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The Not So Subtle Art of Being a Fat Girl: Loving the Skin You're In
MOM. FEMINIST. PLUS SIZE. SUPERMODEL. LOUD. PROUD. BODY ACTIVIST. BEAUTIFUL. BUSINESS WOMAN. HOMEMAKER. CAT OWNER. FUNNY. OUTSPOKEN. WIFE. DAUGHTER. LOVER. FIGHTER. SURVIVOR. #effyourbeautystandards. Tess Holliday is many things and perfect is not one of them. But she loves her imperfections—after all, they’ve formed the woman she is today. Tess’s number one rule in life is to love yourself no matter who you are, what your faults may be, where you come from, or what dress size you wear! It’s this discovery that has helped her through life—from being abused and bullied about her weight, to raising a kid alone and fending off social media trolls. Now here in this amusingly candid account, the woman at the forefront of the body positive movement—who has been credited with transforming the fashion industry—explains why you should be happy to make mistakes but how to properly learn from them, as well as how to love your imperfections and be comfortable in your own skin, no matter how much you have.
Tess Holliday is many things and perfect is not one of them. But she loves her imperfections—after all, they’ve formed the woman she is today. Tess’s number one rule in life is to love yourself no matter who you are, what your faults may be, where you come from, or what dress size you wear! It’s this discovery that has helped her through life—from being abused and bullied about her weight, to raising a kid alone and fending off social media trolls.
Now here in this amusingly candid account, the woman at the forefront of the body positive movement—who has been credited with transforming the fashion industry—explains why you should be happy to make mistakes but how to properly learn from them, as well as how to love your imperfections and be comfortable in your own skin, no matter how much you have.
Tess Holliday is many things and perfect is not one of them. But she loves her imperfections—after all, they’ve formed the woman she is today. Tess’s number one rule in life is to love yourself no matter who you are, what your faults may be, where you come from, or what dress size you wear! It’s this discovery that has helped her through life—from being abused and bullied about her weight, to raising a kid alone and fending off social media trolls.
Now here in this amusingly candid account, the woman at the forefront of the body positive movement—who has been credited with transforming the fashion industry—explains why you should be happy to make mistakes but how to properly learn from them, as well as how to love your imperfections and be comfortable in your own skin, no matter how much you have.
260 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2017
108 people are currently reading
1093 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 122 reviews
October 23, 2017
I've been following Tess Holliday on Instagram ever since January 2015, when she was announced as the first plus-size model to be signed to a major modeling agency. And I'm into her aesthetic, I have severe hair envy (her hair is SO gorgeous), and I am pro #bodypositivity.
Yet, her memoir was pretty terrible. The writing was uninspired. Her life is interesting, but it's interspersed with "Tess Holliday's Advice for Life" trite little sayings that generally don't add anything.
Some examples: After explaining how much she hated her job working as a sandwich artist at Subway, her advice is "Give every job 100%. Nothing is beneath you." So it's a bit of do what I say, not what I do happening here, which ok, sure. But then, only a couple pages later, after describing how much she hated school, her advice is now "It's OK to drop out of school — it isn't for everyone." Which is it Tess? I'm getting whiplash. You can't simultaneously give your best and also drop out of high school. It doesn't work like that.
Ooooh how about this romance genre-shaming tip: "If it sounds like something you'd read in a book with Fabio on the cover, it's probably a bad idea in real life." In context, this was about having unsafe sex with a guy she didn't know. But it's very clear Tess has never read a romance novel. She of all people should know that it's NOT cool to JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.
Yet, her memoir was pretty terrible. The writing was uninspired. Her life is interesting, but it's interspersed with "Tess Holliday's Advice for Life" trite little sayings that generally don't add anything.
Some examples: After explaining how much she hated her job working as a sandwich artist at Subway, her advice is "Give every job 100%. Nothing is beneath you." So it's a bit of do what I say, not what I do happening here, which ok, sure. But then, only a couple pages later, after describing how much she hated school, her advice is now "It's OK to drop out of school — it isn't for everyone." Which is it Tess? I'm getting whiplash. You can't simultaneously give your best and also drop out of high school. It doesn't work like that.
Ooooh how about this romance genre-shaming tip: "If it sounds like something you'd read in a book with Fabio on the cover, it's probably a bad idea in real life." In context, this was about having unsafe sex with a guy she didn't know. But it's very clear Tess has never read a romance novel. She of all people should know that it's NOT cool to JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.
October 17, 2017
I would describe it concisely as amateur and choppy.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
October 1, 2017
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Rape, STD's, Mental Illness, Domestic Violence,Suicide spoken about in an off hand manner,Bigotry (Australians=Drunkards, Some stupid Australian etc).
Greetings,
This could have been a much better book, if it had been a coffee table book with some text, and pictures of Tess Holliday, rather than a weird spiel about life in Mississippi, Seattle and LA. There are too many other things going on, that are not so pretty. The book started off okay, but warning bells started going off when she spoke about Domestic Violence, and her ex-boyfriend's suicide in such a casual dead-pan way. Readers, these are things that we cannot laugh at, and I am surprised her book didn't have a list of places where you can get help if you happen to be in certain situations that can be life-threatening. For example, Lifeline, Beyond Blue etc.
Also, her mentioning how she contracted some STD's from a random sexual encounter is also treated in such an insensitive manner. I had a "seriously?" moment just there, as she dismissed them as curable. I can go on and on and on. But what really got to me was that she is married to an Aussie guy and I didn't particularly like the generalisations that all Australians are 'drunkards' Lady, some of us don't drink! And that he was some 'stupid' Australian that came into her life. You know that we do have a pretty good education system Down Under, so don't know what you're on about. I thought the way her husband's mental illness was treated in an off-hand way as well, as if it was a bout of the flu. Again, not a laughing matter.
P.S. Tess the Photo Booth at Flinders Street Station here in Melbourne ain't all that cool. So anyone reading in the States or anywhere else, it is not the sexiest of places to get a marriage proposal. (Can almost smell the piss and the burnt rubber and deep fried food....shudder).
I think I will leave it here, and let everyone else make their own judgement on this book.
Sincerely yours,
A non-drunkard, non-stupid highly educated Australian "woman"
Greetings,
This could have been a much better book, if it had been a coffee table book with some text, and pictures of Tess Holliday, rather than a weird spiel about life in Mississippi, Seattle and LA. There are too many other things going on, that are not so pretty. The book started off okay, but warning bells started going off when she spoke about Domestic Violence, and her ex-boyfriend's suicide in such a casual dead-pan way. Readers, these are things that we cannot laugh at, and I am surprised her book didn't have a list of places where you can get help if you happen to be in certain situations that can be life-threatening. For example, Lifeline, Beyond Blue etc.
Also, her mentioning how she contracted some STD's from a random sexual encounter is also treated in such an insensitive manner. I had a "seriously?" moment just there, as she dismissed them as curable. I can go on and on and on. But what really got to me was that she is married to an Aussie guy and I didn't particularly like the generalisations that all Australians are 'drunkards' Lady, some of us don't drink! And that he was some 'stupid' Australian that came into her life. You know that we do have a pretty good education system Down Under, so don't know what you're on about. I thought the way her husband's mental illness was treated in an off-hand way as well, as if it was a bout of the flu. Again, not a laughing matter.
P.S. Tess the Photo Booth at Flinders Street Station here in Melbourne ain't all that cool. So anyone reading in the States or anywhere else, it is not the sexiest of places to get a marriage proposal. (Can almost smell the piss and the burnt rubber and deep fried food....shudder).
I think I will leave it here, and let everyone else make their own judgement on this book.
Sincerely yours,
A non-drunkard, non-stupid highly educated Australian "woman"
October 17, 2017
I would describe it concisely as amateur and choppy.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
April 9, 2018
I was expecting this to be a more self-help guru type of book about how to love yourself and it is not that in any way, shape or form. The title is misleading. It's a semi boring shortened life story that rambles in and out of coherence and does not really reveal anything of value. Her life experiences although varied and at times heartbreaking, aren't things that I would consider to be an "ART". There is nothing that this book teaches you per se.
She talks about things in a very matter of fact and unaffected way. It's almost like a commentary of someone voicing over a tv show. Being visceral doesn't equal strength. But, I think it's the only real emotion I got from this book. Even through all the disturbing situations of domestic violence, bullying and awkward sexual encounters there was no take away. She just peppers in some quotes after every few paragraphs to make it seem like there was some wisdom accrued from her mistakes. But, it is more fitting to white noise. I laughed out loud at some of her little quotes. I just couldn't understand the logic to it. There was none.
I kept expecting an "AHA" moment where there would be a turn of a tide, some glorious moment of self-reflection, discovery or acceptance and there just wasn't.
She painted the south like some stereotypical bleeding bible belt of ignorance, intolerance and anti-Darwinist agendas. She made Christians look so dumb and judgmental and herself as the only salve to the stupidity around her. I didn't buy it. She talks about moving, being broke, being with different men then rinse and repeat. It's not even interesting enough to even be a rags to riches story.
The only good thing about this book was the genuine relationship that her ex-boyfriend had with her oldest son. I thought that aspect was wonderful. It was the only thing I felt in the book that was truly heartfelt and honest.
Other than that the writing was sloppy and her paragraphs were rambling. I found it hard to follow at times. It is almost as if she forgot things as she was writing and had to add them at that second to tie it in to her point somehow but, it didn't work.
Her shtick of this book is "You don't like me, well f you." "Don't like me because I'm fat, well f you." "Haters going to hate, f them." "I'm hot because I'm fat and I have sex, so fffffff you." Which is retrospect isn't a gleaming piece of live advice. This book is a pass. Go to her instagram and read her contrived self love posts and I think you'll be good.
She talks about things in a very matter of fact and unaffected way. It's almost like a commentary of someone voicing over a tv show. Being visceral doesn't equal strength. But, I think it's the only real emotion I got from this book. Even through all the disturbing situations of domestic violence, bullying and awkward sexual encounters there was no take away. She just peppers in some quotes after every few paragraphs to make it seem like there was some wisdom accrued from her mistakes. But, it is more fitting to white noise. I laughed out loud at some of her little quotes. I just couldn't understand the logic to it. There was none.
I kept expecting an "AHA" moment where there would be a turn of a tide, some glorious moment of self-reflection, discovery or acceptance and there just wasn't.
She painted the south like some stereotypical bleeding bible belt of ignorance, intolerance and anti-Darwinist agendas. She made Christians look so dumb and judgmental and herself as the only salve to the stupidity around her. I didn't buy it. She talks about moving, being broke, being with different men then rinse and repeat. It's not even interesting enough to even be a rags to riches story.
The only good thing about this book was the genuine relationship that her ex-boyfriend had with her oldest son. I thought that aspect was wonderful. It was the only thing I felt in the book that was truly heartfelt and honest.
Other than that the writing was sloppy and her paragraphs were rambling. I found it hard to follow at times. It is almost as if she forgot things as she was writing and had to add them at that second to tie it in to her point somehow but, it didn't work.
Her shtick of this book is "You don't like me, well f you." "Don't like me because I'm fat, well f you." "Haters going to hate, f them." "I'm hot because I'm fat and I have sex, so fffffff you." Which is retrospect isn't a gleaming piece of live advice. This book is a pass. Go to her instagram and read her contrived self love posts and I think you'll be good.
December 6, 2017
While I admire Tess Holliday for the work she’s done in her industry as a fat model, I just can’t get behind how poorly written this book is.
Starting at the top, the title lends itself to being a sort of self-help/inspirational book on how to “love the skin you’re in.” That point is only sort of reached at the very end of the book. The majority is a personal account of the events in her life and the people in it. While the caricatures she provides of those close to her are sometimes slightly interesting, the events of her life are written as common/cliché, and come off just plain boring at times. I think a lot of the problem is that this is in chronological order (which is extremely loose as it is, as she backtracks confusingly from story to story with random interjections), and deals great importance to very average moments of her early life and glosses over the gritty, difficult times she went through to become who she is today. There is also a huge problem with the tone of her telling, as a lot of the hardships she’s faced are un-impactful because, very early on in the book, she attributes her callus attitude towards these traumas as her way of dealing with them.
I spent a lot of this book wondering about Tess, “Did THIS really make you the person you are today?” Does it matter exactly how she lost her virginity and then pined over her high school boyfriend after they broke up? Or who exactly bullied her and what they said word for word? There’s a lot of time spent calling out the people that hurt her and it’s disappointing because it’s just unnecessary. Is that what makes you who you are? Or is it what you LEARNED from those moments? I bought this book because I care about how she overcame what she’s been through to be who she is, but that’s really not what this book is about so much as it is “this happened and that happened.” Where are the DETAILS of her values, beliefs, and passions that she posts about? It needed more of those, because the last chapter about her feminism, though important and an attempt at redeeming the rest of the book, was a rushed afterthought. Maybe if instead the chapters were separated and focused on the themes of her identity as detailed in this book (early traumas, body image and later positivity, career, motherhood, etc.) and how these have IMPACTED her and made her an influence, this book would be much more interesting and would do service to the person her social media makes her seem. But instead the readers are left to read between the lines of bland, clichéd prose. As for her “Advice for Life” tidbits, not only do they break the narrative apart awkwardly, a lot of them are kind of unhelpful or just plain refute what she was saying in earlier sections, especially in the first half of the book. If they are meant to be sarcastic, that’s unclear.
Tess is very influential to many, and has been an idol to me as a fat woman (I was ecstatic to meet her back in 2015), but this book has left me pretty disappointed. It doesn't do justice to the person I met, nor the person she presents herself as on social media. Maybe my expectations were set too high. Would not recommend, even to the book’s body positive target audience.
Starting at the top, the title lends itself to being a sort of self-help/inspirational book on how to “love the skin you’re in.” That point is only sort of reached at the very end of the book. The majority is a personal account of the events in her life and the people in it. While the caricatures she provides of those close to her are sometimes slightly interesting, the events of her life are written as common/cliché, and come off just plain boring at times. I think a lot of the problem is that this is in chronological order (which is extremely loose as it is, as she backtracks confusingly from story to story with random interjections), and deals great importance to very average moments of her early life and glosses over the gritty, difficult times she went through to become who she is today. There is also a huge problem with the tone of her telling, as a lot of the hardships she’s faced are un-impactful because, very early on in the book, she attributes her callus attitude towards these traumas as her way of dealing with them.
I spent a lot of this book wondering about Tess, “Did THIS really make you the person you are today?” Does it matter exactly how she lost her virginity and then pined over her high school boyfriend after they broke up? Or who exactly bullied her and what they said word for word? There’s a lot of time spent calling out the people that hurt her and it’s disappointing because it’s just unnecessary. Is that what makes you who you are? Or is it what you LEARNED from those moments? I bought this book because I care about how she overcame what she’s been through to be who she is, but that’s really not what this book is about so much as it is “this happened and that happened.” Where are the DETAILS of her values, beliefs, and passions that she posts about? It needed more of those, because the last chapter about her feminism, though important and an attempt at redeeming the rest of the book, was a rushed afterthought. Maybe if instead the chapters were separated and focused on the themes of her identity as detailed in this book (early traumas, body image and later positivity, career, motherhood, etc.) and how these have IMPACTED her and made her an influence, this book would be much more interesting and would do service to the person her social media makes her seem. But instead the readers are left to read between the lines of bland, clichéd prose. As for her “Advice for Life” tidbits, not only do they break the narrative apart awkwardly, a lot of them are kind of unhelpful or just plain refute what she was saying in earlier sections, especially in the first half of the book. If they are meant to be sarcastic, that’s unclear.
Tess is very influential to many, and has been an idol to me as a fat woman (I was ecstatic to meet her back in 2015), but this book has left me pretty disappointed. It doesn't do justice to the person I met, nor the person she presents herself as on social media. Maybe my expectations were set too high. Would not recommend, even to the book’s body positive target audience.
October 19, 2017
Pure fictitious garbage. If someone truly loved themselves and was in a position to offer self-help advice they wouldn't photoshop their pictures to hell and back and drunkenly be texting men behind their husbands' back. Sorry "Tess" (Ryann), but trashy is as trashy does.
July 13, 2018
I quit halfway through and I will admit that I was influenced more heavily to give up after reading the review by the author’s brother, who states most of this book is a lie. His words just reinforced my own feelings.
I unfollowed Tess on social media, because I couldn’t stand how she always seemed to be talking out both sides of her mouth, so I’m not a hundred percent sure why I thought this book would be any better or different. For a person that claims to love their body so much, she is so obviously furious about that same body. For someone who claims to not care what others think, it’s blatant that she does and that’s fine, because I think we all do to some extent. But don’t write 200 pages trying to convince me that you don’t want to care or have to care, because you’re such a bad ass bitch. All it’s done is prove to me that you care TOO much.
I really wanted to like this book and say that it changed my opinion. I’m all about female empowerment and fixing each other’s crowns and I certainly don’t care what someone else weighs. Beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, races and weights. I’m just sad to see someone who is beautiful on the outside, not feel beautiful on the inside and compensate for it with anger.
I unfollowed Tess on social media, because I couldn’t stand how she always seemed to be talking out both sides of her mouth, so I’m not a hundred percent sure why I thought this book would be any better or different. For a person that claims to love their body so much, she is so obviously furious about that same body. For someone who claims to not care what others think, it’s blatant that she does and that’s fine, because I think we all do to some extent. But don’t write 200 pages trying to convince me that you don’t want to care or have to care, because you’re such a bad ass bitch. All it’s done is prove to me that you care TOO much.
I really wanted to like this book and say that it changed my opinion. I’m all about female empowerment and fixing each other’s crowns and I certainly don’t care what someone else weighs. Beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, races and weights. I’m just sad to see someone who is beautiful on the outside, not feel beautiful on the inside and compensate for it with anger.
November 17, 2017
Like many people, I have a lot of mixed feelings whenever I see Tess or hear her message. I tracked down her book in the hope of getting a little clarity, and expected a good pro-body positivity pep talk in the process, but somehow I just didn't get all the good feels I was hoping for.
Firstly, I would describe the writing style as 'basic'. Tess' life is actually fairly interesting, but she describes it in such an uncaptivating way, approaching her life story as a list of challenges that she glibly ploughs through with witty little remarks along the way. Weirdly, she's relatively candid about the negative things that have occurred in her life - some very serious, like being sexually taken advantage of - but other topics, like her relationship with her son, her time as a working single parent, etc are written off in a paragraph or two. I don't know whether to attribute this to her inexperience as a writer, or the care she takes in presenting a very controlled image to the public.
Most glaring is the lack of any self-reflection on her body. Never a diet, never a moment of self-doubt. Her self-esteem appears to be broadly based on the reaction of others: negativity and disapproval during her youth, and then self-accepting and happy when she recieves positive feedback as a model. There is also zero acknowledgment of the broader conversation that the emergence larger bodies in the public eye has sparked, any negative opinions being relegated to hateful 'trolls' who are battling personal issues. Any uncomfortable issues are eliminated by her assertion that she doesn't have to justify herself to anyone. After writing at length about her husband's mental health problems, any discussion about her own health is off the table.
The final chapters are also heavily narcissistic, frequently self-referencing her own achievements and 'fame' and making it very clear that her apparent multitude of grateful fans give her a great deal of validation. Just made me feel - by buying this book - I'd thrown more money on a band wagon.
Firstly, I would describe the writing style as 'basic'. Tess' life is actually fairly interesting, but she describes it in such an uncaptivating way, approaching her life story as a list of challenges that she glibly ploughs through with witty little remarks along the way. Weirdly, she's relatively candid about the negative things that have occurred in her life - some very serious, like being sexually taken advantage of - but other topics, like her relationship with her son, her time as a working single parent, etc are written off in a paragraph or two. I don't know whether to attribute this to her inexperience as a writer, or the care she takes in presenting a very controlled image to the public.
Most glaring is the lack of any self-reflection on her body. Never a diet, never a moment of self-doubt. Her self-esteem appears to be broadly based on the reaction of others: negativity and disapproval during her youth, and then self-accepting and happy when she recieves positive feedback as a model. There is also zero acknowledgment of the broader conversation that the emergence larger bodies in the public eye has sparked, any negative opinions being relegated to hateful 'trolls' who are battling personal issues. Any uncomfortable issues are eliminated by her assertion that she doesn't have to justify herself to anyone. After writing at length about her husband's mental health problems, any discussion about her own health is off the table.
The final chapters are also heavily narcissistic, frequently self-referencing her own achievements and 'fame' and making it very clear that her apparent multitude of grateful fans give her a great deal of validation. Just made me feel - by buying this book - I'd thrown more money on a band wagon.
January 26, 2018
I enjoyed this book, though the writing is far from perfect and some of it is weirdly abrupt, but I saw a review written by Tess’s brother Tad here on Goodreads, and it kind of soured the second half for me (claims that some of the stories weren’t true, or happened to someone else).
But what I realized by the end is that it doesn’t change that Tess’s visibility helped me overcome the worst of my own insecurities, and her #effyourbeautystandards movement literally transformed my life.
Several of “Tess Holliday’s Advice for Life” comments were genuinely great, regardless of whether the autobiographical sections of the book were true or not. (Though I didn’t really get the arbitrary numbering system...)
Overall, I’m still glad I read it, and Tess continues to be a source of inspiration to me. I finally learned to love myself, thanks to her.
But what I realized by the end is that it doesn’t change that Tess’s visibility helped me overcome the worst of my own insecurities, and her #effyourbeautystandards movement literally transformed my life.
Several of “Tess Holliday’s Advice for Life” comments were genuinely great, regardless of whether the autobiographical sections of the book were true or not. (Though I didn’t really get the arbitrary numbering system...)
Overall, I’m still glad I read it, and Tess continues to be a source of inspiration to me. I finally learned to love myself, thanks to her.
December 23, 2017
A good autobiography has to be compelling and well written. This one is neither.
May 16, 2018
It wasn’t the most inspiring read, but not everybody’s life story is. I’m mostly annoyed that I constantly found mistakes throughout. How does a book get published with so many errors?!?
December 29, 2018
I never knew she was a super model. Her sad upbringing and messed up parents most likely caused her to overeat and become morbidly obese. The writing was sub par. And her stories were not interesting. I hope her children turn out alright. She seems so full of herself. Not worth reading. She needs to lose weight.
September 21, 2018
This part memoir part uplifting life guide is exactly the kind of thing I wish I could have read when I was fifteen. I admire Tess Holliday and how she has introduced her campaign #EffYourBeautyStandards into the notoriously strict fashion world, so it was interesting to read about her humble beginnings in the Deep South to the supermodel she is today.
Ironically, this book is exactly what it says on the cover - loud, a little brash but hey, it was never intended to be a work of great literature anyway. It’s funny, frank, honest and gives insight into Tess Holliday’s world. I appreciated the fact that Tess has learnt from her mistakes in the past and is frank when she admits that she messed up and treated some people unfairly. Tess knows she isn’t perfect and has various personality flaws, but that’s what makes her human.
Tess’ Instagram page is worth following if you haven’t already, and her book (not to mention the recent groundbreaking cover issue of Cosmopolitan U.K.) is ideal for fans and supporters of the body positivity movement.
Ironically, this book is exactly what it says on the cover - loud, a little brash but hey, it was never intended to be a work of great literature anyway. It’s funny, frank, honest and gives insight into Tess Holliday’s world. I appreciated the fact that Tess has learnt from her mistakes in the past and is frank when she admits that she messed up and treated some people unfairly. Tess knows she isn’t perfect and has various personality flaws, but that’s what makes her human.
Tess’ Instagram page is worth following if you haven’t already, and her book (not to mention the recent groundbreaking cover issue of Cosmopolitan U.K.) is ideal for fans and supporters of the body positivity movement.
April 25, 2018
To be honest, this was not a very empowering read.
This was about a girl who hates herself because she's fat, was bullied as a teen, and has daddy issues so in order to feel loved she sleeps around and the end result is STDs and an accidental pregnancy. Holliday does offer words of advice and some things can be relatable but for the most part for 3/4 of the book she talks about the guys she's been with and how much she hates her dad.
Being a girl in today's society especially with how men view women is hard. Therefore a woman needs to first find self-worth and self-love within herself before seeking it from someone else.
I saw a lot of my younger self in this book and it took me going through an abusive relationship to realize my self-worth and self-love for myself.
I gave up reading because I couldn't stomach reading about all the one night stands. There's only so many lessons you can learn from those.
This was about a girl who hates herself because she's fat, was bullied as a teen, and has daddy issues so in order to feel loved she sleeps around and the end result is STDs and an accidental pregnancy. Holliday does offer words of advice and some things can be relatable but for the most part for 3/4 of the book she talks about the guys she's been with and how much she hates her dad.
Being a girl in today's society especially with how men view women is hard. Therefore a woman needs to first find self-worth and self-love within herself before seeking it from someone else.
I saw a lot of my younger self in this book and it took me going through an abusive relationship to realize my self-worth and self-love for myself.
I gave up reading because I couldn't stomach reading about all the one night stands. There's only so many lessons you can learn from those.
September 11, 2017
5+ stars. I loved this book and devoured it in less than 24 hours. I bought this book as it's so different to what you would usually find out there. After reading it I can tell you it made me feel positive and good about myself. I previously was a size 24 and hitting the scales at over 20 stone and not only was I unhealthy I was unhappy. Over the past 3 yrs I have lost over 7 stone and now fit in a size 12-14 but I still have my down days and feel fat. I wish I had of had the confidence and fuck you attitude 3 years ago that she has, and hopefully one day I'll find a size I'm comfortable in. Reading this though has inspired me and I do think whether your a size 8 or a size 24 this book gives you a boost. If we could all take a little of the attitude Tess has I think more people would be confident within themselves. I'm hoping to keep some of her advice and work on it.
September 27, 2017
I really wanted to like this book, but there were two aspects I could not get over and have caused the 2-star rating:
1. One of the pieces of "advice" says that it's ok to drop out of high school, because school isn't for everyone.
2. The South is portrayed in a terrible light. Despite what this book may depict, there is more to the region than tobacco-spitting prison-tattooed rednecks and Bible thumpers.
However, she is refreshingly candid about being bullied, sexually assaulted, and abused. Her story is sad, blunt, and often triumphant. She does not gloss over her own mistakes.
I'll continue to follow and admire Tess Holliday, but should she write again, I will not be reading it.
1. One of the pieces of "advice" says that it's ok to drop out of high school, because school isn't for everyone.
2. The South is portrayed in a terrible light. Despite what this book may depict, there is more to the region than tobacco-spitting prison-tattooed rednecks and Bible thumpers.
However, she is refreshingly candid about being bullied, sexually assaulted, and abused. Her story is sad, blunt, and often triumphant. She does not gloss over her own mistakes.
I'll continue to follow and admire Tess Holliday, but should she write again, I will not be reading it.
May 9, 2018
It takes a strong person to open up knowing there is a segment of the population who loves to hate fat people.
The reason I'm not giving the book 5 stars is the writing style rather than the content. About halfway through the book I started skipping the tips/advice - these often seemed out of place and detracted from the flow of the book. I can't think of any tips that were any more meaningful or thoughtful than the paragraphs leading up to it. There were also a few obligatory fat jokes that seemed a little unnecessary. Again, these just took me out of the story rather than adding to it.
But, I'm glad I read this book. Hearing about her real struggles and mistakes made reading about success much sweeter.
The reason I'm not giving the book 5 stars is the writing style rather than the content. About halfway through the book I started skipping the tips/advice - these often seemed out of place and detracted from the flow of the book. I can't think of any tips that were any more meaningful or thoughtful than the paragraphs leading up to it. There were also a few obligatory fat jokes that seemed a little unnecessary. Again, these just took me out of the story rather than adding to it.
But, I'm glad I read this book. Hearing about her real struggles and mistakes made reading about success much sweeter.
May 21, 2019
Such a good book!!!!! It was so well written and engaging. It definitely helped me in my body positivity journey and gave me more things to process/think about. Highly recommend it!
October 17, 2017
I would describe it concisely as amateur and choppy.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
I am no literary expert, but even so, I found little to enjoy in The Subtle Art. It is quite clear that for either the author or ghost writer this book was an amateur work. The overall format of the book is very choppy because she switches between biography and self-help and throws in cliché tips (of which some are terrible advice and should not be followed by anyone – stay in school please, and also, do not eat your feelings. If you’re able, please get therapy for trauma and eating disorders. You’re not alone and there are people who can help you) and jokes. It did not make for smooth or enjoyable reading. The writing is equally inconsistent. There are a few genuine moments of captivating storytelling, but between those moments are strange stretches of prose that have more blah than content. It reminds me of a college essay where the writer has nothing to say but has to meet a minimum word requirement. There was one page about getting her hair colored that was probably the worst writing I’ve ever laid eyes on. There was another bit about tornado sirens that I can’t believe wasn’t thrown on the editing floor. She doesn’t quote much, but when she does, they are missed opportunities to add flavor and interest. The quotes are very bland.
As for the content, it tries very hard to be inspirational, but falls flat. It feels as if the author picked out every bad thing and bad person in her life and made a chapter about it. Stringing together a list of life’s sorrows does not an inspirational story make. As sad and traumatic as many of the events are, they alone don’t equate to inspiring writing. I was expecting the author to overcome adversity with hard work and perseverance, beating the odds with tenacious effort and cleverness, but there was none of that. The content pattern was trauma, luck, trauma, luck with no clear layout of what efforts were put in to get the author where she is today besides relying on others for support and validation. The theme of the underdog story was more about survival than overcoming any odds, which is great, sure, but not what was advertised. I think the blurbs about the book were overstated so reading it myself was a let down. None of it really feels genuine either. The stories lack depth and emotion, which makes the stories feel detached and unreal.
Additionally, it appears that the author finds public validation and shooting the finger to “haters” to be her primary motivations. Those don’t inspire me, and I can’t imagine they inspire many others. I would like to think people reading self-help books would be striving for more depth than that. I was expecting an attempt at answers on how to love myself better, but that’s not was I found. Without spoiling it, I’ll just say that her closing line is very telling, and left me with a very bad taste in my mouth.
On a more minor, but annoying note, she seems to use the terms criticism, “hating,” trolling, and bullying interchangeably, which is inaccurate and makes me, as a reader, question the author’s reliability. Another little thing, the author claimed there would be humor, but it was very uncomfortable humor and came off as insulting.
It makes for poor reading and was wrongly marketed. It was expecting it to be an inspiring tale of a journey to self-love, but it was mostly an autobiographical “eff you” to the author’s critics. I think it would fare better with a rewrite as a semi-autobiographical drama. I encourage you to reach for an alternate read. There’s nothing inspiring or feel good about this book, and it’s not the least bit enjoyable to read. I would rate it less than a star, but that’s not an option. In fact, I think it’s already on sale and I think it was released less than a month ago.
January 21, 2018
I'm on a kick of reading body positive books by plus-sized women and I knew that despite my so-so feelings on Tess I wanted to read her book. She is an important figure in the community and her story is unique and interesting. I was a little underwhelmed by some of it, I can't explain it properly but it felt like a diary of sorts. Which I know it is a memoir but I guess I'm used to ones that aren't so intensely chronological and each chapter feels like an essay on a story or moment in the authors life. It wasn't bad by any means, her story like I said is really interesting and moving to see all that she has lived through to come to the point she is currently in at her life. Seeing the spotlight she lives under and how she is known as one of the few "fat supermodels" it's definitely worth a read to see her journey and understand it a bit more.
April 24, 2018
I must say that this book hit me square in the gut from the opening sentence. "Tess Holliday" is a beautiful, inspiring woman of strength and candor, truth and wisdom. Her story is much like mine, and this is what I hope to garner from her: how to stay strong and pure to yourself. She is a plus-size model and frank about her issues with body image and self-love, something I believe we all (women and man) can relate to. As the tallest, palest girl all my life, I know the awkwardness of being different and wanting to but being unable to fit in, find acceptance, and being told you aren't ugly but beautiful. I know the pain of hating my body, but being resigned to accept it for what it is. Tess - through humor and sadness - gives us the gift of defiant self-acceptance and peace.
March 17, 2019
I really wanted to like this book. I am a fan of the body positivity movement and find it liberating when women are able to not feel like crap because our society tells them they should if they don't meet very specific unrealistic (for most) body ideals.
However, I couldn't. First off
**** STAY IN SCHOOL*****
Her advice about school not being for everyone so it's ok to drop out. That is bullshit . At the minimum, a high school education is necessary and that's the minimum. What horrible advice.
Also the book was disjointed and choppy and never had any type of flow for me. I was hoping to feel inspired and instead felt a bit annoyed by the (lack of) editing and (lack of) continuity in the book.
I still love her #effyourbeautystandards campaign.
However, I couldn't. First off
**** STAY IN SCHOOL*****
Her advice about school not being for everyone so it's ok to drop out. That is bullshit . At the minimum, a high school education is necessary and that's the minimum. What horrible advice.
Also the book was disjointed and choppy and never had any type of flow for me. I was hoping to feel inspired and instead felt a bit annoyed by the (lack of) editing and (lack of) continuity in the book.
I still love her #effyourbeautystandards campaign.
September 14, 2017
I read the book in three days which doesn't seem super fast but keeping in mind that I am super busy at the moment - three days seems more like a couple of hours.
It was a great insight into the life of a truly inspiring woman.
While I normally enjoy books that use more poetic language and have less spelling mistakes (how did the editor miss these?), I read this book out of a different motivation. Tess Holiday really is an inspiring and still down to earth person which she also shows in this book. This book is written to encourage other people and to show a persons journey of self-love and this is how I read it.
It was a great insight into the life of a truly inspiring woman.
While I normally enjoy books that use more poetic language and have less spelling mistakes (how did the editor miss these?), I read this book out of a different motivation. Tess Holiday really is an inspiring and still down to earth person which she also shows in this book. This book is written to encourage other people and to show a persons journey of self-love and this is how I read it.
October 14, 2020
As a body positive activist myself, I really enjoyed this book. The life lessons spread out on the pages weren’t exactly new information to me but they were nice reminders of how we should not give a fuck about what others think.
I’m giving this book four stars because the sentences would often jump between history and present, which made it kinda sloppy sometimes in my opinion. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it a lot!
I’m giving this book four stars because the sentences would often jump between history and present, which made it kinda sloppy sometimes in my opinion. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it a lot!
January 2, 2018
Not so much a review of the book but got to say I love this woman and her body positive image. I did feel she was a little vague on some things but I loved the book, admire her for never giving up on her dream to be a model despite her size and I am definitely adopting her mantra of #effyourbeautystandards.
September 14, 2018
Hmm. I love her message and am both a huge feminist and “eff your beauty standards” supporter, yet found this book to be just ok. A quick interesting read, it left a lot to be desired. Her personality also comes off a bit different than her online persona.. could be just me being snarky, but at times it made it hard to keep reading.
November 24, 2017
What a life!
A friendly and straightforward read. Tess really is inspiring and I was keen to finish the book quickly. Dropped a star as feeling fussy and disappointed that the editor didn't notice all the typos mistakes.
A friendly and straightforward read. Tess really is inspiring and I was keen to finish the book quickly. Dropped a star as feeling fussy and disappointed that the editor didn't notice all the typos mistakes.
November 13, 2018
For a plus size model, Tess has the confidence and the kiss ass attitude to shake up the fashion industry. She’s spreading the body positive movement with her #effyourbeautystandards campaign and I think she’s awesome. No one is perfect and you need to love yourself first 🙌🏼 7/10
August 17, 2019
Not the greatest writing and the style and substance wasn't what I expected. I like the little "life lessons" throughout the book though. Honestly, it's a bit of a depressing read and Tess' tone is very blasé, even towards some pretty serious life mistakes she has made.
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