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Resilient Love #3
Unquiet
Loren Smith has been in love with Eliot Devlin almost his entire life. During their turbulent childhood and teen years, Loren didn’t always understand Eliot, and sometimes he could be a challenge, but Eliot was the only one to ever truly ease Loren’s deep loneliness and accept him. When Eliot’s increasingly erratic and self-destructive behavior culminates in a suicide attempt at seventeen, Loren is devastated.
Upon meeting again by chance nine years later, Loren is enjoying a successful career as a police officer while Eliot’s life has been a constant struggle for stability. In and out of mental hospitals, with a rap sheet a mile long, he continues to be buffeted by the twin storms of mania and depression. Loren’s love and protectiveness for Eliot are deeply ingrained in him, however, and their feelings for each other are quickly rekindled.
Loren has issues of his own he’s dealing with, and trying to understand and cope with Eliot’s bipolar disorder isn’t easy. They believe they’re meant to be, and Eliot brings a fulfillment to Loren’s life that no one else will ever match. But as they both come to realize, love by itself can’t cure all.
Listening Length: 10 hours and 32 minutes
Upon meeting again by chance nine years later, Loren is enjoying a successful career as a police officer while Eliot’s life has been a constant struggle for stability. In and out of mental hospitals, with a rap sheet a mile long, he continues to be buffeted by the twin storms of mania and depression. Loren’s love and protectiveness for Eliot are deeply ingrained in him, however, and their feelings for each other are quickly rekindled.
Loren has issues of his own he’s dealing with, and trying to understand and cope with Eliot’s bipolar disorder isn’t easy. They believe they’re meant to be, and Eliot brings a fulfillment to Loren’s life that no one else will ever match. But as they both come to realize, love by itself can’t cure all.
Listening Length: 10 hours and 32 minutes
Audible Audio
First published January 22, 2016
23 people are currently reading
845 people want to read
About the author
Melanie Hansen
10 books751 followersMelanie Hansen has spent time in Texas and Florida prisons…for work. She’s been in a room with a 17-year-old mass murderer who was also one of the most soft-spoken and polite teenagers she’s ever met. After a 13-year career as a court reporter, she can tell many stories both hilarious and heartbreaking.
She grew up with an Air Force dad, and ended up marrying a Navy man. After living and working all over the country, she hopes to bring these rich and varied life experiences to her stories about people finding love amidst real-life struggles.
Melanie left the stressful world of the courtroom behind and now enjoys a rewarding career transcribing for a deaf student. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband and two sons.
She grew up with an Air Force dad, and ended up marrying a Navy man. After living and working all over the country, she hopes to bring these rich and varied life experiences to her stories about people finding love amidst real-life struggles.
Melanie left the stressful world of the courtroom behind and now enjoys a rewarding career transcribing for a deaf student. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband and two sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 154 reviews
January 6, 2016
This book is BRUTAL.
Honest.
REAL.
Loren (Kai's best friend and one-time lover in book 2) and Eliot were childhood best friends. Loren has always loved Eliot.
But Eliot has rapid-cycling bipolar 1 disorder comorbid with anxiety. He self-medicates with alcohol and loses himself for days and weeks on end. He becomes possessed by demons and tries to take his own life.
Years after leaving his home town—and Eliot—behind, Loren is not prepared to see the one man he's always loved dancing and prostituting himself at a club.
Loren's heart breaks, but he is still drawn to Eliot like a moth to a flame.
Prepare for serious emotional turmoil. This book is much angstier than the first two in the series.
There is no magic pill for Eliot, no cure. There's only constant vigilance and a plethora of meds with side-effects (including weight gain and erectile dysfunction).
Loren tries. He tries so damn hard. But Eliot is anxious about Loren's job as a police officer. He's terrified Loren will die. And Loren can only do so much. He is helpless in the face of Eliot's illness.
Because the story is told from a dual POV, we crawl inside Eliot's brain; we experience his manic episodes, his pain, his highs and lows. And we are privy to Loren's fear, his sorrows and hopes. We see Eliot through Loren's eyes too, this beautiful man who struggles every day to hold on to his mind.
The first two books are scorching hot, but this one, while certainly sexy, is more subdued. Eliot is in a psychiatric ward for part of the book, and Loren worries more about taking care of Eliot than seducing him. Eliot can't always get hard, and Loren has to learn that sex can be pleasurable for Eliot even if he can't come.
Eliot wants to please Loren; he wants to do something, anything, for his man, and believes that this is the one thing, the ONLY thing, he can do.
You have to work to find joy in this book. Eliot and Loren are on a roller-coaster that never slows down. Even the epilogue, despite the soothing presence of the happy couples from books 1 and 2, is tinged with sorrow as both men remember the struggles they've had.
But they have family, friends, and each other. They have trust and moments of beauty: moments when love matters and nothing else does.
Honest.
REAL.
Loren (Kai's best friend and one-time lover in book 2) and Eliot were childhood best friends. Loren has always loved Eliot.
But Eliot has rapid-cycling bipolar 1 disorder comorbid with anxiety. He self-medicates with alcohol and loses himself for days and weeks on end. He becomes possessed by demons and tries to take his own life.
"People like me better when I'm manic. And I like how I feel ... like I can do anything I want, be anything I want. Anything instead of what I really am, a loser with a fucked-up crazy brain, without a high school education and any kind of real future."
Years after leaving his home town—and Eliot—behind, Loren is not prepared to see the one man he's always loved dancing and prostituting himself at a club.
Loren's heart breaks, but he is still drawn to Eliot like a moth to a flame.
Prepare for serious emotional turmoil. This book is much angstier than the first two in the series.
There is no magic pill for Eliot, no cure. There's only constant vigilance and a plethora of meds with side-effects (including weight gain and erectile dysfunction).
Loren tries. He tries so damn hard. But Eliot is anxious about Loren's job as a police officer. He's terrified Loren will die. And Loren can only do so much. He is helpless in the face of Eliot's illness.
"You're not ready for this," Eliot exclaimed. "That's one hundred percent a fact. It's not going to be easy, Loren."
"I don't want easy, I want you."
Because the story is told from a dual POV, we crawl inside Eliot's brain; we experience his manic episodes, his pain, his highs and lows. And we are privy to Loren's fear, his sorrows and hopes. We see Eliot through Loren's eyes too, this beautiful man who struggles every day to hold on to his mind.
The first two books are scorching hot, but this one, while certainly sexy, is more subdued. Eliot is in a psychiatric ward for part of the book, and Loren worries more about taking care of Eliot than seducing him. Eliot can't always get hard, and Loren has to learn that sex can be pleasurable for Eliot even if he can't come.
Eliot wants to please Loren; he wants to do something, anything, for his man, and believes that this is the one thing, the ONLY thing, he can do.
You have to work to find joy in this book. Eliot and Loren are on a roller-coaster that never slows down. Even the epilogue, despite the soothing presence of the happy couples from books 1 and 2, is tinged with sorrow as both men remember the struggles they've had.
But they have family, friends, and each other. They have trust and moments of beauty: moments when love matters and nothing else does.
"You've always been with me, Loren, through my memories. Always." ....
"I'm glad, El ... I'm glad I'm your best memories."
September 21, 2022
Re-read Sep 2022
Moving, painful, deep, compassionate and challenging.
Just beautifully written! Kudos to the author.
Original thoughts - 2018
What a heartbreaking journey!
I have nothing bad to say about this story.
The writing was captivating, the MC's were well crafted, the story was moving and felt extremely real. Besides, I found the mental illness approach respectful and beautifully done.
Now, my very personal 2 rambling cents:
This is one of those stories that made me put my hand on my heart
and truly think about everything I take for granted in life, making me feel guilty for not giving a single thought about them on a daily basis.
Also ashamed as it is so easy to complain about small things.
I feel that it's essential, every now and then, to be shaken by a story like that. Mental illness is not an option. You have to learn how to deal with it because it's not going away. And dammit it to hell! It's hard, HARD and heartbreaking for all people involved. I really don't know what was more painful, to watch Eliot losing it or to watch Loren seeing Eliot get lost in his madness.
Cutting to the chase, it's impossible to finish a story like that and not feel extremely grateful for all you have.
One of my favourite quotes:
Moving, painful, deep, compassionate and challenging.
Just beautifully written! Kudos to the author.
Original thoughts - 2018
What a heartbreaking journey!
I have nothing bad to say about this story.
The writing was captivating, the MC's were well crafted, the story was moving and felt extremely real. Besides, I found the mental illness approach respectful and beautifully done.
Now, my very personal 2 rambling cents:
This is one of those stories that made me put my hand on my heart
and truly think about everything I take for granted in life, making me feel guilty for not giving a single thought about them on a daily basis.
Also ashamed as it is so easy to complain about small things.
I feel that it's essential, every now and then, to be shaken by a story like that. Mental illness is not an option. You have to learn how to deal with it because it's not going away. And dammit it to hell! It's hard, HARD and heartbreaking for all people involved. I really don't know what was more painful, to watch Eliot losing it or to watch Loren seeing Eliot get lost in his madness.
Cutting to the chase, it's impossible to finish a story like that and not feel extremely grateful for all you have.
One of my favourite quotes:
December 13, 2017
5++++++++ “Do you see the moon, Loren?” stars
“To stability. To strength and perseverance, and unconditional love.”
Damn! This book broke my heart.
My heart broke for Eliot and Loren. These two met when they were 6 years old and become best friends, then when they were 17, Eliot had a major breakdown, Loren did not know how to handle the situation and left. First forward 9 years later they met again and from there the struggle begin.
"Why do you keep me around, Loren? Why do you even care?"
"Because you took my loneliness away, El."
Loren never stopped loving Eliot and when they met again he tried to rekindle what they had and suggested they date. I loved Loren, he was patient and truly believed he could help El and it was not an easy ride.
Eliot took Loren’s cheeks between his palms. “It’s not going to be easy to be with me. When you walk away, and you will—” He put his fingers over Loren’s lips when Loren opened his mouth to protest. “When you walk away, I’m going to pray you’re the one who comes back.”
Loren pulled Eliot against him and buried his lips in his hair. “Just try for me, El,” he murmured. “Do what the doctors tell you to do, don’t shut me out, and I will never walk away.”
Eliot gave a sad smile. “That’s what they all say. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Loren.” He patted Loren’s cheek and climbed off his lap, leaning down to brush his warm mouth against his.
Eliot oh! My God, loving him is work, he is bipolar, he runs hot and cold and sometimes does and says unforgivable things. I loved him too, rooted for him wanted him to get better and keep the black demon away.
"I'm telling you that I understand what you need going forward. Now I want you to understand what I need. Waiting for you, I can do; wondering and worrying, I can't. Don't do that to me again, Loren. Please."
This book is brutally honest, showed the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who was mentally ill. The author did not hold anything back. I felt really sorry for these characters, and to imagine that this is someone’s reality broke my heart a little more.
“When it comes to bipolar disorder, love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action word. It’s a fucking decision.”
We get an epilogue but not the one I am used to , the epilogue too is heartbreaking, the black demon will always be with Loren and El.
“To Loren… for always seeing the moon.”
“To stability. To strength and perseverance, and unconditional love.”
Damn! This book broke my heart.
My heart broke for Eliot and Loren. These two met when they were 6 years old and become best friends, then when they were 17, Eliot had a major breakdown, Loren did not know how to handle the situation and left. First forward 9 years later they met again and from there the struggle begin.
"Why do you keep me around, Loren? Why do you even care?"
"Because you took my loneliness away, El."
Loren never stopped loving Eliot and when they met again he tried to rekindle what they had and suggested they date. I loved Loren, he was patient and truly believed he could help El and it was not an easy ride.
Eliot took Loren’s cheeks between his palms. “It’s not going to be easy to be with me. When you walk away, and you will—” He put his fingers over Loren’s lips when Loren opened his mouth to protest. “When you walk away, I’m going to pray you’re the one who comes back.”
Loren pulled Eliot against him and buried his lips in his hair. “Just try for me, El,” he murmured. “Do what the doctors tell you to do, don’t shut me out, and I will never walk away.”
Eliot gave a sad smile. “That’s what they all say. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Loren.” He patted Loren’s cheek and climbed off his lap, leaning down to brush his warm mouth against his.
Eliot oh! My God, loving him is work, he is bipolar, he runs hot and cold and sometimes does and says unforgivable things. I loved him too, rooted for him wanted him to get better and keep the black demon away.
"I'm telling you that I understand what you need going forward. Now I want you to understand what I need. Waiting for you, I can do; wondering and worrying, I can't. Don't do that to me again, Loren. Please."
This book is brutally honest, showed the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who was mentally ill. The author did not hold anything back. I felt really sorry for these characters, and to imagine that this is someone’s reality broke my heart a little more.
“When it comes to bipolar disorder, love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action word. It’s a fucking decision.”
We get an epilogue but not the one I am used to , the epilogue too is heartbreaking, the black demon will always be with Loren and El.
“To Loren… for always seeing the moon.”
January 27, 2016
I am emotionally exhausted after reading this book. After reading the past two books in the series: Everything Changes and Signs of Life I knew this book would be angsty, but I was not prepared for the level of turmoil this book brought. This book is brutally honest and heartbreaking and to be frank, I almost DNF'ed it.
Eliot and Loren have been best friends since childhood.They did everything together, but Loren always knew that Eliot was different. Eliot is bipolar; his moods go from hyper to despondent. He was also prescribed the wrong medications and he self-medicates with drugs and alcohol.
Loren has always been loyal to Eliot. He was there through everything, but his heart was shattered one afternoon. Fast forward nine years later and Loren sees Eliot in a compromising situation. His heart breaks all over again when he realizes the boy he loves is prostituting himself. He can't fight the feelings he still has and makes a decision to be with him. He is committed to Eliot and building a life with him.
Melanie Hansen gave us a raw depiction of what life is life for someone with bipolar disorder and how it affects their loved ones. On the one hand, you feel for Loren, but your heart is also breaking for Eliot because it's not his fault. Eliot tries so hard, but his brain fights against him.
These two have to fight for their happy ending and even then you know that it will never be easy. After I had finished I was left with a heavy heart and found the ending bittersweet. Don't get me wrong they're left in a good place, but the author left us a realistic portrayal of what life will always be like for them. I can't commend the author enough for doing so. It would have diminished the honesty and strength of their love had she ended with everything working out perfectly. As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, I always appreciate an honest portrayal. A big thank you to the author.
This book gets 5 Raw and Real Stars.
June 24, 2019
4 Consistent Stars
I’m truly impressed with this series as Hansen showcases tough topics and challenges, this time around focusing on mental illness and the havoc it can wreak on those involved.
Loren has loved Elliot since they were 6 years old, bedazzled by his energy and charm and quirkiness. Despite those attributes slowly evolving into something a lot more serious, Loren never thought they’d not be together. However, life is never predictable and Elliot’s illness forces these two apart at the tender age of 17, but when Loren unwittingly finds Elliot again almost a decade later, he can’t walk away for a second time.
This does start out in the past and fast forwards to the present, showing starkly just how much mental illness can devastate the person afflicted and all those around them. Hansen lends some serious insight behind the disease of bipolar disorder, really emphasizing the extreme challenges in managing the disease.
Obviously, Loren and Elliot by no means have it easy, and even when things are stable, the constant 24/7 vigilance needed to maintain a routine and minimize anxiety and outliers, all of which can wreak Elliot’s fragile hold on his mental stability can stress even the strongest person. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep one well, but for these two it was more than enough to keep them making an effort for the other. This aptly showed their difficult struggles and sacrifices, but it also wonderfully and beautifully portrayed their wins despite the very dark and bad times.
A moving angsty story, full of emotional depth, and never skimping on the hardship or the sexy.
I’m truly impressed with this series as Hansen showcases tough topics and challenges, this time around focusing on mental illness and the havoc it can wreak on those involved.
Loren has loved Elliot since they were 6 years old, bedazzled by his energy and charm and quirkiness. Despite those attributes slowly evolving into something a lot more serious, Loren never thought they’d not be together. However, life is never predictable and Elliot’s illness forces these two apart at the tender age of 17, but when Loren unwittingly finds Elliot again almost a decade later, he can’t walk away for a second time.
This does start out in the past and fast forwards to the present, showing starkly just how much mental illness can devastate the person afflicted and all those around them. Hansen lends some serious insight behind the disease of bipolar disorder, really emphasizing the extreme challenges in managing the disease.
Obviously, Loren and Elliot by no means have it easy, and even when things are stable, the constant 24/7 vigilance needed to maintain a routine and minimize anxiety and outliers, all of which can wreak Elliot’s fragile hold on his mental stability can stress even the strongest person. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep one well, but for these two it was more than enough to keep them making an effort for the other. This aptly showed their difficult struggles and sacrifices, but it also wonderfully and beautifully portrayed their wins despite the very dark and bad times.
A moving angsty story, full of emotional depth, and never skimping on the hardship or the sexy.
November 13, 2018
Audio - 2 stars for a mostly subdued, emotionless, and at time stiff performance
Story - 5 stars for an unforgettable and enlightening read
I knew this would be an exhausting read, and I was going to pass on it. I’m so glad I didn’t. I appreciate that the author didn’t put any kind of fairy tale spin to it. She kept is so very real. People who deal with mental illness, and the people who stay in their lives loving and supporting them, have my upmost respect. I’m in awe!
Story - 5 stars for an unforgettable and enlightening read
I knew this would be an exhausting read, and I was going to pass on it. I’m so glad I didn’t. I appreciate that the author didn’t put any kind of fairy tale spin to it. She kept is so very real. People who deal with mental illness, and the people who stay in their lives loving and supporting them, have my upmost respect. I’m in awe!
October 7, 2018
I finally did it. I've had this on my tbr for over a year and half. But this needed the right moment. And it finally arrived yesterday.
Once I finished this book, I took a deep breath and slept on it because I needed some distance.
Because this was incredibly intense and heart-breaking and beautiful.
I cried at the end. Not because of the end itself (it is all as good as it can be), but because life deals some people such a shitty hand. And if they want to have love and a life worth living, they have to put such huge amounts of courage into every minute of their day.
"All I ever wanted was to be normal." Elliot
But Elliot has bipolar disease. And boy, has Melanie Hansen done her research on it! And how debilitating it is. How it hooks its claws into a person and never lets go. How it puts someone through the most harrowing and destructive personal hell. She lets us experience all that by taking us into Elliot's mind. We are right there when his illness takes away who he is, leaving him no control over his actions. It shredded my hearts to bits.
... his brain chemistry is very fragile and always will be, that even when he's considered to be in remission, he's never going to be 'cured'"
I admit just reading about it was exhausting. And I have no idea how anyone can muster the strength and the energy to push through episode after episode. And remain hopeful and positive? Phew. I take my hat off in awe!
This is not a book that intends to sugar coat stuff. Saying that, I have a funny feeling that RL might sometimes be even worse - despite the gruelling reality I felt throughout the ups and downs of Elliot's illness and the heart-aching roller coaster of the relationship between Loren and him.
You just know that after each up, there will be a down again at some point. It's in the nature of this illness.
This isn't an easy read, nope. Bipolar disorder is a severe mental illness, but we don't only get to see what it does to Elliot, but also to Loren. He is such a stellar guy, full of the best of intentions and so full of love for Eliot, but he is human, too. He has wishes and hopes and goals for his life, something he has to re-evaluate once he starts living with Elliot.
Sooooo - this sounds pretty depressing, right?
No doubt, the theme is heavy. But I not only loved the detailed insight into this condition, but the deep compassion that comes through on every page. I loved the bond between Loren and Elliot, their friendship that's always been more than that, right from the day they met when they were six years old. I loved that each of them tries again and again to be better for the other one, even when there are serious setbacks (and there are plenty!)
This is a story of resilience . It shows there are ways to have a life when you have a serious mental condition. It shows there is help and support out there if you want it.
Surrender to your reality, beat it into submission through sheer acceptance. Respect your illness, but don't let it run the show."
And most of all it shows there is hope for love, whoever you are.
"You took my loneliness away, El,"Loren said simply. "And you've always made me feel like I matter, that I come first. Your loyalty."
"You're my moon too, Loren. You're like my -like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to- go away." Elliot
"I'm glad, El,"Loren rasped ... "I'm glad I'm your best memories."
I loved it.
Highly recommended.
Once I finished this book, I took a deep breath and slept on it because I needed some distance.
Because this was incredibly intense and heart-breaking and beautiful.
I cried at the end. Not because of the end itself (it is all as good as it can be), but because life deals some people such a shitty hand. And if they want to have love and a life worth living, they have to put such huge amounts of courage into every minute of their day.
"All I ever wanted was to be normal." Elliot
But Elliot has bipolar disease. And boy, has Melanie Hansen done her research on it! And how debilitating it is. How it hooks its claws into a person and never lets go. How it puts someone through the most harrowing and destructive personal hell. She lets us experience all that by taking us into Elliot's mind. We are right there when his illness takes away who he is, leaving him no control over his actions. It shredded my hearts to bits.
... his brain chemistry is very fragile and always will be, that even when he's considered to be in remission, he's never going to be 'cured'"
I admit just reading about it was exhausting. And I have no idea how anyone can muster the strength and the energy to push through episode after episode. And remain hopeful and positive? Phew. I take my hat off in awe!
This is not a book that intends to sugar coat stuff. Saying that, I have a funny feeling that RL might sometimes be even worse - despite the gruelling reality I felt throughout the ups and downs of Elliot's illness and the heart-aching roller coaster of the relationship between Loren and him.
You just know that after each up, there will be a down again at some point. It's in the nature of this illness.
This isn't an easy read, nope. Bipolar disorder is a severe mental illness, but we don't only get to see what it does to Elliot, but also to Loren. He is such a stellar guy, full of the best of intentions and so full of love for Eliot, but he is human, too. He has wishes and hopes and goals for his life, something he has to re-evaluate once he starts living with Elliot.
Sooooo - this sounds pretty depressing, right?
No doubt, the theme is heavy. But I not only loved the detailed insight into this condition, but the deep compassion that comes through on every page. I loved the bond between Loren and Elliot, their friendship that's always been more than that, right from the day they met when they were six years old. I loved that each of them tries again and again to be better for the other one, even when there are serious setbacks (and there are plenty!)
This is a story of resilience . It shows there are ways to have a life when you have a serious mental condition. It shows there is help and support out there if you want it.
Surrender to your reality, beat it into submission through sheer acceptance. Respect your illness, but don't let it run the show."
And most of all it shows there is hope for love, whoever you are.
"You took my loneliness away, El,"Loren said simply. "And you've always made me feel like I matter, that I come first. Your loyalty."
"You're my moon too, Loren. You're like my -like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to- go away." Elliot
"I'm glad, El,"Loren rasped ... "I'm glad I'm your best memories."
I loved it.
Highly recommended.
January 6, 2016
“It’s easy to love them when they’re stable,” [...]
“And it’s when they’re not that they need us the most.”
“When it comes to bipolar disorder, love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action word. It’s a fucking decision.”
This story did not let me take a breather. It's harsh and raw, start to finish. Not for the faint of heart.
I applaud the author, for not glossing over the details of mental illness, and for not shying away from the ugliness it can cause to a relationship, just to give the readers a glittery story. Which would have been fake.
Eliot is bipolar, he suffers from depression and is suicidal. Loren is his best friend since they were kids. They fall in love with each other, but Eliot is too far gone on a path of self distruction. And Loren is just a kid; he knows he has to help Eliot, but doesn't know how. They break apart, but sadly, things are not any better when they meet again, years later.
Loren is an angel. I can't even begin to fathom what it means to love someone like Eliot. Someone who can get violent in the blink of an eye, someone who is hypersexual and needs to have sex with just about anyone, in order to get a grip on reality. It is not Eliot's fault, and nobody can blame him. But he breaks Loren's heart, over and over again.
Having Eliot's POV was heartbreaking and exhausting at the same time.
It is clear from the epilogue that takes place years later, that Eliot and Loren will always fight an ongoing battle; to keep Eliot in a good place and their relationship working. But their HEA left me deeply satisfied, because they got stronger after each battle.
This book educated me. I learned a lot of things I didn't know about mental illness and the effect it has on a person and its loved ones. I loved that I gained new insight into the issue.
So, 5 brilliant stars for Eliot, because he "took Loren's loneliness away" , and Loren, " for always seeing the moon.” .
*Also posted on Gay Book Reviews*
March 6, 2018
***5 Stars***
"It's easy to love them when they're stable, and it's when they're not that they need us the most.
When it comes to bipolar disorder, man, love isn't just a feeling. It's an action word. It's a fucking decision."
WOW!! I don't know what I can say about this book that hasn't already been said. It's such an honest portrayal of mental illness...from many perspectives. From the parent who loves their child dearly but is exhausted, to the lover who feels both helpless and hopeful...to the person battling the illness with everything they have.
Friends to lovers is one of my favorite tropes, but what Eliot and Loren have is so far beyond that. The two meet as young boys and instantly bond...and that's how I felt when I opened up this book....instantly connected to both of them.
This book doesn't sugar coat things. There is no magic pill to make everything better. Or one "aha" moment that clears the clouds, never to return. And it doesn't portray that love is the cure to everything.
What it does show is that love is the embrace you crave when you want affection, it's the shoulder you lean on while you cry, it's the look that doesn't judge but shows compassion...love knows how to forgive....but it isn't the answer.
"Usually when I wake up in the morning, I'm afraid. I feel the craziness, the madness lurking, just waiting for me. It feels like it's attached to me, that when I get out of bed, I'm dragging it with me. It's always there, ready to pounce and swallow me up.
And this morning when I woke up, I wasn't afraid. I think that's what it feels like to be happy. It's enough for me."
This book is quite the emotional journey for both men. They both make mistakes, they both have to re-evaluate what they want out of a relationship and what kind of a partner they want to be. But not once, NOT FOR ONE SINGLE MINUTE, do you EVER doubt their love for each other.
This isn't an easy book to read, but even so, I can't recommend it enough. It's heartbreaking, it's honest.... but most importantly, it's HOPEFUL.
This book, and Eliot and Loren, will stay with me for a very long time.
“To stability. To strength and perseverance, and unconditional love.”
January 22, 2016
But can you see the moon??
*sigh*
This book has been on my "need to read NOW" list since I finished the final page of "Signs of Life", the second book in the Resilient Love series. Jeremy and Kai's story TORE ME UP...and I loved every torturous moment. I was a bit timid of this new couple's story because initially I wasn't a huge fan of Loren. He grew on me bit by bit, but it wasn't an instant connection between him and I. Silly Sheri. I should have known better. Miss Hansen didn't pull her punches this time around either and Loren and Eliot's story was tragically beautiful.
My first encounter with Miss Hansen was....brutal. I felt as if she tore my heart out of my chest or pushed me off a cliff. It was swift, severe, and absolutely striking. This time around her attack was stealthy. It wasn’t a sudden fall. More like I was walking the edge of the cliff as rocks crumbled beneath my feet. Or perhaps she gave me a million paper cuts on my heart rather than one devastating blow. From start to finish I was apprehensive and stressed. I nibbled Tums while I twisted my hands in my lap. I clenched my teeth and couldn’t take a full breath. Frankly, I was a wreck. Melanie Hansen’s stories should come with a ‘danger to your health’ warning. The powerful voices that come from her characters continue to leave me awestruck and exhausted. I can't wait to do it again!
What's to Like: I believe the portrayal of living and loving the mentally interesting (I love this description) is spot on. We are given an up close and personal view of Bipolar disorders highs and lows. There is no glossing over the details, ugly or otherwise. It's real. Therefore, it's not always pretty but life isn't always pretty. I also appreciated the particulars of life living with a cop. I'm no stranger when it comes to life as a police officer's other half. Sometimes I have to be the solid foundation at home when I don't want to be. I know what it's like to lay awake in the middle of the night wondering if they will warm the sheets with you again. Sleeping alone with an overactive brain when the love of your life is out...there is nearly impossible. I could relate with Eliot in these aspects.
What's to love: Quite simply, the romance. The unconditional love that we witness is breathtaking. Loren and Eliot loved one another before they could understand what that meant. From the tender age of six, they became best friends and bonded in a unique way. Even a decade apart cannot diminish the strength of their love. If I focus on Eliot's heart, I would say it's erratic. It beats far too fast or far too slow. His own body is his biggest enemy. But Loren is like Eliot's pacemaker. He regulates Eliot. He brings him down or lifts him up. He centers him, settles him and quiets his wavering brain. However, as much as Eliot needs Loren, Loren needs Eliot in return. Though they bring different features and qualities to their relationship table, they both come packing with equal contributions. This is not a one-sided equation. I adored how much they needed what only the other could provide. Ohhh, Ohhhh, OHHH! Big shout out for the amazing cover! It is gorgeous and perfectly fitting. The final pages were incredibly touching. The crowning touch to three stunning love stories.
Beware of: Prepare for an onslaught of emotions. Potential triggers would be suicide attempts, mental health disorders and depression. If you suffer from or have loved ones who are brave survivors this might hit too close to home. You might find it refreshing to identify with another couple loving 'all-in' or it may cut too deep. Also, if you haven't read the first two books in this series (GO BUY THEM RIGHT NOW) I would wait and read them in order. It can be a stand-alone but I'm certain you will want to start at the beginning. Only because the epilogue features all three couples and could be considered rather spoilery if you haven't read the first two.
This book is for: I would highly recommend this book (and this series!) for those readers that like genuine raw love stories. It's not simple or easy or fits into a conventional box. It's complicated and tough and makes its own box. And for that....I loved it.
Book UNfunk
*4.5 tragically-beautiful stars*
January 28, 2016
4.5 stars
Loren Smith and Eliot Devlin have been best friends since the age of six. They were inseparable, until an unfortunate series of events in their senior year of high school caused them to break apart.
Nine years later they meet again. Loren pursued his childhood dream and now he's a police officer. Eliot, on the other hand, struggles with bipolar disorder and self-medicates himself with alcohol. It shatters Loren's heart to see the person he's always loved in such a bad state. He'll do everything to help Eliot cope with his illness and to have him back in his life.
This is a realistic, gritty story full of hope and unconditional love. It's not and it will never be easy for Loren and Eliot. Their ongoing fight for stability and happiness will never end, but they have each other and they try the best they can. Even if the epilogue wasn't all that sweet, I still loved it.
Loren Smith and Eliot Devlin have been best friends since the age of six. They were inseparable, until an unfortunate series of events in their senior year of high school caused them to break apart.
Nine years later they meet again. Loren pursued his childhood dream and now he's a police officer. Eliot, on the other hand, struggles with bipolar disorder and self-medicates himself with alcohol. It shatters Loren's heart to see the person he's always loved in such a bad state. He'll do everything to help Eliot cope with his illness and to have him back in his life.
This is a realistic, gritty story full of hope and unconditional love. It's not and it will never be easy for Loren and Eliot. Their ongoing fight for stability and happiness will never end, but they have each other and they try the best they can. Even if the epilogue wasn't all that sweet, I still loved it.
February 18, 2016
4.5 Stars
I heard right. All the series angst is in this book. It was brutal and real and intense. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to navigate the very uncertain waters of being bipolar. And I'm glad I don't have to.
Eliot and Loren met as children, when Eliot's family moved in next door to Loren. Loren was a lonely kid and he and Eliot were instant best friends and for the next 12 years they are nearly inseparable. They discover so many things together, including what it means to love and what it means to lose.
Eliot has always been a little manic. When he was a child, they thought it was ADHD and then as a teenager, mild depression. But what Eliot has suffered from all his life is something much more scary. But he always had Loren. At least until his family moved away after his suicide attempt. I felt so bad for Eliot through the whole book. The things he has to deal with are so beyond what most of us have to and he has a tougher time dealing with life. Everyone has pretty much given up on him because he has trouble complying with treatment. What his family really did not get is that Loren was about the only one holding Eliot together. Loren was the only one who really understood him and supported him. But Loren was just a kid, himself, and he did not understand the compulsions that Eliot experienced, either and that led to some angst.
So, Loren spent the last 9 years figuring he would never see Eliot again. Not knowing if he was alive or happy or what happened to him and, at least on some level, blaming himself for Eliot's suicide attempt because he doesn't understand. Can't imagine. But one night, Loren encounters Eliot again and he doesn't want to let go. Ever. Because, you see, it isn't just that Loren is the only one who really gets Eliot. Eliot is the only one who ever was able to really alleviate Loren's loneliness. Eliot loved Loren. And Loren loved Eliot. Love isn't enough, though. Not really. Relationships, under the best of circumstances, are hard work. When one of the people in the relationship is mentally ill, wow. Whole 'nother level of hard. And things don't always go smoothly and for Loren and Eliot, they definitely did not. And it's a battle that will never be over.
The angst level is high in this one. Not quite Amy Lane levels, but still high. And Eliot isn't the only one that needs to adjust and adapt. Loren has to, as well, and it takes him a while to figure that out. The whole subject of mental illness was handled beautifully and with dignity. Eliot is more than just his bipolar disorder and Unquiet shows just how good he is with other people that are mentally ill. He has a patience and understanding that most of us have no hope of achieving. He's a compassionate man and when he's stable, it shows in spades.
Unquiet has left me a bit unsettled, because although there is definitely an HEA, the nature of bipolar disorder is, in itself so uncertain, and the epilogue shows that. I wasn't left with any doubts that Eliot and Loren are any less than 100% committed, though. They are all in. But their road hasn't been an easy one to travel and it never will be..
I heard right. All the series angst is in this book. It was brutal and real and intense. I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to navigate the very uncertain waters of being bipolar. And I'm glad I don't have to.
Eliot and Loren met as children, when Eliot's family moved in next door to Loren. Loren was a lonely kid and he and Eliot were instant best friends and for the next 12 years they are nearly inseparable. They discover so many things together, including what it means to love and what it means to lose.
Eliot has always been a little manic. When he was a child, they thought it was ADHD and then as a teenager, mild depression. But what Eliot has suffered from all his life is something much more scary. But he always had Loren. At least until his family moved away after his suicide attempt. I felt so bad for Eliot through the whole book. The things he has to deal with are so beyond what most of us have to and he has a tougher time dealing with life. Everyone has pretty much given up on him because he has trouble complying with treatment. What his family really did not get is that Loren was about the only one holding Eliot together. Loren was the only one who really understood him and supported him. But Loren was just a kid, himself, and he did not understand the compulsions that Eliot experienced, either and that led to some angst.
So, Loren spent the last 9 years figuring he would never see Eliot again. Not knowing if he was alive or happy or what happened to him and, at least on some level, blaming himself for Eliot's suicide attempt because he doesn't understand. Can't imagine. But one night, Loren encounters Eliot again and he doesn't want to let go. Ever. Because, you see, it isn't just that Loren is the only one who really gets Eliot. Eliot is the only one who ever was able to really alleviate Loren's loneliness. Eliot loved Loren. And Loren loved Eliot. Love isn't enough, though. Not really. Relationships, under the best of circumstances, are hard work. When one of the people in the relationship is mentally ill, wow. Whole 'nother level of hard. And things don't always go smoothly and for Loren and Eliot, they definitely did not. And it's a battle that will never be over.
The angst level is high in this one. Not quite Amy Lane levels, but still high. And Eliot isn't the only one that needs to adjust and adapt. Loren has to, as well, and it takes him a while to figure that out. The whole subject of mental illness was handled beautifully and with dignity. Eliot is more than just his bipolar disorder and Unquiet shows just how good he is with other people that are mentally ill. He has a patience and understanding that most of us have no hope of achieving. He's a compassionate man and when he's stable, it shows in spades.
Unquiet has left me a bit unsettled, because although there is definitely an HEA, the nature of bipolar disorder is, in itself so uncertain, and the epilogue shows that. I wasn't left with any doubts that Eliot and Loren are any less than 100% committed, though. They are all in. But their road hasn't been an easy one to travel and it never will be..
October 8, 2018
***4.5 ❤️***
October 1, 2022
Best read of 2022 by a million miles, this book was everything. It was real, raw, angsty, painful and hurt to read at times but it was also so moving and honest and one hell of an eye-opener.
I adored witnessing their love for each other amidst the pain, and this shone through and lifted what could have otherwise been an overly heavy read. The trust Eli had for Loren was humbling.
The author played this to absolute perfection, showing the good, bad and everything else all the while fighting for what Eliot and Loren so richly deserve, even though there is never going to be a cure for Eli, they got their perfect.
ALL the stars for this one.
I adored witnessing their love for each other amidst the pain, and this shone through and lifted what could have otherwise been an overly heavy read. The trust Eli had for Loren was humbling.
The author played this to absolute perfection, showing the good, bad and everything else all the while fighting for what Eliot and Loren so richly deserve, even though there is never going to be a cure for Eli, they got their perfect.
ALL the stars for this one.
September 29, 2017
This one absolutely gutted me...
I don't think I've ever read a book where a couple deserved a 'happily ever after' more. "Unquiet" is the third book in Melanie Hansen's 'Resilient Love' series and I've enjoyed each of these stories so very much but this one...damn, it seriously broke my heart. It's one of the few books where I can honestly say I think I spent at least as much time crying as not. Sometimes it was happy tears...othertimes not so much.
We first met Loren in 'Signs of Life' book #2 in this series. He's the former boyfriend of Kai, who was one of the MCs in that story and while he and Kai are very good friends who still care for each other a lot. What they share is a strong and secure friendship and they've each moved in. Kai's story was in 'Signs of Life' and at the end of it we were given the indication that Loren was going to go after the man who held his heart.
Loren and Elliot have been friends all their lives and they've loved each other that long. Unfortunately love's course is never easy and when one of the people involved is a cop and the other deals with mental health issues...you see Elliot is bipolar...if you're not familiar with this condition...take a minute before reading this book and remember google is your friend. I was fortunate in that because I've worked in health care for over 15 years, during that time I had the experience of working with several clients who were bipolar and the one thing I know from that experience is that it takes an incredibly strong person to be the partner of someone who's bipolar and it takes an even stronger person to not just survive being bipolar but to thrive, to make a good and productive life for themselves and that's what Elliot wants but it's not easy. It's so far from easy there aren't even words.
There's no perfection between these men they both make mistakes such huge mistakes but it's never done with the intent to hurt the other person. Loren struggles to be the supportive partner that Elliot needs while still trying to pursue his career goals as a police officer. Elliot fights so hard to manage his condition and be what Lauren needs...they both stumble and have to find ways to pick themselves back up and put themselves and their relationship back together...it's heartbreaking, gut wrenching and seriously if you can read this book without shedding any tears, without feeling their pain...well, you're a tougher person than I.
I had times when I was frustrated with Loren and Elliot but honestly never was there a point at which I didn't want them to find a way to be together. Melanie Hansen has created two incredibly amazing men in this story...not perfect but strong, resilient men who were willing to do what it took...anything it took to be together because when you love someone whose bipolar..."You're either all in or all out."
All of this was made even more vivid for me with the addition of Michael Stellman's voice narrating this story. He gave such depth and emotion to these men and to the people in their lives allowing me to connect with the story on an emotional level that I'm not sure I would have felt had I just been reading the book. I'm not saying I wouldn't have still loved this book no I think it's more a case of Michael Stellman took a book that I would have loved regardless and simply made it that much better.
********************
An audio book of "Unquiet" was graciously provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
I don't think I've ever read a book where a couple deserved a 'happily ever after' more. "Unquiet" is the third book in Melanie Hansen's 'Resilient Love' series and I've enjoyed each of these stories so very much but this one...damn, it seriously broke my heart. It's one of the few books where I can honestly say I think I spent at least as much time crying as not. Sometimes it was happy tears...othertimes not so much.
We first met Loren in 'Signs of Life' book #2 in this series. He's the former boyfriend of Kai, who was one of the MCs in that story and while he and Kai are very good friends who still care for each other a lot. What they share is a strong and secure friendship and they've each moved in. Kai's story was in 'Signs of Life' and at the end of it we were given the indication that Loren was going to go after the man who held his heart.
Loren and Elliot have been friends all their lives and they've loved each other that long. Unfortunately love's course is never easy and when one of the people involved is a cop and the other deals with mental health issues...you see Elliot is bipolar...if you're not familiar with this condition...take a minute before reading this book and remember google is your friend. I was fortunate in that because I've worked in health care for over 15 years, during that time I had the experience of working with several clients who were bipolar and the one thing I know from that experience is that it takes an incredibly strong person to be the partner of someone who's bipolar and it takes an even stronger person to not just survive being bipolar but to thrive, to make a good and productive life for themselves and that's what Elliot wants but it's not easy. It's so far from easy there aren't even words.
There's no perfection between these men they both make mistakes such huge mistakes but it's never done with the intent to hurt the other person. Loren struggles to be the supportive partner that Elliot needs while still trying to pursue his career goals as a police officer. Elliot fights so hard to manage his condition and be what Lauren needs...they both stumble and have to find ways to pick themselves back up and put themselves and their relationship back together...it's heartbreaking, gut wrenching and seriously if you can read this book without shedding any tears, without feeling their pain...well, you're a tougher person than I.
I had times when I was frustrated with Loren and Elliot but honestly never was there a point at which I didn't want them to find a way to be together. Melanie Hansen has created two incredibly amazing men in this story...not perfect but strong, resilient men who were willing to do what it took...anything it took to be together because when you love someone whose bipolar..."You're either all in or all out."
All of this was made even more vivid for me with the addition of Michael Stellman's voice narrating this story. He gave such depth and emotion to these men and to the people in their lives allowing me to connect with the story on an emotional level that I'm not sure I would have felt had I just been reading the book. I'm not saying I wouldn't have still loved this book no I think it's more a case of Michael Stellman took a book that I would have loved regardless and simply made it that much better.
********************
An audio book of "Unquiet" was graciously provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
September 30, 2017
I'm not going to lie - this story gutted me and I almost gave up listening several times. I had to walk away a couple of times and listen or read something else just to take a break. But it kept drawing me back because I couldn't stop thinking about the characters.
This is one of the best stories I've read where mental health is not demonized, or belittled, but rather almost tenderly explained. Eliot has rapid-cycling bipolar 1 disorder with hypersexuality compulsion.
Trigger Warning: Cheating, Suicide attempts
Eliot and Loren constantly struggle to find balance with each other and Eliot's disorder. Through the dual POV we are witness to Eliot's manic episodes, his highs and lows, his hypersexual moments, but also his hope and love for Loren. We get to witness Loren's own love and hope, but also his fear, his indecision with his job, especially seeing the stress and anxiety being a police officer triggers in Eliot.
Nothing about this story is easy. Even the best parts are tinged with a kind of sadness or a waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop feeling. You don't even get respite in the epilogue. While happy and showing the couple years down the line, there is recounting of more struggle and the ever present need for vigilance.
We get to see a realistic representation of a relationship with ups and downs that requires work by both sides.
The narration works perfectly for the story.
Michael Stellman doesn't do a lot of character voices, and his performance is quieter, more emotional. He delivers the author's words to you in a way that draws you in to the story completely, surrounding and blanketing you in the world, he's not about the flash, he's all about the feeling. Stellman does a really wonderful job conveying all the emotion of the story.
The story is beautifully written with friends to lovers, first heartbreak, second chance romance, and hurt/comfort themes throughout. There is what I consider a high level of angst throughout the book.
It put me through the wringer, and I'm exhausted after finishing it, but I am very glad I picked it up and listened and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it.
NOTE: Unquiet is the third installment in the Resilient Love series (with Everything Changes #1 and Signs of Life #2). Unquiet stands alone from the series, with the characters from the other books making appearances, but explained in a way that doesn't leave new-to-the-series readers out.
Audio copy of Unquiet (Resilient Love #3) provided by Dreamspinner Press in exchange of an honest review.
This review has been cross-posted at Gay Book Reviews.
August 8, 2016
Cuando termino un libro de literatura romántica siempre suspiro pensando que esos personajes, ahora queridos, ya tienen su lugar para ser felices. Sin embargo, cuando finalicé Unquiet lo hice con una lágrima de felicidad y también de tristeza, felicidad porque ya tenían su lugar para intentar ser felices y tristeza porque la autora nos muestra tan bien la enfermedad de uno de ellos que sabes que será difícil.
En los dos libros anteriores los personajes pasan por experiencias traumáticas y el retrato que hace la autora de ellas es bastante fiel, aunque a veces caiga en lo fácil. En este, Eliot sufre un tipo de bipolaridad severa y el rigor con el que la autora refleja cómo lo viven tanto él como su pareja, Loren, es extraordinario, y hace que en distintos pasajes del libro el corazón se te rompa un poquito pensando en ellos.
Ambos protagonistas son valientes y generosos, cada uno con sus errores y ninguno de ellos perfecto. Loren es valiente, sabiendo que podría tener una vida más fácil alejada de Eliot, e incluso ser feliz, decide quedarse, aunque se equivoque, toma la decisión de estar a su lado y entregarlo todo para conseguir una vida feliz juntos a pesar de los problemas que es consciente que surgirán. Y Eliot, Eliot es muy valiente, decide intentar estar bien, intentar una vida normal aunque se le presenten millones de obstáculos, intentar una vida junto a una persona a la que quieres sabiendo que, sin poder evitarlo, habrá ocasiones en la que la hieras.
Podemos ver lo fuerte que puede ser el amor, pero la autora nos respeta a los lectores lo suficiente, y a los que sufren esa enfermedad, como para no darle una solución fácil a través de pastillas o de la salvación por el amor, el amor ayuda a tener una vida más completa o más feliz, pero no va a curar a Eliot.
El libro te hace sentir ternura, desesperación, tristeza, amor, y aunque los dos protagonistas tienen POV con mucha fuerza, es el POV de Eliot el que te deja con un nudo en la garganta mientras estás leyendo cómo se siente. No es un libro perfecto, los primeros capítulos de la historia, desde los 6 hasta los 17 años, me han parecido llenos de ternura, de inocencia, de dolor, pero creo que le ha faltado retratar bien cómo evoluciona su amistad hasta lo que llegan a ser a los 17 años y cómo los personajes son conscienten de su homosexualidad y se lo cuentan el uno al otro. A pesar de ello, me ha parecido un libro maravilloso.
Lo que más me ha gustado es que aun con todos los problemas en el camino, ambos se sienten afortunados por haberse encontrado.
En los dos libros anteriores los personajes pasan por experiencias traumáticas y el retrato que hace la autora de ellas es bastante fiel, aunque a veces caiga en lo fácil. En este, Eliot sufre un tipo de bipolaridad severa y el rigor con el que la autora refleja cómo lo viven tanto él como su pareja, Loren, es extraordinario, y hace que en distintos pasajes del libro el corazón se te rompa un poquito pensando en ellos.
Ambos protagonistas son valientes y generosos, cada uno con sus errores y ninguno de ellos perfecto. Loren es valiente, sabiendo que podría tener una vida más fácil alejada de Eliot, e incluso ser feliz, decide quedarse, aunque se equivoque, toma la decisión de estar a su lado y entregarlo todo para conseguir una vida feliz juntos a pesar de los problemas que es consciente que surgirán. Y Eliot, Eliot es muy valiente, decide intentar estar bien, intentar una vida normal aunque se le presenten millones de obstáculos, intentar una vida junto a una persona a la que quieres sabiendo que, sin poder evitarlo, habrá ocasiones en la que la hieras.
Podemos ver lo fuerte que puede ser el amor, pero la autora nos respeta a los lectores lo suficiente, y a los que sufren esa enfermedad, como para no darle una solución fácil a través de pastillas o de la salvación por el amor, el amor ayuda a tener una vida más completa o más feliz, pero no va a curar a Eliot.
El libro te hace sentir ternura, desesperación, tristeza, amor, y aunque los dos protagonistas tienen POV con mucha fuerza, es el POV de Eliot el que te deja con un nudo en la garganta mientras estás leyendo cómo se siente. No es un libro perfecto, los primeros capítulos de la historia, desde los 6 hasta los 17 años, me han parecido llenos de ternura, de inocencia, de dolor, pero creo que le ha faltado retratar bien cómo evoluciona su amistad hasta lo que llegan a ser a los 17 años y cómo los personajes son conscienten de su homosexualidad y se lo cuentan el uno al otro. A pesar de ello, me ha parecido un libro maravilloso.
Lo que más me ha gustado es que aun con todos los problemas en el camino, ambos se sienten afortunados por haberse encontrado.
January 8, 2016
5+ Stars -- This book is EXCELLENT!! RAW. EMOTIONAL. GRITTY. BRUTAL. HONEST
Melanie Hansen has outdone herself with the third installment in her "Resilient Love" series, Unquiet. This is a story I have been waiting for and to say it blew my fucking mind, would be an understatement. I have to warn you though, if you have depression or Bipolar disorder this book may have some very strong triggers, so please go into it knowing this and prepared.
Our MC Eliot and Loren met each other when they were just kids and they were inseparable. Loren has always loved Eliot even though when they were growing up Eliot seemed a little "strange" at times. As the two get older, Eliot starts drinking excessively and using drugs - Loren is concerned about all these mood changes, the substance abuse, and the alcohol and he talks to Dr. Devlin, Eliot's Mom relaying these concerns only to be brushed off. Loren continues to love Eliot and the feelings change from brotherly love to romantic love as the two grow up. It is wonderful to watch these two come into their adulthood and realize the perfect match for them is their best friend.
Eliot has always had episodes of elevated mood, he would become extremely excitable, hypersexual, sleep wasn't needed and he had these episodes of rapid speech where is mouth just couldn't keep up with his brain. Eliot loved these elevated moods as he felt on top of the world. Eliot didn't like his "black demon" who kept trying to pull him under into depression, no Eliot wanted to be high - all the time.
A situation at the end of high school causes Eliot and Loren to split apart, and they do not see each other again for years, it isn't until Loren is on a case in Arizona that he runs across "Angel" an exotic dancer - Angel turns out to be his Eliot. Loren can't believe what he is seeing and he can't walk away again.. this is the beginning of their second chance.
Loren has to make a lot of changes in his life and some of these changes are not easy and ones he puts off almost until it is too late. He cannot understand why Eliot stops his medication, why he would want to be unstable - and it isn't until Eliots Dr and another couple start talking with Loren he understands that what is normal for one person is not normal for another.
Loren has to make a choice, to be all in or to be all out and walk away from Eliot - Eliot deserves someone who is all in. Things will never be easy for this couple but they will and can be together if Loren can learn how to love Eliot the way Eliot needs.
There are excellent supporting characters in this book. In addition we get to see Jeremy and Kai from Book 2 and also Carey and Jase from book 1 - so it is really the perfect ending of a series.
I just cannot emphasize enough how much this book was spot on. Melanie Hansen did some awesome research in this book, she portrayed the life of mental illness excellently. With that being said it is a RAW. EMOTIONAL. GRITTY. BRUTAL. HONEST story. As stated in the opening of my review, this book is so raw that it might very well cause trigger like reactions in those who have Bipolar Disorder or any other mental illness. There is some cheating in this book, however it is not your typical cheating. One is totally inferred and the other is while Eliot is not under the care of a psychiatrist or in treatment for his illness. In my opinion, these types of cheating add to the story as hypersexuality is very much a part of certain mental illnesses and it would have been wrong of the author to pick and choose which part of the illness she included.
*ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review. Reviewed by JLoves2Read from Alpha Book Club
and Gay Book Reviews
Melanie Hansen has outdone herself with the third installment in her "Resilient Love" series, Unquiet. This is a story I have been waiting for and to say it blew my fucking mind, would be an understatement. I have to warn you though, if you have depression or Bipolar disorder this book may have some very strong triggers, so please go into it knowing this and prepared.
Our MC Eliot and Loren met each other when they were just kids and they were inseparable. Loren has always loved Eliot even though when they were growing up Eliot seemed a little "strange" at times. As the two get older, Eliot starts drinking excessively and using drugs - Loren is concerned about all these mood changes, the substance abuse, and the alcohol and he talks to Dr. Devlin, Eliot's Mom relaying these concerns only to be brushed off. Loren continues to love Eliot and the feelings change from brotherly love to romantic love as the two grow up. It is wonderful to watch these two come into their adulthood and realize the perfect match for them is their best friend.
Eliot has always had episodes of elevated mood, he would become extremely excitable, hypersexual, sleep wasn't needed and he had these episodes of rapid speech where is mouth just couldn't keep up with his brain. Eliot loved these elevated moods as he felt on top of the world. Eliot didn't like his "black demon" who kept trying to pull him under into depression, no Eliot wanted to be high - all the time.
A situation at the end of high school causes Eliot and Loren to split apart, and they do not see each other again for years, it isn't until Loren is on a case in Arizona that he runs across "Angel" an exotic dancer - Angel turns out to be his Eliot. Loren can't believe what he is seeing and he can't walk away again.. this is the beginning of their second chance.
Loren has to make a lot of changes in his life and some of these changes are not easy and ones he puts off almost until it is too late. He cannot understand why Eliot stops his medication, why he would want to be unstable - and it isn't until Eliots Dr and another couple start talking with Loren he understands that what is normal for one person is not normal for another.
"People like me better when I'm manic. And I like how I feel ... like I can do anything I want, be anything I want.
Loren has to make a choice, to be all in or to be all out and walk away from Eliot - Eliot deserves someone who is all in. Things will never be easy for this couple but they will and can be together if Loren can learn how to love Eliot the way Eliot needs.
There are excellent supporting characters in this book. In addition we get to see Jeremy and Kai from Book 2 and also Carey and Jase from book 1 - so it is really the perfect ending of a series.
I just cannot emphasize enough how much this book was spot on. Melanie Hansen did some awesome research in this book, she portrayed the life of mental illness excellently. With that being said it is a RAW. EMOTIONAL. GRITTY. BRUTAL. HONEST story. As stated in the opening of my review, this book is so raw that it might very well cause trigger like reactions in those who have Bipolar Disorder or any other mental illness. There is some cheating in this book, however it is not your typical cheating. One is totally inferred and the other is while Eliot is not under the care of a psychiatrist or in treatment for his illness. In my opinion, these types of cheating add to the story as hypersexuality is very much a part of certain mental illnesses and it would have been wrong of the author to pick and choose which part of the illness she included.
*ARC provided by author in exchange for an honest review. Reviewed by JLoves2Read from Alpha Book Club
and Gay Book Reviews
January 14, 2016
5 'tear jerker' stars
"Do you see the moon, Loren?"
I shouldn't have read this one while on flight. The person next to me must think I'm a wreck, or worst... suicidal.
This story is about two childhood friends that reconnect again later in their lives and one of them suffered from mental illness. Loren and Elliot are best friends since they are six years old. Even with Elliot weirdness, Loren feel such a strong kinship with the boy who lives next door.
"I would have fought a thousand Bobby LaMottes for you, Loren."
"I know, and I would kill a thousand black demons for you."
During the early years, Elliot just seems like a hyper kid, later diagnose as ADHD, but as he grow, his illness escalated into something much worse, until one day, he attempted suicide.
"Why do you keep me around, Loren? Why do you even care?"
"Because you took my loneliness away, El."
When they meet each other again nine years later, Loren is determined to have Elliot back in his life despite his illnesses.
I'm glad to get the little background on their childhood and their teenage years. I can see their unbreakable bond and even with them having their own social life in college, they didn't drift far from each other. It makes me understand why Loren can sacrifice so much for Elliot later in their lives.
Let me just say, getting in Elliot's POV is brutal experience. The author makes it feel so authentic about his struggle, the voices he heard, his stress level and why did he end up making bad decision and doing thing he don't recall.
When it comes to Loren, he is perfection. Some might think that he is too selfless, he was the one making sacrifices, but knowing both their history, I can understand why Loren thinks Elliot is worthy. I admire his relentless pursue to happiness with the man that he love since he was six.
"You're like my - like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to - go away."
Dealing with the matter in this book, with a bipolar hero, his ups and downs in his life, in and out from mental institution, I still don't consider this a depressing story. Of course, it makes me sad to read about his struggle and the problem posed to his relationship with Loren, but there is a hopeful undertone in there. The part I enjoyed most is his road to recovery and the support system that he had.
The author didn't tie everything up in pretty neat bow and we should acknowledge the struggle that Loren and Elliot will face throughout their life time together. While I'm reading this, I know in the end they are gonna be alright and despite the painful journey, is so worth it.
"To Loren... for always seeing the moon."
p/s: This can be read as a standalone.
"Do you see the moon, Loren?"
I shouldn't have read this one while on flight. The person next to me must think I'm a wreck, or worst... suicidal.
This story is about two childhood friends that reconnect again later in their lives and one of them suffered from mental illness. Loren and Elliot are best friends since they are six years old. Even with Elliot weirdness, Loren feel such a strong kinship with the boy who lives next door.
"I would have fought a thousand Bobby LaMottes for you, Loren."
"I know, and I would kill a thousand black demons for you."
During the early years, Elliot just seems like a hyper kid, later diagnose as ADHD, but as he grow, his illness escalated into something much worse, until one day, he attempted suicide.
"Why do you keep me around, Loren? Why do you even care?"
"Because you took my loneliness away, El."
When they meet each other again nine years later, Loren is determined to have Elliot back in his life despite his illnesses.
I'm glad to get the little background on their childhood and their teenage years. I can see their unbreakable bond and even with them having their own social life in college, they didn't drift far from each other. It makes me understand why Loren can sacrifice so much for Elliot later in their lives.
Let me just say, getting in Elliot's POV is brutal experience. The author makes it feel so authentic about his struggle, the voices he heard, his stress level and why did he end up making bad decision and doing thing he don't recall.
When it comes to Loren, he is perfection. Some might think that he is too selfless, he was the one making sacrifices, but knowing both their history, I can understand why Loren thinks Elliot is worthy. I admire his relentless pursue to happiness with the man that he love since he was six.
"You're like my - like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to - go away."
Dealing with the matter in this book, with a bipolar hero, his ups and downs in his life, in and out from mental institution, I still don't consider this a depressing story. Of course, it makes me sad to read about his struggle and the problem posed to his relationship with Loren, but there is a hopeful undertone in there. The part I enjoyed most is his road to recovery and the support system that he had.
The author didn't tie everything up in pretty neat bow and we should acknowledge the struggle that Loren and Elliot will face throughout their life time together. While I'm reading this, I know in the end they are gonna be alright and despite the painful journey, is so worth it.
"To Loren... for always seeing the moon."
p/s: This can be read as a standalone.
March 23, 2019
Melanie Hansen is without any doubt one of the finest authors I've read when it comes to portraying damaged men.
But that's not to say her men are broken, no they are as far from broken as they could be because each of them finds and keeps hold of hope and lives by the mantra of just for today.
This book is the finest of the three in this series because of the brutally honest way in which Eliot's struggle with mental illness is depicted.
Bipolar is a cruel and vicious diagnosis to have and it never goes away and I loved that Hansen never shied away from that. It can never be cured, the fear of your loved one taking their own life is there constantly and it changes relationships.
The honesty of this book is staggering and, from the dedication, it's clear to see this isn't just research.
I've been in the same position, with a friend who had bipolar eventually deciding enough of the medication, enough of the unbelievable highs and unbearable lows, so this book spoke to me personally, not just as a wonderful love story but as a beacon of hope.
Because all you can do is live each day as it comes and hold those you love close.
But that's not to say her men are broken, no they are as far from broken as they could be because each of them finds and keeps hold of hope and lives by the mantra of just for today.
This book is the finest of the three in this series because of the brutally honest way in which Eliot's struggle with mental illness is depicted.
Bipolar is a cruel and vicious diagnosis to have and it never goes away and I loved that Hansen never shied away from that. It can never be cured, the fear of your loved one taking their own life is there constantly and it changes relationships.
The honesty of this book is staggering and, from the dedication, it's clear to see this isn't just research.
I've been in the same position, with a friend who had bipolar eventually deciding enough of the medication, enough of the unbelievable highs and unbearable lows, so this book spoke to me personally, not just as a wonderful love story but as a beacon of hope.
Because all you can do is live each day as it comes and hold those you love close.
July 15, 2017
Don't really want to write a review for this one. To be honest, books that depict mental illness aren't easy to rate and review as personal opinion/experiences can have a huge effect on what you feel.
This one has left me feeling a bit deflated and in a low mood, despite it relatively happy outcome. I don't think trying to dissect my own thoughts would be good right now.
Perhaps I'll write something when I feel better.
This one has left me feeling a bit deflated and in a low mood, despite it relatively happy outcome. I don't think trying to dissect my own thoughts would be good right now.
Perhaps I'll write something when I feel better.
December 23, 2015
*Author is a personal friend, so the ARC was provided by her. As perks of being her friend I get to read her books first, usually lots of versions of them, but this one I only read the full version after it was done.
Ok. Loren and Eliot. Sighs. Oh boy oh boy...this one is tough. Not tough as in "sad and angst-y", but tough as in sadly realistic. Eliot suffers from mental issues, he's bipolar, he suffers from depression, he struggles every single day and even though I have never dealt with anything like that in my life, Mel made it sound real. I can't even begin to imagine what it might be to love someone like Eliot and for that Loren is my hero. But more than that, I can't imagine what it is to be Eliot and for that, Eliot is my hero.
It's sad and touching and sweet and it's probably gonna make you cry, but it's a journey and you won't regret making to the end of it. I think my favorite thing about this book is how the author realistically show Eliot's struggles and how she shows that yes love may conquer it all, but it doesn't make everything magically be ok. Eliot and Loren have to fight and sink and swim and fight again to be together.
This book made me gain a new respect at ppl who fight mental illness. Fighting against your own mind and feelings...I have absolutely no idea what a struggle it must be. You are all my heroes.
I won't spoiler anyone, obviously, but if you read and loved Everything Changes and Signs of Life, the epilogue will make you very happy!
All in all, you all should read it. It's a great book.
Ok. Loren and Eliot. Sighs. Oh boy oh boy...this one is tough. Not tough as in "sad and angst-y", but tough as in sadly realistic. Eliot suffers from mental issues, he's bipolar, he suffers from depression, he struggles every single day and even though I have never dealt with anything like that in my life, Mel made it sound real. I can't even begin to imagine what it might be to love someone like Eliot and for that Loren is my hero. But more than that, I can't imagine what it is to be Eliot and for that, Eliot is my hero.
It's sad and touching and sweet and it's probably gonna make you cry, but it's a journey and you won't regret making to the end of it. I think my favorite thing about this book is how the author realistically show Eliot's struggles and how she shows that yes love may conquer it all, but it doesn't make everything magically be ok. Eliot and Loren have to fight and sink and swim and fight again to be together.
This book made me gain a new respect at ppl who fight mental illness. Fighting against your own mind and feelings...I have absolutely no idea what a struggle it must be. You are all my heroes.
I won't spoiler anyone, obviously, but if you read and loved Everything Changes and Signs of Life, the epilogue will make you very happy!
All in all, you all should read it. It's a great book.
July 14, 2018
Heart wrenching story full of angst, mistrust, self-blame, misunderstanding, mental instability and a-hell of a lot of PURE LOVE ❤️. This book was the most heartbreaking in the series but it was also my favorite! It felt real and really made an impact for me and opened my eyes for people and family members going through one form or another of mental illness. Excellent exhausting high and low book but I’m so happy Loren got his true love back and in their own way had their hea ❤️seeing the moon 🌚 🌕 together (in the book) 🤩
February 21, 2016
I went through so many emotions while reading this story. At points I found myself holding my breath, scared of what might come next.
Loved the realness of Eliot's condition and the effects same had on his and Loren's relationship. I believed in them as people and as a couple, and I really appreciate that Melanie Hansen didn't smear spunk from the magic penis all over our heroes to fix everything that's "wrong" with them.
If you're into realistic stories, go ahead and grab this one. :-)
Loved the realness of Eliot's condition and the effects same had on his and Loren's relationship. I believed in them as people and as a couple, and I really appreciate that Melanie Hansen didn't smear spunk from the magic penis all over our heroes to fix everything that's "wrong" with them.
If you're into realistic stories, go ahead and grab this one. :-)
September 7, 2022
I'm going to say right out the gate that my rating of this book probably is unfair. If I based it on the writing quality I would give it a 5 star. If I based in on my enjoyment of the book I would give it a 1 star. I'm going split the difference with a 3.
This story is brutal and takes a very realistic look at loving someone with a chronic, severe mental health issue. I would go so far as to say it's a love story but not a romance. If you're looking for a story with a touching hea this ain't it. I had read and really enjoyed the previous two books in the series and while they were filled with angst and hurt/comfort, at the end of the day everyone was happy.
The book is nothing but pain for these two. But wait....epilogues give us heas right? Nope. The epilogue here is just more pain for these two guys. They have their moments of happiness but they're boxed in between really horrible days, weeks, months. When it ended I just felt sad and so, so bad for both of them. I found this entire story to be a giant downer. If I had known going in and I was in the mood for something stark and realistic to real life I would have probably liked it better. I wasn't and it was not at all what I wanted to be reading right now.
For me the only bright spot was the appearances of Jace & Cary (book 1) and Kai & Jeremy (book 2). Thank the books gods all is going great for them.
This story is brutal and takes a very realistic look at loving someone with a chronic, severe mental health issue. I would go so far as to say it's a love story but not a romance. If you're looking for a story with a touching hea this ain't it. I had read and really enjoyed the previous two books in the series and while they were filled with angst and hurt/comfort, at the end of the day everyone was happy.
The book is nothing but pain for these two. But wait....epilogues give us heas right? Nope. The epilogue here is just more pain for these two guys. They have their moments of happiness but they're boxed in between really horrible days, weeks, months. When it ended I just felt sad and so, so bad for both of them. I found this entire story to be a giant downer. If I had known going in and I was in the mood for something stark and realistic to real life I would have probably liked it better. I wasn't and it was not at all what I wanted to be reading right now.
For me the only bright spot was the appearances of Jace & Cary (book 1) and Kai & Jeremy (book 2). Thank the books gods all is going great for them.
October 31, 2024
✰ 2.5 stars ✰
“When it comes to bipolar disorder, man, love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action word. It’s a fucking decision.”
I came, I saw, I failed to conquer my disgruntlement with Melanie Hansen's particular writing style. Her ideas are genuine and relatable, if not heavy and realistically portrayed in how one's lifestyle and work expectations, along with the understanding that not everything can magically heal or be changed is believable to me. But, the portrayal of the characters' dynamics and interactions was never quite captured in a way that created a stir within me - one that had me feel the anguish or even the hint of affection. It's not me - it's not them - it is the writing not clicking with me, and that is something I can't ignore. 😮💨
“This is something I have to live with, and something you have to live with if you want to be with me.”
For bipolar disorder - 'an illness that he didn’t ask for and doesn’t want'- is not something to be treated lightly, nor is it one that can be treated overnight. And for Elliot who has been struggling with it since his childhood, it is a challenge to not only overcome, but even to accept that he does need help and is willing to take the necessary steps to take that help. 😕 And it was rough. It was rough and it was difficult even for his childhood best friend, Loren, to always be there for him -"stupid, naive promises he had no business making' - a lesson he learned the hard way that despite how much effort he put into it just being there for him, it could not be enough for both of them. Especially when Loren also is trying his hardest to balance his job on the police force, keeping his sexuality a secret, and also doing his utmost to be as supportive and as understanding of Eliot's challenges, as well. 😟
It is a true testament of resilient love to make them find a way to work. Patience, guidance, acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding are pivotal aspects of one's character to hope that they can survive the irrational fears or cravings - or simply losing the will to live. 😢 The author does not make it easy for them, either. It is that numbing intense feeling in which Eliot still succumbs to his demons - where his mind is anything but Unquiet that tests their resilience of making it work. I did feel that so much an unsettling nature seemed unwarranted, but I also understood the need to do so. To show that as much as Eliot could feel he has healed, there is always the off-set of multiple influences not in his control that can cause him to regress. That Loren cannot always take the burden upon himself as the guilty one or the one who has to make amends. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
“You’re my moon too, Loren. You’re like my—like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to—go away.”
Their romance itself does have its ups and downs - rightfully so. It is a tumultuous relationship steeped with first an innocent childhood love that bloomed into one of an absence out of spite or jealousy, fueled by an intense longing that eventually became one of want and desire, but burdened with the impending challenges they both have to overcome - mentally and physically. There is never no doubt that Loren deeply cares for Eliot; there's too much history not to. 'When you walk away, I just pray you’ll be the one who comes back.' 💔💔 Loren tried really hard to show Eliot love - to care for him - to trust in his strength - to believe in his growth - to hope that it can last. But, how much is driven from affection and friendship, and not one of nurturing and dependency? 😓 How much understanding and forgiveness can Loren exhibit, before he cracks from the enormous pressure and weight of responsibility he has chosen to take upon himself?The balance to somehow also appease Eliot's volatile state of mind, along with his own demands at work is difficult to keep up, especially when there is no guarantee of when he might unfortunately break from his own resolve.
And so with so many issues, how did I fare while reading? Well, I finished it. That does count. I liked that there still was some good in both of them - two twenty-six-year-olds who were just facing too much rough waters for them to handle. I liked that Loren tried to amend his past mistakes - fervently hopeful that he could have that second chance with Eliot - the boy he loved, but left behind. 'I’m glad I’m your best memories.' 🥹 I felt Eliot's stream of conscience of how unbalanced he was at times - angry and quick-tempered was portrayed convincingly so. Loren's own pain of feeling like he was enough to save Eliot, let alone help him was heartbreaking. Even when they were both trying - savoring their intimacy and craving each other - there was always something else tipping the scale against them - a hurtful stab, a biting plea, a harsh reminder lying in wake. 😢
“Whether it’s cloudy, whether it’s sunny—it’s there, even if you can’t see it. The sun goes away, but the moon is always there.”
Those angsty feelings, along with the guide into Eliot's mental state did not really make it an easy read. It's not quite fair to say that it became redundant, because it feels like it is showing all sides to it - I just felt exhausted while reading it. The emotional turmoil was draining, but I still feel it is unfair to say so, since no one ever said it would be easy, and expecting otherwise is also unrealistic. 😐 'Please, baby, be patient with my mistakes.' I can say, though with my own absolute certainty, that the writing was a miss. If murmur was the favorite choice of words last time, then the usage of rasped was clearly the winner here. 😑 I don't know - there's something kinda childlike to the writing that doesn't sit well with me. Even the sex scenes are supposed to be passionate, but I feel like cringing at how awkwardly it's written; the tone just felt off at times. 😫 I also had little to no interest in the development of Loren's police cases, despite how much it impacted adversely to his relationship with Eliot; it also felt severely underdeveloped - again, only there to negate their dynamic.
It was nice to see old faces in the epilogue; gratifying to see them at their happiest. Not too keen on the entire info-dumping of Eliot and Loren's past in the last three years, but I do get it was to emphasize how it hasn't all been rose petals and happiness; that the bumps along the way just make their love stronger and resilient and capable of overcoming even the depths of darkness that could always make its presence known at any given stage. 🫂 I do commend the author for tackling such challenging subjects; the writing felt so grating at times that I could not in good faith find anything redeemable about it to convince me to take another chance with it again. 😔
“When it comes to bipolar disorder, man, love isn’t just a feeling. It’s an action word. It’s a fucking decision.”
I came, I saw, I failed to conquer my disgruntlement with Melanie Hansen's particular writing style. Her ideas are genuine and relatable, if not heavy and realistically portrayed in how one's lifestyle and work expectations, along with the understanding that not everything can magically heal or be changed is believable to me. But, the portrayal of the characters' dynamics and interactions was never quite captured in a way that created a stir within me - one that had me feel the anguish or even the hint of affection. It's not me - it's not them - it is the writing not clicking with me, and that is something I can't ignore. 😮💨
“This is something I have to live with, and something you have to live with if you want to be with me.”
For bipolar disorder - 'an illness that he didn’t ask for and doesn’t want'- is not something to be treated lightly, nor is it one that can be treated overnight. And for Elliot who has been struggling with it since his childhood, it is a challenge to not only overcome, but even to accept that he does need help and is willing to take the necessary steps to take that help. 😕 And it was rough. It was rough and it was difficult even for his childhood best friend, Loren, to always be there for him -"stupid, naive promises he had no business making' - a lesson he learned the hard way that despite how much effort he put into it just being there for him, it could not be enough for both of them. Especially when Loren also is trying his hardest to balance his job on the police force, keeping his sexuality a secret, and also doing his utmost to be as supportive and as understanding of Eliot's challenges, as well. 😟
It is a true testament of resilient love to make them find a way to work. Patience, guidance, acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding are pivotal aspects of one's character to hope that they can survive the irrational fears or cravings - or simply losing the will to live. 😢 The author does not make it easy for them, either. It is that numbing intense feeling in which Eliot still succumbs to his demons - where his mind is anything but Unquiet that tests their resilience of making it work. I did feel that so much an unsettling nature seemed unwarranted, but I also understood the need to do so. To show that as much as Eliot could feel he has healed, there is always the off-set of multiple influences not in his control that can cause him to regress. That Loren cannot always take the burden upon himself as the guilty one or the one who has to make amends. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
“You’re my moon too, Loren. You’re like my—like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to—go away.”
Their romance itself does have its ups and downs - rightfully so. It is a tumultuous relationship steeped with first an innocent childhood love that bloomed into one of an absence out of spite or jealousy, fueled by an intense longing that eventually became one of want and desire, but burdened with the impending challenges they both have to overcome - mentally and physically. There is never no doubt that Loren deeply cares for Eliot; there's too much history not to. 'When you walk away, I just pray you’ll be the one who comes back.' 💔💔 Loren tried really hard to show Eliot love - to care for him - to trust in his strength - to believe in his growth - to hope that it can last. But, how much is driven from affection and friendship, and not one of nurturing and dependency? 😓 How much understanding and forgiveness can Loren exhibit, before he cracks from the enormous pressure and weight of responsibility he has chosen to take upon himself?The balance to somehow also appease Eliot's volatile state of mind, along with his own demands at work is difficult to keep up, especially when there is no guarantee of when he might unfortunately break from his own resolve.
And so with so many issues, how did I fare while reading? Well, I finished it. That does count. I liked that there still was some good in both of them - two twenty-six-year-olds who were just facing too much rough waters for them to handle. I liked that Loren tried to amend his past mistakes - fervently hopeful that he could have that second chance with Eliot - the boy he loved, but left behind. 'I’m glad I’m your best memories.' 🥹 I felt Eliot's stream of conscience of how unbalanced he was at times - angry and quick-tempered was portrayed convincingly so. Loren's own pain of feeling like he was enough to save Eliot, let alone help him was heartbreaking. Even when they were both trying - savoring their intimacy and craving each other - there was always something else tipping the scale against them - a hurtful stab, a biting plea, a harsh reminder lying in wake. 😢
“Whether it’s cloudy, whether it’s sunny—it’s there, even if you can’t see it. The sun goes away, but the moon is always there.”
Those angsty feelings, along with the guide into Eliot's mental state did not really make it an easy read. It's not quite fair to say that it became redundant, because it feels like it is showing all sides to it - I just felt exhausted while reading it. The emotional turmoil was draining, but I still feel it is unfair to say so, since no one ever said it would be easy, and expecting otherwise is also unrealistic. 😐 'Please, baby, be patient with my mistakes.' I can say, though with my own absolute certainty, that the writing was a miss. If murmur was the favorite choice of words last time, then the usage of rasped was clearly the winner here. 😑 I don't know - there's something kinda childlike to the writing that doesn't sit well with me. Even the sex scenes are supposed to be passionate, but I feel like cringing at how awkwardly it's written; the tone just felt off at times. 😫 I also had little to no interest in the development of Loren's police cases, despite how much it impacted adversely to his relationship with Eliot; it also felt severely underdeveloped - again, only there to negate their dynamic.
It was nice to see old faces in the epilogue; gratifying to see them at their happiest. Not too keen on the entire info-dumping of Eliot and Loren's past in the last three years, but I do get it was to emphasize how it hasn't all been rose petals and happiness; that the bumps along the way just make their love stronger and resilient and capable of overcoming even the depths of darkness that could always make its presence known at any given stage. 🫂 I do commend the author for tackling such challenging subjects; the writing felt so grating at times that I could not in good faith find anything redeemable about it to convince me to take another chance with it again. 😔
July 5, 2018
***Audio Review***
Great narration from Michael Stellman. I loved his interpretation of The Mating of Michael by Eli Easton, and as soon as I saw he'd narrated this one, I was all over it. Such a shame the first 2 stories in the series were narrated by Robert Nieman, whose boring narrating unfortunately always leaves me feeling distinctly underwhelmed.
***Book Review***
Fabulously written by Ms Hansen. I cried for Eliot AND Loren, for the happy life that they'd had from the age of 6 before Eliot's bi-polar illness manifested itself fully in his mid-teens, and for the 'ordinary' life they would never be able to have in the future because of circumstances, BUT after a couple of false starts, they both tried so hard to make it work within the confines of Eliot's medical regimen, mood swings and that 'black demon' sitting on his shoulder. Who could blame Loren for being overwhelmed and backing away a couple of times [although I wasn't happy with him, I could sort of sympathise]...not Eliot, that's for damn sure; after all he was the one who had to live with the debilitating illness that made him feel like he wanted to die some of the time.
A fitting end to a wonderful series from Melanie, and it was so good to catch up with Jase and Carey, and Kai and Jeremy and their kids. 5 glittery stars from me.
Great narration from Michael Stellman. I loved his interpretation of The Mating of Michael by Eli Easton, and as soon as I saw he'd narrated this one, I was all over it. Such a shame the first 2 stories in the series were narrated by Robert Nieman, whose boring narrating unfortunately always leaves me feeling distinctly underwhelmed.
***Book Review***
Fabulously written by Ms Hansen. I cried for Eliot AND Loren, for the happy life that they'd had from the age of 6 before Eliot's bi-polar illness manifested itself fully in his mid-teens, and for the 'ordinary' life they would never be able to have in the future because of circumstances, BUT after a couple of false starts, they both tried so hard to make it work within the confines of Eliot's medical regimen, mood swings and that 'black demon' sitting on his shoulder. Who could blame Loren for being overwhelmed and backing away a couple of times [although I wasn't happy with him, I could sort of sympathise]...not Eliot, that's for damn sure; after all he was the one who had to live with the debilitating illness that made him feel like he wanted to die some of the time.
A fitting end to a wonderful series from Melanie, and it was so good to catch up with Jase and Carey, and Kai and Jeremy and their kids. 5 glittery stars from me.
January 30, 2018
"When you walk away, I just pray you’ll be the one who comes back."
I know one Eliot in real life.
His life is not pretty.
This book is honestly brutal. And I had to put down and pause a few times to be able to continue. This is not a a simple romance book. This is, a life lesson. You need courage to read this one.
Because, I know. I've been there, and it's not pretty.
This book broke my heart, emotional like witnessing the moment of truth.
Sad, but at the same time, this is beautiful.
I couldn't recommend you more, but please read this book!
"Do you see the moon,Loren?."
January 29, 2016
Amazing book.
March 25, 2022
Trudna, brutalnie szczera i wyczerpująca emocjonalnie książka o trudnej, wymagającej ciągłej czujności i walki miłości.
Nie ma w tej książce kwiatków, tęczy i jednorożców. Nie ma uroczych chłopaków, w których można się zakochać. Nie ma radosnego HEA, gdzie bohaterowie odjeżdżają w stronę zachodzącego słońca. Jest za to choroba afektywna dwubiegunowa. Jest nieustająca walka. Jest głęboka przyjaźń od 6 roku życia. Jest próba pogodzenia nadziei i marzeń z rzeczywistością. Jest strach przed wyjściem z szafy w pracy pełnej twardych i męskich detektywów. Jest pełno potknięć i totalnych upadków. Jest HEA takie, jakie może być w tym przypadku - pełne walki, porażek i zwycięstw.
Nie ma nic ładnego ani słodkiego w tej książce. Nic nie jest owinięte w błyszczący, kolorowy papier i posypane brokatem. Jest brutalność rzeczywistości i życia - i jest okrutnie piękna.
Nie ma w tej książce kwiatków, tęczy i jednorożców. Nie ma uroczych chłopaków, w których można się zakochać. Nie ma radosnego HEA, gdzie bohaterowie odjeżdżają w stronę zachodzącego słońca. Jest za to choroba afektywna dwubiegunowa. Jest nieustająca walka. Jest głęboka przyjaźń od 6 roku życia. Jest próba pogodzenia nadziei i marzeń z rzeczywistością. Jest strach przed wyjściem z szafy w pracy pełnej twardych i męskich detektywów. Jest pełno potknięć i totalnych upadków. Jest HEA takie, jakie może być w tym przypadku - pełne walki, porażek i zwycięstw.
Nie ma nic ładnego ani słodkiego w tej książce. Nic nie jest owinięte w błyszczący, kolorowy papier i posypane brokatem. Jest brutalność rzeczywistości i życia - i jest okrutnie piękna.
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