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F*** You Very Much: The Surprising Truth About Why People Are So Rude
You're not imagining it.
People are getting ruder.
Did you know that even one rude comment in a life and death situation can decrease a surgeon’s performance by as much as 50%? That we say we don’t want rude politicians, but we vote for them anyway? Or that rude language can sway a jury in a criminal case?
Bestselling writer and broadcaster Danny Wallace is on a mission to understand where we have gone wrong. He uncovers the latest thinking about how we behave, how rudeness, once unleashed, can spread like a virus and how even one flippant remark can snowball into disaster.
As insightful and enthralling as it is highly entertaining, F*** You Very Much is an eye-opening exploration into the worst side of human behaviour.
"A cry for human decency… deliciously hilarious. I politely encourage you to read this book. Immediately."
ADAM GRANT
"A very funny and wise book."
MATT HAIG
People are getting ruder.
Did you know that even one rude comment in a life and death situation can decrease a surgeon’s performance by as much as 50%? That we say we don’t want rude politicians, but we vote for them anyway? Or that rude language can sway a jury in a criminal case?
Bestselling writer and broadcaster Danny Wallace is on a mission to understand where we have gone wrong. He uncovers the latest thinking about how we behave, how rudeness, once unleashed, can spread like a virus and how even one flippant remark can snowball into disaster.
As insightful and enthralling as it is highly entertaining, F*** You Very Much is an eye-opening exploration into the worst side of human behaviour.
"A cry for human decency… deliciously hilarious. I politely encourage you to read this book. Immediately."
ADAM GRANT
"A very funny and wise book."
MATT HAIG
343 pages, Paperback
First published March 3, 2016
186 people are currently reading
2079 people want to read
About the author
Danny Wallace
61 books639 followersDaniel Frederick Wallace is a British filmmaker, comedian, writer, actor, and presenter of radio and television. His notable works include the books Join Me, Yes Man, and the TV series How to Start Your Own Country. As an author, Wallace's bestselling books have been translated into more than a dozen languages.
He began writing reviews for video game magazines at the age of 13 for school work experience: a reviewer had become ill and so Wallace was given the opportunity to review a game. At 18 he started writing comedy, mainly through the magazine Comedy Review. He specialised in radio production at the University of Westminster.
At 22, he became a BBC producer. He was part of the production team behind British Comedy Award-winning Dead Ringers, the original producer of the critically acclaimed cult hit The Mighty Boosh, and the creator and producer of Ross Noble Goes Global. As a journalist, Wallace has worked for The Scotsman, The Guardian, The Independent, Elle, Cosmo, The Times and other publications.
In 1999, Wallace challenged comedian Dave Gorman, who at the time was his flatmate, to find 54 other people called Dave Gorman ("one for every card in the deck, including the Jokers"). Wallace accompanied Gorman on his quest and the men created Are You Dave Gorman?, an award-winning comedy stage show about what happened during their journey. A BBC series, also co-written and co-produced by Wallace, followed, as did a book, written by both men.
In 2003, Wallace's book Join Me was published. The book explains how he "accidentally started a 'cult'" called Join Me. The movement would go global, with each member committing to undertaking one random act of kindness for a stranger every Friday ("Good Fridays"). Tens of thousands joined. Join Me celebrates "Karmageddon 10" in December 2011. Traditionally, hundreds of members travel to London for the meet-up and undertake good deeds for strangers, with Wallace present. The movement is now generally referred to as the "Karma Army", although members are still typically "Joinees". He became a minor celebrity in Belgium whilst on his quest for Joinees. While on a book tour through America, Wallace was dubbed a "Generation X legend" by the Wisconsin State Journal.
Wallace next wrote a short book called Random Acts of Kindness: 365 Ways To Make the World A Better Place, with the help of submissions from Joinees. It includes many humorous Random Acts of Kindness (RAoK) ideas, such as "Contradict Demeaning Graffiti", and "Make An Old Man Very Happy."
Wallace's second solo book, Yes Man was published in July 2005. In it, he describes how he spent six months "saying Yes where once I would have said No", to make his life more interesting and positive. In this book he shows the tribulations and mischief that he got up to while he said yes to any question or proposal. The book was described as "one of those rare books that actually has the potential to change your life" by the San Francisco Bay Guardian and as "a fascinating book and a fascinating experiment" by David Letterman. A film adaptation of Yes Man was developed with Warner Bros. and stars Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel. It was released in 2008 in the US and the UK. Wallace appeared on screen in a cameo in a bar scene in the last ten minutes of the film, holding a British pint glass.
Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe was published in 2006. It is linked with World Book Day which in 2006 was on Thursday 2 March. It tells the story of Wallace's trip to Idaho, to visit a manhole cover in a small town, whose residents have proclaimed it the centre of the universe. The cover identifies it as a "Quick Read"; the price and length of the book have been curbed in order to encourage people who may not often read books to purchase it.
Wallace's book, Friends Like These, was released on the 3 July 2008, and tells the story of how he spent a summer trying to track down his old school friends from his days in Dundee,
He began writing reviews for video game magazines at the age of 13 for school work experience: a reviewer had become ill and so Wallace was given the opportunity to review a game. At 18 he started writing comedy, mainly through the magazine Comedy Review. He specialised in radio production at the University of Westminster.
At 22, he became a BBC producer. He was part of the production team behind British Comedy Award-winning Dead Ringers, the original producer of the critically acclaimed cult hit The Mighty Boosh, and the creator and producer of Ross Noble Goes Global. As a journalist, Wallace has worked for The Scotsman, The Guardian, The Independent, Elle, Cosmo, The Times and other publications.
In 1999, Wallace challenged comedian Dave Gorman, who at the time was his flatmate, to find 54 other people called Dave Gorman ("one for every card in the deck, including the Jokers"). Wallace accompanied Gorman on his quest and the men created Are You Dave Gorman?, an award-winning comedy stage show about what happened during their journey. A BBC series, also co-written and co-produced by Wallace, followed, as did a book, written by both men.
In 2003, Wallace's book Join Me was published. The book explains how he "accidentally started a 'cult'" called Join Me. The movement would go global, with each member committing to undertaking one random act of kindness for a stranger every Friday ("Good Fridays"). Tens of thousands joined. Join Me celebrates "Karmageddon 10" in December 2011. Traditionally, hundreds of members travel to London for the meet-up and undertake good deeds for strangers, with Wallace present. The movement is now generally referred to as the "Karma Army", although members are still typically "Joinees". He became a minor celebrity in Belgium whilst on his quest for Joinees. While on a book tour through America, Wallace was dubbed a "Generation X legend" by the Wisconsin State Journal.
Wallace next wrote a short book called Random Acts of Kindness: 365 Ways To Make the World A Better Place, with the help of submissions from Joinees. It includes many humorous Random Acts of Kindness (RAoK) ideas, such as "Contradict Demeaning Graffiti", and "Make An Old Man Very Happy."
Wallace's second solo book, Yes Man was published in July 2005. In it, he describes how he spent six months "saying Yes where once I would have said No", to make his life more interesting and positive. In this book he shows the tribulations and mischief that he got up to while he said yes to any question or proposal. The book was described as "one of those rare books that actually has the potential to change your life" by the San Francisco Bay Guardian and as "a fascinating book and a fascinating experiment" by David Letterman. A film adaptation of Yes Man was developed with Warner Bros. and stars Jim Carrey and Zooey Deschanel. It was released in 2008 in the US and the UK. Wallace appeared on screen in a cameo in a bar scene in the last ten minutes of the film, holding a British pint glass.
Danny Wallace and the Centre of the Universe was published in 2006. It is linked with World Book Day which in 2006 was on Thursday 2 March. It tells the story of Wallace's trip to Idaho, to visit a manhole cover in a small town, whose residents have proclaimed it the centre of the universe. The cover identifies it as a "Quick Read"; the price and length of the book have been curbed in order to encourage people who may not often read books to purchase it.
Wallace's book, Friends Like These, was released on the 3 July 2008, and tells the story of how he spent a summer trying to track down his old school friends from his days in Dundee,
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 257 reviews
April 11, 2017
Danny Wallace is a British writer whose numerous roles include film maker and comedian. Here he takes on the subject of rudeness in its many forms and explores it from many angles. It is a dense study of why rudeness has grown to tidal proportions in contemporary society, taking in plentiful sources. Danny's obsession with the topic derives from a comic hot dog incident in a cafe. He begins with an admittedly highly funny tale of Omar who in 2015 left his supermarket job and Britain to join the terror group, ISIS, only to be deeply disappointed with the high levels of rudeness and bad manners of the radical militants. This is not what Omar had signed for, he had expected better.
Wallace engages in wide ranging research, suggests activities, takes polls and relates various case studies. He ponders on the nature of how women face prejudice as they are perceived as rude and aggressive for merely expressing opinions or challenging men in the workplace in a way that men are not. Many experts such as psychiatrists and psychologists are consulted to pin down why people are rude and what can be done about it. Many areas are touched on from road rage in Los Angeles, Donald Trump, the implosion of Charlie Sheen, rudeness going viral, and the rise in internet trolling thanks to anonymity. There are countless conversations with ordinary people eliciting their views on the subject. The qualities identified in positive and successful strategies in responding to rudeness are interesting and are commonsense. Outcomes of the treatise include the Wallace Report on the subject.
This is a book for those who might be interested in rudeness explored with humour. I suggest reading this in bite size pieces as the information just keeps coming at you relentlessly. The overwhelming positivity in Wallace's approach is to be admired given the rise of rudeness globally. Wallace adeptly shines a knowledgeable light on rudeness in a manner that draws in the reader effortlessly with anecdotes and academic research. Thanks to Random House Ebury for an ARC.
Wallace engages in wide ranging research, suggests activities, takes polls and relates various case studies. He ponders on the nature of how women face prejudice as they are perceived as rude and aggressive for merely expressing opinions or challenging men in the workplace in a way that men are not. Many experts such as psychiatrists and psychologists are consulted to pin down why people are rude and what can be done about it. Many areas are touched on from road rage in Los Angeles, Donald Trump, the implosion of Charlie Sheen, rudeness going viral, and the rise in internet trolling thanks to anonymity. There are countless conversations with ordinary people eliciting their views on the subject. The qualities identified in positive and successful strategies in responding to rudeness are interesting and are commonsense. Outcomes of the treatise include the Wallace Report on the subject.
This is a book for those who might be interested in rudeness explored with humour. I suggest reading this in bite size pieces as the information just keeps coming at you relentlessly. The overwhelming positivity in Wallace's approach is to be admired given the rise of rudeness globally. Wallace adeptly shines a knowledgeable light on rudeness in a manner that draws in the reader effortlessly with anecdotes and academic research. Thanks to Random House Ebury for an ARC.
July 10, 2017
Without doubt, listening to the Audible version of this book read by Danny Wallace himself is absolutely the best way to go. Since the whole premise is based on an anecdotal, much obsessed over, personal story of when a lady in a cafe was rude to him while he was trying to buy a hotdog...it's better having him tell it to you in his own voice, just like a friend would if it had happened to them. And that's precisely his point, we all have these tales of inexplicable rudeness, whether it's being talked over in meetings, pushed aside on the tube, or treated by some form of customer service provider like we'd just shat on their shoes...these stories stay with us and we need to share them to make sense of them. To seek validation for our actions and share that feeling of 'what the hell were they thinking?'
The book is more than that though. Despite being clearly annoyed by the inciting hotdog incident, Wallace moved on from that and took the research into rudeness with some seriousness, though it's always portrayed with real humour in the book. Some of the research is quite stunning; one idea is that rudeness spreads like a virus, once you've seen it or been a part of it or sometimes even just imagined it, you are then infected and that much more likely to be rude to someone else. More than that, rudeness is affecting our health and even endangering our lives. According to research, surgeons who are affected by rudeness in the morning of their working day can be up to 50% less effective throughout the rest of that day. Bearing that in mind, how happy would you be for them to have you under the knife?? And as Wallace points out, what does this mean for pilots, truck drivers, anyone who has your life in their hands and who might not be operating even close to full capacity because some idiot was rude to them?
Fascinating and funny, this is one of those books that will have you nodding along in shared understanding and disbelief. Or maybe it's because i'm British. Or because i'm polite.
The lesson it offers is this: join the shared contract of the wider community in trying not to make life harder for the other people around you. Or, in short, don't be an arsehole.
The book is more than that though. Despite being clearly annoyed by the inciting hotdog incident, Wallace moved on from that and took the research into rudeness with some seriousness, though it's always portrayed with real humour in the book. Some of the research is quite stunning; one idea is that rudeness spreads like a virus, once you've seen it or been a part of it or sometimes even just imagined it, you are then infected and that much more likely to be rude to someone else. More than that, rudeness is affecting our health and even endangering our lives. According to research, surgeons who are affected by rudeness in the morning of their working day can be up to 50% less effective throughout the rest of that day. Bearing that in mind, how happy would you be for them to have you under the knife?? And as Wallace points out, what does this mean for pilots, truck drivers, anyone who has your life in their hands and who might not be operating even close to full capacity because some idiot was rude to them?
Fascinating and funny, this is one of those books that will have you nodding along in shared understanding and disbelief. Or maybe it's because i'm British. Or because i'm polite.
The lesson it offers is this: join the shared contract of the wider community in trying not to make life harder for the other people around you. Or, in short, don't be an arsehole.
May 31, 2018
Human behaviour- a mysterious phenomenon even to ourselves, humans! But Danny Wallace has done a tremendous piece of work writing this book and unveiling at least one of the aspects of our behaviour- rudeness- into an engaging, educational and occasionally hilarious read!
Danny Wallace, with this book, made me take a long hard look at myself. Reading F*** You Very Much made me think back and analyze my past behaviour. It made me twitchy and worried and horrified- how rude exactly had I come across in various situations? What if I was the equivalent of Patient Zero with my rudeness and made a ripple of rudeness spinning across space, in turn, ruining x number of people’s days? But it’s not just about me. This book also made me think about all these times when someone had been rude to me or to my friends and family. I was chasing that cause&effect- a hopeless mission, of course- and trying to see the start of rudeness. Pfft, how long is a piece of string?
Honestly, this book is not written in a style of: Sit down and I’ll tell you! with a big fat finger waved at your face… That’s why this book is great to read. I not once felt attacked personally, because let’s face it- we’ve ALL been RUDE! We have, because we all translate the levels of rudeness to our own terms and conditions, from our very personal point of views… it’s just who we are, humans!
The reason behind this book being written was unexpected, but not surprising. That reason- The Hotdog Incident (it will remain a mystery to you until you read the book, mwahahahaaa)- has happened to the majority of us. Most of us has been a version of Danny Wallace and yet it was THE Danny Wallace who took it upon himself to explore, investigate, get answers and reveal.
I laughed so much, out loud, many times throughout this book. I received so many, seriously- MANY-, examples from real life from all over the world on how some people have decided to fight rudeness. Some of these stories were awe inspiring! The people who did everything in their power to change the level of rudeness in a society, in my eyes, were better than any superhero imaginable!
The interesting realization, for me, during and after reading this book was that some of the statements Danny makes have been on my mind over the years, as I am sure the same thoughts have been in all of your minds, too… The fact that Danny put this all down into simple terms and examples in a really balanced manner, made it so easy to relate to and follow. So, while in Colombia and China and Russia people were applying their ways to fight rudeness, I think this book is Danny’s way of fighting rudeness, as well!
Because you know those TV shows that rely on rude content, the rude TV presenters? Yes, the ones that we REALLY enjoy watching? It’s never going to stop until we realize that as much as we don’t want someone to be rude towards us, we also have to stop enabling rudeness… It can be exhilarating to witness but there’s always someone on the receiving end.
F*** You Very Much is a fantastic book to read. Even if you’ve sworn off reading non-fiction because “it’s boring“… this book is NOT boring. It’s an honest account of our society and a fantastic learning curve for those of us, me included, who has not taken that extra few minutes to think about the nitty-gritty of rudeness. Everything has a reason and a consequence. I very much recommend this title.
We seem more stressed, more time-pressed, tired, fed up, angry and put upon. We seem more resentful, envious, self-obsessed, rascist and, yes, sad. We think less, react more, and run and jump to conclusions just so we have one, where once we might have ambled to see what happened along the way. We are self-entitled, knee-jerking, know-it-all thunderdicks.
Danny Wallace, with this book, made me take a long hard look at myself. Reading F*** You Very Much made me think back and analyze my past behaviour. It made me twitchy and worried and horrified- how rude exactly had I come across in various situations? What if I was the equivalent of Patient Zero with my rudeness and made a ripple of rudeness spinning across space, in turn, ruining x number of people’s days? But it’s not just about me. This book also made me think about all these times when someone had been rude to me or to my friends and family. I was chasing that cause&effect- a hopeless mission, of course- and trying to see the start of rudeness. Pfft, how long is a piece of string?
Honestly, this book is not written in a style of: Sit down and I’ll tell you! with a big fat finger waved at your face… That’s why this book is great to read. I not once felt attacked personally, because let’s face it- we’ve ALL been RUDE! We have, because we all translate the levels of rudeness to our own terms and conditions, from our very personal point of views… it’s just who we are, humans!
Strangers are everywhere, all the time, working to their own standards. Fucking strangers!
The reason behind this book being written was unexpected, but not surprising. That reason- The Hotdog Incident (it will remain a mystery to you until you read the book, mwahahahaaa)- has happened to the majority of us. Most of us has been a version of Danny Wallace and yet it was THE Danny Wallace who took it upon himself to explore, investigate, get answers and reveal.
I laughed so much, out loud, many times throughout this book. I received so many, seriously- MANY-, examples from real life from all over the world on how some people have decided to fight rudeness. Some of these stories were awe inspiring! The people who did everything in their power to change the level of rudeness in a society, in my eyes, were better than any superhero imaginable!
The interesting realization, for me, during and after reading this book was that some of the statements Danny makes have been on my mind over the years, as I am sure the same thoughts have been in all of your minds, too… The fact that Danny put this all down into simple terms and examples in a really balanced manner, made it so easy to relate to and follow. So, while in Colombia and China and Russia people were applying their ways to fight rudeness, I think this book is Danny’s way of fighting rudeness, as well!
Because you know those TV shows that rely on rude content, the rude TV presenters? Yes, the ones that we REALLY enjoy watching? It’s never going to stop until we realize that as much as we don’t want someone to be rude towards us, we also have to stop enabling rudeness… It can be exhilarating to witness but there’s always someone on the receiving end.
Rudeness, once incredible, is now pitifully disposable. Obvious, Factory-made and a predictable part of a glut of unimaginative television commissions. Right now, in some brightly lit break-out area of an office in Dalston, a team of people with no socks on sit brain-storming ideas for judges for a new celebrity sushi-rolling show, and one of them’s about to say ‘and of course, we’ll need a rude one’.
F*** You Very Much is a fantastic book to read. Even if you’ve sworn off reading non-fiction because “it’s boring“… this book is NOT boring. It’s an honest account of our society and a fantastic learning curve for those of us, me included, who has not taken that extra few minutes to think about the nitty-gritty of rudeness. Everything has a reason and a consequence. I very much recommend this title.
May 18, 2018
This book had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion as I read out excerpts to my family. As well as laughing, I was shocked to learn that rudeness is like a quickly spreading virus. That if someone is rude to anyone in the medical profession, there is the potential for wrong diagnosis and even fatalities!! I also discovered what makes me so angry whenever I get behind the wheel of my car and why rich people feel that they can be rude to anybody at any time. Oh and how a certain type of rudeness can get you a pay rise if you're a man but not if you're a woman!!
There's so much more I could tell you but that would ruin this fab book for you.
Thanks so much to Chloe Rose at Ebury Press for providing me with a copy of the book.
There's so much more I could tell you but that would ruin this fab book for you.
Thanks so much to Chloe Rose at Ebury Press for providing me with a copy of the book.
September 4, 2018
People seem to be getting much, much ruder at the moment. Not only in what they say, but the things that they do, but some of this rudeness is the way that people say it and the outraged responses back from people who had never considered themselves rude.
It feels like a race to the race to the bottom at the moment.
All started with what Wallace calls the Hot Dog Incident though. His five-year-old son was hungry, as most small boys are, and they had spotted somewhere for lunch. Being asked to pay up front was a bit off and it was expensive for what is a simple food item, but needs must, and they took their seats. Twenty-five minutes later and there was nothing forthcoming, so he headed back to the counter to be fobbed off with some sort of an excuse and a promise of ten minutes more. After one hour still nothing so he headed back again to be given curt and what he considered frankly rude excuses, but still no food or a time when it would be available. It reached the point where they were arguing and he was rude back to her, something that he never thought he'd ever do.
To try and understand why, Danny Wallace starts talking (nicely) to all sorts of people who are looking at why society keeps getting worse, travels to the states to talk to scientists and psychologists, persuades a friend to join a Radical Honesty group with him and even confronts a guy in a pub who trolled him online once. He contemplates the effects of the ASBO, learns about the naked rambler, discusses cultural differences where one man's wave would be considered quite rude elsewhere. He even goes as far as commissioning his own survey to gain further insight into how rude people are.
There are not as many laugh out loud moments in this book as there are in others, but this is an important and actually really serious book about the way that society is changing. Some of the blame can be firmly attributed to social media, where a certain amount on anonymity means that people can let rip with all sorts of threats and feel that it won't come back to haunt them, yet… This is not a book for the answers though, those need to be addressed by society on a wider scale, and this is well worth reading about this worrying trend.
It feels like a race to the race to the bottom at the moment.
All started with what Wallace calls the Hot Dog Incident though. His five-year-old son was hungry, as most small boys are, and they had spotted somewhere for lunch. Being asked to pay up front was a bit off and it was expensive for what is a simple food item, but needs must, and they took their seats. Twenty-five minutes later and there was nothing forthcoming, so he headed back to the counter to be fobbed off with some sort of an excuse and a promise of ten minutes more. After one hour still nothing so he headed back again to be given curt and what he considered frankly rude excuses, but still no food or a time when it would be available. It reached the point where they were arguing and he was rude back to her, something that he never thought he'd ever do.
To try and understand why, Danny Wallace starts talking (nicely) to all sorts of people who are looking at why society keeps getting worse, travels to the states to talk to scientists and psychologists, persuades a friend to join a Radical Honesty group with him and even confronts a guy in a pub who trolled him online once. He contemplates the effects of the ASBO, learns about the naked rambler, discusses cultural differences where one man's wave would be considered quite rude elsewhere. He even goes as far as commissioning his own survey to gain further insight into how rude people are.
There are not as many laugh out loud moments in this book as there are in others, but this is an important and actually really serious book about the way that society is changing. Some of the blame can be firmly attributed to social media, where a certain amount on anonymity means that people can let rip with all sorts of threats and feel that it won't come back to haunt them, yet… This is not a book for the answers though, those need to be addressed by society on a wider scale, and this is well worth reading about this worrying trend.
July 2, 2018
This book is enjoyable but it does feel a little repetitive. I found some sections interesting. There wasn't enough in here to keep my interest.
Can't fault the attention to detail though. It does come across very well researched and I did enjoy the hot dog anecdote at the beginning. I think we've all had our own madly escalating rudeness argument at some point.
Over all I liked it but felt that it may have been better as one or two magazine articles than a fully written book
Free arc from netgalley
Can't fault the attention to detail though. It does come across very well researched and I did enjoy the hot dog anecdote at the beginning. I think we've all had our own madly escalating rudeness argument at some point.
Over all I liked it but felt that it may have been better as one or two magazine articles than a fully written book
Free arc from netgalley
June 20, 2018
Originally published as "I Can't Believe You Just Said That: The Truth About Why People are So Rude" - I'm not really sure why it's been re-released just a couple of years later under a different title, but suspect it didn't get quite the raving reception that was expected and so someone decided they had to up the ante a bit with a more in-your-face title. I already had it on my to-read list, so when I saw it on Netgalley, I went for it.
I found it interesting in parts and sporadically amusing, but not nearly as hilarious or insightful as its promotional materials suggest. It would have been a better book, in my opinion, had it been 40% shorter - there was too much ploughing through material which I found neither funny nor engaging to make the rest of the book worth it.
I found it interesting in parts and sporadically amusing, but not nearly as hilarious or insightful as its promotional materials suggest. It would have been a better book, in my opinion, had it been 40% shorter - there was too much ploughing through material which I found neither funny nor engaging to make the rest of the book worth it.
November 9, 2018
This was a very entertaining examination of rudeness and how it affects us. Which is apparently far more than I had thought (if I'd thought about it). People who have experienced rudeness lose some of their cognitive functioning for some time after; they make mistakes, forget things. There were experiments done with doctors that are quite sobering: rudeness can make the difference between life and death. Or at least a surgery done well and one...well, not so well.
The section on road rage was interesting to me. It seems to have to do with the sense of control a driver has, as well as the feeling of being in a safe "home" space. Rudeness on the part of another driver impinges on that feeling of privacy.
There is also an interesting section on Internet trolls--the how and why of them. This part includes a confrontation between Wallace and one of his own trolls. It is very satisfying to see him have the opportunity to actually meet the man who told him he deserved to die of AIDS. Without the anonymity of the Internet, the man is embarrassed by his behavior. As I said, very satisfying.
The book started because of an incident he experienced when buying a hot dog. The woman cooking the hot dog was extremely rude to him and he could not let go of it. In fact, it led to research and exploration and ultimately to this book. A trivial event becomes the impetus for serious thought (although performed with humor).
The tone of the book for the most part is amusing and often outright funny. At the end of the book, however, Wallace's tone changes. He considers Trump's win the triumph of rudeness, of the exhilaration people feel when they let go of civility and trample on the usual norms of civil discourse. He warns that this behavior can become almost addictive and leads to the destruction of decency toward each other. He believes we need to rebel against the "rebellion" of rudeness. That is to say, it feels good to mock people we have been told are to be respected, to say whatever we might in that moment feel like but it is ultimately dangerous behavior. There is a reason the tradition of civility exists and we destroy it at our peril.
The section on road rage was interesting to me. It seems to have to do with the sense of control a driver has, as well as the feeling of being in a safe "home" space. Rudeness on the part of another driver impinges on that feeling of privacy.
There is also an interesting section on Internet trolls--the how and why of them. This part includes a confrontation between Wallace and one of his own trolls. It is very satisfying to see him have the opportunity to actually meet the man who told him he deserved to die of AIDS. Without the anonymity of the Internet, the man is embarrassed by his behavior. As I said, very satisfying.
The book started because of an incident he experienced when buying a hot dog. The woman cooking the hot dog was extremely rude to him and he could not let go of it. In fact, it led to research and exploration and ultimately to this book. A trivial event becomes the impetus for serious thought (although performed with humor).
The tone of the book for the most part is amusing and often outright funny. At the end of the book, however, Wallace's tone changes. He considers Trump's win the triumph of rudeness, of the exhilaration people feel when they let go of civility and trample on the usual norms of civil discourse. He warns that this behavior can become almost addictive and leads to the destruction of decency toward each other. He believes we need to rebel against the "rebellion" of rudeness. That is to say, it feels good to mock people we have been told are to be respected, to say whatever we might in that moment feel like but it is ultimately dangerous behavior. There is a reason the tradition of civility exists and we destroy it at our peril.
January 25, 2019
Though on reflection this book has a slightly thin premise (despite the sensationalist title, it can be boiled down to 'people are rude because they are - to a greater or lesser extent - a bit inconsiderate of other people') this was interesting and engaging. Wallace has an easy humour and a good journalistic vibe to his writing, which makes this very readable without ever getting too wise-cracky or too heavy on the factual side of things, there is an anecdotal and personal slant a little akin to the likes of Jon Ronson and Louis Theroux.
Despite many of the points made being fairly self-evident (people interpret differences in age, culture, intention, and are subject to cognitive biases.. and this makes for 'rude' behaviour) I did get quite a lot from this. As someone who spends a fair amount of time seething at how inconsiderate other folk seem to me to be, it was thought provoking too and led me to consider some of my own quickness to feel cross. There was a little bit of a sense in places that the book had been padded out from 250 pages of key content to just over three hundred, but I did enjoy it.
Despite many of the points made being fairly self-evident (people interpret differences in age, culture, intention, and are subject to cognitive biases.. and this makes for 'rude' behaviour) I did get quite a lot from this. As someone who spends a fair amount of time seething at how inconsiderate other folk seem to me to be, it was thought provoking too and led me to consider some of my own quickness to feel cross. There was a little bit of a sense in places that the book had been padded out from 250 pages of key content to just over three hundred, but I did enjoy it.
July 22, 2017
Danny Wallace has long been one of my favourite authors thanks to his hilarious non-fiction. This book is less of an adventure than the likes of Yes Man or Join Me, instead being an exploration of rudeness and its impacts, with examples from Danny's own life. Although I miss his wild bets, this book is still interesting, informative and funny. In fact I would go as far as to say it's quite important - it goes into detail about the effects of being rude, which are far more serious than you might think. Not only that, but it also convinced me that the most minor polite interactions can go a long way. You can genuinely make society a better place just by existing and being kind to people. And that is a wonderful message to take away from a book!
March 8, 2022
I thought this was an excellent book. I tried it on a bit of a whim, not knowing quite what to expect, and it turned out to be witty, intelligent and genuinely insightful about the things which make people behave rudely, why such behaviour may be becoming more prevalent and, crucially, the damage it does to us both as individuals and as a society.
The great thing about I Can't Believe You Just Said That is that it is extremely readable and entertaining while saying genuinely important things. When my copy first arrived I thought I'd have a quick look at the first few pages and read it properly sometime later. Instead, I was hooked and read the whole thing straight through. Danny Wallace is a very engaging writer who manages to be funny, honest and self-deprecating while describing situations and personal responses to rudeness which everyone will recognise.
The book begins with the Hot Dog Incident, in which a café-owner was staggeringly rude to Wallace who is a customer. As a result, he went off and did a lot of serious research into rudeness, its causes and effects. He commissioned a survey and also talked to a lot of academics and others who have looked into the topic in detail. The results are fascinating – and rather scary. The severe damage to personal performance caused by someone being rude is positively terrifying (this includes medical errors increasing hugely if someone, not necessarily the patient, is even mildly rude to a practitioner, for example, and the effect persists for a long time) and the corrosive effect of general rudeness on groups and entire nations is also disturbing. There are also some uplifting accounts of ways of combating rudeness and some thoughtful (and sometimes very witty) analysis of its origins in all sorts of groups of people.
I can warmly recommend this book. I found it extremely entertaining as well as being very thought-provoking, and I hope it is very widely read.
(I received a review copy from the publisher.)
The great thing about I Can't Believe You Just Said That is that it is extremely readable and entertaining while saying genuinely important things. When my copy first arrived I thought I'd have a quick look at the first few pages and read it properly sometime later. Instead, I was hooked and read the whole thing straight through. Danny Wallace is a very engaging writer who manages to be funny, honest and self-deprecating while describing situations and personal responses to rudeness which everyone will recognise.
The book begins with the Hot Dog Incident, in which a café-owner was staggeringly rude to Wallace who is a customer. As a result, he went off and did a lot of serious research into rudeness, its causes and effects. He commissioned a survey and also talked to a lot of academics and others who have looked into the topic in detail. The results are fascinating – and rather scary. The severe damage to personal performance caused by someone being rude is positively terrifying (this includes medical errors increasing hugely if someone, not necessarily the patient, is even mildly rude to a practitioner, for example, and the effect persists for a long time) and the corrosive effect of general rudeness on groups and entire nations is also disturbing. There are also some uplifting accounts of ways of combating rudeness and some thoughtful (and sometimes very witty) analysis of its origins in all sorts of groups of people.
I can warmly recommend this book. I found it extremely entertaining as well as being very thought-provoking, and I hope it is very widely read.
(I received a review copy from the publisher.)
November 1, 2018
I always knew that rude behaviour bothered me enormously, but I never knew why. Now I do, and I know that I'm not the only one either. This book has its ups and downs, but it is very informative on the way rudeness destroys our society, quality of life and our trust in other people's goodness. This is most detrimental to us as individuals, and as parts of different communities. I wish more people read this book, especially leaders and influencers.
November 19, 2018
I need to annotate and re-read this book again, but without a doubt, it blew me away.
August 21, 2023
Thought-provoking. Has prompted me to consider my own words and behaviour.
September 21, 2018
In this book, Wallace illuminates a viable path forward in a Trumpian and post-Trumpian world. It's full of research-supported insights on the effects of rudeness in our lives, and what we can do to fix it. Full five stars.
July 23, 2017
It turns out that I am ruder than I thought I was. An interesting, entertaining and amusing book written by a man who is far more patient than me when it comes to simple cook to order foods!
March 27, 2018
A very funny book, with some thought provoking points into the nature of rudeness. As with Wallace's Yes Man, I may read again.
July 22, 2018
This was an entertaining and informative read. I was a little unsure at first, because often when books are about things like "Is the world getting ruder?" it's about older people grumping about how technology is ruining politeness and the younger generations are just so inconsiderate blah blah. But this was surprisingly charming and interesting, the discussion backed up with fascinating science. I recommend for anyone who's interested in psychology and human behaviour.
August 22, 2025
I honestly don't know how to rate this book. In short, the author of this book got super offended because a woman working at a store didn't give him a hot dog, even though he waited for more than an hour. He was extremely upset and decided to write a book about the situation, constantly thinking about it and complaining, whining. His behavior and style of writing infuriated me beyond belief. This isn't how a mature adult should act. It's more like the behavior of a small child. It took him six months to gather his thoughts and return to the same hotdog spot to express his indignation to the woman. Pathetic. Throughout the book, he also shares many thoughts that I strongly disagree with and consider to be nonsensical. I even have already prepared a presentation on this topic for further discussion)))
July 15, 2025
Entertaining but not very deep.
February 26, 2018
Danny Wallace takes on a controversial topic—the pervasiveness of obnoxious, selfish, dismissive, and condescending behavior—in a book subtitled: "Understanding the Culture of Rudeness—and What We Can Do About It." Wallace was raised to be polite, so he was shocked when a confrontation—admittedly minor in the scheme of things—shook him to his core. He calls it the "Hotdog Incident," and it involved an unpleasant encounter with a server who was supposed give him and his son food, but instead kept them waiting for over an hour. When Wallace complained, rather than trying to mollify him, the woman enraged him by making cutting and sarcastic remarks. Wallace decided to write a work of non-fiction in which he would explore the following: Why have bullying and other forms of verbal abuse become so pervasive that campaigns must be launched to counteract them? Why do so many people in the media, politics, and show business feel free to say or tweet whatever pops into their heads ("just being honest")—no matter how hurtful it may be?
The author tackles his subject with humor and also offers the opinions of scholars in such disciplines as psychology and ethics. Wallace provides some history (unsurprisingly, rudeness goes back to ancient times), discusses possible causes (among them are overcrowded urban areas, insecurity, narcissism, and prejudice), and offers ideas on how we might bring about a cultural shift that could lead to greater civility. Although he uses off-color words occasionally, most of the time Wallace's writing is intelligent, organized, and enlivened by entertaining anecdotes. For example, in the introduction, he speaks of Omar Hussain, who left England to join ISIS in Syria. When Hussain reached his destination, he was shocked—not by the cold-bloodedness of his new comrades—but by their atrocious manners. They did not even have the decency to line up and wait their turn, stole one another's shoes, and spoke in loud voices while he tried to get some sleep.
We all know what the problem is. What few of us realize is how toxic rudeness can be. It can have a negative impact on your health and your ability to think rationally. When a doctor encounters an extremely rude patient, the physician may become so irate that his performance suffers for the rest of the day. The uncouth maneuvers of motorists often lead to accidents or road rage. When employees deal with discourteous customers or colleagues, they are likely to take it out on their families that evening. Kids who are mocked by their peers frequently become withdrawn, depressed, and/or furious. Rudeness, alas, is a global problem, partly because we are "more stressed, more time-pressed, tired, fed up, angry, and put upon." The bottom line is that "we need politeness because it is right, it lifts our spirits, it makes things better, it lubricates the day, and helps everything run smoother." Danny Wallace challenges each of us to be less tolerant of boors, and to try to make a difference by setting a good example of how one ought to act towards his or her fellow human beings. It is everyone's responsibility to foster "a culture of kindness and mutual respect."
The author tackles his subject with humor and also offers the opinions of scholars in such disciplines as psychology and ethics. Wallace provides some history (unsurprisingly, rudeness goes back to ancient times), discusses possible causes (among them are overcrowded urban areas, insecurity, narcissism, and prejudice), and offers ideas on how we might bring about a cultural shift that could lead to greater civility. Although he uses off-color words occasionally, most of the time Wallace's writing is intelligent, organized, and enlivened by entertaining anecdotes. For example, in the introduction, he speaks of Omar Hussain, who left England to join ISIS in Syria. When Hussain reached his destination, he was shocked—not by the cold-bloodedness of his new comrades—but by their atrocious manners. They did not even have the decency to line up and wait their turn, stole one another's shoes, and spoke in loud voices while he tried to get some sleep.
We all know what the problem is. What few of us realize is how toxic rudeness can be. It can have a negative impact on your health and your ability to think rationally. When a doctor encounters an extremely rude patient, the physician may become so irate that his performance suffers for the rest of the day. The uncouth maneuvers of motorists often lead to accidents or road rage. When employees deal with discourteous customers or colleagues, they are likely to take it out on their families that evening. Kids who are mocked by their peers frequently become withdrawn, depressed, and/or furious. Rudeness, alas, is a global problem, partly because we are "more stressed, more time-pressed, tired, fed up, angry, and put upon." The bottom line is that "we need politeness because it is right, it lifts our spirits, it makes things better, it lubricates the day, and helps everything run smoother." Danny Wallace challenges each of us to be less tolerant of boors, and to try to make a difference by setting a good example of how one ought to act towards his or her fellow human beings. It is everyone's responsibility to foster "a culture of kindness and mutual respect."
April 26, 2018
Having been a fan of Danny Wallace for many years, and having previously laughed out loud on a train reading 'Yes Man' I was excited to read this book and opened the first page with eager anticipation of the fun ahead.
Unfortunately I was disappointed and found the book a real struggle to get through. This may have been my own fault for not registering the aim of the book before I bought it. However to me it seemed a stretch to write a whole book stemming from one bad experience whilst buying a hot dog - especially as the climax at the end of the book with Danny returning to the site of the 'hot dog incident' was a big let down for me.
Don't get me wrong - I understand the bigger picture and the 'new rudeness' that was explored in great detail with investigations and discussions with a variety of experts. I just didn't buy into it.
One thing you should know about me is that I always have to finish a book - I just can't give up (annoyingly). And as much as it pains me to say it, if that wasn't the case this one would have almost certainly been abandoned half way.
Unfortunately I was disappointed and found the book a real struggle to get through. This may have been my own fault for not registering the aim of the book before I bought it. However to me it seemed a stretch to write a whole book stemming from one bad experience whilst buying a hot dog - especially as the climax at the end of the book with Danny returning to the site of the 'hot dog incident' was a big let down for me.
Don't get me wrong - I understand the bigger picture and the 'new rudeness' that was explored in great detail with investigations and discussions with a variety of experts. I just didn't buy into it.
One thing you should know about me is that I always have to finish a book - I just can't give up (annoyingly). And as much as it pains me to say it, if that wasn't the case this one would have almost certainly been abandoned half way.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 30, 2018
I work in a customer service role and, yes, members of the public can be brash and inexplicably rude. I'm also a fan of Danny Wallace's non-fiction so this book made for a very cathartic holiday read.
From interviews with 'rudeness' specialists to 'the Wallace Report', Wallace has really done his research here. And why? Ask the lady who refused him a hot dog.
In fact every time Wallace refers back to this hot dog incident and even brings it up before psychologists and statisticians, the more ridiculous the core of this book seems. Nevertheless, Wallace's sensitivity withstanding, the fact remains that we are tangibly becoming ruder as a civilisation. The Mayor of Bogota, his viral bum and army of mimes certainly think so.
If you too feel strongly about this issue and can stand one man's obsession with a heated disagreement about hot dog waiting times, then this is a very accessible exploration into human behaviour.
From interviews with 'rudeness' specialists to 'the Wallace Report', Wallace has really done his research here. And why? Ask the lady who refused him a hot dog.
In fact every time Wallace refers back to this hot dog incident and even brings it up before psychologists and statisticians, the more ridiculous the core of this book seems. Nevertheless, Wallace's sensitivity withstanding, the fact remains that we are tangibly becoming ruder as a civilisation. The Mayor of Bogota, his viral bum and army of mimes certainly think so.
If you too feel strongly about this issue and can stand one man's obsession with a heated disagreement about hot dog waiting times, then this is a very accessible exploration into human behaviour.
September 27, 2021
Danny Wallace takes his son out for a hotdog and the experience led to the writing of this book. He investigates rudeness in all its forms, why people do it, and the effects it has. I found it totally fascinating how someone being rude (by comment, face to face, on social media, in a passive aggressive way), has such a big impact on someone whether they realise it or not, and how it ripples outwards.
It's interesting, fascinating, funny, and insightful at the same time. I totally agree with the last line of the blurb on the back of the book which says 'this is a very funny and powerful exploration into the way humans work and why it is surely time for an anti rudeness revolution'. If you have even the merest curiosity about what makes people tick I'd definitely recommend reading this.
It's interesting, fascinating, funny, and insightful at the same time. I totally agree with the last line of the blurb on the back of the book which says 'this is a very funny and powerful exploration into the way humans work and why it is surely time for an anti rudeness revolution'. If you have even the merest curiosity about what makes people tick I'd definitely recommend reading this.
April 7, 2018
Overall I thought this was an OK book. I wish it had delved into the role of social media a bit more. There were some very interesting parts, like the reason for the higher cime rates in the southern US.
I could have done without the cliched, bandwagon Trump bashing though. The rudeness epidemic took hold long before him. Maybe it's worse now. But I hate reading yet another smug liberal write condescendingly about it, particularly one from overseas who probably has *zero* idea what abandoned working class Americans feel like.
I could have done without the cliched, bandwagon Trump bashing though. The rudeness epidemic took hold long before him. Maybe it's worse now. But I hate reading yet another smug liberal write condescendingly about it, particularly one from overseas who probably has *zero* idea what abandoned working class Americans feel like.
June 23, 2019
Some interesting ideas and studies referenced. Definitely made me think about rudeness and how certain incidents have made me feel in the past (that I have allowed them to make me feel?). I do feel there is a line between honesty and rudeness and it’s normally the intention behind the words.
April 7, 2018
A keen and well-written survey of the rise of rudeness in modern culture. Full review: https://spooklights.blogspot.com/2018...
July 16, 2018
[I received a copy of this book from NetGalley.]
That was an interesting read. Perhaps not as funny as I had expected, but interesting nonetheless. Basing his argument on what he calls the ‘Hotdog Incident’, where he had to wait for 1 hour to get served a hotdog, and was rudely treated when he dared complain, Danny Wallace goes to explore rudeness and rude behaviours in general. Why are people rude? What’s in it for them? Why are the usual reactions to rudeness, and what do they reveal about people in general?
According to Wallace, it seems that there is something in it for rude people. Rudeness and bullying often tend to create a cognitive dissonance in people who’re at the other end of it, making them slower to react to it; so it looks like this explains why we keep wondering why rude people ‘get away with it’, when it’d stand to logics that they should be pointed at and shamed for their behaviour. I bet most of us had at least one experience of that kind (not necessarily about an actual hotdog) where hours later, we were still thinking about what we should’ve said or done instead. Why didn’t we do it for starters? Because of the shock of being treated rudely. I don’t know if the science behind this is really exact, however, I’m willing to agree with that out of empirical evidence, so to speak.
There were moments when I thought, ‘Did he really dwell on that Hotdog Incident for so long, isn’t that a little far-fetched?’, and it felt more like an artificial gimmick than an actual example to write a book about. But then, I guess it also ties with the point the author was making: what seems like little incidents can indeed stay with us for a lot longer than the few minutes or even seconds they took to happen.
And I do agree that rudeness is contagious. It’s happened to me quite a few times. If someone bumps into me in the street and doesn’t apologise, I’m much more likely to stop caring about the people around me: ‘If -they- don’t make way for me, why should -I- make way for them?’ So, it’s a vicious circle. Being aware of it helps, of course, because then it’s easier to act upon it. Still, it’s frightening how being rude can come… naturally.
A few parts are also devoted to exploring cultural differences, such as what is considered rude in one country but not in the other. Some of those I already knew about (the ‘Paris Syndrome’), others I discovered through this book. This, too, was interesting, because it puts things back into perspective. That’s not to say that we can afford to be rude because we can ‘make it pass as if it’s normal somewhere else’, of course.
The book definitely makes you take a look at yourself: we’ve all been rude at some point or other, and will be rude again. Yet acknowledging it is the first step to stop. (And if it helps facing rudeness from others in a calmer way, because we know the mechanisms behind it, I guess it’s also good experience to put annoying people back in their place.)
That was an interesting read. Perhaps not as funny as I had expected, but interesting nonetheless. Basing his argument on what he calls the ‘Hotdog Incident’, where he had to wait for 1 hour to get served a hotdog, and was rudely treated when he dared complain, Danny Wallace goes to explore rudeness and rude behaviours in general. Why are people rude? What’s in it for them? Why are the usual reactions to rudeness, and what do they reveal about people in general?
According to Wallace, it seems that there is something in it for rude people. Rudeness and bullying often tend to create a cognitive dissonance in people who’re at the other end of it, making them slower to react to it; so it looks like this explains why we keep wondering why rude people ‘get away with it’, when it’d stand to logics that they should be pointed at and shamed for their behaviour. I bet most of us had at least one experience of that kind (not necessarily about an actual hotdog) where hours later, we were still thinking about what we should’ve said or done instead. Why didn’t we do it for starters? Because of the shock of being treated rudely. I don’t know if the science behind this is really exact, however, I’m willing to agree with that out of empirical evidence, so to speak.
There were moments when I thought, ‘Did he really dwell on that Hotdog Incident for so long, isn’t that a little far-fetched?’, and it felt more like an artificial gimmick than an actual example to write a book about. But then, I guess it also ties with the point the author was making: what seems like little incidents can indeed stay with us for a lot longer than the few minutes or even seconds they took to happen.
And I do agree that rudeness is contagious. It’s happened to me quite a few times. If someone bumps into me in the street and doesn’t apologise, I’m much more likely to stop caring about the people around me: ‘If -they- don’t make way for me, why should -I- make way for them?’ So, it’s a vicious circle. Being aware of it helps, of course, because then it’s easier to act upon it. Still, it’s frightening how being rude can come… naturally.
A few parts are also devoted to exploring cultural differences, such as what is considered rude in one country but not in the other. Some of those I already knew about (the ‘Paris Syndrome’), others I discovered through this book. This, too, was interesting, because it puts things back into perspective. That’s not to say that we can afford to be rude because we can ‘make it pass as if it’s normal somewhere else’, of course.
The book definitely makes you take a look at yourself: we’ve all been rude at some point or other, and will be rude again. Yet acknowledging it is the first step to stop. (And if it helps facing rudeness from others in a calmer way, because we know the mechanisms behind it, I guess it’s also good experience to put annoying people back in their place.)
March 21, 2019
This book is the second one about rudeness I have read in a week, which is not intentional, but actually works really well as a strange kind of (extended) double-bill. Lynne Truss, in Talk to the Hand, was equally outraged in her own investigation, but there are significant differences between these two analyses of the exact same subject.
For a start, Wallace is outraged over a specific incident -- a cashier in a diner who hated him on sight and made him wait an hour for a pre-paid hot dog -- and that incident is the overriding force behind the book, and behind Wallace's introspection on his own possible culpability. But the main difference is, where Truss cited experts and previously written texts to punch up her own thoughts with some academic cred, Wallace mostly conducts interviews with experts and impromptu online surveys, commenting on their content and findings in his inimitable style. (He does also quote from books, though. And also from internet comments sections and Twitter. Plus a sanitized version of Snakes on a Plane where Samuel L. Jackson laments "I have had enough of these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!" That made me laugh so hard.)
The book is genuinely very funny, as it tackles the topic of what rudeness means, and how what constitutes rudeness differs depending on the country and culture, and how notions of civility are simultaneously declining and being espoused by increasingly militant people across the world. It delves into the psychology of rudeness, in its contagiousness and carry on effect (anyone who has ever snapped at someone who didn't deserve it because someone was mean to you will understand that it's a communicable disease), and lives the dream by confronting an online troll in person and making him feel bad.
Does he come up with any conclusions? Not really. Do we stand up against rudeness, or is it more polite to turn the other cheek and try not to pass on the bad day to others? He's not convinced either way. (He does exhort us all to be nicer to each other, in the end.) But this truly is a fascinating and informative journey through common courtesy, what the means now and how that has changed in such a short time, in addition to being generally amusing throughout, as is all of Wallace's non-fiction.
Good to see him go boy adventuring again! I look forward to the next one, and hope it doesn't take me nearly so long to learn about it.
For a start, Wallace is outraged over a specific incident -- a cashier in a diner who hated him on sight and made him wait an hour for a pre-paid hot dog -- and that incident is the overriding force behind the book, and behind Wallace's introspection on his own possible culpability. But the main difference is, where Truss cited experts and previously written texts to punch up her own thoughts with some academic cred, Wallace mostly conducts interviews with experts and impromptu online surveys, commenting on their content and findings in his inimitable style. (He does also quote from books, though. And also from internet comments sections and Twitter. Plus a sanitized version of Snakes on a Plane where Samuel L. Jackson laments "I have had enough of these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!" That made me laugh so hard.)
The book is genuinely very funny, as it tackles the topic of what rudeness means, and how what constitutes rudeness differs depending on the country and culture, and how notions of civility are simultaneously declining and being espoused by increasingly militant people across the world. It delves into the psychology of rudeness, in its contagiousness and carry on effect (anyone who has ever snapped at someone who didn't deserve it because someone was mean to you will understand that it's a communicable disease), and lives the dream by confronting an online troll in person and making him feel bad.
Does he come up with any conclusions? Not really. Do we stand up against rudeness, or is it more polite to turn the other cheek and try not to pass on the bad day to others? He's not convinced either way. (He does exhort us all to be nicer to each other, in the end.) But this truly is a fascinating and informative journey through common courtesy, what the means now and how that has changed in such a short time, in addition to being generally amusing throughout, as is all of Wallace's non-fiction.
Good to see him go boy adventuring again! I look forward to the next one, and hope it doesn't take me nearly so long to learn about it.
April 1, 2020
Surprisingly good read! Being rude is dangerous. Being rude is contagious. It all started with Danny had bad service; it took him an hour to get a hotdog that he had ordered. As he walked away and reflected he got angry, he reflected, he wondered why and then started thinking. Are we getting less well mannered than we used to be? What's the big deal? Does it really matter? Isn't it all about perception? Danny Wallace seems to have researched extensively, met with various people who have made it their lives work to look at rudeness and the effect it has on those who have felt slighted and how they respond to that - physiologically, mentally and in actuality. The grey mist can come down after someone has been rude to us. For a period of time we then can't make rational decisions. Just think about that. Think about what that might be in some areas of life if you can't concentrate on the road ahead of you, if you can't concentrate on the job you're doing which involves heavy machinery, that involves someone's life. Really very interesting. I am going to look at some of the references to see what's been written about this. Maybe it's not just a British pretence. Being polite and civil to one another is good for all of our health.
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