as with any collection of pieces, i enjoyed some a lot more than others (rating it a 3.5? but easily a 4-4.5 if not for the essays analysing poetry/writers)
the chapters from ‘of woman born’ stood out to me by far - life changing, healing my mummy issues one sentence at a team, helping me have more compassion/understanding forgiveness towards both my mum and myself - cannot wait to read the whole book - should be essential reading for any mother/daughter
some cons - didn’t find the essays analysing poets/writers as enjoyable/interesting (for me personally), a lot of repeating themes, a lot of ideas that aren’t so revolutionary anymore (but of course can appreciate they were at the time)
favourite essays:
- when we dead awaken (especially examining virginia woolf)
- anger and tenderness - recognising that multiple things can be true at once - my mum can both love and resent me/being a mother, she can make mistakes and not be perfect but still be a good mother and trying, it is ok for me to have complicated feelings about her and others also (“you seemed to feel you ought to love us all the time. but there his no human relationship where you love the other person at every moment”
- motherhood and daughterhood (see below for quotes)
- “my hunger at her dissolves into grief and anger for her, and then dissolves back again into anger at her: the ancient, unpaged anger of the child… i no longer have fantasies - they are the unhealed child’s fantasies, i think - of some infinitely healing conversation with her, in which we could show all our wounds, transcend the pain we have shared as mother and daughter, say everything at last. but in writing these pages, i am admitting, at least, how important her existence is and has been for me”
- “whatever our rational forgiveness, whatever the individual mother’s love and strength, the child in us, the small female who grew up in a male-controlled world, still feels, at moments, wildly unbothered. when we can confront and unravel this paradox, this contradiction, face to the utmost in ourselves the groping passion of that little girl lost, we can begin to transmute it, and the blind anger and bitterness that have repetitiously erupted among women trying to build a movement together can be alchemised”
- “there is no indifference or cruelty we can tolerate less than the indifference or cruelty of our mothers”
- “now i am ready to go back and understand the one whose body actually carried me. now i can begin to learn about her, forgive her for the rejection i felt, yearn for her, ache for her. i could never want her until i myself had been wanted… now that i know, i can return to her who could not cherish me as i needed. i can return without blame, and i can hope that she is ready for me”
- compulsory heterosexuality and lesbian existence
- split at the root - developing an identity and consciousness - “when i try to go back and touch the pulse of that girl of sixteen, growing up in many ways so precocious and so ignorant, i am overwhelmed by a memory of despair, a sense of inevitability more enveloping than any i had ever known”
- blood, bread, and poetry - importance of poetry in relation to social/political issues
- a poets education - the importance of poetry, poetry is not a luxury
- arts of the possible - types of silences, importance of education/literacy
- poetry and the forgotten future - “poetry has the capacity… to remind us of something we are forbidden to see”