papa Rosenfeld, were even less religious; as Gruen describes them, they were good humanists whose "broadly intellectual, even cosmopolitan and fun life" appealed to her greatly.
The tension represented by these strikingly different grandparents ultimately surfaces in Gruen herself. A feminist with all the usual liberal credentials, she nonetheless wants a more intimate experience of her own Jewish faith. "As a teenager," she writes, "I tasted occasional moments of spiritual uplift, moments that touched me and left me craving more." A post-bat mitzvah trip to Israel and a post-college graduation trip to the Soviet Union to reconnect with family only intensified this longing. "I lived in the freest country the world had ever know," Gruen recalls, "and I was determined not to squander that freedom but to embrace my Jewish identity fully."
The Skeptic and the Rabbi follows Gruen as she does just that. Through her growing relationship with Jeff, who is also on a quest for a greater spiritual depth, she tests the waters of Orthodoxy--hesitantly, even disapprovingly at first, for by no means is this an overnight conversion. One by one, Gruen confronts the strictures imposed by this new Torah life, fighting a host of assumptions and misconceptions along the way. Writing with humor and astonishing candor, Gruen depicts a journey that is authentic and life-giving. It's a joy to accompany her on the way.
What makes The Skeptic and the Rabbi so refreshing, beyond Gruen's ability to spin a good story, is its portrayal of an individual who is thoughtfully choosing her path, a path frequently at odds with the culture. Equally important is the utter freedom Gruen has to accept or reject the practices of a more Orthodox life. At no time does her community or her husband pressure her to make the choices they have made; she is left to follow her own mind and heart.
Writing in the Foreword, Gruen's friend and sometime mentor Michael Medved wisely observes, "When an individual pursues a new religious path, she may hear angels singing or bells ringing, but it's the beginning, not the end, of her most important story. Any seeker who longs for a climactic resolution of all doubts and divisions, capped with the words 'and they lived happily ever after,' won't find such trite conclusions in religious congregations of any denomination."
While offering the reader a greater understanding of Orthodox practices, Gruen's memoir can speak to a person of any faith--or even none. Indeed, the experience she describes could easily belong to a young Muslim woman who chooses to wear the hijab in defiance of her family, or a Christian who forgoes a lucrative career to work with the poor. At heart, this is a book about finding and claiming one's identity, about authentic choices, about embracing tradition out of love and not duty.
by Susan Hanson
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
November 8, 2019
Wow I loved this book! Because I’ve enjoyed the author’s books in the past, I thought I’d give it a try. I didn’t expect to learn so much. It was light hearted for a heavy subject. Easy listening for difficult concepts.
I heard I might like to speed up the pace of the reader, which is an option on audiobooks. But I found the opposite to be true. I’d push pause to give me a chance to think. Maybe this is because I’d listen while walking or driving. (I listened to the book while starting back my exercise routine, which I normally dread. But looking forward to the book got me through the first weeks of commitment.) I enjoyed the reader and her accents helped to bring the memories to life. I never expected to learn answers to questions I’ve had about religion—especially not here. Especially not painlessly. I have a much better understanding of what seemed to me to be out dated and sexist traditions. Judy Gruen takes us on a nostalgic journey through her life and along the way we learn how she transformed her views. It is her open mind that draws us in. This could easily be the author’s literary legacy.
I heard I might like to speed up the pace of the reader, which is an option on audiobooks. But I found the opposite to be true. I’d push pause to give me a chance to think. Maybe this is because I’d listen while walking or driving. (I listened to the book while starting back my exercise routine, which I normally dread. But looking forward to the book got me through the first weeks of commitment.) I enjoyed the reader and her accents helped to bring the memories to life. I never expected to learn answers to questions I’ve had about religion—especially not here. Especially not painlessly. I have a much better understanding of what seemed to me to be out dated and sexist traditions. Judy Gruen takes us on a nostalgic journey through her life and along the way we learn how she transformed her views. It is her open mind that draws us in. This could easily be the author’s literary legacy.
June 12, 2018
Amazingly beautiful!
I have recently begun digging into the Jewish roots of my faith. I'm sure exactly where to begin I didn't know what to expect when I got this book but I was so quickly drawn in and it wasn't long before I finished reading this one. It's amazing how everything comes to life within the pages of this book. So many amazing things I learned simple details that weren't as simple as I once thought. And so many wonderful ideas I gained for myself as to how to move forward and live this out within my family. Are Bible the Torah is a book of Truth. Our God is a God never changes. As I read this I am reminded again and again of how we who desire to hear and choose to obey really are one family. Certainly we are all on different paths in our walk with God but it has a wonderful reminder that truly so long as we are all seeking every thing that we do hopefully is an encouragement to another.
I have recently begun digging into the Jewish roots of my faith. I'm sure exactly where to begin I didn't know what to expect when I got this book but I was so quickly drawn in and it wasn't long before I finished reading this one. It's amazing how everything comes to life within the pages of this book. So many amazing things I learned simple details that weren't as simple as I once thought. And so many wonderful ideas I gained for myself as to how to move forward and live this out within my family. Are Bible the Torah is a book of Truth. Our God is a God never changes. As I read this I am reminded again and again of how we who desire to hear and choose to obey really are one family. Certainly we are all on different paths in our walk with God but it has a wonderful reminder that truly so long as we are all seeking every thing that we do hopefully is an encouragement to another.
August 16, 2017
Judy's memoir is such a refreshing book and the pleasurable read. The stores are flooded with memoirs filled with negativity, and finally somebody is able to talk about life challenges in an optimistic and encouraging way. It's beautiful to see somebody portray other people's beliefs in such a nonjudgmental way, while being very firm with their own.
While reading this book you really get a full picture of the challenges and the beauty of Judaism in its most authentic expression. I'm sure this will be a source of inspiration for so many people that are on a similar journey. I was definitely inspired by it, and I've recommended it to many friends.
I believe that people from all walks of life, and all backgrounds and beliefs will really appreciate this book and its strong message.
While reading this book you really get a full picture of the challenges and the beauty of Judaism in its most authentic expression. I'm sure this will be a source of inspiration for so many people that are on a similar journey. I was definitely inspired by it, and I've recommended it to many friends.
I believe that people from all walks of life, and all backgrounds and beliefs will really appreciate this book and its strong message.
August 23, 2017
I really enjoyed reading about Judy's journey to a more Orthodox lifestyle. As someone who is already Orthodox, I was very familiar with the world she described but still appreciated hearing the author describe how she dealt with some of the tensions between her life "before" and her life "after" (a deeper commitment to religion). I especially appreciated her honesty in writing about her struggles to accept parts of Orthodox Judaism - especially those that seemed counter to her feminist ideals. I am excited about this new genre of books that attempt to explain the attraction of religion to those who were raised in a more secular framework - since many recent books about the Orthodox community have been about people who leave it.
October 30, 2018
This author was raised in a Jewish household with contradictory influences from her parents and grandparents. I’m rather ignorant when it comes to the Jewish faith—having been raised Southern Baptist, but think I’m a lot like the author’s paternal grandmother, Cece!
Gruen helps individuals (like me) better understand the sacrifices necessary to live a dedicated Orthodox lifestyle. I enjoyed the way she wove all her extended family members into this story, expressing concerns about some of the “requirements” she would have to embrace if she chose this stricter Jewish practice—and she has the ability to find the humor in her mistakes along the way. The Skeptic and the Rabbi is a beautifully written memoir about truly falling in love with your faith.
Gruen helps individuals (like me) better understand the sacrifices necessary to live a dedicated Orthodox lifestyle. I enjoyed the way she wove all her extended family members into this story, expressing concerns about some of the “requirements” she would have to embrace if she chose this stricter Jewish practice—and she has the ability to find the humor in her mistakes along the way. The Skeptic and the Rabbi is a beautifully written memoir about truly falling in love with your faith.
February 16, 2025
I'm not quite sure how this book came into my kindle library, or why I picked it to read when I did. But, here we are. It was kind of interesting, I learned a few things, but mostly I was glad when I reached the end. I think maybe this book had a similar effect to when you visit your friend's Bible study in the middle of the course-- you've got the gist of the lesson (because it's the same Bible after all), but you don't know if you're supposed to be taking that one woman's theologically iffy comment seriously, and the prayer requests are all inside baseball, and when it's over, you're saying in your head that you thought your 2 churches had more in common than they apparently do.
June 11, 2019
Loved this memoir! This story is about how conversion can be a slow and painful, yet worthwhile, process. The story begins with the author's massive skepticism towards orthodox Jewish laws and ideals, and the story ends with joyfully converted (mostly). I liked that it didn't end on a sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice note. She was still struggling to convert to some orthodox laws, but she was never willing to give up on her Jewish beliefs. This book was written for people who are unfamiliar with Jewish religion and culture, such as myself. It was a great and easy read.
September 24, 2020
Charming, highly readable account of a young woman's journey to Orthodox Judaism. Judy Gruen (nee Rosenfeld) came from a typically assimilated family in California. Her family, particularly one pair of grandparents, maintained some traditions, and apparently inculcated in her a love for Israel. She developed her love of writing and became a journalist in the humorist, self-deprecating style of Erma Bombeck, whom she greatly admired. Ms. Gruen's own wit shines through, and she writes with the fluidness of a trained journalist. Sometimes, though, the style gets a little grating. But she is never dull.
The book begins with her wedding day, and the nervousness over making a great commitment. Judy had met her future husband Jeff, a ba'al teshuva (newly Orthodox Jew) who returned from Israel (Aish HaTorah, a famous outreach institute) fired up. Together they became involved in the Pacific Torah Center, a small synagogue run by a South African, Rabbi Daniel Lapin. Adopting a lifestyle full of rules, rituals, and obligations was an enormous transition for a Westernized, free spirit like her, but she does make the change -- gradually, and awkwardly. She writes about mistakes in kashruth, the decision to wear a wig (covering her hair after marriage, according to Jewish law), or friction with her family. But over the years she and her husband have matured in their knowledge, having children -- and now grandchildren -- and watching their faith deepen.
A former Californian myself, I excitedly recognized the names and areas -- her childhood in "the Valley" and her involvement in the "little shul on Venice Beach." Like hers, my family was assimilated. Hers, though happy, suffered tragedy when her brother was killed in a car accident. As far as Judaism, Ms. Gruen was a little after my time -- coming into it in the late 1980s. I became Sabbath-observant in 1982, while she, still secular, was visiting her relatives in the former Soviet Union.
I visited Rabbi Lapin's shul while exploring Jewish communities in my early ba'al teshuva days. Though less enamored, I remember the earnestness of the congregation, presided by the famous writer Michael Medved. Both he and Rabbi Lapin have since moved to Seattle. I would love to have learned more about what became of that shul since then.
Ms. Gruen writes eloquently of the beauty of the Sabbath (common starting point for returnees) and the special joy of Jewish weddings, while debunking many of the misconceptions about "archaic" or "narrow-minded" religious people. This book would be ideal for those exploring Judaism and deciding whether to take the plunge into Torah observance, which is highly consuming but highly rewarding.
The book begins with her wedding day, and the nervousness over making a great commitment. Judy had met her future husband Jeff, a ba'al teshuva (newly Orthodox Jew) who returned from Israel (Aish HaTorah, a famous outreach institute) fired up. Together they became involved in the Pacific Torah Center, a small synagogue run by a South African, Rabbi Daniel Lapin. Adopting a lifestyle full of rules, rituals, and obligations was an enormous transition for a Westernized, free spirit like her, but she does make the change -- gradually, and awkwardly. She writes about mistakes in kashruth, the decision to wear a wig (covering her hair after marriage, according to Jewish law), or friction with her family. But over the years she and her husband have matured in their knowledge, having children -- and now grandchildren -- and watching their faith deepen.
A former Californian myself, I excitedly recognized the names and areas -- her childhood in "the Valley" and her involvement in the "little shul on Venice Beach." Like hers, my family was assimilated. Hers, though happy, suffered tragedy when her brother was killed in a car accident. As far as Judaism, Ms. Gruen was a little after my time -- coming into it in the late 1980s. I became Sabbath-observant in 1982, while she, still secular, was visiting her relatives in the former Soviet Union.
I visited Rabbi Lapin's shul while exploring Jewish communities in my early ba'al teshuva days. Though less enamored, I remember the earnestness of the congregation, presided by the famous writer Michael Medved. Both he and Rabbi Lapin have since moved to Seattle. I would love to have learned more about what became of that shul since then.
Ms. Gruen writes eloquently of the beauty of the Sabbath (common starting point for returnees) and the special joy of Jewish weddings, while debunking many of the misconceptions about "archaic" or "narrow-minded" religious people. This book would be ideal for those exploring Judaism and deciding whether to take the plunge into Torah observance, which is highly consuming but highly rewarding.
June 24, 2018
There is so much I can relate to in her story
Judy Gruen makes her memoir about embracing Jewish religious observances extremely warm and with a healthy sprinkling of humor. It can probably resonate with people from any faith. This is a very realistic look at Orthodox Judaism through the eyes of a woman who had many preconceived ideas. Easy reading, not one iota is preachy, rather it is a story of a totally normal woman.
Judy Gruen makes her memoir about embracing Jewish religious observances extremely warm and with a healthy sprinkling of humor. It can probably resonate with people from any faith. This is a very realistic look at Orthodox Judaism through the eyes of a woman who had many preconceived ideas. Easy reading, not one iota is preachy, rather it is a story of a totally normal woman.
January 6, 2018
This book made me think deeply about my own religious choices. It is well written and honest about the good and the bad. As an active, committed, Reform Jew I really enjoyed Gruen's non-judgemental thoughts about people who take different religious paths. As a librarian, I think this book would be a wonderful book to discuss in a book club.
July 24, 2018
When I heard about this book on Rabbi Lapin's podcast, I knew I wanted to read it. I am completely pleased with this book. The writing is enjoyable, with excellent vocabulary, appreciated translations to almost all Hebrew/Yiddish phrases and words, and tasteful humor. Mrs. Gruen shares a lovely story of her journey with so much wisdom woven throughout the book. A grateful reader thanks you, Judy.
September 28, 2023
Warm and open storytelling about choosing one's religious expressions. Interesting to learn about others' believes. Very entertaining. Especially enjoyed the parts about learning about and quriousity towards her faith. Some opinions rubbed me the wrong way, which is fine, and a learning opportunity for me.
May 26, 2021
Inspiring and thoughtful
I found this a very interesting read. I was most impressed by the writer’s honesty about her feelings and how her choice developed through a thoughtful journey. We can all learn from this story.
I found this a very interesting read. I was most impressed by the writer’s honesty about her feelings and how her choice developed through a thoughtful journey. We can all learn from this story.
January 9, 2022
Loved the book..writtten well and interestingly..Since my husband went through a similar journey to becoming religiously observant, I guess I could relate to a lot of the book..Love the humor injected into it, too..Shows that even deeply religious people can laugh too!
January 2, 2023
It went a bit back and forth and I feel probably skipped over a lot of her struggle to accept taken on more stringencies; however, she did a pretty good job showing the varying degrees of Judaism and that Orthodox is not as black and white
November 17, 2017
This book actually reminded me a lot about living in Utah. I loved some parts. Other parts seemed overdone and annoying.
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