Grum: Barbarian Barista

by John Rickett

Grum

Defiler of Corpses.
Butcher of Balor.
God Stomper.

…Minimum-wage Barista at Tarbean Café—home of the darkest, strongest, most expensive coffee on planet earth.

And Grum’s most difficult quest yet.

The vortex. The feeling of being ripped apart. When he’d awoken after the fight with Albatross, he was in this realm. A realm filled with tall buildings and small people—with no way to get home.

And nothing to kill… except time.

Then he saw the quest marker.

HELP WANTED

There had never been a quest that Grum hadn’t smashed his way through. He’d looted every dungeon, butchered every end-game boss, ravaged the entire map in a crashing wave of blood and glory.

Totally unhelpful in whipping up a cappuccino.

Grum learns that his quest cannot be won though face-smashing, murder, and intimidation. If he is to become The Legend of Latte, his new adventuring party, Gabe and Candice, must teach this old barbarian to embrace patience. Embrace finesse. Embrace cooperation.

And that he can’t kill and smash his way through everything.

Genres: Fantasy, Humor, Short Stories

53 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 17, 2017

About the author

John Rickett dwells in the armpit of America, where he rolls dice and yells at his television. His work has been published in digital, print, and audio.

Reviews

[Chana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Choosing a LitRPG book, a genre I was not familiar with and not particularly interested in, well I went for the shortest one. I got lucky, this book is very funny, and even sweet in its way.
Grum, the Barbarian ends up in this strange place (modern day earth) and is in search of a quest so he can get back home. He sees a help wanted sign in the window of Tarbean coffee shop, the closest thing to a quest he can find, and before he knows it he is wearing an apron, breaking machines, burning food and alarming customers. The scoring, if that is what you call it, just makes it all funnier, for example: "Dexterity check: (Easy) Critical Failure! Additional Effect Applied" when he is operating the grinding machine, the button gets stuck and he tries to pry it out with a butter knife.
Only forty-eight pages, it is funny from beginning to end and is crudely charming.

[Tony Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it

Really nice to read some lighthearted litrpg. Great premise well executed. I look forward to reading more stories about Grum

[Travis · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you like gamelit, or LitRPG, and you like humor (who doesn't?) then you'll enjoy this tale of a barbarian trying to survive in an everyday coffee shop. entertaining to be sure, and one you really shouldn't miss. Of course, if you're against lattes, coffee, toasters, cash registers, pushy customers, or storage lockers, then you definitely want to read this one, you'll love it.

[Walter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Execution

This story is a stretch but the author made me believe in its plausibility. A caged being of ultimate power suddenly set free. Becoming a Barista of all things. I can actually see Grum taking my latte order. Well done!

[Audion Audiobooks On Demand · Rating 5 out of 5]

COFFEE QUESTS! HUMOR! FANTASTIC!!!

This is a great little story with a TON of humor. You will not be disappointed. Looking forward to Book 2#

[James Witherspoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grum is a high-level video game warrior who gets transported into the real world by a spell. He sees things like HP and quests in our world and ends up getting a job as a barista at a coffee shop where he finds that his combat training doesn't help much with brewing java and dealing with angry customers.

This story is just fun from beginning to end. Honestly some of it is pure genius. I liked all the characters and actually felt connected to them, even though the story is short. The author does a great job of giving each of them a distinctive voice that makes you empathize with them very quickly.

The dialogue is quick and funny, the situation is interesting and highly original, and the ending brings it all together in a very satisfying way. I'd love to see more stories with these characters.

[Ashly · Rating 5 out of 5]

***So, LITRPG was a new genre for me, BUT, as a former WoW player (night elf rogue foreverrrrr), I understood what was happening - and I'd suggest that anyone else trying out this genre for the first time have at least some basic knowledge of how roleplaying games work.***

Grum, along with his Demonfire Battleaxe, are magically banished to a world infested with low-level NPCs - all telling him that his quest is to caffeinate thirsty Tarbean Café patrons. Will Grum, Defiler of Corpses, manage to make some latte art without crushing anything in his Gloves of Vice?

I found this short story extremely clever and laugh-out-loud funny.
Aaaaaaand, I'm going to start the second book now.

[Magnús Friðriksson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this one a long time ago and it just sat in my Kindle library collecting virtual dust. I'm now working on reducing the unread pile in there and today Grum: Barbarian Barista's number was up. What a surprise! A 'reversed' LitRPG that turned out to be more than OK, better than good... it had me laughing out loud at times. Thankfully, I was home alone.

[richard mason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant

I could not put it down. I laughed all the way through. One of the best books I have read in a long while. Please please write more Grum!!!

[Leif Barstow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Need more!

This is an addictive drug, in written form. I need the next hit! This would fit perfectly as the prologue to a full novel.

[patrick turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Creative and innovative

I loved this take on the litrpg genre I'm only sorry that this is so short and I have not yet seen the sequel. Off to see if there is one in the works

[Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a quick read but I laughed a whole lot along the way. A great combo of gaming humour and satire.

[Ciofki Ciofki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great story by John Rickett. Grum 8s a frsh tske on the oft-used fantasy literature trope. Do yourself a favor and pickup/download a copy. Long live Grum!!!!

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this little story and the author's writing style. I laughed out loud at certain parts. Wished it was longer.

[M & M Sharpening Services · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun, made me laugh out loud


I used this for a library challenge for a story under 100 pages. As a D & D player since the 80's, I've always played barbarians.

[Harmony Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!

[Danae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fast nice read about a Barbarian that is banished from his home world and ends up in a coffee bar.

[Celia · Rating 4 out of 5]

very fun light read

[Gabriel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful. A little gem of emotions in only 50-ish pages.

[Carien · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hilarious short story best enjoyed by people who are into tabletop or computer roleplaying games.

Grum is a hero in a Fantasy Roleplaying World who gets transported to the normal world. He is used to seeing everything as a battle or challenge to overcome and to get rewarded after in experience points or valuable loot. Being a junior Barista in a cafe isn't something he can understand, let alone handle without making a mess of things.

I very much enjoyed the way Grum sees the world and seeing him struggle to complete mundane tasks. He is very determined to fulfill his quest, but in his enthusiasm he makes a lot of mistakes and brings disaster on him and the people he works with. I rooted for him and his new friends to survive their shift and to find a way to bring Grum's quest to a satisfying conclusion.

All in all a fun and funny read. I will investigate what other books Rickett has written.

[Topher · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice short story about what happens when a LitRPG barbarian tries to get a job in the real world - about as amusing as you'd expect it to be!

[Kym · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF, but would probably be interesting to people who play World of Warcrack (uh... I mean WarCRAFT) and other first person shooter type games. Funny, but too esoteric for me.