Why I Didn't Rebel: A Twenty-Two-Year-Old Explains Why She Stayed on the Straight and Narrow---and How Your Kids Can Too

by Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach

In this unique combination of personal history, interviews, and social science, a young millennial shares surprising reasons that youthful rebellion isn’t inevitable and points the way for raising healthy, grounded children who love God.

Teen rebellion is seen as a cultural norm, but Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach begs to differ. In Why I Didn’t Rebel--based on a viral blog post that has been read by more than 750,000 people--Lindenbach shows how rebellion is neither unavoidable nor completely understood. Based on interviews with her peers and combining the latest research in psychology and social science with stories from her own life, she gives parents a new paradigm for raising kids who don’t go off the rails.

Rather than provide step-by-step instructions on how to construct the perfect family, Lindenbach tells her own story and the stories of others as examples of what went right, inviting readers to think differently about parenting. Addressing hot-button issues such as courtship, the purity movement, and spanking--and revealing how some widely-held beliefs in the Christian community may not actually help children--Why I Didn’t Rebel provides an utterly unique, eye-opening vision for raising kids who follow God rather than the world.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Christian, Religion, Family, Self Help

224 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 3, 2017

About the author

Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach is a writer, blogger, and psychology graduate from Ottawa, Canada. The daughter of blogger and author Sheila Wray Gregoire, Lindenbach is an online entrepreneur passionate about challenging common patterns of Christian thought

Reviews

[Kirsten · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh boy. This book. Where to begin?
For starters, Rebecca isn't a parent. Much less a parent of teens/young adults, and it really shows. She never does interview a parent, and I think that would have greatly enriched her research.
This fact leaves her "research" very lopsided. All her interviews with young adults who did or didn't rebel felt one sided. She's only getting the opinion on the parenting tactics of the parents from the kids. That's super subjective and even dangerous. Kids tend to see things through an lense. At times, they completely misunderstand a parent's method or intention.
The author tiptoes around the word sin. She thinks part of the reason she didn't rebel is that her parents called certain behaviors "stupid" instead of "sinful."
I didn't take notes while I was reading, and I should have. A lot of what I took issue with is fleeing my memory. I just know that the whole thing didn't quite sit well with me. I definitely didn't walk away with a formula that I'll be using to keep my kids from rebelling.
As a side note, I'm a preacher's kid who grew up in a Christian home. My parents were firm but fair. We weren't allowed to watch Pg-13 movies or listen to secular music. We got spanked. We definitely called rebellious behavior sin in our home. Our mom read our texts periodically. I saw that as accountability, not an invasion of privacy. I didn't rebel. Neither did my sister. My 14 yr old brother isn't rebelling and I think it will stay that way (although he is allowed to do more than we did as teens.) We have a great relationship with our parents. We chose not to rebel not because of our parents great parenting (even though they were awesome), but because we both had personal relationships with Jesus. We didnt want to rebel because we loved Him and wanted to obey Him. That's a huge part of what's missing in this book I think. The emphasis is too much on outer circumstances and influences, and almost completely ignores the issue of the heart. You could have a home with all the right ingredients and they follow the conclusions of the author to tee, but if their teen isn't walking with the Lord, they might still rebel because they don't have the Holy Spirit as their conviction. Okay, I'll step off my soap box now. 😆

[Callie · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was sheer curiosity that prompted me to pick up Why I Didn't Rebel by Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach. The subtitle states that the book is written by a millennial who did not rebel as a teenager and I was also a millennial who did not rebel as a teenager, so I wanted to see if our experiences were similar.

I thought the author presented some interesting reminders in this book. I could relate to a lot of the points she made because a lot of the things that she experienced in her family were things my parents also did. I think this book may offer some value in helping parents to start thinking about how they can aid of their children in not rebelling (or how they may inadvertently push them toward rebellion). So many of her points had to do with building a strong family unit through communication, traditions, and a family identity, and I thought she had great things to say on these subjects (though her "evidence" is almost purely anecdotal).

However, there were some areas where I felt that the author's lack of experience on the parenting side started to show. I am a millennial who is a little further down this road because I have children of my own now. Coming at this as a parent of young children, I felt that some topics that she tried to cover can be a bit more complicated than she made them out to be. A good example is the chapter on discipline. Entire books have been written on the topic of discipline from many different perspectives, including different strategies than the ones she presented in this book. I felt that she oversimplified that whole topic and didn't take into account viewpoints that were different than her own. I was also surprised that she didn't mention any biblical principals in this chapter, because God obviously has something to say in the matter of how to train children. The only mention of Scripture here was an expert's opinion on why he thinks the Bible doesn't advise spanking (which people obviously also have a lot of opinions on, but only one side was presented). A huge opportunity was missed here to make this whole book more biblically grounded, so I found that disappointing.

(It also irked me when she stated her opinion that it was better not to focus on what are right and wrong decisions when talking to teens, but rather what is "smart or dumb". Why can't we include both? I think it is more effective to include both angles, so I disagreed with her here.)

The further I got into this book, the more something started to bug me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until the last chapter, and I think it boiled down to two things. First, I felt that the way she presented her points in this book came off very formulaic, as if doing certain things would almost guarantee that your kids wouldn't "rebel". And while I thought a lot of her advice was good, I finally figured out why her approach was bugging me - it's because overall, this book felt very weak to me on the Gospel. The author mentions "authentic" Christianity, and even repentance or forgiveness of "mistakes", but it is never tied together into a full picture - that ALL children are naturally rebellious against God. That's called sin. And in order to not rebel against us, they first need to stop rebelling against God, turn from their sin, and believe in Jesus Christ and His righteousness to cover the debt of their sins that they cannot pay.

If our children aren't first truly saved, it doesn't matter one wit if they don't "rebel" in the traditional sense - they are still lost in their sins, and that is the most serious rebellion of all. I thought the author was perhaps trying to communicate that with her "authentic Christianity" talk, but it sounded like a bunch of buzz words, and to me, she failed to communicate what should be the main point for Christian parents, which is communicating the Gospel effectively to our children in every way we can, in word and deed.

So overall, I don't know, maybe I'm being a little hard on this book, but something didn't sit right. I won't be recommending this book. I feel there are more complete resources for Christian parents out there.

(If you are looking for a more biblically grounded book about raising children, including preventing rebellion and teaching them to trust Jesus as their Savior, I highly recommend John MacArthur's Successful Christian Parenting.)

Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for a review. This is my honest opinion.

[Amanda · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author appeals to her own authority and experience as the standard to define rebel and good. While she did interview 25 millennials, she quoted them as if they were actual quotes in the book. However, they all had the same voice (despite being male or female) and used near identical language to describe events (i.e. Devastated). Either all 25 were psychological majors or the author took liberty in her quotations to use her own voice. Being as how she stated that one had an electrician degree, one was studying biology, and one premed(I'd have to refer to my notes to verify that), it created an untrustworthy tone to the testimonies given. I took fairly extensive notes and my questions or arguments outweighed beneficial statements by more than 15:1. A Goodreads review simply isn't enough to give a thorough review.

While I grant that the author had an engaging tone and was generally enjoyable to read, I must reject nearly all of her examples. I do greatly appreciate her comment on page 95 that raising kids who don't rebel means raising kids who are going to be different.

The author did not present a clear definition of what "rebel" means. She implied that rebellion was partying, sex, drinking, and drugs. The dictionary definition of rebel is to rise in opposition or resistance to an established government or ruler, or authority. In the first several chapters, the author subtly set the stage to undermine parental authority. She did not address Biblical authority as set in the Word of God. Rebellion is more than just a physical act of the above mentioned things, but is an act in the heart. A defiance against authority. She set no grounds as to why we should not rebel. Why is rebelling bad? She repeatedly referred to partying and drugs as stupid and dumb. Why are they stupid? Are they stupid because they are sinful? Her emphasis was placed on being smart rather than being holy.

The author consistently appealed to psychology above the Word. She also failed to identify her examples where a clear Biblical standard was broken as Biblical, but rather appealed to psychology. Her examples or rebellion consisted of children who were children on divorce, children whose only disciplinarian presented was the father, or children whose father's exasperated (although the previous examples outnumbered the latter). Fathers are instructed to not exasperate their children, yet rather than offer Biblical instruction the author turned to a study.

The author did not mention sin until page 142. It was mentioned a total of four times. The second time was a parent telling a child we don't go to the circus because that is where people go to sin. The last two times were within a few paragraphs of each other in the conclusion and it was addressing sexual sin. I do not recall repentance being mentioned once - but multiple times God healing our hurts. It was about God helping us feel better rather than us serving a holy and righteous God.

There were many inconsistencies within the message as well. Chapter 6 said family was about fun above all. Chapter 8 said it was about team sacrifice above fun. In one chapter the author said she was disciplined but not punished. Later she said she was punished for disrespect. In the beginning, she said her family had no rules, yet later she said her mom wouldn't have allowed her to get away with the disrespect other girls had. At one point she agreed with her interviewees that bringing friends on vacation is a terrible idea because it hinders family time, yet a couple chapters later she spoke of taking many family vacation/camping trips with the Woods family and the kids being detached from the adults (although she made it sound like a good thing there). Just as the author failed to define rebel and played loosey goosey with the meaning of words, the author manipulated the meanings of acts through her inconsistency. Another example is where she applauded Jason's father for calling out the youth leadership who publicly berated his son. She emphasized how they yelled at the boy, and yet she says the father then yelled at the leaders. If yelling is bad, why was it good for him to do it? It sounded as if the father also did this in public? I was seriously confused in that example as it seemed to be using different, inconsistent, standards that for one person it is acceptable to do something yet not for someone else. And again, by what standard? If we are using the feelings of Jason, what gives more weight to his feelings than the leader's feelings?

In the chapter about spanking the author cited a researcher. She made the claim that children who were spanked were more at risk. However, only a general statement was made with no qualifications. At what risk? Five percent or ninety-five percent? Additionally, at risk of what? At risk of becoming drug users? Or at risk of becoming astronauts? The statement does not validate her point, but creates a vague (yet false) appeal to authority because an expert says children are at risk. That is meaningless as stated. Regarding the Hebrew use of the word child in the proverbs, I intend to do more research. The author has not proven to me that she can fairly and meaningfully apply expert testimony to her case, therefore I cannot accept the testimony simply because it is presented. I do agree, however, that it was serious business as we were talking about sins that possibly included the death penalty. But then again, wasn't the death penalty instated for disobedience? God took sin very seriously in the old covenant. (He still does, but praise God, Jesus paid the penalty for all of us).

The author fails to realize that not everyone is as extremely extroverted as she stated her family is. She spoke as if her experience was the only reality.

I understand that many will reject my review. I understand that may be the case because I know this is a popular blogger/author. What it ultimately comes down to is not my opinion versus someone else's opinion, but rather what the Word of God says. The entire, authoritative word of God. From cover to cover. It is not what I feel (at one point the author referred to 'feeling that the gospel is misrepresented'). It is what the Word says. Can we go to it for what we need? Is it enough? Do we need to go to psychology?

Simply put, I cannot in good conscience recommend this book. This book cannot be defended Scripturally. The author exhibited naïveté towards the sinful nature. On multiple occasions she referred to how good we were. We were good kids. We'd always be good, wouldn't we? Being good is the natural state of man, or so she implied. When a parent follows the advice in this book and the child still rebels, the views of this book are not defensible. The child is a sinner. The parents are sinners. We all choose whether we will obey or rebel. (Again, this refers to the lack of defining rebel as several examples that she uses as innocent learning, such as her sister defiantly asking how many spankings, reflect a rebellion to authority in the heart). If you want man's wisdom, in which man is the authority of right and wrong, then I surmise you will love this book. If you want tough, Scriptural edification and training in which we recognize our sin (sin and 'mistake') are not the same thing, and fall humbly on our face before the Lord of Lords this is not the book for you.

There were enough infractions in this book between inconsistencies, misrepresentation of Scripture, misrepresentation of others (were the parents ever interviewed of the kids who rebelled?), simple lack of defining of words and consistent application, poor execution of expert testimony, lacking of common sense, appeal to own authority and experience, that a thorough refutation of this book would require a book longer than he initial book.

[Sarah Schroeder · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm probably going to type something that is not popular. Just because the teen rebels doesn't mean it's the parents fault. Parents are not perfect, teens are not perfect. But just because a parent is wrong doesn't mean a child or teen can rebel. God knows God's in control. God can help the teenager and parents go through it. And teens can talk to their Pastor or youth pastor.
In some parts of the book (maybe because I listened to the audio) I felt the author was talking down to the parents.
I did get encouragement as a parent. I do not agree with everything my parents did or said. My parents were very strict. But I believe God blesses teens who do right no matter how their parents are.
That being said, parents do have a huge impact on their children and teens.
Also, this book goes to show, how you train them as children greatly affects how they are as teens.
Parents need to be the right example.
More is caught than taught.
As a parent you HAVE. to pray. your. guts. out!

[Bobby-Kimberly Beason · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I didn't agree with every principle and questioned some of the points of view (always the adolescent/never the parents) this was a very refreshing parenting book. There were quite a few times while reading, where I paused and though "wow, that's really insightful!". Full of research and stories from various families from different backgrounds and different parenting styles, the author focuses in on tactics, principles and heart of the matter that leads to best results: raising a gospel-centered, focused and responsible adult -whom has not rebelled. An insightful and thought-provoking read.

[Claire Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Y’all know I love a good, Christian, PRACTICAL parenting book. Someone remind me to read this again when my kids hit middle school.

[Rebecca Lemke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am honored to have had the opportunity to receive a free advanced copy of Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach's Why I Didn't Rebel to review.

This review will contain spoilers, you've been warned!

For those of you who don't know, this book is based on a post that was published on Rebecca's mother's site, To Love, Honor and Vacuum (which I had the opportunity to guest post on awhile back). The premise is that teenage rebellion is not inevitable, and Rebecca herself is a testament to that.

For the book, Rebecca conducted interviews with other individuals who had various different home and church lives in order to find out what does and does not influence a teenager to rebel.

In the beginning of the book, Rebecca answers the question of what rebellion is and is not, which I greatly appreciated. Growing up in a homeschooling community where every little thing was considered rebellion, it was healing for me to be presented with a logical definition of what is and is not rebellion behavior. Suffice it to say, wanting to wear makeup or shave your legs, contrary to homeschool group standards, is not teenage rebellion.

One thing I especially loved was Rebecca's approach to logical consequences within parenting. Training children up in her articulation is more about learning and growth rather than punishment or a power struggle. While her take on some subjects may be controversial, in particular in the Southern states, she uses empirical data and personal accounts to back up her thesis.

Something she noted that really stuck with me because it was something that I noted in my own book and that is the importance of balance. In many of the cases that Rebecca looked at where children rebelled, there was either a lack of rules or too many rules. Neither of these approaches are healthy or conducive to well-rounded children. Too few rules don't give any boundaries for which a child can thrive in. Too many rules are often accompanied by the rules often being ill-explained. In addition to that, the parents of these households often voice that they feel they should not have to explain themselves to their children. I am fond of this quote, while it isn't directly relevant to parenting, I believe the sentiment can be applied,

"..If you give orders and explain nothing, you might get obedience, but you'll get no creativity. If you tell them your purpose, then when your original plan is shown to be faulty, they'll find another way to achieve your goal. Explaining to your men doesn't weaken their respect for you, it proves your respect for them..."
--Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Giant

There is also the matter of self-fulfilling prophecies in parenting that I was happy to see was included in the content of Rebecca's book. I have seen this sort of thing happen with purity culture where a parent did not trust their child to be sexually pure, so after so long of being put on and nagged by a parent, a child would intentionally lose their virginity to fit with the narrative their parents had for them.

Why I Didn't Rebel touches on some things to do right as well, like showing authenticity as a parent and being real with your children. You don't have to keep up an air of perfection for your children, in fact, it benefits them when you don't.

Rebecca's book presents a holistic approach to parenting based on authenticity, logic, balance, and our identity in Jesus.

Why I Didn't Rebel is a must-read message of hope and healing that I would recommend for both Christian parents and adolescents.

[Leanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth a read. Some good reminders and insights. I started to wince a bit towards the end of the book - I think I just disagreed with a few of the ideas in the last few chapters. The tone was a bit off in places too. I can’t fault her too much though, as thinking you have life figured out seems to be part of being a recent grad/newlywed (for me too back in the day! No judgment here.)

[Cassidy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not just for parents of teenagers. This is for parents of children at any age, and the earlier you read and implement these practices, the better. The ideas she shared made a lot of sense. A good many are things I had already thought of, so this was confirmation. Most, I've seen in action, and they work! It's not a recipe that if mixed perfectly grantees a perfect outcome, but it helps your odds. It's definitely a balance.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I Didn’t Rebel
Ages adult. Price $16.99
Nelson Books www.ThomasNelson.com
Why I Didn’t Rebel is a must have for adults who want to raise children who don’t rebel. This is available in paperback or in ebook form.
Why I Didn’t Rebel is from the viewpoint of a twenty-two year old woman who never rebelled. However, she explains that she was strong willed and did question her parents’ rules. What and who she didn’t rebel against was God. She also explains the importance of having some basic principles in place. They are:
 Ditching a rules-based mentality and instead teaching moral reasoning.
 Having true communication with each other that’s more than just prying for information or rattling off reminders for homework.
 Learning how to have a friendship with their kids where they truly like each other as people and want to spend time together.
 Letting teens make decisions on their own and, if they fail, allowing them to productively learn from those mistakes.
 Using discipline to encourage good behaviors, instead of only stifling bad ones.
 Teaching kids how to find their identity in God alone, not grades or social status or even what their parents think of them.
Lindenbach explains, “There are never any guarantees that your child won’t rebel, but to many people think it’s a guarantee that that will, so parents give up too easily.”
Reading Why I Didn’t Rebel and following it’s suggestions won’t guarantee that your kids won’t rebel, but it does offer tried and true recommendations based on dozens of interviews Lindenbach did.
Addressed with humor and sensitivity, Why I Didn’t Rebel relates advice that will help them navigate the traumatic teen years and know when to discuss the rules and revise them and when to stand firm and make sure they follow through with making sure their kids obey.
This book would be an excellent addition to a personal parenting library, libraries, homeschools, Christian schools, daycares and church libraries. An invaluable guide to raising kids who don’t rebel.

[Emily P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I Didn't Rebel was an engaging read. I have worked with teens for many years and wondered what new information we could gain from a book like this. However, it is a great resource for parents, those who work with teens, mental health professionals, church leaders and those who love and care about teens. It is informative, as the author shares her stories of what she saw with peers and how she made life choices that kept her out of trouble. Teens often get a bad reputation--which is not always accurate. Teens want respect, just like adults do. They want authenticity and for us to admit failures when they do exist. There are some honest conversations that can happen during/after reading this book. I know I will put some of its principles suggested into my future conversations with my own boys.
* I received an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest review. All opinions above are my own.*

[Kaitlyn Carl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just one in a long line of resources the Lord has been giving me lately that all say the same thing: a family needs to be a team. This came along at just the right time for me! Great insights to help encourage conversation among friends and between spouses about parenting methods and styles.

[Katy Lovejoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up because I also didn't rebel as a child and have siblings that are waiting for ne to go off the deep end

[Erin Odom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where do I begin? This is one of the best books I've read in a long time. It's one that I read, then went back and re-read several passages with pen in hand to underline and make notes! As the mom of 4 young children, I was immediately drawn to this book. I believe we must prepare for the teenage years when our kids are young! Like the author, Rebecca, I didn't rebel--and neither did my siblings. I hadn't been able to put my finger on why, though, until I read this book. My experiences as a child and adult were very similar to Rebecca's. While this isn't a sure-fire formula to prevent your kids from rebelling, I definitely think Rebecca's personal experiences, the experiences of the 25 young adults she interviewed, and her research all backs up that following the principles laid out in this book will help parents foster homes where rebellion is less likely.

Don't let the title fool you into thinking: "What does a 22-year-old know about parenting?" Rebecca was a psychology major in school, and she backs up what she discovered in her own life and in the lives of young adults she interviewed with a TON of research. As well, Rebecca is an amazingly articulate writer! More than once, I thought: "I can't believe she was only 22 when she wrote this!" I truly hope this is the first among many books by Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach. I know that I, for one, will be buying them!

Why I Didn't Rebel is a must-read for every Christian parent.

[Missy Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a quick read with some good practical tips on raising your kids well. I appreciated reading something from a 22 year old as most parenting books are written by parents.

The biggest flaw of the book, I think is her theology. It was tough to figure out why I was on and off again bothered by the book, but I think that’s what it comes down to. I have a theology where Jesus is the center; I am depraved and in desperate need of him. Only by seeing his lavish grace can I have healing and hope. The love of God is mind blowing and transformative and of course amazing things flow from this, one thing is that I sin less. But knowing Jesus is not a tool to help me or my children sin less. And that’s how I felt the book read....it starts with the idea of not having your kids rebel and Jesus fits nicely in to many good parenting strategies.

She says all the right words about who Jesus is, but I felt like he is not really at the center in this book. Behavior is at the center with open communication, proper discipline, and authentic Christianity as all good parenting techniques to get the good behavior.

[Natalie Herr · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the perspective of the author, but it was hard to take some of her advice seriously- knowing myself how hard it is to actually parent small humans. She made it seem more cut-and-dry than it actually is to raise kids. It might be a book I’ll revisit when I have pre-teens, but it’s not one I’ll recommend as a must-read for parents.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

All parenting books I've read up to this point have been written from the parents perspective about how to control a child's behavior. I loved this book because it's written from the grown child's perspective about what worked and what didn't.

[Brooke Irwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was super interesting to read! It comes from a girl who was homeschooled, and she never did the whole teenage rebellion phase that so many seem to go through these days. She had a lot of insights based on research from others about having kingdom minded adults. She mentioned discipline as a way for kids to know there are rules, but not being so strict that they never think for themselves or make their own decisions. I loved many of the insights she shared. My only issue with the book is that she doesn’t have kids of her own, so while talking about what her parents did right, it might change her perspective some when she has kids of her own. Very insightful read, and there were many passages I highlighted and will refer back to!

“yelling is not a consequence. Yelling is a reaction—it’s you getting angry. But it doesn’t actually teach your child how to make better choices.”

“And we see parents shielding their children from failure again and again so they never have to feel that they aren’t number one. But what if having a realistic view of who God made your kids to be and accepting their limitations helps kids cope better with real life?”

[Dawn Aldridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

It seems like what my kids need most from me is constant attention and constant play. But is that actually what they need?

This book convinced me what kids need most is to feel like they belong. If they don't feel like they belong in their own families, they will find some place else where they feel like they belong. And that's how the rebellion begins.

This book is written by a 22-year-old based on her own experience growing up, as well as the experiences of 25 young adults who grew up during the time of social media. As a psychology student, she also incorporates scientific studies along with the stories of the people she interviewed (some who did rebel and some who didn't; Christians and non-Christians) and summarized that information into main themes that existed in the families of kids who didn't rebel. 

This book provides encouragement as well as ideas of where to start to build a home life that makes your child feel loved and supported.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a kid who also didn't rebel, I can fully attest to every part of this book. From the commonalities amongst non-rebellers that I and my friends share, to the common traits of rebellers I witnessed time and again in peers and now in the youth group I do ministry with... This book covers it! Parents will find the "kid's" perspective both interesting and very helpful. You have to be humble and desire to do whatever it takes... Even be willing to abandon your "trusted" ways to follow the Spirit into faith and away from fear. Don't dismiss something in here just because it rubs you the wrong way. This book is fair and balanced and aligns perfectly with what me and my peers have experienced in terms of making it to adulthood with the best chance of "success" academically, vocationally, morally, but most importantly, spiritually.

[Mandi Ehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I’m privileged to consider Sheila Wray Gregoire (the author’s mom) a colleague and friend, and I’ve been meaning to read this one for awhile, but I was a little hesitant to take parenting advice from someone so young. However, I loved the format of this book - interviewing tons of young people to look for anecdotal trends in their experiences, Rebecca’s honesty about her own experiences - and her parents’ imperfections), and her insights based on the interviews she did.

There’s no perfect formula for raising good kids, and I don’t think she attempts to present one, but as we move firmly into the teen years, this book made me a take a hard look at our parenting style and family culture, and I can tell it’s a book I’ll think back on often and probably reread several times!

[Gina Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting read. I’m glad someone wrote what I was thinking as a teen who didn’t/ isn’t going to rebel. I agreed with most of her points on teen rebellion but some things I saw where she was coming from but I didn’t agree. I think the book was written well. Like a long, fun, blog post. However, some points she made, the way they were explained, didn’t really make me say “Yes! So true!” Instead I had to reread the line to get her point.
Also, as much as she touches on partying, drugs, and sex there’s still a lot more ways that teens rebel that weren’t covered. From Christian perspective anyway.
Overall though it was a good read as a teen, and parents will probably get a few good points out of it

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love a lot of the content produced by Rebecca with her mom Shelia for Bare Marriage, so I was curious to read this book written when Rebecca was in her early twenties (now 8 years ago). There are some good points here, and I appreciate that Rebecca pulls in other people’s experience and other research rather than only her own thoughts, but honestly we still just have such limited experience at 22 years old. The book just feels very young and would have benefited from a bit more maturity I think.

Rebecca also co-wrote The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves better, which are both on my highly recommended list. I think she’s got a really good head on her shoulders and this was just a first book. You can see the seeds of the way she’ll write later on.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read (audio version) this book because I was curious to hear why the author concluded that she did not rebel. Coming from a similar culture, I would say that I did not rebel but I can’t come up with a reason why I did not. Aside from the topic of rebellion, this book prompted a lot of thought about parenting for me, as it feels like much if what we do as parents doesn’t seem to be getting the results desired. The main summary at the end of the book given by the author is that family isn’t a club, it’s a team, which has already been a great help in discussing parenting efforts with our kids.

[Gretchen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh dear. It might have been the abysmal audiobook narrator or the age of the author, but I felt like the good points were overshadowed by a sanctimonious tone. I know that when I was 22, I didn't always deliver my strongly held opinions in the most humble way. I guess, overall, it made me reflect on how I was parented and how I parent and how that is so intertwined with how we view God/faith/life, which is a positive. But I was disappointed at times with the underlying, "I've got it all figured out," vibe that I just couldn't connect with.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

The intended audience for this book are parents but I learned so much from it being an unmarried young lady. It was interesting to know about the parenting styles that can lead children to rebel. I was battling with rebellion during my last years in college but thankfully I never did. I realized that some of my parents' methods were not correct and I am determined to implement most of the things mentioned here when I have my own children someday. This is an eye-opening book, well-written, and thoroughly researched. Even if you are not a parent, you will learn a lot from this book.

[Megan La · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have a child approaching the pre-teen or teen years, you really must pick up a copy of this book. Rebecca’s insight is relevant to the world our teens live in (which is vastly different from the world we were teenagers in), and Why I Didn’t Rebel is bound to be a perennial tool on the shelves of Christian parents who are looking for ways to stay connected in a real way with their children through the hazards of teenage living.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

In today's society teenagers are often expected to be moody, disrespectful and lazy. However the reality is that teens have the potential to be so much more! This book takes a positive view of the teen years and gives practical advice on how to help teens become the best they can be, and not fall away from their faith. The extensive research and variety of stories shows how teenagers in all different situations can thrive, rather than run off the rails. Highly recommended for all parents!

[Rebekah Pinkava · Rating 4 out of 5]

While it’s definitely not a parenting handbook, and Rebecca was far from a parenting expert when she wrote this, I believe there’s value in hearing from people who aren’t far removed from their teenage years. They offer a glimpse into how a teenage interprets things and what they do and don’t respond to. I take anything a 22 year old says with a grain of salt, but in the future having a reminder of what my kids might be thinking and feeling in their adolescent years could be really helpful.

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was brought home from the local public library because it looked interesting. This book left me smiling thinking about my wonderful parents and my upbringing. It was heavy on psychology (the author got her degree in it). Also the author came to some conclusions that I didn't always agree with, but it got me thinking!