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4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work--Anywhere!: Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!"
A How-To Guide for Practicing the Empathic Listening, Speaking, and
Dialogue Skills to Achieve Relationship Success with the Important People in Your Life -- Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!"
Dialogue Skills to Achieve Relationship Success with the Important People in Your Life -- Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!"
131 pages, Paperback
First published April 17, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
February 9, 2018
Very sales like. I felt I was half-way through before anything of substance was mentioned.
October 26, 2021
Short but repetitive book on communication. This had a lot in common with some of the communication info in Human Hacking: Win Friends, Influence People, and Leave Them Better Off for Having Met You - another recent read.
What's the secret here? Empathy - basically listening and putting yourself in the other person's place.
12-day challenge is basically the book in a nutshell:
1 - recognize the unique value & dignity in each person, including yourself
2 - want to listen to the other person
3 - think of the positives in your relationship with each person you communicate with
4 - quiet your mind when others are speaking to you
5 - listen openly when others are speaking to you, connect to their deeper thoughts & meanings
6 - don't interrupt when others are speaking to you
7 - summarize back in your own words what others say to you on important or emotional topics
8 - clarify and organize your thoughts before speaking
9 - express yourself with respect and be sensitive to others
10- express yourself clearly and don't let others have to guess your meaning
11- thank others for listening, verbally where possible, internally if not
12- practice your skills
What's the secret here? Empathy - basically listening and putting yourself in the other person's place.
12-day challenge is basically the book in a nutshell:
1 - recognize the unique value & dignity in each person, including yourself
2 - want to listen to the other person
3 - think of the positives in your relationship with each person you communicate with
4 - quiet your mind when others are speaking to you
5 - listen openly when others are speaking to you, connect to their deeper thoughts & meanings
6 - don't interrupt when others are speaking to you
7 - summarize back in your own words what others say to you on important or emotional topics
8 - clarify and organize your thoughts before speaking
9 - express yourself with respect and be sensitive to others
10- express yourself clearly and don't let others have to guess your meaning
11- thank others for listening, verbally where possible, internally if not
12- practice your skills
October 20, 2018
If you think that you are already a good listener, well buy this book and you will know better. It stresses the importance of listening and most of all empathy in communication. This is an excellent reference to be much better in your communication skills. Thanks to the author for contributing to the success of relationships because of making communication better.
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October 10, 2025(-)⭐️ no rating since my mom made me read it😭 honestly this was a super quick read it made me reconsider how i converse with others
October 31, 2019
Wonderful short book. The book begins by explaining Empathic Awareness Skills which pertain to:
1) Empathy - putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Trying to see things from their worldview. Trying to feel what they feel.
2) Mindful Awareness - We all have a uniqueness and special value in something
3) Skill - like learning to play the guitar, learning how to effectively communicate is a skill that should be broken down into steps, e.g. learning hand placement for chords before strumming full songs.
The book explains an empathic communicator and listener and includes steps to obtain these skills. If something negative happens, pause - reflect - adjust - act. In other words, do not say something in anger that you will regret and cannot be unsaid. The steps are explained. The book also includes information on:
* Interrupting when someone is speaking
* Finishing someone's sentences in an attempt to be "helpful"
* Mirroring what was said back in order to ensure that you fully understood and this let's the speaker know that you were listening
* Apologizing when hard feelings have already been created and how to rectify a situation whether it be a situation from work, spouse, friendship, communication with child
* Are you a "fixer?" The pitfalls that can stem from this and how to "fix it."
* How to express yourself when you are upset and the XYZ statement.
* Three A's: Applaud, Admire and Appreciate
And so much more!
5 Stars from This Reader
1) Empathy - putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Trying to see things from their worldview. Trying to feel what they feel.
2) Mindful Awareness - We all have a uniqueness and special value in something
3) Skill - like learning to play the guitar, learning how to effectively communicate is a skill that should be broken down into steps, e.g. learning hand placement for chords before strumming full songs.
The book explains an empathic communicator and listener and includes steps to obtain these skills. If something negative happens, pause - reflect - adjust - act. In other words, do not say something in anger that you will regret and cannot be unsaid. The steps are explained. The book also includes information on:
* Interrupting when someone is speaking
* Finishing someone's sentences in an attempt to be "helpful"
* Mirroring what was said back in order to ensure that you fully understood and this let's the speaker know that you were listening
* Apologizing when hard feelings have already been created and how to rectify a situation whether it be a situation from work, spouse, friendship, communication with child
* Are you a "fixer?" The pitfalls that can stem from this and how to "fix it."
* How to express yourself when you are upset and the XYZ statement.
* Three A's: Applaud, Admire and Appreciate
And so much more!
5 Stars from This Reader
April 26, 2017
This is a concise book with actionable advice to put into use right away. There were times when I was reading the book and thought, oh my I do that too! (Yikes!) The way Bento C. Leal III explains it makes it relatable and I can immediately start using some of the tips.
My relationships with people I love are important enough to me to want to make a sincere effort to improve. I really appreciated how the book isn't bogged down with clinical and hoity toity terms, but rather real life examples from the workshops he has taught and the people who attended and thrived.
My relationships with people I love are important enough to me to want to make a sincere effort to improve. I really appreciated how the book isn't bogged down with clinical and hoity toity terms, but rather real life examples from the workshops he has taught and the people who attended and thrived.
November 14, 2021
As an empath and a communications major in undergrad, I passionately enjoy the topic of communication. Although not everything in this book was a new concept or revolutionary, there were many good reminders and also new speaking concepts to learn. I found it helpful to breakdown communication at work, with children, relationships, and even acquaintances. Encouraging lines about practice and presence as well.
January 1, 2021
This little book is a motivating reminder of how far an undistracted, empathetic ear can go. While it does not share a vast amount of new information, improved communication and relationships can be expected with the implementation of these practical skills.
February 3, 2018
Just could not get through this - maybe helpful for someone who is new to working in a professional environment.
January 11, 2018
Short and good speed run through practical steps to improving communication in relationships and encounters.
March 9, 2019
As a pastor, I find myself looking for practical resources to work with people, family, and specifically marriages. I found this book an excellent resource since it goes straight to the point with no too much details, but just what you truly need in order to apply it in your everyday life. It is a great tool to use for seminars as well since it has examples, activities, and questions to review, to practice and to apply in real life. It is based on the experiences and knowledge that the author has had during teaching and helping people others. Another positive aspect is that if you don't have much time to read, it is a relatively small book. I read it in about an hour and a half.
November 20, 2023
Simple, yet profound
This was an easy read (even though I started months ago and barely finished. (I don’t do well with kindle books 🤦🏽♀️)
I want to be a better communicator, both in my listening and speaking. This books has easy and helpful steps to follow.
This was an easy read (even though I started months ago and barely finished. (I don’t do well with kindle books 🤦🏽♀️)
I want to be a better communicator, both in my listening and speaking. This books has easy and helpful steps to follow.
September 24, 2022
A wonderful book on interpersonal communication skills.
October 10, 2024
Mostly everything I’ve read before, but it’s always good to review!
June 7, 2024
This unfortunately wasn't the book for me. While I think it does well to introduce the reasons why communication in existing relationships may be struggling, I don't believe this one offered me any information I didn't already know or practice in my daily conversations. It was a frequent recommendation to me from websites as I was purchasing other books online, so I decided to give it a shot. It might be useful for introducing the first broad concept to effective communication for those who need to start there, but I was hoping to get more granular with my communication skills and unfortunately couldn't with the prompting questions in this book.
November 27, 2023
4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication by Bento C. Leal: A Must-Read for Anyone Seeking to Improve Their Relationships
In today's fast-paced world, effective communication is more essential than ever. Whether you're striving for stronger personal connections, enhancing your professional interactions, or simply navigating everyday conversations with greater ease, Bento C. Leal's book, 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication, provides an invaluable guide to achieving meaningful and harmonious relationships.
Leal masterfully distills the complexities of communication into four key principles:
Awareness: Developing a heightened sense of self-awareness and understanding one's own thoughts, feelings, and biases is crucial for effective communication.
Active Listening: True listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it involves actively engaging with the speaker's message, both verbally and nonverbally, to grasp their intent and emotions.
Empathic Speaking: Expressing oneself with empathy and clarity fosters deeper connections and understanding.
Dialogue: Engaging in open and respectful dialogue allows for the exchange of ideas, the resolution of conflicts, and the building of stronger relationships.
Leal's approach is grounded in practical strategies and real-world examples, making the book an engaging and relatable read. He provides concrete tools for overcoming communication barriers, such as identifying and addressing listening blocks, managing emotional triggers, and navigating difficult conversations.
The book's strength lies in its applicability across various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional settings. Leal's insights extend beyond mere communication techniques; he emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and compassion in fostering genuine connections.
Whether you're a seasoned communicator seeking to refine your skills or a novice seeking guidance, 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication is an indispensable resource. Leal's wisdom and practical approach empower readers to transform their communication patterns, enhance their relationships, and achieve greater success in all facets of life.
Key takeaways from the book:
Communication is a two-way street, and effective listening is just as important as expressing oneself clearly.
Empathy is the foundation of meaningful communication, allowing us to connect with others on a deeper level.
Effective communication is not about winning arguments or proving one's rightness; it's about understanding and connecting with others.
Communication is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and relationship building.
I highly recommend 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication to anyone seeking to improve their communication skills, strengthen their relationships, and enhance their overall personal and professional success.
In today's fast-paced world, effective communication is more essential than ever. Whether you're striving for stronger personal connections, enhancing your professional interactions, or simply navigating everyday conversations with greater ease, Bento C. Leal's book, 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication, provides an invaluable guide to achieving meaningful and harmonious relationships.
Leal masterfully distills the complexities of communication into four key principles:
Awareness: Developing a heightened sense of self-awareness and understanding one's own thoughts, feelings, and biases is crucial for effective communication.
Active Listening: True listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it involves actively engaging with the speaker's message, both verbally and nonverbally, to grasp their intent and emotions.
Empathic Speaking: Expressing oneself with empathy and clarity fosters deeper connections and understanding.
Dialogue: Engaging in open and respectful dialogue allows for the exchange of ideas, the resolution of conflicts, and the building of stronger relationships.
Leal's approach is grounded in practical strategies and real-world examples, making the book an engaging and relatable read. He provides concrete tools for overcoming communication barriers, such as identifying and addressing listening blocks, managing emotional triggers, and navigating difficult conversations.
The book's strength lies in its applicability across various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional settings. Leal's insights extend beyond mere communication techniques; he emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and compassion in fostering genuine connections.
Whether you're a seasoned communicator seeking to refine your skills or a novice seeking guidance, 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication is an indispensable resource. Leal's wisdom and practical approach empower readers to transform their communication patterns, enhance their relationships, and achieve greater success in all facets of life.
Key takeaways from the book:
Communication is a two-way street, and effective listening is just as important as expressing oneself clearly.
Empathy is the foundation of meaningful communication, allowing us to connect with others on a deeper level.
Effective communication is not about winning arguments or proving one's rightness; it's about understanding and connecting with others.
Communication is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and relationship building.
I highly recommend 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication to anyone seeking to improve their communication skills, strengthen their relationships, and enhance their overall personal and professional success.
March 11, 2022
Biggest takeaway: Empathic listening is an active act—not to solve problems but to truly understand others.
PURPOSE:
“Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you’re already miles down the road; to redo; to live with unexpressed and unresolved problems; to deal with the results of not giving people psychological air.”
—————
This book may seem simple; however, that’s the point of his book! Many times we think “If only THEY would…” do or say this, then the relationship would be easier. However, once you read through and start to reflect on yourself honestly, you begin to realize how these are not what we naturally do as humans.
First of all, I love that the book roots communication with empathy. Communication is a combination of empathetic listening and speaking. When we don’t love ourselves or love others, it is challenging to have effective communication because communicate stems from valuing someone else enough to listen intently to truly understand someone else’s perspective.
Also, the structure of the book is short, sweet, to the point, and easily organized with practical stories, steps, and examples to immediately put into practice. At the end of the book, the author crafted a 12 day challenge in order to put all the steps into place but focusing on one step at a time! This is super helpful with the application stage of self-help books: actually putting into practice the great advice being given.
I highly recommend this book to every single person out there because I believe we can all learn value tips and life-changing advice.
My Goal:
◽️ Complete the 12 day challenge
◽️ Write a daily reflection for each challenge day
◽️ Each day find 3 people to—applaud, admire, appreciate
◽️ Use the 3 column strategy to be more intentional about nurturing all relationships in my life—think: WHO, WHAT, WHEN
————— favorite quotes ————-
PAUSE —> REFLECT —> ADJUST —> ACT
“I am unique, special, valuable. There is no one else like me in all the world. I am one of a kind with my own unique talents, abilities, and personality. I have much to contribute to this world. I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to grow and strengthen ALL my relationships at home, at work, anywhere! I will strive my best to achieve these goals.”
“It's not what you say, it’s what people hear.”
“Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you’re already miles down the road; to redo; to live with unexpressed and unresolved problems; to deal with the results of not giving people psychological air.”
PURPOSE:
“Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you’re already miles down the road; to redo; to live with unexpressed and unresolved problems; to deal with the results of not giving people psychological air.”
—————
This book may seem simple; however, that’s the point of his book! Many times we think “If only THEY would…” do or say this, then the relationship would be easier. However, once you read through and start to reflect on yourself honestly, you begin to realize how these are not what we naturally do as humans.
First of all, I love that the book roots communication with empathy. Communication is a combination of empathetic listening and speaking. When we don’t love ourselves or love others, it is challenging to have effective communication because communicate stems from valuing someone else enough to listen intently to truly understand someone else’s perspective.
Also, the structure of the book is short, sweet, to the point, and easily organized with practical stories, steps, and examples to immediately put into practice. At the end of the book, the author crafted a 12 day challenge in order to put all the steps into place but focusing on one step at a time! This is super helpful with the application stage of self-help books: actually putting into practice the great advice being given.
I highly recommend this book to every single person out there because I believe we can all learn value tips and life-changing advice.
My Goal:
◽️ Complete the 12 day challenge
◽️ Write a daily reflection for each challenge day
◽️ Each day find 3 people to—applaud, admire, appreciate
◽️ Use the 3 column strategy to be more intentional about nurturing all relationships in my life—think: WHO, WHAT, WHEN
————— favorite quotes ————-
PAUSE —> REFLECT —> ADJUST —> ACT
“I am unique, special, valuable. There is no one else like me in all the world. I am one of a kind with my own unique talents, abilities, and personality. I have much to contribute to this world. I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to grow and strengthen ALL my relationships at home, at work, anywhere! I will strive my best to achieve these goals.”
“It's not what you say, it’s what people hear.”
“Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you’re already miles down the road; to redo; to live with unexpressed and unresolved problems; to deal with the results of not giving people psychological air.”
January 15, 2019
As business books continue to be published on a faster and faster pace, this book does a great job of taking the reader back to arguably the most important business skill - communication. This book describes the method and reasoning for active listening, active speaking and empathetic communication. These techniques require both focus and practice, and are best deployed face to face. This is a simple reminder that everyone you touch professionally and personally is a valuable human being and that if we all slow down and sincerely embrace that fact, we will increase the value of our relationships on all fronts.
Empathy is a learnable skill, and for people like me that are not naturals, this book made me feel that empathy and golf have a lot in common. Such as:
1. The more you practice the better you will play.
2. Your performance is solely up to you.
3. Things that are important take more time than we sometimes wish they did.
4. In tough situations (for me water hazards), you may need a lot of balls.
This book was well written and easy to understand. The author uses language that is plain and clear. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking to increase there ability to build strong relationships, provided they are mature enough to realize that success in this genre is entirely up to you!
Empathy is a learnable skill, and for people like me that are not naturals, this book made me feel that empathy and golf have a lot in common. Such as:
1. The more you practice the better you will play.
2. Your performance is solely up to you.
3. Things that are important take more time than we sometimes wish they did.
4. In tough situations (for me water hazards), you may need a lot of balls.
This book was well written and easy to understand. The author uses language that is plain and clear. I would recommend this book to anyone who is looking to increase there ability to build strong relationships, provided they are mature enough to realize that success in this genre is entirely up to you!
June 21, 2019
Very short and basic yet straight to the point book. Easy to understand and it comes with few exercises to reflect on our daily communication skills. I would really recommend it to those who are looking for a first read on the subject.
August 20, 2020
This is a quick, two hour audio book...... It was excellent.
June 1, 2023
"4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" by Bento C. Leal is a practical and insightful guide that unlocks the secrets to building strong and meaningful connections through communication. With a focus on mindfulness and self-awareness, the book offers valuable tools and strategies for enhancing communication skills and fostering healthy relationships.
One of the greatest strengths of this book is its emphasis on the power of listening. Leal highlights the importance of being fully present and attentive when engaging in conversations, and he provides practical techniques for active listening. By cultivating genuine interest and understanding, readers can create an atmosphere of trust and empathy, leading to more effective and fulfilling communication.
Another key aspect addressed in the book is the significance of nonverbal communication. Leal explores body language, facial expressions, and other nonverbal cues that often go unnoticed but have a profound impact on how messages are received. By becoming aware of these subtleties and learning to align our nonverbal signals with our words, we can enhance our communication skills and convey our messages more authentically.
Additionally, "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" delves into the power of empathy and emotional intelligence. Leal explores how to recognize and validate emotions, both in ourselves and in others, and how to respond with empathy and understanding. By developing these skills, readers can create deeper connections and resolve conflicts with greater compassion and grace.
The book is filled with practical exercises, reflection prompts, and real-life examples that help readers apply the concepts and techniques to their own lives. Leal's writing style is engaging and accessible, making it easy for readers to grasp the key principles and implement them in their daily interactions. The book's structure is well-organized, building upon each key concept in a logical and coherent manner.
While "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" offers valuable insights and practical advice, some readers may find that certain sections could benefit from more in-depth exploration or additional examples. However, the book's focus on mindfulness and self-awareness as foundational elements of effective communication sets it apart from other communication guides, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and enhance their overall communication skills.
In conclusion, "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" is an enlightening and practical guide that equips readers with the tools to become more skillful communicators. Bento C. Leal's emphasis on mindfulness, active listening, nonverbal communication, empathy, and emotional intelligence provides a comprehensive framework for fostering meaningful connections and resolving conflicts. Whether in personal or professional relationships, this book offers invaluable insights for improving communication and creating more fulfilling and harmonious connections with others.
One of the greatest strengths of this book is its emphasis on the power of listening. Leal highlights the importance of being fully present and attentive when engaging in conversations, and he provides practical techniques for active listening. By cultivating genuine interest and understanding, readers can create an atmosphere of trust and empathy, leading to more effective and fulfilling communication.
Another key aspect addressed in the book is the significance of nonverbal communication. Leal explores body language, facial expressions, and other nonverbal cues that often go unnoticed but have a profound impact on how messages are received. By becoming aware of these subtleties and learning to align our nonverbal signals with our words, we can enhance our communication skills and convey our messages more authentically.
Additionally, "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" delves into the power of empathy and emotional intelligence. Leal explores how to recognize and validate emotions, both in ourselves and in others, and how to respond with empathy and understanding. By developing these skills, readers can create deeper connections and resolve conflicts with greater compassion and grace.
The book is filled with practical exercises, reflection prompts, and real-life examples that help readers apply the concepts and techniques to their own lives. Leal's writing style is engaging and accessible, making it easy for readers to grasp the key principles and implement them in their daily interactions. The book's structure is well-organized, building upon each key concept in a logical and coherent manner.
While "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" offers valuable insights and practical advice, some readers may find that certain sections could benefit from more in-depth exploration or additional examples. However, the book's focus on mindfulness and self-awareness as foundational elements of effective communication sets it apart from other communication guides, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and enhance their overall communication skills.
In conclusion, "4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication" is an enlightening and practical guide that equips readers with the tools to become more skillful communicators. Bento C. Leal's emphasis on mindfulness, active listening, nonverbal communication, empathy, and emotional intelligence provides a comprehensive framework for fostering meaningful connections and resolving conflicts. Whether in personal or professional relationships, this book offers invaluable insights for improving communication and creating more fulfilling and harmonious connections with others.
January 31, 2024
Why do we communicate? - each person is unique, special, invaluable.
Give someone your full attention. Don’t formulate a response before they’re finished. A lot of times that means you’re not fully listening and just want to say what you want to say.
Do not use accusatory statements. Use ""XYZ statements. X is what happened. Y is how it impacted you and made you feel. Z is what each of you can do about it.
Practice does not achieve perfect. Practice achieves permanence.
1. Empathetic Listening:
This involves actively listening to what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective and feelings. It’s about being fully present in the conversation, not just hearing but also showing understanding and empathy towards the speaker.
2. Expressing Yourself Clearly and Effectively:
This key focuses on being open and honest in your communication. It’s about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a direct yet respectful way. This helps in avoiding misunderstandings and ensures that your message is conveyed as intended.
3. Handling Unresolved Issues and Conflicts Constructively:
This key deals with addressing and resolving conflicts in a positive manner. It emphasizes the importance of approaching conflicts with a problem-solving attitude, rather than being confrontational or avoidant.
4. Practicing Praise and Appreciation:
Regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of others and their contributions can significantly enhance relationships. This key is about focusing on the positive, offering genuine praise, and showing appreciation for others.
Give someone your full attention. Don’t formulate a response before they’re finished. A lot of times that means you’re not fully listening and just want to say what you want to say.
Do not use accusatory statements. Use ""XYZ statements. X is what happened. Y is how it impacted you and made you feel. Z is what each of you can do about it.
Practice does not achieve perfect. Practice achieves permanence.
1. Empathetic Listening:
This involves actively listening to what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective and feelings. It’s about being fully present in the conversation, not just hearing but also showing understanding and empathy towards the speaker.
2. Expressing Yourself Clearly and Effectively:
This key focuses on being open and honest in your communication. It’s about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a direct yet respectful way. This helps in avoiding misunderstandings and ensures that your message is conveyed as intended.
3. Handling Unresolved Issues and Conflicts Constructively:
This key deals with addressing and resolving conflicts in a positive manner. It emphasizes the importance of approaching conflicts with a problem-solving attitude, rather than being confrontational or avoidant.
4. Practicing Praise and Appreciation:
Regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of others and their contributions can significantly enhance relationships. This key is about focusing on the positive, offering genuine praise, and showing appreciation for others.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 4, 2020
To me, "4 Essential Keys..." seemed more about respecting and understanding people than about improving communication skills. It's true that empathy is a necessary factor in connecting positively with others, but in the short 107 pages of this book the author uses a form of the word "empathy" 113 times. This character trait is heavily stressed, to say the least.
I believe the principles stated by Leal may be helpful to couples in new relationships. Conflicts would surely be worked through more easily if the individuals involved take Leal's advice to see one another's point of view. But, as for competent speakers/listeners looking for help in enhancing these skills in everyday living, I feel it is lacking.
There is a suggestion in Chapter 11 that I found worthwhile. Leal gives an example of a chart used for tending relationships. It's an aid which is helpful in staying in contact with people in our lives.
"4 Essential Keys..." is a short, easy read-just not what I was hoping for.
I believe the principles stated by Leal may be helpful to couples in new relationships. Conflicts would surely be worked through more easily if the individuals involved take Leal's advice to see one another's point of view. But, as for competent speakers/listeners looking for help in enhancing these skills in everyday living, I feel it is lacking.
There is a suggestion in Chapter 11 that I found worthwhile. Leal gives an example of a chart used for tending relationships. It's an aid which is helpful in staying in contact with people in our lives.
"4 Essential Keys..." is a short, easy read-just not what I was hoping for.
June 26, 2021
I bought this book without any real urgent need to improve my communication skills. I’m not a bad communicator. Sure, but I’ve been known to lack speaking tact, and occasionally words go in one ear and out the other when I listen, but poor communication has never really haunted me. So, this book was purchased mostly out of curiosity. The four keys all refer to empathetic skills: Awareness, Listening, Speaking and Dialogue. Leal begins with empathy’s definition, “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Empathetic Awareness: Recognize the value of yourself and the other person. Set the stage for meaningful dialogue. Empathetic Listening: Listen openly and fully. Repeat back what the other person has said to you. Empathetic Speaking: Think before you speak and pause occasionally for responses. Empathetic Dialogue: Tie it all together. At the end of the book, there is a 12-day challenge. I did not participate. “4 Essential Keys” is a quick read and gives plenty of examples of how to say something - and how not to say something. There are a handful of quotes sprinkled throughout and I found these even more insightful than Leal’s words. “Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” – Margaret Cousins. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R Covey.
June 30, 2021
My first thoughts were that such a long title can't be an example of effective communication. Smaller simpler words could surely have been used. However as it was highly recommended, I gave it a try, and after getting about half way through the first chapter (on empathetic listening) I realised that firstly the writer was not an effective communicator, and secondly that in thinking this, I was not Empathetically Listening and therefore this book was clearly meant for someone like me.
I stand by the statement that the writer isn't a great writer but he does have some good ideas, his examples are a bit patronising and his methods could be easier to understand but if you're open enough to accepting that you've still got something to learn then there is still method behind the madness. Even if it required plenty more work than was needed to get there, read slowly with plenty of reflection time and try to apply basic principles to different parts of your life and you will learn something.
I stand by the statement that the writer isn't a great writer but he does have some good ideas, his examples are a bit patronising and his methods could be easier to understand but if you're open enough to accepting that you've still got something to learn then there is still method behind the madness. Even if it required plenty more work than was needed to get there, read slowly with plenty of reflection time and try to apply basic principles to different parts of your life and you will learn something.
Want to read
June 27, 2023Two of the most common communication faux pas are the failure to effectively listen and the failure to adequately express yourself to others. These issues result in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and the inability to resolve problems.
In 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication, Bento C. Leal argues that these communication errors are the most damaging to relationships. However, he claims you can avoid these mistakes and their negative outcomes by learning how to integrate empathy into every step of the communication process. In this guide, we’ll explore three important abilities that will allow you to do this: approaching conversations with empathy, listening with empathy, and expressing yourself with empathy. In our commentary, we’ll discuss other recommendations for communicating effectively from books like Nonviolent Communication (Marshall B. Rosenberg) and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey).
In 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication, Bento C. Leal argues that these communication errors are the most damaging to relationships. However, he claims you can avoid these mistakes and their negative outcomes by learning how to integrate empathy into every step of the communication process. In this guide, we’ll explore three important abilities that will allow you to do this: approaching conversations with empathy, listening with empathy, and expressing yourself with empathy. In our commentary, we’ll discuss other recommendations for communicating effectively from books like Nonviolent Communication (Marshall B. Rosenberg) and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey).
October 17, 2024
I was told by my employer that I’ve been bad at communicating recently, so I was forced to read this book as a part of my career development. It’s hard as a non-empathetic person (literally in my bottom 5 of my Clifton Strengths) to read a book about communicating through empathy. The book is set up to only be beneficial to those who can apply empathy to a conversation, but that’s just not who I am. If you, like myself, approach communication with logic and strategy then it will make this feel pointless to read. So I’ll take being dubbed a bad communicator and not empathetic if it means I don’t have to fix myself for somebody who won’t fix themselves in return.
If you’re a naturally empathetic person then you’ll love this, just imagine I’ve given it 5 stars!
Two stars because I was able to take away the XYZ statements as something I can utilize, only because the strategy of the statement is set up like an equation, and that makes every bit of logical sense to me.
If you’re a naturally empathetic person then you’ll love this, just imagine I’ve given it 5 stars!
Two stars because I was able to take away the XYZ statements as something I can utilize, only because the strategy of the statement is set up like an equation, and that makes every bit of logical sense to me.
April 5, 2021
I found this book to be really useful! There were many times where I read a section about a form of bad communication and came to the realisation that I do that bad trait (if I'm being honest).
Common examples being talking over someone (not to be rude but to get my point across). The book has made me realise it's best to not pre-empt what people are going to say and just let them finish speaking, especially if they're venting. Your role is to be a listener... You don't always need to "fix" the problem/come up with solutions.
Another example is listening to speak rather than understand. A concept taken from Robert Covey's book but nonetheless a useful reminder.
All in all, I'm pleased to have come across this book and (hopefully) become a better communicator now that I'm more conscious of my mistakes!
Common examples being talking over someone (not to be rude but to get my point across). The book has made me realise it's best to not pre-empt what people are going to say and just let them finish speaking, especially if they're venting. Your role is to be a listener... You don't always need to "fix" the problem/come up with solutions.
Another example is listening to speak rather than understand. A concept taken from Robert Covey's book but nonetheless a useful reminder.
All in all, I'm pleased to have come across this book and (hopefully) become a better communicator now that I'm more conscious of my mistakes!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 20, 2025
Not Wrong, Per Se
This book isn’t bad or wrong, per se. One nice thing about it is that it’s a very quick read — took me less than an hour.
My biggest criticism is that it’s shallow. It feels like the kind of book a person might have written just to put the “author” credential on their resume or to establish themselves as an “authority” on a topic.
Again, there isn’t anything in the book with which I strongly disagree, apart from the obsession with empathy. I tend to agree with Paul Bloom on the topic of empathy, which means I find Leal’s views on empathetic communication a bit unpersuasive.
Apart from my Kindle Unlimited subscription’s cost, I paid nothing to read this book. I guess it’s true that one tends to get what he pays for.
This book isn’t bad or wrong, per se. One nice thing about it is that it’s a very quick read — took me less than an hour.
My biggest criticism is that it’s shallow. It feels like the kind of book a person might have written just to put the “author” credential on their resume or to establish themselves as an “authority” on a topic.
Again, there isn’t anything in the book with which I strongly disagree, apart from the obsession with empathy. I tend to agree with Paul Bloom on the topic of empathy, which means I find Leal’s views on empathetic communication a bit unpersuasive.
Apart from my Kindle Unlimited subscription’s cost, I paid nothing to read this book. I guess it’s true that one tends to get what he pays for.
October 15, 2019
This shares pretty basic and well known guidance on effective communication, so good for anyone who is not familiar with that.
The one nugget I gained: when you are communicating, they say always repeat what the other person said in your own words back to them, which I have always thought was stupid and refused to do. What I learned this advice really means is, state what you take from what the person said, or what is your interpretation of what was just said, what is the message the other individual is trying to relate? This makes more sense to me! That would help eliminate miscommunications!
Kind of a duh and aha moment for me.
The one nugget I gained: when you are communicating, they say always repeat what the other person said in your own words back to them, which I have always thought was stupid and refused to do. What I learned this advice really means is, state what you take from what the person said, or what is your interpretation of what was just said, what is the message the other individual is trying to relate? This makes more sense to me! That would help eliminate miscommunications!
Kind of a duh and aha moment for me.
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