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Moan: Anonymous Essays on Female Orgasm
Imagine you could give an essay entitled "How to Make Me Come" to a past, present or future sex partner, free of judgment or repercussion. What would you want them to know? In this book inspired by Emma Koenig's wildly popular website, a diverse collective of women do just that.
Emma Koenig was inspired to answer this question after a truly frustrating sexual experience with a partner. As she says, "THE SIMPLEST VERSION OF THIS STORY DEVOID OF ALL IDENTIFYING DETAILS: He thought I had an orgasm. I hadn't." She knew she couldn't be the only woman to have been mystified by an experience such as this, and so her Tumblr, How to Make Me Come, was born as a safe space for women to talk honestly and openly. The website touched a major chord. It received tons of press and garnered over a million page views in a month. And now, a broad range of the best of these anonymous essays have been collected into MOAN.
The ways through which women achieve sexual pleasure are often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood. MOAN tackles the ideas surrounding the sometimes elusive orgasm head on. Here is a look into the spectrum of desire. Of frustration. Of experiences that have left an impact. From the hilarious to the tragic, from the intellectual to the erotic, these essays will leave you feeling inspired and excited to embark on your own journey of sexual exploration and empower women to do what most of the time is hardest for us: asking for what we want and don't in the bedroom and beyond.
Emma Koenig was inspired to answer this question after a truly frustrating sexual experience with a partner. As she says, "THE SIMPLEST VERSION OF THIS STORY DEVOID OF ALL IDENTIFYING DETAILS: He thought I had an orgasm. I hadn't." She knew she couldn't be the only woman to have been mystified by an experience such as this, and so her Tumblr, How to Make Me Come, was born as a safe space for women to talk honestly and openly. The website touched a major chord. It received tons of press and garnered over a million page views in a month. And now, a broad range of the best of these anonymous essays have been collected into MOAN.
The ways through which women achieve sexual pleasure are often ignored, devalued, or misunderstood. MOAN tackles the ideas surrounding the sometimes elusive orgasm head on. Here is a look into the spectrum of desire. Of frustration. Of experiences that have left an impact. From the hilarious to the tragic, from the intellectual to the erotic, these essays will leave you feeling inspired and excited to embark on your own journey of sexual exploration and empower women to do what most of the time is hardest for us: asking for what we want and don't in the bedroom and beyond.
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Published May 22, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
May 20, 2018
3 1/2
Interesting at first but then seemed to get repetitive. It hit all kinds of age and sex. Mostly 20 some olds that seem to masterbate 24/7 and almost prefer that over everything. I have nothing against 20 some year olds.
I like the idea of empowering woman to talk about sex and orgasms. It needs to be conversation we need to have more often without feeling like we are sluts or preverted. Woman talking about sex or even liking sex always has a bad connotation, and men can watch talk and brag like its their badge of honor. Just another way woman are suppressed in today’s society.
Interesting and liberating.
Received an ARC from the publisher through NetGalley
Interesting at first but then seemed to get repetitive. It hit all kinds of age and sex. Mostly 20 some olds that seem to masterbate 24/7 and almost prefer that over everything. I have nothing against 20 some year olds.
I like the idea of empowering woman to talk about sex and orgasms. It needs to be conversation we need to have more often without feeling like we are sluts or preverted. Woman talking about sex or even liking sex always has a bad connotation, and men can watch talk and brag like its their badge of honor. Just another way woman are suppressed in today’s society.
Interesting and liberating.
Received an ARC from the publisher through NetGalley
June 15, 2018
Was this book occasionally repetitive? Sure. Did I find it fascinating anyway? Absolutely.
As with any essay collection there are going to be some pieces that are better than others (and this is no exception), but what makes this collection so interesting to me is the sheer volume and the way the voices both echo and contradict one another. With each essay around two to three pages in length (a few are longer, but this was pretty consistent average) there are a lot of perspectives in here. I find it interesting getting to hear women speak anonymously, and thus totally honestly, about their sexual experiences. There are plenty of pieces in here that are basically just women relating what works for them in the bedroom, but there are plenty more about what *doesn't* work, first experiences, ruminations on femininity, how things have changed for them, how they feel different, or just how they feel in general. These aren't stories you often get to hear, and even when I couldn't relate (although there were a few where I very much could) I was interested.
My biggest critique would be the apparent lack of variety in the essayists. Its hard to be sure, since it is anonymous, but the contributors did seem to come from fairly uniform backgrounds, which could have been improved. I'd have liked to have read more essays from queer women, assault survivors, and various age groups. There are essays from all of those groups, but not nearly as many as there are from 20-something college educated women. I suspect this is because many essays were collected online.
The foreword talks about how sexuality is part of what makes us human, and by denying women their sexuality we deny them the ability to be fully human. I truly believe this, and this book put a very human voice to the varied world of women's sexual experiences. A great book for anyone interested in sexuality, regardless of gender.
As with any essay collection there are going to be some pieces that are better than others (and this is no exception), but what makes this collection so interesting to me is the sheer volume and the way the voices both echo and contradict one another. With each essay around two to three pages in length (a few are longer, but this was pretty consistent average) there are a lot of perspectives in here. I find it interesting getting to hear women speak anonymously, and thus totally honestly, about their sexual experiences. There are plenty of pieces in here that are basically just women relating what works for them in the bedroom, but there are plenty more about what *doesn't* work, first experiences, ruminations on femininity, how things have changed for them, how they feel different, or just how they feel in general. These aren't stories you often get to hear, and even when I couldn't relate (although there were a few where I very much could) I was interested.
My biggest critique would be the apparent lack of variety in the essayists. Its hard to be sure, since it is anonymous, but the contributors did seem to come from fairly uniform backgrounds, which could have been improved. I'd have liked to have read more essays from queer women, assault survivors, and various age groups. There are essays from all of those groups, but not nearly as many as there are from 20-something college educated women. I suspect this is because many essays were collected online.
The foreword talks about how sexuality is part of what makes us human, and by denying women their sexuality we deny them the ability to be fully human. I truly believe this, and this book put a very human voice to the varied world of women's sexual experiences. A great book for anyone interested in sexuality, regardless of gender.
May 5, 2018
the essays are so similar that the book got really repetitive. I wish there’d been more of an effort to showcase a wider variety of perspectives about sex and orgasms - the writers are all cis, almost all the writers are women who are writing about having sex with men, none of the writers are asexual, very few are postmenopause, etc.
May 1, 2020
It would have been nice to have a wider variety of essay topics beyond “I used to fake orgasms.” There were some that didn’t center around this, but it didn’t feel like many. Open conversations about sex, and especially women enjoying sex, are necessary and empowering, but the repetitiveness took me out of the actual coolness of getting to read women talking about orgasms. Additionally, there was certainly a lot of talking about lack of orgasms. It makes me kind of sad that when there is conversation about orgasms and female sexual pleasure, the gist is that many women still have trouble with having any at all, as is made evident in this book. I suppose all women have complicated relationships with sex, but I wish the focus was wider than given in this book. It was still a fascinating and important read, I just felt like I didn’t get a lot out of it.
July 7, 2020
This was a fun read. My only criticisms of it are ones that I see have come up in other reviews:
1. It got kinda repetitive after a while. A lot of the essays were pretty similar.
2. I don't understand WHY the need for repetition, as there's a whole range of experiences out there that could have been included, but weren't. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Even though the essays are anonymous, many of them do give information within the essay about the demographic of the writer. By and large, the essays were from cis women roughly in their 20s-early 30s, and most (but not all) were heterosexual. I wish there was more representation of: a range of gender identities, queer sex, older people, post menopausal people, essays about sex after child birth, kinks/fetishes as they relate to orgasm, disabled sex, etc.
Tldr: it felt like there was a lot that the book didn't touch on, and a lot of really obvious (in my opinion anyway) perspectives weren't included, but shrug.
1. It got kinda repetitive after a while. A lot of the essays were pretty similar.
2. I don't understand WHY the need for repetition, as there's a whole range of experiences out there that could have been included, but weren't. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Even though the essays are anonymous, many of them do give information within the essay about the demographic of the writer. By and large, the essays were from cis women roughly in their 20s-early 30s, and most (but not all) were heterosexual. I wish there was more representation of: a range of gender identities, queer sex, older people, post menopausal people, essays about sex after child birth, kinks/fetishes as they relate to orgasm, disabled sex, etc.
Tldr: it felt like there was a lot that the book didn't touch on, and a lot of really obvious (in my opinion anyway) perspectives weren't included, but shrug.
September 3, 2018
Funny but serious. I think what I took away from Emma Koenig's book is
don't sell yourself short ladies and gentlemen.
I LOVED all the essays and I thought it was pretty diverse in perspectives. The female orgasm is something that is sort of "taboo" to talk about due to the way that society has socialized the idea of women and sex. In most pornography, the sex is done when the guy cums without any interest in the women's actual enjoyment at all. I think it's lit that books exist like this to combat these negative ideologies stuffed down our throats about sex.
I also like that the essays here are all over the place in their experiences. It's not monolithic. There's so many perspectives that I found myself laughing out loud about or losing my breath over while reading this in public. For example, the essay by the one lady who could only cum if she was told a story about her partner having sex with someone else who's not her.. that's a unique experience and it made me go - ohhh, well damn. Countless stories about women who spoke up for themselves and their own pleasure because they were sick of the bullshit. I can ride with this. These are the kind of stories involved in MOAN and it's honestly refreshing to read women write about their firsts, their happiness, sadness, ease and struggle when it comes to orgasms. I loved it. It wasn't repetitive at all.
I LOVED all the essays and I thought it was pretty diverse in perspectives. The female orgasm is something that is sort of "taboo" to talk about due to the way that society has socialized the idea of women and sex. In most pornography, the sex is done when the guy cums without any interest in the women's actual enjoyment at all. I think it's lit that books exist like this to combat these negative ideologies stuffed down our throats about sex.
I also like that the essays here are all over the place in their experiences. It's not monolithic. There's so many perspectives that I found myself laughing out loud about or losing my breath over while reading this in public. For example, the essay by the one lady who could only cum if she was told a story about her partner having sex with someone else who's not her.. that's a unique experience and it made me go - ohhh, well damn. Countless stories about women who spoke up for themselves and their own pleasure because they were sick of the bullshit. I can ride with this. These are the kind of stories involved in MOAN and it's honestly refreshing to read women write about their firsts, their happiness, sadness, ease and struggle when it comes to orgasms. I loved it. It wasn't repetitive at all.
August 2, 2024
Yep, it seems like I'm entering another one of those I'm trying to figure out this sex thing phases. So, yeah... I will be probably reading more books like this on in the foreseeable future.
I picked up this book hoping that I would find someone with a similar experience to mine which didn't really happen. There was one that got close, but it wasn't really that helpful. This is to say my personal expectations weren't met exactly, but that's not this book's fault. A lot of people seem to criticize the genericity of the essays, but I actually disagree with that? There are some topics and patters that repeat a lot, that's true - especially faking orgasms - but I figured that's because it's something a lot of women struggle with. And I think that the interesting part that a lot of the readers might have missed is that while some essays share some significant feature they are often radically different in another ones.
I also think that the diversity in the essays is pretty great? They are anonymous and we only have the information the essayists give us, but there is multiple queer women (some bi/pan, some lesbians), one trans woman and the representation of the age-groups is also pretty good. Lot of the reviewers seem to think that most of the women are in their twenties and there were certainly quite a bit of those but lot of the essayist never gave their age so I'm thinking there might be some reader-bias. Quite a bit of the essayist talk about the feminist movement, being part of the second wave feminism, growing up in fifties, having sex after menopause. I'm not saying that I wouldn't love if there were more queer women involved, if we got some women with disabilities etc. but I feel like this collection does a pretty good job as it is. (But you can also take into consideration that I'm too a woman in my twenties so if there was a bias it worked in my favour here... kind of.)
The essay that I think stuck with me the most is the one that argues that there is nothing immoral about faking it and that sometimes it's just what's most convenient. I disagreed with some points but overall I found the writing really refreshing and confident and just really persuasive. There were a few essays that made me feel a bit... worried and there were points I strongly disagreed with, but since this is a collection of very personal essays I don't really think that is a flaw.
Overall, this was a very quick and easy read and if you are curious how different women can experience and not experience orgasm very differently, I think this is a pretty good read. It wasn't world changing to me, but it was still interesting to see those very specific and real experiences. I didn't plan to really review this book, but I guess it happened... I'll never really understand my brain...
I picked up this book hoping that I would find someone with a similar experience to mine which didn't really happen. There was one that got close, but it wasn't really that helpful. This is to say my personal expectations weren't met exactly, but that's not this book's fault. A lot of people seem to criticize the genericity of the essays, but I actually disagree with that? There are some topics and patters that repeat a lot, that's true - especially faking orgasms - but I figured that's because it's something a lot of women struggle with. And I think that the interesting part that a lot of the readers might have missed is that while some essays share some significant feature they are often radically different in another ones.
I also think that the diversity in the essays is pretty great? They are anonymous and we only have the information the essayists give us, but there is multiple queer women (some bi/pan, some lesbians), one trans woman and the representation of the age-groups is also pretty good. Lot of the reviewers seem to think that most of the women are in their twenties and there were certainly quite a bit of those but lot of the essayist never gave their age so I'm thinking there might be some reader-bias. Quite a bit of the essayist talk about the feminist movement, being part of the second wave feminism, growing up in fifties, having sex after menopause. I'm not saying that I wouldn't love if there were more queer women involved, if we got some women with disabilities etc. but I feel like this collection does a pretty good job as it is. (But you can also take into consideration that I'm too a woman in my twenties so if there was a bias it worked in my favour here... kind of.)
The essay that I think stuck with me the most is the one that argues that there is nothing immoral about faking it and that sometimes it's just what's most convenient. I disagreed with some points but overall I found the writing really refreshing and confident and just really persuasive. There were a few essays that made me feel a bit... worried and there were points I strongly disagreed with, but since this is a collection of very personal essays I don't really think that is a flaw.
Overall, this was a very quick and easy read and if you are curious how different women can experience and not experience orgasm very differently, I think this is a pretty good read. It wasn't world changing to me, but it was still interesting to see those very specific and real experiences. I didn't plan to really review this book, but I guess it happened... I'll never really understand my brain...
February 7, 2021
This was an interesting book and I liked that it was about empowering women to talk about sex and orgasms so openly. But I had the same problem that a lot of other reviewers did, which was that it became very repetitive. There were just so many stories that were alike in terms of what they thought about sex or how they were best able to achieve orgasm. I really wish there was more of a variety of experiences here. I wanted more from older women, in different parts of their lives and I also wanted more from women who had been married for a while. Most of the women were young and cis and single, so they basically all told the same story. This one was just okay. I liked the premise, but think the execution could have been better.
March 31, 2021
I like the idea behind these essays, but I think it could have been executed better.
My biggest issue is the lack of distinct style and diction among the essays. It felt like they were all written by one person putting different scenarios into their own words. Yes, there were important and serious topics discussed, however they felt detached and surface level. It has the feel of a BuzzFeed article. You know what I mean.
2 stars because I can see it benefiting some people, and the concept is one worth normalizing. But it was still a stagnant and forgettable read. The second half was better imo.
My biggest issue is the lack of distinct style and diction among the essays. It felt like they were all written by one person putting different scenarios into their own words. Yes, there were important and serious topics discussed, however they felt detached and surface level. It has the feel of a BuzzFeed article. You know what I mean.
2 stars because I can see it benefiting some people, and the concept is one worth normalizing. But it was still a stagnant and forgettable read. The second half was better imo.
March 24, 2019
Couldn’t be any more explicit! Honest and open reflections by a variety of women, and pretty inspiring.
September 10, 2023
I had to check this out using my New York library card. It’s a shame Utah doesn’t give access to this collection of anonymous stories, because I found it incredibly endearing and enlightening. Every woman should purchase a copy, put a heart by each short story that they relate to, and then *boom* women officially have a manual!
There is such a wide variety of experiences when it comes to sex. But I found two universal themes across the wide spectrum: 1) COMMUNICATE and 2) *Stop* faking it!
There is such a wide variety of experiences when it comes to sex. But I found two universal themes across the wide spectrum: 1) COMMUNICATE and 2) *Stop* faking it!
July 16, 2018
This book was wonderful! If you are sexually active and any of your sexual activity involves a female, you should read this book! This book did a great job speaking to female issues both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom (or wherever it is that you're 'doing it'--haha); it normalized so many experiences for me as a woman...I read large parts of the book with my partner and it was a great experience. Highly recommend :) It seems to be underrated for whatever reason, so here I am recommending it to everyone I know!
December 25, 2022
love a book about sex and women always, a lot of unevenness in writing quality but really i just realized that no thought is new, we all just want to feel hot as hell !!
August 21, 2018
Este libro de ensayos anónimos es honesto y divertido. Aunque repetitivo en ocasiones, Moan habla del orgasmo femenino con una sinceridad refrescante.
October 21, 2025
I liked a lot of this, and I loved the overall message of it. How cool is it to be able to read this publicly?
I love a book that I can pick up and put down, and this was one hell of a book to do that with. Made me feel all sorts of things. I do wish there were more queer stories in here.
I love a book that I can pick up and put down, and this was one hell of a book to do that with. Made me feel all sorts of things. I do wish there were more queer stories in here.
October 17, 2025
I wish I could put this in front of so so so many women. Wherever you're at on your sex journey, it's okay, AND it's okay to talk about.
Read
April 29, 2021definitely felt like the essays coming from women interested in men were maybe 95% similar. there are a couple in here that deviate it have a more interesting take and tone, but i feel like i’d read them all after reading like three
December 7, 2022
Not to be read on the subway or bus for risk of harassment. Take my word as warning.
"How to Make Me Come," was the prompt given to the anonymous writers of these pieces (essay is too great a compliment for the majority, though a few "authors" did drone on and on [those who were very clearly in their mid-30's- sorry, millennial liberals, you lose again!])… Some of these women turned me on. Some of the older women were cause for jealousy- hint: lots of Ivy-grad Manhattanites. More than a handful made me envious and frustrated for reasons not pertaining to their pedigree, but their orgasmic prolificacy. I already knew of lucky women with a wealth of vaginal and or clitoral orgasm experiences during penetrative sex with male partners. "An ex and I timed how long it took for me to reach orgasm during sex- 17 seconds." Okay? I'll admit, I was frustrated. BUT! I was affected by what I read, and realized if the 17-70 minutes on-a-good-day women had figured out their freaky little fucking recipe, I could (and would, so help me goddess!!) experiment my way to orgasm.
My reaction is case for the point Koenig is making here: everyone having sex with women, especially THEMSELVES, needs to know more about the female orgasm, because we really ought to pay more attention to women, in general.
Ignore your gender-fucking 2022 education. Yes, women are narrowly defined in this book, and most of the authors are straight women, or at least are writing about and for the benefit of (themselves through the knowledge gained by) their straight, male partners. No, this does not mean the only way to be a woman is to be born with female sex organs. These stories are written by very specific women. All sorts of this one kind of woman, actually, but what I mean to say is this: this book is written by cis women about having sex as a cis woman.
Edit: Would like to have heard from post-menopausal women, survivors, ace women, etc... but there are hotlines for that, and this is a short book.
If you can grin and bear it (oh god, the horror of __wave feminism!) you might find yourself inspired. It takes a lot of guts (missed opportunity for an ironic use of balls?) to write about the vulnerability of Your Process. Coming isn't an easy experience for everyone, even those who come easily. Koenig's checkmate: I did walk away from this book considering the contents of my own instructional essay.
Now that you won't be able to read online.
(REIDONLINE.... get it?)
"How to Make Me Come," was the prompt given to the anonymous writers of these pieces (essay is too great a compliment for the majority, though a few "authors" did drone on and on [those who were very clearly in their mid-30's- sorry, millennial liberals, you lose again!])… Some of these women turned me on. Some of the older women were cause for jealousy- hint: lots of Ivy-grad Manhattanites. More than a handful made me envious and frustrated for reasons not pertaining to their pedigree, but their orgasmic prolificacy. I already knew of lucky women with a wealth of vaginal and or clitoral orgasm experiences during penetrative sex with male partners. "An ex and I timed how long it took for me to reach orgasm during sex- 17 seconds." Okay? I'll admit, I was frustrated. BUT! I was affected by what I read, and realized if the 17-70 minutes on-a-good-day women had figured out their freaky little fucking recipe, I could (and would, so help me goddess!!) experiment my way to orgasm.
My reaction is case for the point Koenig is making here: everyone having sex with women, especially THEMSELVES, needs to know more about the female orgasm, because we really ought to pay more attention to women, in general.
Ignore your gender-fucking 2022 education. Yes, women are narrowly defined in this book, and most of the authors are straight women, or at least are writing about and for the benefit of (themselves through the knowledge gained by) their straight, male partners. No, this does not mean the only way to be a woman is to be born with female sex organs. These stories are written by very specific women. All sorts of this one kind of woman, actually, but what I mean to say is this: this book is written by cis women about having sex as a cis woman.
Edit: Would like to have heard from post-menopausal women, survivors, ace women, etc... but there are hotlines for that, and this is a short book.
If you can grin and bear it (oh god, the horror of __wave feminism!) you might find yourself inspired. It takes a lot of guts (missed opportunity for an ironic use of balls?) to write about the vulnerability of Your Process. Coming isn't an easy experience for everyone, even those who come easily. Koenig's checkmate: I did walk away from this book considering the contents of my own instructional essay.
Now that you won't be able to read online.
(REIDONLINE.... get it?)
August 27, 2025
Validating and Honest
For starters, it will be interesting trying to review a book on sex, or more specifically, orgasms without incurring the wrath of the anonymous Amazon censors! But what the heck, I'm up for a challenge!
This book is a compilation of essays written by women on the aforementioned topic of what makes them climax during sex. Is it oral only? Fingering? Stroking the elusive G-spot? Good old fashioned penetration with penis in vagina? Masturbation? Porn? Or a combination of factors? I found it interesting and arousing to read the answers as the writers really put some thought into it, were honest and I noticed both similarities and differences in their responses.
Some commonalities are: it is quite easy to fake an orgasm and most of us have done it at least once. It happens when we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings because he or she has been trying so hard to send us over the edge but it just isn't happening. It happens when we'd really rather call it a night because the alarm is due to ring in 5 hours but there's no bells ringing for us now anyway! It happens because the other person is approaching it like a goal to check off as quickly as possible so THEY can come. Or maybe they are clueless as to what pleases us because we've not told them or they haven't asked. Another commonality is we want to be wanted. We want to be told and shown that we are attractive, sexy, desired. Foreplay is important -- guys, we are NOT a drive thru and some parts are more sensitive than
others so please treat them as such. Hygiene is appreciated and important and that goes for both of us. A good kisser is a turn on etc
There ARE some swear words within but hey, we're talking about sexual pleasure so that's to be expected. Plus, it's not a book for the young anyway!! It's a little repetitive in places but that is because many of us -- how shall I put this, are excited and aroused by some of the same things.
Over all, this book just makes you feel normal, validated and appreciative of the functions of our bodies!
For starters, it will be interesting trying to review a book on sex, or more specifically, orgasms without incurring the wrath of the anonymous Amazon censors! But what the heck, I'm up for a challenge!
This book is a compilation of essays written by women on the aforementioned topic of what makes them climax during sex. Is it oral only? Fingering? Stroking the elusive G-spot? Good old fashioned penetration with penis in vagina? Masturbation? Porn? Or a combination of factors? I found it interesting and arousing to read the answers as the writers really put some thought into it, were honest and I noticed both similarities and differences in their responses.
Some commonalities are: it is quite easy to fake an orgasm and most of us have done it at least once. It happens when we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings because he or she has been trying so hard to send us over the edge but it just isn't happening. It happens when we'd really rather call it a night because the alarm is due to ring in 5 hours but there's no bells ringing for us now anyway! It happens because the other person is approaching it like a goal to check off as quickly as possible so THEY can come. Or maybe they are clueless as to what pleases us because we've not told them or they haven't asked. Another commonality is we want to be wanted. We want to be told and shown that we are attractive, sexy, desired. Foreplay is important -- guys, we are NOT a drive thru and some parts are more sensitive than
others so please treat them as such. Hygiene is appreciated and important and that goes for both of us. A good kisser is a turn on etc
There ARE some swear words within but hey, we're talking about sexual pleasure so that's to be expected. Plus, it's not a book for the young anyway!! It's a little repetitive in places but that is because many of us -- how shall I put this, are excited and aroused by some of the same things.
Over all, this book just makes you feel normal, validated and appreciative of the functions of our bodies!
September 12, 2021
Repetitive, boring, juvenile, narrow-minded. But Moan didn't start out that way. I'd read a few reviews of this book that claimed this book was repetitive, but I was still interested to read about women's experiences of orgasm precisely because it is a topic that's pretty taboo in our culture and few people talk about so explicitly. So I was encouraged by Emma Koenig's collection of essays.
But after about 60 pages it did turn into the same story over and over again: cycling through boyfriends, faking orgasms, learning how to masturbate, end of story. All surface level stories, no critical thinking, no reckoning of sexual experiences in our particular patriarchal culture. There were only a handful of essays that just barely scratched the surface of such topics, but then they quickly veered back into "not all men" territory. Disappointing.
Plus every essay seemed like it was written by the same person, a high school student who loves to use capitalization and hashtags for effects in badly written essays for English class. Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if Koenig wrote many of these essays herself and then modified them enough to sound slightly different. Because every single one had the same tone and voice, and little to no real substance whatsoever.
But after about 60 pages it did turn into the same story over and over again: cycling through boyfriends, faking orgasms, learning how to masturbate, end of story. All surface level stories, no critical thinking, no reckoning of sexual experiences in our particular patriarchal culture. There were only a handful of essays that just barely scratched the surface of such topics, but then they quickly veered back into "not all men" territory. Disappointing.
Plus every essay seemed like it was written by the same person, a high school student who loves to use capitalization and hashtags for effects in badly written essays for English class. Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if Koenig wrote many of these essays herself and then modified them enough to sound slightly different. Because every single one had the same tone and voice, and little to no real substance whatsoever.
May 27, 2018
2.5 perhaps. A mixed bag, which I suppose is to be expected from an anthology of anonymous essays. While I think the subject of female orgasm is really important and I really like the idea behind the book, I found that the essays fell into one of three categories: dull, annoying, or mildly interesting. Taken altogether, they actually felt rather repetitive. The strongest essays tended to be ones that read as actual essays, rather than a litany of highly specific requests (almost as if the prompt, how to make me come, was taken too literally), but even the best of these essays never managed to rise above “mildly interesting.” I think part of the problem is that it feels like this should have remained a blog. Because it feels like these would very much work for a blog but do not work gathered together here in a book.
July 12, 2020
An interesting collection of essays that explain various experiences that women have with orgasm, attitudes they have with it, how it is approached, or how they feel about it.
There is a thread running through several essays that faking orgasm is often a way to avoid hurting someone else's ego that they wish they didn't have to do, but often feel compelled to. Most that talked about faking would rather their partner understood that sometimes orgasm just isn't going to happen, and that's fine. It's okay. It's still fun.
I think the repetition in the essays points to common desires that women have, that ultimately aren't addressed by society and how we treat women. This isn't new, and this collection of essays isn't the first to address those issues, but it is a solid entry into a body of work that asks that people listen.
There is a thread running through several essays that faking orgasm is often a way to avoid hurting someone else's ego that they wish they didn't have to do, but often feel compelled to. Most that talked about faking would rather their partner understood that sometimes orgasm just isn't going to happen, and that's fine. It's okay. It's still fun.
I think the repetition in the essays points to common desires that women have, that ultimately aren't addressed by society and how we treat women. This isn't new, and this collection of essays isn't the first to address those issues, but it is a solid entry into a body of work that asks that people listen.
May 17, 2018
If you’re interested in women’s sexuality, especially when presented through informal essays from a ton of women (mostly het, but some queer), this is a great read. I shared a ton of quotes -- ones that spoke to me, ones that were fun, ones that were fucking truth -- and, yes, a few that I very much disagreed with. I'm glad I took the chance on this ARC; I never accept non-romance review requests, an d definitely never for non-fiction titles, but this one is just so on brand for me and ended up being a great read, one that made me consider my own sexuality.
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If you wish to look at some quotes/thoughts I highlighted, please check out my Twitter feed
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If you wish to look at some quotes/thoughts I highlighted, please check out my Twitter feed
February 22, 2020
The good: a frank exploration from many women about what does/does not make them orgasm, along with some essays that deal with their history related to that. Some were funny and creative. And it was cool to see so many essays about this stuff in one place.
The bad: it was very repetitive. I had to read this book in small chunks because it very much blended together. You would hope for more variety in the story tellers and in the essays they write.
Additionally, there were some unscientific moments in the book (FYI: not having had sex within the last couple days/weeks does NOT mean your vagina is tighter, to combat one particular unscientific moment). None of these moments had corrective footnote or forwards or whatever, which seems somewhat irresponsible.
The bad: it was very repetitive. I had to read this book in small chunks because it very much blended together. You would hope for more variety in the story tellers and in the essays they write.
Additionally, there were some unscientific moments in the book (FYI: not having had sex within the last couple days/weeks does NOT mean your vagina is tighter, to combat one particular unscientific moment). None of these moments had corrective footnote or forwards or whatever, which seems somewhat irresponsible.
March 1, 2020
Hearing it from a different point of view was good
As a male who considers himself a feminist or an ally of feminist women, I was interested to hear a woman talk about orgasms. I've been in a committed relationship for 25 years and it was good to hear other women talk about it to help see if anything I could do to improve with my partner. She seems open and good at communication, but I also needed to understand if she is sending visual signals that it is or isn't true. So this book helped understanding other points of view to understand that.
The women in these essays for the most part I felt were open and honest. I would recommend this book to any women interested in orgasms and any man interested in learning more about orgasms from a woman.
As a male who considers himself a feminist or an ally of feminist women, I was interested to hear a woman talk about orgasms. I've been in a committed relationship for 25 years and it was good to hear other women talk about it to help see if anything I could do to improve with my partner. She seems open and good at communication, but I also needed to understand if she is sending visual signals that it is or isn't true. So this book helped understanding other points of view to understand that.
The women in these essays for the most part I felt were open and honest. I would recommend this book to any women interested in orgasms and any man interested in learning more about orgasms from a woman.
May 26, 2018
Some essays were funny, most were relatable and two of these essays hit the nail so dead on that I could have written them myself. Those were my favorites.
This book has definitely sparked interesting conversation and I hope that the men and women that I spoke to about it feel more empowered to communicate their way to the best orgasms for them and their sexual partners.
I gave it a 3/5 because it got repetitive and boring at times. it took me almost a week to get through it and I listened to and finished other books during. Kinda like sex sometimes don't you think?
This book is here for us ladies, and men too if you're willing to listen. We are not alone.
This book has definitely sparked interesting conversation and I hope that the men and women that I spoke to about it feel more empowered to communicate their way to the best orgasms for them and their sexual partners.
I gave it a 3/5 because it got repetitive and boring at times. it took me almost a week to get through it and I listened to and finished other books during. Kinda like sex sometimes don't you think?
This book is here for us ladies, and men too if you're willing to listen. We are not alone.
January 26, 2020
I enjoyed reading about the different women's perspectives and experience. I didn't find the stories repetitive although I can understand that criticism found in some of the other reviews. I do feel that there was a dearth of older women, women with children living at home, and especially women in long term monogamous relationships.
None the less, I feel there are some valuable lessons for both women and lovers of women in this book. The one that I feel is more important is to be a lot more interested in her than her orgasm. Be present, apply full loving attention on her entire being and not just her clitoris and chances are the orgasm will take care of itself.
None the less, I feel there are some valuable lessons for both women and lovers of women in this book. The one that I feel is more important is to be a lot more interested in her than her orgasm. Be present, apply full loving attention on her entire being and not just her clitoris and chances are the orgasm will take care of itself.
October 22, 2021
Tthis is an exercise in women's sexual desires and needs, so rarely fulfilled. All the testimonies have in common a deep, or light, it could be, insatisfaction with unsympathetic sexual partners, so many times more concerned about their own fulfillment than to please the women they are with.
Maybe it is a societal feature, maybe it is just and plain patriarchy still dominating which is to say the way both man and woman are raised, maybe it is a society still fighting to avoid women exercising their sexual rights, maybe iti s all set. Moan actually is a cry, a protest, a deep complain. Let's hope it is listened.
Maybe it is a societal feature, maybe it is just and plain patriarchy still dominating which is to say the way both man and woman are raised, maybe it is a society still fighting to avoid women exercising their sexual rights, maybe iti s all set. Moan actually is a cry, a protest, a deep complain. Let's hope it is listened.
July 26, 2018
I had hoped for great insights, or at least some kind of analysis of what was being reported. Quite disappointed but that might be because I expected more than the author intended. It's clear, however, that most women's experiences around sex are complicated and often fraught with ego (both parties - one often having a big one, the other quite small), history, notions of love and worth, technique and anxiety. Like many women, however, I already knew all this. I just feel, like many sexual experiences, that this book could have been so much more.
August 7, 2018
Another fast read but oh so enjoyable! Found myself highlighting lines for my very own "How to Make Me Come" essay I am still putting the final touches on...
"Women need to read MOAN to validate their varying experiences of pleasure and our partners need to read it to learn that, when it comes to sex, one size DOES NOT fit all. Prioritizing women's pleasure is a critical part of our liberation. Not only is MOAN an intimate, educational and funny collection about orgasm and desire but it pushes the cultural conversation forward." -Rashida Jones
"Women need to read MOAN to validate their varying experiences of pleasure and our partners need to read it to learn that, when it comes to sex, one size DOES NOT fit all. Prioritizing women's pleasure is a critical part of our liberation. Not only is MOAN an intimate, educational and funny collection about orgasm and desire but it pushes the cultural conversation forward." -Rashida Jones
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