'the boys i've loved and the end of the world' is the long awaited poetry and prose collection by catarine hancock, popularly known by the user "evanescent.love" on instagram. known for writing unique, raw and captivating pieces on everything from love and politics, to abuse and womanhood, catarine knows how to tug at both your heartstrings and your mind.
Catarine Hancock is a 25-year-old poet, author and opera singer from Lexington, Kentucky, currently living in Chicago. She holds a bachelor of music in vocal performance from the University of Kentucky and a master of music in voice from Indiana University.
Aside from music, writing is her other great love. Having been a bookworm and writer all her life, her passion for poetry began at the age of 13, and shortly afterward, she began sharing her writing online. Over the past 11 years, her platform has grown to an audience of over 300,000. She is the author of five poetry collections: "shades of lovers" (2020), "sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you" (2021), and "i gave myself the world" (2023), all published with Central Avenue Publishing. Her self-published collections are "sprout: selected poems" (2022) and "holy ground" (2023). Her next poetry collection is slated to release with Central Avenue in 2025, and her debut fantasy romance novel, "Curse of Stolen Flame," will release in fall 2024.
When she is not singing or writing, Catarine can be found curled up with a good fantasy novel, wandering the aisles of the local bookstore, or adding a weird décor item she found at the Goodwill to her already too-cluttered apartment. You can find her on Instagram or TikTok at: @catarinehancock
Caution: Scalding tea ahead. Content warning: Quoted excerpts used in this review and poems mentioned in this review contain themes of homophobia, suicide, islamophobia, transphobia, and drug addiction.
Okay. I don't know how or why this little poetry book found its way into my Kindle because I am absolutely sure that I did not purchase it. I'm convinced Satan hacked into my Amazon account. But I digress.
I'd like to preface this review with the confession that I never expected the boys i've loved and the end of the world to blow me away. I was expecting this collection to be filled with endless poems about love and heartbreaks -- and the thing about me and love/heartbreak poems is that I either feel really neutral about them or intensely dislike them. Rarely do I ever enjoy poetry books that are solely romance-themed. All of this is to say that I went into this thinking that, at worst, I'd be left unimpressed.
In the first few pieces, I was proven right. I was greeted with (arguably mediocre) poems that referred to the poet's lover as a "forlorn stargazer" who still found the poet beautiful despite being "full of dead stars and broken debris" -- and similar themes of "I'm so broken but this boy somehow thinks I'm still worth something" and its romanticization. (The year is 2020 and we're still romanticizing toxic and unhealthy relationships. My heart weeps.)
When I came across a poem about a turtle struggling to breathe (which, if I'm being honest, made me laugh out loud because it presents our environmental issues as this New, Shocking Thing that none of us were aware of prior to reading her poem), I learned that Catarine Hancock is an activist, according to her author bio that she wrote. It turns out that she "writes predominantly love poetry, but she also writes about [...] feminism and other controversial political topics," according to the author bio that she wrote.
I phrase it like that because while her poems about romance and young love come across as heartfelt and sincere (I just didn't like them), her other poems feel really forced and performative. It seems like Catarine wanted to prove that she's this remarkably progressive individual with a good head on her shoulders. In the boys i've loved and the end of the world, it really, truly shows that she pours her 100% into her love poetry and halfheartedly writes about activism and social issues. And this halfheartedness leads to her doing more harm than good: overly simplistic messages about nuanced issues, reductive (and potentially harmful) assumptions about gender, and worst of all, this abundantly privileged cis abled white woman tends to write about marginalized experiences that aren't hers to write about.
1. ode to the lgbt+ community -- In which she writes about the struggles faced by gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, asexuals, genderqueers, pansexuals, and aromantics from the first-person point of view. Again, the author is heterosexual. Most of her poems revolve around the boys she has kissed and the boys she has loved. Also, she even dedicates an entire stanza to the experiences of lgbtqiap+ allies, as if they experience the same level of discrimination and oppression as queer people.
2. ten words for the ten boys i've kissed -- In which #3 is "maybe if you weren't a homophobe, it could've worked out." and #4 is "people said you were gay, and i cared too much."
3. on the refugee crisis -- In which nothing about the refugee crisis is discussed. It's literally just "they [refugees] are important" rephrased enough times to create four stanzas. Completely insubstantial.
4. maybe a love story will catch your attention -- In which she describes the oppression faced by Muslims because she "fell in love with a muslim boy once" and that therefore qualifies her to write about Islamophobia.
5. as a woman -- In which we get around 9 stanzas about wearing/not-wearing makeup and the entire poem is packaged as a (white) feminist piece. The lack of nuance is truly astonishing.
6. cherry blossom kisses -- In which she narrates a fictional forbidden relationship between two gay men, which ends with one of them taking their own life. This particular piece makes casual use of a gay slur (f*gg*t).
7. the parallels between loving someone and drug addiction -- In which the title of the poem is self-explanatory, and yes, it's that bad.
8. a series of short poems on the boys who love(d) me -- In which she tells one of her exes that "i'm sorry i made you / want to kill yourself when i ended it but i / hope you've grown up because threatening / suicide won't make me love you again."
9. trans rights are human rights -- In which trans people are referred to as "in-betweens." And its last stanza goes: who cares if it's "weird" or you don't know why, / it's not about what you think, it isn't your life. / you respect their decision because it doesn't harm you; / get over it: some boys like pink and some girls like blue. Which just about sums up her reductive understanding of gender identities.
These are probably the most problematic pieces I noticed from this collection, but there are certainly more. In addition to these, the author casually gaslights her exes and explores sensitive topics (i.e. victim blaming, suicide, mental illness, infidelity) carelessly and irresponsibly.
I'm sorry, but the boys i've loved and the end of the world isn't it. Moving forward, I will no longer support this author (although I hope she someday learns how to be a good ally).
“i learned from you that love doesn’t always have to end nasty. sometimes, it just stops.” he nods, agreeing, and squeezes my shoulder once. “maybe that’ll be how the world ends,” he suggests, “it won’t end terribly. it’ll just stop.”
The book was definitely better than I expected. Thought this was another book which will consist of Instagram captions with no depth to them but it turned out to be the exact opposite. The poems were actually poems. The poet had different experiences in each of her relationships, which she had written beautifully about. Anyone, even those who never have had their heart broken, could easily feel her pain through her words. The thing that i liked most about the book was that she had also written some poems about the LGBTQ+ Community, which is very rare. She had also written about rape and how speaking up can affect the victim. The book has unfortunately been removed from the market, but the poet has published it on Wattpad for free and is very easily accessible. My personal favourite poem is this one:
𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣 she's dug her grave, she's written her will, her eyes are closed, she's swallowed the pills. she's scribbled her note, she's said goodbye, she's very certain, she wants to die. she's in the hospital, her stomach is pumped, she's laying in the bed, a sad sick lump. her hair is knotted, her words are few, her parents are crying, nobody knew. she's grown up now, her wounds are healed, her eyes are bright, her smile is real. she lights up with laughter, she's glad she stayed, she's ever so grateful, she lived another day.
This is my first book baby. I'm so different from the person and writer I was when I wrote these pieces, but they all are very dear to my heart. There's certainly things I would do differently now, and definitely pieces I wouldn't even write at all, but I'll always be proud of my first collection.
I just randomly stumbled across this poetry collection and I don't regret it one bit. The poems in this collection are fresh, rejuvenating and thoughtful. I love how the poetess included several long pieces in the collection too. There are several poems from this collection that I personally love and it's strange, how I can relate to it. The feelings of estrangement and loss that comes with broken relationships appear to be the main focus in the collection.
"...she's someone that you never know you need, until you meet her. and she's someone you never know you won't be able to live without, until you lose her."
This has to be one of my favourite lines. I promise you, you will not regret this collection. Give it a go! I rated this a 4.5/5🌟
yikes. This was a DNF. Found this at random and thought the title sounded nice but alas. This collection has it all, white feminism, half hearted wokeness, the white saviour complex, romanticized pain (there is quite literally a poem on it). Perhaps it is the author's first collection that explains a lot of the shortcomings. I would read her newer works but I'm too afraid that I might find another poem on her relationship with a Muslim man (tl;dr, I'm sorry I can't be with you I'm too oppressed) As a Muslim, that got me laughing.
I absolutely loved The Boys I've Loved & The End of the World. I've been following Catarine since 2014 when I too was writing poetry on the Internet. I quit, but she kept going, and this book inspired me to get back into it. The poems in the book met me exactly where I was, freshly out of a toxic relationship that was ended before I wanted it to be ended. Keep writing, Catarine, you are wonderfully talented!
This book wasn’t bad. There were actually quite a few poems contained inside of it. (Like actual poems) which you don’t see very often in “poetry” books anymore. It also contains a lot of prose as well as some short-stories that appeal to the heart. I gave it four stars because it wasn’t exactly what I was hoping it would be, but I would definitely recommend reading it because it might be something you hope for.
some of this hit close to home, too close if i was being honest. some lines made me stop reading altogether and just... feel them.
“i learned from you that love doesn’t always have to end nasty. sometimes, it just stops.” he nods, agreeing, and squeezes my shoulder once. “maybe that’ll be how the world ends,” he suggests, “it won’t end terribly. it’ll just stop.”
" we looked at each other like we were the sun and the moon locked in a gravitational war, bound to cross and bound to break apart." How much this line hit me hard!!!
Fraquinho. Esperava mais. O livro foi uma salganhada de textos e poemas sem qualquer fio condutor. Identifiquei-me com uma ou outra passagem mas não foi um livro que me tenha marcado nem que irei relembrar no futuro.
m while poetry doesn’t have to be relatable and is all about how you perceived it overall this collection is very high-school esque which make sense coming from such a young writer.
overall this collection was lacking for me. there were some potentially great metaphors that in theory could have been brilliant but in practice fell short due to not being used correctly. there were a lot of conversations used in her poetry, which is nice here and there, but overall can feel more like a book and less like a poetry collection. young love is prominent in this collection and is what the author does best out of the themes and topics she writes about. you can tell she enjoys writing those poems, she puts her heart into them the most. the poems that aren’t about things that she experiences first hand seem forced and empty. though once again, very high school in the way i felt i was reading her diary and not a poetry/prose collection.
be warned, there is no content warning where you may want one to be for things like choking, lighting fires, blood, and drowning.
there is one poem in the beginning “ode to the LGBT+ community” that stood out to me and in the worst possible of ways. as a member of the community, i was insulted to say the least and so were a few other queer folk i shared the piece with. hopefully my writing of this review and mentioning this piece will be a learning experience for our youthful author.
there were a few other poems that i won’t mention by title that seem to be put in their to seem “woke” but they come off very privileges and offensive to be blunt. hopefully, more learning opportunities.
it also felt funny to have the authors initials tag lined at the end of each poem. this is a book, we know exactly who wrote the poem, so why ruin a piece with your name stamped at end?
I'm not exactly sure what the aim of this poetry collection was, was it the boys that had been loved or the activism and political standings?
There was no clear split between the topics which was frustrating because the topics are meant to bring out different types of emotions and I felt like I was experiencing mood swings all the time.
Why are we romanticizing toxic relationships? I don't know if it's fiction, it's disgusting. While all the pieces about love got attention and effort (yet still missed the mark), the political and social standing pieces were weak. I couldn't stop shaking my head at the few odes the poet made. Instead of standing up for certain social positions, the poet spoke FOR the people which I found completely insensitive because how could one relay emotions and struggles about something they have never experienced or felt???
There were also places where the poet played the victim but so many red flags popped up and I genuinely started believing this book was written as a bad joke. A lot of small experiences compiled together with nothing really to tell, this collection sounded superficial with toxic feminism written all over it.
I don't understand why these writers who do not effing understand Islam think they have the right to write about it and portray it as this "terrible, unfortunate thing". We muslims value our religious beliefs, and we wear hijab because we want to, not because we are forced, so even though I liked some of the poetry in this book, the particular one about a "Muslim lover" just threw me off. So disrespectful. Real feminists should accept and respect everyone, including muslim women who wear hijab, so this is toxic feminism in this book, and the author is a toxic feminist.
As far as the era of tumblr style poems go, this wasn’t the worst book out there. I’m not trying to turn this into a rant about capitalism, but if this is the innovation that is being produced, I don’t want it. This era of strange punctuation and half finished thoughts can come to an end. It’s time.
I AM WRITING IN CAPS BECAUSE I CAN NOT EXPRESS ENOUGH THAT THE WRITER PULLED TEARS OUT OF ME. I RECOMMEND TEEN/ YOUNG ADULT (ANYONE) TO READ THIS BOOK AS IT COVERS A VARIETY OF TOPICS AS WE EXPERIENCE IN THIS LIFE AND THE HAPPENING WORLD.
Pese a que el formato de algunos textos es interesante, Hancock no escribe bien. Sus poemas son del estilo de Rupi Kaur y Amanda Lovelace, poemas cortos y bastante insulsos con contenido predecible y poco trabajado. Su prosa tampoco es que mejore mucho, y sus textos sobre la comunidad LGTB+ y el feminismo me han dado hasta pudor. A estas alturas, escribir poemas a favor las personas trans con la narrativa del cuerpo equivocado es hacer flaco favor al colectivo.
Tal vez si lo hubiera leído de adolescente opinaría algo diferente, y soy consciente de que la autora tiene 18 años, pero lo que cuentan sus poemas y la idea que trasmite del amor no van conmigo. Leer el libro no ha sido una pérdida de tiempo porque tampoco me ha llevado demasiado, pero no lo recomiendo en absoluto.
found this book randomly and decided to give it a try. felt like the universe made me want to see it cause some of the pieces hit so, so close to home.
randomly found this book while I was downloading some novels for my pocket book. if I have to describe it in six words they will be cheesy. toxic. sweet. cliche. inspiring. thought-provoking. okay, if we have to be precise, seven words. in a really abnormal way I found parts of me in this collection of stories and poems, but if I have to be honest, the author tries so hard to be original and most of the times she failed. page after page praising existentially confused people and glorifying horrible emotions and feeling. this messed me up for a moment, can't lie about that. people must understand that you don't need no one to be happy. your life depends entirely on your desires, dreams, ambitions and aspirations - on your own fucking self. it's a strange book, not for everyone.. it's all over the place.
I thought before reading this book that it was just a cute poetry book to get rid of a reading slump, but that it took me some much time to finish it. Some poems were relatable and touch important subjects, but overall I just felt that it was all over the place.
women, women, you're not alone. no longer do you need a king; you can be a queen on your own
These poems are an absolute pleasure to read. Every one is so unique and so vividly beautiful, it's so refreshing to see such a young amazing poet wrestle such relevant and IMPORTANT social issues. Besides the themes being beautiful, the writing itself is so easy to read and enjoy. Highly recomend.
This wasn't for me, although there was some lovely feeling behind the poetry, it didn't captivate me. The poems didn't differ much in style, format or topic.