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Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness
“This book is bold and strong and unapologetic. Unflinching, even. Joy Beth doesn’t back down from those hard conversations that need to be happening, not just in our churches but in our small groups, our social circles, our relationships.” —Mandy Hale, creator of The Single Woman and New York Times bestselling author
Did you enter adulthood thinking marriage would naturally find you, only to end up at a second-cousin’s wedding, dodging yet another bouquet the night before you turned thirty? Maybe you’ve started wondering, is this the best the single life has to offer? Joy Beth Smith says it’s not. The single life doesn’t have to be the runner-up version of God’s best. It doesn’t have to leave you constantly waiting for “real life” to begin. Party of One offers a let go of the tired lies weighing you down and turn toward truth. Understand
You don’t have to be married to be wise. You don’t have to be a mother to have supernatural love. You don’t have to own a home to be hospitable.Singleness is not meant to be pitied, shamed, fixed, or even ignored. It is to be celebrated.God doesn’t promise you a husband, but he does promise comfort, intimacy, and satisfaction.With humor, self-awareness, and been-there perspective, Party of One delves into the insecurities and struggles of singleness and encourages you to find the good, the true, and the beautiful, to dive headfirst into community, and to stop pressing pause on a life you never expected.
Did you enter adulthood thinking marriage would naturally find you, only to end up at a second-cousin’s wedding, dodging yet another bouquet the night before you turned thirty? Maybe you’ve started wondering, is this the best the single life has to offer? Joy Beth Smith says it’s not. The single life doesn’t have to be the runner-up version of God’s best. It doesn’t have to leave you constantly waiting for “real life” to begin. Party of One offers a let go of the tired lies weighing you down and turn toward truth. Understand
You don’t have to be married to be wise. You don’t have to be a mother to have supernatural love. You don’t have to own a home to be hospitable.Singleness is not meant to be pitied, shamed, fixed, or even ignored. It is to be celebrated.God doesn’t promise you a husband, but he does promise comfort, intimacy, and satisfaction.With humor, self-awareness, and been-there perspective, Party of One delves into the insecurities and struggles of singleness and encourages you to find the good, the true, and the beautiful, to dive headfirst into community, and to stop pressing pause on a life you never expected.
239 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 6, 2018
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954 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 172 reviews
May 8, 2018
3 stars ✨
While I loved what this book brought to the table in regard to the church's view of singles, a conversation I'm happy is starting to grow, I didn't always agree with the author. When she talks about Jesus not being enough for her, I HIGHLY disagree. There is no need of man that Jesus can not and will not meet. And she claims she's never been "wooed" by God. I don't see how she ever came to know Christ if she can't recognize that her testimony & act of salvation is the result of an all-consuming love, a love that "woos" us into a relationship with Jesus. Sometimes she'd bring up issues she struggled with, and offered no help or guidance? I thought that was weird (specifically near the beginning of the book when she talked about guarding your heart-she didn't really offer anything helpful, just that she's found it hard to do in the past)
And later on, she talked about how she'll imagine a life with this man she barely knows, and entertain the fantasy of being his wife & the whole time I was like, "THIS IS HOW NOT TO GUARD YOUR HEART" !! No wonder she's been so discouraged?? If you build up an imagined relationship in your mind (something most girls are guilty of doing), then of course you're setting yourself up for heartache when you realize your actual love life is nothing like the love life you've been creating and fantasizing about. To quote J.K. Rowling, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." !!!!! She gets to this by the end of the book, but she didn't do too great of a job at bridging the gap, if you know what I mean.
There were some nuggets of truth tucked into these pages, especially toward the very end! I just think, overall, this is a book to spark conversation, not a book that's going to help counsel you with any problems you might have in surrendering your desires to God. But props to the author for her boldness!!
While I loved what this book brought to the table in regard to the church's view of singles, a conversation I'm happy is starting to grow, I didn't always agree with the author. When she talks about Jesus not being enough for her, I HIGHLY disagree. There is no need of man that Jesus can not and will not meet. And she claims she's never been "wooed" by God. I don't see how she ever came to know Christ if she can't recognize that her testimony & act of salvation is the result of an all-consuming love, a love that "woos" us into a relationship with Jesus. Sometimes she'd bring up issues she struggled with, and offered no help or guidance? I thought that was weird (specifically near the beginning of the book when she talked about guarding your heart-she didn't really offer anything helpful, just that she's found it hard to do in the past)
And later on, she talked about how she'll imagine a life with this man she barely knows, and entertain the fantasy of being his wife & the whole time I was like, "THIS IS HOW NOT TO GUARD YOUR HEART" !! No wonder she's been so discouraged?? If you build up an imagined relationship in your mind (something most girls are guilty of doing), then of course you're setting yourself up for heartache when you realize your actual love life is nothing like the love life you've been creating and fantasizing about. To quote J.K. Rowling, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." !!!!! She gets to this by the end of the book, but she didn't do too great of a job at bridging the gap, if you know what I mean.
There were some nuggets of truth tucked into these pages, especially toward the very end! I just think, overall, this is a book to spark conversation, not a book that's going to help counsel you with any problems you might have in surrendering your desires to God. But props to the author for her boldness!!
February 8, 2018
YES. THIS. This is the book on singleness that the church and Christian literature has needed and so sadly lacked for so long. It’s bright, bold, and honest, and I found myself underlining, circling, or starring something on nearly every page. I’d gift it to every single gal I know if I could afford it.
July 18, 2018
Party of One was an okay book. When I started it, I thought I was going to love it...and I did enjoy a good chunk of the book. There were a few things that I had problems with and because of that I can't recommend the book. I liked how honest the author was and the writing style was good.
December 8, 2017
This book exceeded my expectations, which were already pretty high.
Joy Beth Smith tackles what can be an extremely sensitive and painful subject for so many with humor, honesty, and lots of grace for herself and her readers. She offers stories (her own and others'), rather than pat answers and leaves you feeling like you've had a refreshing real discussion with your girlfriends.
I found myself nodding along like a bobble-head for the bulk of the book as I recognized my own experiences and those of my friends in Joy Beth's stories (although hers are much funnier). Her frank vulnerability about the hard parts of being single is incredibly refreshing in a genre dominated by sugar-coating and cliche-wielding.
Ladies, if you’ve ever been told that you’re too intimidating, too smart, too strong, or too opinionated for a man to date, there's a whole chapter that will have you cheering and maybe even holding your head a little higher.
This is hands down the best book on singleness and dating that I've read.
Joy Beth Smith tackles what can be an extremely sensitive and painful subject for so many with humor, honesty, and lots of grace for herself and her readers. She offers stories (her own and others'), rather than pat answers and leaves you feeling like you've had a refreshing real discussion with your girlfriends.
I found myself nodding along like a bobble-head for the bulk of the book as I recognized my own experiences and those of my friends in Joy Beth's stories (although hers are much funnier). Her frank vulnerability about the hard parts of being single is incredibly refreshing in a genre dominated by sugar-coating and cliche-wielding.
Ladies, if you’ve ever been told that you’re too intimidating, too smart, too strong, or too opinionated for a man to date, there's a whole chapter that will have you cheering and maybe even holding your head a little higher.
This is hands down the best book on singleness and dating that I've read.
February 18, 2018
This is quite honestly the book I've been needing for years. It reads very much like all the conversations I've had with all my single Christian friends who are in their late 20s and older--all of us who are frustrated by not knowing our place in the Church, by feeling as though there really isn't a place for us in the Church.
I want everyone I know who is a believer to read this because it's such a great place to begin a conversation about a lot of different ideas: how difficult being older and single is, how being told that "God has someone out there for you" can be damaging and just plain wrong, how single people often idolize marriage (and how the Church often contributes to making marriage an idol), and how Christians need to deal with issues of sexuality and singleness.
The book is, at times, a sucker punch and, at other times, a breath of fresh air. Goodreads tells me that I highlighted 79 passages in my Kindle edition of this book, so many of which I'm sure were accompanied by an internal "Thank God I'm not the only one who feels this way" and also "Thank God we can rely on God's promises and goodness even when it feels like we're absolutely alone."
Thank you, Joy Beth Smith. We should probably be best friends.
I want everyone I know who is a believer to read this because it's such a great place to begin a conversation about a lot of different ideas: how difficult being older and single is, how being told that "God has someone out there for you" can be damaging and just plain wrong, how single people often idolize marriage (and how the Church often contributes to making marriage an idol), and how Christians need to deal with issues of sexuality and singleness.
The book is, at times, a sucker punch and, at other times, a breath of fresh air. Goodreads tells me that I highlighted 79 passages in my Kindle edition of this book, so many of which I'm sure were accompanied by an internal "Thank God I'm not the only one who feels this way" and also "Thank God we can rely on God's promises and goodness even when it feels like we're absolutely alone."
Thank you, Joy Beth Smith. We should probably be best friends.
Read
February 22, 2019This is a book that I wish someone had handed me when I was younger.
Singleness and sexuality can be so hard to talk about in a Christian context that most people don't even try. Those that do often end up in mired in patronising cliché or arbitrary rule pronouncing. This book is a refreshing change. Joy Beth delivers a take on singleness and sexuality that is bold and frank while still being biblical and compassionate. On some of the more sensitive issues she does a greatjob of making an even-handed explanation of differing perspectives. A particular strength of this book is the way she she draws on extensive focus group interviews with a diverse array of single women. The insights these women share make the book even more interesting and provide good food for thought.
The book will of course be of benefit to many single women. But I hope it is also read more widely, especially by those in leadership or teaching roles who interact with single women.
Singleness and sexuality can be so hard to talk about in a Christian context that most people don't even try. Those that do often end up in mired in patronising cliché or arbitrary rule pronouncing. This book is a refreshing change. Joy Beth delivers a take on singleness and sexuality that is bold and frank while still being biblical and compassionate. On some of the more sensitive issues she does a greatjob of making an even-handed explanation of differing perspectives. A particular strength of this book is the way she she draws on extensive focus group interviews with a diverse array of single women. The insights these women share make the book even more interesting and provide good food for thought.
The book will of course be of benefit to many single women. But I hope it is also read more widely, especially by those in leadership or teaching roles who interact with single women.
December 13, 2017
Longer review to come, but YOU GUYS! This book is so good! Singleness all-too-often is a neglected topic in our churches (in the pulpit, the programming, and [often] the personal relationships). Party of One is an excellent beginning to a long overdue conversation.
January 28, 2018
Joy Beth Smith writes about singleness without dismissing either its difficulties or its joys. Party of One is a comfort for single people that they are seen, known, loved, and not alone, and an education for married people who are willing to learn what life for their single family members and friends might be like. This book is my new go-to recommendation on singleness as a Christian.
March 22, 2018
I appreciate that this book attempts to tackle a topic so rarely addressed. It's nice to hear from people who are single like me, and also believe relationships don't define us or our worth. That's refreshing, really, and I think this book will create some good conversation.
However, I take issue with a couple things Joy Beth said in this book, which ultimately led to my one star. Spoilers below.
She says that marriage is not inherently good, and that within Christian circles, marriage is given "undue emphasis". I have a different perspective because I am Catholic, and do not have experience in Protestant churches or purity culture like Joy Beth. But I don't think we need to degrade marriage in order to show the value of single people. It's not either/or, but both/and. We can value, include, and minister to both married and single people without tearing the other down. And I hardly imagine married people think their needs are perfectly met at their churches.
I take great issue with Joy Beth's section on sexuality and stumbling blocks, some very heavy topics. She says regarding masturbation that "at best we can only have a soft opinion either way" about whether or not it's right (and glorifies God) because it's not specifically in the Bible. I'm sorry, but the word Trinity and abortion aren't in there either, and Christians are allowed to have strong beliefs about those topics. If we believe that our sexuality is designed for communion with another person in mutual self gift, I think it's pretty clear that masturbation is not God's plan.
She then goes on to say how terrible pornography is, and how masturbation often leads to that, so we need to be careful. The cognitive dissonance was incredible. She does include quotes from people for and against masturbation, but the person she uses arguing against it is C.S. Lewis. What kind of authority does he have? None. He was an (amazing!) author, but not a spiritual leader or expert on sexual ethics.
As an author asserting some sort of spiritual know-how, I just could not take this seriously after this failure. That's really too bad because there's a lot of food for thought and topics for discussion among livers of the single life.
I took away from this that I'm incredibly grateful to be Catholic. I have such a rich history and tradition in theology and sexual ethics to glean from, which don't depend on finding a specific word in the Bible. Joy Beth did touch on some important topics in relation to single people, but this book unfortunately missed the mark for me.
However, I take issue with a couple things Joy Beth said in this book, which ultimately led to my one star. Spoilers below.
She says that marriage is not inherently good, and that within Christian circles, marriage is given "undue emphasis". I have a different perspective because I am Catholic, and do not have experience in Protestant churches or purity culture like Joy Beth. But I don't think we need to degrade marriage in order to show the value of single people. It's not either/or, but both/and. We can value, include, and minister to both married and single people without tearing the other down. And I hardly imagine married people think their needs are perfectly met at their churches.
I take great issue with Joy Beth's section on sexuality and stumbling blocks, some very heavy topics. She says regarding masturbation that "at best we can only have a soft opinion either way" about whether or not it's right (and glorifies God) because it's not specifically in the Bible. I'm sorry, but the word Trinity and abortion aren't in there either, and Christians are allowed to have strong beliefs about those topics. If we believe that our sexuality is designed for communion with another person in mutual self gift, I think it's pretty clear that masturbation is not God's plan.
She then goes on to say how terrible pornography is, and how masturbation often leads to that, so we need to be careful. The cognitive dissonance was incredible. She does include quotes from people for and against masturbation, but the person she uses arguing against it is C.S. Lewis. What kind of authority does he have? None. He was an (amazing!) author, but not a spiritual leader or expert on sexual ethics.
As an author asserting some sort of spiritual know-how, I just could not take this seriously after this failure. That's really too bad because there's a lot of food for thought and topics for discussion among livers of the single life.
I took away from this that I'm incredibly grateful to be Catholic. I have such a rich history and tradition in theology and sexual ethics to glean from, which don't depend on finding a specific word in the Bible. Joy Beth did touch on some important topics in relation to single people, but this book unfortunately missed the mark for me.
did-not-finish
December 19, 2020I'm not going to star rate this because I didn't finish this. And I'm not stopping this because it's bad and no one should read it, but simply because I wasn't finding it encouraging or beneficial.
Before you read any further, I would say if you feel you are struggling with the conservative church's view of singleness and want to challenge some of those ideas, I think this does it well. Know there is a very frank chapter about sex.
One other positive thing? This was far more balanced than a lot of singleness books I've read. It wasn't so upbeat that you doubted the author was being honest nor was it so depressing it made me feel worse. Raw and honest are two good words.
The number one issue I have with this book and a lot of other books on singleness is the amount of blaming going. I think it is totally appropriate to say "here's a problem we need to address" And I am all for changing the conversation about singleness. However, the issue with this and so many other books I feel like the author went in with a lot of angst and in with her boxing gloves on. because of this, if you disagree at all, it makes you feel like you need to take a defensive stance. I honestly felt like all the blaming of various teachings and advice (much of which I totally agree needs be challenged) could have been done in a more gracious, humble, and loving way. I think the author tried but didn't always succeed.
This next one I want to be very careful with. However, I feel like some areas felt like they needed to be addressed by someone with more maturity. I'm not trying to say you have to be a certain number of years old before you write a book like this, but at least for me, there were a few things tackled that showed a lack of maturity. The main way this lack of maturity showed up is in a seeming unwillingness to own responsibility for things and beliefs. I know this is subjective and I cannot really know the heart of the author, but that's how it came across to me I find this a common issue in books for singles.
The two issues above combined into an overall feeling of angst and lack of forgiveness for those who have preached and done hurtful and wrong things. Again, this is the feeling I get from the book, not a judgment on the state of the author. Instead of focusing on the art of being single, this seemed to focus on how the church has gotten it wrong, and I get it! I've grown up in a conservative church and I've heard some of the same misguided preaching and advice. At the same time, it just made the book harder for me to read.
Lastly, I've seen several comments about some of the theology in this book being off. I honestly think that the author has a good, solid theological background her wording is just very off-putting. I would probably agree with what she meant by a lot of the things she said, just not the way she said it.
Before you read any further, I would say if you feel you are struggling with the conservative church's view of singleness and want to challenge some of those ideas, I think this does it well. Know there is a very frank chapter about sex.
One other positive thing? This was far more balanced than a lot of singleness books I've read. It wasn't so upbeat that you doubted the author was being honest nor was it so depressing it made me feel worse. Raw and honest are two good words.
The number one issue I have with this book and a lot of other books on singleness is the amount of blaming going. I think it is totally appropriate to say "here's a problem we need to address" And I am all for changing the conversation about singleness. However, the issue with this and so many other books I feel like the author went in with a lot of angst and in with her boxing gloves on. because of this, if you disagree at all, it makes you feel like you need to take a defensive stance. I honestly felt like all the blaming of various teachings and advice (much of which I totally agree needs be challenged) could have been done in a more gracious, humble, and loving way. I think the author tried but didn't always succeed.
This next one I want to be very careful with. However, I feel like some areas felt like they needed to be addressed by someone with more maturity. I'm not trying to say you have to be a certain number of years old before you write a book like this, but at least for me, there were a few things tackled that showed a lack of maturity. The main way this lack of maturity showed up is in a seeming unwillingness to own responsibility for things and beliefs. I know this is subjective and I cannot really know the heart of the author, but that's how it came across to me I find this a common issue in books for singles.
The two issues above combined into an overall feeling of angst and lack of forgiveness for those who have preached and done hurtful and wrong things. Again, this is the feeling I get from the book, not a judgment on the state of the author. Instead of focusing on the art of being single, this seemed to focus on how the church has gotten it wrong, and I get it! I've grown up in a conservative church and I've heard some of the same misguided preaching and advice. At the same time, it just made the book harder for me to read.
Lastly, I've seen several comments about some of the theology in this book being off. I honestly think that the author has a good, solid theological background her wording is just very off-putting. I would probably agree with what she meant by a lot of the things she said, just not the way she said it.
March 20, 2018
Confession: Over the years I've avoided reading books on singleness. I didn't want to read them, just as I didn't want to be single. I keep hoping that eventually my singleness will cease to be an issue because somewhere along the way I'll find that I've passed on the next stage of life. You know, the one you dream about from the time you're a little girl. Marriage. Hopefully followed by Motherhood. Single Street is just the highway to get there, right?
Something prodded me to take a closer look when I heard about this book. I recognized that Something, or more appropriately, Someone. I had no idea what I was in for! This book is astounding. It's honest and scary and a little confrontational, in all the good ways. It's full of grace and faith and tenacity. I highlighted so many passages that when I went back and typed them up afterwards they filled 5 pages on Google Docs. It was definitely the Lord prompting me to pick up this book a few weeks ago, and I'm so glad I know Him well enough to recognize and respond!
What makes this book astounding? Joy Beth Smith takes us on a real-life look at singleness in all its messy struggles. "Honestly, it's crushing to live under the constant weight of unmet desires," she says in the first passage I highlighted. Oh sister, I know the language you are speaking! In three parts, she proceeds to unpack the heart of a single woman and challenge us to live in Truth and Hope and Purpose.
Part I: Unfulfilled Promises. We grow up being taught that someday we will be wives and mothers. If it doesn't automatically happen, either not when you expect or perhaps not at all, it causes a lot of questions. In Chapter 3 Joy Beth asserts, "There aren't the guarantees we're raised to think there are. And us asking these questions is not questioning God's character, but it's questioning what we've been handed down from family and the church." Hmm. That's rather true, isn't it? God never promised us a husband. Who builds up that expectation? And what can we do about facing that heartbreak and living as valid and valued members of Christ's Body? For one thing, Joy Beth urges us to dig into community. We do desperately need other people in our lives - people who will come alongside us, support us, speak truth to us, and to whom we can do the same thing. Those are universal needs, and I happen to agree with her observation in Chapter 4: "If the church were to live in that community that we see in Acts, we would actually have better, stronger marriages, because we're getting married for the right reasons, not only to solve the loneliness problem."
Part II: Sexuality. "Paul tells me to get married if I must due to my lust; well, Paul, if it were that easy, I'd have a minivan full of kids by now." That line from Chapter 7 really resonated with me! The celibate life is flat-out difficult, and often grows more difficult the longer it goes on. And it's not really talked about because there are no easy answers. Zero. Zip. Nada. I loved how Joy Beth calls us to glorify God by owning up to the fact that He made us with this sexual component to our lives, and by stewarding it to the best of our ability. She explains in Chapter 6, "Stewardship is the quiet, daily work of acknowledging your sexuality, seeing where it's integrated into your life, seeing where the edges are fraying, and being faithful to patch up as needed." She also speaks straight truth when she tells us in Chapter 8, "Sexual purity is a sacrifice, one that the Lord demands of us, and for good reason." As ever, the real pattern for our lives can be found in Jesus Christ, although maybe in a different way than we've ever thought about before: "I embrace my kinship with a sexual Jesus who also struggled against His flesh, against weariness and fatigue and temptation, and still He sinned not. That's a Jesus I actually admire a great deal, one I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying to model both my singleness and sexuality after" (Chapter 6).
Part III: Living In Reality. We as single women may feel like we're missing out on a big part of life, but if we have followed God and He has led us here, we need to be living out the lives He wants us to live. This section is full of "You'd better say 'ouch' if you can't say 'amen'" lines, such as: "My purpose is not waiting for me at at the altar or inside a cradle. I need to learn how to live a life that's pleasing to God right now - I need to figure out what Biblical womanhood looks like apart from these roles we fill" (Chapter 12). This world needs women who are faithful and women who live out their God-ordained callings. We can help set the standard no matter our marital status. We need to step back from holding marriage up as an idol and live unashamed, grace-filled lives of purpose. What has God called you to do? Are you doing it? Are you seeking Him? Who are our lives to be centered around anyway? Check out another quote from Chapter 12: "When we become pursuers of God, we will make amazing wives. And mothers. And daughters. And friends. Because when we feed that main channel, all those tributaries will benefit."
This review barely skims the surface of Joy Beth's book, and if my reflections have stirred your interest, I cannot recommend this book highly enough, either for single women or married women who want to find ways to be an encouragement to their friends, sisters, or daughters. May our hearts ever be drawn closer to one another and to our Heavenly Father, whose good plans for our lives may look different than ours, but they are still good.
I received my copy of the book from the publisher. All opinions in this review are my own.
This review originated at http://reviewsbyerin.dreamwidth.org
Something prodded me to take a closer look when I heard about this book. I recognized that Something, or more appropriately, Someone. I had no idea what I was in for! This book is astounding. It's honest and scary and a little confrontational, in all the good ways. It's full of grace and faith and tenacity. I highlighted so many passages that when I went back and typed them up afterwards they filled 5 pages on Google Docs. It was definitely the Lord prompting me to pick up this book a few weeks ago, and I'm so glad I know Him well enough to recognize and respond!
What makes this book astounding? Joy Beth Smith takes us on a real-life look at singleness in all its messy struggles. "Honestly, it's crushing to live under the constant weight of unmet desires," she says in the first passage I highlighted. Oh sister, I know the language you are speaking! In three parts, she proceeds to unpack the heart of a single woman and challenge us to live in Truth and Hope and Purpose.
Part I: Unfulfilled Promises. We grow up being taught that someday we will be wives and mothers. If it doesn't automatically happen, either not when you expect or perhaps not at all, it causes a lot of questions. In Chapter 3 Joy Beth asserts, "There aren't the guarantees we're raised to think there are. And us asking these questions is not questioning God's character, but it's questioning what we've been handed down from family and the church." Hmm. That's rather true, isn't it? God never promised us a husband. Who builds up that expectation? And what can we do about facing that heartbreak and living as valid and valued members of Christ's Body? For one thing, Joy Beth urges us to dig into community. We do desperately need other people in our lives - people who will come alongside us, support us, speak truth to us, and to whom we can do the same thing. Those are universal needs, and I happen to agree with her observation in Chapter 4: "If the church were to live in that community that we see in Acts, we would actually have better, stronger marriages, because we're getting married for the right reasons, not only to solve the loneliness problem."
Part II: Sexuality. "Paul tells me to get married if I must due to my lust; well, Paul, if it were that easy, I'd have a minivan full of kids by now." That line from Chapter 7 really resonated with me! The celibate life is flat-out difficult, and often grows more difficult the longer it goes on. And it's not really talked about because there are no easy answers. Zero. Zip. Nada. I loved how Joy Beth calls us to glorify God by owning up to the fact that He made us with this sexual component to our lives, and by stewarding it to the best of our ability. She explains in Chapter 6, "Stewardship is the quiet, daily work of acknowledging your sexuality, seeing where it's integrated into your life, seeing where the edges are fraying, and being faithful to patch up as needed." She also speaks straight truth when she tells us in Chapter 8, "Sexual purity is a sacrifice, one that the Lord demands of us, and for good reason." As ever, the real pattern for our lives can be found in Jesus Christ, although maybe in a different way than we've ever thought about before: "I embrace my kinship with a sexual Jesus who also struggled against His flesh, against weariness and fatigue and temptation, and still He sinned not. That's a Jesus I actually admire a great deal, one I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying to model both my singleness and sexuality after" (Chapter 6).
Part III: Living In Reality. We as single women may feel like we're missing out on a big part of life, but if we have followed God and He has led us here, we need to be living out the lives He wants us to live. This section is full of "You'd better say 'ouch' if you can't say 'amen'" lines, such as: "My purpose is not waiting for me at at the altar or inside a cradle. I need to learn how to live a life that's pleasing to God right now - I need to figure out what Biblical womanhood looks like apart from these roles we fill" (Chapter 12). This world needs women who are faithful and women who live out their God-ordained callings. We can help set the standard no matter our marital status. We need to step back from holding marriage up as an idol and live unashamed, grace-filled lives of purpose. What has God called you to do? Are you doing it? Are you seeking Him? Who are our lives to be centered around anyway? Check out another quote from Chapter 12: "When we become pursuers of God, we will make amazing wives. And mothers. And daughters. And friends. Because when we feed that main channel, all those tributaries will benefit."
This review barely skims the surface of Joy Beth's book, and if my reflections have stirred your interest, I cannot recommend this book highly enough, either for single women or married women who want to find ways to be an encouragement to their friends, sisters, or daughters. May our hearts ever be drawn closer to one another and to our Heavenly Father, whose good plans for our lives may look different than ours, but they are still good.
I received my copy of the book from the publisher. All opinions in this review are my own.
This review originated at http://reviewsbyerin.dreamwidth.org
February 13, 2018
I would give this book 6 stars if I could. Every single chapter of this book were questions and themes and truths and burdens that I have had conversations about so much over the past decade of my life. This is the book I would've written about what it's like to be a single Christian woman today if I had the patience and focus to write a book... and I am so so so glad that Joy Beth wrote this. This is the conversation starter that the church desperately needs write now in regards to how it is isolating and abandoning so many of it's single members. Not only do I want to gift a copy of this book to every beautiful and amazing single woman I know, I want every pastor and church session and staff and every married and single man and basically the entire church to read this, because I promise you... this book, this is the bare, vulnerable, transparent heart of the women you have raised the past several decades. And we need to talk about it.
Also, this book made me so so so thankful for my amazing therapist, and my amazing parents, and amazing friends and challenged me to dream bigger and push for deeper community in my life.
Also, this book made me so so so thankful for my amazing therapist, and my amazing parents, and amazing friends and challenged me to dream bigger and push for deeper community in my life.
June 8, 2023
This book touched on a little bit of everything which I really loved. But the main take aways are that you can desire marriage without that being some taboo topic you can't talk about, and how you should follow God with all your might, stay true to yourself, and not wait until marriage to enjoy the things God has given us, such as traveling, buying a house, etc.
January 1, 2018
Wow-eee. This was a fun ride.
At once practical, complicated, and hilarious...... Joy Beth cuts through the heart to the idols, facades, and unspoken thoughts.... and helps us see singleness as the good thing Paul already told us it was.
Jesus didn’t tell us to wait to have parties and build his kingdom.
At once practical, complicated, and hilarious...... Joy Beth cuts through the heart to the idols, facades, and unspoken thoughts.... and helps us see singleness as the good thing Paul already told us it was.
Jesus didn’t tell us to wait to have parties and build his kingdom.
July 8, 2019
I wish I could give a copy to every single gal I know, to everyone on staff at my church, and even my married friends so they can’t understand where I’m at.
September 12, 2018
I am a single woman. I have been single the majority of my life. I’ve dated one person and it didn’t go well. And now, as I am breathing my way towards the end of my 27th year of life I have wondered if maybe marriage is not one of the things that God has for me. I have also wondered, aloud with some of my also single friends and internally with myself, why I want to get married and what if I don’t get married.
Well, aside from not doing the physical things that married people get to do, I get to be a part of community (because God has brought some pretty amazing people into my life--married and single) so the being known part is there as well as the iron sharpening iron part. If I take into the account my fear of being alone...well, community takes that fear away too. God continues to provide people even as seasons change and take other dear people away.
With “A Party of One” I found myself agreeing aloud with most of Joy Beth’s (and I feel like I can call her Joy Beth now, not “Smith”) thoughts and explanations. She walks through thinking about what being single in the church looks like, how to crush the expectations of those around us--and more importantly those expectations that I, as a single person, wonder about myself. She also spends a large portion of the book talking about what does “sexuality” mean, in general, as well as specifically as a single person.
I would not suggest that this book is for every person, only because in one section she talks about masterbastion and the camps of people that while believing God is who He says that He is also believe that masterbastion could be a way to glorify the Lord. Now, she is only bringing both sides up … but this is my review and I for this portion alone I would filter who I suggest this book be read by.
I appreciate the vulnerability that she brings, this is not a book that bashes the church or the married friends in single people’s lives. She breaks the tension on, “this is just my fear of singleness” by holding round table conversations with single women across the country. She brings up a lot of truth, truth that single people need to read and filter their expectations through.
No, you are not weird if you are almost 28 and not married, but that doesn’t mean that if XYZ happens you will find a husband. No, you do not have to “be” a certain way to find a husband… broken people find spouses everyday...but God doesn’t promise marriage. Also, you don’t have to wait to walk into what God has for you because you need to wait to see if that fits into some future spouse’s plan too.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review, and this is it.
Well, aside from not doing the physical things that married people get to do, I get to be a part of community (because God has brought some pretty amazing people into my life--married and single) so the being known part is there as well as the iron sharpening iron part. If I take into the account my fear of being alone...well, community takes that fear away too. God continues to provide people even as seasons change and take other dear people away.
With “A Party of One” I found myself agreeing aloud with most of Joy Beth’s (and I feel like I can call her Joy Beth now, not “Smith”) thoughts and explanations. She walks through thinking about what being single in the church looks like, how to crush the expectations of those around us--and more importantly those expectations that I, as a single person, wonder about myself. She also spends a large portion of the book talking about what does “sexuality” mean, in general, as well as specifically as a single person.
I would not suggest that this book is for every person, only because in one section she talks about masterbastion and the camps of people that while believing God is who He says that He is also believe that masterbastion could be a way to glorify the Lord. Now, she is only bringing both sides up … but this is my review and I for this portion alone I would filter who I suggest this book be read by.
I appreciate the vulnerability that she brings, this is not a book that bashes the church or the married friends in single people’s lives. She breaks the tension on, “this is just my fear of singleness” by holding round table conversations with single women across the country. She brings up a lot of truth, truth that single people need to read and filter their expectations through.
No, you are not weird if you are almost 28 and not married, but that doesn’t mean that if XYZ happens you will find a husband. No, you do not have to “be” a certain way to find a husband… broken people find spouses everyday...but God doesn’t promise marriage. Also, you don’t have to wait to walk into what God has for you because you need to wait to see if that fits into some future spouse’s plan too.
I received a copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review, and this is it.
March 17, 2018
Full disclosure, Joy Beth Smith is one of my favorite people in the world. I'm not being hyperbolic. She is a fascinating, beautiful soul, and when I met her (well, later--when I met her, she thought I was weird and scary) and really had a chance to KNOW HER KNOW HER, I realized that she was one of my circle of trust people.
That said, I know the blood, sweat, and tears that went into writing this book--more importantly, I know the mountain of fear she had to climb in order to put these words out into her sphere of influence.
People who did not grow up in evangelical circles in the 80s, 90s, and 00s, cannot possibly understand the experience of having done so, so they might think I'm being dramatic when I say that writing this book was multiple levels of brave.
So who should read this book? Anyone who grew up or is currently living entrenched in purity culture. Anyone who has witnessed from the periphery (for instance, my husband, who has helped me recover from growing up fundie) and who might want to get a glimpse into the mindset. Anyone who is like...what's purity culture?
Each of these audiences will have a different experience (thanks, Captain Obvious). PC friends--you might find community/solace/enlightenment/encouragement. Periphery peeps--maybe clarity? Everyone else--you'll probably feel voyeuristic in the same way I feel voyeuristic when I read books written by people who have lived completely foreign lives to me--hopefully it will be fascinating but also empathy-inducing. Honestly, to my friends who don't know about this world--it will probably baffle you and maybe even make you angry.
That said, this book isn't a deep dive tell all about purity culture--it is one girl's take on what it's like to be single informed by her extensive conversations with other singles who are trying to figure it out. As an old married woman, I walked away from this book feeling empathetic to my single friends in a more informed way. As a person of faith, I walked away feeling challenged to incorporate these thoughts in our communal spaces.
That said, I know the blood, sweat, and tears that went into writing this book--more importantly, I know the mountain of fear she had to climb in order to put these words out into her sphere of influence.
People who did not grow up in evangelical circles in the 80s, 90s, and 00s, cannot possibly understand the experience of having done so, so they might think I'm being dramatic when I say that writing this book was multiple levels of brave.
So who should read this book? Anyone who grew up or is currently living entrenched in purity culture. Anyone who has witnessed from the periphery (for instance, my husband, who has helped me recover from growing up fundie) and who might want to get a glimpse into the mindset. Anyone who is like...what's purity culture?
Each of these audiences will have a different experience (thanks, Captain Obvious). PC friends--you might find community/solace/enlightenment/encouragement. Periphery peeps--maybe clarity? Everyone else--you'll probably feel voyeuristic in the same way I feel voyeuristic when I read books written by people who have lived completely foreign lives to me--hopefully it will be fascinating but also empathy-inducing. Honestly, to my friends who don't know about this world--it will probably baffle you and maybe even make you angry.
That said, this book isn't a deep dive tell all about purity culture--it is one girl's take on what it's like to be single informed by her extensive conversations with other singles who are trying to figure it out. As an old married woman, I walked away from this book feeling empathetic to my single friends in a more informed way. As a person of faith, I walked away feeling challenged to incorporate these thoughts in our communal spaces.
March 11, 2018
Joy Beth and I might be the same person, actually. I verbally agreed with the audio book while alone in my car, repeating "SAME, SISTER!" I love how clearly she explains her message, using research and real examples to drive home the points she's making. As a 28 year old single in the Church, I especially appreciate how she addressed the idolatry of marriage in the Church — in particular, the subtle line between well-wishers and setting up marriage as something attained through a prosperity gospel.
Personally, the chapters on sexuality and masturbation are new to me and would require more reflection, but the rest of the book is definitely content I've previously considered and discussed (and agree with Joy Beth on!).
I only feel like one major piece is missing. I think our churches would benefit GREATLY from encouraging more multi-generational relationships, versus [I'd go so far as to say, in lieu of] "singles" ministries. I think discipleship through having women and men in our lives — both older and younger — paints a more whole picture of the intimacy of the church than a quarantined group of single people. I have plenty of peers in their 20's who ARE married and I want to learn from and experience life with them too!
I appreciate this book so much and have already recommended it to fellow single ladies in the church! Now, if only it wasn't just single women reading it...
Personally, the chapters on sexuality and masturbation are new to me and would require more reflection, but the rest of the book is definitely content I've previously considered and discussed (and agree with Joy Beth on!).
I only feel like one major piece is missing. I think our churches would benefit GREATLY from encouraging more multi-generational relationships, versus [I'd go so far as to say, in lieu of] "singles" ministries. I think discipleship through having women and men in our lives — both older and younger — paints a more whole picture of the intimacy of the church than a quarantined group of single people. I have plenty of peers in their 20's who ARE married and I want to learn from and experience life with them too!
I appreciate this book so much and have already recommended it to fellow single ladies in the church! Now, if only it wasn't just single women reading it...
February 7, 2018
The greatest thing about this book is the frank way it approaches issues of singleness that the church often ignores or glosses over. I know from experience that it can be very difficult to truthfully discuss singleness, particularly in the church. Because our conversations are so often stunted or sanitized, I would recommend this book not only for singles, but also for anyone seeking to understand how to love singles well and walk with them well. Please don't read this book by yourself and move on from it. Ask singles you know how Smith's shared experiences and the experiences of those who took part in the roundtables compare to their own experiences. Learn about helpful and harmful ways that Scripture has been used in relationship to singles. Push back on the ideas...like most books, it's not perfect. But it is needed. Needed so that we can have the frank (and funny) conversations we should be having.
July 21, 2018
This book hit me right in the feels. As a single woman with the big “D” in my past I have bought into a ton of lies about being single again. This isn’t for just singles, even though it focuses on them every one needs to read this. I think married couples sometimes forget what its like to be single and this could help if you have family or children that are single. I also agree with her that the church has a long way to go helping singles grown in their walk with God. We aren’t “ incomplete “ because we are single. Do yourself a favor. Keep an open mind and read this book. You can thank me later 😜
January 13, 2023
If the amount of varied exclamations (assorted Amens, Yeses, and the occasional Ayyyooo!) produced while listening to this book are any indication of its worth or at least its entertainment ability, I’d have to say this book is golden.
While every reader might not relate to every part of it, I found much of it highly relatable. Yes, there were some parts that I kindly disagreed with the author, but overall I loved everything from her humor to her honesty.
Best of all, this book has been really valuable for starting important or just highly enjoyable conversations, and I definitely recommend.
While every reader might not relate to every part of it, I found much of it highly relatable. Yes, there were some parts that I kindly disagreed with the author, but overall I loved everything from her humor to her honesty.
Best of all, this book has been really valuable for starting important or just highly enjoyable conversations, and I definitely recommend.
July 25, 2022
I'm not sure I would come to the same conclusions in part 2 as Smith does, but parts 1 and 3 I thoroughly enjoyed and was challenged by. The image of our love for Jesus being the river out of which all the other tributaries of our love for other people flow is going to stick around for a long time. Found myself tearing up, laughing, and tearing up while laughing by turns. A lot of wisdom here for longer-term/post-college singles like myself.
March 24, 2018
Intense and personal view
This author does an excellent job of challenging the norms in the Christian community’s view of marriage and singleness. A must read for leaders as well as both men and women who are unmarried believers.
This author does an excellent job of challenging the norms in the Christian community’s view of marriage and singleness. A must read for leaders as well as both men and women who are unmarried believers.
December 30, 2018
After yet *another* Christmas where the only question my relatives asked me is, are you seeing anyone? and looked at me with pity as I answered as I always do with a resounding no, I was fed up with feeling like I am somehow less because I’m single.
Joy Beth Smith’s book reads like a conversation with one of my girlfriends on my couch sipping a glass of wine as we talk about the struggles of dating in Christian culture and being a single person in churches that glorify marriage as the end goal of life. I must have highlighted half the book, because it was as if someone FINALLY understood the struggle.
Going to recommend this book to all my friends, I would gift it to them all if I could.
Joy Beth Smith’s book reads like a conversation with one of my girlfriends on my couch sipping a glass of wine as we talk about the struggles of dating in Christian culture and being a single person in churches that glorify marriage as the end goal of life. I must have highlighted half the book, because it was as if someone FINALLY understood the struggle.
Going to recommend this book to all my friends, I would gift it to them all if I could.
March 21, 2018
This book is so enjoyable. Smith's style is incredibly engaging, and she tackles some of the largest challenges of the Christian single life. Her chapters on sex and sexuality alone are worth the price of admission. While the primary audience seems to be other single women, marrieds should read along. This book is all heart, and you need to know how your single friends are thinking and feeling so that you can minister to them effectively.
April 15, 2018
Concisely put, this book reminds us that marriage is not the goal of discipleship. It was an honest and delightful read, sharing the stories of single women in today's church and the questions they often encounter about living faithfully.
April 14, 2018
Joy Beth is just as delightful in print form as she is on twitter.
August 5, 2018
4.5 stars. This is full of topics the church needs to be discussing when it comes to singleness in the church. There were topics in here I thought I’d never see in a Christian singles book. While there was some theology I don’t agree with, there were also a lot of topics I’d like to see expanded on. It’s not a perfect book, but it’s a conversation starter I’m grateful for. I would also gladly read a book for Joy Beth’s adventures in dating at liberty university, because that culture would make its own fantastic book.
June 17, 2018
YES. This book left me feeling encouraged, validated, and proud of my singleness. I was highlighting all over the place because there were so many good truths that the author pointed out - many of which I discovered years ago, but rarely ever hear spoken because in the Christian culture, marriage is often treated as the end-all and be-all, even if it's not explicitly said. This book breaks down those lies, and I'm so incredibly grateful that this author gets that. It's not helpful when someone says "You're husband is coming, just keep waiting." Or, "You're going to be a great wife someday." A.) are you prophetic? and B.) as mentioned in the book, saying this bascially invalidates my life as valuable since it's not dependent on a man or children. I loved when Joy addressed this, saying, "At the end of the day, I want my people to want the glory of God in my life more than they want me to be married". Yes and Amen.
Joy addresses this and so much more in this book - God does not promise us marriage, He promises us himself. My life is not a waiting room or a preparation for a marriage that may or may not come, and there isn't this magical point of contentment that I must reach in order to "be ready" for marriage - "God's not some trickster waiting for me to 'not want marriage' anymore.'" These are just lies that I've had to overcome - and still overcome - throughout my life. While it may be well-intentioned, I'm glad Joy called attention to it, and the hurt that it causes.
While there is a lot to praise in this book, I didn't agree with everything Joy laid on the table (some points in section 2 come to mind, and the idea that Jesus isn't quite enough. I get what she's saying about how Adam was alone and it wasn't good, but I do think that Jesus is enough - in every way. He has to be. If God is sovereign and knows our lives inside and out, He's not surprised at where we are in life, and He is more than enough to meet our needs.) Also, I couldn't always relate to her experiences (like the nightstand thing...can't say I've ever had that problem) since she seems way more extroverted than I am - but I'm glad she shared them.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and recommend it for singles and married people alike. The older I get while still single is something the church will always struggle with, I think. But being reminded Who I was created for and what I was created for frees me up to not be defined by my relationship status. And that makes me so happy.
The one thing I wish someone had told me when I was younger was, "Even if you don't get married, you'll be okay. I know you want marriage and kids, but no matter what, you're still going to be okay. You may have unmet desires, but life goes on." That is a message the church needs to be getting out there...Success in this world is the woman who lives her whole life longing for marriage, remains single, and dies more convinced than ever that God is good, with "Glory, glory hallelujah" as the last words on her lips." Yes and amen.
Joy addresses this and so much more in this book - God does not promise us marriage, He promises us himself. My life is not a waiting room or a preparation for a marriage that may or may not come, and there isn't this magical point of contentment that I must reach in order to "be ready" for marriage - "God's not some trickster waiting for me to 'not want marriage' anymore.'" These are just lies that I've had to overcome - and still overcome - throughout my life. While it may be well-intentioned, I'm glad Joy called attention to it, and the hurt that it causes.
While there is a lot to praise in this book, I didn't agree with everything Joy laid on the table (some points in section 2 come to mind, and the idea that Jesus isn't quite enough. I get what she's saying about how Adam was alone and it wasn't good, but I do think that Jesus is enough - in every way. He has to be. If God is sovereign and knows our lives inside and out, He's not surprised at where we are in life, and He is more than enough to meet our needs.) Also, I couldn't always relate to her experiences (like the nightstand thing...can't say I've ever had that problem) since she seems way more extroverted than I am - but I'm glad she shared them.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and recommend it for singles and married people alike. The older I get while still single is something the church will always struggle with, I think. But being reminded Who I was created for and what I was created for frees me up to not be defined by my relationship status. And that makes me so happy.
The one thing I wish someone had told me when I was younger was, "Even if you don't get married, you'll be okay. I know you want marriage and kids, but no matter what, you're still going to be okay. You may have unmet desires, but life goes on." That is a message the church needs to be getting out there...Success in this world is the woman who lives her whole life longing for marriage, remains single, and dies more convinced than ever that God is good, with "Glory, glory hallelujah" as the last words on her lips." Yes and amen.
December 27, 2017
Party of One is part memoir, part biblical exposition, part sociological study, all sass. With humor, conviction, and sincerity, Joy Beth critiques the modern American church's idolization of marriage and how this has stifled the single Christian's ability to grow and prosper as a full and healthy human. This book will convince you that no one needs a long-term romantic commitment to live a full and complete life. Take heart, single Christian. Don't wait! Onward!
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