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Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival
In this brave and beautiful memoir, written with the raw honesty and devastating openness of The Glass Castle and The Liar’s Club, a woman chronicles how her marriage devolved from a love story into a shocking tale of abuse—examining the tenderness and violence entwined in the relationship, why she endured years of physical and emotional pain, and how she eventually broke free.
"You made me hit you in the face," he said mournfully. "Now everyone is going to know." "I know," I said. "I’m sorry."
Kelly Sundberg’s husband, Caleb, was a funny, warm, supportive man and a wonderful father to their little boy Reed. He was also vengeful and violent. But Sundberg did not know that when she fell in love, and for years told herself he would get better. It took a decade for her to ultimately accept that the partnership she desired could not work with such a broken man. In her remarkable book, she offers an intimate record of the joys and terrors that accompanied her long, difficult awakening, and presents a haunting, heartbreaking glimpse into why women remain too long in dangerous relationships.
To understand herself and her violent marriage, Sundberg looks to her childhood in Salmon, a small, isolated mountain community known as the most redneck town in Idaho. Like her marriage, Salmon is a place of deep contradictions, where Mormon ranchers and hippie back-to-landers live side-by-side; a place of magical beauty riven by secret brutality; a place that takes pride in its individualism and rugged self-sufficiency, yet is beholden to church and communal standards at all costs.
Mesmerizing and poetic, Goodbye, Sweet Girl is a harrowing, cautionary, and ultimately redemptive tale that brilliantly illuminates one woman’s transformation as she gradually rejects the painful reality of her violent life at the hands of the man who is supposed to cherish her, begins to accept responsibility for herself, and learns to believe that she deserves better.
"You made me hit you in the face," he said mournfully. "Now everyone is going to know." "I know," I said. "I’m sorry."
Kelly Sundberg’s husband, Caleb, was a funny, warm, supportive man and a wonderful father to their little boy Reed. He was also vengeful and violent. But Sundberg did not know that when she fell in love, and for years told herself he would get better. It took a decade for her to ultimately accept that the partnership she desired could not work with such a broken man. In her remarkable book, she offers an intimate record of the joys and terrors that accompanied her long, difficult awakening, and presents a haunting, heartbreaking glimpse into why women remain too long in dangerous relationships.
To understand herself and her violent marriage, Sundberg looks to her childhood in Salmon, a small, isolated mountain community known as the most redneck town in Idaho. Like her marriage, Salmon is a place of deep contradictions, where Mormon ranchers and hippie back-to-landers live side-by-side; a place of magical beauty riven by secret brutality; a place that takes pride in its individualism and rugged self-sufficiency, yet is beholden to church and communal standards at all costs.
Mesmerizing and poetic, Goodbye, Sweet Girl is a harrowing, cautionary, and ultimately redemptive tale that brilliantly illuminates one woman’s transformation as she gradually rejects the painful reality of her violent life at the hands of the man who is supposed to cherish her, begins to accept responsibility for herself, and learns to believe that she deserves better.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published June 5, 2018
252 people are currently reading
6458 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 296 reviews
December 24, 2017
It is a hell of a thing to write about brutality and suffering with strength, grace, generosity and beauty. That’s precisely what Kelly Sundberg has done in her gripping memoir about marriage and domestic violence. Sundberg’s honesty is astonishing, how she laid so much of herself bare, how she did not demonize a man who deserves to be demonized. Instead, she offers a portrait of a broken man and a broken marriage and an abiding love, what it took to set herself free from it all. In shimmering, open hearted prose, she shows that it took everything.
Also Caleb is trash. Fuck him.
Also Caleb is trash. Fuck him.
November 16, 2018
Kelly Sundberg is a survivor of domestic violence. I’m starting here because it wasn’t always clear to the author that she was experiencing domestic abuse.
Her story begins near the end and then reaches back into the past to provide context for her state of mind and how she came to be and stay in a violent relationship. Sundberg’s early life is much more complex than the simplistic lifestyle she describes. So much goes unsaid and broils underneath the surface within her family, network of friends, co-workers and, later, her in-laws. She’s yet another highly educated woman who you would think could not only recognize domestic abuse for what it was but also not tolerate it. But you must listen carefully as to how she eased into her situation and the complicity of so many others who were deaf to the subtleties of abuse.
I much admire Sundberg for sharing her story and hope it was cathartic as she gains so little in return for being this open. She holds nothing back, including her frailties and vulnerabilities. While it was sometimes difficult to follow the timeline, I appreciated that she told the story as her life’s puzzle occurred to and came together for her. And, she nor the narrator doesn’t over-dramatize the abusive moments, taking more care to share what she was thinking and feeling in those moments. Hers is an important and relevant story as I don’t believe she was ever a victim. She never gave up on herself. Andi Arndt narrated the story perfectly.
(I received a complimentary copy from the publisher in exchange for an unbiased review)
Her story begins near the end and then reaches back into the past to provide context for her state of mind and how she came to be and stay in a violent relationship. Sundberg’s early life is much more complex than the simplistic lifestyle she describes. So much goes unsaid and broils underneath the surface within her family, network of friends, co-workers and, later, her in-laws. She’s yet another highly educated woman who you would think could not only recognize domestic abuse for what it was but also not tolerate it. But you must listen carefully as to how she eased into her situation and the complicity of so many others who were deaf to the subtleties of abuse.
I much admire Sundberg for sharing her story and hope it was cathartic as she gains so little in return for being this open. She holds nothing back, including her frailties and vulnerabilities. While it was sometimes difficult to follow the timeline, I appreciated that she told the story as her life’s puzzle occurred to and came together for her. And, she nor the narrator doesn’t over-dramatize the abusive moments, taking more care to share what she was thinking and feeling in those moments. Hers is an important and relevant story as I don’t believe she was ever a victim. She never gave up on herself. Andi Arndt narrated the story perfectly.
(I received a complimentary copy from the publisher in exchange for an unbiased review)
January 23, 2018
I have taught Sundberg's "It Will Look Like a Sunset" in my composition classes ever since the essay came out. Every semester, the essay enables important discussions about abuse, agency, and craft. Every semester, I have students who feel empowered enough to share their story. Every semester, I have students who say that this essay changed their way of thinking. This is the power of Sundberg's work: it is both beautifully written while simultaneously holding an important conversation about violence, abuse, power, and gender. In other words, it is art, and it has the power to change lives. Her masterful memoir Goodbye, Sweet Girl is no different. This memoir about abuse and survival moved me from the first chapter (I cried in a doctor's waiting room) and never let up. I woke up early every morning so I could finish the advance copy (the last few chapters are especially moving) and found myself crying for and cheering for Sundberg. What a beautiful work!
January 30, 2019
I'm sorry, but I just didn't enjoy this book. I really wanted to. I thought I would. But I didn't. The opening is compelling and pulled me right in. However, as I read, the details really got blurry. I found it very difficult to follow Sundberg as she detailed the various relationships that led her into a violent marriage. There was too much jumping around–– while discussing one boyfriend and the relationship, there would be a sudden jump to another. For me, this dulled the impact of the message she set out to share. While I agree that there is a lot of honesty and courage in this story, there's too much blurring of those details to make the story hold together. While telling the reader that her mother was emotional distant, and at times calling her a bad mother, she also details all the times her mother came to help her or was there for her. I just didn't follow the logic. Admittedly, I gave up at 42% read. Not fair perhaps, but I RARELY give up on a movie or book. I always figure there is something to finish. This just didn't hook me and hold me.
March 20, 2018
Sometimes I want to let a book sit with me. I have to let it sink in deeply and observe how it feels in my tissues and bones before I write about it. First off, let me say that Kelly Sundberg is a courageous, talented, skilled and generous writer--it's why I've so admired her blog through the years. You are in good hands here, readers.
Kelly Sundberg was married to a mercurial, abusive writer who was, at the beginning, ahead of her on the success scale. As that scale tipped, and envy got hold of him, Caleb deteriorated. He was determined to beat his own demons out on his wife's body. Kelly tried everything to please him, but nothing worked. Batterers choose to abuse, of course, and Caleb chose to abuse Kelly, over and over again. The couples' times of peaceable good relations were always followed by mounting tension, abuse, and a new cycle of remorse, apology and quiescence. Batterers aren't just monsters; most give years of intermittent rewards and bonding reinforcements, and those sweetnesses are so lovely that a person would stay put through almost anything to get to them again. The nice guy? He's the real guy. The other one is just some dude who came in off the street wearing the nice guy's face and body.
Why wouldn't anyone want to believe that?
We always ask ourselves, "Why does she stay?" but better we look at the womxn who left and ask, "How on earth did she manage to get out?" Let Kelly Sundberg tell you why in her well-written "Goodbye."
Kelly Sundberg was married to a mercurial, abusive writer who was, at the beginning, ahead of her on the success scale. As that scale tipped, and envy got hold of him, Caleb deteriorated. He was determined to beat his own demons out on his wife's body. Kelly tried everything to please him, but nothing worked. Batterers choose to abuse, of course, and Caleb chose to abuse Kelly, over and over again. The couples' times of peaceable good relations were always followed by mounting tension, abuse, and a new cycle of remorse, apology and quiescence. Batterers aren't just monsters; most give years of intermittent rewards and bonding reinforcements, and those sweetnesses are so lovely that a person would stay put through almost anything to get to them again. The nice guy? He's the real guy. The other one is just some dude who came in off the street wearing the nice guy's face and body.
Why wouldn't anyone want to believe that?
We always ask ourselves, "Why does she stay?" but better we look at the womxn who left and ask, "How on earth did she manage to get out?" Let Kelly Sundberg tell you why in her well-written "Goodbye."
August 9, 2019
this is pretty phenomenal. i find it mostly phenomenal as a piece of self-writing, though it's also written beautifully.
i admire trauma memoirs that embrace the necessary fragmentation of trauma. once you make a memoir of trauma linear, coherent, and cogent, it seems to me you lose something. trauma never presents itself in coherent narratives and it may be okay to superimpose coherence to a traumatic experience but imo something will get lost. so i really like the back and forth that sundberg does in this book, and admire how she does it. cuz the other thing is, fragmented thoughts don't look good on page unless you work your heart out to make them look good and readable. there's this fine line between the raw fragments of your traumatized mind and the coherent narrative you would like to present because it has to be readable. if you have ever spent time talking to a severely traumatized person trying to talk about their trauma, you know it's very hard to follow. so a book that honors the fragmentation but also makes it possible for the reader to follow is a book that hits that fine line and treads it all the way through.
i don't think you can do this unless you have gotten a pretty good hold on your trauma, either through therapy or through talking it over with others or through serious self-work. sundberg did the therapy round quite a bit (couple, individual, the works), and i admire tremendously how she processed and owned her trauma enough to make it legible to us. this is backbreaking, soul-crushing work, so kudos to her for the determination to see it through.
what is most startling in this memoir, in my opinion, is how seriously and determinedly sundberg questions herself. she goes back to her past, and, thank god, legitimizes her trauma in the description of sexual abuse she received as a child, but never places any serious burden on her parents, or at least she describes them as distant but also present and eager to help. this is generous, but it's hard not to read in the narrative some degree of childhood abandonment.
and then sundberg goes on and places quite a bit of blame on herself for triggering her husband's violence and thus causing the failure of her marriage.
she tries to find a way to locate where his violence comes from in his life, but she can't, so this remains a mystery for us too. but she takes quite a bit of responsibility for it all, and while that too seems generous (and maybe it is, i dunno, i can't judge), it is also heartbreaking.
i admire trauma memoirs that embrace the necessary fragmentation of trauma. once you make a memoir of trauma linear, coherent, and cogent, it seems to me you lose something. trauma never presents itself in coherent narratives and it may be okay to superimpose coherence to a traumatic experience but imo something will get lost. so i really like the back and forth that sundberg does in this book, and admire how she does it. cuz the other thing is, fragmented thoughts don't look good on page unless you work your heart out to make them look good and readable. there's this fine line between the raw fragments of your traumatized mind and the coherent narrative you would like to present because it has to be readable. if you have ever spent time talking to a severely traumatized person trying to talk about their trauma, you know it's very hard to follow. so a book that honors the fragmentation but also makes it possible for the reader to follow is a book that hits that fine line and treads it all the way through.
i don't think you can do this unless you have gotten a pretty good hold on your trauma, either through therapy or through talking it over with others or through serious self-work. sundberg did the therapy round quite a bit (couple, individual, the works), and i admire tremendously how she processed and owned her trauma enough to make it legible to us. this is backbreaking, soul-crushing work, so kudos to her for the determination to see it through.
what is most startling in this memoir, in my opinion, is how seriously and determinedly sundberg questions herself. she goes back to her past, and, thank god, legitimizes her trauma in the description of sexual abuse she received as a child, but never places any serious burden on her parents, or at least she describes them as distant but also present and eager to help. this is generous, but it's hard not to read in the narrative some degree of childhood abandonment.
and then sundberg goes on and places quite a bit of blame on herself for triggering her husband's violence and thus causing the failure of her marriage.
she tries to find a way to locate where his violence comes from in his life, but she can't, so this remains a mystery for us too. but she takes quite a bit of responsibility for it all, and while that too seems generous (and maybe it is, i dunno, i can't judge), it is also heartbreaking.
May 1, 2018
I am not giving this book 5 stars because of the writing. The writing style is simple but surprisingly open and candid. I gave this book 5 stars because of the courage it takes to open ones whole life up to be viewed, criticized and picked part by the hungry for blood masses. To bare ones soul and admit to the shame of abuse and lay it out there before the world to step on like a rug after being walked on in life takes a special soul.It takes a survivor who wants to reach out and shake others out of there belittled state of mind and say: Wake Up, you are important and don't deserve to be a whipping girl to boost some cowards ego.
I didn't realize when I picked it up that it was the author's own tale, it hit me somewhere in chapter 3, something clicked, Hey isn't that the author's name? I loved the first chapter, and after that it slowly pulled me into her life. I was proud of her for taking a stand. It shows both the good and the bad of her relationships with her husband and his family, and her own extended family. Remember looks are deceiving. We never know the truth behind closed doors.
I didn't realize when I picked it up that it was the author's own tale, it hit me somewhere in chapter 3, something clicked, Hey isn't that the author's name? I loved the first chapter, and after that it slowly pulled me into her life. I was proud of her for taking a stand. It shows both the good and the bad of her relationships with her husband and his family, and her own extended family. Remember looks are deceiving. We never know the truth behind closed doors.
August 2, 2018
As most memoirs go, Goodbye Sweet Girl can be tough to read at times. Kelly Sundberg details her life, the beginning of her relationship, and their eventual descent into domestic abuse. The insight into why people choose to stay with their abusers and how they gather the courage to leave was raw and unfiltered. This was a real, honest take on domestic abuse. It was excellently written, yet I felt like the author was holding back a bit. It was methodical and somewhat clinical feeling, leaving me wanting more emotion. Reliving those events could not have been easy for her, kudos to the author for opening up and sharing her story with us. Doing so will help others that are stuck in the same situation and brings awareness to a subject most avoid.
July 7, 2018
1.5 stars.
I *wish* this book had been better. It wasn't emotionally honest, it withheld emotion and didn't let the reader in. As a reader I felt nothing, but was told everything too many times in the superfluous details. I found the story redundant with excessive word fluff to pad the lack of genuine pain the author must have felt. She talks about secrets in her family, Caleb's family but doesn't seem to realize as the writer she kept secrets from us. None of the other characters besides the author and Caleb are fleshed out well enough to care about them.
No actual suspense or tension was created, just impatience to get to the point. The protagonist kept saying over and over and over how she needed to leave and...I still didn't *feel* the difficulty, though I know it well in my own life. The author did a decent job explaining the back and forth one has of loving a personality-disordered person with a split who really does love you yet then blames the ills of their life on you. You know their heart is good...somewhere, but the price you pay to try to find it is costly.
I did enjoy the nonlinear narrative but her transitions were often a bit too choppy. She also had two or three chapters I enjoyed that were list-like. One chapter was called: "What I didn't Write." In another chapter there was a section entitled: "An Incomplete List of What We Tried." "Playlist for a Broken Heart" was interesting, too.
If you'd like to read a well written full energy book on domestic violence, I highly recommend Alice Anderson's Some Bright Morning, I'll Fly Away: A Memoir.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
I *wish* this book had been better. It wasn't emotionally honest, it withheld emotion and didn't let the reader in. As a reader I felt nothing, but was told everything too many times in the superfluous details. I found the story redundant with excessive word fluff to pad the lack of genuine pain the author must have felt. She talks about secrets in her family, Caleb's family but doesn't seem to realize as the writer she kept secrets from us. None of the other characters besides the author and Caleb are fleshed out well enough to care about them.
No actual suspense or tension was created, just impatience to get to the point. The protagonist kept saying over and over and over how she needed to leave and...I still didn't *feel* the difficulty, though I know it well in my own life. The author did a decent job explaining the back and forth one has of loving a personality-disordered person with a split who really does love you yet then blames the ills of their life on you. You know their heart is good...somewhere, but the price you pay to try to find it is costly.
I did enjoy the nonlinear narrative but her transitions were often a bit too choppy. She also had two or three chapters I enjoyed that were list-like. One chapter was called: "What I didn't Write." In another chapter there was a section entitled: "An Incomplete List of What We Tried." "Playlist for a Broken Heart" was interesting, too.
If you'd like to read a well written full energy book on domestic violence, I highly recommend Alice Anderson's Some Bright Morning, I'll Fly Away: A Memoir.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...
June 12, 2018
This is a very honest and open account of being in an abusive marriage. It's also a story of hope, strength, and survival.
June 6, 2018
Abuse
Brutality
Ignorance
Anger
Violence
Scared
Crying
Pain
Hurt
Focus
Truth
No quitting
Never give up
Survival
Strength
Courage
Bravery
Breaking free
Freedom
Be prepared to be sucked into the vortex that incorporate all these words letters, ultimately feelings and emotions.
Necessary truth work layered out in a very real everyday human stain upon earth. A writer with courage and bravery to lay down her life for the reader, a writer yet again seeking truth, realisation, safety, and freedom, from pen and words.
The reader will have empathy learning of her being put in a place of being unwanted and lack of acceptance and love in those important early years as a child, she mentions, “I was bad,” but the terror that was to come in the form of a husband and loved one surpassed them, no more in sickness and health vows to uphold, lines crossed, she had to get out and never return for her child’s safety and herself. First rule of writing, write about what you know, and what she has to tell unsettling but empowering. The stuff of great writing, every clear, terrible, and empowering word of it.
Excerpts @ https://more2read.com/review/goodbye-sweet-girl-by-kelly-sundberg/
Brutality
Ignorance
Anger
Violence
Scared
Crying
Pain
Hurt
Focus
Truth
No quitting
Never give up
Survival
Strength
Courage
Bravery
Breaking free
Freedom
Be prepared to be sucked into the vortex that incorporate all these words letters, ultimately feelings and emotions.
Necessary truth work layered out in a very real everyday human stain upon earth. A writer with courage and bravery to lay down her life for the reader, a writer yet again seeking truth, realisation, safety, and freedom, from pen and words.
The reader will have empathy learning of her being put in a place of being unwanted and lack of acceptance and love in those important early years as a child, she mentions, “I was bad,” but the terror that was to come in the form of a husband and loved one surpassed them, no more in sickness and health vows to uphold, lines crossed, she had to get out and never return for her child’s safety and herself. First rule of writing, write about what you know, and what she has to tell unsettling but empowering. The stuff of great writing, every clear, terrible, and empowering word of it.
Excerpts @ https://more2read.com/review/goodbye-sweet-girl-by-kelly-sundberg/
February 14, 2019
Sundberg's memoir about her abusive marriage is straight-forward, unflinching, and ultimately inspiring.
Domestic violence takes many forms, but is always damaging and demoralizing to the person being abused. It takes a great deal of strength to endure such a life, and courage to escape it.
I hope her book will help other women who are in abusive relationships find the courage to seek help and free themselves.
Domestic violence takes many forms, but is always damaging and demoralizing to the person being abused. It takes a great deal of strength to endure such a life, and courage to escape it.
I hope her book will help other women who are in abusive relationships find the courage to seek help and free themselves.
December 10, 2018
The powerful subject of emotional and physical abuse is a story that far too many women have. Anyone is to be admired for asserting themselves in a dire situation.
It is the choppy writing that is a bit problematic. Back and forth between cities in Idaho and two distant states. Back and forth between boyfriends and her husband. Back and forth between adulthood and childhood. In and out of school. It is just not cohesive.
While understanding that the author would want to provide a context for when and how the abuse began and why she stayed, she is very hard on family members without ever really presenting why they are at least somewhat at fault. Lots of implication without substance.
There is little sense of momentum either in the realm of suspense, shock, empathy or compassion. Even her love for her little boy seems underdeveloped in her writing. He seems a bit too well adjusted after watching his mother being injured, and then he ends up spending long summers with good old dad?
Would have liked to have heard more about her husband's mental illness and her own wonderful experience of achieving a doctorate in writing.
It is the choppy writing that is a bit problematic. Back and forth between cities in Idaho and two distant states. Back and forth between boyfriends and her husband. Back and forth between adulthood and childhood. In and out of school. It is just not cohesive.
While understanding that the author would want to provide a context for when and how the abuse began and why she stayed, she is very hard on family members without ever really presenting why they are at least somewhat at fault. Lots of implication without substance.
There is little sense of momentum either in the realm of suspense, shock, empathy or compassion. Even her love for her little boy seems underdeveloped in her writing. He seems a bit too well adjusted after watching his mother being injured, and then he ends up spending long summers with good old dad?
Would have liked to have heard more about her husband's mental illness and her own wonderful experience of achieving a doctorate in writing.
July 22, 2018
Let me start by congratulating Kelly for her courage and bravery in leaving her abuser. It’s unfortunate that this story is the happy ending for too many women let alone the many women who never break or make it free.
That being said the story was flat for me. I believe if you’re going to write a memoir it should be all or nothing. What was written was a story that wandered into irrelevant details and circled around things that should have been revealed. I feel as though Kelly played it safe and intentionally only scratched the surface of her story. It was like a sneak peak but then she left you hanging with no real follow-up.
I found that I wanted more insight into her relationship with Caleb. Too much of the stories revolved around her prior boyfriends. Yes, she has a history of poor choices in men but the book dwelled on those relationships more than her marriage. This book read more like a healing journey for Kelly, which is great, but did not translate well into an interesting story for the reader.
That being said the story was flat for me. I believe if you’re going to write a memoir it should be all or nothing. What was written was a story that wandered into irrelevant details and circled around things that should have been revealed. I feel as though Kelly played it safe and intentionally only scratched the surface of her story. It was like a sneak peak but then she left you hanging with no real follow-up.
I found that I wanted more insight into her relationship with Caleb. Too much of the stories revolved around her prior boyfriends. Yes, she has a history of poor choices in men but the book dwelled on those relationships more than her marriage. This book read more like a healing journey for Kelly, which is great, but did not translate well into an interesting story for the reader.
August 12, 2020
I feel so bad saying this, but this was boring and mostly filler. More time seemed to be spent on her ex-boyfriends and her mom, who she seemed to say was unsupportive, but then was helping pay her bills. Very little was actually said about the actual domestic violence. I'm sure this was hard for her to write about, but this book could've been so much shorter.
August 3, 2020
Throughout this book, I was constantly pleading with Kelly to leave Caleb, thinking “Why hasn’t she done it yet? Why does she keep convincing herself to stay?” completely void of the fact that when I started reading this book, I already knew Kelly had left Caleb. The story was so powerful that whilst I was reading it, any foreknowledge of Kelly’s safety was gone, and I was constantly on edge as though her future was uncertain. This book is powerful and raw, yet in such a discreet way. Sundberg’s work is magnificent. I have read this book in preparation for my dissertation in my own English degree, centred on domestic abuse and violence, and this book has not only been a massively informative read, but also now become one of my favourite books.
November 14, 2020
Tough book to read if you have your own story of intimate partner abuse. Well written as to her own outlook and thinking during the steps of her journey. It is difficult for people outside such relationships to understand why a woman stays. There is a cycle of kindness, tension building, lashing out, and physical touch that brain washes and traumatizes that keeps the victim locked into a hopeless place. Add in financial instability and fear for a child's welfare and it is a toxic storm that crushes the strongest of humans. Thankfully, with much help & support and healing of her own, this author was able to break the cycle and get free. Not all victims attain that.
September 28, 2018
This is an eloquently written memoir about one woman's experience with domestic violence. I'm trying to figure out how to relate this in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm minimizing Sundberg's experiences, but -- one of the things that made this book powerful for me was that what Sundberg experienced is, in its own way, horrifically banal. This isn't a true crime book. It's not sensational. Evoking the patterns of a violent relationship itself, Sundberg gives us brief moments of terror and violence, and then goes back to daily life, filling in the details of everything else that was going on at the time. She helps the reader understand how people who are abused can keep thinking that maybe things will get better.
I am so impressed with this book, and with Sundberg's bravery and clarity. But what made me cheer with tears in my eyes was at the end, when she writes: "I am not stronger. I am not stronger because of what he did to me. But I am stronger. And I was strong before I met him. And I was strong during the abuse." She goes on to describe that strength. There is so often the narrative that people who are abused and don't leave are "weak," and god bless Sundberg for countering that unequivocally.
I am so impressed with this book, and with Sundberg's bravery and clarity. But what made me cheer with tears in my eyes was at the end, when she writes: "I am not stronger. I am not stronger because of what he did to me. But I am stronger. And I was strong before I met him. And I was strong during the abuse." She goes on to describe that strength. There is so often the narrative that people who are abused and don't leave are "weak," and god bless Sundberg for countering that unequivocally.
December 5, 2018
Domestic violence is a tricky thing. While he is hitting you or shoving or slapping, leaving seems to be the obvious answer. But it’s all of the inbetween that makes it confusing. When he’s apologetic and calm.
Maybe I shouldn’t have made him mad. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what he doesn’t want me to do. Maybe if I just don’t make him mad, he won’t do it again. Maybe that was the last time. Except it rarely is the last time and it escalates. And they are too afraid to leave. What will he do when he finds me?
Kelly’s story is a very real account of one woman’s journey. What started out as a “normal” relationship turned dark and bit by bit Caleb got more violent.
I loved the author’s way of telling a story. I didn’t love how it hopped around all over the place interrupting the flow of the story.
Still a very good read from a courageous author who was able to break away. A 3 1/2 star for me.
Maybe I shouldn’t have made him mad. Maybe I shouldn’t have done what he doesn’t want me to do. Maybe if I just don’t make him mad, he won’t do it again. Maybe that was the last time. Except it rarely is the last time and it escalates. And they are too afraid to leave. What will he do when he finds me?
Kelly’s story is a very real account of one woman’s journey. What started out as a “normal” relationship turned dark and bit by bit Caleb got more violent.
I loved the author’s way of telling a story. I didn’t love how it hopped around all over the place interrupting the flow of the story.
Still a very good read from a courageous author who was able to break away. A 3 1/2 star for me.
November 3, 2021
AMAZING!!
A deftly told story about finding the strength to leave and why it's so difficult to do so.
Please read this book if you haven't already!
Kelly Sundberg's likeable and authentic voice provides an inside view of something too many people either experience themselves or dismiss as irrelevant.
A deftly told story about finding the strength to leave and why it's so difficult to do so.
Please read this book if you haven't already!
Kelly Sundberg's likeable and authentic voice provides an inside view of something too many people either experience themselves or dismiss as irrelevant.
July 31, 2019
Goodbye, Sweet Girl was amazing. "A story of domestic violence and survival," this wasn't always the easiest read, but I think it's a really important one.
Sundberg talks about not only her abusive marriage in this finely crafted memoir, but also her childhood, their relationship prior to the abuse, and other aspects of her life. Her personal reflections on their relationship broke my heart, made me upset for her, and were so easy to relate to. I sped through the second half of this book because I just needed to read it immediately.
Highly recommend.
Sundberg talks about not only her abusive marriage in this finely crafted memoir, but also her childhood, their relationship prior to the abuse, and other aspects of her life. Her personal reflections on their relationship broke my heart, made me upset for her, and were so easy to relate to. I sped through the second half of this book because I just needed to read it immediately.
Highly recommend.
December 29, 2020
This memoir is FABULOUS. It is painful and beautiful. You will cry for Kelly Sundberg and cheer for her.
And you will really hate her abuser, who is such a garbage person.
And you will really hate her abuser, who is such a garbage person.
April 6, 2024
Triggering as hell. I don’t know why I choose to read these books. Maybe it’s to connect to someone who’s been there and done that. At lot of the emotions, stories, situations she went through, I could connect to. I just wish she elaborated more and didn’t bounce around so much.
September 7, 2025
to live this, and then to write this, is an astonishing testament to sundberg’s character and resilience. hell of a book.
May 26, 2018
GOODBYE, SWEET GIRL is a vivid, beautifully composed memoir about Kelly Sundberg’s tumultuous marriage to an abusive man. The narrative evokes feelings of remorse, uncertainty, and later, empowerment. It’s a compelling read, and although the disjointed timeline proves difficult to follow at times, I finished this book with a full heart.
July 25, 2019
Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival by Kelly Sundberg (Harper Collins 2018) (362.8292). This is a harrowing tale but an extremely well-written memoir of an abused woman who tried with all the tools at her disposal to save her dying marriage to an abusive spouse.
Author Kelly Sundberg is a natural storyteller, and what she shares here is a recounting of her desperate attempts to re-ignite the love and compassion from the early years of her marriage. Unfortunately she was married to a rage-a-holic. Her spouse's anger and his lack of self awareness (e.g., “Now look what you made me do. You made me punch you in the head.”) created an untenable (not to mention unsafe) situation. Sadly, her desperate desire to recover the security and comfort of a loving marriage led her to tolerate abuse and violence way past the point of all reason.
Why do people tolerate such behavior? Why would someone stay in such a marriage? Kelly Sundberg does a thorough job of explaining the thought processes that allowed an otherwise intelligent and rational person to tolerate such abusive behaviors by a significant other. My rating: 7/10, finished 6/25/19.
Author Kelly Sundberg is a natural storyteller, and what she shares here is a recounting of her desperate attempts to re-ignite the love and compassion from the early years of her marriage. Unfortunately she was married to a rage-a-holic. Her spouse's anger and his lack of self awareness (e.g., “Now look what you made me do. You made me punch you in the head.”) created an untenable (not to mention unsafe) situation. Sadly, her desperate desire to recover the security and comfort of a loving marriage led her to tolerate abuse and violence way past the point of all reason.
Why do people tolerate such behavior? Why would someone stay in such a marriage? Kelly Sundberg does a thorough job of explaining the thought processes that allowed an otherwise intelligent and rational person to tolerate such abusive behaviors by a significant other. My rating: 7/10, finished 6/25/19.
August 3, 2018
I find it very difficult to review memoirs. These are stories of peoples’ lives, their experiences and memories laid bare. That’s why I have thought for a while what to write about this book. Kelly Sundberg lays bare the story of her life, all of the ups and downs, the positives and the many negatives. The honesty actually really surprised me. And I absolutely applaud her for being brave enough to do this. Sundberg’s memoir has very difficult subject matter and most of the time it’s not even discussed at all: domestic violence. Sundberg’s husband was abusive and she stayed married to him for many years. She addresses the question that everyone has asked when they hear a woman stayed in an abusive marriage: why wouldn’t she just leave? This memoir describes the thoughts that went through Sundberg’s mind, all of the emotions she was confronted with, and how she eventually was able to get herself out of a dangerous marriage.
Overall, this memoir kept me glued to the pages because Sundberg’s prose flows beautifully and smoothly even though the story is so heartbreaking. I would recommend this anyone who enjoys memoirs but I would warn readers of the sensitive subject matter. Read the synopsis before you decide to immerse yourself in this book.
Overall, this memoir kept me glued to the pages because Sundberg’s prose flows beautifully and smoothly even though the story is so heartbreaking. I would recommend this anyone who enjoys memoirs but I would warn readers of the sensitive subject matter. Read the synopsis before you decide to immerse yourself in this book.
January 25, 2020
It’s tough to know what makes a book work or not work but I wasn’t at all emotionally involved with this story. Clearly it had to be the writing because who wouldn’t be caught up in a story about domestic violence?
So I’ll take a stab at telling you why I think it didn’t work. I read once that a story usually starts many chapters into an initial draft and that seems to be a big problem here. We get the hook and then the author pretty much leaves the story. Toward the end she gives us details that should have been woven into the early part of the story. Those early omissions kept me emotionally distant from the story. We don’t even read these crucial details until page 216. It seemed to me her story started on page 191 or 177. She could have woven some of the more mundane stuff in after that but she didn’t and the book suffered because of it. All the substance of the story was crammed into the final pages and I read it with a complete lack of emotion.
Not were there enough details about her difficulties with her parents to involve the reader. She tells us often how she feels but rarely shows us why she feels it. Too little of this or that happened and too much of “I felt this or that”.
Domestic abuse is awful and I feel badly that this author had to go through it but the book wasn’t well written. For an accomplished writer, the writing itself was very ho hum.
So I’ll take a stab at telling you why I think it didn’t work. I read once that a story usually starts many chapters into an initial draft and that seems to be a big problem here. We get the hook and then the author pretty much leaves the story. Toward the end she gives us details that should have been woven into the early part of the story. Those early omissions kept me emotionally distant from the story. We don’t even read these crucial details until page 216. It seemed to me her story started on page 191 or 177. She could have woven some of the more mundane stuff in after that but she didn’t and the book suffered because of it. All the substance of the story was crammed into the final pages and I read it with a complete lack of emotion.
Not were there enough details about her difficulties with her parents to involve the reader. She tells us often how she feels but rarely shows us why she feels it. Too little of this or that happened and too much of “I felt this or that”.
Domestic abuse is awful and I feel badly that this author had to go through it but the book wasn’t well written. For an accomplished writer, the writing itself was very ho hum.
December 18, 2018
Kelly Sundberg's powerful memoir of domestic violence and survival is a MUST-read. I first learned about Kelly's work through her essay, "It Will Look Like a Sunset" https://www.guernicamag.com/it-will-l... . The essay blew me away and led me to think about my own abusive marriage and my journey -- how I came to be there, and who I wanted to be afterwards. I'm lucky enough to have met Kelly "in real life" through the writing world, and I was so excited when this book came out, I pre-ordered it the first day it was available. I had to read it in little bits, a chapter here and a chapter there, because it was so real to me, and so close to my experience.
We need these stories, and everyone needs to read them, not just women, not just survivors, EVERYONE. If you have a domestic violence shelter near you, you should buy them a copy of this book. I can guarantee that you'll be saving a life.
We need these stories, and everyone needs to read them, not just women, not just survivors, EVERYONE. If you have a domestic violence shelter near you, you should buy them a copy of this book. I can guarantee that you'll be saving a life.
August 31, 2019
So much of this story does not make sense. The author, Kelly Sundberg, strongly hints that her parents were cold and (possibly?) abusive. Yet they are there for her each time she asks for help. The author claims that she loves her husband throughout the story, but she expresses her doubts from the the very beginning of their relationship. The timeline jumps around too much...there are too many secondary characters. The descriptions of abuse ring true, but it feels like she is simply scratching the surface. More details to the lead up of each incident, more backstory, would have given the story more depth.
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